Chapter Text
Marriage was a beautiful concept to Felix. Happiness, laughter, and love spread everywhere as soon as this union between two people was announced. So Felix could not stop smiling as he sat at the wedding venue for one of the producers in JYPE.
Felix and the other members sat on a round table facing the altar and were swaying to the music as the bride made her way to the front, and Felix couldn't be happier for them. But at the same time, he couldn't stop his eyes from lingering on the long-haired male sitting in front of him.
Hyunjin was facing away from Felix, so he could only make out his side profile, but he could imagine that Hyunjin wore the dreamiest expression as he watched the bride finally get on top of the altar.
Hyunjin was in love with the idea of love itself, so finding that expression on his face would not surprise Felix.
And Felix couldn't stop staring at him wistfully, imagining him and Hyunjin standing on top of that altar instead. Wearing a fancy traditional white tux that Hyunjin would have probably selected with much thought and care. Both of them holding flowers because Hyunjin loves flowers and what they symbolize. Exchanging matching rings that Hyunjin would have designed for both because Felix knows that Hyunjin would love everything that involved using his creativity and art.
So after staring at Hyunjin for a while, he closed his eyes for a few seconds and smiled as he ran those lovely scenes repeatedly in his mind.
"I do," Felix heard the bride and groom state, and Felix also whispered the same promise in his daydream.
After fluttering his eyes open, Felix did not know what he was expecting to see. Maybe he was expecting Hyunjin to be still staring at the married couple with the same dreamlike expression. Or maybe, just maybe, he wanted Hyunjin to turn around and look at Felix instead. But instead of all that, he saw Hyunjin looking away from the altar and staring at the table beside them with the same dreamlike, fond expression.
Bracing himself, Felix followed Hyunjin's gaze. And maybe he shouldn't have, he could have avoided the heartbreak and tears, but Felix couldn't help but be curious. And his eyes finally landed on the girl Hyunjin was staring at with such adoration.
Shin Ryujin.
He was staring at Itzy's Ryujin.
And reality finally came crashing down on Felix.
Hyunjin is straight. Hyunjin isn't gay. Hyunjin didn't like boys that way. Hyunjin liked girls.
Felix isn't straight. Felix is gay. Felix liked Hyunjin. Felix didn't like girls that way.
Hyunjin was in love with love itself, but he wasn't into the love that Felix was into. Hyunjin will never be into the type of love that Felix loves.
And so, with that sickening reality creeping back into him, Felix took a big, shuddering breath and looked away from Ryujin.
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Felix spent the entire night at the reception, trying to forget that whole scene from his head. He imagined Hyunjin's expression, put that into an imaginary file, and tossed that file into the trash can he had conjured up in his brain.
Felix sighed. He knew he shouldn't forget it. He knew he should come to terms with the fact that he was in love with a boy who would never love him back like that. He knew that this would finally help him move on from Hyunjin. But he couldn't help but crush hard, which meant ignoring this heartbreak and whatever happened during this wedding. And so he couldn't help but imagine crumpling up that memory and throwing it out into the imaginary trash can.
Currently, the music was pumping, the lights were strobing, and everyone was out on the dance floor.
Felix sat at his table, slowly sipping his drink as he looked around at anything and anyone but Hyunjin. But as soon as his eyes landed on anyone else, his eyes would dart back to Hyunjin...who was already glowing and shining with sweat. The members were all dancing with each other, and they had asked Felix to join earlier, but he had declined on the basis of feeling tired.
And so with nothing else to do, he sat there staring at the members, and Felix could notice from even a few feet away that even though Hyunjin was dancing with the other members, he kept glancing elsewhere. He was looking at someone that was not one of the members.
Felix didn't dare look at who he was staring at. He didn't want to repeat the same mistake from earlier. He didn't want to look. He probably didn't need to look to know who Hyunjin wished to dance with instead.
But Hyunjin wasn't stupid; cameras were flashing everywhere. Even though this was a private event, it doesn't mean some photos wouldn't be released everywhere. And if a picture of a male idol dancing with a female idol were released, their entire world would turn upside down. Delusional Stays and Midzys would probably come at them with flaming pitchforks.
But Hyunjin was definitely acting stupid right now by staring at her out so openly. Anyone in the venue, looking at Hyunjin, could tell what was keeping his attention away from the members.
So, Felix sighed, took a final sip of his drink, got up, and walked towards Hyunjin.
He flung his hand around Hyunjin's shoulder and forced the other's body to turn sideways towards Felix instead. Hyunjin tore his gaze away, looked at Felix with mild irritation, and was about to say something, but Felix cut him off.
"Don't be dumb," Felix stated.
"What?" Hyunjin just furrowed his eyebrows at that.
"I am pretty sure those people over there are Stays," Felix said and pointed in the direction of a couple of people looking at them with the most starstruck expressions. "So don't be dumb."
Hyunjin looked at who Felix was pointing at, and as soon as the two boys gazed at them, they squealed. Hyujin shot them a smile and turned to Felix with a frown.
"How am I being dumb?" he asked.
"You keep on openly staring at her," Felix said as he started to sway along with the music while also keeping eye contact with Hyunjin.
"Her?" Hyunjin started to pale at that. "I don't know what you are talking about."
"Oh please," Felix rolled his eyes as he saw Hyunjin squirming in place and looking anywhere but Felix's eyes.
Felix knew he was uncomfortable with the conversation, but Felix was feeling a little mean after getting his heart broken earlier today. "With the way you spent the entire time just staring at her, I am pretty sure there's no one in the room who doesn't know you don't like her."
Hyunjin finally looked up at Felix, staring at him with wide eyes.
Deny it. Deny what I just said. Keep on lying if you have to. Please. Just do whatever it takes to make me believe that you don't like her that way. Please keep on lying .
Felix kept saying that to himself, begging Hyunjin in a silent plea not to break his heart even more.
He didn't even know what he was doing by talking about this in the middle of the dance floor. And he doubted anyone would have noticed Hyunjin stealing glances at her. He was pretty sly about it, and only people who knew him would have taken notice of his eyes lingering away. But here Felix was, accusing him of just that, even though he wanted it to be anything but that.
Deny it. Please.
"Was it that obvious?" Hyunjin asked nervously.
Fuck.
Felix swallowed, broke his eye contact, and looked down at the floor when his stomach started to feel anything but okay.
Why couldn't you have just continued lying?
"You should be glad those Stays didn't bring cameras," Felix said after schooling his thoughts and facial expressions and looked up to make eye contact again. "Or else you would have landed on Dispatch right away. What would it be titled? 'Hyunjin and Ryunjin Caught Dating at a Wedding'?" Felix needs to shut up; he is saying everything he doesn't ever want to be true.
Hyunjin flailed his arms around and used his hand to cover Felix's mouth.
"Shhh!" Hyunjin placed his hand over Felix's mouth and looked around frantically to check if anyone had heard him.
But all Felix could think was that he was right; it was Shin Ryunjin that Hyunjin was so busy staring at. He basically admitted to that by acting so frantic at the mere mention of her name.
"We aren't dating!" Hyunjin leaned in closer and whispered loudly to Felix. Felix just furrowed his eyebrows at that, not saying anything because Hyunjin's hand was still covering his mouth.
Felix did know for sure that Hyunjin wasn't dating her. Hyunjin was the type of guy that would never be able to date or like anyone secretly. Hyunjin was the type of guy that would brag about his lover to everyone he met, incapable of hiding his love for them. If he could, he would go around exclaiming his love for the entire world to see. So Felix knew for sure that he wasn't dating her right now because he was confident that Stays or Dispatch would have noticed immediately because of Hyunjin's lack of subtlety regarding whatever or whoever he loved.
But Hyunjin saw Felix furrowing his eyebrow at him and took that as Felix not believing him.
"We really aren't! I am not lying!" He exclaimed again.
Felix just stared at him silently as Hyunjin kept on frantically looking around to see if anyone, including the members, had heard him or not. Even while he looked so freaked out, even if it was Felix himself that was acting so mean to him right now, Felix couldn't help but stare at the sweat that collected near his neck, dropping down his shirt. Felix couldn't help but admire how incredibly handsome he looked in the strobing light, especially because he was standing so close to him. Felix had always told Hyunjin that he liked how he smelled, and that scent right now was amplified. And the hand covering his mouth was not helping him at all.
Satisfied that no one had heard him and that none of the members were looking at him, he leaned even closer to Felix.
Felix's heartbeat started to speed up as some of Hyunjin's hair brushed against his cheekbone. But Hyunjin had no clue what sort of effect he was having on Felix and whispered, "but I wish I was dating her."