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Jason’s leg was bouncing, a lot faster than Roy’s probably ever seen it. He’s almost impressed, if the reason for the action wasn’t also the reason that Roy felt like someone was trying to force a damn pipe down his throat. His muscles are tense, just as Jason’s are, he can see the flex in Jason’s wrists and hands. And it doesn’t help that they’re holding onto each other’s hands, so Roy can feel everything. The sweat that’s accumulated between their skin, the fact that Jason’s squeezing his hand almost so hard that Roy wants to withdraw before something breaks. But he can’t, they can’t show that they’re on edge, that maybe their lie was exactly that.
This had not been the plan, at all. They were meant to be business partners, which isn’t damn far off from their day to day lives anyway, but something about this whole situation had put Jason on edge. Roy didn’t know what it was, but right when push came to shove, Jason panicked. Well, that’s putting it a little dramatically. But Jason had turned to Roy, taken his hand in his own and told him to follow his lead, and Roy instantly knew anything they’d discussed before then was being thrown out the window.
And when he’d tried to let go of Jason’s hand, his hold had only stuck, and Jason had pulled Roy into his side. And that was where he still was now, even after they’d been seated. Right at Jason’s side, and their hands had found each other again as Jason lied through his teeth about their relationship and why this deal interested them. Roy was sure he’d get an explanation later when they weren’t worried they were going to have bullets lodged into their skulls.
But for now, Roy held Jason’s hand and did as he always did; followed Jason’s lead. Because Jason’s gut has never led them astray so far. Or at least, Roy’s never thought it has. Jason keeps a calm smile on his face somehow, even though Roy can feel the sweat on his hand. Or maybe that’s all Roy’s, but then he feels like his whole body would be sweating if his hand was this damn moist.
Jason’s thumb strokes over his knuckles, and he doesn’t know if it’s for show, or in an actual attempt to help ease Roy. But either way, it does the job. The dealer that Jason had been discussing everything with glances back and forth between them, his hands clasped in front of his face, index fingers extended and resting against the tip of his nose. He makes a noise in the back of his throat, Roy can’t tell if it’s a good or bad sound.
The silence that drags on after that is suffocating. Roy tries his best not to break, and God is it hard. He starts to get antsy; he knows it because Jason’s squeezing his hand even harder, in a pulse-like way just to make sure that Roy doesn’t suddenly shoot out of his chair and make a run for it. He’s not that crazy, but he does feel like cracking under the pressure. Which is more than likely the whole point.
The guy lowers his hands to his thighs as he leans back in his chair, tipping his head back with a lazy smile. “I want to see your work, prove yourself, y’know?” He shrugs like it’s nothing. His accent is thick, heavy, and it makes him even more intimidating. Roy wouldn’t be surprised if he leans into it for that reason. It’s like when Jason pulls out a certain cadence in his voice to make people basically piss their pants.
“You’ll stay here tonight; we can sort out some arrangement. Tomorrow, you prove to me that you’re worth my time, I’ll consider your offer.” Having them stay here is for a show of trust, and Roy realises then, that’s why Jason had changed everything at the last second. He knew they would, and if they can actually keep up some kind of act like this, they’ll be golden. Roy doesn’t know how Jason does it, but he’s always impressed.
“We’d hate to impose,” And Roy knows, in the tone of Jason’s voice, he’s lying. He knows they need to get through this test, that this is to prove their trust. He only says it because agreeing may be too eager, and they’ll get caught.
“It’s nothing. You’ve come all this way, after all. And we have the spare rooms.”
“Allow me to pay for the inconvenience at least.” And Jason’s hand comes away from Roy’s, finally, only to pull his wallet out and pull out some cash. Drug money, the only time Jason ever uses it. Because actually paying any of these pigs from his own pocket would make Jason’s head explode.
The guy looks impressed, shocked even. Like maybe he thought he was about to call their bluff. Jason’s a good actor, he always has been, even when he was a kid. He takes the money, flicks it through his fingers to count it.
“You’re too kind.” He pockets the money before he gestures for one of his men to step forward. “You’ll be led to your room.”
“Thank you,” And when Jason stands, he keeps his hand held out at his side, and Roy takes it, with only a little hesitation. Still clammy, but Roy’s not going to even react to it. He can’t, really, because he needs to keep up this façade.
They follow the man, keeping their sides pressed together. It’s honestly not much different than other times they’ve stepped into some snake’s lair. The only difference is that they don’t typically hold hands while they’re at it.
The hotel isn’t horrible, Roy will admit, though it does feel like he’s fallen back in time a bit. Outdated, but it’s clean, so he can’t complain he supposes. It doesn’t smell like a damn drug den, but Roy knows that there probably isn’t a room in this place that hasn’t had someone using in it. He tries to ignore the itch within the inside of his elbow.
They’re led into a room on the third floor, the door held open for them by the man that led them here. Jason peeks in but has Roy step in first, keeping himself between the guy and Roy. Cautious, protecting, because it’s fucking Jason, and he never lets anyone else take a fall for him. But the guy just gives a nod, and then he’s walking off, and Jason pulls the door closed, locking it instantly. His hand squeezes Roy’s again before finally falling away. He exhales, and Roy does too.
“Sorry,” He chuckles, and Jason lifts his gaze to him with a raised eyebrow.
“What for?” He’s instantly going into bat mode, checking through the room, without making it obvious. But Roy knows how he works, so he can see what Jason’s actually doing.
“Sweaty hands, I really didn’t think we were going to pull that off.” Roy exhales again, tucking his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. Jason snorts and looks back at him, a somewhat sideways smile on his lips.
“You think I wasn’t nervous? I know I was fucking sweating. And I get really clammy hands.”
“Bullshit. You’re always on top of it.” Roy rolls his eyes. Jason straightens up and crosses his arms over his chest.
“I’ll lie to that asshole all day, I’m not lying to you,” Jason assures. He drops down to a kneel and starts working his boots off.
Roy honestly doesn’t know what the hell time it is, but he knows it’s pretty damn late at this point. He watches Jason tug off his jacket and shirt, followed by his jeans before he drops himself onto the bed, letting out a grunt as he shuffles himself close to the wall. And the bed is barely a double by the looks of it. Cosy, but with Jason’s body in it… yeah, it’s pretty small.
Roy tugs off his own clothes, pulling his hair up to tie into a messy bun before he steps up to the bed and holds his hand out. “Pass me a pillow at least.”
Jason raises an eyebrow and doesn’t move, his arms folded behind his head. He glances at the space at his side and makes a point of attempting to shuffle closer to the wall. “Your ass isn’t that fat.”
Roy blinks slowly. He was serious. There’s a moment of silence, in which they just stare at each other; Roy unsure, and Jason expecting. Roy swallows and slowly sits on the edge of the bed. Jason doesn’t move, doesn’t react at all, so Roy lays down at his side, completely stiff.
Well then, this was happening.
“I don’t fucking bite, Harper.” Jason snorts, shifting himself a little before he closes his eyes. Roy plays with his own fingers a bit, refusing to turn his head and look at Jason properly. He’d rather strain his eyes to glance at him.
“Just didn’t think you’d wanna be this close.” Roy laughs, nervous. Jason turns his head and Roy busies himself with pulling the covers up the bed. Jason grabs his corner and pulls it over his body, his head still turned toward Roy.
“If you’re uncomfortable, I’ll take the floor.” Jason shrugs. Roy shakes his head slowly, frowning a little.
“I’m not uncomfortable. Just… a lot happening. I don’t know how you knew faking a relationship would work, but it’s gotten us here.” He laughs again, and he knows that Jason’s not falling for it, so he’s not sure why he’s trying.
“I’m good at reading people.” And the way Jason says it has goosebumps rising on Roy’s arms. He swallows and gives in, turning his head to face Jason finally. They’re unbelievably close, so much so that Roy almost goes cross-eyed just trying to focus on Jason’s face.
“You’re good at a lot of things.”
Jason shrugs. “Kind of have to be in this life.”
“Yeah,”
The silence that follows makes Roy want to climb out the window and disappear. And the way that Jason looks at him, those bright, almost teal eyes feeling as though they’re boring into him makes him want to stay as physically still as possible and stop breathing.
Jason lets out a sigh and rolls over, turning his back to Roy as he curls in on himself. And it makes Roy’s heart feel like it’s twisted itself up into a knot. Why did he feel disappointed?
“Get some sleep, tomorrow we bring these fuckers down,” Jason murmurs under his breath. Roy swallows and nods, but Jason can’t see it anyway. He rolls over himself, pressing their backs together, with no room in the bed for them to leave space. Roy tucks his hand under his head and toys with the edge of the quilt with the other.
He’s not sure how long they’re like that, but it’s long enough that Roy thinks Jason has fallen asleep. He, on the other hand, can’t even get his eyes to close. His thoughts are too loud, with so many questions and uncertainties in his head that he feels frozen in place. And time ticks on, until Jason sighs, loud, clearly annoyed sounding and Roy tenses up. Not asleep then.
Before he can ask, Jason’s moving, turning over and his arm comes around Roy’s waist. Roy’s heart thunders in his chest and ears as Jason’s arm tightens around his body and he pulls them together. Roy’s breathing picks up, and yet he’s still frozen in place as he stares across the room with wide eyes.
“Guess I’ve gotta do fucking everything, don’t I?” Jason murmurs, and his breath tickles against the hairs on the back of Roy’s neck. Roy’s mouth falls open, he can hear the pathetic wet noise it makes in the quiet of the room when it moves to form words that don’t come out.
Jason swallows audibly and sits up. His arm is still around Roy, but when he tips his head back to look up at the younger, he can see the uncertainty on his face. “Unless I’m not as good at reading people as I thought.”
Roy blinks slowly and swallows. He tries to speak again, and it takes a moment, but he does find his voice this time. “What do you think you’re reading?”
“You’re nervous because you don’t want to be found out. And not just by the druggies, but by me.” Jason’s face stays unreadable. Roy gives himself a moment to take in his features. He turns and lays back down, but his hand lowers to cover Jason’s, keeping it around his waist.
“Guess you get to keep your rep, then.” Roy’s voice is barely above a whisper. Jason snorts and settles back into the bed, tangling their legs together.
“At least we’ll be believable if they catch us fucking spooning.” Jason jokes and Roy fidgets a little. He knows Jason wouldn’t be cruel enough to play with him like that, to act as though maybe this was more just so that it could be believable. At least, Roy hopes he wouldn’t be that cruel.
“You don’t have to do this,” Roy murmurs. Jason’s hand moves so that he can get his fingers between Roy’s own, giving his hand a light squeeze.
“Yes, I do. Because we both know you never would have initiated anything between us.”
Us, insinuating that there was something there. Roy’s chest feels tight, and it takes a lot of effort for him to be able to breathe past it. “You’ve never made it feel like there was a reason to.”
“And you have? I made it obvious for years I had a crush on you, and I know you saw it.”
“Always just thought you were being a stupid kid.”
“I was a stupid kid. Then I found out about everything else, the dark parts that made up Roy Harper, the shit that ruined you, that you fucking pushed through, that you fought. I took my own fall, and I fucking struggled to get back up. And I know you did too, but I watched you, and you fucking amazed me. Because you didn’t let it define you, you didn’t let it take hold of you and become you. I almost did. You’re an inspiration, and then it stopped being a crush, but I didn’t want to keep pushing, because I didn’t think you were interested.”
Roy has no idea what the hell he’s meant to say to that. Jason’s hand slides up his arm, but it doesn’t travel higher than his forearm. He grips him, and Roy swallows again, trying and failing to digest everything. “Kind of always thought that it would never happen. But you stuck around, and I knew there was something more to it, but I thought I was kidding myself.”
“You’re stronger than you think, Jason.” Roy finally finds his voice again. He takes a slow breath and closes his eyes. “Life has tried to tear you down over and over, and you have fought, over and over, only to be beaten down. You’ve always had to prove yourself; you’ve always had to force the world to see that you’re more than what everyone sees you as. And I see it, I see you. You’re incredible, Jay. You could have given up, but you won’t, and that’s… there’s no word to describe that.”
Jason doesn’t say anything, and Roy knows exactly what that feels like. They’ve both just torn themselves open and shown each other everything. Jason made the first move, so Roy takes it on himself to do something now. Because Jason can’t just be the only one to do it all, otherwise this won’t last. And Roy doesn’t want that.
He turns over again, meeting Jason’s gaze. It’s still hard to look at him with how close they are. He wets his lips, but he doesn’t lean in, even though it's right there, Jason’s right fucking there. “I’m not as good at reading people-”
“Fucking hell, shut up and kiss me, Harper.” Jason groans, ducking his head. Roy moves forward, his arms coming around Jason in a tight hold as their lips meet. Jason holds him just as tight, maybe tighter, pulling them firmly together as he kisses him with so much force that all Roy can do is return it as best as he’s able to.
They pull back, panting. Jason’s hand comes up to tuck a few stray hairs back from Roy’s face. “I thought you were going to kiss me before. When I realised you weren’t going to… I thought maybe I was reading you wrong.”
“No, I’m just… I’m a fucking idiot.” Roy laughs. Jason doesn’t grin, not like Roy thinks he’s going to, that smug upturn of his lip. No, he smiles, and it’s fucking fond, and Roy’s brain screams at him; holy shit.
“I wouldn’t change you for it,” Jason admits, and Roy’s heart feels like it sings. Jason leans in and kisses him again. Softer, almost careful. A brief press of their lips.
Roy lifts his hand and lightly traces his finger down Jason’s jaw. He has no idea what to do with all of the emotions that are racing through his body right now. He feels so light, so free, and yet there’s a lot he feels needs to be said. Things they don’t really have time to talk about right now. Jason lifts his own hand and pokes the centre of Roy’s forehead.
“Time to shut that off for a moment, alright? Stay in the moment, we’ll have all the time you need to talk later.” Jason states. Roy chews his lip and nods slowly.
“Keep kissing me.”
Jason grins and pulls Roy in again. The bed doesn’t feel so small anymore.