Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

On the Hogwarts Express at the end of his first year, in the last carriage completely alone, Severus wished—no, he internally begged—that no one from that school would find him. He just wanted a moment of peace after so many months of being tormented by those stuck-up students, and not a single teacher coming to his rescue. It was official: Severus never wanted to return to that cursed school. He just wanted to get home and snuggle in his mother's loving arms, asking for refuge. In the end, his father was right; magic only ruins people's lives. He should have listened to the man.

When he received his acceptance letter to Hogwarts, Severus was more excited than ever before. But unlike him, his parents didn't share that same excitement, especially his father, who had a certain fear of magic but respected his son's choice to learn more about its culture. Meanwhile, Eileen, who was a witch just like her son, had wizarding blood running through her veins, but when she met her husband and fell in love, she decided she no longer wanted that world for herself, and she didn't miss it, being true to herself. In that place, the only thing that mattered was her power and blood status, when all she wanted was true love and her long-awaited freedom, and even though she didn't want her son to suffer in that place as she had suffered one day, she couldn't simply forbid him.

With his parents' permission to attend Hogwarts, Severus was even more excited and simply burst with happiness when he discovered that his best friend, Lily Evans, would be going with him to that school. From the moment he received his letter until he arrived at that grand castle full of magic, Severus envisioned an incredible place that would accept him with open arms, but in the end, he was very wrong.

The first thing that went wrong was when the Sorting Hat sorted him into Slytherin; Severus didn't know the stories of that place. As soon as he set foot in the common room of that green house, he was stared at and stoned with looks of disgust and humiliating words about every aspect of himself. Severus thought it was common treatment for newcomers and that it would change over time, but as the days passed, things only got worse, to the point that he woke up as early as possible to avoid running into his housemates and entered the common room as late as possible. But it was just one bad thing in the middle of a great dream; there were still good things to come, right? Big mistake. Along with the persecution he suffered from other Slytherins, Severus began to suffer some "pranks" from a group of Gryffindors. At first, they were things he took in good humor and could overlook, but things started to change when he always ended up with some bruise from these pranks or even had his school supplies destroyed. It broke his heart to know that his parents' effort to buy those expensive materials had been thrown in the trash.

His first action when things started to escalate was to seek protection from the school authorities, the teachers. They couldn't ignore the situation he was going through without saying anything, but in the end, he, the victim, was judged for inventing lies about his classmates, and ultimately threatened with detention if it happened again. With each passing day, Severus's idea of ​​a magical world crumbled little by little, but it was completely destroyed two weeks before the end of his first year.

Like any friend, the Slytherin always confided in his best friend, but these complaints were rare, since they rarely saw each other because they lived in different houses, and Lily, when she saw him, would only say how happy she was to be there, and before Severus could say anything, she would make an excuse to leave. Severus didn't want to seem controlling, but he felt that Lily no longer cared about their friendship, but out of love for that years-long friendship, he tried to resolve the situation with a conversation. Finally, Lily argued with him, saying that her life was being held back by someone as insignificant as him, and that she needed better people around her than a snotty brat like him chasing after her. That finished breaking Severus's already shattered heart.

For the rest of his time at Hogwarts, Severus did everything possible to avoid being visited or heard by any of his aggressors, and luckily for him, it was as if a higher power had heard his pleas, and for the first time in months he spent some time without being insulted or assaulted. On the train, he hid once again, but with every meter traveled by that machine, Severus begged them to arrive as quickly as possible, and as if luck were on his side for the first time, it wasn't long before they reached the station, and right at the end of it, his parents were waiting for him. They could finally get out of that hell once and for all and never come back.

Tobias and Eileen were anxious to see their son after so long, so they waited ahead for the Hogwarts Express, but stayed far enough away so they wouldn't have to interact with the other families. Tobias still felt a severe aversion to anything magical, but he was slowly changing. When they saw the train's smoke approaching, the two adults became even more excited, but that excitement turned to apprehension when they saw their beloved son with such a sad and fearful expression. Even when they asked him, the boy only refused to answer; the only thing that came out of his mouth was that he wanted to go home and rest.

Not wanting to force their son, the two agreed not to delay going home, but this did not lessen their apprehension about what Severus was going through, but at the right time he would come to them to talk. They only hoped it wouldn't take too long. At home, Severus had barely arrived when he locked himself in his room, not even coming out to eat or use the bathroom. Like any mother, Eileen was climbing the walls with worry, and her urge was to break down Severus's door and ask what was happening, but with Tobias's wise words, she forgot, for that moment, that barbaric idea.

Two days later, at dinnertime, while both adults were in the middle of their meal, Severus rushed into the kitchen claiming he wanted to talk, and judging by the boy's frightened face, it wasn't something they could deny. And without any hesitation, he opened up about what was happening to him.

— I want to leave Hogwarts.