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"It's nice of you to come out with me..." Tony said, tipping his head forward, and bending straight into his cup. He had asked the entire group, but they had all warily refused. Except for Thor, who understood that drinking could be therapeutic, and so long as he was there, likely felt he'd be looking out for Tony, rather then sending Tony off to fight himself alone. "I know it's not necessarily fun, drinking with me all the time, but I -"
"Nay, I find you good company."
Tony smiled wryly at that, mouth twitching into place. "Yeah, sure you do." He took another long drink from his seventh pint, and then cocked his head to the side until his neck cracked. Wincing, Tony sank lower into his chair. "I'm such good company that only one of you'd tag along. Even the Boy Scout couldn't fathom being dutiful at this point. Heh," Tony said, huffing out a short laugh around a taut grin. "Not sure whether my dad would be proud or disappointed."
Thor's thumbs brushed over his condensation-lined mug of beer, and he nodded, considering. He felt angry on Tony's behalf, but had learned long ago that such emotions toward the dead were as poison. So instead, he became a silent wall for Tony to lean upon.
After a minute or so of drinking, brows furrowing ever so slowly, he clarified, "In Steve. Not me. He was always disappointed in me. I'm not really sure what his deal with Steve was, really... Like, if he had the hots for the dude, fine. Understandable. Captain America is a fine piece of ass and all - that," Tony said, all while frowning more severely. Not that he thought of Steve as just a piece of ass, but - in any case... "No. It wasn't really his looks my dad would have been after. I guess. I don't know. Pretty shallow-seeming guy at times, but he had the highest expectations in the world. Cap musta met every damn one of 'em... Considering."
"Considering what?" Thor prompted, curious, but mostly just allowing Tony to vent. There were various types of medication. Alcohol was one of them, talking was another. Perhaps, he thought, if Tony could get both doses at once, he'd actually come to feel better - in time.
"Oh, just the way he talked about him. On and on and on." Tony had a bitter smile on his face, one that creased Thor's brow in concern. He recognized that look. So well that it began pulling at his chest, digging its bony fingers through his ribs, his lungs, threading passed veins, itching toward his heart. "Captain America: All the good of the world encapsulated - all the good of the world, dead. 'Or so they think, Tony!'" Tony's imitation of his father was childish, but sore-looking, pain etched across his face, even as he went back to nursing his pint, drinking, even after the amber liquid was long gone.
"You feel..." Thor began to ask, cautious.
"Second best? No. I feel last, Thor. I feel last, and I was the only one. How - how can a person manage that?" How, indeed, Thor wondered, his chest growing heavy, and stomach turning sour. "I'll tell you how: Have some golden god make their presence in your father's life, and you'll fall short, every god damned time. No matter how hard you try. No matter what you do."
Golden god. Thor's eyes widened, a barb-wired sparking catching through him as Tony's words slammed into him. "No," Thor said gravely. "No, Tony, you mustn't...!" he trailed off, looking frantic.
Even Tony, whose eyes had been slipping closed from the wear and tear of the alcohol in his system, was now peering at Thor worriedly. "What's it 's, Big Guy?" Tony asked, slurred, trying to make himself more alert, but nearly falling out of his chair when he tried to sit upright.
"I'm taking you home. We will settle this verily. You will see. No one sees you as last, any longer. Not even the man - especially not the man who put you out!"
Rising from the chair, Thor called out to the barman, "I will pay thee shortly, but for now we must go!" No one, many had learned, would argue with Thor, and therefore it was with a quick nod, that the barman dismissed their tab.
Walking around to hastily gather Tony up from the chair, Thor took hold of the empty cup, slamming it too harshly against the wood of the table top, and pulled Tony up, into his arms. With his nose smushed to Thor's broad, warm chest, Tony whined out a, "Hey... what's the big idea? What's - don't gotta force cuddles on a person, Thor! I get it, I'm pathetic, I'd give it to ya for free..." The sadder Tony sounded, the more Thor's muscles contracted around him. He was hoisting Tony up, to rest his head over his shoulder, holding Tony securely around his thighs. "Alright, alright..." Tony drunkenly soothed, patting Thor on the back. "Snuggles for you, you got it, pal." He burrowed his head into Thor's shoulder, a warm smile taking over his frustrated frown from before, not that Thor could see, to gain relief from it...
Booming in through the entrance, a flat hand flinging the door open to the common area of the tower, Thor called out, voice deep and thunderous, for Steve. "Steven! Your assistance is required!"
"Oh no," Steve muttered, before appearing from around the corner. "What happened? I thought you were gonna make sure he didn't drink too much!"
Frowning, Thor said, "That is not what I said. I agreed to go, to make certain that he had a good time, and returned home safely! I failed in one aspect. And now you must right it!"
"Me? But I -" Steve looked confused, but still followed Thor back into the elevator, and up to Tony's bedroom. "What do I have to do with it. I mean, he is safe, isn't he?" He rounded on Thor, in quick movements, lifting Tony's face gently, in his hands to check for injuries. Tony snorted himself awake, causing Steve even more confusion. "But he's fine, Thor... he was just sleeping."
"Nay! I know. I returned him home safely, Steven, do not think I would have failed in that regard! I mean only that he became sad as we spoke, and that I knew I could not be the one to help him feel better. You see, you are the reason he has such low self-worth! You, and his father... both." In a distant way, Thor realized that he was projecting his guilt onto Steve. He knew that Steve actually had very little to do with it himself, but... that was exactly why he and Tony needed to talk. Before Tony went mad with it and flew into a rage the likes of which his little brother had emulated before him!
"Why're you yelling...?" Tony complained, lifting himself from Thor's shoulder. "I thought we were snuggling."
"We were," Thor said, complacently, "But now you must speak with Steven and work out your differences lest there be severe trouble in the future. I have seen what it does to a man, to hold in such feelings for years and years, allowing it to compound, and I will not see to you reaching the levels of my brother, Loki! The amount of time, and effort with which it will take to heal him, I often fear is beyond my ability, and I shall live much longer than the two of you. You must fix this now!"
Steve frowned, sad, at Thor's urgency, lifting a gentle hand to his bicep, as Tony wrapped a hand, up into Thor's hair, still looking downright confused, but with the implicit need to dissuade Thor's fears. "Hey, it'll be okay, buddy..." Tony muttered, as Steve, looking grave, nodded in agreement.
"Thor," Steve said, gently, "Why don't we all sit down, and talk about this..."
After a long moment, breathing in deeply, Thor gave a firm nod, and then sat to the bed, before allowing Tony to roll off him, and to his side. Steve sat at his other hip, and then they all exhaled at once, preparing themselves in union for the walk through the maze.
"Tony, do you remember what you were saying to Thor, at the bar?" Steve asked, slowly.
"I..." Tony shook his head, blinking, even as he was leaning into Thor's side. Whatever it had been, he'd put the fear of god, so to speak, into Thor, and he felt badly for it...
"He spoke of his father."
Tony's eyes widened momentarily, and then he nodded. Well, that made sense. "Aw, man, don't worry Thor. I know I have problems with my dad, but I'll be okay!" Tony tried to reassure him, patting at the wrist the lay on Thor's thigh. Thor frowned, turning his eyes on him immediately.
"Nay, you will not be okay until you resolve your issues with the Captain!"
"But you said -"
"You spoke of your father... speaking about the Captain."
"Oh." Tony said, gruffly, feeling slightly more sober now.
"What about me?" Steve asked, brow creased.
Tony sighed, long-suffering, before saying, "My dad sort of rubbed it in my face how great you were, and it made me feel really shitty, that's all. It's really not that big of a deal."
Steve's heart clenched in his chest, and he leaned forward, over Thor, looking Tony in the eyes. "Hey," Steve said, serious, "Whatever your dad said, it doesn't matter. I was idealized, and whatever he said wasn't real. You can't be compared to something that isn't even real."
Tony barked out a laugh at that. "You're sweet, you are. But the sad thing is... he was right. About everything. You are real, Steve. And I'm nothing like you. But it's okay. Thor," Tony said, turning to Thor, as he patted gently at the opposing side of Thor's face, bristles to Tony's fingers, "It's alright. I'm not gonna go psycho and try to kill everyone. Especially not Steve. Or you, if you're tired of people stabbing you with things, already," Tony tried to joke, while also being sincere.
"You do not know that," Thor said sadly. "My brother, I assure you, never planned to feel such rage and animosity, either. It simply broke down his door, and engulfed him in one swallow. And I have seen him try to claw his way out from it, and it does not work."
Tony's throat bobbed, swallowing painfully on the near-cry that was Thor's voice. "I -" he began, before closing his mouth and shaking his head.
"Tony," Steve said, plaintively. He - would try to help Thor in a moment, but Tony's words were a pressing matter, too. Thor was right, in a way, even though Steve didn't expect Tony to start the apocalypse. Any time soon, anyway. Hopefully. It was still important. "You don't have to be like me. There are different kinds of good, and perfect, and right, and even if you think I'm one of them, it doesn't mean you aren't. Look at us! We're all different! Every single Avenger has their different strengths and weaknesses, but we still mean the world to each other. Your dad was wrong, if he made you believe any differently. You can drive me crazy, any day of the week, and still be the person I come looking for when I've had a bad day. If that doesn't say something about your dad's version of 'Captain America' then I don't know what does."
Blinking, Tony sank into the mattress further, turning from Thor's side.
"Tony," Thor asked, quietly.
"It's okay, I'm just -"
Despite the dimness of the room, the light from the hallway being the main source, they could both see the glint in Tony's eyes. "It is not shameful to cry," Thor told him, putting a tree-trunk sized arm fastly around Tony's waist. "I have done so many a time, truth be told."
"Thanks," Tony laughed out, somewhat sarcastically, tears wavering, still. "What the hell... I just wanted some beer," Tony muttered to himself.
"We tried to tell you not to go," Steve said, teasing, even as he reached out to grasp at Tony's hand. "I'm sorry I didn't go with you. It just... hurts. To see," Steve said, voice turning serious, instead.
Tony shook at Steve's grasp, playfully, before saying, "Yeah - I - I know. I just. I wish that it didn't. That I could drink like anybody else, and..."
"No, Tony... Again, you don't have to. That's not 'anybody' else. Everyone is different. It's okay. C'mon," Steve said, imploring Tony to look at him. When Tony finally did, turning his head in a jerky fashion, Steve said again, emphatically, "It's okay."
"You know I wouldn't hurt you, right?" Tony asked, the words just falling out of his mouth as he looked at Steve seriously. He was ashamed to have asked, but stared at Steve regardless. The answer was important to him.
Steve's face crumpled slightly, and even his eyes looked a little wetter than before. "Of course, I know that." Almost angry, that Tony even had to ask. His grip on Tony's hand tightened almost painfully.
"Good," Tony said, swallowing around the thick lump in his throat. "I'd rather die."
Thor's hand, on his hip, tightened at that, as well, and Tony had to grimace, letting out a smile. "Oh come on, Big Guy, I didn't mean I -"
"You won't," Thor said, with finality.
They all needed a minute, after that, just to breathe, before Tony mumbled, "I'm kind of in love with Steve anyhow, so this was totally pointless. If you think about it."
"What?" Steve asked, head jerking up. "You - Um."
"Oh god, he short-circuited. Oops."
"Steven?" Thor asked, timid, because he felt rather out of place, suddenly. He also wanted to mention that being in love, really didn't mean anything, as far as quelling his fears, but... Steve's response was likely a penultimate turn in their relationship. He would wait to make his point.
"I mean. Wow."
"That's not any better," Tony pointed out sullenly.
"No!" Steve argued. "I just - I thought we were... We're friends, and."
"Well, good. It's nice to have friends, I've heard."
Thor's chest rumbled at that, as he pushed Tony's face back into it, hand gentle on his face, and ear.
"Thor," Tony grumbled, "I'm fine."
"It's okay, Thor... I love - I mean, I like Tony, too. I don't know if love... I don't really know what 'love' is yet, but I'm not saying I don't love him - You. Tony."
"Given the situation," Tony started, mouth quirked at an awkward angle, "I can't really say I can take that as genuine, but it feels pretty nice to hear, anyway... I'll have to think about it more, later, when Thor's drum-heart isn't playing percussion in my ear."
"My apologies," Thor said quickly, relieving his hand from its position on Tony's head.
Tony, shaking it off, sat upright again. "It's okay. Your hugs are pretty solid, even if they are a little abrupt sometimes. Anyway, I'm kinda tired, and you two giants are taking up my bed... So how's about we resume this at 0900, well after we've all had our morning coffee?"
Thor agreed, standing to his feet, which tipped Steve and Tony both in toward each other. They awkwardly regained their balance, away from each other, as Thor turned away from the doorway to look at them. "You are both very important people to me. I will see this through, I promise you that."
"Thor?" Steve asked, hesitation in his voice. "I need a second, with Tony, alone... Thank you."
Thor nodded, even as Tony gave him a desperate, pleading look. Just this once, Thor was sure Tony would be in good hands, and left, closing the door part way behind him, before entering the elevator.
The only two remaining on the floor, Tony and Steve stared at the ground.
"I want to stay here with you," Steve said, finally.
Tony took in a sharp breath.
"I know you don't believe me," Steve said, folding in on himself, as much as he could with his feet still on the floor, a pained look on his face, "But I meant it... I like you. A lot, and... even though I'm sure you're angry at me, I really don't want to - I'd rather sleep here, by you. If you're okay with that."
Tony looked back, considering, at the two pillows at the head of his bed. Steve was already sitting beside one, after all. He'd just be rolling over into a slightly different position than he was already in. "Yeah," Tony sighed. "Okay, stay. But if you have to leave in the morning, or do anything else equally as awkward, you can. I'm not forcing you to do anything, understood? Despite Thor's frantic behavior, albeit from personal experience, I really am going to be okay. At least in that regard. You're not saving the world, or me, by being here."
"I know," Steve said, a quiet smile on his lips. "I just want to be."