Work Text:
David checked his reflection one more time in the rearview mirror of his family’s boat of a car before meeting his Grindr hookup. He’d reached a level of desperation that left only apps or The Dude Cave. He couldn’t remember the last time the Wobbly Elm had produced a viable prospect. David was desperate, but not The Dude Cave desperate. At least when meeting someone off an app, he could feign ignorance and flee, but being spotted in The Dude Cave was forever.
Hair perfectly styled, no thanks to Alexis fighting him for bathroom time, and eyebrows tamed, he climbed out of the car and walked toward the bench at the head of the tiny parking lot next to the creek. Obviously a hotel would’ve been his preferred hookup spot as neutral territory, but when one’s family and best friend haunted the only motel in the area, well. Trying times led to trying to get off by the town’s namesake body of water.
The other car in the parking lot of the park next to the creek was a nondescript silver sedan that had seen better years. David assumed that was who he came to meet, but he’d wait for them to approach. The creek looked almost nice in the approaching twilight. The safety conscious part of him wanted to meet while it was still light enough to scope out his surroundings. God, he hoped this guy wouldn’t want to fuck outside with all the bugs. He’d prefer cruising The Dude Cave to fighting off bugs with milky exoskeletons flying too close to his dick. A sharp buzz echoed in his ear, and he swatted at the air.
“The mosquitos will be out soon.”
David whirled around toward the speaker. “Mosquitos?” His voice went higher than CN Tower.
“It’s that time of day. And time of year,” the author of the Farmer’s Almanac said. David took a good look at the man. His topless body shots on Grindr had been hot, but he’d looked really lean in those. In the flesh, the guy looked sturdy and strong. David liked it despite the button-up and cheap jeans that somehow, horrifically, worked on him. His face, though. Yeah, David really liked that. A friendly smile with a teasing twist and wide, dark eyes. The ends of his hair hinted at natural curls. If he let those grow long enough to tug? Mmhm.
He seemed a little shy. Checking David out without, like, checking him out. As though he didn’t want to get busted. Which was weird? Because? Wasn’t that the whole point of a Grindr hookup? It was cute, though. Maybe he was more confident behind a screen. Fair. David hoped he delivered in person even half as well as his texts had promised.
“Maybe we should get inside then.” David executed a well-practiced shoulder shimmy that had charmed royalty on multiple occasions.
The man’s eyebrows pinched together, and he had no right looking so adorable. “Inside?” He looked around them, like David had somehow confused that they were in nature. Ew. Of course this guy would want to fuck outside. David should’ve clocked it by his ugly mountaineering boots. Come on. Mountaineering boots with a button-up? What was he, a park ranger at a forestry conference or something?
“I hope you don’t mind. I’m a lot more fun when I’m not under constant threat of assault by flying assassins.” David jerked a thumb toward his car.
“O-okay.” The guy’s cheeks reddened. He blinked, then chuckled a little. “Of course. You brought it with you and it’s in your car.” He flashed an embarrassed smile, and hell if it wasn’t the most charming thing. If David had come across him in any other setting where the GPS hadn’t already been set to destination: sex, he probably wouldn’t have given him a second look. What a travesty that would be because this guy had a lot working for him underneath the bland impression at first glance.
David couldn’t wait to tear this guy apart.
“Yeah, um, I brought any supplies we might need.” He’d been burned before and always had his own lube and condoms on hand.
The guy’s brows pinched again, and he tilted his head, looking at David like he was a unicorn galloping through a wall of fire or something. “Okay.” He shrugged and followed David back to the car. “I forgot to ask when we were messaging earlier. You’ve tested it for viruses, right?”
David looked down at his body, then back up at the guy. It? “Uh, yeah? It’s all clear. I hope you have to?” Hadn’t they already covered that in their messages? Maybe the guy was nervous and wanting to double check or something.
“Of course, yeah. I take protection very seriously.” David bet he did. He looked like a Boy Scout. He probably had badges for building fires and rescuing cats from trees and making sure his partner always came.
“Now that that’s settled.” He flashed a sly grin over his shoulder. “Is there anything specific you wanted to do, or do you want to see where things go?” David stopped next to the passenger door of his car and leaned seductively against it. He crossed one leg over the other at the ankle to highlight the long lines of his most flattering skinny jeans.
Mr. Button-up’s gaze flashed down David’s legs, then back up to his face so fast David almost didn’t catch it. He looked like he was trying to look respectfully. Sweet and also the weirdest hookup behavior ever. Scratch that. Not as weird as the time he’d woken up covered in latex body paint with his clothes nowhere in sight.
“I guess I thought we’d trade,” the guy said slowly.
David’s mind worked to understand what he meant. “Oh! Like switch? Yeah, I’m totally down for that.” David held the cutie’s eye contact as he tugged his bottom lip between his teeth and smiled in the way he knew deepened his dimples. The guy’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “Do you wanna swap names or keep this anonymous?”
“P-Patrick? Patrick. I’m Patrick.” He sounded more confident by the third time he’d said his name. Bless.
David pushed off the car and stepped into Patrick’s space. “Hi, Patrick. I’m David.” He traced his index finger from Patrick’s shoulder down his arm. Patrick exhaled sharply and swayed toward David. Eager. Good. “You’ve got strong arms.” He gripped Patrick’s bicep and squeezed, smiling to himself when Patrick flexed.
“I like to go to the gym.”
“Mm. I don’t, but I can appreciate the enjoyment others find in it.”
Patrick licked his lips. “You, uh, look like you go to the gym.”
“Thank you. I’ve been blessed with fantastic genetics.” David sensed Patrick might need a little bit of warming up. He should’ve anticipated this might happen. With the slim pickings on Grindr in rural Ontario, Patrick probably hadn’t had a lot of opportunities to practice. Hookups were an art and science.
He stepped closer to Patrick and rested his palms over his shoulders. Patrick looked at him with a desire that almost left David breathless. He paused for a moment to give Patrick the opportunity to react. When Patrick glanced down at David’s lips, David stopped worrying and started acting.
David leaned in and captured Patrick’s lips with his own. Normally he’d try for a bit more banter before getting a hookup going, but something about Patrick’s whole eager innocence really wound him up. Patrick’s mouth stilled for a moment, but then it was like a switch was flipped. He wrapped one arm around David’s waist and his other hand slid up the back of his head. Patrick’s tongue dipped into David’s mouth as he backed David up against the car. Let’s go.
David grew harder with each passing second, and he felt Patrick’s hard dick against his hip. He wasn’t sure how long they stood there making out. The open air around them swallowed up the sounds of their moans as David gently rocked his hips into Patrick’s. After the third buzz by his ear and the tickle on the back of his hand, though, he pulled back and caught his breath.
“Car. In the car.” He swatted at a mosquito daring to leech through his Neil Barrett. He yanked open the back door and practically flung himself across the back seat, turning to make grabby hands at Patrick like some sex-starved clinger with no chill. Which… tracks.
Patrick slid onto the back seat and yanked the door closed behind him. He had his arms back around David in a fraction of a second. David propped himself up against the opposite door, bent one knee against the back of the bench and placed his other foot on the floorboard. Not the most comfortable position for his neck or back, but the perfect way Patrick fit between his legs as he crowded in was worth it. With how hard he already was, he knew it wouldn’t take long.
David wanted to strip every scrap of clothing off Patrick to see what was hiding under the cheap materials, but he didn’t have the room or privacy for that. Public sex wasn’t really his thing, but he could make exceptions for car blowjobs in empty parking lots with seriously hot guys.
When Patrick pressed maddening kisses all over David’s neck and jaw, he reached for the button on Patrick’s jeans. “This okay?” Just because they’d messaged about coming down each other’s throats, metaphorically because David would not compromise on safe sex, David needed the verbal consent.
Patrick lifted his head and looked at David with his enormous eyes, his kiss-swollen lips fell into an O. Patrick looked down at David’s hand, then back up to his face. “Please.” His voice cracked on the word, and David surged forward to kiss him again as he undid the button and pulled down the zipper.
The last time David had been kissed like that had been… Hm. He couldn’t remember. Which, yikes. They’d barely begun, and he already wanted it again and again. Maybe Patrick would be down to hook up regularly. David had the time in his schedule.
He cupped Patrick’s hard cock over his light blue boxer-briefs. There was already a dark mark where he’d leaked pre-come, and fuck. David wanted his mouth on it. Patrick nuzzled David’s ear and groaned as David gripped harder. The raspy sound shot right to his own dick, and he thrust up involuntarily.
The angle was awkward, but David managed to slide his hand inside Patrick’s boxers and give him a stroke. Patrick pressed the heels of his hands into the front of David’s shoulders and arched his back. “Feels s’good.”
“Yeah? You like that?” The unguarded pleasure flashing across Patrick’s face transfixed David. He was so caught up in the way Patrick’s eyes fell closed and his eyebrows lifted on David’s gentle upstroke, that he nearly forgot to breathe.
Patrick began to thrust in David’s hand. “Fuck,” he said, holding the hard K sound. “Your hand is so big.”
“So’s your cock.”
Patrick’s eyes flew open, and his enormous grin caused David’s heart to leap in his throat. David had never met anyone who teased with the same smile that simultaneously looked so fucking happy. “My hand is feeling kind of empty.” Patrick sat back on his heels and looked down at David’s groin.
“Yeah. Yes. Please.” David wasn’t proud of how desperate he sounded, but, hey, he’d met the guy off Grindr. What’s the point in acting coy?
Patrick had his fly open and underwear off his dick in seconds. David’s hand faltered its rhythm as he watched Patrick watch David’s cock. Patrick traced a fingertip along the underside of it, then spread the precome around the head. David bit his lip and focused on calming down. He refused to come before Patrick got a hand on him.
Lube. They needed lube. Reluctantly, he released Patrick’s cock to reach down into the pocket on the back of the passenger seat. He left the condoms alone for now and pulled out a travel bottle of lube. “Here.” He squirted a bit into Patrick’s palm and some into his own.
Patrick wrapped a firm grip around David before he got the lube back in the seat-back pocket and it fell from his fingers. The air grew thick with their panting. He should’ve probably been embarrassed about the rapidly fogging windows, but fuck it. The fog gave them some privacy, anyway.
David felt the familiar tension growing in his gut. He thought about suggesting they move it to the blowjob phase, but that would require donning condoms and the last thing he wanted to do was interrupt Patrick’s sex-drunk expressions.
“God, David. David.” Patrick said his name like a prayer. He looked down at David like he was a gift. David only allowed himself three seconds to enjoy the feeling so he didn’t get attached to it.
“If we had more room, I’d get you naked and make you feel so good.” David adjusted the angle of his strokes.
“Yeah?” Patrick’s hand faltered, and he licked his lips. “What would you do?”
David reached his fingers down as far as it could reach. “I’d get my hands all over you. And my mouth.” Patrick groaned and closed his eyes again. David wanted to lean up and lick the column of Patrick’s throat, but his hand felt too good on David’s cock to interrupt. “I’d suck your balls into my mouth as my fingers traced down, tongue following behind.” He hadn’t gotten a good look at Patrick’s ass yet, but he could tell it was an incredible one. “I’d lube up my finger and tease your rim until you begged me for it.”
Patrick sucked in a breath and collapsed forward onto David. Their bodies too close for both of them to have room to work, and David wasn’t ready to lose the soothing weight of Patrick on him, so he took over stroking both of their cocks. With Patrick’s hips in closer proximity, David slid his free hand under the back of Patrick’s underwear to grab his ass.
“Fuck, yeah. I’ll beg,” Patrick said into David’s neck. He rocked his hips, pressing against each of David’s hands in turn. “Please.”
That word sounded incredible coming from Patrick’s mouth. Where the hell had this guy been hiding all the time David had lived in Schitt’s Creek? He let his fingertips dip ever so slightly into Patrick’s crease as he picked up speed, jacking them off. Their breathing grew more ragged as David inched closer to coming his brains out.
“I’d push one finger inside and lick around your greedy little hole until you relaxed enough to let my tongue in alongside my finger.”
“F-fuck. Want your tongue.” Patrick’s thrusting lost its rhythm. He must be getting close.
David went for first, or the hoop, or whatever. “If you’re good for me, I’d give you another finger. Two fingers and my tongue pushing inside you. Your dick would be so hard, Patrick, but I wouldn’t let you touch it. Not until you had three fingers in you.”
“Say my name again.”
David sucked in a breath. “Patrick.” He tried to sound as sexy as possible.
Patrick tensed, and David caught his release in his palm because he wasn’t about to deal with the clean-up on his favorite jeans. Instead of scrambling back to leave David to finish himself off in stifling awkwardness, Patrick kissed David’s breath away and took over stroking his dick. David let his dirty hand fall to the side and lost himself to the strong, albeit it somewhat clumsy, hand of Patrick.
It was flattering that Patrick came fast. Seeing Patrick so into it got David off. He was used to being with people who flaunted a kind of detached indifference, but Patrick wore his emotions with pride. His vulnerability had already worked its way beyond the first round (or three) of David’s defenses.
“Your fingers would feel so good in me.” Patrick sounded wrecked, and frankly, David was surprised he had the energy to talk, let alone jack David off, with how hard he seemed to have come. “Get me so wet and open.” Patrick mouthed at David’s neck between words.
“So open. Get you ready for my dick.” Patrick’s hand slipped down and squeezed David’s balls. After three more strokes, he came in Patrick’s hand.
Patrick surprised David again by not moving away, but instead kissing him deeply, almost gratefully.
David was starting to feel a permanent crick in his neck forming, but he didn’t want to break their post-orgasm bubble. Fear of come staining the family car won out. “We should probably clean up before it gets all over the car.” His arm started to fall asleep from trying to keep his palm up.
Patrick gave David one more chaste kiss, then sat back up. He lifted David’s leg with his clean hand and flopped back on the bench, resting David’s leg over his lap, resting his hand just above David’s knee. Not possessive, but sort of affectionate? David kind of liked it. A lot.
David sat up and grabbed the package of wipes from the seat-back pocket. He handed one to Patrick, then cleaned his own hand off.
Patrick ran his now-clean hand through his hair and laughed. A carefree sound, not incredulous or filled with regret.
“I hope that’s a good kind of laughter.”
Patrick looked at David, eyes sparkling, smile wide. “Are you kidding? I thought the highlight of my day would be getting the new-to-me laptop. But this? Best day ever.”
David’s traitorous mouth shifted into a smile. Okay, so it was kind of nice to be a part of someone’s best day ever. “Laptop and a hand job. Exciting day indeed.” He zipped himself back up and wrapped their dirty wipes in a clean one before setting the bundle on the floorboard.
“It feels a little weird to do the sale now. After all that.” He gestured to David’s lap and smiled. Sort of a frown, but didn’t look sad in the least.
“Sale?” Did he think David was a sex worker or something? Was Patrick a sex worker? If acting innocent was his marketing strategy, it fucking worked.
“The laptop?” There went Patrick’s bunching brows again. “You brought it, didn’t you?”
“What are you talking about? What laptop?” David’s voice went high.
“The laptop, David! The one you posted on Facebook Marketplace!” Patrick shifted in the seat to face David. He looked a little frantic, which David probably did too.
“Ew! I wouldn’t use Facebook Marketplace. That’s where people give away cigarette-stank furniture and sell cracked flower pots. What makes you think I—“ he gestured to himself “—would frequent such a low form of commerce?”
The teasing smile took over Patrick’s face for a moment as he gave David a once-over. David’s poor dick twitched valiantly. Patrick cleared his throat. “If you’re not the person I was messaging with about the laptop for sale, who did you think I was?”
David opened his mouth, then let it close again. “Um.” Suddenly The Dude Cave seemed like the less embarrassing option. Had he seriously dirty talked and jerked off some guy from Facebook fucking Marketplace. Jesus. “Someone I had prearranged to meet.” David raised his chin.
“Right. Got that, David. Me too. But from where?”
David examined his cuticle. “Grindr.”
Patrick tilted his head back and barked out a laugh. David’s lips twitched, but he wouldn’t let the laugh out.
“Wait.” David’s brain started to get moving. “You thought I was here to sell you a laptop and happened to just, like, make a move?”
Patrick shrugged, but his mouth was turned down into a smile David already liked too much. “Thought you might knock the price down a bit.”
“Okay!”
Patrick reached out and squeezed David’s leg. “Come on, it’s kind of funny.”
David looked down at Patrick’s hand. He wanted to cover it with his own, but that was firmly out of bounds for the post-orgasm phase of a backseat hookup. “Where is this ‘laptop person’?” David used air quotes and secretly thrilled at Patrick’s eye roll.
“That’s a good question.” He pulled his phone out of his impossibly snug pocket. “Huh. They asked to reschedule until tomorrow.” He looked at David. “Where’s your ‘Grindr hookup?” The little shit mirrored the air quotes.
David pulled out his own phone and saw a notification.
Sorry. Had to stay late at work. Give me a couple of hours?
The timestamp on the notification came through a half an hour after their scheduled meet up time. David could’ve been one gigantic mosquito bite by then. Definitely not rainchecking that hookup.
“Bailed.”
“Lucky me.”
David’s head snapped up. Patrick’s face looked so fucking fond. “Lucky you?”
Patrick shrugged. “Go out for a laptop, end up with my first time with a guy.”
David’s brain buffered. “F-first time?” Fuck. Oh, fuck. That wasn’t how he would’ve handled someone’s first time if he’d known. He’d have taken his time, been more thoughtful, checked in more. Fuck. Fuck!
“I know we’ve just met and I don’t know you, but it looks like you might be worrying about. That.” Patrick’s tone was reassuring. “I did everything I wanted to do. Nothing more. Okay?”
“Are you sure?”
Patrick’s eyes twinkled in the waning light. “The hottest guy I’ve ever seen kisses me minutes after meeting and invites me to fool around in his car? Yeah, pretty sure I’m doing fine.” He looked a little bashful. “Even better first time than I’d hoped for, actually.”
He forced an attempt at a smile. “I’m glad you got to experiment.” The words hurt like sandpaper on his throat.
Patrick squeezed David’s leg. And, oh, his hand hadn’t left it. “That wasn’t me experimenting. I’ve known for a while I’m not straight. It’s that I haven’t, uh.” He dropped his phone to his lap and rubbed the back of his neck. “Haven’t had the opportunity to test that out yet. With another person.” He said the last while making eye contact with David.
Right. Okay. That’s… better. Good.
A thought jumped out at him. “Oh my god. The virus protection.” David pinched the bridge of his nose. “You thought I meant computer viruses.”
Patrick’s laughter echoed around the car. “That explains the weird look you gave me.” He looked so fucking happy when he laughed like that. “But, um, no viruses on the other front either. I recently got tested.”
“Good.” David tucked his smile to the corner of his mouth.
“At the risk of making even more of a fool of myself.” Patrick looked down at his hand on David’s leg, then back up at David. Patrick’s eyes were gorgeous. “Can I take you to dinner?”
“What? Now?” Did that guy not have an ounce of self-preservation? “You don’t need to buy me dinner because I gave you an orgasm.”
Patrick frowned. “No! David, no. I want to take you to dinner. Get to know you. You know, spend some time with you.”
David studied his face and found nothing but sincerity. And he looked hard. “Really?”
“Really.” Patrick let him stare. “You can pick the restaurant.”
He had been craving Italian from that place in Elmdale. “Okay. Then what?”
“If you’re not bored with me after, maybe we can plan a second date then go back to my place since my roommate is out of town.” Patrick slid his hand higher up David’s thigh. “You mentioned a few ideas about what you’d like to do if we had more room? I have a full size bed and a door.”
David didn't try to dampen his smile that time.