Archive of Our Own

Sam is ashamed to admit just how long it took for him to start paying more attention to the monthly cycle of Dean’s biology after they hit the road together again after Jessica’s death.

They had just wrapped up a case in Utah, Sam standing leaning against Baby, watching as Dean crouched down and shook the hand of the youngest member of the family they had just saved from the poltergeist that had terrorised their home. The boy was only four, but had very clearly found his new lifetime idol in Sam’s otherwise so gruff big brother. The boy looked up at Sam’s brother with such devotion that the kid’s mother, standing behind the pair, teared up as she was yet again hit with a wave of relief and gratitude.

All in all, another job well done, but Sam had always sympathised with the victims that didn’t escape his and Dean’s visits with their innocence intact. He was happy to have saved their lives, but they would now forever know of the horrors that waited in the dark and that in itself Sam thought, was a kind of loss of innocence no one deserved or was really prepared for.

“So where to next?” The father of the little boy had silently approached Sam, joining him in watching the little scene unfold.

“Oh,” Sam startles a little at the interruption of his own thoughts. “Not sure,” he shrugs, shooting the man a gentle smile. “Wherever we need to go.”

“Must be tough for both of you to drift… especially him,” Josh adds, motioning towards Dean and Sam frowns at him.

“We are sort of used to it…” he trails off, before daring to dig into the other man’s words. “What did you mean when you said especially for Dean?”

He’s not accusatory or defensive, just curious and the other man, Josh, looks at him with surprise that he quickly hides away again out of politeness.

“I think most of us want a safe space, a home that is ours - and you have helped us reclaim ours,” he adds, his voice suddenly gravely with gratitude. “I just meant that with your brother being an Omega he has a biological deep rooted need for it, at least for his nesting periods. Must be tough when you’re on the road all the time.”

Sam nods absentmindedly, trying to dig through his memories. He’s of course always been aware of the monthly ritual - thinks he knows the basics of it, but if Dean’s struggled with it, it’s a struggle he must have handled on his own.

“Ah, I don’t really know,” Sam muses out loud and Josh looks surprised again.

“You’re not with him when he nests?”

“I…” Sam scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, feeling a bit hot all of a sudden. “We don’t really talk about that stuff much. I remember being curious about it as a kid, but it was always a bit of a forbidden subject. Our dad didn’t really want to draw any attention to it and I guess I just assumed that once Dean got on suppressants, it wasn’t really that big of a deal?”

Josh looks with a devoted warmth towards his wife before he glances back at Sam.

“Suppressants only take the edge off Heats, the nesting cycle remains. I’m only surprised because he so clearly smells of you,” Josh smiles. “It’s obvious as an outsider, from his scent alone, that there is a bond. Nesting in an environment that doesn’t smell of home or safety, and not even of that Alpha he’s bonded to, must be near useless. If you want my advice, talk to him… before he gets sick.”

“Sick?” Sam asks, stomach twisting uncomfortably.

“If his hormones are not naturally regulated, eventually he will get sick from it. We treat it occasionally at the hospital where I work, but believe me, it’s not something you want him to go through.”

“Yeah…” Sam frowns, studying his brother who’s crouched down, still chatting to the little boy. “Of course not… thanks. For…”

“Of course.” Josh nods, not needing the words Sam’s a little bit too overwhelmed to speak. “You saved my family, you and your brother. The least I can do is offer some advice on how you can keep your family safe too.”

2000 miles and three days later, Sam finds himself in the library in Richmond, Virginia pretending to research a potential case.

The little old librarian behind the front desk, clearly a Beta, had looked at him a bit funny when he’d towered over her, his own Alpha pheromones coming off him in waves at just the thought of his topic of research. She had eyed him with a bit of suspicion as she’d shown him to the aisle holding their collection of literature on the subject of Omega biology and Sam did his best to ignore it, but understands why. A lot of Alpha’s prey on the vulnerability of Omega’s, and he wants to tell her that this is not a the more you know sort of situation where he’s planning on keeping Dean chained and locked up in his basement and just wants some handy tips on how to best make that happen… but instead he smiles his most disarming smile at her and breathes a sigh of relief when she returns to her desk, leaving him to his research.

He’s feeling in his element. Research he can do, and he’s not a hundred percent sure why he had never invested more time and effort into this particular subject before, but as he starts it begins to dawn on him that it’s probably partly been in order to not fully have to admit to himself just how complex their dynamic is.

He had told Josh the truth that day; as all kids are, he had been inquisitive and especially so when it came to his big brother. Sam recalls feeling this intense kind of protectiveness over his brother already then, and it had not faded exactly with time, but he had distanced himself from it by moving to California by the time he himself was old enough to have properly discovered just what that instinct meant. Their father had done his damn best to completely ignore the fact that Dean had presented at all, especially when it turned out he was an Omega and not an Alpha like John himself, and Dean being Dean he had downright refused to answer any questions young Sam had had on the subject.

Sam knows that his own eventual Alpha status most likely made it that much tougher for Dean to talk to him about it by the time they were older and now here he is, flicking through text books he’s wondering why no one added to the curriculum when he was in school.

The knot of guilt that had been nestled deep in his gut ever since that conversation with Josh back in Utah, tightens as he takes in chapter after chapter. He reads about the biology and brain chemistry of nesting and while he had gone into this thinking Dean must have it all pretty well figured out, Sam finds himself recognising patterns and symptoms that he had never quite understood before and he worries that Dean might not have either.

Sam arrives at a very detailed chapter about reproduction and feels a bit sweaty. They sure as hell never discussed Dean’s capability of carrying children. Sam knew with certainty that breaching that topic would immediately result in Dean kicking his ass, but with a bit of research Sam now understands that the monthly nesting does indeed not get cancelled out by the common suppressants that a lot of people in Dean’s situation take.

Despite the lack of accompanying Heat symptoms (most of which make Sam’s cheeks heat up with a mix of arousal and embarrassment when he reads about them) an Omega’s body once a month prepares itself for pregnancy, causing an intense need for the Omega to keep safe, warm and nurtured - until the rush of hormones decrease again as there is no foetus and the instinct fades. Nesting has many more benefits, but he supposes it makes sense that at a time where a sense of safety is needed, the ritual and comfort of burrowing and resting in a warm, Alpha scented space is pure instinct.

Sam bites his bottom lip in concentration. He curses himself under his breath as things start to make better sense in his mind all of a sudden. The way Dean gets bone deep tired sometimes, all of a sudden struggling to eat when he normally enthusiastically eats the kind of greasy diner food that Sam is convinced could clog up the arteries of a horse… The times when Dean trembles and shivers in the evenings, with the AC in the motel room being set at the very same temperature that was perfect a couple of days prior. The way Sam’s hoodies and flannels disappear from his duffel— Sam freezes at that. Could it be that simple? Could he have helped with at least that aspect, all along?

It’s frustrating and he finds himself muttering angrily under his breath about Dean being an idiot for not asking him, but Sam knows that if there is one thing his brother will never do, Omega or not, it is to admit he needs something.

Sam reads on about the instinct to be scented, to have the Alpha mark the Omega up with their own scent, ideally until their own Omega scent is masked completely and how it derives from a want to protect themselves and their unborn child. Smelling like the Alpha who’s protection they’re under, makes the Omega feel safe in their vulnerable state. Unknown Alpha’s can otherwise be triggered by the sight and smell of their status, driven to harm the Omega in order to drive out the unborn offspring, whether actual conception has taken place or not, in order to be able to claim the Omega for themselves and plant their own seed.

Sam cringes at that, feeling disgusted and outraged. He’s known his entire adult life that he’s lucky to be a well balanced Alpha. He tends to not suffer from the explosive kind of rage that some of his peers have, but he’s well aware of the pit of anger inside him. It builds slowly over time instead, right there like a stormy sea waiting to crush against the shores.

The thought of anyone else coming anywhere near Dean when his biology makes him crave safety and rest, makes him feel his blood boil and suddenly he’s even more determined to speak to his brother about this. Dean can throw a fit if he wants, he can shut down or pretend to not need any help but Sam will never again just stand by and pretend like his brother’s status is none of his business.

Josh had said that he could smell Sam on Dean, sense an actual bond, and Sam latches on to that as he tries to mentally prepare himself for the fall out of confronting his proud brother. The bond must mean something, Sam thinks. The way Dean has protected Sam his entire life, the way Sam knows, has always known, that Dean is his, must count for something. Sam had proudly and with conviction told all his little classmates when he started school that Dean was his. For years his big brother was usually referred to by Sam as “my Dee” and now he can’t help but wonder if he’d just always known that they would never need more than each other.

Sam spends the next few weeks observing, both his own feelings and instincts and Dean’s behaviour. Dean shoots him angry glares across the table as Sam watches him closely, but he doesn’t say much or tell Sam to go fuck himself so he gets more and more bold with his case study.

When he notices Dean starting to shove his hands into his coat pockets to warm them on a perfectly balmy day Sam deliberately leaves a hoodie on the foot of his bed that night, crawling into bed while Dean is still in the shower (no doubt using up all the hot water, but Sam finds himself more pleased with that now, than annoyed). Sam wakes up the next morning to find Dean wearing the hoodie, face half buried in the hood, cheeks rosy as he sleeps soundly. A surge of proud happiness shoots through Sam and he’s nearly giddy with the feeling of finally caring for Dean in the right way. It’s like he’s unlocked something life affirming inside himself that was always there, but that he never understood before. The Alpha in him is celebrating the small win.

Jess was an Alpha just like himself and Sam had been drawn to her for that particular reason when he arrived at Stanford. He desperately wanted simple and uncomplicated and that’s exactly what he got. They had fun together, she knew what she wanted - had always known she was going into nursing, enjoyed cycling in the park and was open and communicative. Secure in herself and her place in the world.

In the beginning, after she died so suddenly — his old life catching up with him, Sam spent a lot of time in a bitter daydream, trying to cling to the future he had imagined with her by his side. A house of their own, fulfilling careers and eventually a family of their own. He loved Jess, admired her and respected her, but he didn’t feel that his heartbeat was linked directly to hers in the way he had secretly always known it was to that of his brother. Walking out on the hunting life was not hard, but to turn his back on Dean back then had been torture.

Now Sam’s sure that no matter what, he was destined to end up back here, next to Dean. It wasn’t simple, it wasn't easy, but it was where he belonged. He was still dedicated to their quest, but more than anything it felt like a relief to finally accept and fully embrace that he was bonded to his brother and that as long as they had each other, everything else came secondary. It was okay to feel lost without his big brother. It wasn't a weakness, it was destiny. They were soulmates.

:::

“Want me to take over for a bit?” Sam asks, keeping his tone as light and casual as possible. He watches carefully as Dean’s hands tighten on the wheel. He shoots his younger brother a sharp look.

“I’m good.”

“Okay,” Sam nods, studying the little tremors in Dean’s shoulders. “Turn up the heat?”

“Cold, princess Samantha?” Dean teases, but the normal sparkle of mirth is missing from his gaze. Sam ignores him and changes the temperature despite the way the already balmy air in the car is making him break out in a sweat on his lower back.

By the time they hit something that resembles a town where they might actually have a motel it’s past midnight and Sam nearly winces in the passenger seat watching Dean clearly push his body through something that is making him nearly shake with pain now. There is a need there, a need for comfort and safety and Sam wants to shout and scream, grab Dean by the shoulders and beg him to let him help him.

“You— you would let me know if you needed something, right?” Sam asks carefully in the end, holding back from just scooping Dean up. Dean huffs something under his breath and stalks off to get them a room and Sam looks after him, forcing himself to stay by the parked Impala - but can’t help but scan the otherwise pretty abandoned parking lot for more than just their regular monsters.

Dean would throttle him if he knew, but Sam can’t help it these days. His newfound awareness of the complexity of their biology (or, Sam thinks somewhat bitterly, him no longer naively thinking of his big brother as invincible) has made him hyper aware of how many other types of predators there are out there apart from the usual monsters they hunt… and his inner Alpha growls possessively at the mere thought of anyone or anything taking his Omega from him.

He feels relief flood him as he spots Dean walking back towards him, motel room key in hand and Sam takes it as his cue to start pulling their duffels from the car.

Actively listening for it, Sam wakes up almost instantly when Dean starts tossing in his bed. When his brother is trapped in nightmares he tends to be pinned on his back, little terrified shouts escaping him in the dark, every muscle taught and strained as he fights, runs or begs in his sleep. Sam has long ago memorised all his brother’s signs of night terrors, but this is different. Sam cracks one eye open, peering over at Dean in the still dark motel room. There is only a sliver of moonlight escaping in through the cheap, nylon curtains, but it’s enough for Sam to make out his big brother.

Dean is curled up on his side, arms protectively wrapped around his middle and chin tucked low. His whines are breathless and quiet, but Sam feels them as if they were his own. His heart picks up its pace, beating faster and faster in his chest as he forces himself to stay where he is. The instinct to go to Dean spreads like an itch under his skin, but Sam needs to find some way to speak to Dean first. Sam knows his brother well enough to know that what he’s going through is nothing less than a sign of weakness in Dean’s own mind.

Sam’s research has confirmed what Josh had told him all those weeks ago. He’s grateful for the insight and the non judgemental way the other man had pointed it out, but Sam also can’t help but feel a little bit ashamed of his lack of previous insight. His heart leaps in his chest when he thinks about himself as Dean’s Alpha, but his blood boils when he even for a second considers the possibility of someone else having his brother so he somehow has to find a way to approach the older man about this.

Chills, pain, anxiety and brain fog all seem to be early signs of the hormone imbalance a lack of proper nesting and care can cause, and Sam fists his bedsheets in pure frustration where he lies in his own bed, watching Dean’s body tremble under his duvet.

Determined to put an end to this before it gets worse, Sam swears to himself in the dark that he’s going to confront Dean about their situation tomorrow. Sam will describe in detail, what the in-hospital treatment looks like if Dean tries to deflect and refuses to take it seriously. It wasn’t pretty, and Sam had to take a breather half way through reading about it, nausea settling in his stomach.

He gets up, carefully approaching the shivering, curled up man on the other bed and Sam moves his own duvet - still warm from lingering body heat, taking care to rub the fabric over his bare chest and neck to make sure his scent is as strong as it can be, before he drapes it over Dean. He tucks his brother in tightly and watches fondly as Dean’s nose twitches in his sleep, sniffing carefully, his inner Omega realising even in sleep that the protective scent has enveloped him. With a small sigh of contentment Dean appears to relax into the mattress, rubbing his cheek gently against the heavy duvet and Sam sits back on his own bed, watching Dean for a moment before he lies back down on his bed, falling asleep.

Dean’s deathly pale pallor the next morning scares Sam even more than his shivering form had done in the night. Despite getting back to peaceful sleep with Sam’s help the elder Winchester sways on his feet as they move around the small motel room, his face ashen and his eyes dull with exhaustion.

“What are you staring at?” Dean snaps, annoyed when he catches Sam looking at him and for a second Sam’s frustration over the situation bubbles up making him bark back.

“Are you seriously going to continue to pretend that everything is normal? That there is nothing wrong with you?!”

Sam is scared, and his fear spills out of him as anger and if he didn’t already know Dean was in trouble, the way his brother freezes at the tone of his voice speaks volumes. Sam watches in immediate horror and shame as Dean’s shoulders slump and he bows his head, submissively. Damn it, Sam thinks, this was so not how he wanted to start this conversation. Ordering Dean to listen to him wasn't the way he wanted to do this.
“I’m sorry, man. Dean?” Sam gentles his voice, carefully reaches out to touch his brother’s shoulder and he tries to soothe away the accidental moment of dominance.

“Fuck you, don’t do that!” Dean mutters, glaring at his taller brother the moment he seems to have fully pulled himself out of his submissive headspace and Sam gives his shoulder a soft squeeze.

“I know, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to.”

“I— can we just hit the road?” Dean asks, and Sam frowns at the fact that Dean asks at all when he would usually just command Sam to get his ass to the car.

“Dean, you don’t look so good…”

“Sam,” Dean sighs, rubbing at the back of his neck, stepping back, allowing Sam’s hand to fall away. “I… I’ll be fine. Just a bit worn out.”

“We both know that’s not it,” Sam points out, careful to keep his tone as neutral as possible. His brother doesn’t respond well to anything that in any way can be interpreted as pity. “There are things you need, things you’re not getting at the moment…” he bravely continues when Dean doesn’t storm out and Sam holds steady, keeps their eye contact even as Dean’s fists curl tight by his sides. “Maybe never…”

“Sam…” Dean warns and Sam takes another step closer.

“Why deny yourself when I can give you exactly what you need? Why do you need to torture yourself like this? Do you even know what danger you’re putting yourself in?”

“I can take care of myself,” Dean snaps defensively and Sam sighs.

“Dean. I’m sorry I haven’t been paying attention before, but I see the signs now. I’ve read up on it all - I know that there are things your body is screaming for, things you have denied yourself for years and after dodging the damn apocalypse I refuse to lose you to something as stupid as your own biology!”

“Read up on it all?”

“Researched,” Sam clarifies and Dean’s eyes darken.

“Oh, I’m a fucking case now am I?!”

“You’re not—“ Sam groans, fighting the instinct to pin Dean down, literally shake some sense into him. “Look, the research is very clear. Omegas need safe spaces for nesting, their hormones regulated either naturally or…” Sam hesitates, “medically.” Sam doesn’t miss the way Dean flinches at that. “Without it their bodies break down. You must know that’s where you’re headed right?! I know you’re a stubborn, self sacrificing ass, but you’re not stupid!”

“No but I’m a weak, lost little Omega, right?” Dean shouts back making Sam glare back at him.

“Right now, Dean? Pretty much!”

Sam’s barely managed to get the words out, words of fear for his brother’s health disguised as something so much more mean, before Dean lunches at him, drawing back his fist. The punch is hard enough to knock Sam back, stumbling with the force and surprise of it. He feels the burn and throb shoot through the left side if his face, the bruise forming over his eye.

“Fuck, Dean!” Sam snaps and Dean scowls at him, furious and shaking where he stands.

“You think you know everything there is to know about me now that you’ve read a damn book or two on the pathetic needs of Omegas?! I’m not a fucking chapter in a book so drop it Sam! Or I swear—“

“I won’t!” Sam growls back, staring him down. “You’re too damn important to me! Don’t you understand that? You need me, and for once I have something to give you! Something that you can rely on to actually get better. I’m not going to sit by and watch you suffer anymore. Just, please, let me give you what I was born to give you!”

Dean stares at him, seemingly shocked for a moment and Sam drags in a deep breath, waits for Dean to finally accept what they both know to be true already.

“You have me,” Sam whispers when Dean doesn't say anything and he frowns in concern as Dean shakes his head, eyes full of a sadness he doesn’t understand.

“Sam… don’t.”

“Please, Dean just let me look after you. You’ve looked after me my whole life, but if you don't allow me to care for you now, you’re going to get sick. You’re going to get worse. I can fix it, please Dean. You have what you need, right here!”

“Don’t!” Dean snaps. “Don’t— I can’t do this again!”

“Do what again?” Sam blinks, mind racing to catch up. His brother is trembling and pale before him, angry in a way Sam’s not seen in years.

“I have been through this once already, Sam,” Dean grits out. “Either you don’t care about me at all, or you simply skipped the chapters on Bond Breaking and Rejection Sickness when you went on your little research trip into poor weak Omega Dean’s condition, but either way - back the fuck off, Sam!”

“Dean that’s not at all—“

“It nearly killed me last time Sam, and I know you’re not exactly thrilled to be back here, with me,” Dean’s voice is so full of self hatred that Sam can barely stand it, “but unless you absolutely hate me, please, I’m begging you, leave this alone.”

“What are you talking about?!” Sam cries, desperate to know what Dean means. He feels so much love for his brother that the accusation of hating him or wanting to harm him leaves Sam nauseated and unsteady on his feet. It’s a physical blow that nearly floors him.

Before he can stop himself Sam stumbles forward, towards Dean’s tense form.

“I don’t hate you, I love you!” Sam blurts out and Dean’s eyes widen. “I…” something snaps into place in Sam’s mind and he swallows thickly, staring at Dean. “Stanford. When I left…”

Dean visibly shudders before him, tearing his eyes from Sam’s and Sam takes another desperate step forward.

“Don’t shut yourself away from me now, please Dean.”

“Didn’t you hear me?” Dean whispers, still avoiding Sam’s gaze. “I can’t afford to let you do this. I can’t survive it again. If I let myself depend on you for this,” Dean shakes his head as if to dislodge and reject the idea before it fully forms, “well you don’t want that.”

“I do!”

“You don’t!” Dean shouts back, eyes finally meeting Sam’s again. “Sammy I dragged you back out here with me. You didn’t even choose to start hunting with me again.”

“I never didn’t want you,” Sam insists, his entire body screaming at him to touch Dean, to physically anchor him to himself so that he can never be taken from him. “I wanted a different life, but I never didn’t want you.”

“I am nothing more than ‘that life’ Sam. You deserve a real O-omega if that’s what you want, someone that can fucking say the word out loud without choking on it,” Dean releases a dry, self deprecating laugh that makes Sam want to cry. He shakes his head desperately at Dean’s words.

“No… Dean I want you.”

Dean is silent for so long that Sam almost thinks his brother has shut him out and shut down the entire conversation when he stumbles back, legs hitting the bed behind him, making him sink down. He looks drained where he sits before Sam, shoulders slumped and eyes glazed.

“Why?” He whispers and Sam feels his heart leap in his chest.

“Because you’re mine,” Sam promises, falling forward onto his knees in front of his big brother. “That’s never changed or not been true. I just didn’t understand what it was I was feeling. I knew I loved you, of course I did, how could I not?! You raised me, you cared for me. You’re my big brother, my hero… but I was busy trying to find normalcy, too busy to look at the bond we share beyond brotherhood and family ties.”

Sam carefully places a hand on Dean’s knee, looking up at him.

“I’ve always felt like I’ve failed you somehow, like I’ve been unable to repay you for how you’ve always cared for me, loved me, and I can see you twisting my words right now,” Sam taps Dean’s knee, bringing him back to him, “thinking I’m saying I owe you this, or that I’m stuck with some sort of debt to you - I’m not saying that at all, Dean,” Sam adds watching Dean blush, having been caught out. “I’m saying we are destined to be together in every way there is, and I could feel the way I was neglecting that. I know now that my biology knew what I had not realised yet, which is that I’m not going to be whole until I make you whole. I need to give you what you need.”

“I can take care of myself,” Dean mutters, eyes downcast and Sam brings his hand up to stroke his thumb over his big brother’s cheekbone.

“I know,” Sam agrees. “I know you can, but what I’m saying is that I want to help you take care of yourself.”

“I’m not some sort of delicate flower,” Dean mumbles and Sam smiles, can feel the shift in the other man’s energy.

“You don’t say?” Sam teases gently, motioning towards his black eye. Dean looks a bit sheepish but smiles back.

“Should get you ice for that… sorry,” he whispers, carefully reaching out, stroking a gentle fingertip over Sam’s bruised skin.

“I deserved it,” Sam says, turning his head to place a chaste kiss on the palm of Dean’s hand. He carefully watches for his brother’s reaction, smiling at the way his face heats up with another adorable blush.

“Besides, you’re right,” Sam continues, “books are one thing, and you’re a person with preferences and needs and I want to learn about them, about you. If you’ll teach me?”

They stay another night, not talking much, but staying together on the couch ordering in food instead of one of them leaving to get something. Shoulders pressing against each other, knees bumping together they watch old movies and shut out the rest of the world.

That night Dean dreams of the fever dreams and hallucinations he suffered for the first few months after Sam left for Stanford. How all food suddenly tasted like ashes and his skin would itch with the desperate need to be touched, but all physical contact with strangers or even his father would make him throw up violently.

He wakes himself up with the raw shout he lets out in his sleep, and when he shoots up in bed, sitting stiff and gasping for air Sam is suddenly there. His little brother scoots in behind him on the bed, silently guiding Dean back against his wide chest with a large warm palm over his breastbone.

“Shh…” Sam hushes him, warm lips against Dean’s clammy temple. “I’m here now. Not going anywhere.”

Dean closes his eyes and allows himself to believe his brother.

:::

“So without even knowing it, I was helping you?” Sam asks in amazement and Dean squirms a bit in Baby’s driver’s seat.

“Sammy…” he groans.

“Come on,” Sam begs. “I promise I won’t nag you about anything else, today,” Sam adds cheekily and Dean rolls his eyes.

“I don’t know,” Dean shrugs, giving in like he always does because he can never deny Sammy anything. “When I first presented you were so young still, so I didn’t really think much of it but somehow your nightmares coincided with my nesting cycle so you would always come crawl into my bed anyway on those nights, and a lot of the time we were still sharing so you were just there. I guess that was all that was needed back then. I was, you know… fertile,” Dean grimaces a bit at the word and Sam chuckles at him, “but my biological clock wasn’t exactly ticking I think. My body knew it wasn’t in a hurry so the symptoms weren’t so strong. It gets more intense with age,” Dean admits quietly.

“And really, you had nightmares all the time so maybe that had nothing to do with it,” Dean hurries to add, clearly trying to ease some of his own awkwardness over the subject by going back to the familiar territory of teasing Sam. Sam just smiles at him fondly, doesn’t mind.

“What about after I left?”

Dean tenses besides him and Sam holds his breath, knows that he’s pushing it.

“What about it?” Dean asks, trying to sound nonchalant but Sam can hear the undercurrent of vulnerability. It almost makes him back off, but he needs to know. He’s been ignorant about this time in Dean’s life all this time and it’s more than time for them to move past this, together.

“Did dad help you—“

“What?!” Dean snorts, looking equal parts embarrassed and horrified and Sam cocks his head to the side, waiting patiently.

“No I…” Dean clears his throat, “I did what I’ve been doing really. Forced myself through it, sometimes managing to push through altogether and other times…” he stops for a second, seeming to weigh his words. “Here, the car… it feels close to you, so I’d sleep in the car. Still did, you know before…” Dean waves his hand around, still not quite being able to speak directly about their long due confrontation about their situation. Two weeks have passed and both of them are aware of the fact that any day now what they’ve been talking about in theory will become reality.

Sam had not been surprised to learn that Dean absolutely refuse to track his nesting patterns in a calendar, but he’s determined to document it himself, so that he can start to spot some of Dean’s needs before they’re obvious. Sam doesn’t dare say it out loud or admit it to Dean, but this is a joint project now. A shared responsibility that Sam is proud to carry.

Sam had already pieced together that Dean must have spent a lot of his nesting nights in the Impala since they hit the road together, as it was one of few explanations that made sense once Sam backtracked through his mind and realised that about once a month Dean would stay the night somewhere else for a couple of nights, bragging about a random hookup in a bar, but always returning without smelling like someone else. Dean telling him about it himself though, means the world to Sam and he silently sends thanks to Baby for having kept his brother safe.

:::

The first time it happens Sam is overwhelmed with the instant, deep rooted desire to find Dean a home. Somewhere where he’s not having to burrow into worn thin, stained and nicotine smelling motel blankets. There is nothing safe about this motel room at the Pine Lodge in some crappy town in Vermont, Sam thinks, with the deep rumble of possessiveness growing inside him at the sight of Dean’s full body shivers on the bed.

“It’s n-not bad y-yet,” Dean insists, his eyes glassy with fever and his hands pulled up inside the long sleeves of Sam’s hoodie that he's wearing for warmth and the added comfort of Sam’s scent. “You s-should go o-out for f-food.”

The growl that had been lodged in his throat escapes him then, making Dean do the impossible of both instinctively offering him his throat in submission and roll his eyes at his overbearing little brother at the same time.

“Not leaving you here on your own,” Sam vows, ignoring Dean’s huff of protest.

“It’s b-barely started,” Dean insists, teeth chattering and Sam sits down next to him on the motel bed. There is just one bed, as requested by Sam at check in and Dean is secretly relieved. He’s not ready to say that out loud quite yet, but the fear that had always been eating away at him every time the symptoms started, ever since that day when Sam walked out and dad slammed the door shut on him saying he couldn’t come back, wasn’t there now. Sam was here and for the first time in a long time Dean didn’t have to both battle his hormones and try to hide it at the same time.

Sam eyes the threadbare sheets on the bed and frowns angrily at the two, thin pillows propped up against the dusty headboard. He’s already brought their old blanket in from the Impala, the one dad used to tuck around them in the backseat when they were kids, sleeping tangled up in each other to the soothing sound of Baby’s engine. Sam realises that Dean’s made do with less nesting materials for the past few years, if not his entire life, but he won’t just stand by this time. He’s determined to prove to Dean that doing this together is better.

Now that Sam is paying attention he can also feel his own matching surge of hormones in response to Dean’s. There is a faint smell to Dean’s skin that’s developed over the last couple of days, the most delicious combination of sweetness and home and Sam wants to nuzzle Dean’s neck, wants to drown in that warm scent. He also feels every muscle in his body tense and thrum with anticipation of literally beating off anyone that goes anywhere near Dean right now, and he knows Dean’s right. It has only just started.

“Okay,” Sam nods shakily. “You promise you will stay right here? I’ll be back in just a second.”

“Leave your shirt?” Dean asks weakly and Sam shrugs off his flannel, immediately handing it to his brother who’s clearly battling his exhaustion, blinking sluggishly on the bed where he had collapsed immediately after Sam had unlocked the door. Dean rubs his cheek against the soft fabric of Sam’s shirt and Sam pretends to not hear the little mewl of happiness that escapes his proud and independent big brother. Sam knows how much it took for Dean to even ask for him to leave his flannel so he’s not going to make Dean uncomfortable now by drawing attention to it.

Sam re-enters the little office with dread pooling in his stomach. The clerk behind the desk is the same unshaven man that had been in there when they had checked into the motel just earlier. Sam had immediately felt uneasy as the stranger’s eyes roamed over Dean where he stood, half hidden behind Sam’s larger frame. Sam had fixed the man with a stern enough look to keep him quiet as they’d paid for the room but now the man grins at him, looking way too smug for Sam’s liking.

“Back so soon? He too feisty for ya? He had the look,” the motel manager smirks, eyes dark in the poorly lit front office. “Pretty as sin, with a bit of a bite. You know you can always grab that special spot on the back of his neck to make him all pliant and weak. I bet he’s beautiful when he submits fully. What’s your rate?”

“What?” Sam’s stunned and confused, staring back at the other Alpha before him.

“What do you charge for a couple of hours with him? He’s a rare one, you don’t see too many male Omegas around anymore.”

“He’s taken,” Sam growls, hands in fists by his sides.

“Shame,” the man tuts. “That pretty face… you’d make a good buck whoring him out.” The man tilts his head to the side, predatory smile widening as Sam’s nostrils flare with anger. “But hey, you’ve left him all alone, so maybe you’re offering him up for free?”

Sam’s patience snaps, his heart thundering in his chest as he feels a surge of power course through him, propelling himself forward, his hand wrapped in the wiry hair of the other Alpha and he effortlessly slams the man’s head down into the desk with a sickening crack.

“Stop. Talking. About. Him.”

“Argh!! G-get off me!” The man whines and Sam trembles with the instinct to just crush his neck in his hands, drain the life out of the other Alpha that’s dared to speak about his brother like he’s a toy.

“You so much as breathe in his direction and I’ll snap your pathetic neck!” Sam threatens, voice a deep rumble of anger and promise, making the other man whimper pathetically in his hold. The top of the desk is smeared with blood and Sam releases his hold with one last growl, shoving the man’s pathetic form back making him stumble back.

“Pillows,” Sam orders sharply. “Spare ones, where?”

The man cradles his broken and bleeding nose, pointing towards a supply closet behind the front desk and Sam shoves him aside, determined to make it back to Dean as soon as he can. He’s already been gone for longer than he intended and he angrily wipes his bloody hand on his jeans. Fuck this guy, and fuck every other asshole out there that has ever so much as looked at Dean. Sam feels adrenaline course through him and he has to reign it in, has to breathe through the overpowering desire to rip the entire world apart for Dean.

When he steps back into their motel room, arms full of spare blankets and pillows Dean is squirming on the bed, barely awake, hands searching in the sheets.

“Sam…”

“I’m here, sorry I— I’m here now,” Sam hurries, carefully placing the pillows and warm blankets on the bed next to his brother. Dean stills as he takes in Sam’s scent and he blinks up at his brother.

“You’re angry,” Dean whispers and Sam carefully strokes his forehead, treading his trembling fingers through Dean’s hair.

“Not at you.”

“You been defending my h-honour little brother?” Dean mumbles as he instinctively pushes closer to Sam, falling into the touch, seeking the warmth of Sam’s large hand against the top of his head.

“Don’t worry about that now,” Sam asks him, his body already calming down now that Dean is here, safe with him. “I brought you more stuff, to keep you warm.”

Sam hesitates for a second, suddenly feeling nervous.

“What do you need me to… to do?”

Dean pulls at the new blankets, sighing in relief as the added weight and warmth seem to soothe him. There is a flush to his cheeks, his eyes still glassy as he fights to stay awake.

“D-don’t leave, Sammy, please.”

“I’m not leaving, I’m right here. What can I do?” Sam urges. “Please Dean, let me help.”

A door slams shut outside, someone in a nearby motel room coming or going, and Dean practically jumps on the bed, instinctively wrapping his arms around his stomach and Sam stares with wide eyes, fascinated by Dean’s Omega typical instinct to protect the baby he’s not yet carrying within himself.

Yet.

A deep desire within Sam is awakened, to at some point actually have his brother tucked safely against him, with their child growing in his womb. The thought seems to allow him to tap into his own instincts and he kneels on the bed, pulling his t-shirt over his head as he kicks off his shoes and jeans, leaving his clothes in a messy pile on the floor.

“You need skin to skin contact,” Sam whispers into the dim light of the room and Dean scoots over, lifting the edge of the piles of blankets he’s hidden underneath, inviting Sam to join him. Sam settles next to his brother, only to instantly feel Dean curl into his side, his face buried in the crook of Sam’s shoulder, his soft lips pressed against the pulse point in Sam’s neck. Dean’s hands are stroking over Sam’s taught abs, and Sam feels his instinct to soothe Dean take over, making him rub his cheek over the top of Dean’s head, releasing wave after wave of calming pheromones as his own Alpha scent washes over his brother.

“Mine,” Sam whispers in the dark and Dean hums. Sam strokes with feather light touches over the back of Dean’s neck and his heart swells with pride in the trust his brother puts in him. If he increases the pressure enough, Dean will be momentarily rendered defenceless in his arms but Dean doesn’t tense or fear the touch, not from Sam.

Held tightly in Sam’s arms, Dean sleeps soundly. He breathes slowly and steadily, subconsciously rubbing his face into Sam’s chest, fingers pressing against Sam’s skin as he dreams and rests. Sam presses his lips to Dean’s warm forehead, smiling as he feels Dean relax further against him. It’s so hot underneath the layers of pillows, blankets and various items of Sam’s clothing, that Sam feels sweat drip down the back of his neck and pool in the lower of his back, but Dean is no longer shivering so Sam doesn’t mind. He will stay inside Dean’s nest for as long as his brother needs him.

Sam feels a shiver of excitement run through him as he lies in the dark with his brother, letting his mind wander to that other aspect of their connection… the thing they haven’t tried or talked about yet. His hips give an involuntary twitch, pressing his groin against Dean’s hip and Sam chuckles when Dean gasps, breathless and sleepy, lips brushing the column of Sam’s throat. His mouth is hot and Sam swears he can feel his bother almost purr against him.

“Don’t,” Dean murmurs, eyelashes long and soft against Sam’s skin. “Don’t tease me,” the older Winchester whines and Sam bites his bottom lip to stop himself from moaning at loud at the way Dean clings tighter.

“Just out of curiosity,” Sam whispers back, voice thick and hoarse with love, “how long until…?”

“‘bout two weeks,” Dean hums. “Maybe ten days. If I get off the pills.”

Sam’s ready to flush the damn suppressants down the toilet, has been for a while now, but would never force his brother. Instead he wraps his arms around Dean, tries to silently communicate that he is safe, that Sam will do whatever Dean wants. He will wait too, if that’s what Dean needs.

“I won’t ever walk out on you again, you know that right? No matter what happens… You trust me?” Sam asks instead and Dean glances up at him, green eyes shiny and big.

“I trust you.”

There is nothing but sincerity in Dean’s gaze. He’s vulnerable and open, pupils large and cheeks pink. Sam tilts his chin down, places a soft kiss to the top of his big brother’s head. He doesn’t care how long it will take, he will show Dean that their bond can save them, even in this messed up world, amongst monsters and spirits. They will make up for their lost time, and Sam will not rest until Dean knows how cherished he is.

Sam falls asleep with Dean sleeping soundly against his chest and he knows he's home.