Archive of Our Own

Author: Sirius-Potter Fan
Email: [email protected]
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Summary: The worst case of blue balls in human history

Aphrodisiac

Lex Luthor was thinking of changing his name. He was contemplating telling Lana Lang she should do the same. He had thought about it carefully and it was the only explanation that made sense. Because he and Lana weren't related so it wasn't genetics. That left only one other option. Initials. Lex Luthor. Lana Lang. LL. It was the only thing besides Clark Kent and the Talon that they had in common.

Lex had considered Clark as the explanation (because ever since day one all roads had led to Clark), but that didn't make sense because all of Smallville had Clark Kent as their savior, but they weren't all statistically impossible magnets for meteor driven lunatics. As for the Talon, Lex freely admitted that the only reason he and Lana shared that connection was Clark.

Lex was brought back to himself by the sound of his phone ringing. He reached slowly over to the bedside table and lifted the receiver moving as little and as carefully as possible.

"Alexander Luthor speaking."

"Lex?" Oh God it was Clark. Of course it was Clark. Maybe he should become a eunuch? There had to be a knife around here somewhere. . .

"Lex!"

"Huh? Oh, hey Clark," Lex refocused on the phone, setting aside self-castration techniques to be considered later.

"Lex, you're not ok. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I'm fine Clark. Hey Clark?"

"Yes Lex?"

"Call me Alex please? Or maybe just Al? No, too plebian. Oh! Got it. Xander. Call me Xander. That's a powerful, sophisticated, commanding, sexy name right?"

"Lex-"

"Call me Xander. From now on I don't answer to Lex anymore."

"Ok, that's it. I'm coming over there. You're obviously not alright."

"I am Clark, I am. Can't a guy change his name?" Oh no. Shit. Clark could not come here. That would only make things worse. And really, if anything was worse than self-castration he didn't want to know about it.

"It isn't just the name change, although it seems a little sudden. You sound. . . odd."

"No, no. Really Clark. Xander Luthor is fine. He can take care of himself." Lex could tell he needed to end this call A.S.A.P. His voice had been sounding more and more strangled the longer he talked to Clark. The longer he listened to Clark. Jesus there had to be a letter opener or something around here.

"Why are you talking about yourself in the third person?"

"What? Listen Clark, there's really nothing wrong-"

"Damn it Lex, will you just shut up and let me come already?!"

Clark heard the sound of a loud bang and a half-strangled moan. Then there was more banging and Clark was certain that it was the sound of the phone being dropped on the floor. He had been so concerned about Lex after the latest meteor mutant fiasco that he didn't bother to wait until a decent hour to call.

Clark had been up for hours, but it was only 8 a.m. on a Saturday. Thinking back over the phone call Clark realized that maybe Lex didn't sound odd because he was suffering from some side effect or injury. The more he thought about it, the more he was sure that Lex was not alone. He sounded the way people do in movies when they're trying to talk on the phone to someone while being molested by their lover.

Lex was in bed with some woman. Probably some Victoria clone that Clark would have to save him from. Carefully ignoring the fact that his nausea stemmed from jealousy rather than anger Clark waited for Lex to pick up the phone again.

"Sorry Clark," Lex sounded out of breath. Whoever she was, Clark was looking forward to meeting her so he could "accidentally" light her on fire with his heat vision.

"No, that's perfectly alright Xander. I understand. Tell me something. Have you done a background check on her? Because you have a tendency to attract psychos and I'd like to have some idea of what I'm dealing with in case I have to rescue you." This explained so much. Lex had been trying to get rid of him last night. Not because he was hiding an injury. No. He was hiding some girl.

"What? On Felicia? Clark she was arrested. You were there."

"Not Felicia, L-Xander. Whoever it is you're fucking."

"Clark, I'm not fucking anyone. If I had a girlfriend, I'd have introduced her to you." Lex was feeling a whole lot confused and his brain was still fuzzy from coming so hard not five minutes ago. He was trying very hard to keep Clark from coming over here because it would be torture. He must've missed some important part of the conversation when he'd dropped the phone.

"Don't lie to me Lex. I can tell you're not alone. You dropped the phone. You sound all. . . You sound busy."

Fuck. Clark thought he'd been having sex while talking on the phone to him. "Clark, there's no one here. I'm not so rude I would have sex while I was on the phone with you." It wasn't really a lie. Technically masturbation is not sex. "Look, I know I sound. . . weird. I'm just still a little creeped out by my latest X-Files experience."

"Lex-"

"Clark, I'm fine. But if you want to come over and see for yourself then come."

"I'm on my way." Lex heard the dial tone and swore. He could pull this off. He could. He had about five minutes to get dressed and get down to his study before his dick was going to get hard for about the millionth time in the past eight hours.

If someone had told him yesterday that in less than 24 hours he would be setting a new world record for masturbation he would have laughed. Now he felt more like crying. He had masturbated while on the phone. With Clark. Without his permission. He felt like a dirty old man. But, he rationalized, between Felicia Chessler and the sound of Clark's voice practically begging Lex to let him come (and fuck the context) who could blame him?

All he had to do was convince Clark that he was fine. Then he could send him back to his parents and make some phone calls. Felicia Chessler was going to die in prison.

Lex settled gingerly in his desk chair. His whole body felt raw and he was incredibly aware of the feeling of his clothes on his skin. He was wearing loose sweatpants and an oversized long-sleeved t-shirt. He was starting to feel desperate and Clark hadn't even arrived yet. Fuck.

Before yesterday he had been sure that the regular head injuries were the worst part of living in Smallville. Now, he would welcome a concussion. He looked at the report on his desk that his personal assistant had put together without even waiting to be told. Felicia Chessler was a thirty year old, petite, blond widow. She made perfumes for a shop in Metropolis, but lived in Smallville because she liked the peace.

She was not a meteor mutant, but the meteors had held a fascination for her that Lex could understand very well. After years of watching the effects of the meteors on her neighbors she had decided to try harnessing their powers for herself. She created a meteor-enhanced perfume that she intended to market as an aphrodisiac.

Unfortunately, exposure to the meteor rocks must have fried her brain a little because she became convinced that Lex Luthor was her soul mate. She had had him kidnapped from the parking lot of the plant and brought to her home where she kept him tied to a chair intending to use the aphrodisiac perfume, which she called Love Spell, to cement their relationship.

Lex knew or at least suspected most of that already. What Felicia didn't know was that Lust Spell would have been a more appropriate name for her perfume. It didn't inspire any tender emotions in him, but it gave him the worst case of blue balls in human history.

After Clark had found and rescued him he had just wanted to get home and jerk off. He was sure that would take care of the problem. And it did. For about two minutes. He had ended up spending the night lying as still as possible on silk sheets with no pajamas and no covers. He couldn't stand even the feel of fabric on his skin. He lost count of how many times he had jerked off. He had dozed fitfully for twenty minutes at a time after every orgasm, but it hadn't gotten any better. His plan was to spend the day naked in bed praying for the perfume to wear off. He just had to get through Clark's visit first.

Clark sped through a shower after getting off the phone with Lex. He didn't want to show up at his best friend's house smelling like cow dung. He took a few minutes to slow down and jerk off while thinking about the way Lex had sounded on the phone. Like sex. Lately he had found it an almost necessary precaution to jerk off before seeing Lex. It made it easier to concentrate.

He hoped Lex hadn't realized why he was so angry at the idea of him having a girl there. In bed. If Lex knew that Clark wanted to take up permanent residence in that bed it would be the end of their friendship.

He ran to the Castle and let himself in with his security code. He headed up to the study where he was sure he'd find Lex.

"Hey Lex."

"Hey Clark." His voice sounded strained even to himself. Just looking at Clark had him close to coming.

The look on Lex's face was pained. Clark was really worried by that. Lex was usually very good at maintaining the mask. He didn't use it very often with Clark, but he'd never let Clark see him like this. "Lex, tell me what's wrong. Please. I can see it on your face. You're in pain."

"I'm fine Clark. Really."

"Damn it Lex! Stop. Tell me what's wrong so I can help you."

Lex snorted. "I don't think you want to help me with this."

"Yes I do Lex. Just tell me. Please?"

"Fine. Just remember, you asked for it." He paused for a moment trying to think of how to say this without freaking Clark out.

"You know how I told you that Felicia didn't spray me with her love potion perfume?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I lied. She did spray me. But it wasn't so much a love potion as a lust potion."

"So, what, you're in lust with Felicia? Gross." Clark made a face.

"No, I'm not in lust with Felicia. I'm just. . . in lust. In general."

Clark looked confused. "What do you mean exactly?"

"I mean, Clark, that I have the world's worst case of blue balls."

"Oh. Ouch." Clark turned red.

"Yes Clark. Ouch."

"Why didn't you tell me last night? Why lie?"

"I didn't think it was necessary. I thought I could handle it. And I tried. All night as it happens. All I got was a tired wrist, though. I'll just have to wait for it to wear off."

Clark swallowed hard. Lex had jerked off all night. Lex, naked in his bed, jerking off. Lex was probably hard right now. Oh God.

Lex smiled at the look on Clark's face. His eyes were huge and he looked decidedly uncomfortable. The empathy alone must be killing him.

"I'm sorry Clark, but I did warn you. If you're uncomfortable try not to think about it."

"I don't think I'm ever going to be able to stop. Lex, what are you going to do?"

"Well Clark, I suppose I'll just have to keep doing what I've been doing." Clark was looking more and more like his head was going to explode. Lex was trying very hard not to move at all so his head didn't explode.

"But what about your wrist?"

"Look, Clark, I don't mean to be rude, but could you leave? I really need to get out of these clothes. The stimulation is driving me nuts."

Clark's brain was short-circuiting. Lex was hard and wanted to get naked so he could jerk off. Clark's mouth decided to try and handle the situation on its own.

"Lex, I could. . . help you."

"How?"

"I could suck you off."

"What?!"

"Hey. What are friends for?"

"Clark, that is above and beyond the call of duty."

"Please Lex, you're my best friend. I can't stand to see you in pain like this."

"Oh God." Something flared in Lex's eyes before he closed them and bit his fist.

"I'll take that as a yes," and in a flash Clark was on his knees in front of Lex gently pulling down his sweatpants.

"Clark you-. Fuck." Lex swore as Clark bent down and swallowed him whole. At the feel of Clark's hot mouth around him he came without warning pouring down his throat and screaming his name.

Clark swallowed every drop, licked his lips, and grinned up at Lex. "You taste good."

"Oh God," he groaned covering his face with his hands. This was not how he had imagined having Clark's mouth on him. Pity sex. This was going to ruin everything. He took one look at Clark's concerned face and did something completely un-Luthor-like. He started to cry.

The sight of Lex's tears was too much for Clark. God, he had molested his best friend. He'd been sure that there had been desire in Lex's eyes before he'd closed them. Fuck, he'd ruined everything.

"Lex, I'm sorry. I thought-. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that. God. I'll go now. I-"

"Clark, what do you mean by 'taken advantage?'" Lex rubbed his eyes and forced himself to regain control.

"Lex you're. . . You can't. . . and I thought you wanted. . . I wanted to taste you so bad. Oh God I'm sorry. I just made things worse."

"Clark?"

"Yes?" he said miserably.

"Are you telling me that you wanted to suck me off?"

"Yes. I think about it all the time. Oh God, I have to go."

"Clark wait! You didn't take advantage of me. I think about you all the time. I spent all last night imagining that it was you touching me and not just me jerking off. God, on the phone this morning. The sound of your voice begging me to let you come. That's why I dropped the phone. I was so hard. I needed to come. I felt like a dirty old man."

"Leeexxx." Clark's knees buckled and he fell to the floor reaching down to squeeze his cock to keep from coming. Lex had come for him on the phone. Sounded like sex for him, not some girl.

"Fuck. Clark. That's. . ." Lex stood quickly and stripped off his shirt and kicked away the sweats. He held onto the wall to avoid having anything touch his skin. Even his hands felt extra sensitive, but he didn't think he could stand on his own.

"Lex. Please. Let me help you. Let me suck you off again. Or jerk you off. Or you could fuck me. We could just. . . do everything. All day. Until the perfume wears off. Oh God that's hot." Clark watched in fascination as Lex's cock twitched at each of his suggestions.

"Clark, are you sure? You don't have to-"

"Please Lex. I want-I need to touch you. God you're so beautiful."

"Clark," Lex moaned as suddenly Clark's mouth was on his cock again. Clark was fast. That was fucking hot. Clark was so turned on he wasn't hiding his abilities. That was even hotter. "Oh GOD Claaaark!!!!" He screamed as he came. Lex slid down the wall because his legs would no longer support him.

The sight of Lex naked, sweaty, and panting nearly undid Clark. He reached down and unzipped his jeans to relieve the unbearable pressure on his cock. Suddenly, Lex was grabbing his hand. "No, let me." Lex looked like a starving man about to devour his meal. He slowly pulled down Clark's jeans and boxers, freeing his cock to the cool air.

"Leexxx," he hissed. Then Lex was bending down and licking the head of his cock and Clark had to clench his fists to keep from grabbing Lex's head.

"Clark?" Lex was looking at him.

"Yeah?" he asked, trying to focus on something besides the sensation of Lex's mouth on his dick.

"In about ten seconds I'm going to swallow your cock and I want you to fuck my mouth, ok?"

"Lex Jesus. Yes!"

Lex grabbed his ass and slowly moved his mouth down over Clark's cock, sliding his tongue along the underside, and then he swallowed and Clark was in Lex's throat. For a moment Clark couldn't move and then Lex swallowed around him, reminding him without words and Clark couldn't think, he could only thrust faster and harder until he was shooting down Lex's throat and Lex was swallowing and swallowing and Clark was dying.

He collapsed beside Lex trying to catch his breath and then he turned his head and just looked at his beautiful, sexy, incredible best friend. "God, I love you," he said.

Lex looked surprised for a second before a grin spread over his face. "You know what this means don't you?"

"What?"

"Not only can I not have Felicia Chessler killed in prison, I think I have to send her a thank you note."

"We could go visit her, thank her in person," Clark suggested.

"I love you too Clark." Lex leaned over and kissed him and he could taste himself mixed with Lex and it was the best thing ever. He could feel that Lex was hard again and he thought that he wouldn't mind helping Lex with this particular side effect for the next few days if necessary.

"Lex?"

"Yes Clark?"

"Whatever happens, just don't buy her a truck."