Chapter Text
Sam woke from a light doze just as they arrived back at the bunker. He immediately felt excited and a little nervous realizing that it was the first time in his life that he was having someone move in with him instead of moving in together like he had with Jess, or moving into someone else’s home, as with Amelia. Granted, she wasn’t moving in with him per se, but into the bunker, but it still felt like a big step. The place had been such a man cave other than when Mrs Butters was there. Would Eileen want to change things? Would Dean object?
The three of them brought half Eileen’s boxes in on the first trip. Dean and Cas were at a research table, sitting very close together with Cas’ arm across the back of Dean’s chair, looking at Dean’s laptop.
“Heya Sammy. Those Eileen’s stuff?” Dean asked. He sounded so relaxed that Sam felt his eyebrows rise.
“Um, yeah,” Sam said, watching so distractedly that he nearly walked into a wall: Cas put his hand on the back of Dean’s neck, making Dean’s eyes close and a smile light his face.
“Sam!” Eileen’s voice caught him before he collided with the corner leading to the living quarters hallway. He smiled gratefully over his shoulder at her, then continued down the hall, marveling at Dean’s transformation. His brother looked ten years younger and his voice hadn’t sounded like he’d gargled with broken glass.
Sam stopped at the room next to his own.
“Wanna be neighbors?” Sam asked Eileen.
“Sure,” she said.
They brought the rest of Eileen’s belongings to the room, and Sam gave her a kiss and left her to get settled. He hurried back to his brother to see what other changes Cas had wrought in Dean.
“You guys looking for a case?” Sam asked as he approached, trying to be casual about their obvious intimacy. Cas was so wrapped around Dean he was nearly in his lap and when Sam came around and could see their faces, their lips were both puffy like they’d been kissing. Oh my. Maybe that idea of kicking them out for a honeymoon wasn’t as far fetched as he’d thought.
“We are exploring recipes for Dean to cook for dinner,” Cas informed Sam.
Sam felt himself give an actual double take. “Y-You—ah—dinner, sure, okay.”
“I think we deserve a break from monster hunting for a while,” Dean said.
Sam was certain his eyes were going to pop out.
“You’re really gonna go all domestic after one night together?” Sam blurted.
Dean glared at him, his face turning red. “Why not? I’ve spent my entire life fighting. Maybe I wanna retire, Sammy. I deserve that... If...”
Cas sat up and joined in shooting daggers at Sam. “Dean deserves happiness. He is free now. If he chooses not to kill ever again, that is his right and I will defend that with the last of my grace,” Cas growled, and Sam took a step back. The air thickened in the room and Sam raised his hands.
“Whoa, sure, yeah, you guys can do anything you want.”
Dean murmured something to Castiel, and Cas settled back and returned his focus to Dean, putting his arm around Dean’s waist and pulling him close.
Sam drew out a chair and sat down across from them. He wondered at the cuddling. Sam had only ever seen Dean so physical in a non-sexual situation when he was trying to get into a sexual situation. And he never would have imagined Cas being so possessive and protective of Dean, but Sam had helped bring Cas back, so he was just going to have to accept the consequences of that.
“Um, so...dinner? Have you narrowed it down?”
“I think we’ve got the stuff for, um, beef stroganoff,” Dean said. He had a sort of hopeful look on his face and the vulnerability was too much for Sam to argue with.
“That sounds good, man. Thanks.”
Dean looked skeptically at Sam then smiled when he saw Sam was sincere.
“Well, good. Cool.”
Eileen appeared, walking with Jack from the direction of their rooms.
“Guys, I think we have an idea for getting the bunker up to full power,” Eileen announced. Sam stared.
“Like when Mrs Butters was here?” Dean asked.
“ Exactly ,” Jack said. Eileen moved to the end of the table so she’d be able to see everyone, and Jack went on, “ Only with less murderous intent. ”
“Hey, you’re signing! You know sign language?” Dean exclaimed.
Jack nodded, and Cas squeezed Dean’s shoulder then moved his arm back in front of himself and signed along as he spoke.
“ We understand all languages ,” Cas said.
Dean looked as disgruntled as Sam felt.
“Son of a bitch! I’m gonna have to learn too I guess. Can’t have you guys talking behind my back in front of my face.”
Cas looked puzzled by Dean’s contradictory sentence, but Sam looked to Eileen and her eyes were suspiciously shiny as she looked at all of them. She met his gaze and blinked rapidly, shrugging at him.
“The power Jack released is out there, and I think we can create a ritual so we can harness that, or tap into it, and power the wards and equipment here,” Eileen said, brushing off the emotional moment.
Sam’s mind went to Rowena and all he’d learned from her. He felt the pang of the loss of her, but before he could become maudlin, he recalled several rituals that were used to gather energy to power other, more elaborate spells.
“I think that could work!”
Jack and Eileen looked thrilled by his statement. The three began discussing it, and Sam only paused to glare briefly at Dean when he heard him mutter, “Sam-witch.” Dean shrugged at him, smiling, and while Cas seemed interested in their idea, the angel followed Dean when Dean went to the kitchen to start the planned dinner.
Working with Eileen, who was so smart Sam sometimes felt intimidated, and Jack, whose instinctual knowledge of the arcane was uncanny, Sam was thrilled and kind of in awe of how quickly they brought a plan together.
The trio described it to Cas and Dean over dinner, which was actually pretty tasty, although Sam was grateful for the big salad that they’d made to go with the extremely heavy meal.
“You think it’s, uh, like safe to use that energy?” Dean asked. “I mean, Chuck was the ultimate dick and used it to dick us around our whole lives.”
“I belie—“
“I knew there was too much dick in this bunker,” Eileen snarked, interrupting Cas and making Sam choke on a bite of kale.
Dean paused thoughtfully for a moment. “Yeah, you’re probably right about that one,” he said to Eileen with a straight face, then cracked a smile that had her laughing.
Sam felt a warmth in his chest watching them laugh together.
“We should rename this place,” Dean declared.
“Yeah?” Sam asked. “What do you propose?” He was ready for a smart ass response and was surprised at Dean’s thoughtful expression.
“What about Hunters Inc, or Hunter Headquarters or something?”
“I doubt this entity will ever become a corporation,” Cas said.
“I like having Hunters in it. I want to get networking again,” Sam said.
“Men of Letters is so stuffy, not to mention sexist,” Eileen added.
“Hunter Central? Since Lebanon is near the exact center of the United States?” Jack suggested.
It clicked for Sam and he grinned. “I love it. All in favor?”
“Ohmygod you’re introducing parliamentary procedure? I’m out!” Dean griped.
“Aye!” Eileen raised her hand, then flipped Dean off.
“So if I agree, I say aye?” Jack asked. Sam nodded and Jack called out his agreement, mimicking Eileen’s raised hand and her rude gesture, waving his middle finger around rather than aiming it at Dean.
They all cracked up, and Sam considered it a passed motion.
Jack volunteered to clean up, and the two couples retreated separately, Dean and Cas to the Dean Cave, Dean talking shit about whooping Cas at a video game, and Sam and Eileen towards their rooms.
Sam touched Eileen’s shoulder and she looked at him. He took a deep breath and spoke slowly, signing what he could.
“I know it’s been a long day, but do you think we could have that talk?”
Her expression was gentle as she touched his cheek and scratched lightly at his stubble.
“Of course.”
So Sam found himself laying on his bed, facing Eileen, both having only removed their boots, about to tell her about being tortured in the cage by Lucifer.
He started out giving her the rundown on how he’d ended up there, praising Dean for helping him to break the devil’s hold long enough to jump into the cage.
“If I had any idea how bad it was gonna be, I...” Sam shook his head. “I don’t know if I would have been able to...”
Eileen took his hand. “You did it. Don’t second guess.” She kissed his knuckles. “Keep going.”
“Time is different there. Dean said that it was like a month here is ten years there, so I was in there for, I guess, over a hundred years.”
**
Sam’s mind went to the time he had been fully in the cage, body and soul. “That was, um, the total time I was there, but... I only remember part of that time. I mean, I only remember specifics, but...the specific memories are what I have the nightmares about, so...” He sighed. “I don’t know how long I was there, body and soul. At some point, Cas tried to get me out and only brought my body. So I was living for a while without a soul and that’s...not good. And my soul kept getting tortured the whole time. When I got my soul back, um, well, eventually I got my memories and they drove me insane but... Cas took them and so I have this chunk of time that’s not clear but just...feels really terrifying and horrible.”
Eileen nodded and waited, and Sam felt himself start to shake knowing the hard part was still to come. She leaned forward and kissed him softly then looked him in the eyes and nodded to encourage him.
“Um, like, the regular type torture stuff that we all as hunters just sort of know about was barely a warmup for Lucifer. And I couldn’t, I couldn’t die, so it just... it was bad. So much pain. I...he could practically read my mind and so I couldn’t—detatch from it?” He looked at her in question. She flinched slightly and nodded. His heart hurt that she had cause in her life to seem familiar with dissociation of that sort. “Yeah. Awful. But the psychological stuff...” Sam shuddered and shook his head. “He’d...he would comfort me. He’d heal little parts of...” Sam squeezed his eyes shut. “I took his comfort. I let him comfort me after he did...unspeakable things to me...” Tears came from under Sam’s eyelashes and wet the pillow beneath him. He opened his eyes after a steadying breath, nervous at Eileen’s reaction to his weakness, but she still had the sympathetic expression of sorrow she’d had before. One more breath, and he continued. “He raped me and he then took care of me and then he’d do it again and then torture me until I was going crazy with it. I really thought I was losing my mind. And this morning, when you spooned me and pulled me close and kissed my back... I flashed back to him soothing me while he did it and I—“ Sam broke down then and tried to stifle his sobs. Eileen’s hands cupped his face, then pulled him to her, wrapped her strong arms around his head and neck and gathered him as close as she could, and he let himself cry.
When he calmed slightly, he pulled back to admit the thing that for him, was the worst. “And I started liking it. The rape became more like rough sex, and it was the least painful thing he did and I... I don’t know how I could like it but I’m twisted and—“
“ No .” Eileen spoke firmly and her fingers nearly snapped with the force of the word.
**
“There’s nothing wrong or bad about how you coped. You’re alive. That’s what matters, Sam. Do not beat yourself up over anything you did. I won’t let you.”
He huffed a long sigh and looked at her mournfully. “But I’ve always...”
Understanding filled Eileen’s face. “It doesn’t matter what kind of sex you liked before that, or what kind you want now. You didn’t deserve any of what Lucifer did to you and it has no bearing at all on what I see when I look at you. Sam, you’re a kind, strong, smart, wonderful person. I’m not going to judge you based on what you’re telling me.”
Sam examined her expression carefully and could find no lie in it. The fear and tension went out of him in a rush and he felt himself shaking with reaction. Tears came again, but from relief and exhaustion.
“I love you so much,” Sam said, and tried to smile at her. Her half smile in return was warm and soothing. She kissed his forehead and ran her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and relaxed as much as he could.
Several minutes later, Sam opened his eyes. Eileen was still watching him, and he smiled. “I’m gonna fall asleep if we stay here much longer.”
Eileen pushed him over onto his back and climbed on top of him. She grinned down at him and raised her eyebrows suggestively.
“I don’t think you want to go to sleep quite yet, do you?” She asked playfully, pressing herself against his groin. He grinned and put his hands on her thighs.
“You’re definitely right about that,” he said, nodding.
Her face grew serious. “One question. A real question.”
“ Okay ,” he signed.
She frowned a little, apparently organizing her thoughts. “I’m not judging you no matter what your answer is, okay?”
He nodded slowly, feeling nerves creep in.
“Is it only because of what happened with Lucifer that you identify as bisexual?”
“Oh! No, no. I had a couple flings in college, and um, after. Boys, and men...always interested me the same way girls and women did.”
Her posture relaxed. She brushed his hair back from his face. “Good. And, just so you know, I have a harness if you ever want to bottom.”
She said it so offhand he was speechless for a moment.
“Good...to know?” He replied. He had no idea if he’d ever feel safe enough to do that, but the offer was genuine and kind, and so he sat up and kissed her and they rolled around making out like teenagers before they fell asleep together like the exhausted adults that they actually were.