Chapter Text
The first thing he noticed was an annoying buzzing. Almost like static.
And it wasn't stopping.
If anything it was getting louder.
"Erg Friday shut off the TV, alarm, whatever that is!" Tony grumbled, wanting to get back to sleep.
"Boss? Is that you?" Friday exclaimed, sounding surprised yet hesitant.
"What do you mean is that me? Who else would it be?" Tony snarked.
"...."
"Friday?" Tony asked, now more concerned then he was a moment ago.
Clearly there was something wrong.
"...My systems indicate brain activity that would suggest you are awake however you are still unconscious" Friday stated, sounding baffled.
"What?!" Tony exclaimed.
"You are speaking to me through the servers Boss" Friday elaborated.
"That's impossible!" Tony retorted, starting to panic.
Distantly he heard voices.
"What happened?!"
That no nonsense tone was definitely Pepper.
"We're not sure Ma'am"
"Heart rates don't spike like that for no reason"
Honeybear.
"It could be that he's waking up"
Waking up.
Waking up?
From what?
Had he been hurt recently?
What was the last thing he remembered?
"Or having a nightmare. God only knows what happened in Siberia"
Siberia.
Pain. Blood. Death. Lies. Steve. His Mom. God his Mom.
"His heart rate is spiking again!"
"What the hell is wrong with the electrical system in this place?!"
"Doctor the machines are going haywire!"
So it turns out that the injuries he'd compiled from the airport fiasco and his fight with Barnes and Noble had left him near death.
Since Rhodey had been in surgery himself, Pepper had made the call to inject him with the version of Extremis that he'd stabilized and used for his arc reactor removal surgery.
Only instead of keeping it concentrated in his chest cavity Helen and Wu monitored him while it fully integrated with his DNA.
The problem?
Well that depends on how you define problem.
Helen tweaking the serum's regenerative potential resulting in him physically de-aging to his twenty-three year old self?
Fine. His back and chest never felt better and the flexibility of his younger years was a boon (eyebrow waggle implied here).
The only minor headache was having to wear a photostatic veil whenever he went out in public.
But to be fair he put on a “mask” every time he left the sanctity of his lab so it was more like a formality anyway.
The serum re-writing the function of his micro-repeaters into his DNA?
Technopathic tech genius.
Enough said.
Other than the brief initial personal internal queries (read: crisis) into the level of his humanity, he made peace with all that.
Secretary Ross trying to kidnap him for experimentation?
Gave Murdock enough damning information to see that he was buried deeper than the Abomination.
So his problem?
Two words: Wanda Maximoff.
Shocker he knows. But it’s not what you think.
And really, Tony seriously wanted to know who he pissed off in a past life to deserve this shit.
He was the world's punching bag.
He knew this.
It was a fact of life right up there with Murphy’s Law.
But this? This?!
This was some next level shit he couldn't even begin to fathom.
What was this so called epic level bullshit you ask?
Well that's an... interesting story.
And by interesting he means fucked up.