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The look on his face behind his sunglasses would've been comical had his heart not been in the process of shattering. The words echoed in his head and the world around him suddenly seemed to be moving in slow motion, only serving to cruelly drag out his physical and emotional agony.
"Who is she? Or is it....is it another guy?"
His mouth already hanging open, he tried to speak but his voice failed him. He closed it, cleared his throat and swallowed hard as if he could swallow down the burning shame that had him laying in bed every night as his demons taunted him about the beautiful man he was now standing across from.
Seth. His Seth. His beautiful Seth who was currently staring at him with huge chocolate eyes that were filled with love and betrayal and tried to so hard to be cold. But they couldn't be. Nothing about the man or his heart was cold. It was warm and gentle and loved with everything it had and was breaking before his very eyes.
Just like you break everything. You never deserved him. Now he knows it.
He shook his head in an effort to quiet the beast and forced himself to speak, "What are you taking about? There's no one else. There could never be anyone else..."
The laugh that came out of the man was filled with such bitterness it felt like a cold blade was pierced through his chest. "I'm not stupid, Danny. I know there's something going on. There's been too many nights you still weren't home when I went to bed, no matter how late it was and too many mornings you were up and gone no matter how early I woke up. I've been an idiot. I made so many excuses for you." His voice fades to practically a whisper, "But I never thought you'd cheat on me. I never thought you of all people would hurt me like this..."
If Danny's heart was shattering before, it was splinting into microscopic bits now, "Seth, I swear to you there's no one else. You are my world. My heart. My-
"Shut up!" The shout that came out of Seth actually made Danny take a step back. He'd never heard such rage and pain come out of his boyfriend before.
It was only a matter of time. You were destined to break his heart. It's your own fault. You don't belong to him, you belong to me.
Seth's tirade continued, his voice getting louder, "Stop it! Just fucking stop it all! What is wrong with you? How can you do this to me? Look at you, you don't even have the decency to look at me. If you're going to lie to my fucking face, you're damn well going to look me in the eye and do it!" With that, his hand flew out and ripped the sunglasses off Danny's face who immediately lowered his head, blinking and shading his eyes from the light in the room. "Now lie to me! Tell me there's no one else! Tell me you...." his voice broke as he spat the words out, "love me."
Danny's voice cracked with as much pain as his lover's as he lifted his head a little but kept his eyes downcast, "Seth please...I do love you, you know that. I've always loved you and I always will. I will swear on anything that there is no one else." He shivered despite the heat boiling up inside him, making him feel like he was cooking from the inside out. He'd been too long without and not long enough.
In utter contrast, Seth's voice was pure ice when he spoke, "I said, look me in the eye when you lie to me!" In a move that shocked Havoc, he stalked over to stand in front of Danny and grabbed a handful of dark hair, yanking his head back. Then it was the two toned man's turn to be shocked.
Seth had spent hours looking into Danny's eyes. Seeing his love, their past, their future but he'd never seen them like this. They were so dilated, the usual warm brown appeared black which only made the contrast of the whites being a painful bloodshot red more stark.
Danny blinked repeatedly as those eyes filled up with tears that only served to burn the redness instead of soothe it (Only one thing soothes you, Havoc and it's not him. It'll never be him) as Seth stared at him horrified, releasing the grip he had on his hair, "Danny, what's wrong with you?"
Danny stepped back and lowered his head again, unable to bear the look on his love's face seeing him like this.
Look at him. Look at the disgust on his face. You tried to hide me and look where's it gotten you? Right here, facing the man you were selfish enough to let care about you. You knew how this was going to end, Danny. You knew you could only hurt him. You don't deserve his love and he finally knows it.
"Nothing. Nothing, I'm fine. It's just....allergies..." He trailed off weakly and Seth took hold of his chin, gentler this time, and forced their eyes to lock, "Danny, I know there's something going on. Please stop lying to me. Are....are you sick?"
The worry on Seth's face made Danny's stomach churn more it already was. He wanted to pull away. He wanted to pull away and leave and never come back. He knew that was the right thing to do. He knew this day was going to come but for the first time in years, he'd had hope. He had something stronger than the beast's hunger. Seth's love made him feel like anything was possible but like he'd done with everyone stupid enough to love him in the past, he failed him.
He opened his mouth, the denials and outright lies ready to tumble forth. But when he spoke, he was stunned by what came out, "I tried to warn you. I tried to stop you..." He rubbed at his arm as the tears that had been threatening finally spilled over, "You're so good. You're like this beautiful, brilliant pure light and I'm filth. I'm stuck in the dark and I hoped...I hoped if I got close enough....if I loved you enough then maybe.....maybe it would leave me alone..."
The scratching increased as Seth looked at Danny, a mix of confusion and fear on his face, "Danny, you're not making any sense." He cupped his cheek, looking past the bridge piercing into those agony filled red eyes, "You're sick. I think we need to get you to a doctor, ok?"
"No!" The response came so quickly and so vehemently, it startled them both and Danny dropped to his knees, sobbing, clutching and clawing at his arm through his sleeve, "It's too late for me. Just go."
Danny would've gotten on his knees to beg...if he wasn't there already that is...to plead, to do anything to save Seth. He looked up at the love of his life and whispered, "Go. Please just go. Run from me and don't look back. Please Seth, I'm trying to do the right thing. I'm trying to make up for being so selfish. Get away while you still can. It already got me. I can't let it get you too."
Seth knelt in front of him and reached to wipe away some of the tears pouring down Danny's cheek, "What got you? Baby, you're not making any sen-" He stopped mid-sentence when something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. He gently took Danny's hand in his and lifted the scratching one away, sucking in a deep breath at the blood seeping through his shirt. Steadying himself and gripping Danny's hand tightly so he couldn't pull it away, he carefully pushed up his sleeve.
The sight that greeted him flooded him with anguish and a sick understanding. Danny had so many scars, Seth barely noticed them anymore but this was different. How could he have not seen this? Had he simply not wanted to?
The blood was coming from the scabs that had been torn open by Danny's nervous tick, the inside of his forearm dotted with puncture marks. Some nearly healed, some scarred and some, Seth realized as his heart sank, so fresh they couldn't have been more than a couple hours old.
Danny lifted his head, his eyes filled with absolute terror, "The beast."
"You're using." It was whispered with the hope that if it was said outloud, this nightmare would end and he'd wake up, safe in the arms of his dream man. But the words did nothing but validate what he was looking at. The man he loved, who he planned to spend the rest of his life with was a drug addict. Part of him was filled with relief and part almost wished there had been someone else. But when he tore his gaze away from the blood to meet Danny's eyes, his breath hitched in his throat. They were filled with so much fear. He'd never seen Danny afraid before and considering he made his living falling off high things onto sharp things as a deathmatch wrestler, that was really saying something. But here he was, on his knees, shaking, babbling nearly incoherently that Seth needed to get away from him, that he needed to save him from the beast and Seth's heart broke for the second time that day.
"Shh, baby ssh. There's no beast, ok? There's nothing to save me from. This is a disease and we're going to get you better. I promise." Hot tears fell from Seth's eyes as he watched Danny squeeze his shut. He was muttering faintly under his breath and the struggle going on in the man's mind was brutally obvious. When Danny suddenly clamped his hands over his ears and began to shout, "SHUT UP!", Seth felt like all the air had been sucked out of his lungs and one thought screamed though his brain: He was losing him.
"Like hell I will." He grabbed Danny's hands, pulling them down and squeezing both tightly between his knees then took hold of his face as firmly but gently as he could, repeating his name until Danny finally opened his bleary, unfocused eyes.
Seth stared into them and began to talk, not knowing what he was going to say until the words came out, "Listen to me. You can't have him. I waited and searched my entire fucking life for this man and I am not about to lose him now. You can try to fill his head with lies and for every one you tell him, I will tell him how much I love him and remind him how much goodness and light there is in him. I won't let you prey on his fears anymore. He's stronger than you are and he's not fighting you on his own anymore. If you want Danny, you gotta go through me to get him."
Danny blinked at Seth until the world came back into focus then threw his arms around him, holding on as if for dear life, "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."
Seth held him tight, cooing softly in his ear, "It's ok, baby. I've got you. I've always got you. We're going to get you better. You and I are going to slay the beast and then live happily ever after. Nothing is ever going to take you from me. If you go to hell, I'll follow you in and bring you back home."
They stayed kneeling together like that for an hour, maybe more. Until the tears stopped flowing and the blood stopped flowing and the only voice in Danny's head belonged to Seth, telling him about the future they were going to have together and how happy they were going to be. As he huddled in Seth's protective embrace, he let himself close his eyes, exhaustion washing over him along with something he hadn't felt in years: peace. As the darkness of sleep claimed him, the last thing he heard was Seth's custom ringtone as his phone rang.
Don’t get too close, it’s dark inside. It’s where my demons hide, it’s where my demons hide.