Chapter Text
This was their last day in Hogwarts and the sun was high in the sky. Harry was sitting by the lake, watching the rippling surface of the murky waters sparkling under the white summer rays of light. There was a soft breeze blowing on his hair, tangling it even more than it already was. It was almost chilly down there, by the lake. Harry shivered and squirmed on his arse, trying to find a better position where he could appreciate the light warmth of the sun of his face. He propped his hand down and leaned on it, relishing in the sensation of damp earth under the palm of his hand. He dug his fingers shallowly, breathing the different smells that he knew he would miss once he moved out.
This was mostly the reason why he had let everyone else go first and stayed behind, to enjoy one last time this place that he been in home for so many years. Hogwarts had been a second home to all of them, but to Harry, it'd been the first and only home he had ever had and the beginning of his real life. Where he discovered himself, in much more ways than one. They all felt nostalgic because, for most, they had spent the best of their childhood here. The place harbored so many memories, some of them terrible but most of them sweet and all of them intense.
There was something about it that Harry wasn't quite ready to let go, yet. A feeling of incompleteness, the failure of some accomplishment. A chapter that hadn't been closed. Harry wasn't sure.
Only that he wanted to stay around here for a little longer.
The castle was awfully quiet and depressingly desert around him but the only feeling that it inspired him was a sentiment of peacefulness and quietude that settled in his heart like the beginning of happiness.
It was shirt-lived, indeed, because soon his real life would catch up and he would have to close up to bear with the reality of his own life. But for a brief moment of respite, everything he could feel was the peace and quiet of his own heart as he contemplated old memories that he held dear.
The last of the carriages had taken the latecomers a couple of hours ago. Harry was positive now he was the only student left on Hogwarts's grounds.
It was both exhilarating and unnerving, all that quiet around him. The start of a new life.
They had all done well in their NEWTs. Hermione had excelled, Ron had surprisingly gotten two Outstandings and one Exceed Expectation. Harry had done decently, overall.
Draco Malfoy too, had excelled in his NEWTs, he was close behind Hermione but Harry tried not to think about it too much. They hadn't talk in weeks, too busy with their exams. It had been easier to try and pretend he wasn't there and forget how intimate they had been with each other.
That had been a foolish thought, he was aware. Diane had never been real and it had been Diane, Harry had fallen for. Draco had only been a distant hope, a comfortable place reassuring shoulder to lean on when they would start their new adult life that was frankly terrifying, for Harry. But there had never been a him and Draco. The other wizard was infuriating most of the time, hot too — Harry had never stopped thinking so — but he had never been Harry's and the two of them didn't make any sense, he could see that now. It was easier to let it go, then.
That didn't mean he didn't feel a pang in his heart when their eyes met by chance in the Great Hall, the reminiscence of conflicting feelings, of something intense and real but so very confusing.
He usually offered a friendly smile, one of acknowledgment, and then turned his face away avoid seeing what emotion his gorgeous grey eyes would betray. He had a whole future unfolding before him, he'd rather focus on that now.
Harry threw a rock into the waters and watched as the waves spread over the surface, then he picked a piece of wood and started tracing lines and circles haphazardly in the dirt. When the sun started to burn his eyes he closed them and took a deep breath, inhaling one last time the fragrances of summer flowers and the damp mist lingering over the rippling water. The breeze weakened and Harry felt warmer.
It took him a while to realize that the reason he felt warmer was because someone was there, protecting him from the breeze. He only noticed when the tall figured overshadowed him, standing between Harry and the sun because sitting carefully beside him. A few inches away, in silence.
Harry knew instantly who it was and felt his heart roar in his chest. For a moment, he didn't dare open his eyes for fear to see another too familiar face on him that wasn't his own but then he internally scolded himself for being such a coward. It didn't matter who he'd look like in the end. They were no longer, never had been.
His eyes fluttered open, enjoying the warm air on his face first, and then Harry turned on the side. He was surprised to notice silver-white blond hair shimmering in the sunlight. His heart skipped a beat. He had forgotten he found the new version of one once obnoxious Draco Malfoy very very beautiful. Maybe he wasn't completely over them yet.
The blond Slytherin didn't meet his eyes. He just sat there, very still, watching over the horizon. His left hand hovered Harry's right one and then their fingers brushed for a split second, sending sparks of electricity in his entire body at the touch, when he splayed them and propped himself on his hand, half an inch away from Harry's.
They were both silent, Harry swallowed, trying to forget the sudden ringing in his ears. Every time he tried to cast a quick glance at the man beside him, Harry was struck by his beauty and elegance.
"So, this is it," Draco said softly and Harry realized in that moment that he had never really heard him speak so softly in this voice before. He had heard that tone plenty of times, in feminine intonations but that voice had always been mean sneers, vile attacks and snobbish insults. The knowledge went straight to his chest were something warm bloomed and spread in his body, sending shivers down his spine. Draco's hand crept closer to his.
"We're finally leaving this dreadful place," Draco continued. Obviously his experience inside these walls had been completely different from Harry's. He had lost a family when Harry had found one, lost a home when Harry gained one.
The blond leaned backward, sending a small rock in the water just like Harry had done moments earlier. "I didn't think I'd ever feel nostalgic about this place but I do," he finally said, throwing another pebble into the lake. "I do so, so terribly."
Harry turned him and stared, bewildered. His heart started racing. The man was really handsome, he thought. He wasn't wearing robes today, just a light off-white linen shirt open on his slender collarbones, with long sleeves rolled up at his elbows, and a pair of beige khakis that looked relaxed and loose. His legs too had been rolled up above his ankles and he had taken of his blue loafers not to dirty them with the muddy banks of the lake.
He had was resting his hand nonchalantly on his knee and Harry stared at his feet, noticing them for the first time. They were bony things, thin and long and sharp, just like the rest of him and if Harry's mind wandered at the sight of them, no-one would ever know.
"Congratulations on your NEWTs, Potter. I heard you did pretty well."
Harry snapped out of it and turned his face to him again, he couldn't see his face against the slight, only the fineness of his features and his fine silvery hair dancing in the wind and falling on his eyes. The hint of a smile appeared on the corner of his mouth.
"I did okay," Harry replied. It was true, his results had been nowhere near as spectacular as Hermione's or even Draco's. Even Ron had done better than him and that said something. "Nowhere as good as yours. I should be the one congratulating you."
Draco's smile weakened and he turned his face away shyly. His fingers were still much too close to Harry's, almost brushing his fingertips, sending shivers down his spine every time they touched.
"Thanks," the blond replied. A quick glance and Harry almost saw him blush. If he'd been told in the past how coy Draco Malfoy could look, he'd have never believed it.
How surprising life could be sometimes. The thought made Harry's heart flutter. Something like hope started blooming in his chest before being crushed again by the memories of what could never be. In spite of everything, Harry couldn't help adding salt to the wound and started imagining what a date with Draco Malfoy would be like. Would he be gentlemanly? Or would he demand to be served like a queen? Would they hold hands? Would Harry be able to make him blush? Would Draco make him laugh? Diane did. And he had heard about Malfoy being quick good at cracking jokes in the Slytherin common rooms. He had never laughed with Harry however, only at him.
Until now Draco had only been coy, or defensive.
"My prospects are rather limited, however," Draco said in continuation of their earlier exchange, once again stirring Harry out of his forbidden thoughts.
"Mmh?" Harry said rising his eyes to him. The temperature suddenly felt extremely hot without the fresh breeze to cool their ardors.
Draco saw right through him though and chuckled softly. The beginning of a familiar smirk brightened his expression and he was looking at him sidelong. Merlin's fucking balls he was too handsome for his own good, Harry thought.
"What about you? What are you going to do?"
Harry turned his face away, shaking all these unwanted thoughts out of his mind, and took a pebble in his right hand, brushing Draco's forearm in the process. "I'm not sure," he said pensively as he threw the pebble in the water and watched the water ripple on the surface of the lake. He then pulled his legs closer to his chest and rested his arms on his knees, preventing, involuntarily Draco from inadvertently touching his fingers with the tips of his own. The feeling of loss felt surprisingly cold. Draco must have felt it too, because he squirmed with the lack of it.
"Maybe I'll try to become an Auror," Harry continued, ignoring the blond shifting nervously next to him. "I've always wanted to do that. Or maybe not, maybe I want something else entirely. I don't know what though."
Draco made a non-committal noise and they both watched the dragonflies twirling around in silence until Harry couldn't take it anymore and placed his right hand back where it was, just between the two of them.
Draco didn't wait long before surreptitiously letting his left fingers hover over the back of Harry's hand.
"Maybe you should take some time off," the blond suggested after a long moment of silence that was surprisingly comfortable between them. "Take a gap year or something. Perhaps going traveling around the world..."
Harry cast him a glance and then turned his gaze back to the lake. He couldn't stare for too long or his heart started pounding in his ears. "Yeah," he said a bit too roughly. "Maybe."
Silence settled once again. Peaceful, comfortable, relaxing.
He'd never thought before such close proximity with Draco Malfoy could ever feel like that but it does. It was like the war and their shared uncommon experience had stripped them off everything that stood between this and now they could truly see each other.
Draco's fingers were still lingering over his hand, almost brushing his skin but never touching. It was infuriating. Harry wanted to grab his hand and squeeze it, lock their hands together and never let him go.
He spoke, to distract himself from the urge. "So," he drawled. "What about you?"
"What about me?" Draco whispered softly, his voice unusually low and husky.
"What are you planning to do after this?"
Draco exhaled a long sigh. "I guess I'll look into my family's accounts and take over after my father at the Manor. It's not like I have much choice, anyway."
Harry made a non-committal sound as a response. The silence stretched again as they both avoided looking at each other.
"That's sad," he said after a moment, without really thinking about his words.
Draco didn't answer he just shrugged. Harry felt the movement beside him. Draco was warm on his side, a little fidgety. His hand was still hovering over Harry's, like a burning temptation coursing through his vein. He had never felt anything so intense in his entire life, with anyone. Not even Diane. The non-touching happening between them was maddening. His own heart was still thumping hard in his chest and ringing in his ears. He felt almost dizzy with it.
"What would you do, if you could be anyone you wanted?" Harry asked at last, just a passing thought. "If you didn't have any obligation, nor any impediment. If you could do anything you wanted? Live anywhere you wanted? What would you do? Where would you be?"
Draco cast him a coy sidelong look and gasped when their eyes met. The tension suddenly rose between them. Harry felt hot, too hot, and then Draco's fingers slightly brushed the top of his hand, sliding very softly up his knuckles and burning the skin on the back of his hand, make Harry goosebump and sending sparks of electricity in his entire body.
Harry glanced at him from the corner of his eyes. There was a bead of sweat trickling down his neck and he wanted nothing more than lick up his warm skin and whisper filthy words into his ear. He truly thought he was over him and their toxic relationship but as his heart didn't stop racing and his skipped a beat every time he brushed his hand he couldn't ignore the clues anymore. He was falling for him all over again, fast and hard.
Or maybe he had never stopped? Maybe whatever they shared had always been too intense to ever be indifferent to each other. From their first meeting to their last. From the moment a strong feeling of despise and dislike had burst in Harry's chest at Madam Malkin's to this very moment, when Harry's butterflies were fluttering in Harry's stomach and he felt giddy with want.
He couldn't take it anymore so he grabbed Draco's hand and squeezed it like the starving man he was.
Draco didn't make him stop, on the contrary, he relaxed in the touch and exhaled a long sigh of relief, exactly the same relief Harry was feeling. He squeezed his hand back and turned to him.
"Anywhere," he said with a hoarse and croaky voice, the words struggling to come out of his throat. "As long as it's where you are."
His words struck Harry like a hammer blow. He felt a shudder coursing through him from top to bottom and started sweating like a pig, feeling hot and cold at the same time.
Desire pooled in the pit of his stomach and spread in his groin. Their eyes met and locked into each other. Draco's were wary but hopeful and as they both stared into each other's eyes in silence, hearing only their ragged breaths and the urgency of their mutual desires, Harry followed his instincts and leant forward, dropping a soft kiss on Draco's lips. The latter huffed out in surprise but melted into it, closing his eyes beautifully.
Harry pulled back and Draco gazed at him hazily through half-lidded lashes. When he saw the sheer want in Draco's glazed eyes, Harry kissed him again and Draco's lips parted for him, giving him all the access he wanted, giving him everything. Harry's hand grabbed the back his neck and he tangled his fingers in his hair.
Draco moaned into the kiss. "Yes," he whispered lewdly.
Harry chuckled, giddy with the heat and intensity of their kiss. "Yes?" He asked, teasingly.
"Yes," Draco answered, whispering onto his mouth and smiling against his lips. "To be entirely honest with you, Potter," he drawled in his exaggeratedly posh voice. "My mind has been trying to come up with a clever reply, something smart and witty, to make you fall for me and such... but that's about all it was able to produce with all the muddle inside, at the present."
Harry laughed, holding his head in his hands and kissing him again and again. He grinned against his lips. The kiss turned heated and hungry. It was the best kiss Harry had ever had, his heart burst in his chest. The love and desire, he had so carefully locked up at the back of his mind to be never opened again suddenly burst out of him in waves, making his entire body shudder and tense with how much he wanted Draco.
"Fuck, I missed you," he whispered breathlessly. Draco moaned in response, kissing his bottom lip and nibbling at it.
"I missed you too," was his husky reply.
Harry wanted to scream. He grabbed his face in his too hands and kissed him hard, Draco panted against his mouth. Harry lunged himself at him and pushed him down.
"Harry, I can't—" Draco whispered raggedly, while holding a hand up to push him away. "I can't—"
Harry froze and pulled away in a horrified jerk. His hand slid away from Draco's cheek, trembling slightly.
"I can't give up on you," Draco finished his sentence, instantly unfurling the coil of angst thickening in Harry's stomach. "I can't give this up, I can't." And slowly, very slowly, he curled his long fingers around Harry's wrist and pulled his hand close to put it back on his own neck.
Harry felt tears prickle at the corners of his eyes and reached out with his shaky hands, caressing his cheeks softly. Draco turned his face and kissed the inside of his palm, eyes fluttering shut. He, too, had tears welling up in his eyes but he held them in.
"I tried," Draco let out in a sinful-sounding whisper." Believe me, I tried.
Harry shushed him and pulled him close, wrapping him up in a soft and loving embrace. Draco brushed his lips against his neck, softly, amorously. It was the softest, most tender moment they had ever shared and it was so beautiful and true that he felt light-headed, mind going blank.
They kissed, for a long time, and it wasn't heated anymore, it was tender and longing and hopeful. It was a promise. The beginning of something real and beautiful and challenging.
They kissed and pulled away softly. Draco rested his head on Harry's shoulder and their hands were tightly held together, squeezing each other hard, fingers intertwined.
"This is crazy, isn"t it?"
"It is."
"I mean, who would have thought?"
They watched the sun reverberating on the surface of the lake, sparkling more intensely as the sunlight changed. A cloud passed and hid the sun for a moment, immersing them in a darker light. Draco shivered at the sudden cold, Harry pulled him closer and they huddled close, quiet before so much beauty.
Harry could say how long they remained like this. It could have been an hour, or an eternity.
The sun was starting to dip over the horizon, behind the hill and the sky changed colors. Draco took his hand and squeezed it tight.
"I am a man," he said.
Harry turned to him and shrugged, not really sure where this conversation was going.
"I like to be a woman sometimes," Draco continued and understanding dawned on Harry's face. He looked at him questioningly. "Sometimes," Draco repeat.
And Harry was a bit confused although he thought he understood but he reckoned they had a lifetime to clarify this. So he just said, "okay." And then he brushed a strand of hair out of his face and smiled at him. Draco smiled back and even his eyes were sparkling and glimmered with joyful silverlight. Harry had never seen Draco Malfoy smile like this before. Only in his dreams but his imagination did the reality of him no justice.
"Hey," Harry said and Draco's eyelashes fluttered. He leant forward and stole another kiss. A quick but soft one but when he tried to pull away, Draco grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him into another kiss, more passionate, more languorous. Harry moaned and let Draco manhandle him until they were both breathless and flushed and hard in their pants.
"Come with me," Harry blurted, voice rough and hoarse.
"What?"
He ran his hand in Draco's sweaty hair and kissed him again. Draco smelt good, woody and manly. His grip was strong and he tasted delicious.
"Come with me," Harry repeated, breathless.
"Where?" Draco asked in a husky gruff.
"Anywhere. Wherever we want."
Draco hesitated, staring at Harry skeptically and then he said. "Yes."