Chapter Text
Merlin stopped to take one last look at the place he’d called home for more than three years. The rising sun cast an ethereal glow over the Castle, a soft, rose-colored blush painted the towers, walls, and spires. Wiping his eyes on the too-long sleeve of his blue tunic he smiled sadly. Adjusting the weight of his bags, he lowered his head for a moment.
“Goodbye, Arthur,” he said, voice breaking.
With a deep sigh, Merlin turned and headed into the Darkling Woods. With every step he felt it, the pull to turn around, to go back. It grew with such intensity that it felt almost as if it would flip him inside out. He had to keep going…to keep moving. Going back was not an option. He could not remain in Camelot when his reason for living no longer wanted him there.
Tears stung his eyes, blurring his vision until he couldn’t see the path ahead. Dropping his bags, he sat down against a dead tree. Drawing his knees up to his chest, he gave in to the tears. His heart was fluttering in his chest. He could hear the last words Arthur said to him replaying in his head over and over again.
You betrayed me. I trusted you! Just get out! I don’t want to see you.
“I’m sorry, Arthur,” Merlin gasped pressing the heels of his hands against his eyelids. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his shoulders vibrating. Utter despair consuming him, sapping his strength. His stomach twisted and he doubled over, his breakfast coming up. Sinking back against the tree he tilted his head back, biting his bottom lip, willing his body to stop rebelling and his breathing to slow.
“Arthur,” Merlin breathed out his name then closed his eyes.
“Arthur, are you listening?” Uther’s voice yanked the prince out of his own head.
“Sorry, father,” Arthur said, lifting his chin and meeting his father’s gaze, “I’m a bit distracted.”
“This distraction wouldn’t have anything to do with your missing servant, would it?”
“What?” Arthur asked, caught off guard, “No, why would it have anything to do with Merlin? And besides, he isn’t missing, he’s just…”
“Several servants reported hearing the heated argument between the two of you last night. The guards saw him leave the city through the main gate at dawn, Arthur. Now if you will please tell me the truth?”
“Merlin asked to be relieved of his duties indefinitely.”
“Indefinitely?”
“Yes,” Arthur said, struggling to contain his anger. Anger that he wasn’t sure was fully Merlin’s doing, or because it was his father’s hatred of magic creating the chasm between Arthur and the only true friend he ever had in his life.
“What was this argument about?” Uther asked his lips forming a snide smirk.
“Just a minor disagreement,” Arthur said dropping his gaze to the floor.
“A minor disagreement that was heard by half the castle.”
“It was nothing, Sire.”
“Then tell me, why has Merlin left Camelot,” Uther asked, eyeing his son calculatingly.
“He just needed some time off, that is all.”
“Time off? Arthur, the boy has not left your side in three years. You expect me to believe that he just needed a holiday?”
Arthur was quickly running out of patience. “What happened between me and my servant, is of no concern to the court. I request that the matter be dropped.”
“It is of my concern, Arthur!” Uther shouted, “I will not have my son bending to the will of a servant!”
“Merlin is my servant and I have handled the situation.”
Uther’s eyes narrowed his mouth twisted, but he did not push Arthur any further. “I assume you have found a suitable replacement.”
Arthur bit his tongue to keep from saying something he would really regret. He wanted so badly to tell his father that Merlin was irreplaceable and that there would be no Camelot if it weren’t for the said servant and his magic.
“Yes, father. Though I am certain that Merlin will return when he is able,” Arthur said calming his tone. It was extremely disconcerting, the conflicting emotions that rose up in him every time he thought of Merlin. Yes, he was angry at the boy for lying to him for years. But there was also sadness because he’d felt he couldn’t trust Arthur with his secret. Mostly there was the intense pull in his chest that grew stronger with every hour Merlin wasn’t by his side. He knew the very moment his servant left that morning. It was like a part of him was reaching out, seeking to bring him back.
“Go, get some rest, you look like hell,” Uther waved him off.
“Yes, father,” Arthur nodded then backed toward the door before turning and making his escape. He rounded the corner, stopping in the corridor then leaned back against the wall, his head pounding. He started to move away when he heard his father say Merlin’s name. He moved closer keeping out of sight.
“Alert the guards, if Merlin tries to return to Camelot, I want him restrained on sight and locked in the dungeon to await execution. If he resists, kill him. Sir Leon, Sir Kendrick, I would like you to gather your men and set out after the boy. Whatever it takes I want him dealt with.”
“My Lord,” Sir Leon spoke up, “Merlin has shown nothing but loyalty to Arthur and to Camelot.”
“I have long suspected that the boy has magic, I am now certain of it. I will not have him anywhere near my son any longer. I believe he has been working to turn Arthur against me. He is a danger to Arthur and to the kingdom. I have been looking for a chance to eliminate him without creating a rift between Arthur and myself, he has become too attached to the boy. If he is killed while away from Camelot there is no reason for my son to blame me.”
“Forgive me, My Lord, but are you certain of this?” Sir Leon asked, his eyes wide. He had no idea if Merlin had magic or not, but even if it were true, the boy would never use it against Arthur. Anyone who spent any time around him over the years knew that he cared deeply for the prince and would die to protect him.
“The evidence is overwhelming. I want the boy found and dealt with before he can do any more damage. Not a word of this to my son, this bond between them, it must be severed…permanently. Is that understood?”
“Yes, My Lord,” Sir Leon said.
“Very well, you have your orders. I’ll expect you to leave within the hour.”
“My Lord,” Sir Leon and Sir Kendrick both bowed and headed for the door.
Arthur ducked into an alcove pressing his back to the wall keeping to the shadows until the corridor was clear. Slipping out of the hiding place he turned and ran toward the servant’s corridor hoping to get to his chambers without being seen.
He was furious and terrified, his father wanted Merlin dead. Ordered him hunted down like an animal. Merlin may have lied to him, but he did not deserve to die. Not after everything he had done for Camelot. He had to get to Merlin first and warn him.
The knights would be leaving within the hour, but he had the advantage. He had the constant irritating pull in his chest to follow, it would lead him right to Merlin. He didn’t need magic to feel their bond. It was strong and had been there from the beginning.
Reaching his chambers, Arthur slipped through the servant’s entrance grabbed his bags, and started to pack. Opening his door, he waved to a servant in the hallway dragging him into the room.
“What’s your name?” Arthur asked.
“Samuel, Sire,” he bowed.
“Samuel I really need you to do something for me. I need you to be quick and discrete. Can you do that?”
“Yes, of course, Sire.”
“I need supplies and food, take them to the stables and ready my horse. Speak to no one and if anyone asks questions lie. Is that understood?” Arthur asked.
“Absolutely, Sire,” Samuel said, “If I may ask, is this about Merlin?”
“Why?” Arthur eyed him warily.
“I hear things. Merlin is a good man; he saved my sister’s life. I owe him.”
“Yes, it seems there is much I am learning about my servant’s deeds.”
“I will do as you ask, discretely. I do not want to see any harm come to Merlin.”
“Thank you, Samuel,” Arthur said then put a gold coin in the boy’s hand, “Now go…be careful.”
Samuel nodded and Arthur smiled then opened the door letting Samuel out then returned to packing his bags. He had no idea how long he would be gone, but he would not return until he was certain Merlin was safely out of his father’s reach.
A knock on his door had him shoving his bags under the bed. He moved to open it finding a very distraught Guinevere wringing her hands and clearly on the verge of tears.
“Arthur,” she said her bottom lip trembling.
“Come in, Guinevere,” Arthur said, checking the corridor before closing the door behind her.
“Arthur, I just heard…please, you have to save Merlin.”
“I will, you know I would never allow my father to hurt him.”
“No, of course not…I know you wouldn’t. Arthur, they are saying that Merlin has…he has magic,” she said, her voice dropping to barely a whisper on the last word.
“Yes, I heard,” Arthur said flatly.
“Arthur, if it’s true, he has only used it for good. Merlin would never hurt you or Camelot. You have to believe that,” Gwen said her voice pleading.
“I know that.”
“Do you think it is true?”
“I know it’s true because Merlin told me. Before he left Camelot.”
Gwen looked at Arthur accusingly, “You banished him, didn’t you?”
“Not exactly,” Arthur said.
“What exactly did you do?”
Arthur pulled his bags out and finished packing.
“Arthur?”
Releasing a breath, Arthur sat down on the end of his bed. “I didn’t banish him, but I…I lost my temper…I didn’t mean to.”
“What did you do, Arthur?”
“I hit him,” Arthur said his voice barely audible.
“You hit Merlin!” Gwen yelped.
“I was angry… I know it was wrong,” Arthur said, his face red with shame and regret. “If I could take it back I would.”
“Arthur Pendragon,” Gwen shrieked, the pitch of her voice piercing his soul, “You get out there and you find Merlin. Protect him the way he has protected you all these years. He has been nothing but loyal to you, even when you acted like a foolish ass. If anything happens to him, I will never forgive you!”
Arthur nodded, “You’re right, Guinevere.”
“Find him, Arthur,” she said then spinning on her heels she left the room slamming the door shut behind her leaving Arthur with puffed out cheeks releasing a slow breath. In all the years he had known her, Arthur had never seen Guinevere so angry.
Gathering up his bags, he slipped out the servant’s entrance. He made it to the stables only a matter of minutes before the knights. Samuel had everything ready for him.
“Thank you, Samuel,” Arthur said squeezing his shoulder.
“Sire, please be careful. Camelot needs you as well as Merlin.”
“I will. Tell no one that you have seen me, understand.”
“Yes, Sire. Be safe and God speed,” Samuel bowed.
Arthur mounted his horse, drew his blue cloak up over his head then with a nod he headed out. Keeping his head down, he rode past the men preparing to hunt down Merlin. His stomach tightened at the thought of them getting to Merlin first.
Leon spotted the lone rider wearing a familiar blue cloak. “Find him, Arthur…” he said under his breath. Climbing into the saddle he took the lead, hoping to keep the others off the prince’s trail and give him time to get to Merlin to warn him. It didn’t matter to Leon if Merlin had magic, or he didn’t. The boy did not deserve to die. Arthur would move heaven and earth to save Merlin, he had no doubt. The bond between the prince and his manservant was strong and he doubted there was a force strong enough to break it.
“Let’s go,” Leon shouted.
Merlin had dozed off against the tree. He scrambled to his feet grabbing his bags. He had no idea how long he had slept, but the sun was high in the sky. He had to get moving. The more distance he put between himself and Camelot before nightfall the better.
Climbing a steep trail along a hillside, Merlin couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very wrong. The urge to turn back increased tenfold with the fear that Arthur could be in danger. Shaking his head, he kept moving. The bruise on his jaw was a painful reminder that Arthur didn’t want him around. He had no choice but to keep moving.
“Idiot,” Merlin muttered, “Arthur hates you.” Even if he could go back, Arthur would never trust him again. It would never be the same…nothing would ever be the same. He reached the top of the hill looking out over the wide valley and the distant mountain peaks. Any other day he would take the time to enjoy it. Camelot was truly a beautiful kingdom. His home…now former home.
“If you had just kept your mouth shut, Merlin…Arthur would be none the wiser and you would still be home in your lumpy bed.”
Merlin huffed a laugh, “Great, you’re talking to yourself. But then who else do you have to talk to? Doomed to be alone.” Stumbling over a large rock in the trail he barely kept his footing. “That’s right, fall and break your neck out here in the middle of nowhere. Save Arthur the trouble of killing you.”
Merlin walked until late afternoon, looking up to see clouds moving in, heavy with rain. He realized he needed to find shelter soon or be caught in the deluge. Turning west he followed the brook deeper into the woods where he knew there was an old abandoned hovel he had seen while out collecting herbs for Gaius.
Gaius, Merlin frowned. He hated to leave Gaius, the old physician had been so good to him. Taking him in, putting up with his missteps and mistakes, taught him so much about magic and healing.
He spotted the hovel just as the first few raindrops began to fall. A few yanks on the door and it opened. He slipped inside dropping his bags by the hearth and went back outside to gather firewood. The rain cut loose within ten minutes, and he ran with an armload of wood ducking back inside the hovel already soaking wet.
“Merlin, you are truly destined for greatness,” he muttered sarcastically. He used magic to make sure the chimney was clear of all plant and animal life then placed the wood in the hearth. “Forbearnan,” he said, the wood caught, and warmth spread through the tiny dwelling. Getting up he pulled off his wet jacket hanging it near the fire. Kicking off his boots he shed his wet tunic and trousers changing into dry ones from his bag.
Finding an old broom, he swept the floor a bit before righting the overturned bed. The mattress had seen better days, but it was intact, and it would be much better than the uneven hard floor. Covering the bed with the wool blanket he’d brought with him, he dragged it over in front of the fire. It was going to be a damp cold night. Glancing around at what he had done he shrugged and smiled.
“Home sweet home,” Merlin chuckled rolling his eyes. He sat down on the bed dragging his bag over closer and pulled out his magic book. It was the only thing he could bring with him. The Sidhe staff was still under his bed in his old room. Gaius would keep it safe. Not that he would ever be able to go back for it anyway. “You are truly an idiot, Merlin. Arthur always said you talk too much. Should have just left well enough alone.”
Untying the small blanket from his bag he wrapped it around his shoulders and sprawled out on the bed to flip through the magic book. It was too early for supper, and he really wasn’t sleepy yet. If not for the rain he could have put a little more distance between him and Camelot. At least no one would be able to follow his trail, the rain would wash it away. Not that anyone would care enough to look for him anyway.
Merlin could head for Ealdor, but he really didn’t want to face the wrath of his mother for revealing his magic to Arthur and getting himself banished. Well, not exactly banished, because he had left on his own not waiting for Arthur to officially sentence him or for Uther to burn him at the stake or take off his head. He was fond of his head despite his overly prominent ears.
Where he would go he had no idea. Maybe this would be good. Perhaps he needed to go somewhere new, start again. He had saved a little money, enough to hold him over until he could find work. Perhaps he could go to a kingdom where magic was not banned. Where he could be himself and not be looking over his shoulder constantly. Kilgharrah would never forgive him for abandoning his destiny, but it wasn’t his fault. Not really.
It wasn’t his fault that Arthur kept getting into trouble and had people and creatures constantly trying to kill him. Merlin let out a deep sigh. He should have lied when Arthur asked him that question. He should have denied it, made up some sort of explanation for the discarded sword that just happened to rise from the ground, fly across the ravine, and impale the giant snake that was about to swallow the Prince of Camelot whole. Maybe he should have let it happen.
Shaking his head, Merlin rolled onto his side staring into the flames. Who was he fooling? He would die before he let anyone, or anything hurt Arthur. Despite their conflicts, Merlin had unyielding respect and admiration for the man. He put up a good front, making everybody think he was nothing more than an arrogant, pompous, prince, but Merlin knew the real Arthur. He had seen the soft side of his friend, the compassionate, strong, and brave man, and the lonely boy he was on the inside that he let no one see.
Wiping a tear from his face, Merlin laid back and closed his eyes. He missed him, he missed Arthur. The familiar pull in his chest made him smile sadly and he dropped one arm across his middle. He wished he could just go back, but Arthur had made it clear that he would never forgive him for keeping his magic secret.
“I’m sorry, Arthur,” Merlin whispered.
Arthur was soaked through. His horse was trudging through deep mud and the rain was showing no signs of letting up.
“Dammit, Merlin, where are you?” he muttered then turned his horse toward the cliffs to the north hoping there would be shelter there. The instant he did so he felt the pull in his chest yanking him west. Looking longingly toward the cliffs he shook his head and headed west. “Merlin, I need you to hear me. Merlin!” he yelled at the top of his lungs.
The tug to continue west was unrelenting and Arthur just gave into it, hoping it would lead him to shelter and to Merlin. Merlin needed to know the danger he was in and if the others found him first, Arthur would not be able to save him.
As his horse headed into the dense woods the trail was at least not so muddy. Arthur stopped to take a break beneath the thick canopy of trees. Yanking off his armor he tossed it into the bushes. He didn’t need the extra weight and he didn’t need to be recognized as a Camelot Knight. Taking off his soaked tunic he rolled it to ring out the excess water shaking it out then put it back on with a shiver. It was getting dark and colder.
Closing his eyes for a moment he put his hand over his chest. The tightening he felt there he didn’t understand, but he knew it was connected to Merlin. Somehow it would lead him right to him. If only he hadn’t lost his temper and lashed out. If he had just told him the truth that the reason he was so angry was because he had considered him his closest friend and that it hurt him to know Merlin did not feel the same. He couldn’t feel the same if he kept such an important part of himself from Arthur. It wasn’t the fact that he had magic, it was the lies. He could deal with the magic. Somehow he would have figured out a way to keep Merlin safe in Camelot. Of course, now that his father knew, there would be no returning to Camelot for Merlin and Arthur wasn’t sure what he would do. He was the prince.
Somehow the thought of Merlin not being by his side had never crossed Arthur’s mind. Not since the idiot peasant boy walked into his life more than three years ago. He couldn’t remember his life before Merlin. The boy carved out a place for himself in Camelot and in Arthur’s heart. He didn’t want to know a world without Merlin’s goofy grin, his big ears, and those damned laughing eyes that saw right into the prince’s soul, opened him up like a book, and changed the whole story around to his liking.
Merlin had made him a better prince; a better man and Arthur didn’t want to go back to the person he was before. The thought of one day being king and Merlin not being there was impossible to accept. He needed Merlin.
Arthur got back up on his horse feeling much better without the armor. He urged the mare forward heading deeper into the woods. There were areas where the trees were so thick overhead that the rain barely penetrated. Following the brook and the pull in his chest, he hoped that the rain had forced Merlin to seek shelter for the night and that he would be able to catch up to him before he moved on.
He hadn’t gone far before he smelled burning wood. With a hopeful grin, he nudged his horse moving faster. Somehow he knew it was Merlin. He was close by.
Spotting the hovel nearly hidden in the undergrowth, Arthur saw prints in the mud that looked like Merlin’s. Sliding off the horse he pulled the blue cloak from his bag putting it on and covering his head as he made his way to the door. He knocked loudly.
“Hello, weary traveler seeking warmth and shelter from the storm,” Arthur called out, disguising his voice. He knew Merlin would never turn away someone in need. He kept his head down and the cloak pulled tightly around his body. The sound of movement inside made him grin. “Please, I beg of you. I am so cold,” Arthur said with a forced cough for good measure.
Merlin stood inside the door his hand on the latch. He took a deep breath shoved the door open and stepped back. “Are you going to hit me again?” Merlin asked.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Arthur kept up the fake voice.
“I know it’s you Arthur so you can drop the act and get your backside in here before you catch your death,” Merlin said.
Arthur pushed his hood back. “Come on I didn’t fool you at all? Not even for a moment?” he asked, his voice tinged with amusement. “Not even a little bit?”
“Arthur,” Merlin said impatiently.
“You’re no fun,” Arthur muttered as he stepped into the tiny dwelling, “Nice place.”
“The bed is mine; you get the floor.”
“You’re going to make your prince sleep on the floor?” Arthur asked, with a smirk.
“Seeing that you are no longer my prince, yes,” Merlin said not holding back the bite in his words.
Arthur turned around to see Merlin heading out the door. “Where are you going?”
“To take care of the horse,” he responded, “Just because you’re an ass, doesn’t mean I am going to let an innocent animal suffer in the cold.”
Arthur grinned removing his cloak and sat down on a wobbly chair next to the hearth. He held his hands out to warm them while waiting for Merlin to return. It was a good sign that he at least let him inside. Arthur had prepared himself to grovel if necessary, but Merlin didn’t need to know that. He would take great pleasure in watching his prince beg for forgiveness.
Merlin muttered under his breath as he removed the saddle and rubbed down the black mare patting her neck gently. “You should have thrown him off in a giant mud hole,” he smirked, “Come on let’s get you under some shelter.” He gave her food and water after leading her beneath the roof at the back of the hovel. Placing the saddle over a broken bench, he grabbed Arthur’s bags surprised at how heavy they were. Arthur was obviously planning to be away from Camelot for a long while.
He stepped through the door and dropped the bags next to Arthur then pulled it closed. He said nothing as he moved to the fire and stirred the pot of stew, glad he had made extra. He sat back down on the bed keeping his eyes averted not giving the prince the satisfaction of a reaction.
“There’s bread and wine in my bag,” Arthur offered, “To go with the stew.”
Merlin shrugged but didn’t say anything and didn’t move to check so Arthur reached down and pulled out the bread and the wine placing them on the small table. Merlin’s gaze darted from the table to Arthur then back to the fire.
Arthur studied Merlin in the firelight, his eyes going to the dark purple bruise on his jaw. Before he could stop himself he reached out, his fingertips lightly brushing over the undeniable evidence of his temper. He half expected Merlin to pull away, but he just tensed up and steeled his gaze.
“Merlin, I’m so sorry,” he said softly. I shouldn’t have hit you. I never meant to hurt you.”
“I saw the look in your eyes, Arthur, you definitely meant it,” Merlin glared at him.
Arthur lowered his head, “I beg of you, Merlin. Please, forgive me?”
Merlin’s eyebrow twitched and he turned to meet Arthur’s gaze. His mouth tightened into a straight line. “Why are you here, Arthur?”
“I came to warn you. My father knows you have magic, and he has ordered his men to hunt you down,” Arthur said.
“What, did you tell him then suddenly feel remorse?” Merlin asked bitterly.
“No, I would never…you must know, Merlin. I would never betray you. Never,” Arthur said his voice breaking. “You have to believe me. I did not tell him anything.”
Merlin’s shoulders relaxed minutely, “If you didn’t tell him, how else did he find out?”
“I think he’s just put the pieces together. I am not sure what made him act on his suspicions now. I couldn’t let it happen, Merlin. I can’t let him hurt you.”
“Because that’s your royal prerogative, right?” Merlin bit back.
Arthur flinched visibly, “I deserve that.”
“Yes, you do!”
Moving next to Merlin on the bed, Arthur put his hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “I wish to the Gods that I could take back what I did, Merlin. I swear to you it will never happen again. I will find a way to earn your forgiveness and win back your trust.”
“And just how are you going to do that from Camelot? Because I obviously can never go back.”
Arthur fell silent for a moment then his eyes sharpened. “I’m not going back.”
Merlin’s head snapped around his eyes wide as he took in the absolute conviction in the prince’s face. “Are you mad? Arthur, you are the prince. Camelot needs you to be king one day.”
“I will go back one day, but not until it is safe for you to return with me.”
“You are mad,” Merlin said, “Your father will…”
“I don’t care,” Arthur interrupted him, his hand moving to the bruise on Merlin’s jaw, “I can’t…I don’t want to let you go. I need to make amends for what I did to you, and I am going to do so by protecting you the way you have done for me the past three years.”
“You can’t be serious,” Merlin shouted scrambling off the bed to pace what little floor space there was. “It’s your destiny to be king.”
“If it is my destiny then it will happen,” Arthur said.
“This is not right, why would you give up your life for me? I am just your servant and a bad one at that. I am clumsy, I’m an idiot, you’re always telling me I am annoying. I am nothing. You cannot possibly understand…you can’t do this. You have to go back.”
“Merlin, stop,” Arthur said getting up from the bed to take hold of Merlin’s shoulders. “You are not nothing to me. Can’t you see that?”
Merlin shook his head, “I have spent my entire life hiding who I really am. You don’t know me, not really. You think you do, but you don’t.”
“So, everything was a lie?” Arthur asked squeezing Merlin’s shoulders.
“No, not everything…just my magic, and…and the Dragonlord bit.”
Arthur tilted his head back looking up at the ceiling of the hovel which was only half an arm's length above him. “Dragonlord?” he asked, then looked at his servant again. “He’s dead. What does he have to do with any of this?” He saw a flicker of pain and grief in Merlin’s eyes and suddenly everything began to make sense. “Merlin…Balinor?”
“He was my father,” Merlin choked on the words, biting his bottom lip as he tried to squirm free, but Arthur held tight to his shoulders keeping him in place.
“Merlin,” Arthur let out an exasperated sigh. His hands slid from Merlin’s shoulders to his neck fighting the urge to strangle him. “You idiot…you should have told me. You shouldn’t have had to grieve your father all alone.”
“It’s not just that, Arthur,” Merlin said.
“Then what else?”
Merlin took a deep breath trying not to fall apart. “When he died…his gift passed to me. I am the last Dragonlord now. I stopped Kilgharrah from attacking Camelot.”
“Good hell, Merlin,” Arthur sighed, “How many times have you risked your life for the kingdom?”
“Not the kingdom, Arthur. Everything…I do everything for you,” Merlin said his voice breaking. “I would die for you a hundred times over. That’s why you have to go back. If anything were to happen to you…”
Arthur slid his arms around Merlin’s neck letting out a sound that was half sob half chuckle. “What about you, Merlin? Do you not see that if anything were to happen to you it would kill me?”
“I don’t matter,” Merlin said, his voice trembling as much as the rest of him. Arthur was there, he was real. He wrapped his arms around his prince, clinging to him just in case this moment never happened again. Arthur Pendragon didn’t hug anyone, especially not his manservant.
“You matter, Merlin,” Arthur said softly against the boy’s cheek. “Gods, you matter to me.”
“Arthur, you have to go back, it’s not safe,” Merlin said, drawing back slightly to look into Arthur’s blue eyes, “I can’t…you have to go, please.”
Arthur’s lips parted slightly, his eyes drifting to Merlin’s. “I am not going anywhere,” he said, then he did what he had wanted to do for years, he kissed those impossibly full lips. Merlin immediately tensed up and the prince feared that he’d made a mistake. But then his servant emitted a soft moan and returned the kiss eagerly. They pulled apart abruptly, both breathing hard and stunned by the intensity.
“Arthur?” Merlin asked, his eyes impossibly wide and shining.
“Now do you understand?”
Merlin backed away, running his hands through his hair, and turned back to the fire. “Um, I need to tend to the stew.”
“Merlin…” Arthur said, suddenly uncertain of anything. He held his breath watching Merlin stir the stew his hand pulling at the hem of his still damp tunic. Merlin glanced at him over his shoulder his blue eyes full of emotion and a soft smile on his lips.
“We need to get you into some dry clothes, Arthur,” Merlin said then he stood up and went to the prince’s bag pulling out a soft red tunic and a pair of black trousers. He dropped them on the end of the bed then stepped in front of Arthur pulling his tunic over his head then unlaced his trousers. Arthur’s hand on his wrists stopped him.
“I’ll do it, you’re not my servant anymore remember,” Arthur said with a crooked grin.
“Right,” Merlin frowned, “I forgot.”
“Merlin, I only meant that you don’t need to serve me anymore.”
“And what if I want to?”
“Then that is your choice, but from here on out we are no longer bound by station. I am not your prince, and you are not my servant.”
“Then what are we?” Merlin asked hesitantly.
Arthur placed his hand on Merlin’s cheek, “We are just this…just us.”
“I still think you’re making a mistake walking away from Camelot.”
“Merlin, for the first time in my life I am doing what feels right. Being with you feels right.”
Merlin shook his head then reached for Arthur’s trousers finishing what he started. A few minutes later Arthur was dressed and seated in the chair by the hearth again. Merlin dished up the stew and tore off a hunk of bread handing it to him, but he reached for an empty bowl and got his own.
“This feels strange,” Merlin said, settling back on the bed with his food while Arthur poured wine into two cups and handed him one.
“What is so strange about it?” Arthur asked.
“You…me…this place, the…you know…”
“The kiss?” Arthur asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, that…”
“You seemed to like it.”
Merlin blushed, “I did…believe me, I did.”
“Then what’s so strange about it?” Arthur asked his eyes sparkling with mirth.
“Just I never thought you would ever want to, that you would like me in that way.”
Arthur took a bite of stew watching Merlin closely. He smiled, downing the wine then refilled the cup. “More?” he asked, and Merlin shook his head.
“What about Gwen?”
“What about her?”
“She…I mean, you and she, I thought…”
“Merlin, I care for her, but I cannot give what already belongs to someone else,” Arthur said, “It took nearly losing you for me to realize that. If you can look directly into my eyes and tell me you don’t feel the same way I will walk out of here and return to Camelot.”
Merlin met his gaze his lips parted.
“Well?” Arthur asked waiting.
“I can’t. You know I can’t.”
“Then it’s settled.”
“I hope you know what you’re doing,” Merlin said softly.
“Finish your stew,” Arthur said, “The rain has stopped. We need to gather more firewood.”
“We?” Merlin asked with a raised eyebrow.
“That’s what I said.”
“We should be safe here for a little while.”
“Leon is leading the hunt for you. I am hoping he will slow them down and keep them off your trail. He is a good and loyal knight to my father, but he is smart enough to realize that you are no threat to me or to Camelot.”
“Your father believes I would harm you?” Merlin asked.
“He believes you have enchanted me to turn me against him.”
“And you don’t believe that?”
“Not even for a second, Merlin.”
They finished eating and Arthur went outside to rinse the plates and the pot in the brook. He handed them back to Merlin where he stood in the open doorway of the hovel. He grinned then turned, heading deep into the forest to look for firewood. Merlin dropped them on the table then followed Arthur.
They returned half an hour later both with arms loaded down with wood and piled it neatly next to the hearth. Merlin put two more logs on the fire then moved to gather Arthur’s wet clothes, hanging them up to dry with his own. Neither of them really felt like talking, but the silence was comfortable.
Merlin sat down on the bed picking up his magic book and opened it. Arthur stood by the window, it had started to rain again, harder than before. As long as the rain kept up they would be safe. There was no possible way for anyone to pick up their trails. Everything was a muddy mess. The brooks and rivers were running high.
Arthur turned his head to look at Merlin and smiled. The smile turned into a chuckle then a hearty laugh that made Merlin look up at him curiously.
“What is so funny?”
“Nothing, just this. I grew up in the castle with everything I could possibly need or want yet I have never felt like this. Complete and utter contentment.” He moved toward the bed sitting down in front of Merlin. “I love Camelot, don’t get me wrong, but I realize now that it isn’t my home, you are.”
“Arthur,” Merlin said shaking his head.
Arthur took the magic book, closed it, then tucked it safely back in Merlin’s bag. He leaned forward lightly brushing his knuckles along Merlin’s cheek.
“I really want to kiss you again,” Arthur smiled.
Merlin closed what little distance there was between them and pressed his lips to Arthur’s in a tender searching kiss. He reached up wrapping his hand around Arthur’s, lacing his fingers through his as the kiss deepened.
“Merlin,” Arthur whispered against his lips.
“Welcome home, Arthur,” Merlin said huskily then laid back on the bed pulling Arthur on top of him. He kissed him harder and deeper, their tongues exploring each other’s mouths. “Gods, I have wanted you for so long,” Merlin moaned as Arthur’s hands slid beneath his tunic.
“Merlin,” Arthur groaned his hand sliding down along Merlin’s side to his hip and then his thigh. It took very little encouragement before the boy’s long legs were wrapped tightly around Arthur’s hips, the heels of his bare feet pressing into the back of his thighs. They moved together, both of them fully hard and desperate for more.
Merlin threw his head back as Arthur’s lips and teeth grazed the skin at the base of his throat. “Need you, Arthur, please…please,” he panted.
Arthur grinned capturing Merlin’s mouth again silencing his pleas as he palmed his arousal through his trousers. “I need you too,” Arthur said looking into Merlin’s eyes, “But have you…before?”
“Not really,” Merlin blushed.
“I’m not going to take you like that, not now, not here,” Arthur said. Merlin whimpered in protest and Arthur chuckled softly. “That doesn’t mean we have to stop what we’re doing,” he grinned nuzzling Merlin’s neck biting at his collarbone.
“Not a chance,” Merlin said reaching between their bodies to deftly unlace both Arthur’s and his own trousers. Before he could do more than that Arthur leaned back bringing Merlin with him holding him in his lap. The firelight illuminated the bruise on Merlin’s jaw.
“I’m so sorry,” Arthur said looking into Merlin’s eyes.
“It’s all right, really,” Merlin smiled.
“But it’s not, I shouldn’t have hit you.”
“Arthur,” Merlin said, “I forgive you.”
“I’m not sure I deserve your forgiveness.”
“Arthur, I don’t blame you, not really. I lied to you.”
“And I understand why you did.”
“Can we please get on with other more urgent needs here, because I am dying?” Merlin asked then kissed Arthur hard.
“Mmm yes, I think so,” Arthur grinned. Merlin leaned back so Arthur could pull his trousers off. “Merlin, it seems you’ve been hiding another big secret,” Arthur teased, and Merlin blushed.
“Are you complaining?”
“Definitely not,” Arthur said, his hand slowly stroking Merlin. The look of sheer bliss on his face, his eyes wide and bright. “You’re beautiful and perfect and I want to take care of you.”
“Arthur…I—I want,” Merlin gasped arching his back as Arthur’s thumb brushed over the head of his cock. “Gods, yes…”
“What do you want, Merlin?” Arthur asked though he already had a pretty good idea what Merlin wanted him to do. “Tell me, and I will do it. Anything you want.”
Merlin’s gaze locked on his, “Please, Arthur…I want your mouth.”
Arthur wagged his eyebrows then lowered his head running his tongue from the base to the tip then encircled the thick head. The sounds coming from Merlin were unlike anything he had ever heard from him before and he wanted more. Arthur took him fully into his mouth and Merlin trembled beneath him his long slender fingers running through Arthur’s hair.
“Arthur…Gods, that feels so good,” Merlin panted.
Arthur drew back releasing him and Merlin cried out in protest which the prince silenced with his mouth. “Merlin,” he moaned against his mouth the moved down kissing his chest his tongue and teeth teasing his hard nipples making Merlin whimper in pleasure. “Good things come to those who wait,” Arthur grinned.
“I’ll wait, I’ll wait,” Merlin laughed breathlessly.
“I always hated that proverb,” Arthur growled then swallowed Merlin whole and the sounds that came from Merlin were heavenly. The prince moaned, hollowing his cheeks as he sucked and licked and nibbled until the boy was writhing on the bed, his hands gripping the blanket, hips thrusting upward to meet Arthur’s mouth.
“Arthur…oh, Arthur, I’m close…” Merlin panted. Arthur took him as far into his mouth as he could and when Merlin tried to shout a warning he sucked harder, and Merlin’s body shuddered, his hips stuttering as Arthur swallowed his seed and caressed his inner thigh through his release. Arthur moved off him and grinned.
“I have to say, it’s a good thing we are in the middle of nowhere right now,” Arthur chuckled licking his length again making Merlin moan.
“It’s not my fault.”
“Actually, I quite like hearing you come apart.”
“That was…holy hell,” Merlin said, “So much better than I ever imagined.”
“Oh really?” Arthur asked with a knowing smirk.
“Shut up, not feeding your ego any more than I already have.”
“Too late, Merlin.”
Merlin moved to straddle Arthur’s lap again kissing him as he wrapped his hand around his hard cock. He rolled his hips forward, never breaking eye contact as he stroked him, slowly at first then faster. Arthur moaned biting his bottom lip when Merlin brought his cock together with his own which was already half hard again.
“Merlin…good lord,” Arthur panted his eyes hooded with pleasure, “Just like that yes, please don’t stop so good.”
Merlin kissed his mouth, shoulder, and neck. “I want you in my mouth,” Merlin said his lips grazing Arthur’s ear. He kissed his way down his chest and over his stomach then took him into his mouth and Arthur’s eyes opened wide as Merlin’s lips wrapped around the head and he took him deep into his throat.
“Mer—Merlin, now…” Arthur lost it then letting out a long low growl his body quivering, every muscle tensing up and he came hard. Merlin moaned swallowing greedily before finally letting Arthur slip from his mouth.
“Did I please you, Sire?” Merlin asked kissing Arthur deeply.
“Most definitely,” Arthur grinned.
“We should get some sleep,” Merlin said.
“So, am I still sleeping on the floor?”
Merlin grinned, “It’s cold, we should really share body heat.”
“You really are very wise,” Arthur said pressing his lips to Merlin’s long slender neck.
“Arthur,” Merlin said, “I need to tell you something.”
“More secrets?” Arthur asked warily.
“No, not really a secret.”
“Well, out with it then.”
“Never mind, it can wait. I need to put more wood on the fire,” Merlin said slipping from Arthur’s grasp to grab a couple more pieces of wood and stoking the flames.
“Merlin?”
Grabbing the blanket from Arthur’s belongings, Merlin spread it on the bed then slid underneath. Arthur drew him close, back to chest, and kissed his shoulder.
“Merlin, what you were going to tell me…I know. I feel the same,” Arthur smiled.
Merlin turned in his embrace to face him his eyes wide and uncertain. “But what if what you think I was going to tell you isn’t what you really think it is?”
“What?” Arthur chuckled.
“Just that you might think you know when you don’t and if that is…”
Arthur put his hand over Merlin’s mouth silencing him. “Merlin, I love you too.”
Merlin’s face lit up with a wide grin. “Really?”
“Yes,” Arthur said softly his finger brushing against his cheek, his thumb gently brushing over his bottom lip. “You are all I need.”
“I love you, Arthur,” Merlin smiled kissing the palm of his hand.
“Get some rest,” Arthur said, “I don’t know how long we will be able to stay here. We need to get you out of Camelot as soon as possible.”