Chapter Text
{Several years ago}
“Where are we going?” The starving 12 year old boy asked.
“Don’t ask stupid questions, boy. I cannot help you if you don’t trust me. Now stop getting distracted and focus.”
“I don’t exactly know what I’m supposed to be focusing on, do I?” Nico snapped.
“You will feel it when you find it. It will call to you, hell spawn.” The ghost floated a quick circle around him, the glint in his eyes made a shiver run down Nico’s back.
Why did he always have to float above Nico?
Why was he so eager about Nico finding whatever it was anyway?
Nico kept his mouth shut as Minos’ eyes turned sharp with impatience. Nico closed his eyes and let his mind wander again. The labyrinth always tugged at something in his gut whenever he honed his senses on his surroundings. If Minos was to be believed it was because of his proximity to the underworld when he was down here.
The same tug in his gut had Nico clenching his teeth. It always unsettled him so much. He hated it.
Nico could feel absolutely nothing other than his heritage laying its mark on his existence. He felt awful as that sense of tugging pulled him into the urge to go deeper. He did not want to belong down there. That was the place that took Bianca from him…
“Focus, boy!” Minos’ voice was sharp as he hissed.
Nico tried to open his eyes, only for…nothing to happen. He froze.
Nico started as a cold dread suddenly settled into him. He could feel the ghost entering his body, his consciousness.
Stop that! Nico gasped as he felt the firm grasp around his senses. No sound had come out. No breath had been taken. Nico felt tears prickle at the edges of his eyes as he felt Minos cackle inside his head…
Why couldn’t he move.
What are you doing?! Let me go!
Be good then? He could hear the sick delight in the voice that spoke in his head. Nico wanted to cry. Good thing his eyes weren’t cooperating right now. He hated it hated it hated it!
A sob tore out of his mouth as he felt that grip around his lungs recede. Nico coughed as his knees buckled. He heaved in large gulps of air, coughing them out. His lungs rattled with every desperate gulp.
The fight left Nico as the shaking set in. He was so weak…
“Why- why would you do that!?” Nico yelled as the shaking in his hands refused to stop. His stomach was reminding him exactly how long it had been since he had eaten a single morsel of food. He doubled over, his shaking hands connecting with the muddy floor.
“You see how weak you are? You want to bring your sister back with what strength? You think this is supposed to be easy, son of hades?” Minos stood in front of him, milky translucent feet all Nico could see from his position on the filthy floor.
Nico blinked back tears. He was weak.
“You want your sister back? You better learn to be a man, kid.” The ghost sneered. Nico froze. Minos had been in his head…what exactly had he seen…
“I don’t need you!” Nico snapped back, glaring up at the ghost who just tilted his head, looking down at Nico.
“So you don’t want your sister back? You know no one else would help you with that, son of Hades…You think there’s anyone else you can trust? You already put your precious sister in that hero’s trusted hands…Where did that leave you, kid? I’m the only one who can help you get stronger. That doesn’t come without you realizing exactly how weak you are.” Minos circled his prone form. Nico gritted his teeth.
“Do not.” Nico snarled.
“You know it’s true. Now be good and focus. It should feel like ten spirits trying to possess you when you find it. Reach for it. They cannot possess you.”
Nico froze. Ten spirits trying to possess him…
Nico suppressed a shiver as he closed his eyes, letting his senses travel further than the mud between his fingers and the cold pain seeping in through his pants straight into his knees. He could feel his awareness travel further and further down until he felt like he was home…
Home had never felt so unwelcoming before.
Deeper.
The headache building behind his eyes screamed at him to stop. Nico kept going further. He didn’t know what part of him power let him do…whatever this was, but it felt even flimsier than shadow travelling. It felt…breakable.
A sharp stab of cold jolted him out of his reverie as he gasped. Nico collapsed completely on the ground as helpless shivers wracked his entire body. “I…I think I found it…”
“Well then you better eat up on those fries, you saved earlier. It’ll take energy shadow travelling us both there…” Minos’ smile was sharp enough to cut stone. Nico closed his eyes as the shivers continued. It had felt so cold…
He had to do it for Bianca…
He would do anything to get his sister back. She was the only one he had…
…
“Along the river Styx huh…makes sense that was where he hid it.” Minos muttered to himself.
Nico was sitting against the rocks beside the flowing river. He could barely keep his eyes open. Shadow travel always felt like his very soul being sucked out of his body to mingle with the darkness. Nico hated it. It almost felt like he was a part of that darkness. He was not. Nico was more than what his heritage demanded of him. He was his mama’s son. He was Bianca’s brother. Being Hades’ son, did not define his existence.
Nico gritted his teeth as he forced himself to his feet. “Who are you talking about?”
“Some legends are better left buried, Hades’ spawn.” Minos’s voice sounded almost reflective, with a hint of contemplative amusement. Nico did not want to question the ghost when he was being so weird about it. But this was about his quest for his sister not whatever this ghost king thought was funny.
“What does that even mean?”
“The fates weave all heroes’ stories. But only the ones fighting against the underworld are the ones who gain their glory. Those associated with the underworld always die without as much fanfare. I guess it’s the underworld’s way of keeping its stories private.”
Nico’s brows furrowed as he heard the ghost mumble about fates and stories. Nico did not see how that was in any way beneficial to him. He did not define himself with his relation with the underworld. He did not care whatever lost legends Minos was talking about.
There was a time when Nico would gush about any new information he could get about the Greek world, especially the underworld. Even more so if someone told him it was information that no one else knew. If only it hadn’t been for that Hades’ figurine…his sister might still have been alive if it weren’t for that damned figurine.
“Let us go find you your weapon, son of Hades…”
Nico’s head snapped back towards Minos. A weapon. Nico imagined a scythe pair of daggers, fitting perfectly in his hands. He’d be stronger with those…
Nico closed his eyes, focusing once again at the terrifying seeping cold that he had felt when Minos had overtaken his body and mind. Nico felt an immediate sensation of claws along his arm pulling him along the edge of the river. Nico let himself follow that invisible predatory guide.
Nico could feel Minos trailing behind him, quiet for once in his endless afterlife. One would expect the Ghost King to speak less…
Nico paused as the sudden aura of death surrounded him. Nico opened his eyes. He was at the entrance of a cave. The cave radiated such…sorrow…panic…entrapment…
Nico had the urge to turn away and run.
“Go on, Hades’ spawn…You need a weapon if you ever hope to get your sister back…A soul for a soul requires a…fresh soul after all…” Minos floated by his shoulder as he whispered right beside his ear. Nico stared at the entrance stealing himself…
He had to. For Bianca.
Nico stepped into the dark yawning mouth of the cavern.
Inside, a subtle light emanated from the center of the small cave. There, sat a glowing, pure black sword, that would have younger Nico drooling all over it. Present Nico had bigger things to worry about. Like the ghostly aura surrounding the blade lying innocently on a raised dais in the middle of a cave in the underworld.
“What will be the price…?” Nico mumbled. He’d learnt his lesson in the little time he had had to learn to be by himself.
“It’s an underworldly blade. It is your right.” Minos smiled. “Claim it, son of Hades.”
Nico reached forward towards the sword. The curved tip of it was to swoon for…
Nico let his hand hover over the blade for a second. He suppressed a gasp as he felt it.
Nico could feel it trapped inside…
“What…”
“Souls…of the bearers enemies…” The absolute delight in Minos voice made Nico feel sick to the stomach. He was going to throw up. Nico could feel the panic and confusion coming from within the blade. The pain…the desire to be free. “I guess that is the price you have to pay, Hades’ spawn…learn to be what you are meant to. Own your heritage…”
Nico grasped the hilt of the sword. He grunted as the burning began.
Nico tried to let go of the sword. His fingers refused to unwrap. His vision blurred as the souls clawed up his bones from within. So cold…
Nico screamed as the claws dug into his spine and dragged down.
“Feed it your blood.” Minos’ voice seemed like it was coming through thick syrup towards Nico. Nico turned his head towards the ghost as if through sap. Why was he so blurry? Why did it hurt so so much…?
Nico blinked up at the ghost standing so far away. Was he…smiling…? Nico couldn’t tell.
Nico could feel everything draining out of him. The sword sucking the life out of him. It felt heady…terrifying…comforting?
“You won’t ever see Bianca again if your soul goes into that sword. Blood. Feed it your blood, kid.” Minos said. Or at least Nico thought it was him. That mean ghost…
Nico looked down at the sword hilt in his hand. He blinked at the black veins of his forearm stare back at him. That wasn’t the colour they were supposed to be…
Bianca…
Nico didn’t wanna never see his sister again…
“Blood, Nico.”
Huh? Was his nose bleeding?
Nico felt something drip from his eyes. Was he crying? He looked back down at his arm. Blood?
More drops of blood painted his arm as Nico blinked the blurriness out of his eyes. It was suspiciously red. Nico pulled the blade closer to look at himself through its reflection.
Nico frowned as a drop of blood dripped onto the immaculate blade.
Everything snapped back into focus as Nico gasped.
“Took you a while didn’t it? You are a bit slow.” Minos remarked casually, as if Nico’s eyes weren’t currently bleeding.
“What did you make me do you bastard?!” Nico rasped. He didn’t know how long he had been screaming but it felt like it must have been hours.
“I got you one of the strongest ancient weapons a child of the underworld could have, obviously. Now it is time you claim it back. You don’t want to have a blade’s one sided claim on you for too long. Better make it mutual…” Minos laughed as if he had something oh so amusing.
“What does that mean?!”
“It is time you make your first kill…” Nico wanted to run at the sight of that smile on the ghost’s face.
“I won’t kill anyone who doesn’t deserve it…” Nico swallowed the nervousness that bubbled up inside him.
“Oh son of Hades…you’ll kill the first option you get. Because you don’t have time. If I were you…I’d find an animal. Soon. Since you wish to be so righteous as to not kill just any human…”
“I’m not just going to kill an animal as a sacrifice to a soul sucking blade!”
“Then let us go find you a murderer…”
——*-*-*——
{Present Day}
Nico looked down at his hands. He could feel how bloody they were. He’d scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed at them that first time he had killed a man.
Now he just stared at his hands that looked so clean. As if the blood of everyone he had killed didn’t coat them. No matter how much he scrubbed they never really felt clean after that first kill.
Nico had convinced himself it was fine. He had killed a murderer.
But Minos had turned out to be a liar about many things. That thought haunted Nico many a day.
Nico had promised himself after Daedalus…he’d never kill on someone else’s command again. He would never be a pawn in someone else’s game again. But he had been. He had let his father make him a pawn in his godly games. He’d trapped Percy in the underworld before the final battle. He’d promised himself then again that he would make up for everything he had done. He would be a better person.
He would outrun his fate as a child of the underworld.
He had dived so deep into that fate now that he didn’t even know he could dig his way out of his grave. All because he had been a coward…
Nico had tried time and again to fix all the messes that he had made…
He never really succeeded at that. He always ended up creating bigger problems. He’d try to find out about the doors of death, he’d ended up being a liability. He’d tried to be the middle ground between the camps, he had just ended up on the sidelines.
Nico could never be sure, if his good really ended up outweighing the bad.
All the people that surrounded him. His friends—his family. Nico had no doubt they would all end up in Elysium. The shame that overcame him every time he wondered what they’d think if he didn’t…
He just wanted to be worthy of the company he kept…
So when his father had offered him a place, forever in his palace after it was his time, in exchange for being his executioner…? Nico had said yes.
Nico’s hands shook as he stared at them. In his room in the palace in the underworld, Nico sat at the edge of his bed facing the window. If Nico looked up, he’d have the perfect view of the fields of asphodel. The fields where the most ordinary of souls ended up…
The shaking just intensified.
Nico had been selfish and a coward when he had taken up his father’s deal. When he’d agreed to be his father’s reaper. Nico had willingly agreed to once again be nothing more than a puppet to someone else.
A mindless sword to be wielded. Not good. Not bad. Just…a weapon. Ordinary. Meant for nothing grander than the fields of asphodel. Forgotten. No identity. Just another soul stuck with its guilt for the rest of eternity.
Nico’s breath hitched. He had a habit of taking walks along the fields, especially the field of asphodel. He had always felt like that was where he’d end up. He knew his father shared that belief. Why else would he have a room right above them? If his father had wanted to torture him, his room would have faced the fields of punishment…
Nico stared at the lines tracing along his palms. Was his fate written there? The shaking didn’t let him read. He wasn’t very good at reading anyway.
Nico was a liar. He had lied to the people he loved. They deserved to know what he was. He was not a hero like them. He was a nobody. A nobody who would’ve been destined for the fields of nothingness if he hadn’t made a deal with the ‘devil’.
Nico had always been suffering. But he had never been the one who stood by and let someone else decide anything for him. He had killed before but it had been a choice. He had tried and he had tried hard, to be worthy. Even if he had ended up failing when it came to his judgement day, it would have been his.
But he still wouldn’t return it to what it was.
Because he was a coward.
Tears pricked the corners of Nico’s eyes.
He had still kept them close. But Will…? Nico couldn’t lie to Will about something like that? The others? They weren’t as perfect themselves…
But Will? That beautiful blue eyed boy, Nico dreamed of more nights than he would ever admit? Nico couldn’t lie to him about something like this…
Jason might have convinced himself it was ok to like guys but he could never convince Nico that he deserved the likes of William Andrew Solace…
Will had made sure, Nico forgot how the clawing of hunger in his stomach felt like. Will had made sure that Nico knew what it was like to have a warm embrace in the darkest of his times.
But Will had left a void in his heart so much bigger than the one that used to live in his stomach. It was easier to go hungry…
With every small wound he had healed with a soft, chastising smile Nico could not look away from. With every forced meal and every forced hang out, Nico had slowly melted into his orbit.
Nico had told Will things he had yet to open up about with Mr. D. And Will had held him through every single one of those things. Months was all it took that boy to have a hold on his heart so strong that it was wrenched out of place every time Nico tried to push him away.
Nico missed Will. He missed him so much sometimes. He missed him when it got too bored. He missed him when at every meal he had to eat by himself. He missed him when he was cold. He missed him when he was sad. Hades, Nico once missed Will because he got a fucking paper cut and he cried about it. In his defense it had been a long day.
Nico missed Will at every minor inconvenience that graced his day.
Nico missed Will most right now. Nico missed Will now, when he felt so, so alone…
That was all he deserved in the end. He did not deserve the shine of those eyes. He had done nothing worthy. He deserved to be just another soul in that endless field of confusion and lost identity and yearning for something so out of their reach.
Nico had done nothing to deserve the warmth of the embrace that he craved right now. He curled up into a ball, head on his knees. He was so cold. He was so alone…
Why was it so so so cold?
Why did his heart still burn?
Tears burned his eyes as the torment of the souls below got louder. He was no better than them. The only reason he was up here while they were down there was because of his luck of being born of his father. His father who did not truly care for him.
Nico was a coward. Nico was selfish and a coward who broke the one promise he had made himself and crossed the one line he had drawn for himself. He only did it to keep his friendships…even after all of them were dead…
The tears flowed freely down his face as he stared at his shaking hands. If he looked a little longer maybe the blood he saw there would finally disappear again. It always disappeared after a while. Breathing always got easier again after a while. But it just didn’t seem to fade tonight. He wasn’t allowed to go scrub it off his hands…
Breathing was just getting harder. He was panting like a dog.
He’d done this to himself. He was a selfish selfish man.
Nico was a coward.
He was a coward and the burning in his heart just told him to be more of a coward.
So what if he decided to be more selfish…
So what if he wanted to be more of a coward.
So what if he let that warmth envelope him just once more…
It wouldn’t hurt if it was only just once more would it?
He was so cold…
His heart burned so much…
Would it be so bad if he let that fire meet its source just one more time…?
Maybe this time, it would stop burning every time something minor happened…
Nico let the shadows wrap around himself as the window disappeared.
…
Nico was standing at the edge of a bed in the Apollo cabin. He was staring down at the blond boy sleeping there. Oh just the sight of him…
There were others sleeping on the surrounding bunks. Nico knew none of them would wake up from just his presence. He knew Will would.
Nico suppressed a smile as he was immediately proven right, with the son of Apollo blearily opening his eyes and blinking owlishly at him. Nico wanted to smile despite his puffy eyes.
His urge to smile died down as he saw the guarded look in Will’s eyes…
He had done that…
Nico had put that look in his bright, trusting, gentle eyes…
The shame that filled Nico was unlike anything he had ever felt. He shouldn’t have come here. He did not deserve any warmth from that kind, giving boy. His words were barely a whisper, “I’m sorry…”
“You want to talk about it?” Will asked as his eyes immediately softened. Nico wondered how bleary sleep filled eyes could be so expressive.
Nico shook his head tentatively at that question. He did not want to wake him up at the late hour of the night just to lay his problems on him. Will seemed to understand immediately as he shifted and pulled away the blanket over him, holding it up.
An invitation…
Nico felt tears well up in his eyes again. What did he ever do to deserve that…?
“I won’t stay too long…” Nico murmured softly, climbing straight into those welcoming arms. Will always smelled so…warm? Did warmth even have a smell? If it did, it was the smell that surrounded this blond boy of his dreams. It wasn’t an overly sweet smell. It just…was…
Nico let himself melt into the embrace that felt more like home that any place he ever remembered staying in.
“Stay as long as you need…” Will murmured just as softly into his hair. He tangled his fingers through Nico’s hair and Nico tightened his arms around his waist.
He could breathe again…
He could breathe in that scent for the rest of his life and never get tired…
Nico couldn’t overstay his welcome in the only home that truly made him feel safe. Nico couldn’t take advantage of that beautiful kind boy’s charity. Before the first rays of morning woke everyone in the cabin, Nico would be gone.
But for now?
But for now cradled in arms that held him like he was something precious?
Nico let himself rest for the first time since five nights ago, when that nightmare had dragged him to the underworld. Nico let himself enjoy something he didn’t think he could ever truly deserve.
Come morning, Will Solace woke up in bed alone, wondering if he had just had another one of his dumb loneliness driven dreams. But the lingering smell of the earth grounded him in reality.
Nico had really been there…