Archive of Our Own

I had always watched them together. They said that if we three are together, we would reflect a triplet.

They can't be wrong. If, really, those two were my brothers, then we would ensemble a  triplet. But I'm glad we aren't. 

I watched them grow the love they had for each other. From those shy glances, innocent smiles, timid touchesㅡ everyone was watching except them, including me. I expected it to flourish, that love, but I never knew that such lovely gaze awaits change. 

Change in which I was not the only one included.. but everyone of us. 

[Jimin]

"Hey let me get--" Jeongguk has started offering to carry both buckets alone but Taehyung cuts him to it, "that." Taehyung looks down between them, and again between Jeongguk's parted leg where his step had paused. The younger looks down at his closed zip, certain that it is locked until everything clicks. 

"Later night babe." Taehyung then winks, grinning at those shy cheeks as he walks ahead, leaving a cautious Jeongguk to follow him. 

Jimin's been watching everything, and all he can do is shake his head at the scene. Should be getting used to it by now. Used to be happy about seeing it actually. 

Taehyung has always been the flirty type while Jeonggukㅡ he's shy but blatant, and if you put those things together it just doesn't add up. 

How was he supposed to act? Like it doesn't hurt seeing them like this?

 
It's been a month and it seems like he's been mastering stocking lies upon lies instead of the knives Yoongi told him to do. He's still stuttering, tongue tiedㅡ and he squeaks like a surprised mice to cover up mistakes he didn't intend to tell, and he still.. hurts, every damn fucking time. 

For whatever reason why it had to happen like this- it should've been me. Why not me? Why Jeongguk and not me? 

He's going deep inside his head again, taking shit to his own hands when no one is at fault, but what can a mere human do like himself? If he can't blame anybody, if he can't be angry at anybody-- then how is he supposed to let it all out? 

Namjoon said it was supposed to happen for they were only humans, feels feelings to survive, instincts to thrive, and relationships forㅡ whatever. 

At the bottom of his heart, he knows he loves Taehyung more than anything else right now. 

It should've been him standing on Jeongguk's feet then. If it weren't for how stupid he is, if he could just say it,  'maybe I wasㅡ' 

"I know that look Park." Jimin snaps out of his head, water sloshing down his feet at his halt, "Stop thinking too much about it," continues Yoongi, notes the use of his last name at the seemingly serious matter. 

"It's better if he doesn't know." Yoongi shoots a knife, deadly accurate as it hits the red dot by the tree,  his eyes trained to the younger as he does so. 

"Get ready, we're going before sunsent said Namjoon." 

So he nods, bringing the bucket to their truck, hearing his hyung snicker an amusement when he saw his target probably dead if alive. 

[Yoongi]

Namjoon had ordered to keep it shut. It hasn't been much tense around since it has been long, feels almost natural. How long has it been? A month? 

Until when do we have to keep up?

"Until we reach the border." That's what Namjoon said. 

Nobody knew what to do, not when you feel like losing everything. You stare up ahead and ask yourself, 'in what part did i do wrong?' 

They're mostly the life of our little family. Something we built 'cause we lost each of our own. The virus ate it all up, but at least we found each other. 

"Jeongguk-ah~ cuddle me after dinner!" He hears Taehyung call out for the younger, so Yoongi retorts back with, "How bossy-" 

Taehyung answers with a laugh, Jeongguk joining him. He hears a whining 'please~' before Jeongguk just nods to the other's whims.

He would see them hugging. Close and every time closer.

Yoongi can never paint it the way the youngest of them does but he tries. 

Happy he tries. 

Just tries. Because how can he when he never felt happiness on his own?

His eyes travel, looking for that happiness, only to find the look on Jimin's face earlier.. 

Jimin's doing it again.

[Namjoon] 

Six months. If my calculations are correct it has been six months. They never knew the cause, ratㅡ a bat, it grew and grew, so rapid that nobody knew how to stop it. 

The virus never stopped, not yesterday nor today. 

I don't think it will tomorrow. 

It's contagious through touch, luckily not through water nor food, but anything living is affected. 

Those who are weak bled to death, those who aren't, fought, the virus eating their flesh and affecting their head to eat, eat and eat. 

Everything that they see, they eat. 

So we run. 

Run until there's no more way to go.  

The radio we had has been our only source of connection. We're heading to the borders, following only the coordinates I learned from the books in my university.  

Read them on accident? Maybe it was meant to be.

There's no turning back now. No matter what we lose, we'll move forward. That's a promise each one of us made. 

Even if I would want to break it, I have to not. 

"Tae can youㅡ" 

"Jeongguk-ah sing for me." This kid never really listens. It's always Jeongguk this and Jeongguk that. 

Namjoon sighs at this, knowing he will never get Taehyung's attention for himself, not when all he can see is Jeongguk. 

He hears Jeongguk sing. 

At least he tries to sing. 

It's been long since the kid sang for them, and he guess he misses it too. 

Just like how Yoongi knows, I knew too. I would always watch them from afar, but with how the light is cascading to me right now, I saw myself, a remorse reflected in Jimin's eyes. 

We had a fight yesterday. Me and Yoongi. Said he saw Jimin breaking. There was almost a lift of fists. We kept it to ourselves but I've let him shout it all out. 

"We have to tell himㅡ" 

I know that they want to tell Taehyung but we need to wait a little bit more.

We formed a team. They assigned me to be the leader of our own little pack. They said I always knew what to do. That I was always calm. 

"We won't." My tone was final.

There's a mess under my skin. Akin to a volcano under the sea. All they see is the surface when in the hollows there's the real me, waiting, and waiting.

"Hold Jimin's hand for tomorrow. Don't let it go." I barked a gentle order.

Being with them for years.. if I can't trust myself then I will trust them. Jimin can make it. Just another day. One last day. 

"Why the fuck would I need to do that?" Yoongi had snarled.

I know he's just worried. They have been worried. Aren't I too? 

"Because if you'll know that you can't hold it anymore by tomorrow, you'll hold it now."

"..and you won't ever let it go." 

I  left him to think about it. I'm the leader of my pack and we can make it. 

[Jin]

The supplies have been running out. I need to tell Namjoon for a crash soon. I hope there's a near convenience store as we travel to the border tomorrow. 

We're getting ready for bed, I am certain it's Yoongi for tonight or maybe Hoseok. It depends. They never see it coming anyways. 

If he could say his own observations, he would say it'll be the same. Yes it is the same. At least they try to be the same.  

'Until we reach the border' he hears Namjoon's voice. And he keeps his hopes up.

He had his fair share of sniffles and swelling eyes. Secretive glances and forced smiles. 
Taehyung had asked him why but then he saw Jeongguk with the same condition. The youngest opts saying he just misses Taehyung, and then Taehyung seems to believe it. 

It would always amaze me how those two work. They run to each other with such unscarred honesty and never with a doubt. 

He wish he could do the same and not fake his own. 

Each of them has been strong, that he knows. One more day, tomorrow, and they can rest finally. Soon enough, safe and sound. 

There's a rustle by his far left, he hears Hoseok's voice, soft and gentle. He's talking like he knows so. 
 
Rustle. Taehyung whispers something inaudible, and then some footsteps. A peck. 

"D'night Jeonggukie. Hyungs." 

I smiled and closed my eyes. 

It is all the same and Jin's still faking it.

He dreams of that day, Namjoon was saying it is possible to miss somebody you already have beside you. Just like how Jeongguk said so with Taehyung beside him. 

Because a human's love cannot be stopped by great distance. And if that great distance is to not having space at all, why are you not allowed to miss? 

'It'll always be subjective.'

They laughed it off because they did not caught it. But when Namjoon said,

'Doesn't it feel more real when you're still looking for something you already found? At the end of the day when you lose itㅡ you'll know where to look.'

'And if it's not there, it will find you.' 

Namjoon was certain but I am not. 

For there's something missing and it will never find us. 

[Hoseok]

I woke up to Taehyung screeching, he sounded excited. Jimin joins Taehyung to it, saying it is 'D-day'.

It is. At last. Just another day. Today. Everything ends here. Everything. 
Including this. 

Reviewing their eyes i know they're almost relieved, Namjoon, Yoongi, Jin, Jiminㅡ me. Taehyung all looks happy, jumping to the still sleepy Jeongguk by the bed. 

"Come on up! You have to eat breakfast before we go." Taehyung exclaimed with much enthusiasm for a morning. 

I nod to that. Because I'm hoping we don't encounter them today. The Eaters. 

It's been two days since we did. We barely do because like most of the news said months ago, most people died, leaving half the population to panic, one fourth to fight against it and turn to something they would never wish to be. 

It has been a blur, I never much remember anything, from how fast it went, all i knew is we just ran and ran. 

I never got ahold of my family, but we, all of us here are still hoping that maybe we could meet them by the borders. 

Taehyung delivers Jeongguk a peck, the second one from last night. Suddenly i feel more awake, the others are looking away but never disgusted. Neither do I. I would always support them.

There's a tingling feeling on my lips like last night, a smile threatening to split my lips for how wide they are. 

I did always support them. 

Jimin can breathe soon. 

[Taehyung]

It's far noon. Judging from the subsiding heat, maybe around 3pm. We're heading to the borders, finally. 

Jin-hyung said we should stop by a convenience store if there will be any, or a market if we would be lucky. No Eaters will be luckier. 

It took an hour and a half before we saw one. A supermarket, quite big but run down. Looks like it would collapse if you bare a cough. 

We split by partners. As always I would be with Jimin. No one would be alone anymore.

We stick to the plan, take what's needed, give signals when we have unwanted company. 

I would always worry for Jeongguk going alone. This time I won't.. There's nothing to worry about. We would always worry for each other. But in order for everything to work, we must be a team. Just like always. 

When we have found the store empty of Eaters, we proceeded.

"Hey Tae I'll just check the next aisle." Jimin gave him a tap on the shoulder, while Taehyung check the can of foods and their expiration dates. 

Taehyung hums under his breath to suffice for the silent noise. Keeps his eyes busy double checking the dates. He doesn't want anyone's stomach at risk by dinner. 

He's wondering what the others are taking this time. What will Jeongguk get ifㅡ

A shadow appears beside his feet. And he thinks, perhaps the next aisle is nothing of worth. 

"What do you think Jeongguk will get?" 

The basket is almost full from the cans of fruit cocktails. He checks another one but doesn't get an answer.

"Hey Chim whatㅡ" he tries again just as he turns. Doesn't breathe as he takes a hesitant step, his back almost hitting the rack behind him. 

"Jeongguk." 

"Yeah?" He hears Jimin reply, can see Jimin's back through the gap of cans by the next aisle. 

There's no doubt, this is- "J-Jeongguk.." 

Taehyung knows he's reaching for his gun. 

"Petal what's wrong?" He hears Jimin say again, this time walking back to where Taehyung is. 

There's a halt somewhere. Then a deafening whistle. 

There's a hand grabbing Jimin's arm before he can run to Taehyung. 

"Shoot him Taehyung! Shoot himㅡ"

The cans have now rolled though the floor, gunshots are exchanged with growls, echoes refracting from four mirroring walls around them. 

"Fuck we're outnumberedㅡ" 

"Focus on the head!"

He doesn't know who's who anymore.

"Tae shoot him! Shoot now!" 

'Because if you'll know that you can't hold it anymore by tomorrㅡ'

"Taehyung!" 

Who's talking? Who's there?

'At the end of the day when you lose itㅡ'

"Don't waste a bullet!"

Shut up. 

'ㅡ`you won't ever let it go.'

Stop.

'you'll know where to look.'

He knows his hand is shaking. His gun threatening to fall. 

"Fuck give me more amoㅡ"

Shut up! Don't talk! 

He's looking between Jeong-- kissing 
Hoseo/ㅡ cuddling Yoongnamjoonsingin>J-#eongguHoseo- Jimiㅡ¶¢ Yoongㅡ 

'Shoot me.' He hears Jeongguk say. 

There's a flash in Taehyung's eyes and he sees them on the bed. He doesn't feel his finger pulling the trigger. His head on Jeongguk's chest as the younger says, 'Promise me.'

'ㅡif it's not there, it will find you.'

"Shoot him Taehyung! Now!" 

He doesn't hear his scream, broken and grieving. 

Shut the fuck up!

"You're not Jeongguk anymore!" 

A gun shot. Then another one. 

'I won't be Jeongguk anymore.'

Two. 

"You lied to me!"

Three. 

"You said you won't ever leave! You promised me! You said you won'tㅡ" 

Four. Five. Six gun shots from Taehyung's hand.

Then he's sobbing after a thump. There's another thump from his own knees, hitting the floor after Jeongguk's body. 

He knows he's shaking. He knows he's crying. 

The fire of gunshots have stopped long ago, the others silently watching him. 

"Are you proud of me now huh?" 

There's a growl, but now coming from his throat. He raises his hand again. 

"Fucking Seven!"

Then the last bullet piercing through Jeongguk's head. 

Eight. 

They leave as Namjoon announces they might attract more unnecessary attention, his eyes red reamed but a tear never spilled. 

He knew he did not weep alone because it will never need a tear for it to be a cry.  

"I made you promise me the same as you made me promise you.." 

Eight gunshots.

'Here flower, shoot 'em by the head. That's immediate death.'

I love you. Is what left unsaid. 

(Jeongguk)

"Say Tae, would you promise me something?"

He's been thinking about it for a week now. If something unexpected would happen, he knows the hyungs will take on the plan.

He's doubting Taehyung. 

"As long as i get something in return." 

Taehyung always does that with his eyebrows when he wants something. 

Something naughty. 

He laughs, hugging Taehyung closer as he tickles his sides. Taehyung laughs too, his boxy grin on display, Jeongguk reflecting the same smile. 

"I'm serious hyung, hear me out." 

"Me first. Promise me you won't ever leave."

Jeongguk blinks. Not really sure where this talk is going. 

"Why would i leave?"

"You know what i mean." 

Taehyung hides then, under his chin, nuzzling his neck. His fingers slowly clutching Jeongguk's shirt. 

"I won't flower. I promise to be careful okay?" 

His eyes closes as he kisses Taehyung's forehead. Knows that he made him scared. But this is reality now, if that day happens, he needs Taehyung safe. Even from himself. 

"Petal.. promise me you'll shoot me." 

He can feel Taehyung stiffen beside him. His knuckles turning white from gripping too hard on Jeongguk's shirt. 

"What if I turn to one, would you shoot me?" Taehyung shoots back the question. It's mumbled but he heard them clearly. 

"It's not my Taehyung anymore." 

His eyes waters. Same as Taehyung's own but he doesn't know that. 

"I won't be Jeongguk anymore."

They don't show each other how they cry just by thinking about it. 

Because at what part will you make a wrong move and lose everything? 

"Jimin would shoot you." Taehyung tries to make them feel lighter.

No one will know.

"Taehyung promise me."

No one knew.

He hears Taehyung whisper. 'I promise Jeonggukie.'

"Eight times. I won't understand you anymore, so shoot me eight times." 

Taehyung nods, showing he understands just as he tries to fight another wave of tears. Chooses to choke on it as he kept quiet. 

"By then, I cannot say it anymore. So always remember. I love you." 

They fall asleep with a promise. Sealed with trembling lips. 

A promise they wouldn't know, will be kept. 

                   ☽☾ ☽☾ ☽☾ ᴇɴᴅ ☽☾ ☽☾ ☽☾

(𝚂 𝚎 𝚟 𝚎 𝚗)

They never saw a day where they wouldn't be Seven. But here, around the fire, they must accept that they're only Six. 

"I always knew." They turn to listen to Taehyung, beating them to the revelation they've been waiting to tell for a month now. 

"But you were good actors just as me." 

He doesn't choke anymore. He doesn't sob. 

"You won't need to hide now, neither would I. I would just cry if I miss him so.."

"ㅡyou won't have to worry about me calling his name in you anymore." 

Taehyung doesn't know who he is talking to but he's positive they'll get it.

"You wouldn't need to be him anymore.. all of you." 

One last doubt. 

"Seeing you hurt like I did everyday.."

His voice doesn't break anymore, like it doesn't when he calls his name. 

"I wanted everything to be normal again. S'why I did that.."

He learned how to be quiet, putting on the smile Jeongguk loved everyday. Pretending to grin so wide like he didn't lose something so important. He doesn't make a sound.. because he knows Jeongguk's nose will hear his pain.  

He had always teased him about his cute big nose.. he.. he would always tease him back because they both have big noses.. 

He laughs at this. 

Laughter that were supposed to be grief, choked up sobs, tearless eyes... 

He laughs for that space he left behind, because that ugly cackle will never be heard again.

But how can he be happy if the seventh laugh is missing? He fills it up with his own, so he can be-- 

He laughs because he misses his fucking laugh. 

".. faking hallucinations." 

He wish he did have that. Hallucinations. A chance to see him one last time.. although it would never be the same. 

"I won't kiss Hobi-hyung anymore, I won't make Namjoonie-hyung sing, I won't ask to be cuddled by Yoongi-hyung, you won't hear me kissing anyone anymore Jinie-hyung--" there's a sob caught in his throat but he fights for his voice, the voice he almost lost when he lost him.

"And Chim.. you don't have to blame yourself anymore, Jeongguk would've want you alive Minie.. he would want us alive."

"He'd always pick us over himself."

He's not crying alone. Never alone.. but why does he feel like so?.. 

His tears are continuously raining down his cheeks. Fiveㅡ instead of six.

Five pair of eyes doing the same as his, crying and staring through the fire before them, as if they would see him there if they try hard enough. 

"Remember what Jeongguk said?"

They were around the fire too, same as this night but less of the team. 

They felt safe because they had each other then, seven of them. But inside these walls they are now safe, not seven, but safe. 

One safety. Two safety. Three-- he would always say if he was hereㅡ Jeongguk would say that.  

If he could just.. smile one last time. 

They won't hear nor feel him anytime soon, but they do keep him somewhere inside their still beating hearts. 

"I've been with you guys since I'm what-- I don't know. Basically you raised me and i can see each one of you in me.. so thank you hyungsㅡ"

Because as much as Jeongguk is made of them, a part of them will always be a piece of him.

 "...for raising me, your Jeon Jeongguk."