Chapter Text
It doesn’t seem like the worst deal, but Lindsay is right here. I want to make Heather think she’s won our little debate, but I don’t want her to think I’m just giving up completely. Lindsay already knows about the deal, so it makes sense to involve her regardless. She might be able to bargain it down on my behalf, and it’ll remind Lindsay I actually value her opinion. I’m not gonna just let Heather make her her unknowing pawn.
“Lindsay, what do you think?” you ask.
“Aww,” Lindsay chirps. “Thanks for asking, Zeph.”
"Why are you asking her?!" Heather protests. “This is between us.”
“Yeah,” you agree. “All of us.”
"And, like, it’s really nice of you to include all four of us!”
“All… four?”
There’s me, Heather, and Lindsay. Who is the fourth?
Developing some situational awareness, you peer around. You discover your answer.
Kyra’s munching on the popcorn. “Thanks for finally noticing me,” she says with food in her mouth. “You two are incredibly entertaining together. You should totally just go on stage and argue!”
Heather is mortified. “How -”
“You two were so engrossed in each other that you ignored your surroundings. It was totes adorable,” Kyra teases. “Maybe you really should go on a date.”
“Kyra,” Heather sternly responds. “I’m not going out with Zeph.”
“And Zeph shoots from the free-throw line, but it bounces off the backboard!”
“What does that even mean?” you wonder.
“I don’t know, Kyra shrugs. “I don’t play basketball. But you took a shot, and you missed.”
“More like you took a shot for me.”
“Wait, who has a gun?” Lindsay scratches her head, baffled. “Do we need to duck and cover?”
An arrow whizzes past Lindsay’s head, causing the blonde’s eyes to widen.
“Sorry, eh!” Ezekiel says in the distance. “Did I hit anyone?!”
“Almost!” Heather screams.
“Great!” he naively celebrates.
“He doesn’t mean that, dudes!” Geoff quickly clarifies.
That’s not what bagging babes means, Zeke. That was absolutely the wrong thing to say. In no universe is that the right choice of words!
Heather glares in the homeschool kid’s direction. “If the Killer Bass allows him to make it to the merge, I swear there will be hell to pay.”
“That was, like, so not cool,” Lindsay nods.
“I can’t believe I’m agreeing with the mean girl, but I am,” Kyra concurs.
“Thank you,” Heather accepts the compliment.
“Anyway, I’m more than open to an alliance,” Kyra butts in. “I have no allegiance to anyone right now. I think I might be the only person on the Screaming Gophers without an alliance.”
“And what makes you so certain about that?” you raise an eyebrow.
“I know how to read a room.”
“Yet you don’t have an alliance? Despite everyone eating your snacks?”
“I’m an acquired taste,” Kyra defends.
“Your snacks aren’t,” you quip.
“Very well,” Heather concedes. “The four of us will be an alliance.”
“Awesome,” Kyra cheers. “What are we calling ourselves?”
“The Friendship!” Lindsay suggests. “'Cause we’re all friends now!”
“I guess, from a certain point of view, an alliance is also necessarily a friendship.”
At least friends in the game.
It doesn’t take you long to reunite with the rest of your team. The good news, at least, is that while everyone heard the bickering, they don’t appear to be aware of The Friendship. If they are, the Gophers aren’t saying anything.
One by one, the other Gophers audition for the talent show. You can’t lie; Heather runs a tight ship. No one is allowed to skip the audition process.
You already saw Owen’s talent. It’s still gross, but in a way that at least some of the guys can appreciate it. In no universe does Heather allow him to perform, though.
You figure it's a good thing that Kyra just got in Heather's good graces, because she doesn’t have much going for her in the talent department. In fact, Kyra doesn’t have any talent. Well, no talent besides giving people candy to forget she doesn’t have a talent.
That’ll only work as long as she’s got the food. And she has to run out eventually… right?
It comes as no surprise to you that Trent plays his guitar. He’s quite good, of that there’s no doubt. With Justin gone, he’s taking the model’s place as the Gopher’s resident “Most Mysterious and Irresistible award winner. Literally. Trent apparently won that back in junior high.
I bet there’s a story there.
But Trent’s not the only guy who plays an instrument. Cody’s rocking the keyboard. And by rocking, you mean hitting random keys while making sounds you’re sure mimic some sort of animal’s mating cries. It’s an original piece; one that can barely be called music. You don’t, but he does. Cody clearly has talent for the piano, but his insistence on trying to be cool completely ruins his flow.
There’s also Gwen. You learned during the Awake-a-thon that Gwen actually knows how to play the drums. But that’s not the talent she auditioned with. She showed some of her art instead. She’s incredibly talented, but art takes time, and you don’t know if an art exhibit is the type of talent fit for a talent show.
There are several dancers on the Screaming Gophers, and some are significantly better than others. Leshawna is the least talented; there’s nothing gifted about it. In fact, her stopping was a gift in itself. But you cannot deny Leshawna’s self-confidence. That confidence is the real talent. And a good one. Just not one that is at all applicable to a talent show.
Heather, for once, completely outshines Leshawna with her ballet. If you didn’t argue, perhaps she could’ve had a bit more time to practice her routine to shake off the slight rust. But even as she is, Heather is talented. Though not that she’d hear you admit it, she could never go pro.
The same could not be said for Lindsay. When Lindsay told you she was voted the MVP of her gymnastics team, you thought she meant the cheerleading squad. Turns out she meant both. It might not be dancing, but it might as well be dancing with the way your blonde bestie can move her body. If you had to critique it, the issue is that Lindsay didn’t bring her leotard.
What exactly is she supposed to wear? Her swimsuit?
Comparatively, Nina isn’t at risk of a wardrobe malfunction. The only thing her magic routine is missing is a rabbit in her hat. And she’s pretty good at it, too. And after all the music adjacent acts, it was refreshing.
But after Daniel’s talent, he might need to freshen up. Daniel is a mechanic by trade. And it seems he is quite good at his job. You’d trust him to work on your car if you had one. But what could Daniel work on that would be a quick fix and also impress Chef?
Last but certainly not least is Noah.
“How would you like me to roast you? I take requests. ”
“Roast?” Lindsay questions. “You’re, like, going to cook me alive?!”
“Well done,” Noah smirks. “You are a perfect representation of your stereotype.”
“Stereos are so last century, though?”
“And so are you, millennial.”
“I’m a what?”
“And it’ll take you a millennium to figure out what that means.”
CONFESSIONAL:
Noah:
“An excuse to belittle my peers in a socially acceptable way? How could I not partake?”
END OF CONFESSIONAL:
“Am I not auditioning?” you question the Queen Bee.
“I’m not setting any fires,” Heather belittles you. “But if someone does, we know who to call.”
“Anyway, who are you thinking of for the final acts?”
“Myself, of course,” Heather boldly smirks. “Then Trent and Noah.”
“Why?”
“Because if either of them screw up? Easy targets tonight.”
“Shouldn’t we be trying to win? Do you think they’re our best options?”
“I’m not trying to win,” Heather files her nails. “If we lose the challenge, we can eliminate the threats on our team. We can’t control what the Killer Bass are trying to do.”
“You want to throw?”
“Not obviously. But the Killer Bass are a shoo-in to win this. Why not set up people to be the fall guy when we inevitably lose?”
“Why are you so convinced we’ll lose?”
“Call it a woman’s intuition. Something you wouldn’t know about.”
“I guess not,” you relent.
“Besides, you want me to get the idol hint. I will beat Trent and Noah; I can guarantee it. You want anyone else to have it?”
“I…”
“So you agree?”
Do I? If I go with Heather’s plan, then I expect to lose. We wouldn’t be obviously throwing, but Heather’s picks are clearly strategically chosen. And she’s genuinely trying to work with me. If I fight her picks, I doubt she’d be happy. If I’m going against Heather’s choices, it better be our best three acts. Do I even pick just one person?
DECISION POINT #1: Will You Agree With Heather’s Picks? (Heather, Noah, Trent)
A - Yes
B - No
DECISION POINT #2: If No, Who Are The Three Acts?
A - Cody
B - Daniel
C - Gwen
D - Heather
E - Kyra
F - Leshawna
G - Lindsay
H - Nina
I - Noah
J - Owen
K - Trent
L - Zeph
M - ???