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It burned.
Len didn’t know if he’d grabbed the handle if he knew how much it would hurt .
His body was moving and was not, was burning but not. Was healing but not.
It was doing everything at once and nothing at all.
His mind was swirling. There were pictures. Thoughts. Feelings. Nothing made sense and then it was like he knew everything .
It was like he was everything and nothing at the same time.
Len didn’t know how long he was or when. Or why for the matter.
He’d died and then he didn’t.
It was exhausting. (And at the same time not. Len was really tired of all this being and not being. He just wanted stability but that didn’t seem to be granted to him.)
All in all, it seemed as if he was floating out of time, space and body.
It was weird. He couldn't name it.
He wasn’t intelligent enough to name those things. Not educated enough.
Yet his lack of this knowledge had never stopped him.
He called the whole Freezing the fuck out because that’s exactly how it felt.
Sometimes he wondered how his friends were fairing.
Friends.
Not only Mick and Lisa.
Not only the Rogues.
He didn’t know when he started to see the crew of the Waverider as his friends.
Gideon.
Barry.
His chest hurt when he thought of the young man.
It was another hurt than he’d had when the Oculus burst into flames, took him with it.
It was a longing that he hadn’t felt for a long time.
He could feel his eyes burning even if they weren’t there anymore.
There was no body.
But there is. You just need to concentrate.
Sometimes the Oculus was talking to him.
I don’t know how.
Let me show you.
It hurt.
Hurt more like when he died .
Muscles, veins, bones, skin. He could feel it melting, could feel it wrapping itself around him, his very being.
It felt like agony and once his mouth and his vocal chords formed, all he could do was scream.
You need to open your eyes.
When had he closed them?
When you passed out.
Ah. Because that made so much sense.
Len didn’t even know when the Oculus had started to talk to him in real sentences. At first it had just been a thrumm in the back of his mind.
Carefully he opened his eyes and stared.
There were colors everywhere. Colors that didn’t even exist. Colors he didn’t even have a name for. Feelings. Pictures.
It’s too much.
He could feel his body breaking apart.
Again.
You need an anchor.
Anchor?
What keeps you going?
A burst of lightning.
Red.
Red leather.
Reinforced tripolymer.
He didn’t know where he knew that from but it was there.
A smile so happy and wide. Radiating sunshine.
Barry.
Barry.
He could hear someone calling his name. It wasn’t the Oculus, wasn’t in his mind but in his ears?
“..en!”
His body suddenly felt cold, not hot anymore. Everything hurt but it was a hurt he knew . Not the foreign body-less hurt he had felt before.
Fingers touched his freezing skin, cradling him towards something unbelievable warm. Soothing.
“You’re here. You’re safe. God. HELP! I need help!”
The words came clearer, louder.
What was happening?
Created a new, old body and traveled in the present.
Which explained nothing.
And everything when he opened his eyes and blinked into the other concerned ones.
Barry’s eyes had never shown that much.
Len could feel electricity charging around him, glowing from the inside.
It was beautiful.
Stunning.
Something wet covered his face and maybe he was crying or maybe both of them where.
He didn’t know.
He would find out.
Until then, he would close his eyes and lean into the touch of the person that had brought him back.
Hazelnut green eyes that had followed him through the explosion.
Soft hands that were touching him.
Grounding him.
The feeling of chapped lips on his forehead.
The sizzle of electricity.
The love of a cherished person.
His anchor.
Barry Allen