Chapter Text
1
The first time hardly counts.
Yusuke and Kuwabara had been left to their own devices in the hotel room; Kurama and Hiei were both off training or whatever, and the Masked Fighter had sniffed scornfully at their antics and left shortly after the two teens started roughhousing. It was really just a matter of time before they started having dick-measuring contests, all things considered.
Just, uh… literally in this case.
Yusuke doesn't remember the exact sequence of events that lead to him and carrot top undoing their belts– but he talks mad shit the whole time, running his mouth the way only Yusuke Urameshi can. Kuwabara was all bark and no bite, his shoe size didn't mean jack shit, et cetera and so on.
Of course…he has to eat his words once their pants are actually down.
There's a moment of silence as the two teenagers look between themselves– and then Kuwabara throws his head back and absolutely crows with laughter.
"Fuck off! I'm a grower, not a shower!" Yusuke grouses, shoving his (perfectly above average) dick back into his boxers in shame-faced defeat.
Between Kuwabara cackling, and the blood rushing in Yusuke's ears as he backpedals, neither of them hears the lock on the door turning.
Or the door opening.
Hiei wanders into the room a little ways before he looks up, flexing his burnt right hand distractedly. Thank gods it isn't the girls, at least, or the two of them would have a lot of explaining to do (…probably after Yusuke got his ass beat by Keiko). His face goes through a series of expressions as he takes in the scene: surprise, confusion, revulsion…and then Hiei's typical irritated mask slides over it all.
Yusuke yanks his trousers up so fast, the crotch seam rides into his ass. "We were– we– It's not what it looks like!!" He scrambles, tying his belt at lightspeed. Kuwabara's also fumbling to get himself situated, even though the damage has clearly already been done.
Hiei's just staring at them.
Then– he turns on his heel and marches right back out of the room, ignoring the increasingly frantic excuses shouted at his back.
The door closes again with a judgemental click.
Yusuke still has his hand outstretched, as if willing the moody demon to come back and listen could make it so. He drops his arm and hangs his head in defeat. "Dammit! He probably thinks we were doing something!"
Kuwabara– in spite of his pale, freckly complexion being roughly the shade of molten lava– shrugs exaggeratedly and bends down to collect his jacket. "Nah, I think he was just surprised. I would be, too," he adds pridefully. "Not every day you get to see–"
"–Dude, shut up! Y'know size stops being a good thing after a certain point, right?"
"Psh, you're just jealous!"
Even though they know they weren't 'being gay' or whatever, the atmosphere in the room is decidedly too weird to stay and goof off with just the two of them any more. Yusuke starts shoving his socks on to head out and punch a tree, or something.
"Hey," Kuwabara pipes up while he's tying his shoes. When he looks over– half ready to shut down more of the guy's boasting about his huge dick– carrot top has a conspiratory look on his face. "Y'think shorty's proportionate?"
There's a pause…and then Yusuke starts busting a gut, once he realizes what he's implying.
Just like that, the awkward tension in the room evaporates. "I dunno," he snickers, "Why don't you ask him and find out?"
"Hell no! You saw what he did to the last guy that pissed him off!!"
2
Yusuke nearly gets his jaw busted the second time. They're fighting a group of no-name rabble, some demons who apparently decided the bloodbaths of the Dark Tournament were just the pregame. Best to nip that shit in the bud, so the gang got called together to deal with them.
Yusuke does a fucking majestic running leap to take down one of their targets, trying to make a break for it. He catches him in the back with his legs and follows the scaly bastard to the ground, shouting a triumphant, "Gotcha!"
In the second Yusuke looks up from putting the guy in a headlock– seeing how the rest are doing, where their other targets are, what his position is– several things happen.
He sees Hiei's sword get knocked out of his hand, and the fire demon's lips twist in annoyance. Shorty was already ticked that he got roped into helping 'clean up' after the Tournament, so it's unsurprising that he immediately goes for good old-fashioned fisticuffs, instead of fetching his blade.
What is surprising (at least, judging by the look on Hiei's face) is how his opponent retaliates. The thing is, these guys aren't martial artists or professional fighters like they'd been up against– like they'd gotten used to going up against– at the Tournament. There's no referee here, no one around to call the cheap shots. So when the guy he's up against kicks his leg up between Hiei's, it catches the fire demon completely off-guard. Yusuke winces, muscles clenching sympathetically, as Hiei gets racked hard enough to make his feet leave the freakin' ground.
There's a split second of stunned surprise; he one hundred percent expects his comrade to crumple, because that? That was a first-class fucking ballbuster, right there.
But, in a shocking display of pain tolerance, Hiei doesn't so much as flinch after the initial second of surprise. His expression twists with irritation, anger– and then he's planting one foot on the ground to execute a fantastic roundhouse kick to the face.
In the same moment, the demon he has in a headlock decides to use his distraction to buck, cracking the back of his skull squarely into Yusuke's chin. Fucking ow!
He's too focused on his own brawl to pay attention to any of the others after that, but it's just as well. By the time they've rounded up all the miscreants, everyone's sweating and out of breath. Yusuke smacks his hands together in a 'job well done'. "Alright, that's…five, six, seven– That's all of 'em. Right?"
Kurama gives the affirmative– he's using a tweaked version of his Rose Whip to tie them up, until Koenma or Botan or whoever comes to collect the assholes and ship them back to Makai. Fox boy's a little rumpled, himself, which is a testament to how damn annoying the whole case has been.
He spies Hiei out of the corner of his eye, collecting his discarded katana. "How you doin, shorty?" Yusuke calls.
Hiei looks up from inspecting his blade and sheaths it with a sneer. "Worry about yourself."
"Alright, no need to get snippy– I saw you get the shit kicked outta ya back there, s'all. These fucks really didn't give a shit about playing nice, did they?" he remarks, frowning in the general direction of said fucks.
Hiei's giving him a blank stare when he looks back. Yusuke raises an eyebrow at him, but that's the end of that– Kuwabara realizes there's a fresh tear in his stupid white trench coat, and the noise he makes is shrill enough to wake the freakin' dead.
When Botan shows up to take them back to Makai (along with some stuffy jerk wearing a really dorky uniform), Yusuke has to drag his stupid best friend away, shouting and kicking at the demon he thinks was responsible.
3
Everyone's beat when they finally start making their way back out of Demon's Door cave. Yusuke clenches his hands at his sides, trying to resist the urge to scratch his back. The hair's gonna have to go, pronto.
But before that, there are teary reunions to be had, and stuffy Reikai jerks to tell off, and revelations about certain snot-nosed kids being alive, after all, and…it's a lot. It'd be a lot even if it wasn't coming on the tail end of a death battle to avert the apocalypse.
Kuwabara shuffles over while they're tiredly relaying the details to everyone who hadn't been there for the big showdown. "Hey, Urameshi. You mind taking over short stack for a bit? He's heavier'n he looks." He hefts the demon in question, who's still slumped over and unresponsive against his back.
Yusuke considers having him just put Hiei down on the ground, but he doesn't know how much longer they're gonna stick around. He, for one, wants nothing more than to find a bed and collapse onto it for the next week or so. Plus, there's not much by way of a good spot to put the guy; it's just rocks and brush until the treeline, some twenty feet away. And the truck, but…
"Yeah, sure. Here," he turns around, awkwardly pulling the mass of tangled hair aside so they can shuffle Hiei from one back onto another. Kurama turns a watchful eye their way while they get Hiei resituated, ready to step in and help, but they manage. It's just a little awkward, since the guy's still limp as a rag doll, and– crap, Hiei really is heavier than Yusuke expected.
He hefts his weight a little once Kuwabara steps aside, trying to get Hiei to rest against his back a little more naturally. His hair flops across his face annoyingly the entire time and Yusuke blows at it, prompting laughter from his good-for-nothing friend. "Shaddup before I give him back!"
There. That's probably as good as it's gonna get. Satisfied he's not gonna drop shorty or teeter forwards onto his face or anything, Yusuke goes back to half-listening to Kurama, Kaito, Koenma and the others talk. Something about doing a sweep around the area to make sure all the demons that did come through are rounded up. He already did his part– stopping the guy behind it all– so Yusuke's not really paying attention.
Hiei's soft, shallow breathing tickles the bare skin of his shoulder. Ugh. Another shirt lost. At least it isn't cold out here like it was underground– in fact, now that he's holding short stack, Yusuke's almost hot. Makes sense with the guy being a fire demon and all. Everywhere he's pressed up against Yusuke's back is incredibly warm. It's like holding a heated blanket– if said blanket weighed like a hundred pounds and was made of nothing but bone and rock-solid muscles.
Yusuke blinks as he realizes something, shifting the smaller demon a little. Hang on… He's holding him up by the legs and leaning forward slightly to keep Hiei in place, but even with him completely limp and pressed against Yusuke's back…he doesn't feel the guy's dick.
Which is objectively the stupidest possible thing to be thinking about right now. He just died (again), resurrected as a fucking demon, went to Makai, lost…lost control of himself, or got possessed, or something– oh, and killed a guy and saved the world and stuff.
He's also never really been known for his intelligence.
Kuwabara looks over as he squirms again. "You got 'im?"
Yusuke firmly resolves to stop thinking about it. " 'Course," he dismisses, piping up to keep Kuwabara from pestering him further as well as distract himself. "So hey, not to bail on the whole post-apocalypse effort, buuuuut can I go home? I think I did more than my fare share already…"
Later, once Kurama's taken over carrying shrimpy back to his place to finish hibernating or whatever, Yusuke's mind wanders back to that little oddity against his will. Dumbass, it was probably because of those loose pants he wears, he dismisses with a scowl. Why the fuck was he hung up about such a stupid thing in the first place? It's not like Yusuke wanted to get a feel of short stack's junk pressed against his back. He should be relieved he didn't, not doing mental gymnastics over why.
Hiei's already woken up and left when he arrives to have Kurama cut his hair. The sheer relief of having ten friggin' pounds of hair lopped off is so cathartic, Yusuke forgets all about it.
…Never mind all the shit that happens next.
4
"That one's got a right pretty tail on her, eh?"
Yusuke cocks his head, looking up at the jumbotron. Standing around and watching the prelims for the Makai World Tournament wasn't exactly at the top of his list, but as one of the organizers (and, y'know, the crazy bastard who came up with the idea), it was kind of expected that he actually stick around for things. Even if Yusuke would much rather be, say, tracking down the guys and figuring out what they would do if anyone really evil won, or…
"I wouldn' mind goin' toe to toe with her, if you catch my drift," Chuu continues raucously, needing no one's input to keep running at the mouth as usual.
"You've said that about every female combatant we've seen so far," Touya points out, lips quirked in amusement.
Yusuke snorts and looks up at the screen again to actually get a look at the fighters. If he were more tactically-minded, he probably would have been watching more closely, but…well, he's not Kurama. "Eh, six outta ten," he concludes and folds his arms.
"What? You're bonkers," Chuu declares immediately.
"Nahhh, I'm just not desperate."
That remark gets Yusuke put in a headlock, laughing and punching at the big drunk's thigh as Chuu grinds his knuckles against his hair beratingly. The demons around give them a wide berth as they wrastle– Touya and Jin pretend not to know the two and egg them on, respectively.
Yusuke's still snickering when he rights himself, swiping his hand through his hair, and Chuu looks amused in spite of the dig.
"So then, things are going well with your girl back in Ningenkai?" Touya asks before they can start up again. Yusuke sobers a little. The ice apparition had been so genuinely interested in catching up with everyone, he doesn't have the heart to deflect.
"Ahh, about that…"
He spares the gang the details– standing around waiting for their group to go up for prelims isn't really the time, anyway. When Yusuke finishes, Touya's nodding in solemn understanding. Chuu looks torn between whether sympathizing or cracking a joke would be better welcomed, and Jin has his arms folded in thought.
"Well, if that's the way of it, no use shoutin' fer the wind to be blowin' a different direction," the windmaster concludes after chewing on the news for a minute. "You've got yer path, and she's got hers. Be happy the two did join for a time, 'stead of mournin' their partin'. That's what I'm always tryin' to live by."
It still takes Yusuke a minute to figure out what the crazy redhead's saying, but when he does he gives Jin a grateful look. "Thanks, man."
"Anytime," he grins. Then, with the levity of a summer breeze, he lifts the mood by asking: "So then, what's this yer sayin' about not wantin' fer love, if that's how it is? You already got yerself someone new t' squeeze, Urameshi? That's just grand!"
" 'Course he does," Chuu declares, clapping him on the back hard enough to make Yusuke stumble forward a pace. "I bet he's already shacked up with a right fine catch– ain'tcha?"
"Who is it?" Touya inquires, curiosity getting the better of his reserved nature.
Yusuke opens his mouth to deny that he's shacked up with anyone– not that he didn't appreciate the vote of confidence, but he was still kinda trying to move on from Keiko – but everyone's already grinning and speculating. "Hey, maybe it's that blue-haired sheila from Reikai. Now there's a good sort!"
"Nah, yer thinkin' fer yerself! If I were t'be puttin' my money on it, I'd say Urameshi's hitched up with one of his teammates. Not a minger among 'em!"
Wait, wh…
"Very true," Touya agrees. "Kurama in particular–"
Chuu cuts him off. "Shoot, now that you mention it, 'im and that bloke with the dragon've always seemed a right fit!"
Yusuke scrambles to keep up. "Are you talking about Hie –"
"Right, right! That's a mighty fine match, if I do say so myself!" Jin's grinning and nodding along rapidly, ears sticking straight out on either side of his head.
To his own ire, he feels his face getting hot. "Hang on! Hiei and I haven't even seen each other since this whole thing got started," Yusuke protests.
"Fair play to ya, Jin! That's the ticket, right there," Chuu laughs boisterously, bulldozing right over him. "Imagine the sort of rugrats they'd churn out, though!"
Jin goes comically silent for a second– and then he starts laughing, too. Even Touya's hiding a smile behind his fingers, the traitor.
Yusuke's eyebrow twitches. "Ha, ha," he deadpans over their merriment, "Laugh it up. I'll remember this when I win the Tournament, assholes." The rest of what Chuu said computes a second later. "Wh– Hang on! Hiei and me are both dudes!"
Before the gang can keep carrying on at his expense, the intercom chimes. "Group 106, your match is about to begin. Please proceed to the staging area. Group 106…"
Saved by the friggin' bell.
"Anyway, I ain't got time for more gossip hour," he waves a hand, already starting towards the front. "I've got a Tournament to win!"
5
The air in Human World never smelled so sweet.
No, really– Yusuke's damn glad his seasonal allergies seem to have fucked off after he became a demon, otherwise he'd probably be sneezing his head off right now. Kurama had settled on a modestly cushy high-rise apartment after moving out, but even being on the tenth floor couldn't stop the fox from turning his space green, green, green.
"So you call me over just to have someone else try your new tea blend? Not that I'm complainin', of course," Yusuke adds, lifting his cup in a mock toast. It was pretty darn tasty. The balcony of Shuichi Minamino's apartment looked more like a tropical jungle than anywhere in Tokyo; fragrant blooms and leaves the size of Yusuke's head surround them on three sides, from vines dangling in baskets to shelves upon shelves of potted plants.
Fox boy chuckles. "I do also just enjoy having you over from time to time, you know," he admonishes. Yusuke deflects with a 'yeah, yeah', and the redhead picks up his own mug. "But you are correct in suspecting an ulterior motive for this social call, I'm afraid."
"If another jerk's tryina destroy the world, I'm not interested," Yusuke heads him off. He was retired from being a Spirit Detective, dammit.
"Nothing so dire," Kurama assures him. He starts to speak, but then– in a very uncharacteristic display– fox boy falters and disguises it behind a sip of his tea. Yusuke feels his hackles raising on principle. "Please, have some scones. Mother brought them over. They're quite good."
He takes a scone and bites into it, watching the redhead suspiciously all the while. Kurama ignores it, gazing out at the city. After another moment or so, he says tentatively, "I heard a rumor that you and Hiei are getting…close."
Oh, jeez. Yusuke had a feeling that was what Kurama inviting him over was about. Nosy fox. He washes down the (pretty darn tasty) scone to reply, "Botan come by before me?"
Kurama has the grace to give an abashed chuckle. "She may have paid me a visit earlier, but I had already begun to suspect. Hiei's never opened up to anyone as fast as you, Yusuke," he points out.
It's his turn to look off to the side of the balcony, rubbing at his neck. "Nah, he was a little softie all along."
"True, but it takes a special eye to see that about him," Kurama insists gently. When Yusuke looks over, the redhead's regarding him with a fond sort of expression. "I'm happy for you. Both of you."
"Aw man, don't make it mushy," he groans, slumping in his seat. His legs knock against Kurama's under the table– he'd had another growth spurt, much to his (and everyone else's) surprise. Kuwabara was livid that Yusuke might actually catch up to him one day, at the rate he was going. Yusuke was just annoyed that he had to buy more pants. "We haven't even like, made it official or nothin'."
"Oh, I know," Kurama waves a hand. "Between the two of you, I'd be shocked to hear if you had already."
"Hey– what's that supposed to mean??"
"Nothing ill," he demures. Yusuke gives him a dirty look anyway, but Kurama just goes right on sipping his tea and being pleased with himself.
"While we're on the subject, there's…something I wanted to make you aware of," he says after letting Yusuke simmer for a few minutes. He looks up from demolishing a second scone as Kurama continues. "While you were in Makai, I'm sure you realized that there's a great deal of– diversity among demonkind. Especially compared to here."
"…Uh, yeah? I mean, there's folks with wings and tails and all kinds of shit. Hell, I even saw a dude with two heads," Yusuke adds. "Or, dudes I guess. What's your point?"
"Plural would be the correct form of address, unless they specify otherwise," Kurama confirms. "But aside from the variability in physical attributes. Have you observed any of the, ah…wider spectrum of Makaian sexuality and gender identity?"
Yusuke blinks. "…I know 'gay' isn't exactly a thing over there, if that's what you're talking about." Which had been a huge relief. Yusuke had been ready to fight assholes tooth and nail about coming out of the closet in Ningenkai– never mind the kind of backlash demons could dish out if they didn't like something about you.
Kurama's brows knit together. "Correct. For all that humans exalt themselves as being civilized, demons are actually more socially advanced– generally speaking."
"Uh-huh." Get to the point, smartypants.
"In Hiei's case, however… That is," he fumbles again, and Yusuke sits up.
Kurama's weird reticence is making him uncomfortable, at this point, and he's starting to get the feeling this isn't his place to say in the first place. "Look, unless his idea of foreplay involves decapitation, I don't really care what the guy identifies as."
That surprises a noise out of the redhead. "He's not a spider," he protests.
"Alright, then we're good. I think I can still call myself pan and not be down to tango with a spider, right?" Yusuke nods sagely and scoots out of his chair, picking up both their mugs as he stands. "Now, c'mon. If I have to get the third degree about my love life, so do you. How was that date last week? …"