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Venti is fickle and volatile; Xiao has come to accept it, by now, letting a bittersweet sigh every time he has to watch the Bard's shoulders get farther away from him as he leaves. And Xiao, stagnant and never-changing, only wishes for Venti to feel the very same freedom he grants others.
The mountains are cold and uninviting, but Xiao has found a home in the way the wind blows among them, hitting their cold surface and sending sweet shivers along the Yaksha's arms. He allows himself to close his eyes, the tense muscles of his back resting against hard rocks; and then the wind gets slightly more intense, but he doesn't need to crack either eye open to understand why the air around him suddenly feels so clear.
"How did you find me?" He asks, as he always does. It's their personal routine, at this point.
"I own the wind," he replies, just as Xiao expected. And then he adds, "what's buzzing in that head of yours today?"
He doesn't feel like embarrassing himself right now, so he discards the thought of how he needed to feel the wind's presence and decides to respond with something that sounds more like himself - or the way he would want others to view him. "Nothing important. What brings you here?"
"I wanted to see you! Wasn't it obvious?"
Venti has a way of sweeping Xiao right off of his feet with the simple sound of his voice. It doesn't make sense to him, either way; he doesn't understand why the Bard would experience something that feels so human, so unfitting of a god. He realizes how much of a hypocrite he is when he notices he has been keeping count of the days that went by without seeing Venti. Four, to be exact. He was hoping he wouldn't have to count to five.
"There is nothing to see."
"But I wanted to see you," Venti repeats himself, this time in a way that feels more tender than it should. "Come on, let's go down by the river. It's cold up here."
Xiao wonders why he doesn't stay in Mondstadt, if the air in Liyue feels so cold to him, but he quickly leaves this thought aside. If he could, he would keep him in Liyue forever.
"Why did you want to see me?" He asks, because he genuinely doesn't know.
"I love you, Xiao," he replies, like he's simply singing a song. Like he's reciting a poem by memory. "I've made myself clear, haven't I?"
"You are the god of freedom," he says, as Venti stares at the water. He doesn't belong here. "You cannot bind yourself with such pointless feelings. They are bound to break you."
"So, Xiao, riddle me this," Venti looks up this time, the sun hitting his face in a way that seems to caress him. "Why do you believe I'm binding myself to anything at all?"
It leaves the Yaksha speechless, for a second. "Love is a human feeling. It was designed to--"
"You don't create love. You feel it."
Venti is so unfaltering in the way he speaks.
"It can only cause destruction. There is no peace in such feeling."
The Bard brings a hand to Xiao's cheek. It's sweet in its own steadiness, and it makes him recoil until he understands that Venti's touch is safe and forgiving. Venti strokes his skin for a few seconds, to let him get accustomed to his touch, and then keeps it on the edges of his cheekbones, a thumb ready to catch any tears that might threaten to fall down.
"That's what you believe about yourself. Am I right?" Xiao looks away. Not that he had the courage to look at Venti straight in the eyes, anyway. "You will learn that not everything has to be a sacrifice. As tainted as you believe your soul to be - don't let it get too rough. Don't break."
"There is no way of fixing me."
"The sun keeps you warm and safe, yet you prefer the night. You hope for the darkness to destroy you. Don't you?"
Xiao doesn't respond, so Venti continues. He doesn't expect an answer.
"Let me be your sun, Xiao. I can't fix you, but I can help you feel warmer. Is that not enough, for now? To let your fingertips stretch towards something more inviting than the rage inside of you?"
It sounds incredibly tempting, but Xiao doesn't want to hold Venti down in any way. And the latter seems to read into his thoughts, because he soon speaks again: "I'm not getting rid of my freedom for you. I'm sharing it with you. Can you let me?"
"I... have yet to think about this."
"Then you'll think about it. And the wind will let me know when you're ready."
A pair of soft lips are placed on his forehead. "You're leaving," Xiao observes. He has taken mental notes on how Venti always seems to mention the wind both when he arrives, and when he leaves; it's a habit of his, but it makes Xiao's heart swell with bitterness.
"As I will come back to you. No need to worry. I'm always with you."
And as soon as Xiao lets his eyelids drop, Venti vanishes, making sure not to leave a single trace, save for a heart-wrenching gust of wind.
⋆
"How does one know when their heart is ready to love?"
Zhongli widens his eyes at the sudden question. He believes Xiao to be a bit like a child sometimes; always asking questions, never being satisfied with the answers. And surely, Morax - no, Zhongli knows what love is: he has spent enough time around humans to understand what it means.
"Why are you suddenly concerning yourself with such matters? Has anything been going on?"
"No, I..." He trails off, a faint blush travelling across his face. He notices Zhongli setting his cup of tea down to lean in closer, and it makes Xiao feel embarrassingly seen, so he stares down at the table. "I'd like to understand why humans trouble themselves with... this."
"Humans?" The Archon raises his eyebrows. "Do you believe love to be a strictly human sentiment, Xiao?"
"Vulnerability is something that only humans are willing to show. Is it not?"
Zhongli lets out a soft chuckle. "Do you not long for affection as well?"
"No." His answer is firm, yet the shakiness in the tone of his voice betrays him.
"Yet you still let me embrace you whenever we meet."
"You have been living among humans for far too long," he attempts to explain, "your behavior is starting to resemble them. And besides, that is not love. That is..."
"A parent can feel love for their child," Zhongli interrupts him. "It is still love. Though I believe you meant something different. Correct?"
Xiao nods.
"You will know when you're ready. There is no need to rush."
⋆
Xiao spends the next few days visiting the mountains, hoping for them to give him the answers he longs for. The mountains don't reply, don't talk back, they simply stare. Xiao thinks they're mocking him, but he ignores them, and shuts his eyes closed every time the wind blows a little harder, only to find himself disappointed when he doesn't feel that heavenly presence beside him.
Five days without seeing Venti. He has gone way longer without talking to the Bard, but every time it gets more and more annoying to deal with, and he doesn't understand why. He believes it's a matter of habit. He went from seeing him everyday, to feeling extremely lucky if he even gets a glimpse of that flowy cape - yes, it must definitely be a matter of habit. Nothing else. Nothing at all. His heart aches, and he decides it must be fatigue; then he remembers going off about how Adepti don't need sleep, and feels the mountains mocking him again.
Absurd. All of this. Zhongli said he would know when he would be ready, but he has yet to understand what he needs to be ready for; and Venti, where is he, at this point? What answers is he trying to get out of a mere Adeptus?
The wind starts blowing faster. He doesn't close his eyes this time.
⋆
Some walking, gliding, running later, Xiao finds himself at Stormterror's Lair. Venti brought him here once, saying that it could all belong to Xiao, one day, but the Yaksha didn't understand. He believed this place to be empty and lonely, destructed by forces unknown to him and rendered useless; but now that he observes it again, he finds it heartbreakingly beautiful.
He starts understanding what Venti meant, but he has yet to understand why he suddenly feels a heavy weight pressing on his chest.
⋆
Venti has never taken him to Mondstadt, but he recognized the city from the tall windmills that can be seen from afar. He feels extremely out of place as he walks through the main gate; the sun is setting, so thankfully most people are walking back home, but the few ones left on the street stare at him, and he has to clench his fist to calm down. He isn't sure why he's here, or what he's looking for: all he knows is that he needed to be here. He remembers the Bard mentioning a tavern, so he spends a few minutes walking around until he reaches a wooden structure, and his body automatically walks in.
He regrets his decision when the red-haired bartender barely spares him a glance, but the other few people in there stare at him; a man with blue hair sitting at the counter stares more than the others, and Xiao feels anger bubbling up in his chest. With that weird eyepatch, he should be the last person to stare at others, and he wishes to get the chance to fight with him one day.
His thoughts are interrupted when the bartender speaks up, barely looking at him. "How old are you, kid?"
Xiao widens his eyes. Kid? He doesn't care enough about what opinions mortals have about him, but this is almost shocking. "Excuse me?"
"No minors are allowed in my tavern. You're not from around here, are you?"
Why would you care, he wants to answer.
"Are you acquainted with Barb--" He doesn't miss the blue-haired man raising his eyebrows behind a wine glass. "Venti? He's a bard. He, uh..." Surely he can't simply walk in asking the very same city Barbatos is protecting if they know who Barbatos is, so he hopes they're aware of his identity as a mere human at the very least.
"My own personal nightmare, yes," the bartender responds, "but it seems he won't show up today, fortunately enough. I can let him know you were looking for him when he decides to gulp down all of my wine again."
"No!" He replies, a bit too loud, so he quickly lowers his voice again. "No need to do that. Has he been around here as of late?"
"Yes, as always. It's strange for him not to visit the tavern." He takes a good look at Xiao, top to bottom, and nods to himself - an action the Yaksha fails to understand. "You're Xiao, aren't you? The Bard often mentions you."
He gets closer to the counter. "Does he? What does he say?" He sounds way more hopeful than he'd like, but he doesn't care enough to mask his relief.
"Everything, anything. He talks too much; I often need to stop listening. Still, he seems to enjoy your company quite a lot."
The bartender's voice has taken on a tone that seems almost comforting. Xiao blames it on his own lack of emotional contact with anyone recently.
"You seem interesting," the annoying blue-haired man speaks up. "Sit here, will you?"
Xiao spends the rest of the night with the two men - the one he soon knows as Kaeya buys him a drink, after Xiao puts an incredibly amount of effort into letting the two know he's definitely not underaged, and the bartender - Diluc, he soon learns - simply observes him, slowly and carefully. He doesn't feel relaxed, though. He waits for Venti to show up until Diluc announces it's time to go home.
After Xiao waves the two goodbye, and before he travels back to Liyue, Xiao stops at one of the Statues in Mondstadt, and leans his head against the cold stone. He whispers something to the wind, hoping it takes his voice right where he wants it to be.
⋆
Twenty-three days without Venti. In the past twenty-three days, he has gone back to the tavern three times, fallen asleep near a Statue once, and sighed more times than he can remember. The weight in his chest keeps growing painfully, and Xiao doesn't know what to do to lift it off. He tried eating some warm food, hoping for that terrible weight to be what he described as "the terrible sin of getting too close to humans", but the soup makes him want to throw up and doesn't make him feel any better.
He thinks of Venti, and, strangely enough, the thought of his cape flowing as he glides only worsens his already awful condition, and he believes himself to be near death. Yes, this is absolutely what it has to be. No other explanation.
He thinks of Venti again. He thinks, and thinks, and thinks. If he closes his eyes hard enough, he can picture the Bard calling him silly and laughing to himself. If he closes his eyes hard enough - he can hear his voice singing, low enough so no one else hears; no one but Xiao. He can see his skillful fingers gliding through a lyre, elegantly and with the grace worthy of a god, and--
Xiao runs. He runs, not like an animal hunting his prey, but like a man desperate to go home.
He runs. He doesn't know where he ends up; all he knows is that the dim light from the sun rising is enough to let him catch a hint of two legs dangling freely from the top of a cliff. He runs, runs, runs, and doesn't wait for his breath to catch up to him.
"I love you," he announces to the wind. And then he repeats: "I love you."
Venti turns around, not startled at all, almost as if he was waiting. The sun makes a gorgeous background for his figure, as he smiles tenderly and gets up.
"Did you think about it?"
"I love you," is all Xiao can say.
Venti envelopes him in a warm hug, and feels Xiao finally stop being so stiff. "I love you," he whispers back.
Xiao lets himself be embraced, for once. The throbbing pain in his chest finally subsides.