Archive of Our Own

Seo Jun gets the text on a Tuesday in late November.  It's starting to get dark out earlier, and the air is cool, but not yet cold.  Seo Jun has just slipped on his favorite leather jacket over his hoodie when his phone alerts him to a message and he pulls it out of his back pocket to check the sender.

Im Ju Gyeong.

There's an instinctive thump, a skipped beat of his heart, when he sees the name.  It's been over two years since his confession, since he lost to Suho again , and even though he is over her- really, he is- the memories of her still make his heart beat a little faster.  They are friends now, good ones, and he wouldn't trade that for the world. 

He stares at the characters for a moment before thumbing open his phone to read the text. 

I broke up with Suho today, the message reads.  Can you check on him for me?

A thousand questions race through Seo Jun's mind, but most of them lead back to why ?  

Why did she break up with him?  On paper, Suho is the perfect man; he's sweet, charming, talented- and okay, he has some issues with jealousy and possessiveness- so maybe Seo Jun could see why that wouldn't work for some girls, but Ju Gyeong had seemed to love that side of Suho.

The other whys are 'why now' and 'why does Seo Jun have to be the one to deal with this'?

When Seo Jun's feelings for Ju Gyeong had cooled, Suho and he had rekindled their old friendship.  However, almost two years later, it still wasn’t as it had been in middle school and Seo Jun was just getting used to the fact that it never would be.  They were friends again, sure, but they weren’t as close as they had once been.

There may have still been some lingering resentment on Seo Jun’s part, for one.  He understood Suho’s side now, but every so often he was hit with the thought of why didn’t you answer your phone that day?  It was an unfair notion, Suho had no way of knowing what was going on, had the habit of not answering texts or calls for hours at a time.  He had no reason to suspect that anything was wrong with his friend.

They had been young, mistakes had been made, and it had cost them both a friend.  Seo Jun acknowledged that they both needed to grieve and the relationship between himself and Suho had begun to heal.

But, every so often, the idea that Suho was at fault still popped up.  He did his best to leave it buried, hidden behind a confident, easy-going attitude and carefree demeanor.  He distracted himself with others, and told himself he was fine.  Seo Jun told himself that having Ju Gyeong as a friend, and having Suho back in his life, was worth it.

It wasn't a lie, really.  He is fine.  The feelings he had for Ju Gyeong weren't ever possessive or jealous- they just were- simmering gently beneath the surface, never threatening to boil over.  It's a long-lasting type of love, he thinks, one that means to stay around forever instead of burning hotly like Suho's had for her.  A love that was meant to stay unrequited.

A love that was meant to be friendship.

He reads the text again, sighs to himself, and then picks up his helmet.  He'll stop at the convenience store on the way over for beer and soju, and there's a late night restaurant with good ramyun on the way to Suho's place.

Twenty minutes later, he's ringing the bell to Suho's fancy apartment that Seo Jun still couldn't afford, even with how famous he has become recently.  He leans on the button obnoxiously until the other man pulls open the door, glaring at the intruder.

His glare softens marginally when he sees it is Seo Jun, bearing gifts of beer and food. "I guess you already heard."  Suho steps back to let him in.

Seo Jun toes off his shoes, handing over the bag with food in it for Suho to set out.  "Ju Gyeong texted me," he admits.

"Of course she did."  And Suho sounds so fondly amused that Seo Jun wants to scream, wants to shout, why aren't you angry?!  Be more upset.  The girl you followed around like a stalker in high school just dumped you.

Instead, he puts some of the beer away in the fridge, along with the two bottles of soju, and turns to watch as Suho sets out their dinner, setting a place for Seo Jun and himself at the island countertop like he has hundreds of times before.

They eat in silence, slurping noodles and sipping beer until Seo Jun can't hold himself back anymore.  "I thought you'd be the more dramatic type." 

Suho pauses mid-drink to stare at him.  Seo Jun shifts uncomfortably under his gaze, before babbling, "you know, you practically tore my arm off for daring to touch Ju Gyeong, and I thought for sure you'd dig my eyes out with a rusty spoon whenever I looked at her."  He drops his chopsticks into his nearly empty bowl and uses his newly-freed hand to gesture at Suho.  "But, you're surprisingly calm right now."

The other man tilts his head back further, draining the can, and Seo Jun is distracted by the way the muscles in Suho's throat work as he swallows.  Suho sets the empty can down with a dull clink, and Seo Jun forces himself to blink, picking his chopsticks back up.  Suho continues to stare at the shiny label of the can, and he is quiet for so long that Seo Jun is thinking he should change the subject when the other man finally opens his mouth.

"She found someone else."

Seo Jun stares at him, stunned.  "What?"  And then, “that possibility didn’t matter to you before.”

He might still be a bit bitter about that; how easily Suho had dismissed his feelings all those years ago.

“I was a kid then,” Suho sighs.  "I need more alcohol for this."  He gets up from the counter, retrieves two shot glasses and one of the bottles of soju Seo Jun had brought and pours a glass.  Seo Jun pours another and they salute before knocking them back.

After two more glasses each, Suho says, "she came to see me today.  We were supposed to look at engagement rings."  He's not looking at Seo Jun,  instead watching the glass as he twirls it around with his fingers.

"That's…" Seo Jun struggles to find something to say.  "Fucked up," he finally settles on.

Suho snorts.  "Yeah."  They each take another shot, letting the silence stretch out between them.  "She apologized.  Said it wasn't my fault."

"Is that supposed to make it better?"  

"Probably."  This time, Suho laughs, but it's entirely mirthless.  His voice sounds hollow, dead, and Seo Jun is starting to wonder if he shouldn't have grabbed two bottles of soju after all, if Suho already sounds this broken after only half of one.  "But, no, it doesn't."

Suho sounds tired, defeated, but not surprised, and Seo Jun wonders how much he has missed from behind the scenes, if maybe Suho had seen this coming from miles away but had clung on anyway, determined to see it through to the bitter end.

It would be just like him to do something like that.  Suho had never been good at letting go of the people he cared about, even if they no longer wanted anything to do with him.  Seo Jun knew that one from personal experience; a regret he would carry with him for the rest of his life.

Sighing, Seo Jun retrieves the second bottle of soju.  He had only brought the two, figuring it would be a good idea to limit the amount they could drink at one time.  He could always run to the corner store for more, if needed.

He pours them each another glass, waving away etiquette as they are both well on their way to being too drunk to remember it.

As the second bottle empties, the rest of the story comes out.

Ju Gyeong had sat him down on the couch, her nervousness betrayed by the restless twitching of her fingers, curling and uncurling them in the fabric of her long sweater.  At first, Suho had just thought she was nervous about the engagement, and had prepared himself to reassure her that he loved her, would never stop loving her.

"I've loved her for so long I don't even know how to stop," Suho says mournfully and Seo Jun's heart twists for him.

She met him at one of her jobs, she said.  He was a lighting tech on a photoshoot.  It was nothing, at first.  He said he liked her makeup style, the way she considered the lighting when applying highlighter and eyeshadow.  She liked how easy he was to talk to about everything, how willing he was to share his opinions and advice.  She liked how easily he took in criticism and other viewpoints and considered them carefully, no matter how big or small they seemed.

They had lunch together, exchanged numbers, and every once-in-a-while commiserated with each other on having to work with pretentious celebrities.  He knew she had a boyfriend, he didn't try to be anything more, and they kept being friends.

When they worked on the same set, they would have a meal together, sometimes with others, sometimes it was just them.  At one point, in true Ju Gyeong fashion, there was an incident that left her with her makeup a mess, and he saw her and didn't laugh.  He didn't act surprised or disgusted or any of the other emotions others had at seeing her bare face.  He helped her get cleaned up, asked her if there was anything he could do for her.

"But I was the same way!"  Suho interrupted his own story.  "I knew who she was right away.  To me, she doesn't look any different with or without makeup."  He takes a sip from his glass.  "Doesn't that mean anything to her?"

So did I, thinks Seo Jun.  I recognized her, too, and it didn't matter to her then either.  The only thing that mattered to her was you.

He doesn't say that though.  Instead he pats Suho's shoulder.  At some point, they had relocated to the sofa, the same one Ju Gyeong had broken up with Suho on.  "I'm sure it does."

It became clear to her then that she was falling in love.  It wasn't that Suho was lacking in any one thing, she had assured him.  It was herself who was the one that was wanting.  She kept comparing herself to Suho, to other women, wondering what he saw in her, what others thought of them together.  Ju Gyeong had tried to keep the thoughts at bay, she really had, and she knew Suho loved her.

She also knew she was doing his love a disservice by questioning it from the viewpoint of others.  It was hard, she told him, to accept that his love was unconditional and that she was enough for him just as she is.

"That's actually kind of deep," Seo Jun comments.  Suho glares at him, but continues the story, though there isn't much left to it.

In contrast, Yi Bin made her feel normal, like she could proudly stand at his side and not hide who she really is inside.  She said all this through tears, knuckles white from how tightly her fists were clenched.

"I'm really sorry," she said at the end.  "I love you, but I don't think I can be in love with you anymore."

"Whatever the fuck that means," Suho mutters, collapsing back on the couch, second bottle of soju now empty.

Seo Jun, staring out into the middle distance, barely notices.  "Yeah."

Not long after that, Suho passes out and Seo Jun has to haul him bodily to his bed.  "Fuck," he huffs as he drops the other man onto the mattess.  "I think you weigh more than you did when we were in high school."

He tugs the cover out from under Suho, flings it haphazardly over the other man, and decides to call it a job well done.  As he gets up to leave, however, a hot hand tightly wraps itself around his wrist, stopping him.

"Don't go," Suho mutters into his pillow.

Seo Jun knows Suho isn’t talking to him.  He knows it's Ju Gyeong that Suho is yearning for, but Seo Jun is a little drunk too, and it makes him weak.  Too weak to resist whatever unnamed feeling it is that sits in the pit of his stomach, urging him to curl up next to Suho and soak in his warmth.

"Okay," he whispers, patting the hand holding him in place.  Tomorrow, he thinks blearily, he’ll go back to being the good best friend he knows Suho sees him as.  Right now, however, he gives into the base urge that has been with him for as long as he can remember.

Fingers loosen enough for him to ease out of the grip and he shuffles his way over to the other side of the bed.  Hesitantly, he lays down, pulling the cover over himself, his back to Suho.  He closes his eyes and wills himself to sleep.

At some point during the night, he wakes up hot and heavy.  He tries to push the warmth away, but the mass is solid, immovable.  It takes another moment for him to realize that the thing holding him down is Suho, wrapped around him like some overly affectionate squid.  He tries to wriggle out of the grip, but he's tired and comfortable, so he pats Suho's arm instead, and before he knows it, he's asleep again.

The next morning Seo Jun wakes up alone.  He can hear the clack of dishes from the direction of the kitchen and thinks Suho must be making breakfast.  Vaguely, he recalls waking up in the middle of the night, Suho clinging to him, but he's not sure now if that was real or just a dream.

When he finally makes his way into the kitchen, he finds his assumption correct- Suho is making breakfast, and it looks to be enough for two.

"Sleep well?"

Seo Jun tenses, wondering if Suho means anything more by it, if the dream hadn't been a dream after all and what it means that maybe Seo Jun wouldn't have minded.  "Uh, yeah.  Thanks."

"Mm.  Good," he says, and smiles.

And that's...not exactly normal Suho behavior.  At least, not the Suho that is post-Se Yeon, post high school, and post second looking-more-permanent-than-the-first break-up with Ju Gyeong.  It creeps Seo Jun out a little even as something warm tingles inside and leaves Seo Jun to wonder if he's developed acid reflux after all the beer and salty broth from the night before.  Deciding it's better to just ignore the abnormal behavior, Seo Jun sits at the counter and waits for Suho to finish making them breakfast.

No further comment is made about them sharing a bed, or Suho possibly having clung to him in the night, and Seo Jun feels secure enough to chalk it up to a strange dream.  The bed sharing could be easily excused with the amount of alcohol both of them had consumed the night before, and Seo Jun's habit of inviting himself into places as he pleased, prioritizing his own comfort over all else.  And the thrill he got from potentially inconveniencing Suho was its own reward.

Seo Jun leaves after breakfast, glad that he has the day off to recover- not just from the alcohol, but also from the confusing mire his thoughts had become after that night.  Something roiled and tingled at the back of his head, vague feelings of satisfaction that Suho and Ju Gyeong weren't together anymore warred with the desire to be a good friend to both.

He makes an effort to meet up with Suho more often after that, partially in an effort to take Suho's mind off of the break-up and partially because now Seo Jun has an excuse to see his friend and not feel like a third wheel.

There is one time when Seo Jun comes over late after practice that Suho is already drunk.  He clings to Seo Jun tightly, and Seo Jun can feel the collar of his shirt become damp.

"Everyone leaves me," Suho moans wetly into Seo Jun's shoulder.

"I didn't leave you," Seo Jun protests, patting a broad shoulder awkwardly.

"Yes, you did."  And Seo Jun winces because, yeah, he kind of did.  "But you came back," Suho continues with a dull kind of brilliance, the shine of silver from underneath years of grime. 

Warmth suffuses Seo Jun's chest at the affectionate tone in Suho's voice.  "See?  Just because someone goes away doesn't mean they can't come back."

"Yeah."

Bracing both hands on the other's shoulders, Seo Jun pushes Suho off of him, wanting to get a look at his face.  The other man looks more miserable than usual.  "Did something happen today?"

Suho avoids his gaze, and Seo Jun gives him a little shake.  "Suho?"

"I called Ju Gyeong today."

Seo Jun's stomach drops.  "H-how did it go?"  He tries to stay calm, be steady.  It's not like he didn't know that Suho still misses Ju Gyeong, and still wants to be with her, but it makes something ache inside him to hear it.

"Good."  Seo Jun stares at him, because this is not the reaction of a man who had a pleasant conversation with his ex.

Suho sighs.  "It was awful."  He pulls away and heads back to the kitchen where there already sits a glass and empty soju bottle.  Suho pulls another bottle from somewhere, grabs a second glass, and pours for both of them.  "I don't know what I expected.  I thought I was ready."

Seo Jun takes a seat and throws the shot back, then proceeds to do another.  He has a feeling he'll need to be drunk for the rest of this conversation as well.  “It’s only been a month.”

"Hearing her voice again… I wanted to run over to her.  I wanted to hold her in my arms again."

Yup, Seo Jun definitely needs to be drunk for this.  Shots three and four go down quickly.  Thankfully, Suho is too preoccupied with his own misery to wonder why Seo Jun is drinking so fast.  Seo Jun isn't sure he'd be able to answer even if he was asked anyway.

"I know I said this before, but I'm surprised you didn't stalk her into getting back together with you."  Seo Jun aims to be light-hearted, but thinks he might miss it a bit from the look Suho gives him.  "It worked the first time.  And you nearly tore apart anyone else that came near her.  Yours truly most especially."

And yeah, Seo Jun might still be a little bitter about that as well, even if he is sure now that he and Ju Gyeong would have never worked out, even after becoming friends with Suho again for years and spending more time with each in the past month than they had in the whole previous year before.  Suho had worked so hard to make Ju Gyeong his.

Where was that effort when I needed it?   Not that he wanted Suho to court him or anything, but if his friend had tried harder to reach out to him perhaps they wouldn’t have fought so much in high school.  Instead, Suho had secretly found his mother a donor, paid most of her fees, and let Seo Joon hate him.

"Because I knew you weren't serious about her."

Well, that was rather presumptuous of him.  "Oh, fuck you.  I was."

Suho shakes his head.  "No.  No, you're too dumb when it comes to love.”

“Hey!”  Seo Joon is starting to think Suho is looking to get punched.

The other man barrels on.  There's something heated in his gaze as he locks eyes with Seo Jun.  "I know what it looks like when you love someone- really love someone, Seo Jun.  That wasn't it."

"W-what?"  Seo Jun can feel the alcohol starting to affect him.  He feels too warm, flushed from his ears to his chest.  From the looks of him, Suho is even further along.

He watches as Suho stumbles around the counter, gaze intense as it never leaves Seo Jun's face.  Suho doesn't stop until he is right in Seo Jun's space, thighs pressed to bent knees.

"I know," he whispers before leaning in.

Seo Jun freezes as wet lips touch his.  Suho's breath is hot from where it escapes from between parted lips, the pressure against him firm, yet gentle.  For a long moment, they stay frozen that way, then Seo Jun moans and tilts his head, slotting their lips together.  He isn't sure why Suho kissed him, or what Suho thinks he knows, all Seo Jun knows is that it feels good and he has drunk enough soju that he gives in easily to the soft pressure of lips against his.

Even when he hated him, he never stopped caring for Suho.  This moment feels like a culmination of that, though Seo Jun isn't sure how or why, just that it does.

Suho presses in closer, between Seo Jun's thighs, and Seo Jun can't think of any reason not to let him.

Somehow, they make it to Suho's bedroom, shedding clothes along the way.  Seo Jun is dizzy from the speed they move at, lost in the wet heat of Suho's mouth and hands on him, roaming over each piece of naked skin that is revealed.  

Moments flash by, one right after another.  Suho trips him onto his back on the bed.  A hot mouth over one of his nipples, sucking hungrily.  A hand rubbing firmly over the front of his pants.

They all flit by faster than Seo Jun can keep track of until he realizes with sudden clarity that he's naked and Suho is sucking a bruise into his hip.

"Wait," he pants.  "I have a photoshoot tomorrow.  No marks."

That isn’t what I should be saying, he thinks with a brief moment of clarity.  The thought leaves him in the next second, lost to the haze of alcohol and desire and Suho’s mouth moving to something else entirely.

Suho pulls off with a loud pop and crawls back up Seo Jun's body to claim his mouth once again, pushing his tongue against Seo Jun's lips until he is let in.  Seo Jun groans, wonders how someone with so little experience can kiss so well, and then it's all swept away by a hand on his dick.  The movements are uncoordinated, but the hand is hot and wet- and Suho's - so it doesn't take long before he's coming all over his stomach.

He's panting, spent, eyes closed and he can feel sweat gliding down his temples and pooling in the hollow of his throat.

"Fuck, that's hot," a rough voice says above him.

Seo Jun's eyes pop open to the sight of Suho kneeling above him, pants and underwear shoved half way down his thighs, working a hand over his own erection.  He watches in disbelief as Suho tugs himself off, eyes never leaving Seo Jun, flicking from his chest, to his mouth, to the mess streaked across his belly.  When Suho comes, his eyes are focused on Seo Jun, never leaving him as he adds to the streaks all over Seo Jun’s stomach.

Finally, Suho collapses to his side, though still half on top of Seo Jun.  He buries his face into Seo Jun's neck, sniffing noisily.  "Don't leave me again," he mutters into sweat-soaked hair.

A lump forms in Seo Jun's throat and he tries to swallow past it.  He reaches a hand up, threads his fingers through thick hair, and promises.  "I won't." 

Suho's deep breathing is his only reply.

The next morning, Seo Jun wakes up early.  He disentangles himself from the body next to him, makes use of Suho's fancy shower, and slips back into his clothes from the night before.  By the time he is ready to leave, Suho is still asleep in his bed, covers pulled tight around him.  Seo Jun thinks about waking him to let him know he's leaving, but chickens out at the last moment.

He's not ready to face the awkwardness of the morning after.  Seo Jun doesn't want to face the possibility of a friendship ruined by too much soju and not enough sense.

Instead, he leaves without waking Suho, shutting the door quietly behind him.  Seo Jun still needs to go home and change his clothes before his shoot today.

And, he can admit to himself, he doesn’t know if he could keep himself together, if Suho told him to his face that he hated him because of what had happened.  As far as Seo Jun knows, Suho has only ever been interested in women, and more specifically, only Im Ju Gyeong.  He has no idea how Suho will react in the morning, after the haze has cleared and the realization of what had happened the night before descends over him.

Sometime in the late afternoon, he gets a message from Suho.

Where did you go?

He texts back almost immediately.  I have a photoshoot today, remember?  We just went on break.

Oh.  Right.

Seo Jun frowns, because it almost sounds like Suho doesn't believe him, and doesn't pause to wonder why that bothers him.  He holds his phone up, angling it so part of the set can be seen behind him, and sends the photo to Suho.

A few minutes later, he gets a reply.  Do you want to come over again tonight?

Seo Jun doesn't even remember typing back his response.  Yes.

If Suho is willing to continue to be friends, to act like nothing happened, then Seo Jun is willing to pretend right along with him.

They have sex again.  Neither of them are nearly as drunk as the first time, so Seo Jun isn't quite sure how it happens, what excuse there is to justify it.  They'd been playing video games on the couch, Seo Jun sitting much too close and jostling the other man's arm to try and sabotage him, when Suho leans over and kisses him.

His character crashes in a fiery blaze of glory, but Seo Jun is too distracted to notice.

Seo Jun is too weak to resist this time as well.  He's not exactly sure why that is.  All he knows is that Suho's kisses feel good, better than any he has ever had, and if it makes Suho feel better, then Seo Jun isn't opposed to it.

It happens a third time.  Then a fourth. And then Seo Jun stops keeping track.  They never talk about it, but most days that Suho invites him over end with them in bed together.  It's strange, Seo Jun thinks, how comfortable he is with it.

Perhaps even stranger is that they still hang out like normal as well.  Sometimes, Seo Jun goes straight over to Suho's apartment after practice.  Other times, they both have the day off and go to see a movie or clothes shopping.  They even have dinner out a few times and Suho insists on paying even though Seo Jun protests that he's not that strapped for cash anymore.  His band is doing well and his mother's medical fees have been paid off since the year before, he can afford a few meals out, even if the places Suho chooses are kind of fancy sometimes. 

They settle into a routine, more or less.  They hang out like old friends, and sometimes- most of the time- they have sex, which is less a friend thing, but Seo Jun has heard of the term friends with benefits before and he thinks that is probably the closest description to what they are now.  It's a rather nice and comfortable arrangement, he thinks.  Suho has certainly seemed happier since they began adding the much more physical component to their relationship.

The strangest thing to happen between them, however, is that Suho starts kissing him at odd times like when Seo Jun is about to leave in the morning, or when Suho gets up from the couch to get a glass of water.  Seo Jun isn't exactly sure when it started, but it's harmless enough he thinks, so he lets Suho keep doing it.  There's a small part of him that actually thinks it's kind of nice, even if he isn't sure what to make of it.

Sometimes, Suho will be busy and Seo Jun isn't,or vice versa, so they don't meet.  For the longest time, that meant Seo Jun dressing in his tightest pants and see-through shirt, and hitting up one of the busiest clubs in Seoul and maybe going home with someone at the end of the night.  Now, Seo Jun still likes to dress up, dance, and have a good time, but he's less inclined to leave with someone else.

Months go by this way.  Slowly, Suho let's Ju Gyeong go.  At least, Seo Jun thinks he does.  They still talk, Seo Jun knows.  Hell, Seo Jun still talked to Ju Gyeong even right after the break-up, at the insistence of Suho who didn’t want their personal issues to ruin any friendships the other had.  Still, it had been awkward, seeing Ju Gyeong those first few times.  

But, they soldier on and eventually it becomes less painful for Suho to talk about Ju Gyeong, then less painful to talk to her.  Until, finally, Ju Gyeong asks Suho if he’d like to meet up and chat, her new boyfriend in attendance as well.  Suho agrees, leaving Seo Jun at loose ends for the night.

Recently, it's been a long streak of Suho-less days.  Suho has finals or something coming up- Seo Jun doesn't really pay attention to school terms anymore- and Seo Jun’s schedule has been hectic as he and the band prepare for a mini-concert.  And now Suho is going out to meet with Ju Gyeong without him and Seo Jun finds himself restless for some reason.

Bored and with no plans for the night, he decides to dress-up and go out.  Normally, he would have just let himself into Suho's apartment- the other man having given him the code for the door months ago- maybe played a game on one of his multiple consoles, but a certain restlessness had stirred within him and he doesn't think he could sit still long enough for a game.  He hasn't seen Suho in almost a week, beyond waking up to him coming home late and Suho murmuring for him to go back to sleep, and he's feeling a little pent-up.  

It's amazing just how used to regular sex he has gotten, Seo Jun reflects as he fastens a bracelet around his wrist and settles a necklace into place.  Even more amazing, he can't remember the last time he has slept with anyone that wasn't Suho.  It has to have been months now, he thinks.

Perhaps tonight he'll find someone then.  His stomach cramps a bit as the thought flashes by, but he ignores it.  He and Suho have never said the words 'boyfriend' nor ‘monogamy’ to each other and he is fairly certain neither of them are currently looking for anything like that.

Seo Jun is grinding his body back against another, twisting his hips to the beat of the music.  Suho had told him he wasn’t available that night, stating that Ju Gyeong wanted to hang out again, have Suho get to know her new fiancé better and meet another friend of theirs.  Seo Jun knew what that really meant and his stomach had twisted at how easily Suho had agreed to meet.

A double date, Seo Jun is sure.  Ju Gyeong's misguided attempt to help Suho move on from her while not really helping at all.  Still, Seo Jun is anxious, but he can’t pinpoint why.  In the end, he had decided to try and settle the restless feeling inside of him by going out.

He shakes his head, takes a long sip from the cup in his hand, and tries once again to lose himself in the music.  The man behind him isn't too bad, able to keep the rhythm at least, and Seo Jun contentedly leans his head back on a hard shoulder. 

Only to be roughly pulled out of the man's grasp a second later.  "What the fu-?"  He doesn't finish the question.  Standing in front of him is Suho.  In a nightclub.  The last place Seo Jun had ever expected the uptight man to enter.  

"What the hell are you doing here?"  Suho demands. 

"Me?  What about you?"  Seo Jun is baffled.  Suho seems upset, beyond what Seo Jun had expected from his friend at simply hanging out in a club.  "This doesn't really seem like your kind of place."

"Ju Gyeong wanted to come here."  Seo Jun feels his heart plummet and he doesn’t know why.  He has asked Suho to come with him multiple times- long before he became so famous that being recognized was a concern- but the other man had always rejected the offer.

But, he came with Ju Gyeong.  His stomach twists and roils again, and vaguely he thinks it’s been doing that quite a bit lately.

He tries to shake off the hand holding him, but Suho's grip is like an iron band around his wrist, tight and unyielding.  "Can you please let me go?"

"Hey, baby, is this guy bothering you?"  The man from earlier wraps an arm around his waist, hand resting low on Seo Jun's hip.

Seo Jun tamps down on his annoyance at being called 'baby' by a veritable stranger, and turns to offer a tight smile to the other man.  Before he can get more than a few inches around however, the hand tugs at him again, pulling him off balance.  "He's not your baby," Suho practically growls, pushing Seo Jun behind him.

"Whoa!"  The guy holds his hands up.  "I’m just concerned.  He doesn’t exactly look happy to see you."

Suho’s face darkens dangerously.  Seo Jun doesn’t think he’s ever seen such an expression cross his friend’s handsome features before and something shivers inside him.

Some people around them have started to take notice of the commotion, Seo Jun realizes.  And while he can afford to be caught dancing at a nightclub- even with another man- participating in a fight is a whole other level of rumor he doesn’t need, even years after Se Yeon’s unfortunate circumstances.  He never wants to live through something like that again.

He wraps a hand around Suho's bicep.  "C'mon.  Let's just go."  

Suho seems to get the hint.  He glances around at the audience that is starting to form, tosses one last glare at the man Seo Jun had been dancing with, then uses his grip on Seo Jun's wrist to tug him through the crowd.  He lets Suho lead him in a winding path back up to the sitting area, where he spots Ju Gyeong almost right away.  Beside her is another man, not particularly handsome, but not plain either, and a rather pretty woman.

"What were you here for again?"  He shouts into Suho's ear to be heard.

"Double date, apparently," Suho throws back over his shoulder.  "Ju Gyeong wanted me to meet her friend.  Idiot."  The last sounds more like it was directed at himself rather than Ju Gyeong, or maybe even both of them, but Seo Jun isn’t sure and it just leaves him more confused.

He feels something dark and twisted rise within, but can’t pinpoint what it is or why it’s there.  He should feel happy for Suho, glad his friend is moving on.  Instead, it almost feels like the opposite, though he doesn’t think Suho getting back together with Ju Gyeong is the answer either.  "Oh.  Makes sense.  Surprised she got you to come here at all."

They make it to the table where Ju Gyeong and her friends wait.  Suho only stops long enough to finish what must have been his abandoned drink and throw down several 10,000 won notes, before grabbing Seo Jun's wrist again and dragging him away.

Seo Jun has just enough time to cheekily wave to the stunned table.  "Hi, Ju Gyeong.  Bye, Ju Gyeong."  And then he's too far away to hear a response, if there is any.

Outside the club, Suho throws Seo Jun against the wall, slamming a hand into the brick by his head.  "Now, I'm going to ask again, what the fuck were you doing in there?"

Seo Jun stares at him, heart beating too quickly, and considers not answering just piss Suho off more.  "Dancing?"  

"Dancing."  Suho repeats the word, rolling it slowly over his tongue.  "Are you asking me if you were dancing?  Because if you are, I'd have to disagree.  Practically fucking in the middle of a club, even with clothes on, isn’t dancing."

"What?"  Seo Jun is confused.  Overwhelmed.  The way Suho is talking, the way the hand not braced against the wall curls around Seo Jun’s hip, it almost seems like he- but it can't be.  They aren’t in that kind of relationship.  They’re not in any kind of relationship beyond friends that have sex sometimes.

A lot of times, actually.  Though, Seo Jun still doesn’t think it’s any kind of big deal.  They’re comfortable with each other, is all.  And they have great chemistry together in bed.

"C'mon."  Suho grabs his wrist again and tugs.  “What I want to do to you, it shouldn’t be done outside.”  The growl in Suho’s voice sends shivers down Seo Jun’s back.  He lets the other man drag him toward the street.  Suho hails a cab and gives the driver his address.  They ride in silence, and all the while, Suho never lets go of Seo Jun's hand.

Before he knows it, he's being pushed through the familiar door of the apartment, Suho hot and hard at his back.  The other man wastes no time in pulling at his clothes, not giving Seo Jun any time to think.  By the time he's aware again, Suho is already buried inside him, both their pants shoved out of the way just far enough for accessibility’s sake.  Seo Jun braces his forearms against the wall, giving into the familiar sensation of Suho moving inside him.

They both come far too soon.  Suho first, twitching inside Seo Jun's tight channel, biting down on the exposed skin where neck meets shoulder.  It's enough to send Seo Jun over as well, painting the wall in front of him.

Suho slumps against him, panting heavily, and Seo Jun bears the weight of him even though his own legs tremble with the effort.  "You're mine," he mumbles into Seo Jun's ear, placing a soft kiss to the side of his neck, and then pulls out.  

He leads Seo Jun through the apartment, stripping their clothes as they go, and this time Suho lays him on his back.  He touches Seo Jun gently, takes care to find all of the spots that make him whimper and moan, and when Suho finally lets Seo Jun come after what feels like hours of being kept on edge, he thinks he might see stars.

They fall asleep wrapped around each other, heedless of the mess they made together.

Seo Jun wakes to the sound of clanging pans.  He stumbles naked to the bathroom, heedless of the way Suho's eyes follow him, darting from his messy hair to the mouth-shaped bruises dotting his body.

It hits him in the middle of his shower, the implications of Suho's growled claim from the night before.

You're mine.

He freezes under the spray, the phrase running on repeat through his mind until a mouthful of shampoo makes him sputter.  Holy shit.  Had Suho really meant that?  Or was it just Suho spouting nonsense in the heat of the moment?

And, what did Seo Jun want from Suho?  He wasn’t sure he knew anymore.

Seo Jun spits out the foam, rinses his mouth again, and considers the bruises left on his body.  The marks were light in most places and would fade in a few days.  One or two, however, were much darker.

He wonders what it all means, coming from Suho.

Quickly, he finishes his shower and grabs one of the towels hanging on a bar by the stall.  It's a mark of how often he is here, he realizes, that there's a second towel already set out for him, and that it's almost second nature to grab Suho's bathrobe to cover himself.

Some of his skincare products have also made their way into Suho's apartment, though Seo Jun would be hard pressed to remember how or when.  There's a second toothbrush as well.  Seo Jun stares at it for a long moment before making use of it.

He's in a relatively good mood as he shimmies his way out of the bathroom.  " Eondeongi  ppangppangppang, namjadeureun time time time ," he sings to himself as he shuffles his way around the table.  "Nae ipsul nyamnyamny- "  He stops abruptly.

Sitting at the kitchen island is Ju Gyeong.  Like the worst version of deja vu, she stares at him, spoon held loosely in one hand before it slips from between her fingers and clangs onto the countertop, startling them all into action.

"Shit!"  Seo Jun turns and hurriedly pulls the robe tighter around himself, thanking every deity known to man that he'd at least tied the belt well enough to hide everything from the waist down.  Unfortunately, that meant Ju Gyeong had still gotten an eyeful of his chest.

"Um, am I interrupting something?"  Ju Gyeong's voice says from behind him.  "If this is a bad time, I can go."

"No!"  Seo Jun turns back around, the robe more securely tied.  "It's fine.  I just wasn't expecting you," he adds lamely.  "I mean, what would you be interrupting?"  He glances at Suho behind her.

The other man just stares back at Seo Jun, a sort of focused intensity to his gaze that has been appearing more often than not as of late, usually when Seo Jun is naked or on his way to being naked.

No help there then.

Ju Gyeong looks between them like she isn't quite sure what is going on, but knows that something is, not that Seo Jun blames her for the suspicion.  Luckily, it looks like Suho had the forethought to pick up their clothes from the night before, neatly stacking them on the desk chair by the bed.  He really hopes Ju Gyeong hadn't gotten close enough to the bed to realize that two people had slept in it and that sleeping hadn't been the only thing they had done.

"You both left in such a hurry last night, I thought something was wrong."

Suho, the bastard, still doesn't say anything.

"Oh, uh, yeah."  Seo Jun scrambles to think of an excuse.  "Um, he must have seen me at the bar.  Someone put something in my drink when I wasn't looking, apparently."

"What?!"  Ju Gyeong's expression is a perfect mixture of outrage and concern.  "Are you okay?"

Seo Jun offers her a smile.  "Yeah, but that's why he dragged me out of there so quickly.  Right, Suho?"

The staring hasn't let up.  He tries again.  "Suho?"

"Huh?  Yes!"  Suho's eyes focus back on Ju Gyeong.  "I thought I saw some asshole put something in Seo Jun’s drink, so I got him out of there as fast as possible and brought him back here, in case."  He parrots Seo Jun’s excuse almost perfectly and it takes more control than Seo Jun thought he had not to slam his palm against his forehead at the dumb look on Suho’s face.

"Oh, that makes sense.  I wish you had texted me or something though.  Poor Go Eun thought you didn't like her."

Suho's eyes travel back to Seo Jun for a moment and Seo Jun averts his gaze.  It's not his business who Suho chooses to date.  "Ah, well, about that…"  He goes back to dishing out rice.

Ju Gyeong turns back to Seo Jun.  "I'm glad you're okay."

"Me too," he tries to offer his best smile.  It must pass, because Ju Gyeong smiles back and Seo Jun goes digging in Suho's closet for some clothes.

When he comes back out, Ju Gyeong gives him an odd look, but he ignores it in favor of retreating to the bathroom to change.

Through the door, he hears her address Suho again.  "So, about Go Eun… you don't like her?  You hardly even spoke to her. "

He slows down in pulling on the hoodie, stalling as he listens for Suho's answer.  "It's not that…"

"Then, what is it?"

Seo Jun leans over further, pressing his ear almost to the door.

"I already have someone I like."

What?   Why hasn’t Suho said anything to him about it?  Weren’t they friends, dammit?

"You do?!"  Ju Gyeong squeals in surprise and Seo Jun jerks from the force of it, causing the foot that had been resting in a puddle on the floor to slip from underneath him.

"Shit!"  Seo Jun falls heavily against the door, a loud thud resonating around the room and he freezes, unsure if the door is thick enough to muffle the sound from the other side.

There's a long moment of silence, and then Suho knocks on the door.  "Seo Jun?  Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah.  I'm fine."  He quickly throws the hoodie over his head and then slides the door open, ears burning with embarrassment.  "Slipped in a puddle."

Suho gives him a soft look and Seo Jun wonders why his body is tingling all of a sudden.  "You should be more careful," Suho murmurs to him, slipping a hand under his elbow.  "You had a pretty rough time last night."

Yeah, and who’s fault is that?   He sends Suho a quick glare.  The other man has the audacity to look amused and Seo Jun opens his mouth to tell him off but…

I have someone I like.   The phrase echoes its way through Seo Jun’s mind and he wonders who it is that has caught Suho’s attention and swallows down the sour taste in his mouth.  "Yeah.  Thanks."  He pulls away from Suho's grasp and takes a seat beside Ju Gyeong at the counter, striking up a conversation with her.  "So that was Yi Bum?"

Ju Gyeong leaves soon after breakfast.  Seo Jun wears the clothes he borrowed from Suho to get home in, not feeling like sticking around long enough to wait for his to be laundered.  Apparently, his jeans had ended up with some questionable stains on them.

A few days later, Seo Jun and Suho are hanging out in front of Suho's frankly ridiculously-sized TV where Seo Jun is obliterating Suho in Stepmania, when the doorbell rings.

"I'll get it."  Suho sets down his controller.

Seo Jun scoffs, still following along with the arrows.  "You're just mad because you're losing and we're only doing green songs."

"Sure," Suho grins over his shoulder.  Seo Jun feels his heart skip a beat.  Strange.

Figuring it's time for a break anyway, he goes to grab some water from the refrigerator, only half-listening to the voices from the entryway.

"So, I thought I would drop them off," says a light voice and Seo Jun nearly drops his cup.

It's Ju Gyeong.

What's she doing back here again so soon?!   Seo Jun hasn't mentally prepared himself to run into her again at Suho's apartment, especially only days after that embarrassing last time.

"Thanks, but you really didn't have to."

"I was in the area," Ju Gyeong says as she rounds the corner.  "Oh!  Seo Jun!"

He waves at her.  "Hey," he says with a weak smile.

"Do you want to stay for a bit?"  Suho asks from behind her.  Seo Jun glares at him.

Suho shrugs back, and Seo Jun swears there is something mentally deficient going on with that man.

"Sure!"  Ju Gyeong heads over to the sitting area.  "Ooh!  Stepmania!"

Suho joins him in the kitchen. "Ju Gyeong, do you want tea or water?"  Silently, Seo Jun jostles him with an elbow.

"Tea, please!"  

When the elbow only garners him a strange look, and a return jab to the side, Seo Jun whispers, "why is she here?"

Suho shrugs.  "She had some comics of mine she wanted to return."

"That stupid horror shit?"

"It's not stupid.  It's good storytelling."

"Uh-huh."  Seo Jun lets it go.  "Hey, make me some, too."

"You have hands.  Make your own."

Seo Jun pulls a long frown.  "Ju Gyeong has hands, too, yet you're making her some."

"Ju Gyeong is a guest."  Still, Suho pours tea for all three of them, but leaves the last mug on the counter for Seo Jun while he takes the other two into the living area.

What the hell does that make me then?

Frowning, Seo Jun sips his tea before joining Suho on the couch.  They all make small talk for a moment, just catching up, but there seems to be something on Ju Gyeong's mind.  Seo Jun notices the way she bites her lip, like she wants to say something, but isn't quite sure how to bring it up.

Seo Jun figures he'll save her the trouble.  "What is it?"

"Ah, well, no.  It's nothing."

"The fact that you didn't even ask what I meant means there is something.  Spill."

Ju Gyeong bites her lip.  "Okay.  Well," she begins hesitantly.  "I just wanted to know- and no judgment from me, you're my friends, and I love you- but, um, well… how long have you two been dating?"

Seo Jun spits out his tea.  "What?!"  He ignores the quiet 'ew' from next to him.  "What makes you think we're dating?"

"Uh, well, the way you're sitting for one."

"Huh?"  He looks over to Suho, ready to ask him what she means, but then he sees it.  "Oh."

He's sitting next to Suho, which would be fine, except Seo Jun likes to sit cross-legged on the couch, and one of his knees is thrown over Suho's thigh.  They're pressed together from shoulder to hip.  And, most damning of all, is probably the hand Suho has casually resting on Seo Jun's knee that he hadn't even noticed until now.

Originally, Seo Jun had started sitting like this as a way to annoy Suho, collapsing on top of him roughly to jostle him out of whatever melancholy direction his thoughts had circled in and get him to focus on the now.  Slowly, without him realizing it, Suho had lost the annoyance at the intrusion and had just accepted Seo Jun into his space.  At some point, it had just become a habit to sit like this when it was the two of them.

“And, um,” Ju Gyeong taps the side of her neck and turns her gaze away, her ears flushing a pretty pink.

“Wha-”  His hand flies to his own neck and he realizes that not only is he wearing a set of Suho’s sweats- which isn’t really that uncommon from even when they were just friends- he has chosen ones with a wide collar, completely exposing the bite mark Suho had left days earlier.

He starts to make an excuse, but before he can, someone cuts him off.

"A little over three months," answers Suho, the traitor.

Wait.

"What?"  Because Seo Jun can't have heard him right.  They're dating?  They can't be.  Surely Seo Jun wouldn't have missed something as momentous as Suho asking him out.  "Since when?"

Suho calmly stares back at him.  Seo Jun doesn't think he's imagining the fond exasperation emanating from the man beside him.  "Since our first date," he explains patiently.

"We had a first date?!"  Seo Jun turns so he's facing Suho better.  "Wait, that implies there was more than one date.  We've gone on multiple dates?"

When?  How?  Why?  Seo Jun had thought Suho was still pining after Ju Gyeong.  Or moving on to the Go Eun chick.

Slowly, Suho nods.

"Um, I think I should probably head out."

Suho glances up at Ju Gyeong, but Seo Jun is still too stunned to do more than keep staring at the man in front of him.  "Okay.  Take care getting home."

"I will!"  And then Ju Gyeong is gone and it's just the two of them again.

Seo Jun is still frozen.  His heart feels like it's beating too fast, and he's not sure he's breathing, and now Suho is looking at him with concern written all over his usually stoic face.  "Seo Jun?  Are you okay?"  Suho cups a hand over his cheek.  "Seo Jun?"

It's enough to bring Seo Jun out of his daze.  "Hm?  Yeah.  Just… we're dating?"

Suho frowns at him.  "I thought you knew."

“How was I supposed to know?”

“I asked you out to dinner.  You said yes.  We went to see that awful action movie you’d been raving about wanting to watch.”  Carefully, Suho takes Seo Jun’s fingers in his own.  “Seo Jun?”

“Oh,”  Seo Jun manages to choke out as realization hits him.  “Oh.  The nightclub.  You must have thought-”  Panic rises up in Seo Jun because Suho’s entire response to that night makes sense now.  He must have thought- but Seo Jun hadn’t known- he never would have if he had known.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t-  I didn’t-”  He can’t finish the thought.

“Hey, hey, hey.”  Suho gathers him in his arms.  “It’s okay.  Well, it wasn’t then, but it’s okay now.”  He presses a kiss to Seo Jun’s forehead and Seo Jun aches with the tenderness of it.  “You didn’t know.  I should have been more clear about my intentions.  Well, I thought I was, but apparently not.”

Seo Jun clings to the front of Suho’s shirt.  “I’m sorry,” he repeats, over and over again.

“It’s okay.  We’re okay,” Suho tells him in response.

Eventually, Seo Jun is able to calm himself down enough to talk about it with Suho.  “So, we’ve been dating since you took me to that fancy Japanese restaurant or something?”  Is the first thing he asks, because really?  They’ve been going on dates, they’re dating, and Seo Jun hadn’t even known it.

Suho nods, face rubbing against the crown of Seo Jun’s head.  “Mhm.”

“All you said was ‘hey, want to go see a movie and eat out after?’”

“It worked well enough before,” Suho mutters petulantly.

Seo Jun moves enough so he can glare up at the other man.

“Granted,” Suho revises, “the other person already knew they were in a relationship with me first.”

He settles back onto Suho’s chest.  “That’s kind of an important first step.”

“Sorry,” Suho says into his hair.  “This is only the second time I’ve done this.  And I don’t think I went about it quite right the first time, either.”

“You were pretty fucking awkward around Ju Gyeong,” Seo Jun agrees.  “And obsessive.  And possessive.”

They settle into silence, Seo Jun still reeling from this new revelation and Suho probably not wanting to be the one to break the peace they had found.  However, it isn’t long before Seo Jun begins to fidget, a question burning in the back of his mind.

“What is it?”  Suho hadn’t been his friend since middle school for nothing it seems.

“Well, just… How long have you liked me?”  He picks at loose thread on his borrowed sweatshirt.  “I mean like this.  Before, you never gave any indication you would even go for guys.”

Silence follows his question, but Seo Jun can tell it’s because Suho is thinking on how to answer it, and not trying to avoid it.  “It’s a bit complicated,” Suho admits.  “I first knew I liked you when we were fifteen and dreaming of starting our own production company with Se Yeon.”

Seo Jun sits up.  "What?  Really?"

Suho nods.  “Yeah, but I was still afraid of my father then, of what he might do if he found out, so…”

“So you buried it.”

“Yes.  And then there was what happened with Se Yeon not long after-”

“I was so angry with you," Seo Jun cuts in.  "I thought you hadn't believed him.”  A thumb swipes across his cheek, collecting moisture on it’s way.  Funny, Seo Jun hadn’t realized it could rain inside.  “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.”  Suho gathers him close again, strokes his hair and presses his lips to Seo Jun’s forehead.  “I should have tried to talk to you.  If I had been a little braver, that misunderstanding might never have happened.  If I had answered Se Yeon’s call...”

“Don’t.  I don’t want to go over it again,” Seo Jun admits.  It’s been over five years since that day, and while the thought of Se Yeon still hurts, it dulls with each passing year.  Seo Jun doesn’t think the pain will ever completely go away, but he does know that bringing it up over and over again, trying to assign blame, doesn’t help  “We both miss him.  We’ll probably always miss him, but we have each other still, and that has to mean something.  I don’t think he would want us torturing ourselves over it.”

"You’re right.”  Suho hugs him a little tighter.  “Seo Jun?”

“Hm?”

“I love you.”  Suho rests his head on top of Seon Jun’s.  “In case that wasn’t clear before.”

Oh.  No, it hadn’t been, exactly.  Seo Jun had expected a deep like, maybe, but love…  He stares up at Suho.

Suho kisses him.

Immediately, Seo Jun presses closer, closing his eyes and relishing the feel of Suho's lips against his own.  His heart beats triple time and-

Oh, so that's what that feeling was.

Love, he realizes now.  This whole time, since they were fifteen, he’s been in love with Suho.  Even when he liked Ju Gyeong, even when he blamed him for Se Yeon, he still loved him..  How had he not recognized this feeling?  

Perhaps, he thinks, because at fifteen he didn't have the words or understanding.  And in his early twenties, the feeling was so different from what he had felt for Ju Gyeong that he hadn't recognized it as a variation of the same feelings.  Ju Gyeong had been sudden and fierce.  Unexpected.  Suho had been a quiet comfort on his hardest days, steadfast and enduring.

Sensing that something is off, Suho pulls back from the kiss first.  “Seo Jun?”

“I think I love you, too.”

Suho frowns at him.  “You ‘think’?”

"When we were kids," Seo Jun shifts uncomfortably, carefully parsing out his words.  "I didn't know what that feeling was.  I didn't think about it very much at all honestly.  I had so much other stuff going on."

"Understandable."  Suho gathers him close again, turning Seo Jun to lean his back against him.  

"And then Se Yeon…"

He feels lips press against his hair.  "Yeah."

Hesitantly, Seo Jun continues to explain.  "And Ju Gyeong, what I felt for her- how it felt to love her- it's different from what it feels like with you, I think."  

"Oh?"  Suho sounds curious, not upset, and the tension releases in Seo Jun's chest.

"With her, it was fire and water, you know? Two opposites that shouldn't mix- can't mix."  He tilts his head up.  "With you, it's like earth and air, peacefully coexisting together… though, it's not without its more heated moments."  He grins up at Suho.

He gets a smile and another kiss to his temple before silence falls between them once again, this one more comfortable than the last.  There’s something else Seo Jun wants to ask about- someone else, really- but he’s not sure it’s his place to ask, even though he has bared his own thoughts on the topic. 

“I thought Ju Gyeong was my redemption,” Suho whispers into his hair, unaided.

Seo Jun shifts uncomfortably.  “I didn’t ask.”  Though, he had been thinking about it.  Was Suho a mind-reader now?

“I know.  I’m telling you anyway.  You deserve to know why I was such an ass to you back then.”

He keeps silent, letting Suho continue.

“When I thought that the only two people I had ever loved might leave me for each other, I may have gotten a little…possessive.”

Seo Jun snorts.  “A little?”

Suho pokes him in the side, but otherwise ignores the interruption.  “I didn’t think I had a chance with you, didn’t think we’d ever even be friends again, and things were so easy with Ju Gyeong that I didn’t want to give her up.”

“And now?”  What if Suho still cared for Ju Gyeong?  What if, one day, she came to him and said she had made a terrible mistake?

“Now…”  He looks down at Seo Jun.  “Now, I have you by my side and Ju Gyeong as a friend.”

Seo Jun narrows his eyes at him.  “And that’s that?”

“That’s that,” Suho nods.

“Really?”  He slides out of Suho’s grip only to come right back to him, slinging a thigh across the other man’s lap and straddling him.

Immediately, Suho’s hands come up to rest at his waist, holding him, supporting him, but not restricting his movements.  “Really.”

And there, Seo Jun can see it now.  There’s love shining in Suho’s eyes, one that’s been there for as long as Seo Jun can remember, he just hadn’t known to look for it before.  Hadn’t known what it meant.  

He knows now.  Seo Jun leans down and Suho tilts his head up, easily meeting him in the middle for a kiss, lips meeting and parting in an easy, familiar rhythm that was only theirs.  

Love, for them, wasn’t fire and adrenaline.  It wasn’t passionate fights or tears of remorse.  For them, love was late-night game marathons and easy conversation.  It was tired, old arguments about the best way to cook noodles and falling asleep on the couch together after a long day.

It was comfort of a sort that Seo Jun had only ever had with Suho, would only ever have with Suho.

As their kiss deepens, hands finding their way under clothes- familiar and warm- Seo Jun muzzily thinks that he's grateful to have fallen for Ju Gyeong all those years ago.  If he hadn’t, he might never have recognized what he has now with Suho.  And then Suho’s fingers find a nipple and Seo Jun stops thinking altogether.  There would be plenty of time to reflect later, if he wanted.  He had better things to focus on now.