Chapter Text
Harry was pretty happy to be back. Yeah, things were … different. His friends were still pretty much the same, happy to see him back and looking well, if a little quieter. Thankfully no one was pushing to apologize for not noticing anything before. He wasn’t sure how he’d handle that. Bill told him he was very logical and analytical in that sense. He knew and understood the facts of how things happened, and didn’t have the expected teenager, emotional, response. His mind healer agreed that it would take years, at least, for Harry to be able to develop the same emotional responses to things that happened to him that his peers already had. They’d said his abuse was severe enough and happened over a long enough period of time he may not ever develop that response since it occurred during the prime of his psychologically and emotionally formative years.
So Harry knew he wasn’t the same as his classmates or anyone aside from maybe other kids who’d endured similar treatment for more than a decade. The only one he knew that possibly could actually understand was a teacher he couldn’t stand and that couldn’t stand him. So that conversation was never happening. Harry wrote a note out and slipped it into the bag of the person he thought could help him with what he needed between his classes. The twins were working on something in their lab while Harry mostly just sat and worked on his homework with them. They were barely letting him out of sight of one of them since he’d come back. When there was a knock on the door, Harry got up and inclined his head inside for the other boy to join them. He looked annoyed and confused when he stepped in, though. Once he saw the lab space and where the twins were working on something, he looked curious.
“Sorry for the secrecy.” Harry apologized. “I just also wasn’t sure you’d show up or stay after a class or anything if I’d asked you to.”
“Fair.” Malfoy sniffed, leaning to try and look in Fred’s notebook, but the notes were always coded, so he wouldn’t understand what he was looking at anyway. Only Harry and George understood their shorthand notes. “So what is it you want from me?”
“Two things, if possible.” Harry bit his lip. “Look, I know we’ve been … antagonistic toward each other a majority of our time in school. I also know that wasn’t really either of our faults. Product of our environment and societal pressures, and all. So I wanted to know if you’d be willing to start over. I’m not saying we have to be friends, I get that that may not be possible, but I’d like us to at least be acquaintances. So that’s part of my first request. If you think we can start over, and you’re willing to give me a chance, would you be willing to maybe tutor me in potions? Secondly … secondly is more personal.”
“I … could consider starting over.” Malfoy agreed cautiously. “Neither of us knew how to make friends when we met and instead of figuring it out we acted like dicks.” Harry snickered while Malfoy shrugged. “We did. I’d not be opposed to tutoring you, under the condition you can accept my instructions.”
“Can you keep things professional?” Harry asked. “Like, the opposite of what you did to get me and the twins banned from quidditch for two months?”
“You do realize I said those things because I knew what would happen, right?” Malfoy arched an eyebrow at him. “With a few well aimed words, I got the three best players of all the house teams out of the way. That’s not going to be an issue since I no longer have pressure coming from home to get on the toad’s good side. I can win without resorting to those tactics, but sometimes it’s more fun that way.”
“We have very different opinions on what constitutes fun.” Harry muttered, shaking his head.
“So what’s the personal issue?” Malfoy rolled his eyes. “You don’t want me telling anyone that I’m tutoring you?”
“Not that.” Harry shook his head. “I don’t really care whether anyone knows or not. No, I … I wanted to know if you could tell me if … if Theo was actually doing ok?”
“Theo?” Malfoy blinked at him in confusion. “Theodore Nott? Why?”
“It’s … it’s sort of my fault; that he’s having to move.” Harry admitted. “He’s the one who gave me the spells to begin with. We- I mean, only me, I guess, I took what happened between us to mean more than he did. I thought … I thought it meant something or could mean something. But it couldn’t and won’t. I was just hoping you could tell him that I hope he’s able to find something meaningful when he has to leave. Since it … it wasn’t me.”
“You.” Malfoy blinked a little slower. “And Theo.”
“For most of the term before hols, yeah.” Harry nodded. “Before everything went to shit and started getting … fixed.”
“You weren’t bothered by him being in Slytherin?” Malfoy frowned.
“No.” Harry tilted his head in confusion. “You may or may not find this funny, Theo did, but, er, I only went to Gryffindor the first time because I didn’t want to be in the same house as you.”
“You were meant to be in Slytherin.” Malfoy said dumbly.
“That’s where the hat wanted to put me originally.” Harry nodded. “But I think I must have lost some of my tendencies that made me more like a snake since I ended up back in Gryffindor. Anyway, not the point. Can you help me, and will you just let me know if Theo is actually ok? I don’t know that he’ll talk to me, and if he does, I don’t know that I’ll be able to handle hearing whatever it is he has to say after our last attempt at a conversation. Before I went to Mungo’s.”
“I think you broke him, Harrykins.” George snickered.
“So you don’t care about the houses.” Malfoy said, still looking dumbfounded.
“I care about my team winning in quidditch.” Harry shrugged. “Otherwise they don’t particularly matter.”
“I have a counterproposal.” Malfoy said, tapping his fingers along his biceps when he finally looked more present and not stuck in momentary shock from whatever was in his head. Harry suspected it was because he decided he had a chance with him. It’s what it looked like, but he’d double check with the twins once Malfoy was gone.
“Oh yeah?” Fred asked, watching him. “Better make it a good one.”
“I’ll tutor you in potions until OWLs.” Malfoy nodded. “But you’ll tutor me in defense. You are leagues ahead of everyone, and I do not want to be that far behind you in it anymore.”
“Alright.” Harry grinned.
“As for Theo, he is handling things the way Theo does.” Malfoy continued. “He reads and pretends he’s not affected by other people, but he’s shit at hiding when he’s actually upset because he’ll sit with a book and turn maybe one or two pages in an hour instead of a hundred. None of us actually know what he’s thinking right now because he hasn’t said anything, literally anything, to anyone aside from Professor Snape since the verdict that he was going to be moving to France. We all presumed he was seeing someone in secret at the beginning of term because he may not have shown anything outwardly for anyone else to notice, but we noticed he was … happier, I suppose. Less aloof, really. We were certain it was a Ravenclaw, though. I know that whatever you had is over, and I also know that whatever happened was his decision. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry he hurt you the way he probably did. He knows how to aim his words to hurt.”
“Thanks.” Harry said quietly.
“I also … don’t think a conversation between you at this point would do either of you any good.” Malfoy said hesitantly. “All it would do is cause more hurt and you have spent the past two and a half months healing in hospital or in your new home. I can talk to Theo and figure something out, and I will let him know I think it’s a bad idea as well. If you can both get through school, if you can at least get through the next year, it’s possible you could talk again.”
“I wasn’t planning on actually talking to him for the rest of term.” Harry admitted. “Anyway, I talked to Professor Lupin, who said he’d talk to Professor Snape, about me using a private tutor for Potions classes since neither of us is really in a place to see the other. To … interact. But it’s been most of a week of me hiding in the back of the dungeon and Remus is great, but he can’t do potions and he has other responsibilities. I need someone that can help me pass my OWLs.”
“Will you be able to teach me defense without using magic?” Malfoy asked, arching an eyebrow at him.
“Sure.” Harry shrugged. “I don’t need magic to get you to understand how to make yours work for what we’re going over.”
“He doesn’t.” George added helpfully.
“He barely used magic when he tutored us.” Fred agreed.
“I can demonstrate all I want, but I already know how to do it. That isn’t going to help you.” Harry rolled his eyes. “You know more than me about how your magic acts and how it is meant to work. I barely know how mine works. Yeah, I’m better with it now, after a lot of private tutoring on the supplemental materials all muggle-born or raised kids get that I never did, but I also generally just let my magic do what it wants. You’ve been aware and cognizant of your magic much longer than I have. Same with them.”
“Right.” Malfoy’s brows furrowed.
“You weren’t just born into it.” Harry pressed. “You were raised in it as well. You have known it existed all your life and you have watched the magic your parents and house elves have done for years. What I’ll most likely end up doing is walking you through how to do things you’ve seen but not necessarily understood. As far as applying it, I mean.”
“Give me an example.” Malfoy pinched the bridge of his nose before setting his bag down and giving his full attention to Harry.
“First one’s free, the rest are not.” Harry pointed out. Malfoy nodded. “Right. Make a shield.” Malfoy produced a shield. “Hold it.” Malfoy frowned a little, but kept it steady. “What do you remember about the process of duplication? The copy eventually fades or disappears like an illusion if not encanted correctly, yes?” Malfoy nodded. “Your current shield does not block a large area. You are taller than it, so to stay protected, you will be crouching behind it in an event you need it and there is no supplemental cover to hide behind. The best cover you can give yourself is a minimum of two shields, linked and circulating.” Malfoy’s shield faltered a little as he frowned in confusion before he refocused and held it back up. “You are going to think of what the shield looks like duplicated. But not side by side, that’s not where you start. You are going to imagine that your shield managed to pop out another layer directly in front of it. As if it has been there the whole time and just slipped forward, in a sense. That will give you a dual layered shield momentarily, because you are not thinking about it specifically. You are going to allow your magic to create and shape the secondary shield.” Malfoy’s eye widened slightly as another shield shimmered directly in front of his original. Like he hadn’t been expecting it. “Your magic already listens to you and wants what you want. It wants to shield you. You remember watching your elves hover a dish behind them as they walked it back to the kitchen? How they would often hover something in front as well as behind?” Malfoy nodded. “Perhaps you never understood how they did it?” Malfoy nodded again. “Think about your shield as if you were glancing at it out of the side of your eyes. Sort of like the first time you saw a ghost, how it was there and not there at the same time.” When Malfoy took a breath and let it out, his shields shifted and were side by side. They rotated a few times around him and even lined up in front of him, providing cover top to bottom. Malfoy was staring at them and even cracked a small wondrous smile. As if he were surprised. “You don’t even have to consciously direct them when in a fight when you let your magic control them, similar to how your elves wouldn’t really have to guide or direct their dishes or chores. Granted, the shields do still fail if attacked hard enough and long enough.” Harry wobbled his head. “So. Did that prove I can teach you without needing to use magic?”
“Yes.” Malfoy whispered, watching his shields disappear before looking at Harry with an odd sort of awe that Harry had never seen from him. “Will you be able to do practicals, mock dueling and such, before OWLs?”
“Should do.” Harry nodded. “Only supposed to be another month without casting beyond first year stuff. Then I get to slowly, week by week, work back up to our current level. Puts me back at normal speed and spell casting a few weeks before OWLs. Might even be able to get you a patronus by then. Probably.”
“You will.” Fred and George said, not looking up from their work.
“How long did it take you?” Malfoy asked curiously, sitting at an empty desk rather than leaving.
“Took me about five or six weeks.” Harry shrugged. “Third year. Don’t even really have to think about it now, though. Only took me about four weeks to get some of the others to make it. Or make the light last for a long while.”
“Yeah, but everyone you taught was 15 or older.” George pointed out.
“And none of us had to try that hard to find happy memories.” Fred added.
“Or make them up.” They said simultaneously.
“I got Moony to realize eventually.” Harry shrugged, grinning when the twins snapped their heads up at him. Malfoy was watching curiously, but Harry wasn’t looking at him. “Never did talk about that like you said we were going to. I know I was pretty out of it, but I remember you both saying you were going to ask about it later.”
“You called Sirius Padfoot when we rescued you both.” George stated.
“He called you Prongslet.” Fred added.
“Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs were complete dicks when they were in school because they bullied over pranking after a time before going back to actual pranks. Moony was a werewolf, bitten when he was five. Gained his moniker while in school from his dorm mates who discovered it and decided they wanted to become animagi to help with his monthly transitions.”
“Lupin is Moony.” Fred whispered.
“Sirius is Padfoot.” George whispered.
“Pettigrew was Wormtail and dad was Prongs. He was a stag.” Harry agreed.
“Like your patronus.” They said, grinning at each other and then back at Harry.
“How long have you known?” Fred asked.
“At least a year, but probably longer.” George added.
“Found out the year you gave me their map.” Harry shrugged. “Saw Pettigrew on it and showed Moony. He blabbed the whole thing to me when we caught him and Sirius in the shack.”
“You actually went into the Shrieking Shack?” Malfoy asked incredulously.
“It’s only named that way ‘cause Moony would shriek when he would transform once a month while in school.” Harry snorted. “Not actually haunted, just run down from four teenage boys constantly shifting into animals there and either staying inside or going through the woods. Kinda depended what they decided they were doing at the time.”
“That would explain why there’s no actual lore or publications about it.” Malfoy grumbled, slouching down. “I knew it had to be a hoax. I just had no proof.”
“You’re the Marauder legacy.” Fred and George said in awe.
“At your service.” Harry gave a mock bow. “Only one there is and probably will be. Moony and Padfoot aren’t having kids, neither of them feels like they can do that, so it sort of all ends with me.”
“You don’t want kids?” Malfoy asked curiously.
“I … I dunno.” Harry said hesitantly. “Right now I don’t think it would be good. Right now, I wouldn’t want to have someone rely on me so much and feel like I would fuck them up. I don’t really trust myself with … with kids. Yeah, I know generally what not to do. Literally everything that happened to me is bad. Maybe I’ll change my mind when I’m older. My mind healer isn’t really sure whether I’ll develop the ‘normal’ emotional responses that everyone else has to trauma or not. Said I spent long enough in it that I may not ever understand them.”
“Like what?” Malfoy asked, looking confused. “What sort of emotional responses?”
“Crying, for one.” Harry tilted his head. “You ever remember seeing me cry? Even once?”
“I-” Malfoy cut himself off and frowned. “Surely you have.”
“Harry doesn’t cry.” Fred shook his head.
“Even after the tournament, he didn’t cry.” George agreed. “Yeah, he was upset and emotional-”
“But he never actually cried. No tears.” Fred finished.
“I can’t.” Harry shrugged. “I mean, I can, but I learned that crying doesn’t help anything when I was maybe four. No one came to help, no one reassured me, told me I was going to be fine. Sirius has more or less seen me cry once, but not anyone else. I was too scared and angry and just … strung out after the tournament to cry. I didn’t have the energy for it. It wouldn’t have helped anything anyway. I was still just patted on the head and sent right back to my aunt’s house.”
“I thought-” Malfoy pursed his lips and tapped his fingers on the desk for a moment. “I thought you just did it out of sight. I didn’t realize you simply never cried.”
“I can laugh and have fun and I can get pissed off, which you already know.” Harry grinned when Malfoy sighed defeatedly. “I know more or less how to handle those emotions. I’ve only really allowed myself to acknowledge fear and sadness recently. Being afraid, scared, lonely, unhappy, anything like that, never helped anything before. The people who saw didn’t care, the people who cared chose not to see or intervene. It was shit luck that anyone found out even a small portion of what I go through. Went through, whatever. When I got here when we were 11, everyone here was already telling me everything they knew about my life.”
“And no one asked if it was right or not.” Malfoy said flatly. “But you never used it for an advantage.”
“I sort of did.” Harry smirked. “Everyone thought they knew me, so it wasn’t hard to sneak under the radar when I wanted to be unseen. For some reason, people often liked to tell me things. Things they found unimportant. Things that … that I could use later on. For me it was about survival, not gaining an upper hand over someone else. About humiliating them. That didn’t do anything for me. It didn’t do anything for the school or the community at large, generally.”
“So why are you with the demon twins?” Malfoy nodded to Fred and George who rolled their eyes.
“Can’t really go anywhere without them.” Harry chuckled. “They’ve been taking care of me when no one was looking for years. Just because the rest of society suddenly opened their eyes doesn’t mean Fred or George trust they’ll actually keep me safe or anything. They won’t interfere with our lessons, and we can even use the lab for potions if needed. Defense’ll need to be elsewhere so we have room to let you actually attempt things. I’ve got a place, though. They won’t bother us.”
“And if I want to bother them?” Malfoy arched an eyebrow. “I want in. Whatever it is you all have in the works, I want to be part of it.”
“That’s up to Harry.” Fred argued. “We’ll see how things go for a while before that is even a consideration, let alone a conversation.”
“You play nice and maybe we’ll talk about adding you in.” George added.
“You need to see if you can handle me before you have a chance with them.” Harry stated. “They won’t even humor you if they can’t see our arrangement making any sort of progress.”
“Fine.” Malfoy conceded. “Will two evenings a week work for you?”
“Should do.” Harry nodded. “If Snape eventually agrees to let me out of his class, then I’ll just use the normal class time as study time.”
“I’ll speak with him.” Malfoy nodded. “Very well. Gentlemen.” He nodded to the twins before picking up his bag and leaving them alone.
“He’s gonna try and pick you up.” Fred commented.
“Yeah, he didn’t exactly hide it. Was gonna ask if you saw it or if I was imagining it. Guess I’ll have to make him work for it, then.” Harry smirked, making George laugh and Fred grin wickedly.