Chapter Text
“So you’re the one who’s been stealing all my cigarettes.”
You turned to see Jake stepping out onto the porch with you, the pack of cigarettes you’d definitely just nicked from in his hand. You’d been about to take a drag but lowered it, a little shy.
“Yeah, sorry,” you said.
He waved you off with a smile. “‘S ok. I don’t mind.”
He lit one of his own and stood at the railing with you, blowing a thin stream of smoke out into the cool night air.
“You alright?” he asked.
You shook your head. “I don’t know how much longer I can keep up the act, Jake.”
He grinned. “I warned you.”
The worst part of it was that he had, and you’d foolishly believed that you would be able to go through this week acting like everything was normal. But it wasn’t normal — you were spending a week in the mountains with your best friends, and you were completely head over heels for one of them.
You took another drag from your cigarette. “How am I supposed to just... pretend that I don’t want to kiss him every time I see him?”
Jake grimaced. “Graphic.”
You couldn’t help a wry smile. Kissing was one of the least graphic thoughts you’d had.
Jake shrugged. “I don’t know. You could always just... tell him.”
“Oh, sure,” you scoffed. “Let me just waltz right up to Josh Kiszka and tell him I’m in love with him.”
“Tell him what?”
You and Jake both turned at the sound of Sam’s voice, a scorching blush rising to your cheeks. He was halfway out the door, and the stunned expression on his face would have been funny if you hadn’t been so mortified.
“Sam — ” you started.
“Oh no,” he said, cutting off your explanation before you’d even thought of a good one. He leaned his back against the railing on your other side, effectively bracketing you in. “Spill.”
You huffed. “There’s nothing to spill.”
“There’s plenty to spill,” Jake chimed in, giving his brother a knowing look. Sam grinned.
“Aw, look, Jakey,” Sam said, lightly touching a hand to your cheek. “She’s blushing.”
You batted his hand away. “I’m not blushing. Don’t you two have anything better to be doing right now? Writing songs, maybe?”
“We’re all done for the night,” Jake said. “So you might as well tell Sammy all about it.”
“Wait, how do you know when I don’t?” Sam asked. He looked at you. “I gotta say, I don’t feel very loved right now.”
You rolled your eyes. “I love you, ok? Just because I didn’t want to tell you about my stupid, idiotic crush on your brother doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”
“But you told Jake,” he pressed.
Jake laughed. “Yeah, because of that time I caught her looking at Josh like he was her last meal a few months ago.”
“Shut up,” you said, giving his shoulder a shove.
“A few months ago?” Sam asked. “God, were you ever gonna tell me? At this rate, you might as well have just sent me the wedding invitation to let me know.”
Even the thought of being at the point where you would be sending out wedding invitations for you and Josh made your head spin. You really had it bad.
“Well, I’m never telling anyone else,” you said cooly. “So, there.”
Sam smirked. “If you think I’m not telling Danny, you’re crazy.”
You and Jake shared a look. He knew as well as you did that Danny already knew, and that the two of you shared the undesirable fate of being hopelessly in love with a Kiszka brother.
“Oh, come on,” Sam pouted. “Danny already knows, doesn’t he?”
“Yes,” you said, “but not because I love him more than you. Ok?”
“Fine,” Sam said, mollified. He held his hand out to Jake for a cigarette but kept his attention on you. “I still want all the details.”
You shrugged. “There’s not any details.” Josh was your best friend, and you’d been in love with him since the day you met him — it was as simple as that.
“I’ve just... had a crush on Josh forever,” you said. “It’s stupid.”
Jake gave you a sympathetic smile. “It’s not stupid. But I don’t think you can call it a crush any more, honey.”
Sam narrowed his eyes at you, as if just realizing something.
“Wait — is that why you made me switch seats with you on the way here?”
You blushed. Like the gentlemen they were, the boys had offered you the passenger seat for the road trip, but you’d insisted that Sam have it. You’d been happily squished between Josh and Danny in the backseat for the whole ride.
“Oh, god, and you leaned your head on his shoulder when you fell asleep,” Sam remembered, amused distaste in his tone. He shook his head. “I should have known.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t know,” you admitted. You’d gotten a little out of hand, recently; you might as well have twirled your hair around your finger and batted your eyelashes every time you spoke to Josh for all the good your attempted subtlety was doing.
“I said she should just tell him,” Jake offered.
“No,” you said again, horrified at the thought.
“Aw, come on,” Sam said. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
You put your cigarette out against the railing. “Oh, I don’t know — he could say that he didn’t feel the same way?”
“No,” Jake broke in. “The worst that could happen is if he said he loved you like a sibling or something. Then you’d have to live with the knowledge that the guy you’re in love with thinks of you the same way he thinks of Sammy.”
You and Sam both winced.
“Yeah, that is the worst that could happen,” Sam agreed. He cocked his head at you. “But I don’t think he’d say that.”
You bit your lip. “Why not?”
Both boys grinned at you.
“Ugh, you two are so aggravating,” you said, though you didn’t really mean it. You were glad that Sam knew too, and that you didn’t have to keep your cards so close to your chest any more.
“I’m just saying,” Sam said, one hand up in a gesture of surrender. “I think Jake’s right. You should just tell him. See where it goes.”
You had a brief flash of sympathy for Danny, and wondered how Sam would feel if Danny took that advice too.
Jake’s phone chimed, and you and Sam both looked over his shoulder to see who was texting him at this hour.
“We’re supposed to be off the grid,” Sam said, reading the name of Jake’s girlfriend from the notification.
Jake smirked. “Yeah, well, some of us fessed up to our crushes and now have beautiful girlfriends to text.”
He put out his cigarette and pocketed his phone. “Do me a favor and keep everyone out of the bedroom for a while, ok?”
Between you and Sam, you managed an impressive amount of fake gagging.
“Alright, alright,” Jake laughed. “But... seriously.”
He gave Sam’s shoulder a light punch by way of a goodbye. “Sam, keep her out of trouble.”
Sam gave him a salute. “Aye aye, captain.”
Jake kissed your cheek. “And you — take it easy, ok?”
You hummed, not sure if you could follow his directions. “I’ll try my best.”
Jake headed inside, already calling his girlfriend before he got in the door, and you leaned back against the railing as Sam finished off his cigarette.
“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know if you’d be happy about it,” you said.
He raised a brow. “Why wouldn’t I be happy about it?”
You shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought you’d be worried about it messing up our friendship, or something.”
“Kiddo,” he said, like all the boys had since you first started hanging out with them. “You’re our best friend. I don’t think there’s anything you could do that would mess that up.”
“Not even if I admitted that I was in love with Josh and he... didn’t feel the same way?” The words tasted bitter in your mouth.
Sam looked like he was actually considering that, and you appreciated that he cared enough to give it some thought.
“You want to know a secret?” he asked.
You smiled. “Sure.”
He stuck his cigarette in his mouth and brushed his hair back, like he did when he smoked on stage. He’d told you a while ago that he only started smoking during shows because he was nervous, but now he liked the air of mystery and broodiness it gave him — at least according to some fans on Instagram.
He met your eyes. “I have a bombshell crush that could wreck the whole thing too.”
Your heart skipped a beat. It was either Danny or you, and you’d be screwed if it was you.
“It’s not you,” he said quickly, a nervous smile flitting across his face. “I wouldn’t tell you to fess up to Josh and then tell you I liked you right after — that’d be messed up.”
You smiled, but you still felt that jittery kind of excitement. “It’s Danny, isn’t it?”
In the hazy light of the moon, you saw his cheeks pink.
“Yeah, it’s Danny,” he said, uncharacteristically bashful. Oh, he had it bad too — Sam never acted like this.
You felt a rush of excitement on Danny’s behalf. Danny had always been a good buddy to you, but you’d grown especially close in recent months. You’d lost count of the times you’d gone over to his apartment at odd hours to drown your sorrows together with his signature margaritas, or snuck out of parties when both of you felt the pressure of your respective yearnings grow too hard to handle. Danny had been in love with Sam at least as long as you’d been in love with Josh, if not longer, and you were thrilled to bits that Sam felt the same way about Danny.
But, it wasn’t your secret to tell.
You nudged your shoulder against Sam’s. “You two would be great together.”
He smiled. “You think so?”
“Yeah,” you said sincerely. You couldn’t keep the smile off your face. “Maybe you should take your own advice and tell him.”
He grimaced. “Yeah... I don’t know. You get it.”
You did, but you also knew that Sam’s love confession wasn’t going to end in rejection. If you had that same assurance, you’d tell Josh in a heartbeat.
“I still think you should tell him,” you said. “I’m pretty sure...”
How much could you divulge without giving away Danny’s secret?
“You’re pretty sure about what?” Sam asked.
You bit the inside of your cheek. “I’m pretty sure it’ll go the way you want it to.”
Sam’s brows shot up. “Why? Has he said anything to you?”
“No,” you lied, quickly trying to patch things up. God, you wanted to tell him so bad. “I mean... I just think that... you and Danny together makes sense. Anyone can see that.”
Sam looked pleased but not entirely convinced. “I could say the same to you.”
“Me and Josh?” you said, trying to tamp down the butterflies you felt. You shook your head. “We’re not... that’s not...”
Nothing about you and Josh together made sense. He was Josh Kiszka, for god’s sake — rising star, charming as the devil, notorious ladies’ man. This time next year he’d be playing freakin’ Madison Square Garden, and you’d still be the small town girl who got to tag along when he was getting famous.
You crossed your arms over your chest. That wasn’t fair, you knew — neither Josh nor any of the boys would treat you any differently, no matter how famous they got. They’d loved you when you were in middle school, wearing braces and failing chemistry; they’d always love you, no matter what.
But that still didn’t change how insecure you felt when you pictured you and Josh together. How could you ever compete with the thousands of beautiful, exciting girls he met? How could he ever see you as more than a friend?
“Hey,” Sam said. It was his turn to bump his shoulder against yours, seeming to know where your thoughts were tending.
“Josh would be lucky to have you,” he said, with such ease and sincerity that you couldn’t help but smile.
“You think so?”
He smiled. “Yeah, kiddo, I think so.”
He put his cigarette out. “And I think if you tell him how you feel... I’ll tell Danny how I feel.”
“Really?” The thought that by the end of this trip, you’d know for sure, and your secret would be out — you didn’t know how to feel. Excited? Nervous? Queasy?
Sam shrugged, but he couldn’t hide his nervous smile. “Sure. What better time to spill our secrets than when we’re all staying in one house with no escape?”
You winced. “Yeah, when you put it that way...”
He slung his arm over your shoulders and pulled you close.
“Ah, it’ll be fine,” he said. “Just a couple of romantics, finally admitting our deepest darkest secrets.”
You leaned your head on his shoulder. “I love you, Sammy.”
He kissed your forehead. “I love you too.”
He stole the hair tie from your wrist and used it to put his hair up. “And if it all goes to hell, Jake can referee.”
“You can write songs by carrier pigeon, huh?” you teased.
He smirked. “Yeah, and you can hide out in the bedroom and wait for the daily reports on how things are going.”
He was kidding, but you would hide out in the bedroom if things went south. You could barely stand to be around Josh when he didn’t know how you felt; you couldn’t imagine how hard it would be if he knew and didn’t feel the same way.
If he did feel the same way, though...
“Alright, fine,” you said, before you could talk yourself out of it. “When are we telling them?”
Sam thought for a moment. “Not before breakfast, because Danny’s making french toast, and I want him on my good side. And not before the hike tomorrow, either, because I’d hate for you to get left out for the wolves to eat.”
You laughed. “You think Josh would rather leave me out for the wolves than be around me, if it doesn’t go well?”
“I’m just trying to cover all our bases here,” he said. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know... I don’t want to screw up this week if it goes bad. I can handle sitting around the bonfire with Danny with my secret crush, but I don’t know if I could handle it if he rejected me.”
You felt the same way.
“Well,” you said. “Let’s do it on the last day, then.” That would give you five days to get your heads on right and think of what you were going to say, and it would give you time together that wasn’t marked by anything unhappy.
“Five days,” Sam said. He met your eyes. “Are we really going to change... literally everything in five days?”
You smiled. “Yep.”
“Okay,” he agreed, smiling back at you. “I guess we should get Jake in on the plan, huh?”
“Yeah, but not right now,” you said. “He’s... busy.”
“Bleh,” Sam said. “I forgot.”
He gave you a sly grin. “Okay, then — I guess we’ll go find out what Danny and Josh are doing.”
“Fine, but we have to be normal,” you said. “No... giggling. Or whatever.”
Sam laughed. “Cross my heart. No giggling.”
He held the front door open for you, and you smiled to yourself as you both went in search of Danny and Josh. You were excited for Sam and Danny — they were going to be great together, the classic best friends turned lovers, and you were so happy for them.
But you and Josh? You didn’t have any such certainty about the two of you. You knew you couldn’t allow yourself to think of how wonderful it would really be if he loved you too — you’d go crazy. You’d do something stupid, like kiss him or ask him to marry you.
You felt your heart jump when you found the boys and Josh gave you a beaming smile.
Oh, this was going to be a very long five days.