Chapter Text
CHAPTER ONE
“Oppa!” I ran towards the boy who had become like a brother to me. Our families were close, so we often saw each other. He was a couple of years older, but I was the same age as his sister. “Oppa, look!”
He leaned back to frown at the paper I thrust in front of his face, eyes crossing as he tried to figure out what he was looking at.. “It looks nice.” His generic answer didn’t satisfy me, so I wiggled the drawing, hoping he would properly acknowledge me. “Ari…” he sighed. “I have to study. Why don’t you go play with Eun-Yu?”
Eun-Yu was only nice sometimes. There were moments when I knew I wasn’t wanted. She wasn’t shy to tell me how she felt. It was like I was just someone who tagged along with her and her friends. I didn’t like thinking about how true that was. I didn’t really have any friends of my own and it made me sad whenever the siblings couldn’t hang out with me. What was I going to do? It was lonely and I hated being alone.
“Oppa…” I pouted, dropping on to the floor by his chair, the drawing fluttering down beside me. “I’m bored. Eun-Yu doesn’t want to hang out with me. Why are you even studying so much? You’re already so smart!”
He placed a hand on top of my head, but his eyes remained on his textbook. “I want to become a doctor when I grow up. I want to…” He paused.
I looked down, playing with the hem of my shirt, the crude drawing forgotten. “You don’t have to try so hard. It’s okay. You should have fun. I think Eun-Yu wants to spend more time with you, too.”
He didn’t reply, so I silently sat by his side. His presence was comforting. I liked spending time with him, even when we weren’t talking or actively doing anything together.
…
“Oppa!” He was standing outside my classroom with Eun-Yu who looked as if she would rather be anywhere but here. “Look what I got on my test today!”
I proudly displayed the 98 on my paper, revelling in the smile he gave me.
Eun-Yu rolled her eyes, walking ahead as I continued to talk about how I got the highest mark of the class. It was a tough one and I studied very hard for this mark. I was proud of how well I did and since my family hadn’t been home a lot, there was no one else I could talk to.
Both my parents were at work and my brother was on his last year at school. He didn’t talk to me much anymore, spending most of his time with his other friends instead. The age difference made it difficult for us to have much in common.
If Eun-Hyuk’s father didn’t let me stay with them, I would’ve been alone all day and because of my condition, none of them thought that would be a good idea.
Sometimes, I wondered what my life could be like if I was normal like everyone else. Would I be able to eat out with my other friends or have sleepovers? Maybe I could go travelling and explore the world. I didn’t like feeling like a caged bird all the time, but I knew they were doing this for my own good.
I already had several trips to the hospital when I collapsed at home, at school, and even at the Lee Household. It was scary because I knew that one day, I wouldn’t open my eyes again and anything I had planned for my future would be cut short.
Until then, I just wanted to be happy and live out however much time I had left. All I needed to do was stay calm and…
…
“Oppa…?” I opened the door to see Eun-Yu crying and Eun-Hyuk with his hand in hers.
“Can we stay here?” he whisperedm eyes bloodshot as he tried to stay strong for his sister.
I quickly stepped back for them, worried about what could’ve happened.
“What happened? Why were you walking in the rain? You’ll get sick!” I fussed, looking around for fresh towels. “You should’ve called first and dad would drive you here!” But where was their father? Did something happen to him?
Eun-Yu continued to silently cry as she curled up on the couch with a cushion in her arms. “I n-never… want to s-see him again!”
Her brother sat silently with his head in his hands. “He said we had to go to an orphanage because he has no money. He said It was… for our own good.”
I frowned. How could abandoning his children be for their own good? That was a ridiculous notion! My parents would never do that to me! Was Mr. Lee being selfish and only thinking of himself?
“I’d rather be poor together as a family than…” he sighed, rubbing his eyes.
“Ari? Didn’t I tell you never to open the door for stran – “ My mother gasped when she saw the Lee siblings in a state of distress. “What happened?! Are you alright? Ari! Go take Eun-Yu to your room to get changed! I’ll find something for Eun-Hyuk!”
I nodded, scurrying off to pull out the first things I saw in my drawer and gave them to her.
She shakily took them from me and began to peel off her wet clothes.
I didn’t know what to say to her because I knew nothing I said could make things better. They had lost their mother when they were very young and to have their father just abandon them was unthinkable. It was wrong. Mr. Lee always seemed so nice. How could he do this to his own children?
When we came down, Eun-Hyuk was already dressed in brother’s old clothes. They smelled a little musty from being in storage for so long, but he didn’t complain.
“Now, tell me what happened and where is that father of yours?”
Eun-Hyuk told her what he told me. The Lees were bankrupt and Mr. Lee thought the best course of action for them was to drop his children off to the orphanage. As they were supposed to pack, they instead took their backpacks and climbed out the window, running all the way here.
“I’ll go speak to him and give him a piece of my mind!” mother huffed. “Stay here as long as you like! Ari, go make them some hot tea. They’re shivering!”
I nodded, making my way to the kitchen where I moved the stool over to the tea cupboard and chose my favourite tea for them. It always cheered me up, so I hoped that it would do the same for them. I poured water from the hot water dispenser and came back out with the teapot and cups, wobbling a little as I tried not to spill anything.
Eun-Hyuk stood up to help me carry the tray the rest of the way to the table. “Thank you,” he mumbled, sitting back down to pour all three of us a cup.
“I’m supposed to do that!” I exclaimed, worried that mother would see and think I was being a poor host. I sat down beside him and wondered what I should do. “Are you… okay…?” No, that was a terrible question. Of course they weren’t. Why did I have to open my mouth?
“We’ll be fine.” I didn’t know if he was trying to convince me or himself because he looked so distraught that I couldn’t help but wrap my arms around his waist.
“If he doesn’t want you two, I do! You guys can stay here with me!” I looked around Eun-Hyuk to see Eun-Yu look at me with teary eyes. I reached my hand over to her. “I’ll never leave you guys!”
Her lips trembled into a small smile as we held hands, cuddled around Eun-Hyuk.
Unfortunately, my parents weren’t able to adopt the Lee children. They were still legally staying at the orphanage, but my parents were able to convince the caretaker that they could stay as long as they could at my home, which they happily abused. They had to check in daily and sleep there at least twice a week, but other than that, the orphanage was actually happy to not have to support them.
…
“Oppa…” Tears streamed down my face. I couldn’t stop them even if I tried. I must’ve looked disgusting, but his words kept repeating over and over again in my head.
“I received a call from Police Chief Kang. There was a break in and… and your parents were caught in the crossfire. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Ari…”
He held me close, stroking my hair as I continued to wail. How could this have happened? Why did they have to break into my home? There were so many around us, why did they choose mine?!
I was glad that they already caught the burglar, but it wasn’t enough. Nothing would ever bring them back and the worst thing was, they were never supposed to be home.
It was because they had planned a surprise birthday party for me. They took the day off to decorate and prepare all the food for my arrival. If I wasn’t born, would things have turned out differently for them? Would they have been happier? I was nothing but a curse for them – a burden they kindly carried for seventeen years.
“Wh-What am I going to d-do without th-them?” I gasped for air. My world had been turned upside down by two short sentences. Would it be better if I joined them? Brother was never home anyway. He wouldn’t miss me. He wouldn’t have to take responsibility for me.
He moved out right after graduating and was working at a well paying job. I knew once he was told what happened, he would also blame me and he had every right to do so.
What had I even accomplished? I wasn’t smart like him or Eun-Hyuk. I didn’t have any hidden talents like Eun-Yu.
I was a burden to society.
I drained the healthcare system.
I was a parasite.
I wanted to die.
“You can stay with us. I’m looking at apartments that are closer to my school. Once both of you graduate, we can move there together. I’ll take care of you,” he promised, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead.
“I’ll just be a burden to you, too,” I whispered. “I’m useless. I’m a ticking time bomb.”
“Don’t ever say that again,” he scolded, frowning deeply at my words. “You’re like a sister to me. I will always try my hardest to take care of you. Not only that, your family was willing to take us in when we had nowhere to go. I have to return the favour.”
I wasn’t worth it, but I selfishly let him take care of me, happy that I didn’t have to be alone to deal with this.
“Oppa… do you…” I paused. The skip in my chest was a warning. “I – I… I need to…”
He acted quickly, catching me as I swayed and gently lowered me on to the floor.
The clench in my chest tightened.
It hurt.
It hurt.
I tried to calm myself down, but the more air I gulped in, the worse it got. My vision began to darken.
“I need an ambulance!” I vaguely heard him shout into his phone. “Right now! She has a heart condition!”
My eyes began to roll back. He sounded so far away.
“Oppa…”
…
I woke up in the hospital. Eun-Yu was listening to music by the bed. Her eyes were closed, but I knew she was imagining her dance routine. She was very good at it.
“You finally woke up,” she sneered without opening her eyes. “Do you know how annoying it is to wait here? There’s nothing to me to do. How many times are you going to do that to me?”
Despite her harsh words, I knew she meant well. She wouldn’t have stayed if she didn’t care. She just had a mean exterior to protect herself because she was an orphan.
“I’m sorry…” I reached over to her hand.
Her eyes finally opened and I could see unshed tears in them. “Are you… okay? Aunty and uncle…”
“I…” No, I wasn’t okay, but what could I even do? They were gone. Had anyone tried to call my brother? Maybe he would finally come home. “I’m managing…”
I loved my parents and I knew they loved me too, but they were rarely home because of work. It was partially my fault. Healthcare here was good, but I required a lot of extra things that were not covered. If Eun-Hyuk and Eun-Yu weren’t always with me, they’d have to hire an additional caretaker. That would be more financial burden on them.
That was all I ever was.
They never had any expectations for me because they knew I was weak and probably didn’t have long to live. All they wanted was for me to be happy and I was. I had a good family and wonderful friends. I tried my hardest in school to make them proud, but…
None of that mattered anymore.
They were dead.
They had died because of me.
They died because I was born.
“Ari?”
When I opened my eyes again, Eun-Yu was gone, replaced by her brother. He had a hand on my forehead. I must’ve dozed off.
“Oppa…?”
The tears were in my eyes again and I tried to comfort myself with his embrace. If I lost either of them, I wouldn’t know how to keep going.
“I’ll take care of you,” he promised. “I’ll become a doctor, earn a lot of money, and find a way to cure you.”
I smiled through my tears. “I believe in you.”
Once the doctor authorised my discharge, I found it difficult to return home. The police had already cleared out all the evidence and Eun-Hyuk had hired someone to clean up whatever remained of the incident, but just the thought of living here now was like being stuck in a nightmare. The constant reminder that they were never going to come back was agonising.
How was I supposed to do this?
Why couldn’t there be a book I could read that would tell me everything?
“Can we leave?” I quietly asked Eun-Hyuk several days after the funeral.
My brother never replied to my texts or voice messages. He had disappeared and although I didn’t want him to come back to a sold house, I couldn’t bring myself to stay here anymore.
Eun-Hyuk put down his book and pushed his glasses up. “Where do you want to go?”
“Away,” I mumbled. We had initially decided to stay here a little longer because there wasn’t anywhere else to go. Eun-Hyuk was old enough to live on his own and take his sister with him. It seemed like a good solution at first, but I couldn’t keep dreaming about them. “Out of this house. Can we live somewhere else? We can sell this place and go anywhere. You said you wanted to move closer to school, right? Eun-Yu and I are going to graduate soon. I’ve… I’ve applied to the same school as you, so…”
His eyes softened. “If that’s what you want. We can move anywhere you want. I’ll start looking now.”
I called for Eun-Yu to inform her of my decision. She wasn’t surprised and after her ankle injury, she had withdrawn away from her other friends. Maybe it was best that we both had a fresh start.
…
In the end, we decided to keep the house, but sold some of the furniture for extra cash. My parents had saved a bit of money over the years in case of emergencies, so we were able to rent another place.
Green Home Mansion Appartment.
The name was promising, but the property looked rundown. Fortunately, it was close to Eun-Hyuk’s school, so there were some perks. I was also starting my first year there, but Eun-Yu wasn’t interested. She was looking into possible positions to teach ballet. That was always going to be her first and true love.
“Ah… Ari! How are you today?” Mr. Kim the security guard asked as I was coming back from school. “Where are your siblings?”
Everyone at the apartment assumed I was their sister. It was easier to just go along with it than try to correct them and reveal what happened to my parents.
“Eun-Hyuk is still at school. He’s tutoring today and Eun-Yu is…” I wasn’t actually sure where she had gone, but she was already out of the apartment in the morning.
“I see… It is strange seeing you alone,” he chuckled.
I smiled. “They’re very overprotective. I promised oppa I would go straight here after school or he’d never let me leave.”
It took a lot of convincing, but I told him I was just going back here and text him every half an hour. He wasn’t happy with the arrangement, but knew that it was impossible for us to be together all day every day when we needed a source of income.
“He’s a good brother – smart and hardworking. I’m sure you’re a very proud sister.”
I nodded. “Of course. He’s the best!”
I looked down at my phone. “I should get going now. Have a good day!”
“Take care!” Mr. Kim waved at me.
I waved back at him and promptly bumped into another resident who was on their phone. “Sorry!”
He nodded his head with a smile. “It’s fine.”
Once I was home, I relaxed on the couch, making sure to text him regularly and even reached out to Eun-Yu. I didn’t know where she was, but she messaged me back to tell me that she was safe, so I passed on the message to Eun-Hyuk.
I began to cook dinner with the television on. There seemed to be some sort of virus being passed around. There were people arguing that it was because of 5G internet or a government conspiracy, something to control the citizens.
There were such strange people out there. Everything seemed to be a conspiracy for them.
I changed the channel to lighten the mood with a cartoon.
“I’m home!”
A wide smile spread across my face. “Oppa!”