Work Text:
admire
verb
1. To acknowledge one’s similarities to you.
America
noun
1. The nation largely considered, mostly by itself, to be superior to all others.
anti-American
adjective
1. Immoral.
bank
noun
1. An institution in which you store your money so it can be given to someone else.
breast
noun
1. A strange bit of anatomy, considered vulgar despite not having anything to do directly with procreation.
café
noun
1. A business where people can show their computer brand loyalty in public.
censorship
noun
1. Any form of disagreement with one's opinion.
Congress
noun
1. A collection of trained monkeys.
copyright
noun
1. A ransom on creativity.
council
noun
1. A group of men gathered to talk endlessly about nothing.
cubicle
noun
1. A cage intended to contain humans and suppress independent thought.
cui bono
phrase
1. Latin. What’s in it for me?
cult
noun
1. A religion without financial backing.
cyberspace
noun
1. The place most go while confined within office space.
defame
verb
1. To tell the truth about an individual.
democracy
noun
1. A hypothetical system of government in which the people are given supreme power.
dictator
noun
1. Any leader you aren’t fond of. See President.
dictionary
noun
1. A method of forcing a word’s meaning to remain in stasis.
do
verb
1. Procrastinate.
ergo
adverb
1. Therefore I’m right.
forum
noun
1. The gladiatorial arena of the modern age.
fromage
noun
1. French. Any cheese that costs slightly more money than you currently have.
government
noun
1. The branches of operation in the United States, comparable to three gears in a triangular formation.
hypocrisy
noun
1. A necessary component in society. Without it, there would be no law.
imagine
verb
1. To contemplate things much better than the current situation.
2. To contemplate things much worse than the current situation.
Independence Day
noun
1. An excuse to become greatly intoxicated and set off various small explosives.
intelligence
noun
1. A trait valued in the lawyer but not the politician.
kilt
noun
1. A garment worn exclusively by Americans in Scotland.
law
noun
1. An arbitrary system of rules created on a whim. See Congress.
lawyer
noun
1. A paid criminal.
literally
adverb
1. Very.
love
noun
1. A concept frequently observed from a distance but rarely experienced firsthand.
meme
noun
1. An image or video repeated on the Internet until it ceases to be any longer funny.
misdemeanor
noun
1. A felony committed by a rich man.
muttonchops
noun
1. A breed of sideburn that appears to take issue with gravity.
nepotism
noun
1. The standard American hiring process.
officer
noun
1. An employed vigilante.
opinion
noun
1. Fact.
pandemonium
noun
1. The natural state of being.
patriotism
noun
1. The desire to prove yourself a fool to the rest of the world. See Independence Day.
politics
noun
1. A sport in which ignorant people divide into two groups and argue at length.
President
noun
1. A primary source of entertainment for men, women, and children across America.
satire
noun
1. Any statement later deemed offensive. See hypocrisy.
syzygy
noun
1. 25 points in Scrabble.
thingamajig
noun
1. That one thing that does that.
tradition
noun
1. An obsolete belief or custom kept around so we don’t have to make new ones.
trilogy
noun
1. A series consisting of three or more works.
veto
noun
1. The power to change the outcome of a vote. See democracy.
war
noun
1. An efficient way to spend copious amounts of money and make other countries look bad.