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In front of him sat a cupcake. Vanilla cake with pink frosting, with a single candle. It was dark, he could barely see it in front of him, so he reached for the lighter. Maybe the light, maybe seeing the pity cupcake he bought for himself will make him feel better.
He fumbled for the lighter, opening it and clicking for the flame. He reached to the candle and held it close till it sparked alive.
In the light he felt even more pathetic, he never usually did this for himself, but Chuuya insisted he do something for himself since he couldn’t be here.
He really didn’t think it would bother him this much. Chuuya had told him that he wouldn’t be home till tomorrow morning.
He’s gone soft, the cupcake with a single candle in front of him as the evidence. He reached for the note that Chuuya left him, the front was something he’s sure Chuuya didn’t really think about before buying.
He lips quirked up at the corners, not a smile, but as close as he could really get right now. He opened the card for probably the eighth time that night, inside were words in sharpie.
‘Congrats you lived another year!
Sorry I won’t be back till later.’ Period
Chuuya even drew a little crab with a party hat on and maracas in its claws. It was cute, bringing that same not-smile back to his face.
He read the words over and over again, hoping to read it differently each time. He sighed and put the card down and accepting defeat.
He put his head down, his nose and mouth shoved into the cove of his arms, his face was close to the candle, he could feel the slight heat radiating off of it. He could see the wax melting, slowly dripping down the candle stick.
He looked at the clock on their wall, straining his eyes to see the time past the glare of the candle light on the glass.
12:54
Huh, he really had been sitting here with an un-lit candle for 2 hours. He had only lit it ten-ish minutes ago though.
Childlike hope filled him, that maybe Chuuya would arrive, at 12:59. Maybe he would hug him, kiss him, hold his face and twist his fingers into his curls.
Kiss his cheeks, squish them. (It was honestly Chuuyas favorite thing, Dazai still had a baby face)
He turned his face from the clock to the door, silent anticipation, his foot tapping against the hardwood floors,
He fiddled with the bandages on his arms, fraying them at the edges.
Then he could hear the slight tick from the clock, he looked and it was 12:59.
He chuckled, he wasn’t mad, not at Chuuya. More at himself for being this pathetic, he should’ve just went to bed.
He turned to the candle, putting his head down again. The wax by now had dripped to the frosting, not that Dazai was gonna eat it anyway.
He lifted his mouth and blew out the candle, a puff of grey smoke lifted up into the air. The clocked ticked, 1:00 am.
He had never celebrated his birthday before Chuuya, but this was a different kind of disappointment. He never felt the pressure in his sternum like this before, let alone on his birthday.
Chuuya really brought out the worst in him.
He waited for a few more minutes, not for Chuuya, no that fantasy was long forgotten. He thinks maybe he stayed to wallow for a moment.
Then he picked himself up, pushing himself up by his arms then standing. He stretched his arms up and behind his shoulders, he had been sitting their for far too long.
He walked over to the bedroom, not even giving a second glance towards the table. He flopped in their ridiculously large bed with their even more ridiculously expensive sheets.
He pulled the covers over his head. He always had trouble sleeping, but he felt too exhausted to play the game that is his sleep schedule.
His eyes watered when he shut them, not from tears or sadness, more from keeping his eyes open for too long, staring at the damn candle
and now we wait
————————————————————————-——————————————————————
Chuuya unlocked the door, dropping his keys with the speed he was attempting to open the door with.
”Shit, stupid motherfucking…” which devolved into angry muttering. He finally got the door open after what seems like hours. He was too tired for this, but he couldn’t go to sleep, not just yet.
Mori knew what he was doing sending Chuuya on that mission on such a specific date, the thought made him grit his teeth.
He carried in a present and a bouquet of flowers (red camellias to be exact) their meaning didn’t match up to what Chuuya wanted- needed to say. But they were Dazais favorite. And right now that’s all that really mattered.
He took his coat off and his shoes, then looked around. He saw their living room, the kitchen. It looked the exact same as Chuuya left it. Except one thing, there was a cupcake on their dining room table.
He walked over, leaning down to look at the cupcake. The candle was melted to high heaven, it had clearly been burned for a while. Wax had dripped and hardened on the frosting, he sighed, picking up the cupcake and throwing it in the trash.
He picked up his gifts and slowly padded to their bedroom, pausing in the doorway to stare.
Dazai was angelic, truly the most beautiful person he had ever seen. He had his arms folded, one arm towards the headboard, one in front of him. And his hair, Chuuya could never get over his hair. Chuuyas own hair was curly, curlier than your average persons, but Dazais hair was a new level. It stuck out in all different directions, each loc a different pattern, no one curl the same as the next. His long ass eyelashes fluttering as he slept, the small beauty mark under his left eye, his baby face. Chuuya wants to touch him, squish him till Dazai pushes him away, till he covers his face to hide the blush.
Chuuyas staring obviously roused Dazai from his slumber, he eyes slowly blinked open with drowsiness. He didn’t even notice Chuuya.
well that won’t do.
Without warning, Chuuya flopped onto Dazai, Dazai letting out a squeak, now staring at Chuuya, wide awake now.
Chuuya stared back, smiling ruefully. Dazai stared for a good long time before smiling, and Chuuya snapped.
He pulled Dazai by his neck and brought him in for a kiss. And they stayed like that, lips slowly moving against each other, a peacefulness. Dazai sighed in contentment when Chuuya brought his hands to the base of his neck, twisting his fingers into long curls, caressing his face.
Chuuya pulled away, chewing his words for a moment.
“Happy Birthday Osamu.” He said, he voice filled with an emotion that Dazai couldn’t identify just yet,
Dazai rolled his eyes with a chuckle, “Chuuya must have his dates mixed up, it’s the twentieth silly!”
Guilt, it was guilt. Guilt went from his voice to his face, his smile and eyes dropping.
”I’m sorry. I wish I could’ve… well I wish a lot, but I wish I could’ve at the very least been here.”
“No it’s alright, really-“
Chuuya grabbed Dazais face, “No, no it’s not. I’ll make it up to you I promise.”
Dazai felt the crinkle of something on his side, he turned his gaze to it, “Well it appears you already have.” He smiled, reaching for the flowers and feeling the texture in his fingers.
Chuuya chuckled, “Aaaaandddd…” he drawled as he reached for the boxed present, “this.”
Dazais eyes went wide, Chuuya pulled himself and Dazai up into a sitting position, “Open it” Chuuya said with a smile.
Dazai looked at Chuuya, “…I don’t want to.”
It was Chuuyas time to look surprised, “Well-“
”Ruin it,” Dazai finished, “I don’t want to ruin it.”
Chuuya covered his mouth, small spurts of laughter leaving his mouth. He couldn’t keep the grin off of his face, “You won’t ruin it, the whole point of a present is it open it.” He pointed out through laughter.
Dazais eyes fixed between Chuuya and the box, “But the outside is so pretty,” Dazai mumbled. It really wasn’t anything special, it had blue wrapping paper and a yellow ribbon, but it was more than Dazai could have ever hoped for.
”How bout…I get a random box, wrap it and put a nice ribbon around it, and that one you can keep?” Chuuya offered.
Dazai smiled and nodded, and reached to undo the ribbon, carefully undoing it and setting the ribbon down next to him.
He picked at the edge of the paper, and with a sigh ripped it. He set the paper down on the floor and opened the box.
Considering how large the box was and how small the gift was, it really wasn’t proportional.
Dazais eyes went wide and he pulled out a frame, it was faced down. He flipped it over and gasped.
It was a photo from the last time it snowed, Chuuya was in a scarf, a thick black coat and a beanie, Dazai in a sweater and a coat with earmuffs on.
It Chuuya was holding the camera high, smiling. Right behind him was Dazai, bent over to get in the frame. He had his hands flat underneath his face, a familiar pose. He was smiling aswell. He remembers that day, they went for a walk in the snow, Dazai ended up slipping and falling on his ass. He remembers Chuuyas laughter, he reached his hand out to help Dazai up, but Dazai ended up pulling him down aswell, into the thick and cold snow.
Dazai was brought out of his thoughts when he heard Chuuyas voice, “If you don’t like it it’s fine, I just thought…” he sighed, “Well it seems stupid now, but we don’t have any pictures of us that are framed. So maybe we could-“ Dazai cut off Chuuya rambling with a kiss, he cradled the photo in his arms. Pulling away from Chuuya, he smiled.
“Best present i’ve ever gotten”
“Really?” Chuuya said hopefully.
“Oh easily.”
Chuuya laughed, leaning in for a tight hug.
“I love you osamu”
Dazai hummed, “I love you too Chuuya”