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This was not where he ever imagined he’d be.
Max sighed as he turned his head to see his friend snoring softly on the bed next to him. At least now Kaan was rid of those frown lines that seemed permanently etched on his forehead nowadays.
The little blonde gently stroked Kaan’s hair and trailed his fingers across the smooth forehead.
“Stop thinking so hard Max.” Kaan groaned out, his dark brown eyes squinting up at Max.
There was a beat of silence before Kaan sighed and his face softened to one of sympathy. He opened his arms and the blonde pressed his body against Kaan’s sleep warm one, grateful that he didn’t need to say anything.
He felt the older boy plant a kiss on the top of his head and whisper something sweet in Turkish to him before settling back to sleep.
Max buried his face in the brunette’s shoulder and tried not to think of another brunette he wished was here instead. Why couldn’t he be in love with Kaan instead.
--
It wasn’t something either of them expected.
Then again most things in their short lives weren’t exactly expected.
--
The door slammed shut and Max winced as he saw it rattle a bit before his attention was drawn to the fuming young man.
“Who the fuck does he think he is? He can’t treat me like a child anymore!”
Max bit his lip and stayed silent. When Kaan was in one of these moods the best thing to do was to let him rant it out of his system.
“Nothing I ever do is fucking good enough! Why can’t I just be good enough?” the last sentence was whispered as he dropped on the couch next to his best friend.
Max’s heart ached at sheer grief dripping from those words. Words he wished he never had to hear from the older boy ever again.
Pulling the trembling body towards his in a tight hug, Max repeated “You are. You’re better than you give yourself credit. You mean alot to him.”
The trembles softened until eventually they were completely gone. Kaan raised his arms to squeeze Max tightly, fervently wishing he didn’t need to hear those words from his lips to feel any sort of comfort.
--
Pain unites people. That’s the truth. And what better pain than heartbreak?
Kaan had known Max for years. The day Max first joined Schalke’s Youth team was the day Kaan decided to become friends with the shy, little blonde who kept nervously gripping the bottom of his shirt.
The same nervous, little blonde who blew them away from the first training and never stopped impressing Kaan.
So after all those years of being friends, Kaan knew exactly when Max had a crush. And his current affections laid with the newbie Leon Goretzka.
Kaan could see why Max was so enraptured by the brunette. He oozed quiet confidence and worked hard. He goofed around with them at training yet knew when to draw the line. Of course those were probably the same qualities that led him to captain the national U17.
Once he asked Max if he crushed on Leon from since then but he got a no in response.
“I knew he was cute and he could do wonders on the field. And he was always so nice to everyone. He was a great captain but I don’t think I started crushing on him until I knew there was a possibility of us being together you know?”
That was when Max first admitted his admiration of the older boy and still had his hopes up. Kaan remembered the sweet smile he had on his face that day and he wished he could that expression of pure happiness on the other’s face again.
Nowadays Max always had an expression of exhaustion. And anyone who spent so much time with Max as Kaan did, would surely understand why he was perpetually down.
Firstly Schalke was going through a poor run. Of course they were no where as bad as Dortmund but still. And the board’s grand decision was to sack Keller and replace him with some idiot who refused to play Max.
And if that wasn’t enough, Leon was acting really cold towards him. During the months he was out injured he was - understandably - upset but after the news that he’d be out for a couple more months, he was super annoyed. Again it was understandable. Which athlete really wants to be sidelined because of injury, especially when his team could use him at the moment? None.
But that didn’t give Leon a free pass to start acting like an ass to his friends, especially Max, who wanted nothing more than to see the older boy back up and running - literally.
And poor Max was torn. He refused to blame Leon for his attitude and instead firmly believed that he’d come around soon enough.
That’s probably why they started doing their thing - Max, the perpetual optimist and Kaan, the pessimist - they balanced each other out.
Of course wasn’t always pessimistic. He just refused to see things other than the way they lined up.
Which is why he never made a big deal over the fact that Benni would never see him as anything more than a friend.
Kaan grew up at Schalke. He was four years old when he first joined. He learnt how to kick a ball while wearing blue and white. There was no one who loved Schalke more than he, no one who wore their crest with more pride than Kaan.
Except Benni. Benedikt Höwedes. Schalke’s captain. Kaan’s idol. The man he watched more than anyone else, dreaming, trying to be just as good, if not better, than him. The man that sometime over the years Kaan fell in love with.
Kaan came to the sudden realisation one day in training. He’d only been in the first team for a handful of months. Definitely not long enough to have known everything about Benni but somehow it felt as if he did.
Benni recognised his passion for Schalke from the start and kept the young defender under his wing, helping him improve and patiently giving him tips.
It was seeing Hunter tease Benni over something in training when the captain blushed and gave a huge grin. It was that moment Kaan realised, with a twist in his gut, that he wanted that expression directed towards him from then on.
And being the person he was, Kaan tried to bury his feelings for his captain. He wasn’t oblivious. He knew Benni would never return his feelings. He was too professional for that and would see it as him taking advantage of a younger teammate.
Besides if what he heard were true then Benni was happily in love with a goalkeeper who had traded his blue and white colours, for red and blue instead.
So Kaan spent his time training and becoming better. He wasn’t stupid but he was only human and if he stored away Benni’s look of pride when he did something the defender considered wonderful, well that was no one’s business but his own.
And if everytime he felt he disappointed his captain, or something reminded him that that was all the other would ever be to him, he had to run to Max before the goddamn tears started flowing, then everyone else could just fuck off.
--
And that’s the sad story as to how they ended up in this situation. Two best friends, wrapped around each other in bed, both wishing the other was someone else.
“I love you Kaan.” Max whispered into Kaan’s neck.
The older boy clenched his eyes shut. “I love you too Max.” he murmured, trying to ignore how empty the words felt leaving his mouth.
Max lifted his head for Kaan to see his bittersweet smile, “Maybe one day we’ll actually mean it yeah?”
Kaan nodded, his smile more of a grimace, “Yeah maybe.”