Archive of Our Own

You blinked away the memory of the first time you and Donna had a semi-conversation, and you considered that to be the turning point of your relationship. Especially when Angie was muttering the next day, something about “Why am I forbidden now?” and it had your lips curved into an unexpected smile that you couldn’t permanently shake for the rest of the day.

As the days bled into nights and as the weeks flew to months, there was a bond between the two of you that threatened to expand and force itself to be the only thing your mind was capable of comprehending. There was something melancholic about the air that always surrounded Donna and over time, it began pulling at your heartstrings that this soft heart had been so hurt in some way that she couldn’t even face the world without her veil, and you were determined to figure out the mystery of everything about her.

And that made it so easy to put aside your own insecurities and discomforts with your body for the sake of putting Donna’s needs above your own. You cooked for her, you cleaned for her, you did the house and yard maintenance for her. You made sure she had nothing else to do but to focus on what she loved — puppeteering. At first she had offered you no indication that she noticed or appreciated your effort in taking care of her, but then it started with a gentle caress of her finger over yours when you had handed her a cup one day. You couldn’t stop staring at her hands that day, and thinking of what they were capable of.

Even Angie’s bizarrely threatening comments had cooled to mere teasing and dark humor. Though she was still attached to your leg quite literally. The doll took every opportunity she could to curl herself around your leg and thigh, enjoying the ride as you continued on while occasionally glancing down at her giggling form. Even so, being as civil and calm as you and Angie were now, you still weren’t comfortable with the doll and her loose mouth knowing your secret and spreading it to the woman you-

Served. And that was all you would allow yourself even in your head. It was too painful to dream of scenarios where Donna felt the same fluttering in her stomach as you did, just to return to reality with the constriction of your chest; It was too painful to subconsciously trick yourself with hope. So, you decided to numb yourself from feeling anything completely as you tended to your duties around Donna’s home. You didn’t even bother with mindless chitchat with the veiled woman anymore when you presented her with her sustenance, and not once did you catch the furrow of her brow when you started taking your leave without a word, not when she concealed everything from you and everyone else.

You blinked past your blurry vision and saw the fog thickening until it blanketed the entire valley, even up the stumps of the trees. The small part of your forehead that was still resting against the windowpane had gone numb from the prolonged exposure to the chill of the glass. A sigh couldn’t help but find its way out of your throat, and it fogged up your view of the outside. You were contemplating reaching a finger out to draw a frowning face in the condensation, but a solid form collided with your leg and plopped itself down onto your right foot. You didn’t even have to look down.

“Hello, Angie,” you greeted monotonously, not in the mood to act overly friendly with the doll.

“What’s your problem?” demanded Angie, but you knew she wouldn’t have even asked if she wasn’t interested in what had you sour.

“Nothing,” you whispered, offering her a smile that barely lifted one corner of your mouth.

“Even my mom has noticed,” spoke Angie matter-of-factly, and you knew she felt you stiffen. “You don’t like that, huh?”

“What’re you talking about?” You cursed the way your voice trembled, but the doll relished in it.

“You’ve been distant, she says, and she wants to know why.” drawled Angie, gazing up at you as her hold on your leg tightened.

You nearly found yourself arguing with this doll, but you bit back any remarks of denial that danced so tantalizingly on the tip of your tongue, ready to take the plummet. You sighed heavily yet again as unbidden tears pricked the corners of your eyes at the mentioning of your behavior, and what was causing it by extension. You couldn’t tell her even if you wanted to, not past the weight that suddenly found itself stuck inside of your chest. Angie vehemently shook at your leg.

“Well?”

“Angie,” came a sharp voice, effectively cutting off your lack of response. “That will be all.”

Your neck almost could’ve broke with how quick your head snapped over to face Donna. She still had her veil on, but there was tension in her shoulders as she scolded the doll. Angie did the best she could about looking chastised as she scurried away from you and down the hall, not even seeking the comfort of her mother at the moment. So that left the two of you to stand there in uncomfortable silence until someone decided to break it, and you decided that that was not going to be you.

You couldn’t tell if you felt relieved or if you felt disappointed when Donna paused for a moment before turning on her heel and walked gracefully away from you and down the hall. You released a shaky breath and wasn’t sure why your eyes felt as wet as they did when you watched her go without a word, without any care. You squeezed them tightly shut, hoping against odds that it would dispel the tears lining them, and when you opened them again, you saw Donna standing still and looking back over her shoulder at you.

“Would you please follow me?” asked Donna, and you were surprised by how much of a genuine, nervous question it was rather than a demand that she could rightfully give.

“I- sure, I mean yes!” You stammered over yourself, unsure and nearly afraid, but your shaky legs took you forward one step at a time, and this time, Donna waited for you to fall into step with her.

“You seem tense,” Donna mused without looking over at you, and for once, you wished you had your own veil to shield yourself with once you decided that prolonging the inevitable would do no good.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, eyes turning downcast, and even you weren’t sure as to why you were apologizing.

“Are you alright, honey?”

The name at the end coupled with the concern you could hear in her voice had you looking right back up at her, and this time you could tell she was observing every part of your face, almost as if she were checking for the lie coming. It was too much to explain to her, too much at one time and you found it would be a lot easier to shut down and give generic, albeit hollow responses until she left you alone with yourself.

But what if? What if Donna made it easy enough to let your tongue slip and unleash it all as if it were nothing at all? You couldn’t see her reaction, and that alone, the slightest of hesitations, had your lungs seizing as you gazed right at her veil-covered face. What if she laughed at you? What if she called you unnatural? What if she banished you altogether? And that was how the cons had outweighed the pros, but now you’ve hesitated too long and Donna turned her body to fully face you.

“Will you make it just a little bit further? My bedroom is close by.” she said softly, her hand reaching out to you, and you took it, and for a moment it didn’t feel right in yours, but you shook the thought away, nearly grateful just to hold her hand.

You nodded your head, and the walk passed you by in a blur, one foot guiding you at a time as your thoughts battled for dominance and left you in the whirlwind. Donna pushed her bedroom door open and one thought that did take purchase of your mind was “Oh my god, she has me in her bedroom” and it offered you an anchor to latch onto instead of focusing on the care and affection you’ve grown to feel for Donna or the way your body felt too curved, too exposed, too wrong. Donna perched herself in the chair that she had in her room, and held her hand out to signal for you to sit down on the edge of the bed.

“You don’t talk much anymore.” Donna stated simply, and you made a noncommittal noise in the back of your throat. “Hm.”

“I’m-”

“Sorry,” interrupted Donna, and you could hear something coloring her tone. “Why? What do you keep apologizing for?”

“Nothing,” you shrug before looking down at your lap. “And a lot of things,”

“You are so very helpful, dear.” Donna quipped, and for some reason, it gave you the flash of irritation that you needed to get the ball rolling.

“Well maybe I don’t trust you!” You snapped, aware that you shouldn’t be saying it, but unable to prevent it from coming out, and you really regretted it when you heard a small intake of breath.

“Have I proven myself disloyal to you in some way?” spat Donna, her voice suddenly cold, and it had the fight leaving your body, and leaving you exhausted.

“I don’t want you to hate me.” You whimpered, hanging your head as it was too much energy to hold it up. “You’ll make fun of me.”

“I...”

The words died in Donna’s throat as she sat perfectly still in her seat. Her defensive attitude was instantly replaced with worry and confusion, and it had her momentarily thrown. She watched your body tremble with every labored breath you exhaled and after the third inhale, she was on her feet and sitting by your side on the edge of the bed. She took your hand and ran her thumb across your knuckles reassuringly.

“I could never hate you, and I would never make fun of you about what’s bothering you so terribly.” insisted Donna, taking your hand into both of hers now to softly caress it with her fingertips.

“I...” You whispered breathlessly, your wide eyes glued to your joined hands and it made it easier to not look at her. “I love you,”

The hands surrounding yours squeezed tightly before bringing it up, up, up, and slipping your hand behind her veil to bring it to her smiling lips.

“I know,” she whispered back, and you felt the heat of her breath against your hand. “I’ve known for some time, and I love you, too.”

Your mouth fell open in shock and you stared into the blackness that was her veil, your eyes darting back and forth where you thought her eyes to be. She was still smiling as she pressed kisses to your hand.

“W-Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” You pressed, unsure of what emotion you were going to land on. “If you knew?”

“There is something else you’re still holding back... why is that?” countered Donna, and she didn’t give you time to even think of a response before she was answering herself. “Because you aren’t ready, and I wasn’t... until now.”

“What changed?” You couldn’t help but ask, and you sorta felt selfish that you didn’t hesitate to press for answers while Donna simply let you come to terms with your own struggle at your own time.

“Me,” said Donna, her sudden chuckle sounded more of a dry sob she couldn’t hold back. “I changed over time and it was because of you... You used to be so lively around here that it made me come back to life as well... and then you suddenly disappeared.”

“I...” You trailed off, and how could you defend yourself when you knew her words to be true... you were here, but it was also very noticeable that you weren’t.

“Are you ever going to come back to me?” questioned Donna, your joined hands falling into her lap.

You watched in awe as it seemed like everything was almost falling into place right before your eyes in the form of Donna playing with your fingers with her own. She managed to seem so small and unsure, and yet she held this power and grace to her that you both were aware of. She dipped her head, but you could somehow feel the heat of her gaze probing. The fluttering of everything inside of you had it all too easy to bring your free hand underneath her veil to cup her cheek and pull her full attention towards you.

“A lot of the times I don’t feel like a woman.” You said and by the time you realized you were saying it, your voice only had time to tremble on the last word. “I... sometimes I don’t feel comfortable in my own body... Sometimes I look at myself and wish things were different.”

“What can I do for you?” Donna questioned intensely, one of her hands releasing yours in favor of covering the one on her cheek. “I don’t want you feeling uncomfortable with yourself.”

You sat there staring dumbly at her, your mouth working but no words were coming forth. You weren’t exactly prepared for any sort of response much less a positive one, and here she was, asking what she could do to help you, and it had you laughing incredulously, your brow furrowing as you looked at nothing. But then you were sobbing and you couldn’t stop it no matter how hard you tried to reign it back in. Arms were surrounding you in less than a second.

“Is this what you were so scared of, honey?” whispered Donna, tucking you into the crook of her neck, and you nodded wildly.

“I-I thought you wouldn’t l-love me if I told you.” You hiccuped, feeling frayed and ragged in her embrace.

“Impossible,” said Donna, her tone leaving no room for argument. “There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel right in your own skin.”

“What now?” You croaked, most of the weight gone from your shoulders, but there was still some residual tension lingering, and she must have felt it because she was soon running her soft hand over your shoulder.

“Well...” started Donna, pulling away from you but grabbing both your hands to keep you close enough. “I love you, and you love me, and if you ever chose to commit to becoming a man, then I’m quite certain that Mother Miranda has connections that I will indeed look into about helping you change into who you are meant to be.”

Was it really that easy? Did you really just come out as smoothly as you did? And she just... accepted it? You were so scatterbrained that it left you spent and unable to do more than fall back into her ready embrace. You figured she must have read your string of thoughts because soon she cupped the back of your neck, and pulled back.

Just enough so she could use her unoccupied hand to lift her veil just enough to expose her lips. You didn’t have time to marvel before she surged forward, also using her hand to pull you in closer to connect your lips in a searing kiss that had you gasping into it. Your eyes slammed shut without your consent, but the softness of her mouth had you lacking the care of anything else. She gently scratched at the base of your neck and then she was pulling back, leaving you dazed.

“Thank you for sharing your secret with me.” said Donna, and the raw honesty had you blinking away more tears.

“Thank you for deserving it,” you whispered back, almost hunching from how bone-tired and light you felt from finally letting go of the weight that was holding you down for so long.

After a moment of comfortable silence passed of the two of you just basking in the afterglow of requited confession, Donna smirked, prompting a grin of your own. Before you could even ask, she already beat you to it.

“I think Angie will be ecstatic about having something of a father figure around here.”

You paled when you heard maniac giggling outside the door.