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I'm Gonna Need a lot More Stress Relieving Macaroni

Summary:

So a friend and I had this idea at three in the morning so please don't judge. I don't know how often updates will be, so keep an eye out if you actually like this trash lol

 

help us

this is a collab with said friend, she has the prologue I have chapter 1, we will alternate.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: Prologue

Chapter Text

The bartender of a well-known bar watched as three men walked in, they approached her and ordered each their own drinks. The bartender took a mental note of their orders and started preparing them.
“-and then I said, ‘go get your own damn horse!’” the bartender heard one of them say, she honestly wasn’t paying attention. She brushed back a frizzly red lock of hair that fell into her face, as she poured a little somthin’ somthin’ into the three men’s drinks. She turned around to face the three men, smiled at them like one does, and handed them their drinks.
“Thank you,” one of them said, winking.
“On top of these drinks, may we get your name madam?” A second inquired, leaning on the counter and nudging a third.
“Goddamnit you guys, you know I’m horse-and-Frenchmen-sexual!”
One of the three sighed and addressed the waitress. “My apologies mon ami, because of him we aren't very reliable with the ladies.”

Not even a day later, the same waitress was in a similar bar, but not the same one. She was casually making a drink for some random hobo when her next target walked in with two others. She only wanted the one though, the other two were for something else. She handed the hobo his drink and took the order of her next target and the two others. Once again she put something in her target’s drink, gave it to him, and left.

She later went to another bar, to get a duo. A duo of girls this time. She did the same process and went on to another. Next, she got a lone man, then she got a married duo, another lone man, and a British man.

Then finally, she went to a graveyard. To her luck, her next two targets were buried in the same graveyard. She went over to a grave, stood over it for a few minutes, and poured a potion of her creation onto the grave. She then moved onto another grave and did the same.