Archive of Our Own

Initially, it is an accident.

He’s just grabbing a few things from the store. It is his first outing alone since he came to Palmetto. His hands are sweaty and his heart is beating fast and hard. There is a ringing in his ears. His fingers are tingling, threatening numbness, but his left hand pulses with phantom pain. 

All over a quick trip into the gas station. Pathetic.

Kevin’s making his way to the counter when he catches sight of the book. There’s a man on the front in a uniform he doesn’t recognise, exy racquet across his shoulders, both his wrists hooked around it as he smirks up at Kevin. He doesn’t read the title, doesn’t look at the blurb, too focused on getting out. The back of his neck feels prickly. He’s convinced everyone is looking at him, Kevin Day, whispering about him and his fall from grace. Kevin grabs the book and pays for it with his groceries.

He packs everything into his backpack except the candy bar Andrew asked for, and takes long, fast strides back outside. He pauses at the door for a moment to try and steady his uneven breaths, not wanting to be a panting mess when he gets in the car. 

“Well?” Andrew leans between the back seats as Kevin gets in the passenger side.

“Here.” Kevin hands him the candy bar.

“He means how did it go,” Nicky says from the driver’s seat.

“Fine. It’s just a gas station,” Kevin says, pressing his hands against his thighs to hide the trembling. Andrew’s hand cards through his hair, grips and tilts his head back. Andrew stares into Kevin’s eyes. Kevin stares back, trying to keep his gaze neutral, but he knows Andrew can see right through him. After a moment, Andrew gives a small nod of approval and releases him.

*

Kevin forgets, in the post anxiety blur, about the book. Takes the other things out of his backpack and overlooks it buried at the bottom. It’s a few days before he finds it hidden among his books for class, and he doesn’t have a chance to look at it until he’s back in the dorms.

Too early to go to practice. That weird stage where he’s done with everything he has to do for the day, and he has to fill time before he can get back on the court. Aaron’s in their room, a heavy textbook laid out on the desk. He has earbuds in and doesn’t look up when Kevin comes in, which suits him fine. He just likes the reassurance of existing in space with someone else, he doesn’t want the social interaction. 

He grabs the book out of his bag and decides now is as good a time as any to find out what it’s about. Maybe some focus pieces on certain teams or something. It could be an exy themed word search book for all the attention Kevin gave it in the store. He looks closer now. 

The man on the front is handsome, muscular. Broad shoulders, thin hips, sharp angles to his face, but plush lips. His head is tilted forward so his stare comes through his eyelashes, his mouth tilted in a smirk. His uniform looks several sizes too tight for him, and he’s not wearing all the standard armour. Kevin frowns. He wouldn’t let this man on his court.

Ball Buster, the title reads. Kevin flips the book over to read the back.

Silas is the newbie goalie for the Cherrington Cocks, but it’s not long before there’s tension building between him and team captain Max. Will Max drive Silas off the court, or can the boys find a way to settle the friction between them?

Oh. Oh, fuck. Kevin realises all of a sudden that this is one of those romance novels that horny suburban housewives read. Or, well, maybe not, since it’s not just a romance novel, but a gay one. He glances across at Aaron frantically, suddenly terrified he will just know what Kevin is holding, but Aaron is still focused on his textbook, and Kevin can hear the crackle of his music from his earbuds. He’s not paying attention to him. Kevin looks back at the book again, curious. He can at least read a bit of it and see what the exy descriptions are like. He doesn’t have to finish the book. 

Kevin flicks the first page open and starts to read. It’s definitely not award winning literature, but it drops him right into the story and moves with a swift pace. He’s only a chapter and a half into the book when Silas is caught between Max and one of the changing room lockers.

The metal is cold against Silas’ sweat damp back, but he barely notices, more focused on Max’s heat so close to his front. His breath stirs in and out of him, making his chest rise and fall, the swell of his pecs grazing against Max’s chest. The material of Max’s jersey against his bare skin makes his nipples tingle. 

Kevin glances over at Aaron again, chewing his lip anxiously. He’s still not acknowledged Kevin, but it feels too risky, reading this in broad daylight with Aaron barely a few feet away from him. He closes the book and puts it under his pillow with the current history book he’s been working his way through, then worries someone might accidentally unveil it, so sticks it inside his pillowcase instead. Kevin picks up his book on Pompeii and settles to read it until practice time, feeling safer with this book, though his mind keeps drifting back to the hidden one.

*

He breaks a few nights later, when he has to finish night practice early. He’s been trying to build strength back in his left hand, but Kevin doesn’t know how to accept limits. He’s pushed himself too far. The third time his hand spasms and drops the racquet, he can’t bring himself to pick it up again. He sinks to his knees on the court floor and sobs; broken, painful sounds that refuse to be contained in his chest, his body shaking with them. Andrew leaves him be until he quiets considerably, then he grabs him by the back of his shirt and hauls him up.

“That’s enough,” he says.

“I’m not done.”

“You are. I said I’d protect you. That includes from yourself. Get changed, I’ll clean this up.”

“I can-“

“Now, Kevin.”

He cries again in the shower, but that’s fine, the tears are obscured by the water. His hand is pulsing; hot, throbbing pain. He’s silent on the drive home, staring blankly out the window, the weight of his disappointment stifling. He needs to do better, if he’s going to get back to his level. He needs to be better.

Kevin takes some of the pain meds Abby gave him when he gets back to the dorm, the glass of water shaking in his hand. Aaron is still up with Nicky playing games. He comes into the kitchen when Kevin is swallowing the meds and stares at him, watching the drops of water that spill over the side from the shaking.

“What?” Kevin snaps, feeling hot with anger and embarrassment. Aaron just shrugs and gets a can of Monster from the fridge. Kevin doesn’t even bother with his usual complaint about how bad for him they are. He’s just glad for Aaron leaving again, glad to no longer have someone witnessing his weakness.

Usually the meds help him drift off, but his thoughts won’t stop tonight. About how he used to take for granted moves that feel impossible now. About how he’s gone from one of the best players out there to mediocre. About how, if he can’t get his left hand to work again, he might never get further than collegiate exy.

Kevin tries not to think too hard about that possibility. It makes him feel sick right to the core of himself.

Nicky comes to bed, then Aaron, and eventually even Andrew wanders in, bringing the smell of smoke with him. Kevin lies on the top bunk above him, listens to the sound of him getting ready for bed, and then the familiar noise of all their mixed breathing. Still, he tosses and turns, until eventually he grabs the book out of his pillowcase.

He doesn’t want to disturb anyone with the light, so he takes the book with him to the living room, flopping dramatically on the couch with a long sigh. He’s allowed melodrama when no one’s around to witness it. 

Alright. Let’s see more of this nonsense. Maybe it’ll distract me, at least.

Kevin skims through the book, trying to find his place again. Eventually he does. He stretches on his back, holding the book above him with his right hand, thumb pressed between the pages to keep them open. 

“You let that goal in tonight,” Max says, his face only inches away from Silas’. 

“It was a good score.”

“Bullshit. You could have stopped it.” Max’s finger presses to his chest, and he is terrified Max will feel the frantic beat of his heart, like a frightened rabbit.

Kevin scoffs. Like a frightened rabbit. Oh, god.

“You need to do better if you want to stay on my team.”

“Fuck you.” He tries to push against Max, but he is so big, strong and firm, immovable like a tree. Like a tree! He easily presses Silas back against the locker. Silas gasps.

“Is that what you want?” Max asks. Silas feels his body throb with desire at the whispered words, a stirring somewhere below the waistline of his shorts. Is that what he wants?

Kevin rolls his eyes. The dialogue is so fake, and the descriptions are even worse, and yet. It has stopped him thinking about his hand. It has taken his attention away from the spiralling anxiety in his gut.

Kevin goes to the kitchen and pours himself a drink. It’s over half a glass of vodka, but he’s using a glass. He’s putting the bottle back in the freezer. Most nights he would just take it with him. He just wants something to settle him, help him sleep. Between this, the meds, and the book, he hopes he’ll get there.

Kevin sits on the couch this time and flicks through more. It feels obscene, how heat streaks his cheeks as Max slides his hand into Silas’ shorts and feels his hard, pulsing heat. Feels ridiculous how a slow coil of interest stirs in his stomach as Silas sinks to his knees, Max’s hand on his hair, taking the solid musky weight of him on his tongue, swallowing him down, curling his own hand around the insistent ache of his aroused need. Like, seriously? Aroused need doesn’t even make sense as a metaphor, and yet Kevin finds his own aroused need responding in turn.

He’s a bit ashamed that this is turning him on, but he’s also in that hazy state of arousal where his judgment is fading, overrun by desire. He glances up at the bedroom door. There’s been no sound from the room since he left, but the thought of being caught with his hands down his briefs and a smutty romance in hand is almost enough to entirely kill any arousal.

Almost.

Kevin downs the rest of his vodka and heads for the bathroom. He locks the door, closes the toilet lid, and props himself on top of it. He palms himself over his briefs as he skims the page for his place again. He doesn’t know which position to imagine himself in at first, but eventually settles for Max. Imagines himself with hands pressed against the cool metal of the changing room lockers as someone settles between his legs, as someone runs their hands up his thighs and pulls him urgently closer by the buttocks, as someone whimpers around the thickness of his throbbing meat. 

It’s rough, juvenile writing, but Kevin finds the more he reads, the less the actual words matter. He’s just skim reading over them, taking the vague concept of the scene and painting his own image in his mind. His cock gives a low throb as he finally pushes his briefs down enough to let it out and curls his fingers around it. He’s just starting to get into a good rhythm when-

The chapter ends.

The next chapter Silas is alone in his room. 

“Fuck that,” Kevin says. He shifts the page back, but it’s not as hot now that he knows what’s going to happen in that scene. With a sigh, he keeps his left hand lightly teasing his erection as he speed reads ahead. There’s a lot of internal turmoil from Silas about what just happened, before he gives in to lust and decides to masturbate to the memory of Max. “Okay.”

Kevin’s not sure the masturabation scene will be enough to keep him inspired, but then Silas starts having a whole fantasy about Max tying his hands to the top of the goal (would be quite a stretch, Kevin thinks) and having his way with him on the court.

That thought shouldn’t turn Kevin on as much as it does. He hopes it’s one of those aroused in the moment things and he won’t be thinking about this tomorrow during practice, but it’s not a concern strong enough to stop his hand from speeding up where it’s stroking his cock.

He bites his lip to muffle his sounds as Silas grasps the top of the goal, uses his hold to pull himself up. Max’s hands are squeezing his buttocks as he helps lift him; spreading him, entering him (lube?? They didn’t use lube?? I guess it’s a fantasy sequence, but-), starting to roll his hips as he impales him repeatedly upon the heat of his rod.

Kevin’s grasp goes slack on the book and it slides down against his thigh as he spreads his legs further. He plants his feet on the bathroom tiles, tilting his head back against the cistern, rolling his hips up into the tight circle of his hand. The hand that dropped the book comes to his chest, palm brushing over his nipple, imagining the brush of someone else’s chest against his.

Kevin stifles his moan as he comes hard, cum spilling over his stomach, a few drops making it to his chest. He exhales heavily through his nose, continues stroking himself until he’s oversensitive. His hand falls away and he stays there with his eyes still closed, breath coming in pants. It’s several seconds before he opens his eyes.

In the harsh, unforgiving glare of the fluorescent bathroom light, with the sharpness of post orgasm clarity starting to seep in, he feels quite sheepish. No one knows, and yet he still feels the heat of embarrassment replacing his orgasm glow. Kevin rubs his clean hand over his face. He takes a moment to gather himself, then stands and cleans up, tucking himself back in his briefs.

He looks at the book for a long moment, shame seeping down to the core of him. Kevin considers just throwing it in the bin, but someone might see it, and in spite of himself… now that he’s started it, he kind of wants to know how it ends. Like, if Silas and Max have fucked this early, where else has the story left to go?

So Kevin takes his secret shame back to his room with him and hides it in his pillowcase again.

*

It’s almost a week before he dares take the book out again. It’s during the day this time, as if sunlight might prevent him falling back into his previous sin. Everyone else is still out; at classes or doing something else. Kevin had been anxious when he came back to an empty dorm. He’d spend a while pacing circles around the living room, contemplating going to Wymack’s just so he wouldn’t be alone, but then he’d remembered his book. 

It’s a distraction, if nothing else.

Kevin reaches up to the top bunk and pulls the book out from his pillowcase. Max smirks up at him from the cover. He pulls the chair out from the desk and sinks down into it, flicking through to find his place again. For a while the plot progresses without any porn. There’s some exy practice, which is, to Kevin’s disappointment, only very loosely outlined. There’s some bonding with the team. Silas befriends backliner Clara and striker Tristan, who tell him over a heartfelt conversation in a coffee shop that while Max may come off as gruff and harsh, he’s actually secretly a softie.

Kevin’s sinking into the story now that they’ve gone several chapters without any sex. The writing hasn’t improved any, but it’s an easy read, and it moves quick enough to keep his attention. They win their first game with Silas as goalkeeper, though there’s a frustrating lack of detail of the actual gameplay, and Kevin’s pretty sure the way one of Silas’ saves is described would be impossible. He suspends his disbelief and continues reading about their after party; about Tristan dancing on the bar and Clara being surprisingly good at karaoke, about Max making heated eyes at Silas across the bar all night, though they don’t exchange words. Kevin is tense with anticipation by the time they head home.

Conveniently, everyone else lives in a different direction, so Max and Silas end up walking together alone. Silas feels awkward after their silence, but hyper aware of the weight of tension between them. Max keeps walking closer to him.

It is like static in the small distance between their bodies. Silas is sure he can feel it crackling, like when you put on a sweater out of the dryer and feel the static on it. He is so tense he almost jumps when Max’s hand grazes against his. Max pretends not to notice, or maybe he really does not, as Silas’ stomach does wild cartwheels. Their hands brush again, more firmly this time, and Max looks at him. Silas licks his lips, then Max is closing the distance between them. Max crashes into Silas and then he is the one licking his lips for him. They stumble into the bushes, Silas caught between moaning and laughing.

Kevin is concerned that after the court fantasy, they might actually be going to just fuck in the bushes, but thankfully they don’t. There’s a time jump and then they’re in Silas’ room, Max forcefully ripping Silas’ clothes from his smaller frame in his frantic desire. There is again no mention of lube as they crash into each other (why are they always crashing?) and tumble into bed. 

Beads of sweat slide down Max’s face, his dark hair clutching onto his skin, droplets of sweat falling from him onto Silas’ chest as he settles between his legs. His pulsing heat feels so solid and large as it invades Silas, plunging into the depths of him.

Yeah, it’s definitely awful, and yet Kevin feels a little stirring of interest again. It’s not insistent. It’s something he could nurture into real arousal, but he thinks he could also ignore it and it would be alright. So he does. He keeps reading and he doesn’t think about his body. The tingle in his stomach is just a tingle, does not become anything more. That’s good to know. He hasn’t conditioned himself into a Pavlovian arousal response. Not yet, anyway.

By the time Nicky comes back, crashing through the doorway, calling out to see if anyone is already back, Kevin has finished the book. There had been a whole reveal of Max having a past boyfriend who cheated on him, and with a woman!, which was the reason for him being so emotionally closed off. Of course Silas had won his way into his heart and changed his views on life and love, and after winning the trophy (though it was never specified what competition they were playing in, which Kevin found an annoying oversight), they kissed on the court, revealing their relationship to the team, and confirming that Max was agreeing to them being more than just sex. 

It was cliche, predictable, and yet it had distracted Kevin from his anxiety, stopped a potential attack. 

He’s a little sad to be finished it.

*

Kevin’s second outing alone since he came to Palmetto, he doesn’t even ask Andrew for a lift. He goes for his morning run - something he doesn’t count, since it’s too early for him to meet people at any close proximity, something that he’s been building up over the last few months - and he stops by the gas station. Now that he’s looking for them, he sees there’s several other books of a similar category. Not all of them are exy themed, but there’s a few, tucked in at the bottom of the other novels. 

Kevin grabs himself a new book. The title reads Fast & Loose. He doesn’t meet the cashier’s eyes as he pays, and it feels like he’s moving twice as fast on his run home. He hides the book under his shirt, and then when he’s grabbing clean clothes before he showers, he tucks it in the drawer among his underwear.

*

He gets bolder about his books, the more he reads. Learns to tuck them inside other books so people can’t see the covers. He buys one of those reading lights you can clip onto books so he can read in his bunk at night. He works his way through several authors and starts to find favourites. Most of them write to the same calibre, and then, seeming incredible in comparison to her peers (if they are actually a woman and not just a funny pseudonym), is Vi B. Rater. 

It is to Kevin’s anguish that Rater only has three exy themed books to her (their?) name, but they are fast favourites of his, books he returns to when he’s particularly anxious. The cheap paperbacks are starting to get fold lines in the covers and along the spines from how often he opens them. The exy details, while still sparse, are at least accurate, and the lack of official genitalia terminology is ever present (Kevin thinks perhaps because they’re marketed romance words like cock, penis, and dick are banned), but the characters actually! Use! Lube! (Though only one of their books centres solely on a gay couple; one is sapphic, and the other follows a bi mess caught between two love entanglements. That’s Kevin’s favourite. Definitely not because it’s the most steamy. Shut up.)

*

It’s that book that Kevin is reading when they go to meet Neil Josten. He actually got a digital download of it onto his phone, so he can discreetly read it on the flight to Millport. He’s downloaded several history podcasts and has a book on the French Revolution with him, but is too worked up to focus on facts. Sinking back into the familiarity of an old story is easier.

Neil Josten is Kevin’s draft. His pick that he fought for. Amateur in style, but he plays with such a hunger, Kevin can see the potential so clearly. He knows, he just knows that if he could direct that energy, he could make Josten something really special. He could make him good enough for Court. 

But as Kevin’s pick, the outcome of this weighs heavy on him. He remembers his failure in attempting to enlist Andrew, though now he’s eternally grateful that Andrew avoided being tied to the Ravens, but the taste of rejection still lingers in the back of his throat. 

Andrew is tapping his leg repeatedly beside Kevin, bumping his own. Usually he’s the one jangling with nervous energy, but Andrew’s distaste for flying is starting to show. Wymack grumbles from his seat by the window when Andrew jostles against him, but there’s no real bite to his words. There never is.

Kevin likes that about him. Kevin thinks maybe he would have been a good dad to grow up with. That never shouted or lashed out. Kevin looks hard at him sometimes, and he thinks, that’s my dad. It’s weird. He feels disconnected from the fact, but also powerful that he holds that information and Wymack doesn’t know. I’m his son.

He’s thought about telling him, but even imagining saying the words gets them all caught in his throat. Anyway, how disappointing it would be to find out the broken mess that showed up sobbing and bleeding at your hotel room, pleading for help, is your son. Pathetic. That’s a rejection Kevin has the power to avoid. He has to face Josten, take this risk, but he doesn’t have to play out the risk with Wymack. He can just take what they have. Accept his support as another member of the team, as Kayleigh Day’s son, the woman he gets so wistful and misty eyed talking about.

It’s fine.

It’s not fine, but if Kevin thinks about it too much, it tilts him towards an anxiety attack, so it just has to be fine. He opens up the book on his phone because he’s starting to think too much about it now. He doesn’t want to think about his life, so he steps into someone else’s.

Three’s A Crowd

Striker Kayden has always found it easy to score. Perhaps that’s how he ends up caught between two lovers; two sexy backliners from opposing teams. The lovemaking is amazing with Tristian, the old flame from his previous team, but outside of the physical, Tristan’s standoffish nature leads only to fights. Meanwhile, Aria of the Perryview Phoenix’s shares an intimacy with him both in and out of the bedroom. Kayden’s only used to being hurt; will he take the easier option of physical passion with Tristian, or can he open up and accept a softer love?

Kevin flicks down past the publisher details and cover pages to the start of the book, relaxing fractionally as his thoughts shift away from Millport and focus on the text. 

Sweat traces a slow, sliding path down the back of Kayden’s neck as he works his legs hard, racing for the ball…

*

The Millport meeting does not go how Kevin would have liked it to. Andrew almost cracking Neil Josten’s ribs was not in his plan, but Kevin’s appeal must break through the jittery desire to bolt, because in the end, they leave with a signed contract.

He has a weird sense of accomplishment. He has been successful before. Even now, nursing back from his injury, he still has fiercely supportive fans, but this feels different. This isn’t something he was pushed or coerced into. This isn’t something orchestrated around him. This is not something led by Evermore.

Kevin made a choice, by himself, and stood by it, and it worked out.

“Well, that’s him on board,” Wymack says, patting Kevin’s shoulder as they line up for security at the airport. “Now let’s see what you can do with him.

*

“Is that the Kevin Day?” 

Kevin starts so violently he almost drops his book. He’s sitting in the locker room of the Foxhole Court, a place he never expected to be disturbed, considering it’s still summer and no one else has been using the court. His nerves jangle from the shock, and then he’s a blend of anxious and angry, until his eyes settle on the intruder, and there is no space for any other emotion besides delighted surprise.

“Jeremy?”

“In the flesh,” Jeremy Knox says, beaming at him. Kevin laughs; a sound of pure joy that slides free from him without his control. Jeremy is moving for him before he even stands, and he half tackles him back onto the bench.

Kevin curls his arms around him and clutches Jeremy to him. It feels so strange to have the solid warmth of him in his arms, when for so long he’s just been a presence through a screen, Kevin’s whole support system condensed down to the rectangular box of his phone.

When Jeremy had heard of Kevin’s departure from the Nest, he’d hassled Coach Rhemann until he sent his number to Coach Wymack. Kevin had left his old phone behind when he fled, had lost any contact details. He hadn’t thought anyone would be trying to get in touch, but when he texted Jeremy that he’d gotten his number, Jeremy blew up his phone.

He told Kevin he’d tried contacting the number he had for him but couldn’t get through. That he didn’t believe the news reports and wanted the story from him. That he couldn’t think of any other way to reach him. Kevin, who had not only been nursing the pain of his healing injury, but miserable from his failed attempts to connect with a team who seemed to hate him, had broken down at this display of genuine concern.

He told Jeremy the truth of what happened to his hand; an honesty he had only afforded a few. He told him about Riko’s abuse, his own guilt at leaving Jean, the way he thought things would be different outside the Nest, but the Foxes had no time for him either, and maybe he’d just never fit in anywhere.

I have time for you. 

I’d have snatched you right up for the Trojans if I’d have known.

I could try and pull some strings if you’re really unhappy 😏😌

Kevin had thanked him, but declined. The one truth he didn’t give Jeremy was about Wymack. Even admitting that to someone else was too hard. He wanted the chance to know his father, even if he couldn’t tell him.

From then, Jeremy took it as a personal challenge to make sure Kevin didn’t feel completely alone. He texted him constantly, and they had calls occasionally, even FaceTime calls where Kevin would get to see Jeremy in all his smiling brightness. He was always small and handheld, though. It feels so incredibly different to be holding him now, warm and solid and real.

“What are you doing here?” Kevin asks. Jeremy’s curls are tickling his nose, and one is curling against his eye, but he doesn’t care. A small price to pay for the warmth of a Jeremy Knox hug.

“Rhemann had some business with Wymack and I begged to tag along. I wanted to see you before school starts again and we have to wait until we’re playing against each other.”

“Ha. If the Foxes make it that far.”

Jeremy sits back, his expression stern and serious. He takes Kevin’s cheeks in his hands and Kevin feels a tingle run through him. It feels like a moment from one of his books, like the static sparking he often reads about.

“Kevin Day, you are going to get far enough to play against us. I demand it.”

“Oh, well, if you demand it.” Kevin smiles. It feels like the easiest a smile has come to him in a while. “Who am I to disobey Jeremy Knox?”

“Exactly. We’ll face off and I’ll get to wipe the floor with you.”

“Oh, with me? Me specifically?”

“Uhhuh.” Jeremy leans in, so close that Kevin can see the freckles across his nose in detail, can see the line of every lash. He tries not to look at Jeremy’s mouth, focusing on his eyes instead; the bright blue of California skies, with darker waves around the pupil like the ocean. 

“We’ll see about that,” Kevin says.

“How about we see now? Were you going to practice?” Jeremy shifts himself off of Kevin’s lap. Kevin immediately misses the warmth, but he’s excited at the prospect of practicing with Jeremy. Until Jeremy bends down and lifts his book from the floor. “Oh, sorry I knocked down your… Oh, hey, is this a sexy book?”

“Uh, it’s- It’s, Uhm.”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed, Kevin. I have a hard time concentrating long enough to read anymore, but maybe I’d be able to focus if my books had a sexy exy player on the front. A s-exy player, if you will.”

Kevin rolls his eyes and reaches for the book. Jeremy holds it out of his reach, bouncing back from Kevin. 

“Hard Ball. Henry Murphy, captain of the Clearwater Sirens - shit, that’s a great name - has been putting his all into a team that has been scraping the bottom of the league tables for three years. He hopes with help of new coach Rick McCanon, and a change of line up, he can finally shape his team up to the standard he knows they can be, but it’s not long before Henry and Coach McCanon are butting heads. Coach insists on putting Henry through his paces, in more than just on the court… Will Henry play nice for the sake of his team, or will his stubborn streak insist on playing hard ball? This sounds kinky. Maybe you should give me some recs.”

Kevin’s face is burning so much he’s sure Jeremy must feel the heat waves coming off of him. Jeremy finally looks up at Kevin’s face and his expression softens. He comes closer and presses the book to Kevin’s chest, putting his hand over Kevin’s when Kevin reaches up to grab it.

“Honestly, Kevin. I think it’s cool you like reading. I’m not trying to make fun of you. I’m sorry if it felt like I was.” He reaches up, and his palm is cool against Kevin’s face. Kevin leans into the touch, shutting his eyes. He still feels mortified. He knows that is his own shame, is behaviour learned from Riko always undermining his interests, his opinions, his everything. He knows Jeremy would never be mean to him on purpose, that he holds no malicious intent towards Kevin, and this is his idea of playful teasing.

“I know,” Kevin says, sighing against Jeremy’s wrist.

“How about we go play with our own hard balls on the court?” Jeremy tries to waggle his eyebrows but is unsuccessful and a tad ridiculous. Kevin laughs, taking the book and putting it in the bottom of his locker.

“You’re on, Knox.”

*

He dabbles in historical romance as well, given the limited supply of exy novels. These incense him more than the exy ones, though, with the ridiculousness of some of their historical inaccuracies. Not to mention the wording for the intimate parts during sex scenes are even more obscene than with the novels in more modern settings.

There is a series on Roman soldiers he takes quite a liking to, but in the end, he gravitates back to the exy ones again and again.

*

As it turns out, Kevin can do quite a lot with Neil Josten. 

As it turns out, Neil Josten is a lot more than any of them were expecting.

Kevin doesn’t find a lot of time to read during that messy season, but he keeps a book on him, just in case. 

He rereads a lot after Thanksgiving, with Andrew gone, and Aaron and Nicky quiet and miserable. With his anxiety an almost constant background noise. He catches Nicky crying a lot, but worse is the soft, muffled sound of Aaron in the late hours of the night, buried under blankets, trying his best to hide it. He’s taken to sleeping in Andrew’s bed. No one says anything about it.

Kevin has been having nightmares again. Finds himself often lying awake. He is just thinking of turning his reading light on when he hears the sound from the bunk beneath him. He bites his lip hard enough to hurt, wondering if he should say something.

But what is there to say to that?

*

Christmas is worse.

The Boyd house is warm and welcoming. Nicky, excited to be socialising outside of his family circle, is bright and festive. He hasn’t taken his paper crown off all day and he chats enthusiastically to Randy as he helps her in the kitchen. Kevin can play the charming guest when attention is directly on him, but otherwise he feels hollow and void, worry about Neil eating at him.

Aaron is the first to go to bed. It’s barely nine, early by their standards, but Randy just gives him a soft smile when he stands. He and Nicky had spoken briefly to Andrew on the phone that morning and Aaron has said few words since.

Kevin gives him twenty minutes. He pretends to be falling asleep on the couch, so when he stirs and makes his own excuses for bed, no one questions it. He goes to Aaron’s room and pauses outside the door. Kevin’s chest feels tight at the sound. Pained, choked sobs, coming out shakily, Aaron struggling to catch his breath between them. Kevin listens for a moment, then leaves to give him privacy.

He goes to his own room and dresses in shorts and a t-shirt for bed. He feels very tired now, and does consider actually just getting into bed, but eventually he stands and heads back to Aaron’s room. It’s quiet now. Kevin knocks lightly on the door.

“What?” Aaron’s voice is gruff, but stuffy. Kevin sighs and rests his forehead against the door.

“Just checking you’re alright.”

“Yes. Go away.”

“Aaron-“

Aaron opens the door and Kevin nearly falls on top of him. His skin is so pale it makes the pink around his eyes even more obvious; along his lash line and the curve beneath his eyebrows. He glares up at Kevin. 

“What?”

There’s a lot of things Kevin wants to say, but in the face of Aaron’s angry defensiveness, he can’t put them into words. So he just says: “Can I sit with you a while? It’s too loud down there, but I don’t want to be alone.”

Aaron’s jaw tenses, and Kevin waits for the door to slam in his face, but eventually he just shrugs and leaves it open behind him.

Kevin comes into the room and gently closes the door. Aaron goes into the en-suite and Kevin hears running water. He comes out with his face washed and his hair pushed back, looking so much younger and softer.

“Stop staring at me,” Aaron says. “You can stay, but you don’t need to look at me.”

“Okay.”

Aaron sits on one side of his bed and lifts his phone. After a moment, his thumbs start texting with speed. Kevin assumes he’s talking to Katelyn. He settles on the other side of the bed and brings up his book on his phone. 

Kevin falls asleep with his phone on his chest. He wakes in the morning with the blanket over him and Aaron curled tight into a ball beside him. He’s so curled up his forehead is resting against Kevin’s bicep. He breathes softly in his sleep. Kevin looks at him for a moment. He glances towards the door. He sets his phone aside, readjusts the blanket around Aaron’s shoulders, and goes back to sleep.

*

Neil comes back, changed and scarred, but intact.

Andrew comes back, silent and withdrawn, but intact.

Mostly. All of them mostly intact. 

But Neil is on a countdown now. Kevin trains him every night, tries not to think about the looming deadline of finals.

Except Neil’s timer is set to a different end date, and he’s gone before Kevin even realises.

*

Kevin opens and closes and opens and closes his book on his phone in those long stretches of waiting; on the bus, in the hotel. He can’t concentrate. His throat hurts and everytime he closes his eyes for too long he feels like he’s suffocating, feels phantom pressure against his windpipe. It aches to speak, so he stays silent.

Aaron doesn’t speak to him, but he gravitates near Kevin whenever they’re in common space together. Sometimes they share secret, silent glances. Kevin doesn’t really know what he’s seeing in Aaron’s eyes. He can’t guess what Aaron is seeing in his. 

All he does know is that he doesn’t miss the way Aaron always plants himself between Kevin and wherever Andrew is in regards to him.

*

Kevin slams his book down on his lap when the door to his room in the cabin opens, hiding the cover. Aaron raises an eyebrow at the sudden display. He’s wearing one of Nicky’s cardigans over an old band shirt and faded pyjama trousers. It comes right down to his shins, and there’s quite an overlap when he wraps it around himself. He looks small and soft, but his lower lip is swollen and slightly flushed.

“What happened to you?” Kevin asks, as Aaron comes into the room. 

“What do you mean?”

“Your lip.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“A sure fire sentence to make me worry about it,” Kevin says. Aaron waves his concern away, sitting at the foot of his bed.

“What’re you reading?”

“Nothing,” Kevin says, closing his book over. He very quickly flashes Aaron the cover; just a shot of a court that definitely does not look suspicious. “Exy theory.”

“Why would Kevin Day need to read up on exy theory?”

“You can always learn more.”

“I feel you’d struggle to learn from anyone. I feel you’d be telling them they’re doing it wrong.”

“How about you tell me what really happened to your mouth and I’ll tell you what I’m reading.”

“Touché,” Aaron says. They’re quiet for a while. Aaron picks fluff from his cardigan. Kevin stores his book in the bedside table. He feels safer once it’s fully out of view. 

“Done getting drunk?” he says.

“I think I’m drunk enough. I don’t like talking too much around that lot.”

“That lot are your team.”

“And yours. Yet you’re hiding in your room.”

“And you’re here with me.”

Aaron shrugs. Kevin waits, but he doesn’t say anything more.

“Why don’t you like talking around them?”

“Not like they really listen. Not like they care. Would just be a joke that oh, he does actually speak. Oh, one of them can act normal. I hate that. When they call me the normal one. Like, I’ve been through shit too. I’m just not as good as not caring the way Andrew is.” Aaron sighs. He turns and flops down on the bed on his back. Kevin can see now that he’s closer how his eyes are hazy, that there’s a light sheen of sweat on his forehead. That Aaron is probably more drunk than he first assumed. “Everyone thinks just because I don’t talk about anything it means nothing is ever bothering me. I’m the one nothing is wrong with. I hate that, because I-“

Aaron pauses. He looks at Kevin upside down. His lips press together in a firm line.

“Whatever. Stupid. Don’t know why I’m telling you this, either.”

“I don’t mind,” Kevin says, in a tone that’s aiming for polite but comes out a bit blunt. Aaron snorts.

“Whatever. Why’re you hiding?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Is it because of the Wymack thing?”

Kevin looks at him, his expression frozen, unsure what emotion to show. Aaron blinks back at him.

“What? It’s not hard to pick up on. Allison keeps trying to quiz you about how long you knew and why you didn’t tell him. Nicky keeps bugging you about how he took it. You should tell him to back off, you know. He will if you’re serious. Then there’s a weird vibe between you and Dan, which Matt is kind of tuned into, but doesn’t know what stance to take on it. And even if Andrew wasn’t currently firmly inserted up Josten’s asshole-“ 

Kevin snorts at that. He doesn’t mean to, but he can’t help it. Aaron looks momentarily pleased before his expression falls again.

“No, strike that. Not the image I was going for. Eugh.”

“Mhm. Your point?”

“I’m assuming the fact he sort of set fire to your deal when he put his hands around your throat means you’re not super up for hanging out with him right now.”

Kevin doesn’t speak. His hand automatically goes to his neck, fingers brushing the areas where the bruising has only just faded. After a long moment, he just nods.

“So I thought I’d come see if you were drinking yourself to death. Imagine my surprise when I find you not with vodka in hand, but a book.”

“I read, sometimes,” Kevin says, scowling.

“Maybe, but if I were to make a Kevin Day action figure, the hand attachments would be a bottle of vodka and an exy stick.”

“And what would yours be?”

“I can’t choose my own. That’s cheating.”

“It’s a shame there’s no physical representation of moral superiority. I’d give you that.”

“Hm. How little you know me.”

“Oh, you’re the best behaved of us all,” Kevin says, rolling his eyes. Aaron shifts to sit upright, crossing his legs beneath him. He frowns at Kevin.

“No. See? No one ever sees me. I thought you- Whatever.”

“Stop saying whatever.”

“What. Ever.” Aaron flips him off.

“A Monster can,” Kevin says. “A Monster can that’s exchangeable for a cup of tea, or that water bottle you cart everywhere with you.”

“Water is important,” Aaron says. “You should try drinking more of it and less of the other clear liquid.”

“Hmm.” Kevin leans in.

“Hmmm.” Aaron mocks him, also leaning in. Kevin huffs a laugh, but then he’s suddenly aware of their closeness, and it feels like one of his books again. Like an argument leading up to a kiss. Except Aaron has Katelyn, and Kevin has Thea, even if they’ve barely spoken since summer, and sparsely in the months beforehand. “How did that go?”

“What?” Kevin blinks back to himself, the back of his neck warm.

“The whole Wymack thing.”

“Well. It’s not how I’d have liked to have told him, and the timing wasn’t great, but we needed attention away from Neil-“

“You shouldn’t have let him force you into a decision that big. The media would have buzzed for a while, but they’d have gotten over it, and anyway, it’s a consequence of his own lying.”

“What was that you were saying about not being morally superior?”

Aaron flips him off. Kevin catches his finger and squeezes. Aaron shoves him. Kevin shoves back, and then Aaron is on his knees, trying to put more weight into his push, both of them scrambling to knock the other over. It’s rare that they wrestle like this, but Kevin secretly likes it. It’s a lot of body impact with no real threat behind it. Aaron isn’t trying to hurt him, not seriously. There’s no ulterior motives. They just play fight a bit until someone gives in. It feels nice to have physicality that doesn’t hurt. To have contact not intended to harm. 

Despite his small size, Aaron is deceptively strong, and often bests Kevin, but he’s been drinking a lot more than Kevin tonight. Kevin eventually gets him flat on his back. He straddles Aaron’s thighs to stop him rocking back up, leaning over him with elbows on either side of his head, both of them breathing hard.

Aaron’s hair is a ruffled mess. Strands of it stick to his forehead. His pupils are blown in the soft glow of the lamp, and Kevin can see better now where his lip has darkened and slightly swollen. His gaze gets caught on it. Aaron’s chest rises and falls beneath him. Kevin is keenly aware of what a cliché moment this is, of how this would be the perfect scene leading to a kiss (and maybe more). 

“Okay, get off me,” Aaron says, pushing at Kevin’s chest. It’s not a strong enough push to move him, and for a moment Kevin just stays hovering over him, watching Aaron’s expression narrow into irritation. His cheeks are flushed, streaking down his neck. “Kevin.”

“Say I win.”

“Ugh. You win, you gigantic egotist.”

“Good.” Kevin shifts off of Aaron. Aaron stays on his back, catching his breath. Kevin watches him for a moment, then lies down beside him, their shoulders touching. “I think it went okay. I think the reason I put off telling him before, is because I had this kind of deep belief that he’d be disappointed? That he wouldn’t want me as his son. Which, fair, uhm, I’m not- Especially when I first came- Anyway. He wasn’t. Disappointed. I don’t think. He did cry a bit, which was weird, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him cry, but, yeah, happy tears? Wild. Wasn’t expecting that.”

Aaron is quiet for so long Kevin thinks he’s fallen asleep, until he feels Aaron’s hand shift where it is between them. He hooks his pinkie around Kevin’s and holds loosely.

“Good,” he says, still looking towards the ceiling. “You deserve something good. After everything.”

Kevin swallows around a fresh lump in his throat. He squeezes Aaron’s pinkie with his own. Aaron squeezes back.

They fall asleep with their pinkies hooked around each other.

*

Jeremy catches Kevin as he’s coming out of the changing room after their game, practically leaping into his arms. Kevin hugs him firmly, Jeremy’s hair still damp from his post game shower, breathing in the musky scent of his shower gel and deodorant. Allison whistles, and Nicky makes an oooooh cheer. Kevin ignores them, but he guides Jeremy further down the corridor so they have the pretence of privacy.

“Good game,” Jeremy says. “You were incredible!”

“So were you. Though you didn’t quite wipe the floor with me as promised.” Kevin smirks. Jeremy laughs. It’s a sound Kevin loves, and his expression softens into a smile.

“A testament to how much you’ve improved, and maybe I was distracted, thinking about hard balls.”

Kevin rolls his eyes and gives Jeremy’s shoulder a light shove. Jeremy laughs brightly, stepping back with the shove, only to come closer again, arms loosely linked around Kevin’s waist. Whenever they get the chance to see each other in person, Jeremy likes to maintain as much physical contact as possible. 

“You’ve been so brave with everything lately. We didn’t go easy on you, and I still hate to lose, but I’m also glad you won. It was well deserved.”

Kevin allows himself to drape his arms over Jeremy’s shoulders and press his face back to his damp curls. Allows himself to soften into this affection. They’re safe here. No one will see him. He closes his eyes and soaks in the comfort of Jeremy’s touch, such a contrast to Thea’s recent anger. He wonders what it would be like if his partner had of responded to the truth of his injury with the same gentleness that Jeremy did, rather than spiking his anxiety even higher with yelling and violence. He still flinches at the memory of his laptop sailing across the room, hitting against him. Of Thea indignant and furious as she towered over him. 

It’s a bitter taste to still feel powerless in the face of people’s anger after so long. Andrew’s hands on his throat, Thea’s rage directed at him in waves. He’s determined not to tremble and give in the same way when he finally faces Riko again.

“Kevin?” Jeremy pulls back, looking up at him.

“Huh?”

“You went all quiet on me. You okay?”

“Yeah. Actually, remember when you said you could pull some strings for me? I have a favour to ask…”

*

Aaron finds Kevin hyperventilating after the news of Riko’s death reaches them. He’d slid away from the team, unable to bear the celebratory style in which they received the announcement, closed himself in his dorm room and curled in on himself. Aaron comes to sit beside him. Kevin goes tense, expecting him to parrot some of the others’ sentiments, to ask Kevin why he’s even upset when Riko gone is just a problem solved.

“Try and sit up a little straighter,” Aaron says, his voice so much more quiet and gentle than Kevin was expecting.

“What?” His face is wet. His nose is blocked. His throat aches.

“You’re constricting your airwaves. It makes it harder to breathe.” Aaron’s hands are gentle; one settling on the middle of Kevin’s back, the other guiding his shoulder back. “Try and match my breathing.”

Kevin holds Aaron’s gaze as he shakily tries to mimic his breaths, Aaron drawing them out longer the more steady Kevin’s gets.

“I know he was an asshole,” Kevin says. “But I didn’t want him to die.”

His voice breaks at the end. Aaron opens his arms. Kevin all but falls into them, burying his face against Aaron’s shoulder, trembling in his hold.

“I know,” Aaron says. “Even if they don’t get it, I do.”

For a moment Kevin wants to reel back, wants to spit venom. How could Aaron possibly get it? Then he remembers his mother, and thinks, yeah. Maybe Aaron does. Maybe he gets it better than anyone else.

Kevin curls his hands in the back of Aaron’s shirt, and Aaron holds him, even after his crying subsides. He holds Kevin until Kevin moves out of his embrace, and even then, Kevin wishes he would pull him back in, wishes he would hold him longer.

*

Kevin should have known it would only be a matter of time before someone on the team found out. If asked, he would have bet it would eventually happen in the dorms, but it’s Columbia where he finds Neil staring at one of his books with scrutiny when he wakes on the couch after a night at Eden’s. Neil is sat cross legged in a chair across from him, brow furrowed as he reads.

“That’s mine,” Kevin says dumbly.

“I assumed,” Neil says, not looking up. “It was on your chest.”

Kevin curses his drunken past self for making such a stupid mistake as falling asleep holding the book. At least it’s not Nicky. A small mercy. If it were Nicky, everyone would know by now.

“I thought it was going to be about exy, but all the plays in it are really bad. Like, how would a backliner manage to get the ball the whole way across to the other goal? I know Andrew can send it quite far, but that kind of pushes belief. They shouldn’t even be trying to score, it’s not the point of their position.”

“I know. It’s not written for accuracy.” Kevin’s words come out sharp. He’s got the low pulsing headache of a hangover building, and he’s angry and defensive about Neil handling his book. Neil scoffs and tosses it across to Kevin. It lands on his chest, the pages fanning open, some of them crumpling. Kevin grunts in annoyance.

“I don’t see the point,” Neil says. Then, after a contemplative pause, he scrunches up his nose. “Eugh. Do you use it for sexual gratification? I shouldn’t have touched it.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

“Think you’re doing enough of that for the both of us,” Neil says, and bats away the couch cushion that Kevin throws at his head.

*

Kevin doesn’t know if Neil told Andrew, or if Andrew found his books and just didn’t say anything. Andrew doesn’t bring it up. He doesn’t mention them explicitly. It’s only when Kevin is trying to get him to actually join them for night practice on the court, an endeavour that he knows is a failing effort but tries all the same, that Andrew looks him dead in the eyes and starts fucking quoting his books.

Kevin doesn’t realise what he’s doing at first, but a few sentences in, the familiarity hits him, and his body feels like ice. His wide eyes settle on Andrew, who just stares back at him, seemingly untouched, as he continues to calmly quote lines Kevin has read over and over.

“Jesus, okay, shut up,” Kevin says, when Andrew starts talking about the hungry desire of his pulsing heat. Andrew raises an eyebrow.

“I thought you liked his pulsing heat, Kevin. That page certainly seemed dogeared.” 

Probably went through Kevin’s things then. Kevin feels a sick drop in the pit of his stomach.

“Pretend you don’t know this about me.”

“Absolutely not,” Andrew says, and it is one of the few times that Kevin sees a genuine grin split across his face.

*

It’s his own fault with Nicky. 

Kevin thinks he has the dorm to himself for a few hours. He knows his dorm mates’ schedules quite well by now, and this is the Wednesday afternoon he has free while they’re all in classes. He sinks low on the couch, stretches his legs out long, and is lazily palming himself through his sweats as he reads through his latest book. 

Casey’s uniform is sticking to her with sweat by the time she comes off the court. She’s breathing hard from exertion, her legs quivering beneath her from the effort. She takes her time in the shower, leaning against the wall for support, the rest of the girls trickling out before her.

When she comes through to the locker room in her towel, Brad is sitting on the bench by her locker. 

“You shouldn’t be in here,” she says.

“And miss out on this view? After watching that ass on the court all game, I’ve been dying to see it without the shorts.”

“Maybe if you did less staring at my ass, we’d score more goals.”

“You score plenty.” 

Casey leans past Brad to get to her locker. He catches the end of her towel and tugs it playfully. She holds it tighter to her chest, frowning at him.

“I’m tired, Brad.”

“Wet, too,” he says, tracing his hand along her inner thigh. His thick, calloused fingers drag along her skin, and she feels her quim - God, Kevin hates that word so much - hot and quivering with anticipation - and how exactly does one’s vagina quiver?

Focus. Getting to the good bit. He licks his lips, dragging his thumb along the hardening length of his cock as Brad’s fingers finally reach Casey’s quivering quim and find out she is indeed thoroughly soaked with her love juices. Kevin closes his eyes for a moment to recover from that wording, but he’s far enough gone now it’s not enough to ruin his arousal. 

It’s a disappointingly short and dry (metaphorically) scene. Casey eventually drops her towel and, despite her tired legs, rides Brad on the bench, giving her thighs their second workout of the day. Brad palms her bouncing mounds, toying the pebbled peaks between his fingers, and Kevin decides that actually? No. He won’t be able to get off to this.

He makes a quick trip to the bedroom, digging his favourite Vi B. Rater book from its hiding place in the back of his underwear drawer, where he keeps his few favourites (donating the others when he’s done with them), and comes back to the couch. He’s read this one enough that he knows the best scenes. He flicks open to the page that, his brain decides to helpfully remind him with a fresh dose of embarrassment, Andrew has quoted to him several times. He shakes that thought off and sinks back into the couch, palming himself back to hardness.

Kevin skims the page, looking for the start of the sex scene. He could highlight it, he supposes, for easy access, but he hates the idea of marking a book. Even if it is only a cheap gas station paperback.

Kayden is sore after his and Tristian’s latest encounter. The stiffness follows him to court the next day, making his limbs heavy and clumsy. He’s disappointed in himself during practice; moving slower, making silly mistakes, missing shots he would usually nail. Coach lightly scolds him a few times, but no one else seems to notice.

Except Aria. She always notices.

She’s waiting for him outside the changing room afterwards. Kayden sighs, annoyed at his poor performance and projecting it out on everything else.

“What?” he snaps, but she just huffs out through her nose, unoffended.

“You’re stiff,” she says. “Did you not stretch out properly?”

Kayden knows that’s not the reason, but he doesn’t want to admit to getting pounded down by his ex. Especially not to her. They’ve never claimed to be exclusive, but it still feels rude to tell her about his other endeavours. He realises, with a dark twist in his gut, he’d quite hate to hear if she were seeing anyone else. He hopes she’s not. He recognises there’s a hypocrisy in that, and elects to ignore it, answering her with a shrug.

“I could rub you out,” Aria says. She smirks, turning away from him but coyly glancing sideways towards him. “Your muscles, I mean.”

Kayden huffs his own amusement this time.

“Sure.”

Kevin lifts his hips and slides down his sweats and briefs, freeing his cock. He licks his palm and starts to stroke himself as Aria takes Kayden home and has him strip. She herself strips to her underwear, a pretty lace number she definitely wasn’t wearing during practice, and straddles his waist on her bed. The scene starts with an actual massage. Candles burning and oiled fingers rubbing their way over Kayden’s body, working into the knots of his muscles. Kevin wishes he had someone to rub him down; there’s definitely a stubborn knot in his calf the foam roller hasn’t quite been able to loosen, and a stiffness in his shoulder. 

Focus, Kevin. 

Right.

He rubs his thumb over the tip of his cock as Kayden moans beneath Aria’s touches. She drops hot, wet kisses along his shoulders, mouthing up the side of his neck, sucking on his earlobe. Kayden grinds his hips down against the bed, trying to alleviate some of the hungry desire of his pulsing heat. Kevin sighs and closes his eyes against the shame of that memory. Fuck you, Andrew. Whatever. He won’t let him spoil this for him.

Kevin will have his orgasm today. Eventually. He still has plenty of time.

It’s not the dirtiest of scenes, or even the most heated, but there is something about the intimacy of this one that Kevin enjoys. All the soft oil slicked touches that preempt any real sex. How there’s a lot of kissing, stroking, rubbing. The build up has tension coiling low in his stomach, and something about the way Aria cherishes and pampers Kayden gets him hot every time. 

His strokes come a little faster as Aria swallows around him, oily hands now making paths down along his thighs. As Kayden drags her up for another kiss before shifting their positions, delving himself between the thick swell of her thighs, their softness cushioning either side of his head as he laps at her core, her soft breathy noises making hot tracks straight to his throbbing arousal. Kevin is close by the time Kayden joins their hands on the bed beside Aria’s head as he slowly sinks into her. Their exhales mix together, foreheads meeting as he shifts his hips, the first few minuscule rocking motions. Aria mewls against him, and Kayden is hungry to draw any sound he can from her. She moans his name out on a breath so sweet it makes him ache, and in that moment he would give her anything. 

“What do you want?”

“Just you,” she says, and Kayden kisses her until their mouths are slick and swollen. He only shifts back so he can build momentum, rolling into her, feeling her body slick, hot, perfect around him. She watches him from under her lashes as he reaches between them, uses his thumb as another tool for her pleasure. She moans as she builds and builds, and when she finally shatters, Kayden feels it around himself in pulses. And Kevin comes with her, hand on the book going slack as he rides out his orgasm.

He luxuriates in the afterglow for a few moments; eyes closed, head tipped back against the couch. Eventually the desire to clean himself overrules how much he doesn’t want to get up, and he makes his way to the bathroom. It’s when he comes out of the shower and sees Nicky on the couch that he realises his mistake. Nicky’s holding the book he left sitting on the couch cushion, still open on the page he would have been reading.

“Kevin!” Nicky looks up, waving the book around in his hand. “Is this yours? Oh my days - excuse the pun - but seriously, I cannot believe you read this stuff. Kevin! Do you know they do exy themed porn? Like, you can just look it up. They have loads of videos. You don’t have to resort to reading. Or is this one of your smart guy qualities. Like oh, I can’t watch regular porn, I read to get off. Cause it’s okay, Kevin, you can watch porn, no one’s gonna judge you. Like, they won’t even know. Unless you tell them, I guess. But seriously, there’s so much exy stuff. They even have a porn parody of you!”

Kevin temporarily forgets that Nicky is waving his book about, and that the heat flooding through him is immense embarrassment, so shocked is he by this fact.

“They what? No, actually, no. I don’t want to know.”

“I can show you!”

“I said I don’t want to know. Give me that back.”

“Aw, but I was just getting to the good part.”

“Why are you even here?”

“Professor was sick, so my 2pm lecture was cancelled. Lend me this.”

“No.”

“Sharing is caring, Kevin.”

“Bite me, Nicky,” Kevin says, echoing back a phrase Nicky has used on him countless times. A slow, delighted smirk comes across Nicky’s face, like he has been waiting for this. His eyes drop down over Kevin’s damp form.

“Is that an invitation?”

Kevin snatches the book from him and storms back to his room.

*

Just found out there’s a porn parody of me

Don’t know how I feel about that

Settling on shocked and appalled

O M G YEAH!

The body is good but they do NOT do your face justice at all 😩

Though I suppose not everyone can be as handsome as Kevin Day 😘

…you’ve seen it?

😃

Yes

Whoops

Why did you watch it???

I was curious 😃

Anyway like I said he did not look like you at all lol

😐

I can link you?

Jeremy sends the link. Kevin debates with himself for a good minute before giving in to curiosity and opening it. The first opening shots are mostly of the torso. Abs, pecs, thighs. He’s wearing a jockstrap and nothing else. Kevin huffs a laugh. They’re missing all the subtle scars covering his body, for a start. 

WAIT THIS IS GAY PORN

Oh yeah did you not know it was a gay porno?

WHAT DO YOU THINK??

I’m going to guess from your tone: no 😃

I shouldn’t be surprised. Nicky is the one who told me.

Jfc.

At least you’re the top!

Thank you for your support in this trying time, Jeremy.

Of course 🥰

Kevin watches his supposed body double as he fucks into a smaller, light haired man. He supposes it might be erotic, if it wasn’t supposed to be him. As it is, Kevin just finds it annoying. His technique isn’t as sloppy as this, and he’d have spent a lot more time on foreplay. When the camera pans out, it’s really apparent this guy is not Kevin Day. They don’t look anything alike. His nose is slimmer than Kevin’s, his jaw broader, his brow much heavier. Kevin even thinks he might be a White actor with a heavy tan - is that fake tan?? - which annoys him even further.

Is this guy White???

Idk I checked his other videos but if it’s tan he’s always that tan

I hate this

You brought it up!!

I’m pretending this doesn’t exist 

I don’t need to know about it

Fair 😃

Kevin hesitates before his next message. It’s usually Jeremy who brings Jean up to him. Jean doesn’t answer Kevin’s messages. Hasn’t spoken to him since Kevin sent him off to the Trojans; gave Jean the team he always wanted, sent him off to his best friend, to the closeness and comfort he himself always craved.

How is Jean doing?

Good! 

Dare I even say.. great? 

I think he’s finally starting to trust us. He’s starting to get on with more of the team. I’m very proud of him 🥰

That’s good.

You should try asking him yourself 😃

He doesn’t answer me

Maybe someday he might 

*

When Aaron brings it up, Kevin’s reading on his phone in the kitchen as he waits for the kettle to boil. He’s been trying to cut back on drinking, and Aaron’s got him onto herbal teas. It doesn’t really dampen the cravings, but it gives him a routine to go through, and something different than water to drink. Also, the peppermint infusion helps soothe his anxiety tummy aches, which is a welcome bonus. Especially with summer looming nearer, and Kevin having to face the potential of taking time away from practice. He doesn’t know what else to pour his energy into.

Kevin glances up as Aaron passes him to open the fridge. He takes out a white can of Monster. Kevin gives a disapproving hum.

“It’s the only vice I have left, Day. Leave me alone.”

“You still drink.”

“Yes, but only on occasion, and drinking is seen as so acceptable by our society that casual alcoholism is often overlooked, because it’s deemed as just having fun and letting loose. Practically encouraged in our culture.”

“Is dust also acceptable?”

Aaron closes the fridge with more force than necessary, but not enough to count as a slam. The contents jostle and clink, but it’s a soft enough sound that it doesn’t make Kevin jump.

“You know as well as I do,” Aaron says, painting on a wide smile that is so obviously fake. “That I haven’t touched dust since Josten made his goo goo eyes at Andrew and told him to stop. Nevermind that it was never really Andrew’s vice to begin with.”

Aaron’s knuckles are white on the hand that’s gripping the can, his skin picked down and bloody around his nails. Now that he’s facing Kevin, Kevin can see how dark the circles are under his eyes, how tired and run down he looks. He knows Aaron’s been anxious about the trial. He never thought about how that is probably making his cravings worse. 

His tone makes Kevin uncomfortable, but it’s the most Aaron’s spoken to him in the few weeks since he and Katelyn separated. It hasn’t been as bad as the initial Dark Week of Silence. Aaron still showed up to practice, but his expression was cloudy, he didn’t speak, he barely partook, and he and Andrew avoided each other like they were twin magnets; repelled by their similar poles. Outside of practice, he spent long hours in his dorm. Matt reported most of this was in bed, burrowed under the covers, and that he barely ate. Kevin had tried texting him but got no response.

“He loses energy like this,” Nicky explained. “When his depression gets bad. And appetite. He’ll not be hungry enough to see the point in cooking, and he’ll not want to be around all the people in the dining hall.”

Kevin started sneaking food from the dining hall and giving it to Matt to leave with Aaron. He offered clumsy assistance to Nicky in the kitchen, prepping boxes of Aaron’s favourite foods so he could eat without cooking. He finally texted him a simple: 

You can skip ONE practice if you’re really feeling that bad. 

Is the world ending?? Kevin Day suggesting someone skip practice??

Aaron had not skipped practice. He had not been much more energetic during it, but he had given Kevin a brief nod on his way out of the changing room. It wasn’t a smile, or any words, but it was a start.

“I’ll make my own way back,” he told Andrew, and jogged after Aaron. “Still not talking to Andrew?”

Aaron just shook his head. He didn’t speak on the way back. Kevin walked in silence for a while, then began to rant about what had annoyed him in practice that night. He left out Aaron’s performance. Aaron gave him a silent wry look, as if he knew what he was doing. Kevin ignored him. Aaron came to the dining hall the next day.

“Have you-?” Kevin means to ask if Aaron’s been struggling with cravings again, but Aaron’s expression sharpens, angry. 

“Have I relapsed? No.”

“That’s not what I was going to ask. I know you’ve never done that.”

Aaron laughs. It is a sharp, jagged, cruel sound. Kevin doesn’t like it. He looks back to the living room, but it’s empty, Kevin having come over to escape the clear tension that had been building between Andrew and Neil for the past few hours. He’s read enough sex scene build ups. He can take a hint.

“I have, though. Andrew thinks he scared it out of me, when he locked me in that bathroom. I’ve never told you that, have I? That’s how he fixed me. Left me in our bathroom for days. Until I went hoarse from begging to be let out. Until I’d scraped my fingers raw on the door. It feels a lot longer, when you’re in a room with no way to tell time. When your body is breaking down on you, going through withdrawals. Did you know you can die? From coming off drugs unassisted so quickly? Andrew took that risk. So did Nicky. I know he was afraid of Andrew, but I think a part of him just wanted it fixed too. Wanted it to go away. He didn’t fight too hard to get me out. 

It doesn’t go away, though. Addiction reroutes the brain. Changes the pleasure pathways. Andrew just made the fear outweigh the risk. It hurt so horrendously, Kevin. Shakes, fever, cold sweats, vomiting. I wished I were dead. Then I thought I actually was dying. You know what that felt like, when Riko…” 

Aaron glances at Kevin’s hand. Kevin swallows. The kettle behind him is bubbling, steam pouring out the top, but he ignores it. Aaron’s eyes flick up to meet his, and Kevin remembers Riko standing over him, specked with his blood. He did think he was going to kill him. For a moment he was convinced of it. It’s part of why he ran. He was sure without his hand it would happen sooner or later. He must have told Aaron this before; in a drunken or anxiety muddled admission. Kevin nods.

“You know how desperately the survival urge kicks in. Except I had no energy to do anything, but plead to a god I didn’t even fucking believe in. But, hey, in Andrew’s eyes, it worked. I was clean. I was no longer a risk to myself. I’m only telling you this because I trust you won’t tell him. Not after recent events.”

Kevin shakes his head. It doesn’t matter. Even without the memory of Andrew’s hands on his throat, he knows the weight of this secret, and he knows how monumental it is for Aaron Minyard to trust anyone with his secrets. Aaron Minyard who just does not talk about things. Who has listened to Kevin, drunk and rambling, panicking and hyperventilating, tired and anxious, pour out his emotional baggage time and time again. Kevin has had to collect mere snippets in return. 

“He thought I was in his control after that. That I wouldn’t dare, but the thing is, Andrew spent a lot of time acting like I wasn’t there, and when you barely look at someone, it’s easy to miss things. To not see. No one sees me, so no one knows. It was never anything as hard; I knew better than that, but I’ve relapsed a handful of times since. I’m just good at keeping quiet about it.

So, in comparison to what I could be consuming, I don’t think these are so bad. You have your smutty books,” Aaron says, nodding towards Kevin’s phone. “I never say anything about those. Mind your business.”

It’s such a shift in tone that Kevin is briefly speechless.

“I don’t- Uh- Did Nicky tell you?”

“No.” Aaron scoffs a laugh. He taps his fingers against the top of his can a few times, a ritualistic habit, then cracks it open. “Well, yeah, but I’ve known for ages.”

“How?”

“Kevin, we lived in each other’s back pockets for well over a year. No matter how sneaky you are, it’s hard to hide things.”

“But you apparently hid relapsing.”

“I wasn’t stupid enough to bring anything back to the dorms. Andrew mightn’t have looked at me, but I wouldn’t put it past him to go through my things.”

“Have you… recently?” Kevin doesn’t know if he really wants the answer, but he feels he has to ask.

“No. Not since after Thanksgiving.”

“Okay. Good.”

“Make your tea, Kevin. The water will get cold.”

“Not going to take the piss out of me?” Kevin gives his phone a little shake.

“Nah. I get it.”

“What?”

“It’s escapism. Your other main interests aren’t really just hobbies. You’re exy on the brain, and as much as you thrive on it, it’s still connected to the concept of a career in your head. It’s an outlet, but it’s still work, even more pressure now with Josten making deals on your behalf. Then you have history, which you enjoy, but again, it’s tied to school. To essays and grades. This - while still related to your exy hyperfixation, really, am I surprised? - is different. It’s something light with no expectation. It’s just something you get to enjoy. Frankly, I’m glad you have a better outlet than torturing your liver.”

Kevin’s brow furrows as he listens, then he shakes his head with a small laugh.

“That psych class is really doing a number on you, huh?”

“Nah.” Aaron hauls himself up to sit on the countertop, so he’s almost level with Kevin. “We don’t really do things like that in psych. It’s all studies, and like, cognitive versus biological versus behavioural theories. It’s actually quite scientific. It’s not like learning therapy tricks or anything. You’d probably have to be specialising to learn that. It’s just like a broad overview of the subject and some of the bigger studies.”

“Right.”

“I don’t need psychological powers to get it, Kevin. I know you.”

And there is something both so terrifying and yet so comforting about that.

*

“Do you know,” Aaron says. Kevin looks up from his current book. There’s not much point in hiding the covers anymore, since everyone in his circle knows. He’s sitting on Aaron’s bed, his legs stretched out in front of him, feet over the edge. Aaron is on his back playing his Switch, feet tucked under Kevin’s thigh because they’re always cold. “That they’re known as bodice rippers.”

“What?”

“Your books.”

“Why?”

“I assume they must have originated as period pieces, where the ladies would wear corsets, and the men would…”

“Rip them off.”

“Yes.”

“Ah.”

“Let me read one.”

“What?”

“Let me read one of your books. I’m curious.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“It’s weird.”

“It’s not like you wrote them.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Kevin. I do know your hiding place. I’d rather you give me one, but if I have to go behind your back…”

“Ugh. Fine. But you can pick your own out of them. It feels worse if I do.”

Aaron grins, delighted in his victory. He rolls off the bed, turning his Switch off and setting it aside. He grabs his keys from the bedside table. 

“Be right back.”

“I’d knock,” Kevin says, looking back to his page. “Don’t know what Neil and Andrew are up to.”

“Eugh,” Aaron says. “I don’t need that image, fuck you very much.”

He must survive unscathed though, because he returns with another victorious grin, raising his prize above his head. It’s Vi B. Rater’s Three’s A Crowd.

“Why that one?”

“Seems like the one you’ve read most,” Aaron says, climbing over Kevin’s legs as he gets back on the bed. “I want to see what the fuss is.”

Kevin rolls his eyes.

“They don’t vary that much in content.”

“Shhh, I’m reading,” Aaron says, settling on his back again. He pokes his sock clad toes against Kevin’s thigh until Kevin shifts to let him tuck his feet under again. 

“Your feet never warm up?”

“Bad circulation,” Aaron says casually, eyes on the book. “Common side effect of drug abuse.”

“Oh,” Kevin says. Good job, Day. Always putting your foot in it. 

“Cold fingers, too. It’s whatever.”

Kevin huffs.

“Whatever,” he repeats quietly.

“Reading,” Aaron says, and they lapse back into comfortable silence, interrupted only by the turning of pages.

*

“All done,” Aaron says the next day.

“Already?”

“Not exactly a heavy read. So, do you like this one so much because it’s a projection of your life or what?”

“What?” Kevin takes his book back, frowning down at the cover. “No it’s not.”

“Hm, star striker moves to new team, leaving behind abusive backliner lover who he’s still connected to. Doesn’t sound like anyone I know at all.”

“Thea’s not abusive.”

“Really? So that scene where Tristian throws the glass at Kayden doesn’t remind you of anything?”

“That was different. She was… Upset.”

“Yeah. My mom was always upset too.”

“It’s not the same! She didn’t hit me.”

“Not with her hands.”

“You don’t know anything about it.”

“I think I know plenty, actually. I think I’m well acquainted with that kind of behaviour.”

“It’s not- She doesn’t- She’s not always like that.”

“Right. And in the times she’s not, you can start justifying the times she is.”

“Just drop it,” Kevin says, hugging the book to his chest. He sounds angry, but his heart is actually beating out an anxious, rapid rhythm in his chest. Aaron’s expression is all pinched in anger. He exhales sharply, then looks away with a jerky shrug.

“Fine. Whatever.”

“And if it’s so much like my life, who’s Aria then?”

There’s a pause before Aaron snorts a laugh.

“I guess Andrew was, for a while.”

“Andrew and I were never…” Kevin cuts off. It feels weird to even insinuate that to Aaron.

“Eugh. Gross. I didn’t mean that; just that he was your support system.”

“I think you’re more like her.”

“Oh, are you implying I’m like a girl?”

“No,” Kevin says quietly, not meeting Aaron’s eyes. “Just that Andrew’s brand of support… is not quite as soft as hers, and you… have always been more gentle with me. Also, you’re actually a backliner.”

“Whatever,” Aaron says. “I can see why you like them. Not my style, but they’re easy to get sucked into.”

He walks away before Kevin can say anything else, and Kevin watches him go, a confused weight in the centre of his chest.

*

Aaron’s words follow him. He keeps reviewing the small portion of his and Thea’s relationship where they have actually seen each other. He wasn’t lying; she’s not always like that, but when he thinks about it, outside of sex… He doesn’t really know what she’s like. It’s been years since they bothered to have any real conversation, and even then, passing notes inside books was hardly an in-depth exploration of each other.

He thinks about how he felt when Jeremy confided in him about his developing feelings for Jean. Kevin thinks he was politely supportive in his response, but really his insides had gone white static with envy. Jean knows he’s always had a crush on Jeremy, and in that white hot moment of jealousy, Kevin thought he’s doing this on purpose, out of spite. But Jean can’t control how Jeremy feels, and Kevin thinks he can’t blame Jean if he eventually returns those feelings. Heaven knows Kevin has never been able to resist falling for Jeremy Knox, and surely that of itself should be a sign? He shouldn’t care so much about losing someone he never had when he’s in a relationship.

He doesn’t know who else to talk to about it. Usually he talks things like this through with Jeremy, but he doesn’t want to explain the context, doesn’t want to risk demonising Thea to someone else. So he goes to the only other person that he tends to dump his confused tangles of thought on.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said.”

“I say a lot of things,” Aaron says, folding his arms and leaning against the doorframe of his dorm.

“About Thea.”

“If you’re here to make more excuses for her, I’m not interested.”

“I’m not… I wanted to ask… How did you and Katelyn know when it was time to break up?”

Aaron sighs. He glances back into his dorm. Matt is in their room; Kevin can’t see him, but he can hear him singing to himself. Aaron grabs his shoes from where they’ve been kicked off by the door and starts pulling them on.

“Let’s walk.”

*

“Katelyn broke up with me,” Aaron says, once they’re outside and have been walking for a while. It’s a nice day. Bright. Kevin wishes he’d had the forethought to bring sunglasses. “So it wasn’t really something I decided on.”

“Oh,” Kevin says. He doesn’t know any of the details of the break up. Aaron had barely spoken about it beyond just letting them know.

“But hindsight is 20/20. I can see the signs when I look back. Talking less, spending less time together. We used to fight for every stolen moment, and then it was like we were complacent in each other’s absences. If I had to pinpoint the moment of our destruction… I’d say it was after Thanksgiving.”

“But that was like half a year before you broke up.”

“Yes, but I don’t think Katelyn could ever really get her head around what happened. She understood why I did it, but she couldn’t understand that if I had the choice I’d do it again. Like, I hate that I’ve done that to someone. That I’ve… taken a life. But I also know I would always have done it.

She said: ‘no, but I think if he’d gotten off Andrew, you’d have stopped.’ But I know I wouldn’t have. Even if he did get off Andrew, I’d have kept hitting him until he stayed down. I just know I would have. I don’t like knowing that. I don’t like thinking about what kind of person it makes me. Maybe the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree after all, huh?”

“You’re not like her,” Kevin says, coming to an abrupt stop, shocked and angry that Aaron would even suggest it. Aaron keeps walking. Kevin catches him lightly by the elbow. Aaron still doesn’t look at him. “You were protecting Andrew. It wasn’t like you did it for fun. It wasn’t like you took pleasure in it.”

“I can still hear the sound,” Aaron says, his voice ringing hollow. “I still have nightmares.”

Kevin tugs Aaron’s arm, and this time he does turn to him, allows Kevin to pull him to his chest and wrap his arms around him. Aaron just stands in his embrace at first, but when his hands finally come up to Kevin’s shirt, they clutch so tightly Kevin can feel the hard bumps of Aaron’s knuckles through the material.

“She didn’t want to accept the truth. It didn’t align with the version of me in her head, so she chose not to see me,” Aaron says, cheek pressed to Kevin’s chest. “But when you hold a false version of someone in your head, the real life version is always going to fail to live up to it.”

“I don’t even think I miss Thea anymore.”

“Dude, no offence, but the fact you didn’t tell her about anything after leaving the Nest is kind of a sign. Like, if you can’t trust your partner, what’s even the point?”

“It’s different. The Ravens-“

“You’re not a Raven anymore,” Aaron says, shifting back so he can look up at Kevin. His eyes are a little pink with the threat of tears, but still dry. They’re honey coloured in the sunlight, squinting up at him against the brightness. “You have to stop thinking like one.”

Kevin sighs. He rubs a hand over his face. He finally releases Aaron, but he doesn’t step away from him.

“Yeah,” Kevin says. “Maybe.”

*

I miss you.

The text has been unanswered in their chat for weeks when a fresh message comes through.

I heard you and Thea separated.

Good.

Kevin stares at that message for a long time. 

Yeah. Perhaps a bit overdue.

Jean doesn’t reply to him, but it doesn’t matter. He finally answered back. It’s something. It’s a start.

*

He should have known that Nicky’s big mouth could not hold a secret for long. It starts with Allison. They’re all gathering in the girls’ dorm for movie night. Aaron and Andrew are speaking again, even if it’s only in short snippets outside of therapy, but he seems even more annoyed by Neil’s presence than usual. He stays on the far side of Kevin from the pair of them, tucks himself into the corner of the couch as Neil and Andrew share the furthest away armchair.

“Read anything interesting lately?” Allison asks. 

“What?” Kevin says, but he already knows as she raises one perfectly manicured brow. Dan snickers. That stings worse; they’ve been starting to get along a lot better since he came out about Wymack. 

“Nicky says you’ve taken up reading.”

Kevin glares at Nicky. Nicky gives him what Kevin assumes is supposed to be an apologetic smile, shrugging. 

“Dirty books. Guess there is a flesh and bone boy under that robot facade after all.”

“They’re just teasing,” Renee says lightly to Kevin, touching his arm.

“Are you jealous because your literacy level is barely above a preschooler’s?” Aaron pokes his head up over the couch, voice flat and dry. Allison glares at him. “What do you read, besides Instagram posts?”

“Aaron!” Dan says.

“No one was talking to you,” Allison says, swishing her hair back over her shoulder indignantly.

“Good. Keep it that way,” Aaron says, then pats the couch beside him. “Kevin?”

Kevin is hot with embarrassment, but there’s a different kind of warmth blended through it. He lifts one of the bowls of popcorn - sweet; not salted, not caramel, just sweet, Aaron’s favourite - and crosses to the couch to sit beside him. Andrew is staring at him. Kevin pretends not to notice. Aaron starts to move his legs down from where they were curled up behind him, but Kevin catches his ankles. He sits carefully, then tucks Aaron’s sock clad feet in behind his knees.

“Always cold, right?” 

Aaron stares at him for a long moment, before silently nodding. Kevin hands him the bowl of popcorn.

“What, have you, like, traded? You’re his guard dog now?” Allison follows Kevin across the room, leaning over the back of the couch and looking down on them. 

“Pull up your browser history, Allison. Let’s see what you look at,” Aaron says without looking at her.

“Dude, we’re just having a laugh,” Matt says.

“And now it’s over,” Aaron says.

“But-“ Allison starts. Renee touches her shoulder gently. 

“How about we just have a nice movie night and no arguments?”

“I didn’t start it!”

Kevin thinks she kind of did, but he doesn’t say anything. He still feels hot and embarrassed, but there’s also a giddy twist in his stomach. He looks across at Aaron, but he’s glaring at the television now, shovelling a handful of popcorn into his mouth. Kevin sets his hand on Aaron’s ankle and squeezes gently. Aaron glances at him and gives him a smile so brief he’s half convinced he imagined it.

*

Aaron may have stopped the teasing at movie night, but he cannot stop the slew of dramatic romance novels that get posted to the group chat.

Have you read this Kevin?

What about this one?

Omg guys!!! This one 🤣

It quickly dissolves from a focus on Kevin’s reading habits, to a competition of who can find the most ridiculous titles. Kevin knows it’s no longer about him, but it still stings a bit.

“Just mute the chat,” Aaron tells him. “That’s what I do when it gets annoying.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Kevin says. “No matter what I do, it seems to be the wrong thing.”

“You’re not doing anything wrong. They just have a preconceived concept of you in their head and it’s hard to process when you go against it.”

“What?”

“Most people, they only see one part of you. Like, the upperclassmen see arrogant asshole Kevin who only cares about exy. That’s why they say shit like calling you a robot. Your fans knew Raven Kevin, that’s why so many of them struggled to accept it when you moved to Palmetto. The rest just know Exy Star Kevin Day. The neat little heartthrob athlete package you sell the media. Andrew saw you as someone who needed protecting and overlooked your strength. Thea saw you as the same younger Kevin from the Nest, never as her equal. And Riko… Riko saw someone better than him, so he tried to force you into subservience.”

Kevin’s mouth feels very, very dry. Aaron hasn’t been looking at him as he speaks. He’s still got his eyes on Mario Kart on screen, but Kevin’s controller has dropped to his lap.

“And what do you see?” he asks, voice scarcely above a whisper.

“That’s a trick question.” Aaron finally looks at him, the corner of his mouth tilted in a smirk. 

“How?”

“If I answer, it’s reductionist. I’m summarising you down to whatever words I pick. I’m just as bad as everyone else then.”

“Sounds like a cop out answer.”

“I see a lot of different Kevins, but I’m sure I don’t see them all. I’m sure there are secret Kevins you keep to yourself, and Kevins people only see in certain relationships with you.” Aaron shrugs. Kevin keeps looking at him expectantly. Aaron rolls his eyes. “Are you just looking for an ego boost?”

“Maybe.” Kevin grins, but that’s not it, not fully. Part of him wants to know what Aaron thinks about him. He realises that quite a big part of him cares. Aaron looks back at the screen.

“Well I know you sometimes have trouble falling asleep if you haven’t worn yourself out enough, but you’re always a nightmare in the mornings. You’re stubborn as fuck, you hate being wrong, you can talk circles in a conversation, you always want to be the smartest one in the room, and yeah, you’re exy on the brain, but you also know so many other random facts. I have seen drunken mess Kevin, and I’ve seen anxiety attack Kevin, but I’ve also seen the determined ass who refused to let an injured hand rest. The Kevin who doesn’t know when to quit. The Kevin that doesn’t back down. Who went out on the court and changed his hands over with such causal flair, knowing how people would take that, because there’s a very shrewd Kevin who knows just how to manipulate the media. I know you’re useless in the kitchen because you’ve never had to cook for yourself, that you hate running even though you do it regularly, aaaand that you just lost another race. That’s just a summary, but I’d be here all day if I kept trying to define you in words. Humans are like that. Big, complex. It’s like Whitman said; ‘I am large, I contain multitudes’.”

“Did you just quote poetry at me?”

“Is that all you’re taking away from that?”

No, but Kevin doesn’t want to admit to the sudden tightness in his chest he got while Aaron was speaking. Like the threat of an anxiety attack, but pleasant. Something warm spreading through him. Stomach giddy, head tingling with static.

He doesn’t want to admit that he just realised he’s quite into Aaron all in one big rushing moment; his own private epiphany. 

“I don’t know why I bother,” Aaron says with a sigh. Kevin reaches for him. He doesn’t know why, but there goes his hand, until it’s resting on Aaron’s wrist. His fingers curl around it loosely. He can feel Aaron’s pulse beneath them. 

“Thank you. That… You made me feel a lot better.”

Aaron looks at him for a long moment, before he shrugs.

“Whatever. Thank me by actually trying next race.”

*

Kevin’s stiff shoulder gets worse, until it hurts to move. He spends their last practice session of the year missing shots he’d usually get and swapping to his right hand. It doesn’t help that Aaron, not his typical exhausted from classes, seems to be making more of an effort than usual.

“Come on, Kevin, you’re slacking,” he says, mimicking Kevin’s usual critical tone.

“Fuck off,” Kevin says. He pushes himself to get a shot past Aaron, but it flares up pain in his muscle, and he winces.

Aaron asks him something when they’re back in the locker room, but Kevin doesn’t hear a word. Every thought falls out of his brain as he watches Aaron pulling his shirt over his head. He’s seen Aaron Minyard topless before, but that was different. He was just Aaron. Kevin never passed any regard. Now he has interest in him, being next to a shirtless Aaron Minyard makes his body all tense and tingly. 

“Kevin?”

“What?” Kevin says, blinking back into focus.

“I said; are you overexerting your hand?”

“What? No.”

“You kept changing to your right. You haven’t done that in a while.”

“Not my hand, it’s my shoulder. I’ve just- I don’t know. Pulled a muscle, or I’ve got a knot or something. I’ve been stretching, but it’s been getting worse the last few weeks.”

“Mm. You hold a lot of tension anyway. I’ll look at it when we get back, if you want.”

“You’ll, uh- What?”

“Your shoulder. See if I can work the knot out.”

Kevin’s mouth moves without making words for what feels like a small eternity. Oh god. It’s the scene from his horny book. Oh fuck. Aaron’s going to rub him down and he’s gonna get all hungry desire of pulsing heat on him. 

He could really do with his shoulder loosened, though.

“Uh. Right. Sure. Yeah. Cool.”

Aaron huffs, shaking his head.

“Whatever. Don’t hurt yourself.” Aaron steps out of his shorts and grabs a towel, heading for a shower stall in his underwear. Kevin stares hard and purposefully at his locker. 

If he happens to catch a glimpse of Aaron’s butt in his peripheral vision, well, he can’t be blamed for that.

*

Andrew tells Kevin to make his own way back since he and Neil are going for a drive. This is good. Nicky’s already said he’s going to a movie with the upperclassmen tonight, which means their dorm will be empty.

Not that his dorm needs to be empty. Not that Aaron and he are going to be doing anything that would require an empty dorm.

It’s just. Less embarrassing. In case.

“Okay, take your shirt off,” Aaron says, dropping his bag when they get in and shrugging out of his hoody. He drags one of the beanbags over to beside the couch and sits with it between his feet. “Kevin? Shirt off, and sit.”

“Already?” 

“Why am I here? Come on.”

Privacy has never been an issue for Kevin. He grew up in the Nest. Privacy didn’t exist. He’s never had a problem stripping in front of people, but now there’s a self conscious flutter as he pulls his shirt off with Aaron’s eyes on him. Finally, he sits. Aaron’s fingers touch his skin. Kevin flinches away.

“Ah, cold,” he says, glancing back over his shoulder. Aaron rolls his eyes, but he cups his hands and breathes into them before rubbing them together. His fingertips are still cool when they touch Kevin again, but not as bad.

“Hm. Relax,” Aaron says, and Kevin tries to force the tension from his shoulders, rolling them back, letting his shoulder blades sink down. Aaron trails his fingers over Kevin’s skin, thumbs working until he finally grazes the knot. Kevin pulls away from him with a hiss. “Ah, yeah, that’s solid. This is going to hurt.”

“That’s okay. I can actually withstand a lot of pain,” Kevin says lightly. He means it as a joke, but they both know the implication behind it, and neither of them laugh. There’s a heavy silence for a moment, and then Aaron starts working his thumbs in along the sides of the knotted muscle. Kevin curls his hands into fists against his thighs and grits his teeth.

“You’re tensing,” Aaron says. His breath is a whisper along the skin of Kevin’s back. “It won’t work unless you stay relaxed.”

“I’m trying.”

“I know.” Aaron smooths his hand down Kevin’s spine in a comforting gesture, and Kevin’s nerve endings light up. How long has it been since someone has touched him like that? Since he’s felt so much skin on skin? Not moving towards anything. No intention of Kevin being a means to an end. Just a soft touch to settle him. His eyes burn. “I’m going to go again. Do you want to watch something to distract you?“

“Okay,” Kevin says, and Aaron waits until he’s got a documentary playing on the TV. Kevin nods for him to go ahead. He does his best to stay in place as Aaron works his sore muscle over and over, getting more inventive with his swear words each time Aaron hits a particularly tender spot. 

It is not at all the sexy evening Kevin feared it might be, but Aaron spends nearly an hour on his shoulder, until the worst of the knotting has relaxed. He sighs, stretching out his fingers. Kevin’s whole shoulder is warm and pulsing, but he knows it’s the good kind of pain. The kind of pain that’s a relief even as it hurts. 

“There. That should help a bit. Maybe try a heat patch if it still hurts.”

“Thanks,” Kevin says, rolling his shoulder, testing it. Still tender, but definitely not as tight.

“I think,” Aaron says. “You owe me dinner after that, and I think we should get pizza.”

Kevin only protests for show, because it’s expected of him. 

“We can even get a vegetarian one, then we can share,” Aaron says. Kevin tries to fight down his smile, tries to look put out as he sighs and finally agrees.

*

Summer comes, and Kevin finds himself agreeing without thought when Andrew asks if he’s coming to Columbia with them. He gets a lot of surprised eyebrow raises for that one.

“Wow. I really thought you’d have fought harder to stay near the court,” Nicky says. Kevin scowls.

“I’ll come for a few weeks. It won’t kill me to miss a few training sessions.”

“You said it,” Aaron says, pointing at him. “You remember you said that.” 

Kevin bats his hand down just for an excuse to touch him, Aaron smirking at Kevin’s faux irritation. 

*

Kevin has never known how to like things a normal amount.

When he was little, and he thought dinosaurs were the coolest thing in the world (next to exy, because mommy made that so that was pretty cool), he had his heart set on being an archaeologist. Of course, baby Kevin Day had no idea what archaeology really involved, except digging and dinosaurs, and obviously if he was gonna be an archaeologist he’d be the coolest one, so he’d have a whip and a hat like Indiana Jones, and go on cool dinosaur adventures. (Baby Kevin may have had it in his head that Jurassic Park and Indiana Jones had an overlap. What a world that would have been.) He spent hours practicing with his whip and learning how to pronounce all the dinosaur names, even the super long especially hard ones.

Then he was a bit older and mommy took him to watch games, and the imagined glory of dinosaurs faded, because exy was real. Exy was something he could see, something he could do right now, something he was surrounded by the excitement of. Even after Kayleigh’s death, his love for it never faltered. It was his one connection point to his mother, it was their shared passion, it was his legacy even when he didn’t fully understand the weight of that word. Even when Riko broke him and his future felt like it was crumbling in his hands, exy was as much his escape as his torture.

Kevin’s head is full of memorised history facts. He burned through his romance novels once he started on them, and still finds enjoyment in going back to reread them. He doesn’t think he will ever bore of exy, no matter how much he trains or how many games he plays.

So when Kevin’s brain gets caught up on Aaron Minyard, he can think of little else.

Kevin remembers when he first got his juvenile crush on Thea. How he’d clumsily attempt to get her attention whenever possible. Aaron is different, because Kevin often has his attention, can easily get it, but then he feels like he’s clumsily tripping over himself when it’s on him, not sure what to do. It’s a bit too late to be trying to show himself in a good light; Aaron’s already seen the worst of him, and yet he still finds himself trying to win his favour.

Like now. At Eden’s. Where Kevin does not, as a rule, dance. Except Aaron is moving under the lights, enough drinks in to have loosened up, to be smiling freely, not hiding away his joy like he usually does, like someone might steal it from him if he wears it too openly. Aaron who has lost Nicky in the crowd and is shining that grin on Kevin now instead, beckoning him to join. He’s laughing even as he waves Kevin closer, like he knows he won’t come.

So Kevin goes. 

Aaron’s eyebrows raise in surprise, before his face lights up with wicked delight. Kevin feels like Jeremy’s sunshine smiles have been condensed into shots and he’s just downed ten of them when Aaron smiles at him like that. If he was badly gone for Jeremy Knox, he is absolutely floored for Aaron Minyard. 

Aaron’s mouth moves. Kevin shakes his head.

“I can’t hear you,” he says. Aaron tilts his head to the side. Kevin leans down closer. He can smell Aaron’s aftershave. He can feel Aaron’s hair against his cheek. “I can’t hear you over the music!”

Aaron shakes his head and laughs. Kevin tries to memorise the way it softens his face. The smile lines at the corner of his eyes, the dimple on his left cheek, the chipped front right incisor that comes down in a point. He tries to take mental snapshots of Aaron as the flashing lights shift in pulses over him, but between Aaron’s bouncing and the constant shifting colours, it’s hard to gather one image. He is art in movement.

Kevin is maybe reading too many romance novels. Kevin is definitely, positively, absolutely so fucked.

Aaron’s arms come around his neck and his heart stutters a wild beat. Aaron tugs him down and Kevin is just numbly accepting. Is he about to be kissed? Has he projected his want so hard it’s become a reality?

“How can you look so serious even here,” Aaron says. Despite the heat of his breath against Kevin’s ear, a shiver runs down Kevin’s spine. Aaron’s thumb pushes between his eyebrows, tries to smooth out the furrow lines. “Relax.”

“I’m not good at relaxing,” Kevin says, and Aaron laughs delightedly.

“Yeah, I know. Just move. Don’t think about it too much.”

Aaron slides away from him, but his hands are still on Kevin’s arms, guiding him into movement with him. Kevin makes a show of rolling his eyes and playfully trying to pull away, but eventually he starts moving with Aaron, feeling stiff and awkward. His whole life has been a focus on moving for results; the best speed, the sharpest accuracy, the most efficiency he can attain on the court. He’s never just moved for fun. It’s hard to let the tension go from his body, to drop his posture, to let himself just move with the music pulsing up through his feet. Hard, but worth it, if Aaron Minyard keeps smiling at him like that. 

Eventually Aaron lets go of his arms and Kevin keeps moving on his own. Look, I’m a real boy, no strings! He huffs to himself. Aaron scrunches up his nose at him, and Kevin finds joy in this silent conversation between them. Kevin thinks the song changes - the continuous beat of EDM all blends into the same blur of noise to him after a while - and more people join the floor. The press of the crowd shoves them together, Aaron’s back against Kevin’s chest, and his hands hover over Aaron’s hips like they’re the Holy Grail, and Kevin is unsure if it is true or false; if he’ll be rewarded or cursed. 

Another wave in the crowd sends Aaron back firmer against Kevin, and his hands drop on those hips to steady him. Aaron tips his head back against Kevin’s chest and grins up at him, and Kevin thinks he must feel the rapid fire beat of his heart. He hopes he just takes it to be exertion. 

Kevin is glad when Aaron takes his wrist after the song ends - maybe? Maybe it’s several songs? - and leads him off the floor. They say the devil works hard, but Kevin’s skinny jeans are definitely working harder, since he’s essentially been grinding against his newly realised attraction long enough for his body to take definite notice. 

Aaron makes a drinking motion with his hand and raises an eyebrow, a silent question if Kevin is drinking tonight or not. He’s been pretty good lately, and he only had one earlier tonight, but he can feel the tug in his gut like he badly wants a drink. Something to dim down the confusing edge of his feelings. So he nods, and Aaron leans his elbows on the bar, pressing up on the tips of his toes so he can bend across and yell something to Roland. Kevin’s never noticed how adorable that is; the way he has to go on tiptoes to lean across the bar. 

Aaron hands him one of the drinks he’s acquired and quickly claims the only empty stool by the bar. He hoists himself up on it, and Kevin slots himself between Aaron’s legs so they’re not separated by the crowd. There’s a damp strand of hair curling against Aaron’s forehead. Kevin strokes it back without thought. Aaron catches the front of his shirt and pulls him close enough to speak in his ear.

“What’s up with you tonight?”

“What do you mean?”

“Usually dancing is below Kevin Day.”

“I’m just not very good at it.”

“Looked fine to me. Besides, isn’t your whole deal being good at everything?”

“Definitely not. But don’t tell anyone I said that.”

Aaron laughs; a sweet burst of breath against Kevin’s cheek. They finish their drinks and melt into the crowd to dance some more. They find Nicky for a few songs, then lose him again, and when the crowd starts to dissipate some, Aaron leads the way outside. 

“I wanted some fresh air,” he says, still swaying a little to the muffled music. His hair is soaked with sweat, pushed back from his face. His pupils are dilated wide, and his eyes are caught between green and brown in the outdoor lights. Aaron leans his back against the brick wall and sighs, closing those eyes. Kevin stays close and steals long glances at him until Nicky finds them. 

“How did you get Kevin to dance with you? He never dances with me! Not fair, Kevin Day. And you were all handsy and everything. What’s up with that?”

“Shut up, Nicky,” Aaron says, without opening his eyes. “We weren’t anything.”

“Weren’t anything! You were on each other like a rash.”

“Must you project your perverted mind on everything?”

“My mind isn’t part of this. It was my eyes seeing you-“

“Nicky,” Aaron says, his eyes finally opening, gaze flicking to the door. “Shut your mouth.”

“Oh, you think Andrew didn’t see you grinding together?”

“As if Andrew could see me past Josten.”

“I don’t know.”

“We were just dancing, Nicky, Jesus, why do you have to make everything weird?”

Kevin keeps his mouth shut, because that is better than risking putting his, as Aaron calls it, oversized foot in his mouth. Any trace of happiness is gone from Aaron now. He’s all angry, defensive lines. 

“I’ll be by the car.” Aaron storms off. Nicky looks at Kevin with wide eyes.

“I was just saying,” he says. Kevin sighs, folding his arms over his chest.

“Yeah, Nicky, you’re always just saying. Maybe sometimes you shouldn’t.” 

“Rude.” Nicky pouts at him, and Kevin can’t even find it in himself to feel bad about potentially hurting his feelings. Not when he took the happy glow away from Aaron.

“I’ll be by the car too.”

“Kevin. Do you know what you’re doing?”

“Going to the car. Like I said.”

“Hm,” Nicky says, but for once he doesn’t say any more, just watches Kevin go.

*

Nicky leaves for Germany the next week, and the house falls solidly into two camps. There’s Andrew and Neil, and there’s Aaron. Kevin is an infiltrator of both camps, though he spends more time seeking out Aaron. It’s not the third wheel thing; he’s pretty good at ignoring Andrew and Neil’s tension, and he’s willing to suffer it to talk exy with Neil, but it’s Aaron his thoughts keep floating back to, so he tends to gravitate towards him.

This is not always successful. Aaron is, by nature, rather solitary, and with stress of his approaching trial he keeps dipping into silent depressive moods. Sometimes he brushes off Kevin’s offers to watch something together, or go for a walk, and he very firmly shut down Kevin’s attempt to get him to go running with him. He’s more accepting of Kevin’s quiet existence in his space, though, and Kevin often sprawls out on one side of Aaron’s bed to read or watch exy recaps on his laptop, or they sit quietly in the living room doing their own things together. 

Aaron comes in now to find Kevin sunk down low on the couch, cartoons playing on the TV.

“You’re watching cartoons?”

“Andrew put them on. Then he left. I couldn’t be bothered to get the remote and change it. So I’m not so much watching them as we’re coexisting.”

“You couldn’t be bothered to move? Are you sick?”

“Just tired. Bad night.”

Aaron hums his understanding. He finds the remote tucked down the side of the armchair and tosses it onto Kevin’s stomach, then he flops down lengthwise along the couch, wriggling his sock clad feet under Kevin’s thigh. His socks have a blue background with dinosaurs printed on them. Kevin touches one of the t-rexes.

“Do you have a foot fetish?”

“What? No.”

“Then stop touching my feet.”

“Oh, so if I did have a foot fetish, I’d be allowed to touch your feet?”

“No. I’d have to ban you from even looking at them then.”

“If you don’t want me to look, you shouldn’t wear such provocative socks.”

Aaron snorts. Kevin grins. Aaron wiggles his toes beneath Kevin’s leg. Kevin scoops his feet into his lap instead and starts to rub his thumbs against one of the soles.

“What did I just say about touching my feet?” Aaron says, sounding appalled.

“Massages help stimulate blood flow. I’m helping with your circulation.”

Aaron makes a ridiculous face at Kevin that is both a glare and a pout at the same time. It’s incredibly endearing for a show of irritation.

“Whatever,” he says, flopping back against the couch cushions. He’s got a book in his hands that comes to rest against his chest. After a moment, he props it up and opens it. “You’ve inspired me to read more. I never just read books anymore.”

“Didn’t you take a Lit class?”

“Yeah, in first year. So that was over a year ago. I should be reading more often.”

“Well, honoured to be your role model.”

Aaron kicks Kevin with his free foot. Kevin laughs, catching it before Aaron can kick him again, changing his focus to that foot and pretending he can’t see Aaron flipping him off over his book.

“The Shining. Very literary.”

“I don’t judge your taste in literature, so shut the fuck up, Kevin.”

Which is fair. Aaron doesn’t. So Kevin leaves him be, hands returning to absently rubbing Aaron’s feet as he watches TV, the corner of his mouth upturned in a relaxed smile.

*

“Free house,” Kevin says. He’s going for enthusiasm, but his tone falls kind of flat. He’s still not very good at expressing positive emotions genuinely. “Woo.”

Andrew and Neil have left for the weekend with no other details than we’re going for a drive, we’ll be back Monday.

“Good riddance.”

“Still holding onto that grudge against Neil, huh?”

Aaron is quiet for a moment, then he looks at Kevin, his expression carefully neutral.

“Do you know,” he says, voice even. “What he said to me when Katelyn and I split up?”

Kevin shakes his head.

“Andrew, I was expecting to be an asshole. He just said ‘good’. I clearly was not taking it well, and he just looked at me and said ‘good’, but Josten? Josten said: ‘looks like you chose the wrong person to fight for. Better luck next time.’ With this stupid, smug smile on his face. So no, Kevin. Not a grudge. He’s just an asshole.”

“I think there are some things Neil and I understand about each other that only come from shared experience. We get along, so I’m not going to badmouth him-“

“I never asked you to.” Aaron scowls, folding his arms defensively across his chest.

“But,” Kevin continues. “I recognise he can go too far with his words sometimes. That wasn’t fair.”

“Life isn’t fair,” Aaron says, then disappears up to his room. Kevin sighs. Barely five minutes alone with Aaron and he’s fucked it up already.

*

Aaron reappears after a few hours, but he goes straight to the kitchen. He has music playing on his phone, which means he’s likely cooking and will not take well to interruptions. Kevin sits on the couch and listens to the sound of Aaron moving pots and pans, and sometimes the very quiet sound of his voice singing along with his music.

He brings Kevin through a bowl of pasta in a white sauce, crammed full of veggies. Kevin takes it with quiet thanks and they eat in silence, watching some awful reality TV show that’s come on. 

“I’ll get the dishes,” Kevin says when they’re done. “Since you cooked.”

“Whatever.” Aaron disappears once more, and Kevin thinks he won’t see him again for the rest of the night, but he does. Aaron comes back in the same well worn pyjama trousers and faded band shirt from the cabin. “Wanna watch something?”

“Sure.” 

“We should pick something really bad and make fun of it. Nicky and I do that sometimes.”

“Okay?” Kevin smiles, hesitant but agreeable, and he and Aaron go through Netflix until they find something that looks terrible. It ends up being a B horror movie with giant carnivorous snow worms in it. A confusing plot, and worse acting. Aaron and Kevin rip it to shreds with their commentary.

Aaron had started on the far side of the couch, but somehow by the halfway point of the movie he’s made it to Kevin’s side, holding his bicep as he laughs, forehead pressed to Kevin’s arm. Then his head just doesn’t move away again. Kevin is tense beneath him, afraid of overstepping a boundary, wanting desperately to put his arm around Aaron.

It’s only when he hears Aaron’s breathing deepen that he realises he’s fallen asleep against his shoulder. Kevin shifts himself back a bit and arranges Aaron more comfortably against him. Kevin’s been using Nicky’s room in his absence, but he thinks he could go back to sleeping on the couch tonight. He closes his eyes and rests his cheek against the top of Aaron’s head, and as someone else gets swallowed by a giant snow worm on TV, Kevin falls asleep.

*

Aaron wakes him in the early hours of the morning, which is no easy feat. Kevin grumbles his complaint several times, making Aaron increasingly irritated in the process. Eventually he just shoves at Kevin’s side until he finally sits up, glaring blearily at Aaron. His mouth is dry and his neck is stiff from being at an unnatural angle so long.

“Bed,” Aaron murmurs.

“Water,” Kevin counterpoints.

“Mm,” Aaron says, which Kevin takes to be agreement. Aaron turns off the TV and straightens the couch cushions while Kevin gets them both water. They stagger sleepily upstairs, but when Kevin starts to move past Aaron’s room, Aaron catches his wrist. 

“Mmph,” Aaron says. Kevin has a particularly long blink and feels dangerously close to falling asleep on his feet.

“What?”

“Warm,” Aaron says, and gives his wrist another tug. Kevin is too tired to argue. He’s too tired to think. So he willingly flops into Aaron’s bed, and when Aaron climbs in beside him and clicks off the lamp, Kevin wraps him in his limbs without thought. “Too tight.”

“Mmph,” Kevin says, face pressed to Aaron’s hair, already half asleep again. Aaron squirms around in his hold until he’s got himself comfortable, laid against Kevin’s chest. 

“Better.”

Kevin just mumbles something incoherent and holds him closer.

*

It is not often Kevin wakes early without an alarm. He jerks awake from a nightmare that is already fading when he opens his eyes; just the cold discomfort of Bad Feeling clinging to him. He’s learned to be quiet when he wakes from nightmares. Had to be in the Nest. His hand is already instinctively pressed to his mouth to muffle noise.

The cold feeling of his dream starts to ease when he realises he’s lying beside Aaron. Kevin’s rolled over during the night, but Aaron is curled against his back. He very slowly and carefully rolls over to face him, not wanting to disturb him.

There’s the barest hint of early morning summer sun fighting its way through the curtains, painting the room in a deep orange hue. Aaron’s hair is fluffy on one side, sticking up in random spikes. The other is flat against his head where it rests on the pillow, a light flush across his pale cheeks. Kevin knows Aaron always has chapstick on him, but Aaron’s lower lip is chewed raw. There’s signs of a stress break out along his jaw.

It is not like in his books, where the love interest always looks perfect. Clear skin, flattering posture, perfect features. The way Aaron’s lying smushes his cheek up against his eye, making his face uneven, he’s got the suggestion of a double chin from how his head is tucked down towards his chest, and the patchy start of pale stubble scattered along his jaw. He looks human. Soft and vulnerable and real. 

He looks better than any book description.

Aaron makes a soft sound in his sleep. He nuzzles forward towards the source of heat, but since Kevin has rolled over, he’s too far away. He shifts closer. Aaron’s forehead finds his chest and he settles again. Kevin can only see the top of his head now, but he can feel his warmth against him, and like the ocean beating against the shore, it slowly laps away the last of the lingering fear from his dream.

*

Kevin wakes again to the sound of Aaron coming back into the room. His eyes are still heavy and sticky with sleep. He squints one open, watching Aaron towel dry his hair, another towel tied around his waist. His skin is flushed patchy red from the heat of the shower. He crosses to his drawers and Kevin forces his other eye open to fully appreciate the sight of Aaron’s little tummy pouch, how it squishes into rolls when he bends down to get underwear from a lower drawer. Kevin wonders if it feels as soft as it looks.

“You’d better not be watching my ass as I get changed,” Aaron says. Kevin closes his eyes again. Then, as a sign of honour, puts the blanket over his head to be sure. He hears Aaron laugh. “Okay.”

When Kevin lowers the blanket, Aaron is wearing sweats and pulling a t-shirt over his head. He gets one last glimpse of soft Aaron Minyard tummy before Aaron crosses to sit on the bed, pulling on his socks. They’ve got lemons on them. 

“We should go out today. Feel like I’ve been in this house forever.”

“I’m always asking you to-“

“Not on a run. Out out. Into town somewhere.”

So Kevin gets dressed, and follows Aaron into town. He knows some of the local area from his runs, but Aaron leads them further from the residential area of the house and closer to a bustling town centre. He navigates side streets and alleyways with ease, Kevin trailing after him. He’s slowed his pace to let Aaron lead, but even with his vertical challenges, Aaron is a swift walker, so he hasn’t had to slow it by much.

“Are we going anywhere in particular?” Kevin asks.

“Yes.”

“That was informative.”

“Yes.”

“Say something other than yes.”

“No,” Aaron says, and smirks at him. 

The place they end up seems to be more shuttered storefronts than actually active businesses. There’s colourful graffiti on the walls of old buildings. They pass an open area where younger teenagers are skateboarding along the edge of raised flowerbeds that look like they haven’t seen flowers in years.

“We’re not going to get drugs, are we?” Kevin asks, suddenly realising that might be a possibility. He knows immediately it’s the wrong thing to say. Aaron glances at him, and there’s only one flicker second where Kevin can see the hurt in his eyes. Then his expression is shuttering down just like the storefronts, closing off to Kevin, locking him out.

“No. We’re not going to get drugs,” he says, voice flat and irritated. Kevin wants to move away from his anger, but at the same time, he wants to move closer to Aaron, anxious in this unknown space. He ends up just hovering at the same distance, shifting uneasily from foot to foot.

“It was a possibility,” he mutters, even as he thinks to himself why can you not shut up?

“Wow. Nice to know what you really think, Kevin. Thanks for that.”

“I don’t-“

“Whatever.” Aaron goes from walking swiftly to power walking, storming ahead until Kevin has to jog to catch up to him. They take another alleyway, and then come out onto a more open street. Between two grey, boring looking buildings is a faded old store front. The door is peeling and the building is due a coat of paint (or five). There’s no sign to indicate what it is.

Aaron goes ahead and opens the door.

A bell jingles as they enter. A cat springs down from the counter and races to the back. Kevin is immediately hit with the vanilla scent of old books. The store is cramped, dimly lit, and absolutely packed with books. The shelves are crooked and overflowing, almost seeming to bow beneath the weight of all the books they’re carrying. There’s books stacked haphazardly in the corners, on the counter, along the small staircase leading upstairs to more bookcases.

Aaron heads to the staircase and sits on the second step. After a moment, the cat reappears; a sleek, black thing, with wide green eyes. He pads across to Aaron, pausing hesitantly to sniff his fingertips, before nuzzling against his hand. Aaron smiles and gently pets him behind the ears. The car purrs loudly.

“What is this place?”

“It’s a bookshop, Kevin. I thought you were smart enough to work that out.”

Kevin scowls, but Aaron isn’t looking at him. He’s watching the cat as he butts his head against Aaron’s knee and purrs louder. Kevin never thought he’d be jealous of a cat. This is what his life has come to. 

“I didn’t know you liked cats.”

“I prefer dogs, but cats are okay.” Aaron is quiet for a moment before he speaks again. “I thought we could pick books for each other, but maybe you’ll think that’s just a ruse so I can go get high.”

“Aaron.”

“What?”

“I didn’t mean-“

“You did mean it, Kevin. You said it.”

“The area looked kind of… You know, and I was anxious, I was just- I didn’t think.”

Aaron sighs. He gives the cat one more scritch before he stands and folds his arms across his chest.

“Whatever.”

“I like the book idea. Picking for each other.”

“Better get looking then,” Aaron says, and continues up the stairs. Kevin watches him go with a heavy feeling in his stomach, then he turns to glance at the shelves behind him, determined to make it up to Aaron with an excellent book choice.

*

After a frankly ancient but sturdy looking woman materialises to serve him, Kevin takes his bag of books and stands by the door.

“Go outside. No sneak peeks,” Aaron says. Kevin sighs, but obediently goes outside the shop. Aaron joins him shortly after. “Let’s get lunch first. We can exchange books when we get home.”

“Okay,” Kevin says. He wants to say more. He wants to apologise again, but he doesn’t know how to without making things worse, so he just follows Aaron quietly.

They go for sushi, and Aaron’s irritation seems to have dissipated some. He looks relaxed again, and he answers Kevin readily when he talks to him. 

“That store was pretty cool.”

“Yeah. I didn’t have a lot of excess money to spend on things like books, but because it’s second hand I was able to pick up loads in there for cheap. Plus Liz doesn’t mind if you sit and read.”

“That’s the store owner?”

“Mhm. And Darcy is the cat. Like Mr Darcy.”

“Uh?”

“Pride and Prejudice? No? Well, I know what we’re watching this evening. We should pick up ice cream on the way back, since Andrew’s not around to eat it on us. Don’t make that face, Kevin. It’s summer vacation. I’ve already adapted my cooking to include your excessive amount of vegetables. There’s no reason we can’t have ice cream.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You made a face.”

“This is just my face.”

“No, you made the really specific face you get when you’re about to health rant.”

“Whatever,” Kevin says, trying to copy the usual tone Aaron says it in. Aaron kicks him under the table.

*

They wander around some of the other streets, mostly window shopping and enjoying the summer sun. It’s past five by the time they get home, having cut through the park on their way. Kevin’s limbs ache with the good kind of tiredness of being active all day. 

“You wanna go first?” Aaron drops down on the couch. Kevin sits across from him, nervously tugging his bag of books onto his lap.

“Sure. Do you want to just-?” He pushes the bag towards Aaron. Aaron raises a brow, but takes it from him. He pulls the first book out.

“The Little Prince?”

“Ah, yeah. Jean used to tell me that one. On particularly bad nights. I don’t know how accurate his memory was of it, but, yeah. I found it comforting, and I thought it was fitting, because he’s little, and blonde, and he has a fox friend. I don’t know. It’s probably stupid.”

“Rule number one,” Aaron says, interrupting Kevin. “None of the book choices are stupid. That goes against the point.”

He smiles, and Kevin feels the stirring of anxiety in his chest settle fractionally. 

“Thank you.” Aaron glances back into the bag. “There’s more books in here.”

“Ah. Yeah. I wanted to make sure I got one you’d like, so I got-“

“Several?”

“Mhm.”

“Doctor Seep.”

“Yeah, it’s a sequel to The Shining. I thought, since you’re reading it now, if you like it you’ll have the next one.”

“E.E. Cummings.”

“I don’t really understand poetry, but some of them sound nice, and I thought you might like it.”

“You know, I only read poetry as part of my Lit course.”

“Ah.”

“So… This is a good chance to read some more. Okay, The Bell Jar, bit of a wild card.”

“Yeah, I don’t really know what that’s about. I just know it’s one of those books that gets put on lists of books you should read, and, like, people with depression find it relatable?”

Aaron laughs at that, bright and delighted.

“This one is for when I’m depressed then.”

“Maybe.” Kevin shrugs, sheepish. “I’m not very good at this.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Aaron says softly. He pulls out the last book, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. “Are you implying something?”

“I won’t lie, I just picked that one because I thought it looked cool.”

“It does,” Aaron agrees, turning the book over. The cover is illustrated with comic style drawings of scenes Kevin assumes are from the story. Aaron’s face softens as he reads the speech bubbles, fingers tracing the outlines of the drawings. He adds the book to his pile, then laughs. “Five books.”

“That was unintentional,” Kevin says. Aaron keeps laughing. “It was!”

“Also unintentional was that I got you two books,” Aaron says, voice still laced with laughter. Kevin grins. “I didn’t realise you’d buy half the store.”

“You’d need to add at least four zeroes on. That store was packed full of books.”

“Yeah, alright.” Aaron hands Kevin his bag unceremoniously. There’s two books; one slimmer, the other considerably thicker. Kevin pulls out the thicker book first. He takes in the cover; a skeletal Grim Reaper figure holding hands with the outline of a girl. “The Book Thief.”

“Yeah. It’s set in Nazi Germany, so I thought you might like it, because… historical. It’s a really good story though.”

“You’ve read it?”

“Years ago now, but I really enjoyed it. So I thought you might.” Aaron has shifted closer to look at the cover with Kevin, and when Kevin looks up, he feels impossibly close. He can see the usually faded freckles across Aaron’s nose and forehead, starting to darken with the summer sun, the pale splay of his lashes, and when Aaron glances up at him, he gets a close look at his eyes; brown today, with a sunburst of orange and yellow flecks around the pupil. 

“I’m sure I will,” Kevin says, much softer than before.

“Check the other one.”

Kevin pulls out the slimmer book and laughs. It’s a gay (s)exy novel. The cover is a greyscale image of two men. The image is cut off at their noses, their mouths lingering close like they’re just about to kiss. They’re wearing matching uniforms, and their hips are pressed together. The one on the left is clutching the right one’s hips, while the one on the right has an exy stick held out, running a diagonal line across the image. The title reads Take a Shot, and the author is listed as A. Nell-Beeds.

“Inventive name,” Kevin says dryly.

“Yeah, I think Vi B. Rater is a bit more subtle. Maybe that’s why they changed it.”

“What?!”

“I was digging through the old romance section, trying to remember what books I’d seen you with so I didn’t accidentally get one the same. Then I decided to Google some of them to see their ratings, which led me down a Google rabbit hole. Apparently Rater used to self publish much more explicit stuff online under Nell-Beeds. This is the only one of their earlier work that they printed into a physical book.”

Kevin hurriedly flips the book open, skimming through pages until-

“Oh my god! Cock! They use the word cock!”

“Yep. Like I said, more explicit.”

It’s sad how excited Kevin feels about this. He doesn’t even realise how wide he’s grinning until he looks up and finds Aaron smiling back at him.

“Thank you.” 

“Glad you like them.” 

Kevin leans towards Aaron, pauses, moves back, hugs the book to his chest.

“I do.”

Aaron scrunches up his nose.

“Kevin.”

“Mm?”

“Were you about to hug me?”

“I realised it was going to be weird, so I stopped.”

“Why would it be weird?” Aaron watches him, waiting for an answer, but Kevin doesn’t know what to say. “Kevin?”

“I- I don’t know. We don’t hug a lot.”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t ever hug.”

Kevin sits his books to the side. Aaron is watching him with amusement. It’s not like there was a lot of hugging in the Nest. He and Jean clutched to each other when they could, but that was desperation for comfort and connection. Andrew doesn’t do contact, and Kevin realises now that it’s always Jeremy who initiates their hugs. Anytime he and Aaron have hugged previously  has always been when one of them is upset. He holds his arms out awkwardly, changes the angle, pulls a face. Aaron laughs.

“Oh my god, you’re so awkward,” he says, but his tone is so fond that Kevin doesn’t feel the sting of his words. Aaron grabs the front of Kevin’s shirt and pulls him closer, tucking himself in against Kevin’s chest. His arms slip around Kevin’s waist, and Kevin wraps his around Aaron’s shoulder, presses his face against his hair. 

“Thank you,” Kevin says again. Aaron gives his waist a light squeeze.

“You cheated and got me way more,” Aaron says, but Kevin’s not thanking him for just the books.

*

Aaron changes back into his pjs, Kevin trades his jeans for a comfy pair of sweats, and they both take their places on the couch to read their books. Kevin’s sitting up, intently scanning over his- he’s not sure he can still qualify this one as romance, it might just be outright porn - while Aaron’s on his back, The Shining temporarily abandoned for The Little Prince. Kevin’s scooped his feet back onto his lap and is absently rubbing them with one hand while he reads.

“You better not get any awkward boners when my feet are on your lap,” Aaron says. Kevin flips him off because he doesn’t trust his mouth.

Aaron eventually peels himself from the couch to go make dinner.

“Need any help?”

“No. It just makes me irrationally angry when other people are in my kitchen when I’m cooking.”

“Fair enough,” says Kevin, who is halfway into a threesome and doesn’t want to stop reading anyway. A few minutes later he calls through to Aaron: “I might shower, actually.”

“Gross. Didn’t need to know you were going to jerk off.”

“I’m not-“ Kevin starts, but he absolutely is. “Fuck off.”

“Make it quick. This’ll be done in fifteen minutes.”

Kevin is pretty sure it won’t take him long. He hasn’t gotten himself off since they’ve been in Columbia, and he can feel the build up like pressure beneath his skin. It’s not something he’s been thinking about, but now that he’s aware of it, it feels like a pressing need. 

Kevin runs the water pleasantly hot. He washes his hair, then his body, teasing touches across his skin as he soaps himself up and rinses down. He’s hard by the time he reaches down to grasp his cock, his other hand teasing over his nipples, extra stimulation to get him there quicker. Kevin closes his eyes with a sigh and starts going over scenes from his book. Pushed to his knees in the shared showers of a locker room, water running down his face, a hand gripping his hair, looking up at Aaron holding him in place.

Wait. No. Shit. 

There’s the smallest splash of guilt at thinking about Aaron like that, but the surprising heat it flares in his gut is undeniable. Kevin’s legs feel a little weak.

Aaron pulling his hair. Aaron dragging nails down his back. Aaron sucking bruises into his throat. Aaron bending Kevin over the benches of the changing room, leaving hand marks on his ass from his spanks, fucking into him hard until Kevin is begging to come.

Kevin bites down on his right wrist to muffle himself as he comes hard, streaking cum up the wall of the shower. He tilts the shower head, rinsing the wall clean as he steadies himself against it with one hand, his legs weak.

Well. That was new. 

*

Aaron’s made stir fry for dinner, once again heavily loaded with vegetables. Kevin smiles at his plate. Aaron’s been making him vegetarian meals the whole time he’s been here. It’s a little thing, but he had expected that he’d just fend for himself, had not expected that anyone would bend to accommodate his eating habits.

“Thank you. This smells amazing.”

“Wow. Must have been a good orgasm,” Aaron says, and Kevin chokes on his first mouthful of noodles. 

“I can say thank you!”

“News to me.” Aaron’s tongue pokes between his teeth in a playful expression. “You usually just take the plate silently with your resting bitch face in place.”

“I appreciate you always making dinner. I should say that more often.”

“It’s whatever. I like cooking when I have the energy anyway.”

Aaron brings down the star patterned throw blanket from his room after they do the dishes together, sitting close to Kevin so he can spread it over them both as they settle to watch Pride and Prejudice and eat ice cream. 

“Okay.” Kevin breaks off into a yawn as the credits roll. “That was charming, even if Mr Darcy was incredibly awkward.”

“Mm. Who does he remind me of..?”

“Hey.” Kevin pokes Aaron lightly in the side a few times. Aaron squirms and laughs, pushing him away weakly with tired arms. Kevin reaches out and runs his hand through Aaron’s hair without thinking, brushing it back from his face. Aaron stills and blinks up at him, his expression softening. Kevin doesn’t know what to do with the full focus of that gentle attention on him. “You tired?”

“A bit. We could go read upstairs for a while. Though if you get a boner, I’m sending you back to Nicky’s room.”

“Oh, so you’re inviting me to your bed again?”

Aaron flushes immediately. Kevin delights in the fact he caused it.

“You don’t have to sleep there. I just offered since you always come in and bother me anyway.” 

“I’m just teasing. That sounds good,” Kevin says, though when he’s the first to fall asleep in Aaron’s bed, Aaron evidently doesn’t wake him, because he’s spooned against Aaron’s back when he stirs in the morning.

*

Kevin’s hand rubs a slow circle, and he realises he’s doing it! He’s touching Aaron’s soft tummy! His shirt has ridden up and Kevin can feel the fluffy hair of his happy trail leading down from his bellybutton. He strokes his fingers along it, then goes back to rubbing circles around Aaron’s stomach. 

“Mmm.” Aaron stretches out his back, pressing himself against Kevin in the process. A quiet moan escapes Kevin. Aaron looks back over his shoulder with a smirk. “Well good morning.”

“Mornin.”

“Somebody’s happy to see me.”

Kevin feels warm with embarrassment, but Aaron’s expression isn’t annoyed as he looks back at him, as he slowly grinds his ass back against Kevin. Kevin’s hand drops from Aaron’s stomach to his hip, gripping, pulling Aaron back more firmly. Aaron laughs, then reaches for the back of Kevin’s head and pulls him into a kiss.

The next Kevin knows, they’re naked and Aaron is on top of him. Everywhere is warm skin pressing against Kevin. Aaron’s lips are against Kevin’s throat, one hand is on his pec, the other wrapped around his cock. Everything is so hot.

Even Aaron’s fingers.

It’s a weird detail, but Kevin’s brain trips on it, thinking Aaron’s fingers are usually so cold. Unless they’d been under the blanket while they were sleeping, but the blanket had been down by Aaron’s hips when Kevin woke up…

*

Kevin opens his eyes. He’s still spooned against Aaron’s back, but this Aaron is breathing evenly. Kevin’s hand isn’t on his stomach, but his arm is draped over his waist. Kevin sighs sleepily against the back of Aaron’s neck, automatically nuzzling closer to him. Aaron makes a soft sound in his sleep, arching his back against Kevin, and Kevin realises that while the rest may have been a dream, he is still most definitely hard.

Kevin recoils so quickly he falls off the side of the bed, dragging the duvet with him, landing in a tangled heap.

“Mm. Kevin? What are you doing?”

“Run,” Kevin says. “I need to run. I missed yesterday.”

“You can’t take a weekend off?”

“Nope. No. Have to keep active. I’m always telling you, just because we’re off the court, doesn’t mean we can slack.” He’s rambling. He can hear himself. Voice coming out fast and higher than usual. He’s lucky Aaron seems too sleepy to notice, blinking at him blearily. 

“Right. Well, can I have my blanket back?”

“Uh, of course. Yes. Here.” Kevin shakes the blanket out and drapes it over Aaron, head included. Aaron makes an annoyed sound, but Kevin’s already fled the room by the time he gets it pushed down and his head freed.

Kevin locks himself in the bathroom and gets his briefs down as quickly as he can manage. He gets a hand around his cock and strokes it fast, trying not to think of Aaron.

He doesn’t succeed, but he comes so hard it distracts him from the guilt.

*

Aaron is making eggs when Kevin gets back from his run. Kevin follows his nose into the kitchen, hovering over him. Aaron waves a spatula at him.

“I warned you about coming into my kitchen. Go sit at the table.”

Kevin showers after breakfast, and they spend another hour reading on the couch together before going for a walk. Kevin realises, as he’s watching Aaron pull on his shoes to go out, how comfortable he’s gotten with the domesticity of the past few days. Not something he ever thought to want, but he likes it. He’s lost his routine of classes and practice, but Aaron has given him a new routine to structure himself around. He’s given him warm evenings of contact to look forward to. Kevin wonders if that stops when Andrew and Neil get back. He knows Aaron’s never in such good form when they’re in the house.

“I’ve enjoyed the last few days,” Kevin says, when they’ve turned and are making their way back. He walks close enough to Aaron that every so often their fingers accidentally brush against each other. Kevin wishes he were brave enough to just take his hand. He thinks that even if he were allowed, he would struggle to do it here, where anyone might see.

It’s weird, because he knows this is a bad idea, and he knows it won’t be good for his career, and he knows that should be his focus since his actual life hangs in the balance now. He knows all these things as facts, and yet he still wants, sharp and fierce and cutting right through everything else. He wants Aaron, and it is not a feeling he can turn off, regardless of how hard he tries. It is a feeling that refuses to quit. 

“Yeah. So have I.”

“It’s not going to be the same when they get back, is it?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s felt different. Just us.”

“I guess.”

Kevin thinks if he’s ever going to tell Aaron, this is probably the best time. He doesn’t know if they’ll ever be as alone as this again; with Andrew and Nicky away, and surely if Aaron is going to reject him, it would be easier to handle if it’s just them. Even the thought of telling him makes Kevin so fiercely anxious that his head gets light and his throat feels tight and constricted. His breathing is coming faster as they turn back onto their street.

“Kevin? Hey, hey. It’s okay. What’s up?”

Kevin shakes his head.

“Are you anxious about Andrew coming back?”

Head shake.

“About being away from the court?”

Head shake.

“About going back to spend time with Wymack as your dad for once?”

Kevin is anxious about that, but not right now. He shakes his head again.

“It’s you,” he says.

“Me? I’m making you anxious?”

“No. Yes. Not your fault. I’m making me anxious about you.”

“You’re losing me,” Aaron says. He unlocks the door quickly, pushing it open. “Come sit down and I’ll-“

“No.” Kevin follows Aaron in and catches his arm. He has to do this now before he chickens out. Aaron raises his brows, but leans past Kevin and presses shut the front door he neglected to close. “How I feel about you is making me anxious. Or, not how I feel, but telling you about it.”

Aaron goes tense in Kevin’s grip and Kevin knows that he knows. Of course he does. Aaron is smart. 

“And how is that?” Aaron asks, because of course he would still make Kevin say it. 

“Big. Constant. Confusing. I can’t turn it off. I’ve tried, but everytime I see you, it’s like…” Kevin touches his chest in a rapid little beat. “And when we touch… I just. Uhm. Yeah. I don’t want this to stop. The sitting together on the couch, the sleeping together, the being close to you. I just- Yeah. So. Now you know.”

Kevin’s hands are shaking by the end, anxiety tremors from being so vulnerable shivering through him. He had been staring at Aaron’s shoulder while he spoke, but now he looks up at his face. Aaron is pale, expression grim. 

“Kevin,” he starts, but can’t seem to find any more words. He tugs his arm out of Kevin’s weak hold, shaking his head. “I can’t. I can’t do this. You don’t even know what you’re saying.”

“What? I do. Aaron-“

Kevin doesn’t really know what he’s going to babble out as he feels his chest close in on itself, but it doesn’t matter. Aaron isn’t listening. He’s already making his way up the stairs. 

*

How did you tell Jean you liked him?

DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE???? 👀👀👀

Maybe

WHO IS IT??? 👀👀👀

That doesn’t matter

Just tell them!

I did. He told me I didn’t know what I was saying and walked off on me.

What did you say?

I don’t know

So he wasn’t wrong then

No! I know I said something about feelings. I was just so anxious I can’t remember exactly what I said. It’s all like static in my head.

Does he know you? Like well?

Yeah

Then he should know that you’re not good with words 

Jeremy ☹️

It’s true! You’re really good in interviews or about exy but when it comes to personal things and feelings you sUCK my dude 

😐 et tu, Brute?

I had to ask Jean what that meant but yes et me

Or moi!

Et moi!

But it’s not your fault you suck at personal stuff you just never had the vocabulary to do that before you know Jean wasn’t great at talking about stuff either it just wasn’t something you learned in the Nest but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn it now 😃😃😃

I believe in you Kevin just take some of that Day fire you have on the court and go tell him open and honestly 

And if he still says no it’s his loss you’re an absolute catch nOT because you’re ✨KEVIN DAY✨ but because you’re Kevin 🥰

Unless it’s Andrew Minyard then maybe take the no and leave it 😃

It’s not Andrew 

Okay

I’ll tell you who it is if it goes well

☹️ but not if it doesn’t? Tease 

I need to save some face

Even from me??? 😩

Thanks Jeremy 

For always listening

Of course Kevin 🥰 that’s what friends are for 🥰💖

I’m learning that

Now go get him queen 😤💖✨

*

Kevin is steadying himself to go upstairs when a single text comes through from Jean.

We miss every shot we do not take. We have spent enough time unhappy and afraid. 

Thank you.

It doesn’t make Kevin any less afraid, but it gives him hope. If Jean can bear to talk to him again, if they can piece together something from the mess of their wretched past, then surely even if he fucks up royally with Aaron they can find a way to be okay. 

*

“Aaron.” Kevin knocks lightly on his door. There’s music playing, but it’s not loud enough to drown him out.

“Go away.”

“Can we talk? Please. I don’t want to just avoid each other until I leave.”

Aaron says nothing. Kevin sighs.

“To clarify, I like you. I don’t think I managed to put that in as many words. So. Yeah.” 

Kevin waits, but after another stretch without an answer, he goes back downstairs. It could have been a worse rejection. Aaron could have called him disgusting, or threatened to tell Andrew, or-

Footsteps pad down the stairs after him. Kevin turns where he’s standing in the living room, watches Aaron hesitantly cross to stand beside him.

“Why?” he says.

“Why what?”

“Why are you telling me? Why now?”

“Because I want you to know. Because I’ve got the same kind of fear in my gut like when I was going to tell Wymack he was my father, but this time I’m choosing to tell you. I’m not waiting for anyone to force it out of me. Because, even as much as I have that same fear of rejection, I still want you to know. Even if you don’t feel the same, I just… I want you to know.”

“Kevin,” Aaron starts, and then he sighs, and Kevin feels sick. Aaron runs a hand through his hair. “It’s only been a few months since Katelyn, and even less since you… with Thea. What if this is just some kind of rebound?”

“I know it was different for you and Katelyn, but Thea and I… Do you know what she said when I told her I thought we should break up? ‘Break up? But we’re not even really in a relationship.’ In hindsight, I think she was right. We were only together in name. It had been a lot longer since it felt like a relationship, and I never felt like this. This isn’t a rebound for me, Aaron. I wouldn’t have said anything if I wasn’t sure.”

Aaron shakes his head. He takes a few steps away, like he can’t bear to be too close to Kevin, and Kevin’s chest aches.

“Listen, I get it, you don’t like guys-“

“It’s not that,” Aaron says. “I do. I might. I think.”

“Oh, you just don’t like me, then. Well, that’s okay,” Kevin says, while feeling like it is absolutely the furthest thing from okay ever.

“But that’s the thing. I think I do.”

“Oh.” Kevin should be happy to hear that, but the devastated tone Aaron says it in kind of puts a dampener on it. “Is that so bad?”

“Yes. Maybe. I can’t- I couldn’t protect her. From Andrew. The whole time. I couldn’t, and then on the bus, when he… I couldn’t stop him then either.”

“Aaron-“

“I don’t want you to get hurt again because of me.”

“That wasn’t anything to do with you.”

“I didn’t even try. I just froze up. I just watched-“

“And you’re the only person that sat with me afterwards. After Abby checked my throat, you helped me through the anxiety attack. You settled me through the flashbacks and nightmares. Everyone else was so preoccupied with Neil - and I get it, I know, he was going through worse - but you’re the only one that actually gave a fuck, Aaron. I would probably have just hyperventilated myself unconscious or something without you.”

Aaron sniffs. He looks at Kevin for a long moment before he speaks.

“I’m afraid of fucking up again,” Aaron says, in a voice so frail and small Kevin barely recognises it. “It was bad enough with Katelyn, but if I fuck this up, I have to see you every day. We have years left playing together. You’re always going to be there and I don’t know if I can- how I-“

“Aaron,” Kevin says, aiming for soft and patient, but as always, sounding more blunt than intended. “If anyone is going to fuck this up, it’s going to be me.”

“You don’t fuck things up.”

“What happened to you seeing me, huh? I fuck loads of things up.”

“No. People fuck things up on you, and then you find ways to make them even better.”

“That’s not true. I’ve definitely fucked up. I mean, I’ve fucked up several times this weekend alone, and I’m sure you’ve seen me throw up into a bush and then proceed to fall head first into the same bush.”

Aaron laughs in spite of himself. He sniffs, gives a nod, a smile still tugging at his mouth.

“Yeah, okay, that’s true. That was a pretty spectacular fuck up.”

“Yes. Glad I was blackout for that, though I don’t appreciate the Snapchat footage Nicky insisted on sending me. Some memories I can do without,” Kevin says. Aaron huffs another laugh. “Though I do remember it was Doctor Minyard who cleaned up all my scratches and made me drink water before he put me to bed.”

Aaron's face softens into fondness, before his expression hardens again. He folds his arms across his chest and takes yet another half step away from Kevin. 

“Is that the only reason you like me? Because I look after you? I talk you down from anxiety attacks, I manage your hangovers, I tend your wounds. Maybe you’re confusing feelings for kindness.”

“Aaron.” Kevin sighs, frustrated. “I told you that it’s fine if you don’t feel the same, but you don’t have to keep trying to disprove what I feel. Yeah, I like that you do those things. It’s nice, to feel that someone gives a shit. It’s nice to have someone care for me even when they don’t get anything in return for it, but that’s not the only reason I like you.”

“Then why?”

“Why?” Kevin is mystified by this question. He can’t think of a reason he wouldn’t adore Aaron; and yet Aaron’s expression is guarded, distrustful. Kevin realises that while it makes sense to him as a feeling, he’s going to have to prove it to Aaron in words. “Because I see you.”

Aaron huffs, rolling his eyes, tilting his body away from Kevin. Kevin steps closer, light fingers on Aaron’s chin turning his face back towards him. His fingers linger for a moment, then Kevin steps back again, allowing Aaron his space.

“I see you, Aaron. Sarcastic and cutting, putting up barbs so people can’t see how much you’re hurting underneath. I see you subtly trying to wipe your eyes when you think no one’s looking because you always tear up when Nicky picks one of his sappy rom coms for movie night. I see you putting your heart and soul into becoming a doctor because you want to be there for people in the way that no one was there for you. I see you taking Lit and Psychology classes even though they don’t benefit your degree, because you just love learning, because you want to learn and experience so much. 

Yeah, Aaron, I see you. Your wit, and intelligence, and humour, but also your vulnerability, your defensiveness, your fear. I see you still going to therapy with Andrew even when you’re barely speaking because you’re so committed to making it work. I see you stubborn and brilliant and proud, but still compassionate and overflowing with empathy. I see the way you always pause to stare at the stars when the sky is clear, the way animals take to you, the way you quote poetry in casual conversation, and the fact that I’m never the smartest person in a room when you’re in it too, and that’s okay. I don’t mind if it’s you. I’ve seen some of your darkness, and I’m not afraid. Not of you.

I won’t pretend I see all of you. I know you’re good at hiding. I know you’ve only entrusted me with a few of your secrets, but I hope I can keep them safe all the same. I don’t think I’ve seen all of you, but I… I want to see more. If you’ll let me.”

Aaron moves towards him so swiftly that for a moment Kevin thinks he’s going to hit him. Then he’s fisting a handful of Kevin’s shirt and dragging him down, and it is all his books happening at the same moment. He feels the static sensation as their lips meet, the giddy tremor below his skin, feels every nerve ending light up like a fucking Christmas tree. He thought they were hyperbole, but when Aaron kisses him, it’s fantasy brought to life.

It takes Kevin a moment to recover from his shock and kiss back. He leans down further, so it’s easier for their lips to meet. One arm wraps around Aaron’s waist, and the other cups his cheek, holds his face lightly like something to be cherished. One of Aaron’s hands has made it into Kevin’s hair and he’s holding firmly, sending tingles through Kevin’s whole scalp. He gasps softly against Aaron’s lips, then moans when Aaron licks into his mouth, his tongue a soft, teasing swipe that is a world away from the harsh claim of Thea’s kisses.

Kevin is just starting to guide them back towards the  couch so they can more comfortably enjoy this make out session when the front door opens. 

Aaron springs away from him like he’s been electrocuted. He swiftly smooths his shirt down, then drags his wrist over his mouth. Kevin is frozen, muscles tense with panic. Aaron motions at his hair, and Kevin hurriedly pats it down.

Aaron has just thrown himself onto the couch when Andrew and Neil come through to the living room, his phone in hand as he pretends to look at it. Kevin glances up at them from where he’s standing in the centre of the room. Andrew and Neil stare back at him.

“I was stretching,” Kevin says, unprompted. “We can’t let ourselves seize up just because we’re not practicing everyday. We still need to-“

“I don’t care,” says Andrew, heading towards the stairs. 

“I’m still keeping up with stretching,” Neil says. Aaron’s back is to Neil, so only Kevin can see the mocking expression he pulls at that. “Wanna go for a run before dinner?”

“Sure,” Kevin says. Aaron glares at him over his phone, which is definitely upside down.

“Alright. Be ready in ten.” Neil jogs up the stairs. Aaron sets his phone down quite firmly on the couch cushion.

“You kiss me like that and then you’re going to run off with Josten? You ran this morning.”

“I panicked,” Kevin says. He puts his hands on the back of the couch and leans over Aaron, ducking down to kiss him again, but Aaron turns his head away. Kevin’s lips graze his cheek.

“No,” he says, pushing Kevin’s chest back. “I need to think about this. Go for your run. We’ll talk later.”

Kevin flashes Aaron a hurt look, but Aaron doesn’t acknowledge him. He slides out from under his arms and makes his way upstairs.

*

Dinner is a silent affair. It’s not out of character for the twins, but usually Neil and Kevin fill the silence between them. Kevin doesn’t feel much like talking tonight. He keeps trying to catch Aaron’s eye, but Aaron won’t look at him, and he disappears back to his room as soon as the dishes are done.

“Did you fight while we were gone?” Andrew asks. His tone is even, and yet it still feels like a threat.

“No,” Kevin says, which is the truth. “I think he’s just not feeling very good at the moment.”

Andrew hums, but accepts that. Aaron’s bad moods have been coming in waves lately.

Kevin retires to his room early and tries to read, but he just keeps thinking about how Aaron picked out this book for him, and then his chest gets all heavy and sad. He wishes Aaron had not kissed him at all if he’s just going to push him away. Now that he’s kissed him once, all Kevin can think about is doing it again.

Eventually he gives up on reading. He can’t focus. Can’t focus enough to do anything, so he just curls up in bed and marinates in his misery. If he has a bit of a cry, that’s his business.

He hears Andrew and Neil moving past his door after a while, then their own door closing, and then the house is mostly quiet. The room brightens as Kevin’s phone screen flashes, and he fumbles for it without much enthusiasm, just expecting Jeremy to be checking back in. His heart leaps promptly to the base of his throat when it’s Aaron’s name he sees on the screen.

Are you not coming to bed?

I’m in bed?

Not what I meant.

I didn’t think you wanted me to 

You and thinking are a dangerous combination

My door is open

Kevin feels like he hits every creaky floorboard on his way to Aaron’s room. Like the door screams when he opens it. He knows it’s just his anxiety exaggerating every sound, knows that he spent plenty of time in Aaron’s room before anyway, so it’s not like Andrew’s mind would automatically jump to this, and still.

Aaron’s only got the lamp on. He’s sitting cross legged on his bed in a pair of pyjama trousers with the Avengers printed over them, and a Captain America shirt that was probably once black but has faded with washing. His socks have paw prints on them. Something in Kevin automatically relaxes at the sight of him. 

Aaron pats the bed beside him, and Kevin crosses and hesitantly sits himself on the edge. 

“I don’t bite,” Aaron says. Then tilts his head. “Often.”

“I don’t really know how we stand,” Kevin admits. Aaron shifts, hugging his knees up to his chest.

“I don’t want to do casual, Kevin. I did the hiding thing. I hated it. I can’t be like Thea. If you really want to do this, then you actually have to date me. I don’t want to be flashed around in the media, so I don’t care if you don’t want to go public, but we have to tell the people we know.”

“Okay,” Kevin says. It’s still a concept that scares him, but he already thought this through before he said anything.

“Okay?”

“Yeah. I already thought about this before I told you.”

“Oh. And, we have to actually do things together outside of exy. I don’t want this to just be a hook up.”

“Aaron. It’s not. I don’t know what else I have to say to-“

“No, I heard you, but that’s here. Where everything else is gone and it’s easier to just be us. I know it won’t be like that when we get back to school, and if you’re going to chicken out then, I’d rather we just didn’t-“

Kevin leans in and kisses Aaron. It’s just a brief kiss, but when he pulls back, Aaron is glaring at him.

“You can’t just kiss me to shut me up.”

“I can. I did. I’ll do it again.” Kevin does kiss him again. “I told you, you’re not like Thea, and I already want to date the fuck out of you. I want to hold your hand, and cuddle when we watch awful movies. I want to exchange books so we can both read them and then talk about them. I want to find somewhere where the sky is clear so I can take you to look at the stars. I want to listen to you talk about your scientific medical jargon I have no clue about, just because I like seeing you passionate. I want you to teach me to cook so I can look after you when you’re not feeling well. I want this, Aaron. All of this.”

Aaron relaxes against Kevin as he speaks. His ears are flushed dark, and there’s a pink blush across his cheeks. 

“Okay,” he says quietly. “I want that too. Even if I’m not sold on you cooking.”

Kevin laughs. Aaron smiles. Kevin leans down, and Aaron tilts his head up to meet him. They topple onto the bed, Kevin’s arm tucked under Aaron’s neck, his other wrapped around his waist. One of Aaron’s hands is on the back of Kevin’s head, the other is pressed to his chest between them. Their kisses start out slow, experimental, learning each other’s rhythm, but it’s not long before they’re making out heatedly again.

Kevin shifts them so he’s leaning over Aaron, propped up on one elbow, licking hotly into his mouth. Aaron gives a quiet, muffled whine against Kevin’s mouth, and Kevin’s whole body feels hot. He slides a hand under Aaron’s shirt and smooths his palm along the side of his stomach, finally feeling the softness of his skin for real. 

“This okay?” Kevin asks, drawing back slightly. Aaron nods, hooking his arms around Kevin’s neck and pulling him down to kiss again. 

It takes Kevin very little time to get hard, his cock pressing against Aaron’s thigh. He can feel Aaron smirking against his mouth when he notices, sliding one of his legs between Kevin’s thighs and pressing up against him. Kevin moans and grinds down, rocking himself against Aaron. His hand slides higher under Aaron’s shirt until his thumb strokes against his nipple. Aaron startles.

“What are you doing?”

“Uh. Which part?”

“Your hand.”

“I was… touching you? Is it bad?”

“It’s weird.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Does it feel bad?”

“No. I just… No one ever…”

“Katelyn never touched your nipples?”

“Can we not. Talk about. My ex. In bed. Please. Jesus. ”

“Sorry, sorry. I’ll stop if you want, but I mean, we have the same nerve endings, it’s not like it’s just a girl thing.”

“This may surprise you, but I am actually aware of anatomy.”

Kevin looks down at Aaron, flushed and indignant, glaring up at him, and bursts into giggles. He ducks down and buries his face against Aaron’s neck, his body shaking against him.

“Don’t laugh at me, you fuck!”

“I’m not. Not at you. I just think it’s funny. I’m grinding against your leg and you’re getting annoyed I’m undermining your anatomy knowledge.” Kevin tries to get his laughter under control as he pushes back up to meet Aaron’s eyes. Aaron shifts, torn between embarrassed and irritated. “It’s just so us. I can’t imagine that ever happening with anyone else. It’s just. Yes. This. I like this.”

He leans down and presses a line of kisses along Aaron’s heated cheek. Aaron holds on to his irritation for a moment longer, then relaxes beneath Kevin again, hands running up his back.

“I won’t touch you any way you don’t want me to,” Kevin murmurs as he reaches Aaron’s ear. He takes the lobe between his teeth and nips gently. Aaron exhales swiftly. “Just tell me to stop, and I will, but if you’re not sure if you like something or not, we can always try it.”

“Maybe it’s okay. I don’t know,” Aaron says, but his hands tighten on Kevin’s shoulders and he bites his lower lip when Kevin slowly teases a thumb over his nipple again. “Whatever.”

“I think,” Kevin says, low and hot, pausing to trace the shell of Aaron’s ear with his tongue. “That you like it.”

“Stop teasing me.”

“But I love teasing you.”

Aaron catches Kevin by the hair and tugs to guide him back to kissing. It’s a gentle tug; not sharp enough that if Kevin resisted it would take any hair out. There’s consideration in it. Aaron taking control but trying not to hurt Kevin. He’s so used to people just using him how they please, he melts into the kiss, stroking his thumb repeatedly over Aaron’s nipple, determined to make him feel as good.

“Shirt off,” Aaron says, voice thick and breathy. “Want to feel you.”

“You too,” Kevin says. He pulls his own shirt off quickly, but stops Aaron when he reaches for the base of his. Kevin slides down to push it up instead. He nuzzles his nose along the waistband of Aaron’s pyjama trousers, before starting to dot kisses upwards as he pushes his shirt up. Aaron watches him with flushed cheeks as Kevin kisses around his belly button. He opens his mouth wide against Aaron’s stomach and flicks his tongue swiftly against the skin until Aaron is stifling giggles.

“Stop that. Tickles.” He gives Kevin’s hair another light tug, and Kevin moves higher, kissing a line up the centre of his ribs. Aaron pushes up on one hand so he can slide his shirt over his head. Kevin helps him get free of it and tosses it away, and then Aaron is curling his arms around his neck and pulling him in again. They press together, skin on skin, heat caught between them.

They kiss for much longer than Kevin thinks he’s ever kissed before sex. Aaron’s hands trace slow paths down his back, and Kevin keeps touching Aaron everywhere. Running a hand down his bicep, sliding his palm up the side of his neck, cupping the line of his jaw, tracing down the side of his torso, carding fingers through his hair, stroking a thumb along his ear. 

Kevin is hard and desperately aroused, and yet he thinks he could do this all night. Just kiss and kiss and kiss Aaron, bodies pressed so close together they’re basically one moving mass, shifting against each other, both getting a little joy from friction, but not prioritising it. Just tender touch and soft sounds and feeling more connected with someone than he ever has before.

It’s Aaron who eventually says: “Roll over.”

Kevin lets Aaron guide him on to his back, watches with hooded eyes as Aaron straddles him. His hand is pressed to Kevin’s chest and Kevin is certain he can feel the hard beat of his heart beneath his palm. Aaron rocks his hips against him and Kevin’s head tips back with a moan.

“Shhh.” Aaron leans down to kiss him. “Quiet. Andrew will hear.”

He smooths his hand down Kevin’s cheek so sweetly that Kevin doesn’t even feel reprimanded. He just nods, turning his head to kiss Aaron’s palm. 

“Okay,” Aaron says. He takes a breath. “Okay, I haven’t done this before, so.”

“It’s not very hard.”

“It feels considerably hard.”

Kevin barks out a laugh. Aaron presses his hand over Kevin’s mouth. Kevin kisses his palm again. 

“I can get you off and you can see what I do,” Kevin says.

“No. I want to get you off first.” Aaron says this very assertively. Kevin’s dick is very interested in that assertiveness. 

“Well, I’ll not complain.”

“Funny, I didn’t think you would.” Aaron smirks, and Kevin grins up at him, and everything feels so easy. Is this how it was always meant to be? And okay, he guesses that having Riko hanging around like a dark cloud probably impacted his previous experiences, but he can’t imagine it ever having been like this.

Aaron leans down to kiss him, and Kevin’s hands go to his waist, squeezing above his hip bones. Aaron slowly shifts down his body, doing a reverse of what Kevin did to him. He kisses down his throat, and Kevin doesn’t understand for a moment why he’s dotting such soft, careful kisses along it in a line, and then he realises it’s where the bruises from Andrew’s fingers would have been. Kevin swallows. Aaron presses a last soft kiss to his Adam’s apple, then bites the sensitive area over his pulse point. Kevin inhales in a hiss.

“If you leave marks-“

“I won’t. It’s sucking too hard that leaves hickeys. I know what I’m doing.”

“Oh, okay, hickey master over here.”

“Had to hide my relationship for like a year. You learn things like that early.” Aaron bites the curve where Kevin’s neck meets shoulder and Kevin squeezes his hips. He smooths his hand up over Kevin’s chest, palm brushing over his pec. 

“Are you looking for boobs?”

“No. I’m just touching you.” Aaron scowls, then immediately frowns. “Do you not like it?”

“I do. I’m just teasing you. I like that, too.” Kevin smiles. Aaron flicks his nipple. He hisses at the jolt of pleasure-pain, surging up to kiss Aaron firmly in reprimand, nipping his lower lip. It blends into a longer kiss before Aaron shoves his chest back.

“Stop kissing me. I’m getting you off now.”

“But I like kissing you.”

“More kissing later.”

“I’ll add it to the agenda.”

Aaron bites the soft skin above Kevin’s hip and Kevin muffles his laugh against the back of his hand. Somehow, between soft touches and quiet laughter and a few more stolen kisses, Aaron manages to get Kevin naked. He traces his fingers along the length of his cock, then takes him in hand, stroking experimentally, watching Kevin’s face closely for his reaction. 

“So, in my defence,” Kevin says, fighting back a moan. “This has been considerably more foreplay than I’m used to. So. Don’t judge me.”

Aaron huffs and shakes his head. Kevin presses up, and Aaron leans in to kiss him sweetly while his hand works slow and light, getting accustomed to the feel of him. Kevin makes soft, reassuring sounds of pleasure. Aaron lifts his palm and licks along it several times, a sight that makes Kevin’s stomach tighten. His touch moves slightly easier when he wraps his fingers around Kevin again, and Kevin knows he is close already.

“Aaron.”

“Yeah?”

“Just- Aaron. Just saying your name.”

“Oh. You just. Said it really seriously. Like you actually wanted my attention.”

“Wow. My sexual performance getting reviewed and I haven’t even gotten you off yet.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

So Aaron does. He kisses Kevin in a way that feels tactically sloppy. Like, he’s kissing with an urgency that feels need driven, but still employing more skill than such frantic kissing would usually have. Kevin’s mouth is too occupied to comment, though, and a good thing, too, for when Aaron mimics the way Kevin was thumbing at his nipple earlier, Kevin’s moan is stifled by their kiss.

“Aaron,” Kevin says, pulling back, urgent now.

“See. Now you sound suitably wrecked.”

“Aaron.” Kevin squeezes his bicep. “Close.”

“Alright. Good.” Aaron shifts his angle so he can move his arm easier, stroking Kevin faster. Kevin flops back on the bed, forearm across his mouth to try and keep himself quiet as Aaron takes him over the edge. He presses his arm down and bites into it as his body tenses, then releases all in a rush. 

Kevin blinks his eyes open to Aaron gently smoothing back his hair and peppering kisses along his cheek. He nuzzles against him, then turns his head and gives Aaron weak, dazed kisses between catching his breath.

“Was that okay?” Aaron asks, not meeting Kevin’s eyes. 

“Mmm. Yes. Good. Very.”

Aaron snorts and buries his face against Kevin’s shoulder for a moment, then rolls over and digs through the bedside table drawer for tissues. He gently cleans Kevin up, and Kevin soaks in both the afterglow and the gentleness of Aaron’s attention.

“Thanks.”

“Well I don’t want your jizz all over my bed now, do I?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you’re into that.”

“Ugh.” Aaron bins the tissues and moves to lie against Kevin’s chest, but Kevin springs up suddenly and presses Aaron down on his back. 

“Your turn.”

Aaron starts to say something, but Kevin kisses him before he can. Aaron hums a sound of protest but doesn’t move away. Kevin reaches down and palms him through his pj trousers. Aaron’s fingers grasp at his shoulders. 

“Can I suck you off?” Kevin says when he draws back. 

“I don’t know,” Aaron says. “Can you?”

“Fuck you.”

“Isn’t that what you’re doing?”

Kevin ducks his head down and nips sharply at the skin over Aaron’s collarbone. Aaron’s hand moves to his hair and tugs lightly in retort. Kevin glances up and meets his eye, smirking mischievously, before he moves further down and takes Aaron’s nipple in his mouth. Aaron makes a surprised keen, his hips pressing up, seeking pressure. Kevin lightly holds his nipple between his teeth and runs his tongue over it until Aaron is squirming beneath him. 

Kevin pulls Aaron’s pjs off unceremoniously and throws them over the side of the bed somewhere.

“You’re messing up my room,” Aaron says.

“Oh no,” Kevin says, absolutely no sympathy in his voice. He lies between Aaron’s legs and hooks his arms beneath his thighs. He presses his face to Aaron’s stomach, trailing little nips and kisses down to his cock. Kevin gives him a few strokes. He looks up, meets Aaron’s glassy and pupil-blown eyes, and then takes him in his mouth. 

Aaron’s lashes flutter, like his eyes are trying to close but he’s forcing them open to keep watching Kevin. His fingers loosen in Kevin’s hair, bitten down nails lightly scratching over his scalp, and Kevin feels all aglow under the affection. He bobs his head a few times, getting Aaron slicked up with his spit, then draws his tongue in a long, flat line along the underside. He’s determined to save some face on how quickly he came by hopefully getting Aaron off quickly too. There will be plenty of time for teasing in the future; for nights where Kevin can take it slow and draw it out, but tonight there’s been too much build up, and he’s been anticipating this for too long. 

Kevin strokes the base of Aaron with one hand as he circles his tongue around the tip. He suckles the head for a few moments, then sinks down again, hollowing his cheeks and starting to bob his head to the same rhythm of his hand. Aaron’s breathing starts to come faster. Kevin glances up through his lashes to watch him, taking in the way Aaron’s flush has spilled down his chest now. Meeting Aaron’s gaze, Kevin hollows his cheeks in suction as he draws his mouth up the length of his cock. As he slides down again, his other hand stretches up to toy with Aaron’s nipple.

“Kevin,” Aaron whisper hisses. “Kevin. KevinKevinKevin-“

“Mmm?”

“Close. Closeclose. Kevin.”

“Mm-mmm.” Kevin hums encouragingly, feeling Aaron’s thighs starting to tense around him. God, he spent so long thinking about Aaron’s tummy he never gave full appreciation to his legs. Solid thigh muscle with a soft layer of fat over them. It is unbearably hot when Aaron squeezes Kevin’s head between them, hips fucking up against his face.

Aaron’s body shudders through his orgasm. His jaw is clenched tight to silence himself, but a small, muffled moan still makes its way out, and Kevin finds that also terribly attractive. Kevin swallows around him as he comes, then cleans him off with little kitten licks until Aaron is twitching from over sensitisation. Satisfied, Kevin crawls up the bed to lay alongside him.

“Fuck,” Aaron says, still adequately winded.

“Mmm don’t know if I can go again.” Kevin’s tone is teasing. He nuzzles against Aaron’s cheek, dotting light kisses over his face. Aaron turns his head and allows Kevin to kiss him sweetly, even as he’s still slack in his arms, wrung out from his orgasm.

Eventually they turn off the lights and get into bed, Aaron making sure to lock the door. Kevin curls an arm around Aaron and slots a leg between his. Aaron hooks his leg over Kevin’s hip. What starts as a few soft good night kisses turns into another make out session, all the urgency of lust burned out of them now, it’s just slow, sweet, sensual. Aaron’s hands run through Kevin’s hair, his nails draw lightly over his scalp, his fingers trace soft lines down Kevin’s cheeks. It’s been a long time since anyone has handled him so gently. 

When they do finally start to slow, coming apart only to meet in a final few brief, chaste kisses, like neither of them can get enough, Kevin falls asleep with his arm around Aaron’s waist and his face pressed to Aaron’s throat. Aaron’s cheek is against his hair, one hand on Kevin’s back and the other resting on the arm thrown across his waist. After everything, his fingers are warm tonight.

*

It’s Aaron Minyard.

Oh

OH

DOES THAT MEAN IT WENT WELL????

Also I wasn’t far off in my guess 👀

Yes, it went well

Yes, you were far off

They’re very different 

Okay fair and CONGRATS 🥰🎉

*

Kevin had planned to go back to Palmetto after a few weeks, but now he’s loath to leave Aaron. He takes a weekend to go up to see his dad, Neil joining him because they both miss the court, Andrew coming with because he goes where Neil goes. They stay with Abby to give Kevin and Wymack space. Aaron stays in Columbia.

“I know you. You’re going to end up losing track of time and spending hours on the court, and anyway, you want to go up to see Wymack. So you should spend your free time with him and not fawning over me.”

“But I like fawning over you.”

Aaron is not wrong. Kevin and Neil do spend a lot of hours on the court, but Kevin tries to take his advice and spend time with Wymack, too. He’s dug out a load of old photo albums for Kevin’s visit and they pass an evening on the couch looking through them together. There’s a lot of photos of Kayleigh Kevin has never seen before. His own memories are faded, and he only has access to whatever exists of her online. Wymack talks him through the photos, tells him stories about her, and it’s the closest he’s felt to his mom in well over a decade. 

Wymack lets him keep a photo of Kayleigh with a pudgy baby Kevin in her arms, squinting at the camera with a grumpy expression while Kayleigh smiles brightly.

“You haven’t changed much,” Wymack teases, and Kevin laughs, and it’s okay. They’re not there yet, but he thinks they’ll be okay. They’ll find their way.

“I’m seeing someone,” Kevin says, a little abrupt.

“Muldani. I know. She nearly tore half my apartment down when she came looking for you.”

“No. I broke it off with Thea a while ago.”

“Oh. Well. I don’t want to say I’m relieved, but-“

“No. I know. It was actually this person who made me reassess that relationship. Uh, I want to tell you. Since you’re- You know.” Kevin takes a breath. “It’s Aaron.”

Wymack looks at him evenly.

“Did you hear me?”

“Yes. Are you expecting me to react badly?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what I expect, I just wanted to tell you.”

“As long as you’re happy, son. Had to be a Minyard, though, huh?”

“Not a Minyard. Just Aaron.”

Wymack’s smile softens at that.

“Alright. He’s got a good head on his shoulders. Might help ground you.”

“He already does.”

*

I told Wymack about us

Already?

Yes. I told you I was going to do this right 

I’ll wait until Nicky gets back to tell him and Andrew. Spare me doing it twice.

Whenever you want

I miss you

It’s been one day

Got used to sleeping beside you 

You’ll see me soon enough

Sap

*

Andrew finds out before Nicky returns, due to Aaron and Kevin’s inability to keep their hands off of each other in their new relationship buzz. They don’t hear the door, and it’s only when Andrew clears his throat that they shift apart, but Aaron’s straddling Kevin’s lap so there’s only so far he can go without falling off the couch. 

Andrew doesn’t say much, but he sends Kevin a look that speaks violence. Neil has the audacity to fucking laugh.

“I hope this is the right one,” he says to Aaron, who Kevin can feel tense with rage.

“Neil,” Kevin says.

“I’m just saying.”

“Stop,” Andrew says, surprising them all. “Come on.”

“That went… surprisingly okay?” Kevin says when they’re gone. 

“Andrew’s probably saving it for therapy, since that’s the only time we have any actual conversations now.”

“Better than no conversations though, right?”

“I guess,” Aaron says, still glaring after Neil. Kevin leans up and kisses his neck until Aaron softens back into his arms.

*

Aaron tells Nicky the next day, so he doesn’t feel left out, and even though Kevin’s sitting halfway across the room, he can hear the excited squealing from the phone.

*

Andrew and Neil decide to go on another trip the week before Nicky is due back. 

“Don’t fuck on the couch,” Andrew says. Aaron flips him off. Neil raises his eyebrows at Kevin, but Kevin decides Aaron is flipping them off enough for both of them, so he just glares. The moment the front door closes, Kevin scoops Aaron up beneath the thighs. 

“So, we’re definitely going to fuck on the couch, right?”

“No! Andrew has sat here. Nicky has sat here. Josten has sat here.”

“I mean, maybe done even more here. Why was Andrew so quick to jump to that thought, hm?”

“Ugh. Shut up. I hope you know you killed any potential moment with that.”

“Hm. I know how to work it back up,” Kevin says, kissing up Aaron’s neck.

“Kevin, I will not fuck you on that couch.”

Kevin sighs. He shifts Aaron up a bit so he’s more firmly in his hold.

“Spoilsport,” he says, but he’s smiling as he carries Aaron up the stairs.

*

When Kevin comes through from brushing his teeth, wearing just a pair of sweats slung low on his hips, he’s surprised to find Aaron has changed from his pjs.

“Uh. Why are you wearing your uniform?” Kevin asks. “It’s a bit late to practice.”

It’s not the same as the court, but he and Neil have set up different areas in the back garden for makeshift drills, their way of getting some practice in over the summer. Without the court lights it’s too dark to get much done at this time of night, though.

“I’m obviously not intending to practice,” Aaron says, scowling. He steadfastly avoids their backyard training arena, though he has come out to play a few quick fire rounds of one on one against Kevin while Andrew and Neil are away. This has less to do with Aaron wanting to join in and more to do with him wanting Kevin to stop moping, though, so Kevin has no idea why he’s currently wearing his Foxes uniform. “It’s our one month anniversary.”

“Oh, shit. Isn’t that tomorrow?”

“It’s after midnight now.”

“I still don’t get-“

“As a treat,” Aaron says, cutting Kevin off. He looks down, his ears blushed dark. “I thought you might like… Ugh, this is stupid.”

“It’s not,” Kevin says, even though he’s still not quite sure what Aaron’s talking about. He crosses to him and cups Aaron’s cheek, tilting his head up. Aaron’s jaw is tense, but then his face relaxes. His lips part with a breathy little exhale, and he glances up at Kevin through his lashes. 

“That’s very forward of you, captain.”

“What?” Kevin says ineloquently.

“In the locker room. Anyone could walk in.”

It finally hits Kevin what Aaron is doing, and he feels his whole body flush warm.

“I don’t have my uniform,” he blurts out. Aaron huffs a laugh.

“Yeah, this is for your fantasy, dumbass. I don’t need you in your uniform. This is for you.”

“Really?”

“I’m not an actor, but it’s just a bit of fucking around, right?” Aaron’s blush has spread down to his cheeks now. He’s looking at Kevin’s chest rather than his eyes. Kevin’s stomach does a giddy twist. He takes Aaron’s wrist and guides his hand down to his sweats, presses Aaron’s palm to his hardening cock to reassure him that he definitely appreciates this idea. The corner of Aaron’s mouth tilts up into a smirk. He gives Kevin a light squeeze through his sweats.

“Let them,” Kevin says, walking them backwards until he has Aaron pressed back against the wall, caged between his arms. “I’ve had to wait while I watched you run and pant and sweat all game. I’m not waiting any longer.”

“I hate that this is kind of attractive,” Aaron says, and Kevin laughs as he leans down to kiss him. “It’s okay if you want to be a bit rougher. I’ll tap your shoulder if it’s too much.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“That’s what the tap is for.”

“Okay. Uhm, you too. Maybe pull my hair a bit, or scratch my back. Just, ah. Please don’t slap me.”

“Of course,” Aaron says, his eyes softening as he leans up and kisses Kevin sweetly. “I wouldn’t even think to do that.”

“Right, yeah, I just- Everything else is good. I like it when you start to get too far gone to talk and you just push or pull me where you want me.”

“I never want to force you.”

“You’re not! It's hot when you take control.”

“Okay. So, just tap me if you don’t like something, or tell me to stop, and I will.”

“I know. I trust you.” Kevin leans down and kisses Aaron again, hands sliding beneath his jersey to grip his hips. Aaron hums a pleased sound into his mouth. Kevin squats down and catches Aaron behind his thighs, hoisting him up, pinning him in place against the wall with his hips. Aaron makes a muffled sound of surprise, tugging lightly on Kevin’s hair. Kevin rolls his hips against him. 

“I haven’t even showered.”

“I. Don’t. Care.” Kevin emphasises each of his words with a rock of his hips against Aaron, mouthing at his throat. “Maybe I like you dirty.”

Now that everyone knows about them, Kevin has no qualms about leaving marks on Aaron’s neck. Especially since he found out that Aaron’s neck is a sensitive spot, and that he can be teased to squirming just from Kevin focusing attention on it. He sucks a bruise at the curve of Aaron’s throat, while Aaron whimpers and grinds against Kevin’s stomach. His nails scratch lines of pleasure-pain over Kevin’s shoulders. Aaron’s compulsive nail picking leaves them too short to draw blood, but they give a pleasant burn. Kevin hisses, then sucks even harder at Aaron’s neck. 

“You looked so good out there tonight,” Aaron says, a breathy note to his voice. Aaron doesn’t usually talk much during sex. Even when Kevin directly asks him what he wants, he gets flustered and embarrassed, preferring to speak with his body rather than his mouth. He could be reciting the fucking FitnessGram™️ Pacer Test introduction to Kevin right now and Kevin’s sure he’d still find it hot, just to hear Aaron’s voice all low and breathy like that. “Love watching you play. You’re so focused, so driven.”

Kevin knows Aaron is playing a part for him, but it’s so easy to imagine he’s actually talking about Kevin’s playing, and it gives him happy flutters in his chest. It also makes him grind harder against Aaron, so maybe all those snide comments about his ego have some standing.

“Yeah? When I’m not distracted by you.”

Aaron huffs a laugh. 

“You don’t get distracted on the court. You’re a fucking force of nature. Your speed, your accuracy, your strength. You’re holding me up like it’s nothing.”

“Aaron.”

“That’s me.” Aaron smirks. Kevin kisses him again, slick and filthy. He squeezes Aaron’s thighs, then eases him away from the wall. Aaron loops his arms around Kevin’s neck as Kevin carries him across the room and dumps him unceremoniously on the bed. He’s on top of Aaron in seconds, his hand sliding up his thigh, under the leg of his shorts. His thumb strokes Aaron’s cock through his boxer briefs.

“If you love the sight of me on the court so much, I should drag you out there and have you right in the centre.”

“And sully your precious court?”

“You would be more than worth it.”

“Would you like that, Kevin? The thought of being out in the open? Where so many people were just watching you? Where all your teammates just were?”

Kevin thinks he probably wouldn’t in practice, but the thought of it definitely makes his skin prick with heat. He moans, sucking another mark into Aaron’s neck. He takes his hand out of Aaron’s shorts and slides it under his jersey instead. He wants more skin, wants to touch Aaron all over, but he doesn’t want to take the uniform off yet either. 

“Every practice. Every time you have to play a game on that court. You’d know I took you apart right there on the floor.”

“Oh, you took me apart?”

“Mhm.”

“Because I’m not the one writhing under you right now.”

“I’m not writhing.”

“Yet,” Kevin says, before pressing his mouth to Aaron’s neck, thrumming his tongue over his pulse point in a quick rhythm. He simultaneously thumbs at Aaron’s nipple. Aaron whines. His body tenses, trying to stay still, but Kevin can feel the slight tremor that runs through him. His nails scratch more lines over Kevin’s shoulders. “Go ahead. Tell me how you’d take me apart.”

“Fuck you,” Aaron says, and then he suddenly jerks so hard that he throws Kevin off balance. Aaron is quick to push himself up, but Kevin recovers, starts to move back, and then they’re wrestling on the bed. It’s fun, and familiar, but underlaid with fresh tension as they both grapple to get on top. Aaron tickles Kevin’s ribs with one hand and Kevin recoils with a yell.

“That’s cheating!”

“I didn’t realise there were rules,” Aaron says, taking the opening to throw Kevin further off balance. Kevin reaches up to push him, but Aaron catches his wrists and leans forward with all his weight, pinning Kevin’s wrists to the bed on either side of his head. Heat pools in Kevin’s stomach. His cock pulses. Aaron asks, softer: “Is this okay?”

Kevin pushes back against Aaron’s grip, but it doesn’t move. If he fought, he could probably break free, but he knows all he has to do is say, and Aaron will let him go. It’s not like being forcefully held in the Nest. It’s not like handcuffs biting into his wrists, keeping him still as Riko tortures him. It’s Aaron’s hands; soft, a little calloused, fingers cooler than his palms. It’s Aaron taking control, letting Kevin have a break from the stress of having to think, of having to make decisions, of having to be responsible for himself. When Aaron holds him in place, it actually feels like a sense of freedom.

“Yeah,” Kevin says on an exhale. “I like this.”

“If I shift them to one hand, just pretend I’m strong enough to hold you in place.”

“Okay.” Kevin smiles.

“And if your left hand starts to have any discomfort, let me know.

“Okay,” Kevin repeats, feeling warm and cared for alongside the insistent pulse of his arousal. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” Aaron leans down to kiss him as he shifts both of Kevin’s wrists to one of his hands. His other hand comes to Kevin’s cheek, stroking a thumb along the slant of his cheekbone as Aaron licks into his mouth. His ass is shifting against Kevin’s cock where Aaron is straddling his hips, and he presses up against him in pulses, desperate for some kind of friction. “Now who is writhing beneath who?”

“I’m letting you be on top because my legs are tired from the game.”

Aaron laughs, scratching his nails down Kevin’s chest. Kevin hisses and arches up into the touch. Aaron balances out the slight ache by toying with one of his nipples, pinching it gently between his finger and thumb until Kevin is panting. 

“I’m going to think of this every time I see you in that uniform now.”

“Good.” The way Aaron says that, heavy with intention, makes Kevin’s stomach tense and tingle. 

Aaron teases him some more, biting and kissing down his neck, across his shoulders, along his collarbones. He keeps shifting attention between Kevin’s nipples until they’re both hard and tingling. He allows Kevin to grind against him for a while, but lifts his hips in intervals, leaving Kevin arching up, whining, eagerly seeking friction. By the time he lets go of Kevin’s wrists, Kevin is desperate to touch him.

He pulls Aaron down against him, kissing him deeply. His hands slide down Aaron’s body and grasp at his ass, pulling him against him, pressing their hips firmly together. Aaron pants against his mouth. Kevin rolls them so Aaron is on his back. He slots a leg between Aaron’s and props up on his elbow, palming him through his shorts. Aaron moans.

“What do you want?” Kevin asks, voice low and urgent.

“Just you,” Aaron says. “I want you, Kevin.”

Kevin doesn’t know if Aaron is purposefully quoting one of his favourite scenes, or if it’s a coincidence. Either way, his brain lights up with the reinforced connection of those words, and he’s hit with a fresh wave of arousal. Beneath that, there’s a softness. A swell of affection. That Aaron wants him, Kevin. Not Kevin Day, just Kevin. That he, Kevin, is enough. 

“You’ve got me.”

Aaron’s face shifts into a soft, affectionate smile. He gazes up at Kevin, his eyes a ring of sweet maple brown around his blown out pupils, and Kevin thinks I can’t believe I’m the one he looks at like that.  

“I’m gonna take your shorts off, but I want you to keep the jersey on. For now, anyway. Maybe sometime you can wear my jersey when we do this.”

“Would you like that? Seeing me in your clothes? In your number?”

“Fuck. Yes.”

“I wouldn’t even need to wear anything under your jersey. It would come right down to my thighs. I could just wear it by itself.”

“Can’t believe I didn’t bring it with me. I’m a fool,” Kevin laments. Aaron giggles against his temple as Kevin presses a few more kisses to his neck, then shifts back to abruptly pull Aaron’s shorts and underwear off. He catches Aaron’s calf and presses a kiss just above his knee, where the line of his sock ends. “I’m leaving the socks on, too.”

“Oh, so you’d just want me in knee highs and your jersey?” 

“Just the thought of that is turning me on,” Kevin admits. “You’re so hot.”

“Mmm.”

“No. Look at me. You are so. Fucking. Hot.” 

“Shut up.”

“Make me,” Kevin says. Aaron starts to lean up to kiss him when inspiration strikes. “Ride my face.”

“What?”

“God. Yes. Please. I want you to ride my face,” Kevin says. He helps guide Aaron to his knees, then lays down on the bed, propping his head on the pillows. “Put your other knee over my chest. Yeah, like that. You can use your hand in my hair to move me. If it gets too much, I’ll tap out on your thigh.”

“Are you sure about this, Kevin?”

“So sure. Fuck my face.”

“Promise you’ll stop me if it’s too much?”

“I will. I promise.”

“Okay.” Aaron tangles his fingers through Kevin’s hair and gives an experimental tug. Kevin moans. Aaron shifts forward on his knees, the tip of his cock bumping Kevin’s lower lip. Kevin gives it a few licks. Aaron takes hold of his cock and guides himself into Kevin’s mouth. Kevin hums encouragingly around him. Aaron starts with a few small, experimental movements. 

Kevin is a genius. He’s internally applauding himself. He has full access to stroke and squeeze Aaron’s thighs. He has a view of him hovering over him in his Foxes jersey. If he slides a hand under it and reaches up to play with Aaron’s nipples, he’s rewarded with a view of the soft swell of his tummy, abs flexing beneath the soft pouch of fat as he works his core to thrust against Kevin’s mouth. It feels like a wet dream made reality. His own cock is straining in his briefs, but he ignores it, focused on getting Aaron off. In being a tool for Aaron to use to reach his climax. 

Except he’s not, he never is, this is just a game and he knows Aaron doesn’t view him like that. Knows one sign of distress from Kevin and Aaron would stop. The fantasy is hot to him, but the absolute underlying trust in Aaron is what makes it possible. Kevin is safe, respected, supported, and therefore he can allow himself to give up control, ask to be used. He hums encouragement for Aaron to move more.

“You certain?”

Kevin nods as enthusiastically as he can around Aaron’s cock, and Aaron starts to move. He goes slow at first, steady, just gripping Kevin’s hair more than pulling. He’s letting Kevin adjust and get used to the sensation, and then he starts to go a bit faster. Kevin is drooling already. He can feel saliva building at the corner of his mouth, a bead running down his chin. He feels filthy, and slutty, but in a way that adds to his mounting arousal. 

He rubs his palms up and down the back of Aaron’s thighs, solid with muscle from being engaged to hold up his weight. He glides his palms up to squeeze Aaron’s ass, feeling how it clenches with his movements. He leaves one hand on Aaron’s ass and moves the other up under his shirt.

“God, you look so good like that, Kevin. You’re taking me so well. Good boy.”

Kevin is surprised by the volume of the moan that gets from him. Aaron is too, for he pauses for a moment, then draws his cock out of Kevin’s mouth.

“What was that in response to?”

“I don’t know. All of it? Uh, when you- When you said I was good, that surprised me.”

“You are good,” Aaron says, voice low and thick from arousal. “Look at you. You’re so good.” 

He uses his thumb to rub away the saliva from Kevin’s chin. Kevin tilts his head and catches Aaron’s thumb between his teeth, then sucks it into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks around it. Aaron watches him with hooded eyes.

“You want your mouth full again that badly?”

Kevin nods with another low moan.

“I’m getting close. Do you want me to pull out when-“

“No. Just keep going until you come. I’ll swallow it. And you can go harder.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re not. I swear. I am just incredibly turned on by you right now.”

Aaron laughs, a touch flustered. Kevin’s realised Aaron never knows how to take compliments about his appearance. He always tries to deflect them, seeming distrusting of that kind of praise. Kevin is determined to keep telling him. Maybe one day Aaron will believe him.

This time when he takes Aaron back in his mouth, the grip on his hair tightens to just the right side of painful. Aaron slows his thrusts down, but moves his hips more firmly, and Kevin has to focus on not gagging around them.

“There you are. So good for me. So good at this. Good boy, Kevin.”

Kevin doesn’t even bother to hide his moans. It’s not often they have an empty house, he might as well be loud, might as well show Aaron the effect he has on him. Either the vibrations or the sound of him moaning, or maybe both, seem to speed Aaron along. It’s not long before he’s leaning forward with his hand pressed to the wall to steady himself.

“I’m getting close, Kevin.”

Kevin reaches up under his shirt and toys with Aaron’s nipples as he keeps moaning around him. Aaron swears, soft and repeated, before the hand in Kevin’s hair tightens and his rhythm starts to get sloppy.

“Fuck. Kevin. Good boy, so good, so- Fuck.” Aaron’s head tips back, his body arching forward as he comes, and Kevin wishes he could see better. He thinks he’ll have to get Aaron to do this again without the jersey some time so Kevin can see him in full glory. He swallows around Aaron as he comes, then gently suckles around him until Aaron pulls away from him.

Aaron is trembling with the force of his orgasm, so Kevin shifts up from underneath him. He rests his back against the headboard and holds Aaron on his lap. He’s sticky with sweat now, his jersey clinging to him, so Kevin helps to peel it off. Aaron’s arms curl tight around his shoulders, face pressed to his neck. Kevin rubs his back up and down in long, comforting strokes.

“Holy fuck.”

“Good?”

“Do you even have to ask?” Aaron says. Kevin laughs. “This was meant to be for you.”

“I’m having a great time.”

“Just give me one sec, then I’ll get you.”

“Here.” Kevin leans across to grab Aaron’s water bottle. “Have a drink.”

Aaron takes a long drink, then encourages Kevin to drink some. When they kiss again, their lips are cold from the water. Kevin kisses Aaron until their mouths warm up again.

“I think you’re overdressed.”

“Pretty sure my underwear is soaked with precum.” Kevin flushes with the admission, but Aaron just bites his lip. He shifts off Kevin so he can get his sweats and briefs off. His cock is swollen and flushed dark. He feels oversensitive already, giving a weak whine when Aaron takes him in hand.

“Poor baby,” Aaron says, in a mocking voice of faux sympathy. “I’ve been neglecting you.”

“You have.”

“I’d better fix that. Get comfortable.”

Kevin does, shifting the pillows he had propped his head on further up the bed so he can lie against them. Aaron lies on his stomach between Kevin’s thighs, giving his cock a few slow strokes as he waits for him to get settled. 

“Do you want me any particular way, or-?”

“Honestly, I feel pretty fucking strung tight already, Aaron. Whatever you want to give me will get me there.”

“Okay.” Aaron kisses the tip of Kevin’s dick. He gives him a brief smile, before he sticks his tongue out and starts licking along the length of him. Kevin sighs, relieved at finally being touched. His body relaxes against the bed as Aaron laves over him with his tongue, and he moans softly when Aaron takes him in his mouth. 

One of Aaron’s hands finds Kevin’s as he’s blowing him, and he links their fingers together. Kevin forces his heavy eyes open to smile at Aaron, brushing his thumb over the back of his hand. Aaron’s eyes scrunch up in a returning smile, before he starts to bob his head.

Aaron’s a fast study. Kevin feels like he’s already developed very impressive blowjob skills. Paired with how long things have been building between them, how long Kevin has been hot and desperate for touch, it doesn’t take long for him to come. He moans Aaron’s name, working his fingers against Aaron’s skull in an encouraging petting motion as he falls apart. Aaron swallows him down neatly, then crawls up the bed to curl against Kevin’s side. He tugs the duvet up over them, and Kevin cuddles Aaron close to his chest.

“Happy one month,” Aaron says, the end of his sentence melting into a yawn. They share the rest of the water bottle between them. Aaron turns off the lamp, and they cuddle close.

“Happy one month indeed. That was way better than my porn parody,” Kevin says.

“Mmm, definitely. It’s fucked up how they just darkened a White actor for you. He didn’t even look like you.”

“Wait. You’ve seen it?”

Aaron falls silent.

“Aaron! When did you see it?”

“Well, I’m tired now.”

“Was it before we got together?”

“Good night.”

“Aaron, you can’t just say that and not elaborate!”

*

Kevin never thought he’d be sad about summer drawing to a close. He’s never had a holiday that actually felt like a holiday before. 

Erik had returned with Nicky for a few weeks, and Nicky had aggressively insisted they do stereotypical summer activities. They had a beach day, where Kevin and Neil used the sand to do training sprints, Aaron and Andrew burned spectacularly despite both the amount of sunscreen they had on and the fact they sat in the shade most of the time, and there were several fights over an incredibly aggressive game of volleyball. Nicky got a paddling pool and set up a slip n slide in the backyard, which Kevin had little interest in until he realised it would involve a lot of wet and shirtless Aaron Minyard. They’d had an unpleasant camping trip, a day at the lake, far too many outings to ice cream stores for Kevin’s liking, and on Erik’s last night, they built a big bonfire in the backyard and huddled around it. 

That was all fine, but mostly Kevin’s going to miss all the time he and Aaron have together. He knows it’s going to be harder when they go back to school. When they’re back to classes and practice and little chance to have time or space alone. He’s been going back to Palmetto every few weeks to train and spend a bit of time with Wymack, and Aaron has been up to have a very awkward dinner with them.

“It’s weird. I’ve already met him. I’ve already made a bad impression.”

“I think he thinks more highly of you than you think.”

“Say think again.”

“I don’t think so. Anyway, it’s awkward for me too. I knew him as a coach before I knew him as my dad, so. We’ll both be awkward about it.”

Kevin thinks it had only been awkward because they were all trying to act out their new roles instead of just being how they always were. After they’d eaten, he’d brought up drill plans for the next year, Wymack had made a comment about him never resting but listened anyway, and Aaron had rolled his eyes and refused to engage in exy talk while he was still officially on break. The tension had eased then and the rest of the evening had felt more normal. 

Between the Palmetto visits though, he’s largely spent most days with Aaron. Even when they’re with the others, they’re still in each other’s orbit. Even when Aaron’s been quiet and withdrawn, which has been more often the closer his trial date gets, he still lets Kevin come curl up with him in what has become their room. It’s stupid, but he has silent anxieties their relationship might not feel the same when they’re not together as often. He keeps thinking about the stretches of silence between him and Thea, the months without a scrap of communication, and he knows, he knows Aaron isn’t like that at all, and yet his mind still tangles itself in anxious thoughts. 

Aaron finishes packing the last of his bags for going back to school and drops it with the rest of their things by the door. He sighs as he stretches his back, hands reaching up towards the sky, his shirt riding up to show a slither of tummy.

“Come here,” Kevin says, sitting down the new romance novel Aaron gifted him for their return to school (“I know you’re starting to overthink, so here’s something to distract you”). Aaron crosses to the bed. Kevin swings his legs down and pulls Aaron between them, pushing his shirt up and pressing his face to his stomach. 

“Should I be concerned you’re harbouring a secret pregnancy kink?” Aaron asks, as Kevin dots kisses over his stomach.

“Nope. You just have a very cute tummy.”

“Ah, what every man wants to hear. Cute tummy.”

“Very soft and warm. Perfect pillow. Ten out of ten.” Kevin catches some skin between his teeth and tugs playfully. Aaron puts a hand to his head and pushes him back.

“Alright, stop.” He swings a leg over one of Kevin’s, and Kevin catches Aaron’s low back, hoisting him up as he closes his other leg over so Aaron ends up straddling his lap. He hugs Aaron’s waist and presses his face to Aaron’s shoulder. He flops back on the bed, taking Aaron with him, and Aaron laughs as they fall down. 

“Last night,” Kevin says, inching his hand up the back of Aaron’s shirt.

“Whatever shall we do?” Aaron asks, biting his lower lip as he smirks down at him. Kevin grins.

“I have some suggestions,” he says, before flipping them over and proceeding to show Aaron all his great ideas.

*

“Hey. Can I read you a quote from The Little Prince?” 

Kevin hums from where he’s half asleep against Aaron’s chest. Aaron’s been silent for so long Kevin thought he’d already fallen asleep. Aaron shifts to grab the book from his bedside table, holding it in front of them so Kevin can see as well. Aaron clears his throat.

“To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world.”

“Am I your fox?”

“It was you who suggested that when you gave me the book.”

“Is this your way of telling me you’ve tamed me?” Kevin looks up at Aaron with a sleepy smile, but Aaron doesn’t smile back. He doesn’t look at Kevin, either, staring at the page of the book. His expression is soft in the lamplight, but serious.

“It’s my way of telling you I love you,” he eventually says, voice quiet but clear. Aaron finally looks at him, wariness in his gaze, but also openness. He’s baring a raw and tender part of himself, and Kevin is so stunned that for a moment he forgets he’s expected to respond. Aaron swallows. He starts to turn his head away, but Kevin reaches up, cups his cheek.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Aaron says, a catch in his voice.

“I love you,” Kevin says, and Aaron’s expression brightens into a smile. He leans in and kisses Kevin firmly, then pulls away and punches him on the arm. 

“Did you really need to stall so long, you dramatic bitch? My heart was falling out my ass.”

“I was processing. No one’s ever told me they love me before. I mean- Not like this. My mom, and Jeremy says that all the time, but not in the same way. I just- Yeah. Then I realised no matter what I said it would never be as fucking smooth as the way you said it. I thought I was meant to be the sap?”

“Exactly. I was appealing to the sap in you.”

“No, you are absolutely a hopeless romantic, Aaron Minyard. You just hide it well.”

“Whatever,” Aaron says, rolling his eyes. Kevin pulls him closer and peppers his face in kisses until Aaron giggles beneath him.

*

i like my body when it is with your

body. It is so quite new a thing.

Muscles better and nerves more.

i like your body.  i like what it does,

i like its hows.  i like to feel the spine

of your body and its bones,and the trembling

-firm-smooth ness and which i will

again and again and again

kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,

i like, slowly stroking the,shocking fuzz

of your electric furr,and what-is-it comes

over parting flesh….And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

i like my body when it is with your body

- e.e. cummings