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Clarke Griffin had never been a morning person, but ever since she had gotten engaged to her long-time boyfriend Finn Collins, Clarke somehow found it easier to wake up and actually not be mad about it.
She was excited, overwhelmed with the fact that she was engaged ! The proposal had definitely taken her by surprise, she wasn’t expecting the usual Friday night dinner to end up with Finn on his knee… Clarke wasn’t really an extremely sentimental person, however his traditional proposal did make her feel giddy, like she was a teenager again, imagining this very moment while listening to Whitney Houston songs.
Two whole days had passed and she was still under the influence of her big news. Even her mother, Abby, had called to congratulate her, a rare occurrence.
So, when she woke up that Sunday morning, Clarke was surprised to hear her doorbell ring at 8 AM. Wondering who it might be, she hurried to open the door, but surprisingly so, there was nobody outside. Instead, at her doorstep she found a white envelope with her name written on it.
Intrigued, Clarke ripped it open, not able to contain her curiosity. Inside she found a small card with only three words scribbled down messily: don’t marry him. Of all the things she would’ve expected to find written there, that wasn’t even on the list of possibilities.
Why? How? Who? … So many questions were twirling in her mind, but the fact was - somebody went to a great length of leaving her a note outside her door, just to express their disapproval of her engagement… She couldn’t understand the motive…
First thing that came to her mind is that maybe it was an ex, her or Finn’s. Except, she didn’t know Finn’s dating history at all and all her break-ups were kind of amicable… So, she was back to square one, wondering and worrying at the same time.
Clarke pondered whether she should tell Finn about the card or not, but figured it was best to keep that little secret to herself, at least until she figured out who sent it and why. There was no point in bothering him if it was nothing, she though. Of course, a stupid anonymous card couldn’t change her mind about marrying her fiancé, no matter what.
That’s why Clarke had decided to just put the note in her wallet and try to forget about it for the moment. It was Sunday, she was going to spend the early morning back in bed with her man and then go to brunch with her girls. There was no time nor space in her mind for any negativity.
After actually doing what she came down for - getting a bottle of water - Clarke finally made her way back upstairs. The warmth of her bed and her boyfri-, well fiancé (she still wasn’t used to it) was so sweetly calling her, that she had just forgotten about the weird note with the ominous message.
She didn’t think about it until Monday morning. The day before was so full of plans and other things to focus her mind on, that Clarke couldn’t even take a moment to analyse the card she had gotten.
After brunch with her best friends: Raven, Harper, Anya and Octavia, Clarke had gone to visit her little cousin Madi. The girl was fifteen and really looked up to Clarke, so she always found some time to spend with her and hang out. That took up most of her afternoon, but Clarke still managed to check up on her friend Wells who was down with the flu for the last few days.
Staying there for dinner and a movie, Clarke somehow finally found her way home, too tired to let her brain wonder about the anon card. However, when the next morning came and Clarke was stuck in the line to get her usual coffee order, she opened her wallet, only to find a white note patiently waiting to be examined.
Upon further inspection, with the line obviously not moving an inch, Clarke had concluded it couldn’t have been anyone of her friends - she knew their handwriting so well to immediately tell. Then it was time to go through the list of potential suspects, the only people who knew about the engagement were members of her family and her closest friends. She still didn’t have the time to announce it at work.
So, excluding her friends and her mom (since she also knew her handwriting, having faked it in high school so many times…), there were only members of her family who could’ve done it. Her aunts, uncles and cousins… but what motive would they have for writing such a note? She couldn’t tell.
To think it was someone from Finn’s family would’ve been stupid, since she knew he was a foster kid and wasn’t in contact with his foster family at all. Also, he didn’t have any close friends to share the news with, as far as she knew.
The situation Clarke had found herself in that morning started to bother her more than her coffee could cure. The headache she was getting from only thinking about this was affecting her current happy mood and she didn’t need that right now, especially because she was about to share the big news with her coworkers at the school.
Taking a big sip of the hot coffee she had finally gotten, Clarke tried to relax as she was getting closer to the school’s employee entrance. It was just another normal day, excluding her announcement. People were going to continue doing about their business, as per usual. There is nothing to worry about, Clarke thought to herself trying to calm down her anxiety.
The plan was for her to announce it before homeroom started, but of course, she had chickened out last minute and left it for the lunch break. She told herself it was better to do it on a full stomach… So, when the lunch time came, Clarke just quietly stood up and went to the front of the teachers’ break room.
“Khm khm…” she tried to get their attention by clearing her throat, but it wasn’t working.
“Dear colleagues, Miss Griffin obviously has something important to say.”, a voice came to her rescue.
Apparently the only person in the room who had noticed her was Bellamy, the school’s history teacher and her friend Octavia’s brother. Also, the person she disliked the most in her workplace… for personal reasons…
A few years back she and Bellamy had gone out one time, when he finally found the balls to ask her on a date after a lot of awkward flirting and exchanging looks. Clarke had actually thought the date itself went pretty well, once they’ve gotten over the first few nervous minutes. However, after the whole weekend of not calling her or texting, on Monday she was pretty damn disappointed to see Bellamy acting like nothing had happened at all. After that, the whole subject had become kind of a sore spot for her, hence the passive aggressive comments she usually threw his way, or the often annoyed eye rolls.
Fortunately for her, today he was actually playing nice, without any snarky comebacks of his own. With Bellamy silencing the room enough for her to talk, Clarke finally got the chance to say what she had planned.
“Hello everyone, I won’t take up much of your time, but I just wanted to tell you all that … well… I’m getting married, so you should all expect wedding invitations very soon!”
Saying it out loud, in front of everyone like that just made her realise what she had gotten herself into. Still, the feeling in her stomach, even though it was threatening to be anxiety, actually turned out as excitement. Clarke never knew she was a big fan of weddings, until Finn proposed and the whole thing just played out beautifully in her head.
With that out of the way, Clarke let herself enjoy all the congratulations her coworkers were offering her. Mostly everyone seemed happy for her, the sincerity in their voices suggested so. Of course, there were those who sported a bit of jealousy and some bitterness, but it wasn’t anything Clarke couldn’t handle. Also, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary or worth writing that note for.
Clarke was a problem solver, so this mystery kept bugging her the whole day. And the day after that… and the day after that… all the way through the week. Finally came Saturday and some light was shed on the situation by none other than her friends. (Clarke was really wondering why the Hell she didn’t tell them about this earlier)
It was Raven who pointed out that it might have actually been someone from Clarke’s group of friend. Wells. Raven reminded her that, once upon a time, he had been in love with Clarke and some of the girls thought that he still didn’t quite get over her.
At first this theory seemed impossible to Clarke, knowing that his crush was over a really, really long time ago… Still, considering she didn’t have any more ideas about who it might have been, Clarke didn’t have a choice but to think about Raven’s crazy suggestion.
He was the only one with a possible motive, even if, in Clarke’s mind it was a really far fetched theory. However, it did leave her questioning every single time they hung out or went out… their whole friendship, really. No matter how much she didn’t want to believe it to be true, Clarke was panicking - her mind overthinking everything. She hated when her brain did that, but there was no way for her to stop once it had already started.
“Guys, what do you think I should do?” Clarke was on the verge of tears, hoping her friends would have some good advice.
“Look, I know you and Wells have a special relationship and honestly, that’s why I think you have that freedom to ask him…” Octavia tried to find the most helpful and yet reasonable solution.
Everyone agreed that Clarke should talk to him and figure this out, but she still wasn’t convinced. There were two possible outcomes to that conversation: first, it’s true and Clarke doesn’t feel the same and it ruins their friendship forever and then second, it isn’t true and Wells gets mad at her for accusing him of something like that and never speaks to her again.
And honestly, Clarke didn’t know which of the two was worse.
She rang the doorbell before she had the chance to chicken out. She was clutching the note in her hand, buried in her left pocket. Clarke needed to know what this meant. After a few painful seconds the doors had finally opened and then it was time for the truth.
Wells was surprised, yet happy to see her. He hugged her and let her in, totally oblivious of the grim look on her face. Only when she refused to sit down on her favourite chair did he notice something was wrong.
“Clarke, spit it out… What happened?” He took her hands in his, but she quickly pulled them back. Now Wells was even more confused, not knowing if he had done something wrong.
“Wells, we need to talk about this.” Clarke tried to sound as calm as she could, taking out the note from her pocket and handing it to him.
“Don’t ma-… Clarke what is this?” Wells sounded genuinely surprised when he read what was written. That made Clarke breathe a little better.
“I don’t know who wrote it. I need to find out…” She didn’t know how to tell him he was a suspect, but Wells figured it out by the tone of her voice.
“Clarke, you know I would never… I am so happy for you and whatever reason you think I would have for writing this… you’re wrong.” He took her hands in his again, looking her in the eyes the whole time he was speaking. Wells couldn’t lie to save his life, so she knew she had made a mistake.
“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry Wells… It’s just that, you were the only one besides my friends who knew and I just… I really don’t know what I was thinking, I just needed to find out who and why they wrote this.” Clarke leaned in for a hug, not able to contain her tears anymore. This note was eating away at her the whole week and she didn’t know what it meant.
Being a good friend that he is, Wells had made her a camomile tea and gave her some time to recollect herself. Then, although it was a sensitive topic, he knew he had to ask.
“Tell me Clarke, but for real now… why does it bother you so much? I mean, if you know Finn’s the one, you shouldn’t pay so much attention at a stupid note some jealous person probably left just to hurt you.”
She knew he was right. But still, it made her question what exactly she was feeling and why it hurt so much to read that note. In the end, Clarke figured out she knew the answer from the start.
“It’s because I’m actually not so sure. I love him Wells, at least I think I do… But marriage… I don’t know if that’s something for me.” For the first time in a long time, Clarke allowed herself to be honest about her feelings.
“Look, I won’t tell you what to do, but I think maybe you should talk with Finn about this. He deserves to know Clarke…” Wells didn’t know how else to help her, except to advise honesty and pray to God it would turn out okay.
Clarke tried to tell Finn that night when she came home. She really did try, but she couldn’t bring herself to actually do it.
“I’ll talk to him in the morning” she told herself that Saturday night. But then tomorrow came and she delayed the morning talk to night. And then night came and she delayed it to Monday morning. But unfortunately, Finn had gone to work before she could catch him for a chat.
Clarke wasn’t feeling like herself the whole day at work, but tried to hide and be as professional as she could - the workplace and the classroom definitely weren’t the right place to think about personal problems. However, Clarke had forgotten that there was someone there who could tell something was off.
“Are you okay?” Bellamy’s voice sounded way more concerned than he had wanted, but still he had to ask. She was acting weird all day and he just wanted to make sure she was alright.
“I’m fine Bellamy.” She was annoyed and had just snapped without reason. He was actually being nice to her while she was having a bad day and instead of her being glad for that, she just got even more mad.
Bellamy knew the two of them didn’t really have a good relationship ever since their date once upon a time. But, he didn’t want to be a dick to her, she was still the smart, beautiful and kind woman he liked in the first place. The main reason he cut off their thing before it even started was because of his sister… Octavia’s one rule was to NEVER ever date one of her friends - and she considered Clarke as one of her best. So, being the good brother that he always was, he didn’t want to ruin that if he and Clarke didn’t work out.
Although he knew that had hurt Clarke, it had to be done before anything else could develop between them. But, as a result of that, Clarke just couldn’t stand him. Even though that made him feel like shit, he couldn’t be angry since he was at fault.
However, today he saw her totally out of her element. She was quiet and thoughtful and had barely touched her lunch and … she just seemed so sad… Bellamy couldn’t let her be like that the whole day, so he had to do at least something to help.
“Clarke, I know you hate me, but I still do know you… and right now I know something is bothering you, so if you want to talk I’m here.” He put aside his pride and ego and let her know she could always count on him, no matter what had happened between them in the past and no matter the silly frenemies relationship they had going on.
Upon hearing him say that her anger had kind of slipped a little bit. She was kind of regretting being rude to him when apparently all he had were good intentions. And honestly, she was appreciating this man so much right now… Because, in the end, he was actually a pretty good guy (excluding their history)…
“Since I’m kinda out of ideas here, I might as well tell you… So… the thing is, last Sunday I have received a note saying I shouldn’t marry Finn. And I have absolutely no idea who had sent it nor why… I just want to figure this out Bellamy…” She sounded so tired, like she was about to give up, but what she had heard next shocked her to say the least.
“It was me. I sent it.” Clear and simple, Bellamy had just admitted to doing something so horrible that he wasn’t sure she was ever going to forgive him.
“W-why would you do that? What kind of a sick, jealous, evil person are you?” Her tone of voice went a little bit out of control, even though the teachers’ lounge was empty at the moment.
“Clarke just please let me explain.” He put his hands together like he was begging, but she was so disgusted by him. Still, Clarke was torn because she did want to hear the reason behind the note, even though it was getting harder and harder to be in his presence.
“You have sixty seconds and it better be a good one Bellamy because I don’t know how to process this…” Her voice was now starting to tremble and she hated being so hurt by his actions.
“Just… it’s better if you see for yourself.”
He took out his phone and turned the screen to show her something. It was Finn. She could tell by his hair and the jacket that he was wearing, that she helped him choose… But in the picture he wasn’t alone… His mouth was actually kissing another woman. Clarke couldn’t tell who the girl was, but in the end it didn’t really matter.
What mattered was, Finn had betrayed her. And no matter how mad she currently was at him (and also at Bellamy for not telling her earlier), she was mostly angry at herself. Yes. She should’ve known. In the last couple of months Clarke had started to feel something was off in their relationship, but she had written it off like it was her getting cold feet or something. She always thought it was her own insecurities that made their relationship feel unnatural, but apparently it was the fact that her fiancé had shamelessly cheated on her.
“I’m such an idiot.” Clarke had barely managed to mutter.
She was trying her best not cry in front of Bellamy, but the wave of hurt just hit her like a tsunami. The tears came uninvited and Clarke wasn’t the only one freaking about them… Bellamy was scared shitless.
He was scared because he knew this girl for years… This was the same Clarke who didn’t cry when she broke her leg, Clarke who doesn’t cry when she watches The Fox and the Hound, who didn’t cry at her father’s funeral (at least not in front of people). Come on, it was Clarke! She was the calmest, most collected and cold blooded person he knew.
It’s not like he hadn’t seen her break up before - he was there for most of her relationships… and their endings… Still, no matter how she liked or dare he say loved the person, Clarke always managed to stay clear headed when dealing with tough things.
That’s why this had thrown him off so much. And yet… in that moment she seemed like the strongest, most amazing person he had ever met. Because that was the first time ever that she had shown how human she actually was. The vulnerability had helped him see through that facade she kept on, barely letting it down even for her closest friends.
Damn her, she was more beautiful than ever…
Before he had the chance to do or say something stupid, Bellamy remembered that this wasn’t about him. It was about HER. Her thoughts and feelings were the only things that mattered now and she needed comfort more than she needed someone to admire her.
“No Clarke, this is absolutely not on you. Do you hear me? Finn is an asshole and it has nothing, nothing to do with you.” Bellamy wanted to convince her, but he felt like there was no point at the moment… the disappointment and betrayal were still too fresh.
He didn’t know how to act, but the truth had to come out before Clarke made that big mistake… She was standing right next to him and Bellamy was contemplating if he should give her a hug. They weren’t exactly friends, plus he just told her the worst possible news… However, all his doubts were chased away by a quiet sniffle. All reason left his body and without control his arms just went around her, crushing her between them.
Clarke leaned into the hug, thankful that she didn’t have to ask for it herself. She hated being hurt and vulnerable, especially in front of someone who wasn’t really a close friend or family. Despite their kind of complicated non existent relationship, Clarke felt so at home in his hug. She had a feeling that if he just never let her go that maybe everything would be okay again.
But, no matter how much both of them wanted to stay like that forever, it wasn’t possible (nor recommended in the workplace…). Clarke missed his touch the moment he let go, but she was a big girl and they were at school. There was time to fall apart later.
“I think you should take the day off. I can say you had a family emergency…” Bellamy was nice to suggest and for once in her life, Clarke had agreed with him.
“Thanks Bellamy.” She meant it.
“Thanks? God Clarke, I just showed you… that… Please don’t thank me for that because I’m gonna feel even worse than I already do.” Bellamy felt guilty for bursting her perfect happy bubble.
“You just saved me from making the biggest mistake of my life. Even though it stings a bit right now, telling me was the right thing to do Bellamy. You always do the right thing.” She put her hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing while looking into his eyes. In that moment Bellamy would have done anything for that woman.
He put his hand on top of hers. Only a glance was exchanged and they both understood each other, felt each other. Both knew it wasn’t the right time to feel some things, but… it was too intense to ignore.
Not now. Maybe someday.
Bellamy and Clarke were just two platonic friends who weren’t in a romantic relationship. Yet.