Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Sex.

It's something Chan is particularly familiar with, given the his bestfriends are Wonwoo and Seungcheol, but it was something he's not familiar with on a personal level. Its always on another perspective for him. Its when Wonwoo's pre-coffee-post-orgasm-sleep-deprived brain starts recounting his night with Chan with no filter at all aside from his knack of being extremely poetic when talking about sex.

Chan's pretty sure cum doesn't taste the way Wonwoo told him it does.

And he's also pretty sure Seungcheol doesn't sweat like beads of sunlight caught on his skin or whatever the fuck that means.

But yeah.

Sex.

Not something Chan was all too familiar with.

Not before Jihoon, at least.

Now, Chan spends more than half of the week going home to Jihoon's place and then spending the rest of the week alone in his apartment with nothing but the lingering ache scattered around his waist and neck and his entire lower body to remind him of what he could be doing with Jihoon, what Jihoon could be doing to him, if he wasn't too prideful to admit that he is kind of getting addicted to it. Getting addicted to Jihoon or sex, he's not too sure either. But one thing he's sure of is that he cant get enough of both.

And here he is, cumming untouched for the first time in his whole life all because Jihoon is fucking him in his own bed, in his own apartment and Jihoon is telling him how he feels too perfect to be real. How it feels like he's made to take him, perfectly made to take Jihoon's dick in any way he could.

Jihoon pulls out, ever so gently, but it still surprises Chan because of how empty he feels. Chan groans and gasps into the tender kiss Jihoon gives him and he reaches for his waist, pulling him back.

"You didn't…" Chan trails off as Jihoon kisses under his jaw and down to his neck.

"It's fine baby."

"I want you to. It's only fair." Chan says and Jihoon hums.

"Are you sure?" Jihoon asks and Chan nods.

Chan has read about it before. The feeling of being pushed to you limits and then some more. The sensation that goes beyond pleasure and bordering on pain. The kind of pleasure you can't get to on your own easily but can get to very easily when someone else takes control of your body for you.

Overstimulation.

Chan wants to hide, wants to turn away from Jihoon as his tears pool on his eyes from how everything feels twice as good and twice as painful, when the stretch stings twice as much regardless of how long Jihoon's been fucking him tonight. Jihoon stills inside him when he's sheathed in completely, shushes Chan and kisses him. He wipes the tears that finally falls when Chan closes his eyes because he cant bear the weight of Jihoon's gaze on him. Can't bear the weight of someone looking at him like he's everything and more.

"You okay?" Jihoon asks, kissing his cheek, and Chan nods.

Jihoon pulls back without warning and fucks back in just as slow. Chan's not sure if going slow is better or not because it may not be as intense as when Jihoon fucks him hard but the slow sensation paired with how spent he is just makes him lose his mind a little every time Jihoon thrusts back in.

It could have been a few minutes, it could've been an hour, it could've been longer or shorter, Chan doesn’t really know. All Chan knows is that he didn't mean to pass out. When he felt Jihoon fill the condom inside of him, something breaks inside him and he cums all over himself again. He couldn't run nor hide from the embarrassment so he closes his eyes to keep himself from seeing how Jihoon sees him. He counts one to ten to try and compose himself and right on ten, he feels his breathing calm down almost immediately. And when he opens his eyes again, he's wearing a shirt and some boxers, and he can feel the sun on his back and Jihoon's arms around his back.

Chan groans, takes a deep breathe before even opening his eyes properly, and he takes in Jihoon's scent. He opens his eyes and finds nothing but the expanse of Jihoon's neck down to his chest.

"Hey." Chan doesn't know if it's from just waking up or something else completely but Jihoons voice was deeper. Fuller. Like Chan is hearing it coming from his chest more than anything and Chan finds himself inching closer, nuzzling closer.

"I feel like I should apologize but I know you'll be mad when I do." Jihoon says and he's right.

"What time is it?"

"Almost noon. What do you want for lunch, baby?" Chan whines at the pet name and hides under Jihoon's jaw even more. Jihoon's hand slips under his shirt and onto his skin, dragging his thumb across his skin soothingly as he moves clsoer to him as well.

"Do you want a bath?" Jihoon asks and Chan hums and then nods. His body feels sore but it's nothing new.

What's new is Jihoon pulling him to sit up slowly and then kissing him gently. He leads Chan by the hand towards the bathroom and he leaves the tub to fill by itself as Jihoon sits Chan on the cold tiles of his sink and stands in between his legs and makes himself Chan's crutch to keep himself up with little to no effort at all. He strips Chan down and then himself and he sits on the tub first and lets Chan sit between his legs as he leans back on him.

"This feels nice." Chan says and Jihoon laughs softly.

"You scared me a bit last night. I thought I went overboard again and-"

"Hyung."

"I know. But still."

"It felt weird. Like, falling asleep out of nowhere and waking up the next morning. It almost felt like I was just dreaming." Chan says and Jihoon holds him tighter.

"Everything with you feels like a dream." Jihoon says and Chan's chest starts to feel a little too small for his lungs and yet too heavy to sit up properly at the same time.

"Every day I get scared thinking that I finally woke up and you won't be here anymore." Jihoon kisses his shoulder and Chan hums.

"You can't get rid of me that easily, hyung." Chan teases and Jihoon laughs. Chan pushes himself up and maneuvers himself to face Jihoon. Jihoon holds him by the waist and looks at him like that again. Like he's more than everything.

"I love you." Jihoon says, out of nowhere. Chan smiles and kisses him, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him.

"I love you, too." Jihoon smiles at Chan's words, ears turning red.

"You've ruined me Lee Chan." Jihoon says and Chan lets the words go straight to his heart.

"For someone who's so called famous for making romantic and heart wrenching songs, you sure are pretty basic." Chan teases and Jihoon rolls his eyes.

"Big shot producer Lee Jihoon saying I love you to his boyfriend the morning after fucking him hard enough that he passes out. If that's not modern romance, I don't know what is." Chan says and Jihoon's smile falters in surprise.

"Lee Jihoon's boyfriend, huh?" Jihoon says and Chan nods.

"And since when have you been my boyfriend, exactly?" Jihoon asks and Chan leans closer.

"Since right now. I just decided for you. Do you have a problem with that?" Chan asks and Jihoon shakes his head.

"Absolutely not. Saves me the effort of having to ask you." Jihoon says and Chan laughs as his boyfriend pulls him in.

Jihoon asks Chan what he wants for lunch again as he was drying Chan up and putting his shirt on for him, and then asks Chan what he wants to do for the rest of their Sunday after Chan asked him to choose for him. Jihoon had taken it upon himself to do almost everything for Chan that day that Chan was convinced he'd have chewed his food for him if he asked him to.

But it was nice. Like, really fucking nice.

Chan realizes, as he was sitting in his own couch with Jihoon's arm around his waist and Chan's head leaning back on his shoulder, that it was nice. Being taken care of feels nice. He realizes that depending on someone, even just for the shortest period of time, feels nice. He's introduced to a kind of freedom that's the complete opposite of the freedom he's always had since he was young.

The freedom that comes from trusting yourself to someone else.

That night, sore as he was, Chan asks Jihoon to use him again. To fuck him however he likes. Asks Jihoon to tell him what to do and what Jihoon wants from him. Chan begs in the way he knows Jihoon likes and he shivers as Jihoon fingers him in his couch, lying back with his shirt still on but pulled up to his chest. He cums untouched again, almost spilling on the couch but Jihoon's quick to pull his shirt down and to let his cum plaster his shirt on his skin. Chan was tired from just that so he whines when Jihoon asks him to ride him. Instead, he sits on his lap, Jihoon's hard cock pressed inside him, as Jihoon sways his hips and chases his own pleasure and Chan's left to whine and cry about it not being enough. Jihoon breaks easily when Chan begs him to fuck him properly and he lies Chan down on the couch without pulling out and starts fucking him slow and steady.

It was too much like the night before but this time, there's no embarrassment that fills Chan's chest when Jihoon makes him cum untouched. Chan lets his voice out, cries and moans when Jihoon pushes in to the hilt, and he stares at the way Jihoon's eyes seem to burn the image of Chan coming undone under him in his brain. Chan squirms at the uncomfortable slide out and he whines when Jihoon gets up, probably to get rid of the condom, and comes back with a wet towel and a promise of a quick shower before bed.

Chan sleeps in nothing but a thick sweater and Jihoon's arms around him. Jihoon's legs tangle with Chan's but even Jihoon's thighs slipping between his legs wasn't enough to stir him. Because everything feels warm and soft and tender and Jihoon whispers another "I love you" from behind his ear as he tightens his hold on Chan.

Love is something Chan never knew would take up too much time on his schedule.

His weekly Friday date with Jihoon turned into his whole weekend being dedicated to being with Jihoon and now it's I-can-go-home-whenever-I-want-but-I'll-keep-staying-over-Jihoon's-place-five-out-of-seven-days-in-a-week…

But Chan gets his validation that he's not going crazy from the only source of validation he considers as… you know… Valid.

"Channie, listen. This is getting tiring even for me and you know that I love you so much that Seungcheol's a little worried about you even now. So I'm going to say this for the last time and I want you to accept it. Okay?" Wonwoo says, already drunk enough that Seungcheol's the only thing holding him up, and Chan nods.

"He's your first in a lot of things. And it probably feels like he's your first everything right now. And I know how scary that must feel to you because everything is new to you and you don't know if it's okay or if you guys are doing something wrong. Maybe you're going too fast or maybe you're missing something you didn't know you needed. And that's fine." Chan turns to look at Seungcheol and finds him staring at Wonwoo in disbelief.

"But no one is going to say that something in your relationship is wrong. I mean, no one else but you two can decide if you guys are going too fast or not or if you're doing something wrong or not. Because that thing, your thing with Jihoon, is something you can only have with him. And it's something that only you two can decide on. And you two are so happy together so honestly there's nothing to think about, okay?"

"Okay.…What about you?"

"What about me."

"This feels too well thought out for it to be something you just came up with now." Chan says and he smiles at Seungcheol glaring at him.

"Seungcheol's my first everything. And I want him to keep being my first. And having my firsts with him, too. Like first house and first pet. I keep thinking about adopting our first kid together, too, and I keep imagingin us fighting because I know he wants a daughter but I want our first kid to be a boy so he can take care of his baby sister, you know?" Chan feels choked up at everything he's just heard and he laughs when he sees Seungcheol tearing up next to Wonwoo.

"That's a very heteronormative way of thinking about how your kids are going to grow up." Chan teases and Wonwoo glares at him.

"Shut the fuck up. She's going to grow up strong and empowered but I want her older brother to beat up anyone who teases her in school and then we're gonna pretend to be mad about it even when we would've done the same thing." Wonwoo says and Chan takes the bottle from him and leaves to go to their kitchen as Seungcheol tries to coax Wonwoo off from the floor and onto their room. Chan tells Seungcheol he'd take care of their mess and Chan asks Seungcheol to make him a godfather of at least one of their two kids which made Seungcheol slam the door close.

It's true, though. Drunk Wonwoo is entertaining as hell but that's because he has no filter and no brakes. And most of the time, he's much more sensible drunk than he is when he's sober. Jihoon is literally his first boyfriend and his first time and he can't even count all the other firsts he's shared with him. And the only reason he's scared that they might be doing something wrong is because everything with Jihoon is easy. And nothing had ever been easy in Chan's life.

Chan wakes up with a hand on his waist and lips on the back of his neck.

It's nothing necessarily new but somehow, even after a month of waking up like this at least every other day, his body still can't quite get used to the feeling. He hums and slaps the hand on his waist that starts to slide down to his thighs and he hears and feels the warmth of a soft laugh from behind his ear.

"Good morning." Jihoon whispers and Chan turns and faces him, slipping his right hand under Jihoon to pull him in for a proper hug while still lying down.

"What time is it?"

"Eight something.…"Jihoon reaches for his phone and drops it behind Chan on the bed.

"Hey, hyung?" Jihoon hums, plays with the hair on the back of his head, and Chan pushes himself bac a few to look up at him.

"What exactly do you do in a BDSM dungeon?" Chan asks and Jihoon stops breathing for two seconds before laughing out loud.

"Jesus Channie… I definitely did not expect you'd be saying that." Jihoon says and Chan frowns

"I'm sreious. I'm… I know we've done some less vanilla stuff but I feel like I should know what you actually like." Chan says and Jihoon hums.

"That’s really sweet of you babe. But I like everything we do. I like anything I can do with you. Or do to you." Jihoon says and he kisses Chan a little too heatedly afterwards.

"Hyung. I'm serious."

"I know you are. But can we at least get breakfast first before discussing kinks and BDSM? I bought that waffle maker a few days ago and I hear we can fry patties on it so we can make waffle burgers."
"That sounds disgusting hyung."

"Says the one begging for me to cum in his mouth last night." Jihoon says and Chan punches him in the gut gently but still hard enough for him to groan as Chan gets up from his bed and heads towards the bathroom.

BDSM. It has variations of it's definitions but it can be explained simply with the six overaching components that makes it's abbreviation. Bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadism and masochism. And with these six Chan's come up with his own abbreviation. RSVP.

Restrictions come with bondage and discipline, it can be physical restrictions or psychological ones and that kind of has Chan curious.

Surrender for domination and submission. The one part in all this that Chan is aware of. And Jihoon tells him Chan may know more about this than he thinks he does.

Various Pain is for sadism and masochism. Chan admitted immediately that he's not at all that excited about any kinds of pain and Jihoon smiles and nods and assures him that he understands.
 

"What did you mean?"

"Remember when you passed out right after? The first time?" Jihoon asks and Chan frowns, fighting the blush on his face, and nods. He hides his face behind his cup of coffee but Jihoon looks at him like he's seeing all of him and more.

"I personally liked taking care of you regardless but that day, you wanted it a lot more than before. You kept asking me to choose what to do and it's sort of like that. It’s a little like that but there's more to it, you know? Someone takes control and someone surrenders themselves to their control. It's mainly like, taking control during sex but it doesn't necessarily have to be about sex. I've sort of been taking advantaged of your soft days since you like it when I tell you what to do." Jihoon teases but Chan just flushes red.

"So like… liking the feeling of not being in control of like, everything I do. Does… does that means I'm submissive?"

"In a way, yeah. Do you know why you like it?"

"I don’t know… Not deciding feels nice, for one."

"You've been micromanaging your whole life since you were fifteen, babe. Of course you're going to feel relieved when someone makes choices for you."

"And I like the thought that it's you. That you're doing the thinking and deciding for me because you care about me that much."

"Have you felt like, not wanting to decide on anything some days?"

"I mean, I'm not sure. I get a little too tired some days but I feel better when I come home to you anyways." Chan says and Jihoon stares at him for a second before covering his face with his hands and taking a deep breath.

"What?" Chan asks and Jihoon smiles at him and leans forward to kiss him on the cheek.

"Nothing. Uh… Is that all you want to know?"

"I'm kind of confused where the kinks fit in all of these."

"Kinks are outside of this but not, like, completely removed. It's more on personal preferences, really. What about you? Is there anything you're particularly interested about?"

"What about like, sex toys?"

"Sex toys?!"

"I just... you know, I wanna know a few. The only ones I know are like, dildos and vibrators but other than that-"

"Just those two?" Jihoon asks and Chan shrugs.

Chan never knew it would lead up to this, to be honest. But Jihoon takes his hand after breakfast and leads him up to a closet in one of the two extra rooms in his unit and pulls out a neat looking wooden box thingy. Chan didn't expect anything because, well, he technically doesn't know what to expect. But it's certainly not this.

First thing in his head is that there were a lot of pouches and bags. There was one that looked like a make up bag one of his coworkers bring to their office and the rest are boxes inside pouches.

"This is weird." Jihoon says and Chan laughs.

"You think?"

"I mean… Do you want to try any?"

"Maybe? I doubt you have anything bigger than you though." Chan says and Jihoon smiles.

"Are trying to tell me something? I didn't think you had a problem with my size." Jihoon teases and Chan slaps his arm. Jihoon laughs at him before digging through his stuff.

"This was a gift. Not really into the whole, you know, concept of it but it does what it's supposed to." Jihoon pulls out one of the bigger boxes and opens it from the top to pull out a black and purple dildo the size of Chan's forearm.

"Wait. Is that-" "It's a dragon's dick, yes. Some of these are just design to look unique in their own little weird way but this one curves a little too much so it's really good." Jihoon explains like it's just one of his little kitchen gadgets he impulse buys whenever he feels like it. Chan wanted to ask a lot of things about it, the color and the size, the way that it's bulging at the middle, even the rather… flat tip… But the one thing bothering Chan most of all is the question he couldn't hold back.

"Wait. You've used it?"

"I mean, yeah. What did you expect?"

"I don't know. That you used it one someone, or something. I thought you were a top?"

"Oh baby. We're going to need to talk more about that."  Jihoon says and he hands Chan the box and then closes the chest of various toys before walking out of the room.

The impromptu extensive sex-ed class about sex toys is incredibly… educational. Chan didn't think there were more things you could do to a person's dick but the prospect of a cock cage is definitely mind boggling for Chan. It's both equally terrifying and interesting to say the least and Jihoon laughs at him for how terrified he is at seeing photos of how it's used.  So like the adult that he is, Chan sucks it up and asks Jihoon to choose.

"I'm not choosing for you."

"Hyung."

"I mean it. I want you to try something you want. You brought this whole topic up, you know."

"I know. But I want something you'd want to use on me." Chan says, tugging on the sleeve of Jihoon's shirt, and he watches as Jihoon breaks.

Jihoon chooses two things and Chan blinks at first because those two are literally the ones he already knew about.

"I'm going to put the vibrating dildo up your ass and you're gonna fuck me with a cock ring on your dick." Jihoon says and Chan swears it sounds more like a line from a porn than anything else.

Jihoon starts with pushing him on his bed and stripping Chan off as gently as his hurried hands could. It wasn't far from what they always do and Chan even slips further in that warm feeling of Jihoon doing everything for him as he fingers him open as if he wasn't still loose from last night. But instead of prepping his dick, he lubes up the dildo and it pushes in smoothly. It's not as thick as Jihoon's dick but something about it being harder makes it feel like it's pushing on Chan's walls a little too much. And before Chan could say anything, Jihoon warns him about putting it all in and he gasps as the end catches on his rim and stays there. Jihoon kisses him before anything else and Chan loses it when Jihoon holds his still soft cock and slips something on it and tugs on his head a bit as he pushes the cock ring down to the base of his now hardening cock.

"How does it feel?"

"It feels hard." Chan says and Jihoon slips his hand over the toy and nudges it gently, making Chan whine.

"Do you wanna finger me open or do you want me to do it while you watch?" Jihoon asks and Chan feels like cumming just from imagining it.

"I- Fuck, hyung. Wanna do it for you." Chan says and Jihoon pushes him up the head of the bed and lets him sit up, making the toy nudge against his prostrate and Jihoon makes it worse when he strips and sits himself on Chan's lap.

"Do you remember the big toy I showed you earlier?" Jihoon asks and he takes Chan's arm and wraps it around his waist, slipping his fingers against Chan's as he drags his fingers on his ass.

"I used that a lot before. I like how it stretched me open so wide that it felt like I was going to split open." Jihoon moves Chan's fingers for him and Chan feels Jihoon's rim on his finger tips as Jihoon uses his other hand to pour lube on the top of his ass and lets it trickle down to their fingers.

"I took videos of it once so I can see how it fucked me open." Jihoon says and he pressed his fingers on top of Chan's and Chan pushes his middle finger in, slowly, and he feels Jihoon's thighs shake as he did."
"How long has it been since you last used it?" Chan finds himself asking and Jihoon hums.

"More than a year." Jihoon says and Chan pushes his index finger in along with his middle finger and Jihoon hums. Chan tries to remember what it feels, tries to remember what Jihoon does that he likes so much but all he can do is focus on not cumming from the dildo seemingly trying to push inside of him further as he moves his fingers inside Jihoon's ass.

"Why that long?" Chan asks and Jihoon smiles. He drops the lube on the side of the bed and holds him from the base of his necka nd drags his fingers upwards.

"Because i got bored of it. And recently," Jihoon holds him by his jaw and tilts his head up so he can kiss him slowly, "I found a much better toy to use." Jihoon says and Chan moans.

Jihoon told him he's fine with the minimal amount of prep they’ve done and Chan was about to argue when Jihoon grabs the bas of his dick and kisses him.

"I want you to sit prettily for hyung as he fucks himself on your dick, okay baby?" Jihoon says and all Chan can do is whimper and nod as he waits for Jihoon. Chan almost cums as Jihoon gets up on his knees and holds Chan's dick to aligns himself from above and Jihoon asks him one last time if he can continue and Chan whines. "Please, hyung." was all Chan had to say for Jihoon to push himself down and fucks himself on Chan's dick.

Chan closes his eyes and apologizes as his fingers dig on Jihoon's waist because Jihoon completely takes him in just one swift move and everything is too tight and wet and stupidly warm that he instinctively bucks up only to be reprimanded by Jihoon with a pinch on his arm.

"I do all the work tonight baby." Jihoon says and Chan melts and breaks as Jihoon lifts himself up and sinks down ever so slowly that Chan can feel the drag of his dick on Jihoon's tight heat.

"Fuck, hyung. Fuck fuck fuck."

"How does it feel? Is hyung tight enough for you?" Jihoon asks agaisnt his ear and Chan feels like he's seconds away from cumming.

"Tight." Was all he could say in between his labored breathing and Jihoon laughs at him before kissing him.

"Now I've taken another first from you." Jihoon says and Chan groans. It's true. His first time bottoming was an experience but first time being a top was so different.

Jihoon was slow but the way he moves was consistent. Like he has his own constant rhythm of pushing himself up and then sinking down and all Chan can do is moan and call out his name and try so hard not to cum right away. But Jihoon wouldn't be the Jihoon he loved if he wasn't hiding a surprise under all the surprises he'd already given him.

He took Chan's hand and hands him a small round thing that looks like a remote of some kind. Jihoon smiles at him, not breaking his pace, and Chan takes a deep breath and tries to push random buttons at first only to moan and drop the remote as the dildo sitting snugly in his ass starts to move. "Just because I wanted you to fuck me doesn't mean I can't fuck you, too." Jihoon says and he picks up the remote. "Are you close, baby?" Jihoon asks and Chan nods, still shaking as he tries to figure out how to run away from the vibrator abusing his insides. "Want you to cum in me. Do you want that?" Jihoon asks and Chan honestly felt like crying. Of course he wants to cum inside of him. Like, what kind of a stupid question is that? But all Chan could do was nod and whimper pathetically as Jihoon smiles at him. He hears the soft clicks Jihoon made with the remote a second before the vibrator doubles and doubles in speed and Jihoon wraps his arms around Chan's neck as he takes Chan's entire length in him and holds himself there as Chan cums and cums and cums.

Chan notices two things as soon as his mind comes back to his body. One is that Jihoon is whimpering so loud and so hot over his ears, and two, Chan's not sure if it was because of Chan's teeth sinking on the skin in between Jihoon's neck and his shoulder or the fact that Jihoon's cumming all over Chan's chest as Chan's cum drips slowly from his ass. The vibrator stops abruptly and Chan sighs with his teeth still on Jihoon's skin.

Jihoon cards his fingers through Chan's hair from the back of his head and Chan lets off on his bite and kisses Jihoon's skin. "That was amazing baby." Jihoon says and Chan hums, still incapable of forming any coherent thought, much less an actual sentence. Jihoon moves, tries to pull up, and he shivers as he sinks back down. "Hyung. Please." Chan whines and Jihoon tilts his head to kiss him. It was just like any kiss he'd gotten from Jihoon but something about it, the one specific kiss now, that makes Chan's brain break. Jihoon lifts himself up with his knees and Chan wraps his arms around him but Jihoon pushes him to lie back down. Jihoon gently tugs on the dildo and pulls it out slowly, leaving it somewhere on the bed as Jihoon lies down half on top of Chan.

"What the fuck." Chan says out loud and Jihoon laughs against his neck.

"You're definitely topping again." Jihoon says and Chan groans.

"Sorry it was too fast."

"Don't be. I cheated."

"What?"

"I didn't want to turn the toy on but I felt like cumming and I don't want to be pathetic and cum before you. Sorry." Jihoon says and Chan laughs breathlessly.

"Next time let me do all the work for you, hyung." Chan says and Jihoon rests his arms on Chan's chest and rests his chin over the back of his hand.

"Sounds like you're confident you'd do well." Jihoon teases and Chan hums, pulling Jihoon closer by wrapping his arms around his back.

"I am. Because you're gonna teach me how to." Chan says and Jihoon hums and kisses him.

"You think you're such hot shit, don't you?" Jihoon says and he kisses him again. And again. And again. And all of it is still not enough for Chan's fucked up brain.

Somewhere along the way, Chan finds a home in all of this. Finds comfort in Jihoon's touch whether it's a pat on the back after a tiring week or a pat on his head with a praise and a kiss on his bare neck. He finds happiness in a message he gets in the middle of the day, telling him Jihoon's waiting for him in his own place, with a photo of Chan's fridge filled with frozen pizzas and one giant tub of ice cream. He finds a home wherever Jihoon is. And it scares him.

"I don't know how I feel about hearing you talk about your sex life and having to imagine you doing it with Jihoon." Wonwoo says over his coffee, grimacing, and Chan sighs.

"You're supposed to be helping me and not adding to my headache." Chan says and Wonwoo snorts.

"Your fault for thinking I could be of help." Wonwoo says and Chan sighs, again. It's true though.

After being official for quite a while now and Chan being subjected to a series of different ways one could have sex with their boyfriend, he's pretty sure his life is going well. Which is why he is worried.

"I don't think I know anyone who starts thinking the world is about to end because he's having a good day." Wonwoo says and Chan glares at him.

"Are you calling me dramatic?" Chan asks and Wonwoo shakes his head.

"Listen. I know when people are dramatic, okay? I mean, I'm dating Seungcheol. And you know his friends. But this is a step above all that, I think…" Wonwoo says and Chan shrugs.

"I just… I don't know. Things with Jihoon hyung's are going great. He's sweet and like, really amazing even when I get a little crazy. I just can't help thinking I have to, like, do something to keep this, you know? I don't know how to explain it." Chan says and Wonwoo smiles.

"I think I kind of understand that. But I also think that your life's not like that anymore Channie." Wonwoo says and Chan stops mid sip of his coffee and puts his cup down.

"What does that mean?" Chan asks and Wonwoo smiles.

"It means I know how hard you had to work throughout college and even after that. You try to act all tough and independent and I respect that. And I think that's what this is. I know you think you have to do some extremely difficult to have something you want but I don't think your relationship with Jihoon is something like that." Wonwoo says and Chan takes a sip of his coffee.

"I think you're a little scared at the fact that it's easy being with Jihoon." Wonwoo adds and Chan scoffs.

"I didn't say that." Chan says and Wonwoo laughs.

"You didn't have to. I'm just glad I know Jihoon enough to know that you're in good hands."

"What does that mean?"

"It means i know how Jihoon is when he likes someone. He's a little obsessive but in a healthy way and they pretty much become like, forty percent of his daily life." Wonwoo says and before Chan could argue, his phone starts ringing and his phone lights up with a photo of Jihoon sleeping on his couch, his hoodie pulled down to his nose and his lips are parted in his sleep, notifying them of a call. Wonwoo grins at him and Chan grabs his phone and frowns at him.

"Shut the fuck up." Chan says before walking out of the café and answering the call outside.

"Hey."

"Is Wonwoo still holding you hostage?"

"We're just having coffee." Chan says and Jihoon audibly sighs on the line.

"He's taking up too much of your free time that we could be using for something else." Jihoon says and Chan laughs.

"Hyung. I'll be back in around an hour, okay? I'll buy us lunch." Chan says and Jihoon groans.

"Love you." Chan says and Jihoon sighs.

"Love you too. Can you get anything a little spicy? And tell Wonwoo he's an ass." Jihoon says and Chan laughs before ending the call.

Wonwoo was annoying enough to drive Chan home because he knows Jihoon's waiting for him. He gets what he wants and he smiles as Jihoon scowls at him as Chan steps out of the car.

"Don't give him the satisfaction." Chan says and Jihoon rolls his eyes and tugs on Chan's arm. Chan laughs as Wonwoo hits his horn a couple of times as Jihoon drags him inside the building. Jihoon takes the plastic bags in his hand in the elevator and uses his other hand to slip his fingers between Chan's.

"I'm kind of seeing why Seungcheol is worried about you two." Jihoon says and Chan snorts.

"I've been friends with them since college, you know? And nothing ever happened."

"Is that supposed to be comforting?"

"Yes. Because I've been hooked on you since the moment we met. And If anything was ever gonna happen with Wonwoo it would've happened years ago." Chan says and Jihoon clicks his tongue and rolls his eyes.

"I don't know why you're so worried as if you weren't just waiting for me in my apartment." Chan says and he doesn't look at Jihoon as the elevator doors open and he drags him out this time.

Maybe Wonwoo's right. Chan's fucked up head is just blaring warning signs of incoming threat because things are easy with Jihoon. Before, Chan's Saturdays are just a passable rest day. He'd stay in, eat, do nothing productive, eat again, and then sleep without an alarm for Sunday. Now he's not even allowed to schedule his weekends because Jihoon will eventually find a way to break it one way or another.

"Babe. You have a time frame for how long you have to eat. Every time I see it I want to eat for an hour and two minutes just to make a statement." Jihoon says, mouth full of dumplings, and Chan can't help but smile.

"Is the statement 'I need Lee Chan's attention so bad' or something like that?" Chan adds and Jihoon stops chewing and side-eyes him before going back to eating.

"You know, one day, being cute won't hide the fact that you’re a bit of an asshole." Jihoon says and Chan wraps his arm around Jihoon's waist and leans his head on his shoulder.

"So you do think I'm cute." Chan says and he pulls Jihoon on his lap and wraps his arms around him to pull him close enough to kiss his neck. Jihoon hits his shoulder and lets a bit of his laugh escape his lips before going back to groaning at and hitting him.

"Stop. You're gonna get me worked up and I don't think that's in your schedule for today."

"Actually I just put your name on all the weekends on my planner so I think this is right on schedule." Chan says and he slips his hands under Jihoon's shirt and he smiles on Jihoon's skin as he feels him.

"You're insatiable." Jihoon says but his hand's already on Chan's hair. Fingers curling as he bares his neck just for him to kiss more of his skin.

"And whose fault is that?" Chan asks and Jihoon pulls back just so he can lean down and kiss him properly.

"This smart mouth of yours good for something other than talking?" Jihoon asks, their foreheads pressed together and their lips barely apart.

"I think you know what my mouth is good for, hyung." Chan offers, spreading his fingers on Jihoon's back, and Jihoon tightens his grip on his hair in retaliation.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't you take our clothes off and show me then?" Jihoon says.

"Bedroom?" Chan asks and Jihoon kisses him.

"Bedroom. I'm clean already. i got bored earlier." Jihoon says with a smirk so Chan lifts him up and managed to get to his bedroom without breaking off their kiss. .

Half of their day was spent in his bedroom. And that time was halved as well because half of it was spent on the actual bed and the other half on the bathroom doing something completely unrelated to bathing. Afterwards, Jihoon opens two of their frozen pizzas, cuts them in half, and puts together two halves of different flavors in the oven and their halves back in the fridge for tomorrow. Jihoon comments on Chan's taste in pizza toppings and Chan lets him grumble for a bout fifteen minutes about why fruits shouldn't be on pizza and when he's done Chan reminds him the tomatoes are fruits and most pizza has them. Jihoon gives him a withering look and Chan smiles as Jihoon threatens him with cutting off another part of his body to add to the pizza. Chan ignores the empty threat and just asks him if he wanted to watch an animated movie or catch up on the series they started a week ago. Jihoon tells him to go fuck himself and Chan reminds him that Jihoon already did it for him. This earns Chan a flying spoon at the back of his head and he laughs as he gets up from the couch and approaches Jihoon, apologizes by wrapping his arms around him from behind and kissing the back of his neck.

Chan can't even begin to imagine how he was back then. How he was pre-Jihoon. How his then amazing weekend now looks so boring and dull to him whenever he thinks back to those days. But he's glad Jihoon is distracting enough to keep him from looking back too much. Actually, he's been distracting Chan enough to not look back at all. Now all he can think of is what they're going to do next weekend. If they're gonna spend it here or in Jihoon's place. If they're even going to stay in or Jihoon's going to drag him somewhere new again. All Chan can think of are all the ifs of tomorrow because he's sure Jihoon's going to be part of it one way or another.

And for once, after such a long time, Chan doesn't have a schedule. He doesn't have a list of things to do and he doesn't have any sort of plan. Nothing is set to date and as far as Chan can see it, not a single thing is certain. And it feels so fucking great.