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It was a quiet night in, save for the occasional siren from an ambulance or cop car in the distance from their apartment; the city’s warm glow from the lights shined through the open blinds, bars of dusky orange lay at angles and broken on the walls of the bedroom. A body stirred underneath the bed sheets, giving a low grumble - an episode of sleeplessness clung to them, cursing internally as they pulled back the cover on their side and laid on their back, staring up at the ceiling with a disappointed stare.
“Spengler, you awake?” Ray asked as he was having trouble sleeping.
“Always,” answered the other body in bed next to him.
“This week has been erratic my body doesn’t know if it should stay up or sleep,” Stantz mumbled.
“My body is doubling that,” came a grumble. “Maybe we should cuddle or spoon, finding comfort in feeling another embrace and heartbeat tends to calm people into a sleep.”
“I … could actually use that now that you mention it.”
Ray turned his back to Egon, the latter cuddling close behind him; Spengler’s left arm draped over Stantz’s middle, Ray’s hand clasping over Egon’s hand as he brought it up to his heart. He could feel Spengler’s thumb brush against the scar on his chest, a weird numb feeling he couldn’t agree if he liked it or not.
“That feels funny,” Ray quietly noted.
“Should I stop?”
“Maybe … I dunno. Guess it takes a while for the feeling to come back for some guys.”
A brief silence hung between them, in the dim darkness of the room a voice spoke out.
“Did it hurt?”
“In the beginning of recovery, you bet it did,” Ray could remember those first two weeks, the medication helping but there were times he’d try to reach for something and get a sharp pain. “But even through the pain I was happy, once it subsided and I could move around normally, I felt this … chain being broken and I was free. Or the boulder finally being at the top of the hill.”
“Would the boulder be a more correct analogy for your transition?”
Ray’s brows and shoulders shrugged lightly. “I suppose that would be. Makes sense.” He paused briefly, turning to face his partner. “This whole thing was one big boulder. It was nerve wracking and intimidating, coming out. Doing that made it move, then the years of therapy, the testosterone, consultations, everything, pushed that boulder more and more until the annoying freeloaders came off … that final shove … it was liberating.”
Egon had a twinkle in his eyes seeing Ray softly smile. “Then the boulder would represent the negativity trying to push you back down the hill.”
“There were … times when it felt like that. Even if it was a slip from someone close, that boulder started to push back. In a way, it represents my personal struggle to be authentic and truly live as I want, and the dirty stares, the rude comments, the naysayers that tried to bar me from getting consultations and the surgery.” Ray’s eyes lit up. “But it was the greatest feeling ever to see my chest flat truly for the first time, I cried in joy that it happened, it finally happened.” He lightly sniffled, snuggling close to Egon. “It was all worth it. I couldn’t stop smiling for a month I was that happy. Every time I catch myself in the mirror, I can’t help but smile.”
Spengler kissed Ray’s forehead, nuzzling it with his. “I love you, Ray.”
“I love you, too, Iggy,” Ray grinned, lucky to have a partner like Egon. They shared a kiss, Stantz resuming his little spoon position as the pair slowly drifted off to sleep; the city’s muffled hum and the lover’s embrace, both feeling the other’s heartbeats, granted them a decent night’s rest for once.