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“Phil, do you have any idea what you’re doing?” Dan sighed.
“I would if you read me the instructions, c’mon. Pretty please?”
Dan put his hands up in joking surrender. “Alright, alright.”
The pair had bought the tree that morning, plastic as neither of them had the greatest track record keeping plants alive. The only problem was, the tree was made of what felt like hundreds of segments that had to be assembled.
*
“If we post a picture of this tree online I actually think we might get bullied off the internet. There is no coherent decorative scheme” Phil said, wrestling with tangled tinsel from their box of Christmas decorations that had been waiting in the back of a cupboard all year.
Dan tossed a bauble at him. “You take that back right now, you’re going to hurt his feelings.”
“You’re right, you’re right. Sorry, Mr Tree.” They continued rummaging through various coloured glittery objects as Phil sang along to the music they had playing in the background, from Dan's phone. He reached over Dan’s head to add another bauble to the already overcrowded tree.
“Phil! You’re getting glitter in my hair!” Dan laughed, shoving his arm. “Anyway, there’s like five baubles on that one branch, leave the poor thing alone.” Phil shook it, flicking little specks of glitter all over both of them, and grabbed something else from the box, an acorn.
“How is an acorn Christmassy?”
“I don’t know, Phil. Give it here.” Dan unceremoniously plonked it into a rare empty space in their tree. Phil elbowed him in the side, seizing another decoration.
*
Out of the box, Phil pulled out a large and very knotted string of beaded tinsel. “Can’t believe we haven’t used this yet!” he waved it about in front of Dan’s face.
“I think you might’ve just tangled it more. Anyway, how do you propose we untangle it, oh master of knotted decorations.” Phil scrunched up his face. Then his eyes widened and he turned to Dan with a dangerous smile. “Oh no.”
That’s how Dan ended up being mummified with beaded tinsel wrapped around his ribs. Phil swore it was the only reasonable way to untangle the tinsel but Dan didn’t buy it. Yet what could he do except hold the end of the tinsel while Phil ran around him to wrap Dan up? Not to mention, it was kind of funny to watch Phil circle him like a lost puppy.
“Give us a twirl, Dan.” Phil beamed excitedly. Dan covered his face, slowly turning around, glaring bloody murder at Phil through his fingers.
“I hate you, Philip Lester.” but the effect was lost by the fact it was muffled behind his hands. Because of this Phil didn’t free Dan from his glittery prison for way longer than necessary. Taking forever on purpose, of course.
*
“Dan…?” The man in question sighed.
“Yes?” Phil scooted closer, batting his eyelashes.
“Dan I’m thirsty.” Dan groaned and pushed him away, already knowing what's coming.
“Why don’t you go make yourself a drink then, Phil.” He glared from behind a shiny ribbon bow. Phil didn’t move. “Phil…” He continued to sit still, grin slowly growing. Dan stood up.
“Yes!” Phil whooped from his position next to the Christmas tree.
“I’m not doing this for you!” Dan called back as he walked to the kitchen, flipping Phil off behind his back.
A couple minutes later Dan came back, carrying two steaming mugs of hot chocolate piled high with mini marshmallows. Phil’s eyes all but sparkled. Dan poked his tongue out, passing Phil his cup. Phil practically snatched it out of Dan's hand, eagerly bringing it to his lips.
“Phil! That’s literally just been boiled, it is way too hot.” he poked Phil’s cheek. He pouted, then squinted suspiciously at Dan's mug.
“Dan…how many marshmallows do you have?” Dan, who was previously blowing on his drink, paused to look up at him incredulously.
“I don’t know, I didn't count them out. They’re mini marshmallows.” Phil turned his gaze to Dan.
“Yeah…but Dan…did you give yourself more than me?” Dan sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes,
“I literally just said I didn't count them, I literally don’t know.” Phil took a sip and made a face. “Burnt your tongue?” Dan grinned into his cup.
*
Phil came marching into the room with an overload of candles piled up in his arms. He dumped them on the table, turning to Dan with a hopeful smile. Dan rolled his eyes. “I still don't think I can trust you with a lighter.”
Phil picked up a candle with a flourish, brandishing the lighter towards Dan. “You’re not planning to light all of those candles…are you Phil?”
“Yeah, of course! All those yummy smells,” he said cheerfully, lighting the candle in his hand.
“All those ‘yummy smells’ will mix together to make a…not yummy smell, you know that right.” Dan shook his head with a smile.
Phil lit another candle with a shrug. “We can try.”
“Phil! We can not try!” Dan giggled, reaching out for the lighter. Phil pinched another candle as Dan scrabbled at his arms. “Put it down! Phil! Don’t you- Phil!”
*
The pair settled into the sofa with fresh hot chocolates (with an equal amount of marshmallows, as Phil insisted on counting), three scented candles (courtesy of Dan, who did manage to confiscate Phil’s lighter) and stuck on a sappy Hallmark Christmas film. It was routine for Dan to complain as much as possible when Phil chose, yet become the most invested in the plot.
It was only a couple of minutes in when they heard a jingle. Dan's head slowly turned towards the tree.
As it did, the star from the very top leaned forward. His eyebrows raised.
It fell suddenly to the floor with a crash.
“Phil!” Dan whined. Phil sunk into the sofa, hiding in his mug.
There was a loud creaking noise and the entire overdecorated, uncoordinated, inconsistent mess came crumbling to the floor, brightly coloured baubles and shining beads scattered across the floor like shattered glass.
“PHIL!”