Chapter Text
It was a regular day for Sa-chan. Swinging across the city like some monkey Tarzan -
TWACK!
(Ow! I’m sorry! I mean kunoichi! … How are you still breaking the fourth wall? This is only a fanfiction…)
After throwing a kunai at this fanfic’s author, the pink-haired ninja continued scanning Kabuki-Cho in her daily patrols. Nothing out of the ordinary, she noted. She continued to jump from roof to roof nimbly, looking under her feet. First street, a homeless geezer with sunglasses sleeps in an alleyway under a cupboard box. Nothing wrong. Second street, nothing wrong. Third street - WHOA! Sarutobi came to a halt.
Sachan-chan can recognize that silver wavy hill anywhere!
“It’s Gin-san!” Swiftly, she crept behind a lamppost in the street just 10 feet behind Gin-san. In just 10 seconds, he would notice his Sarutobi-beam going off and throw his large wooden sword at her head, putting her in so much pain - and pleasure. “GYAH”, Sarutobi squealed. “This never gets old no matter how many times he - … huh?”
By this time, Gin-san hadn't done her favorite game of “Treat Sarutobi like an M.” In fact, he didn’t even seem to notice. He just … kept walking on.
“W - what?” Sa-chan thought. “Calm down, Sarutobi. Maybe, he didn’t see me from a hangover. That can happen.” But the last sentence came out uncertain, as the pink-haired kunoichi knew that that almost never happened. Regardless, she jumped in front of Gin-san squatting.
“Gin-san, it’s me Sa-chan! It’s time to play a bit - uh?”
Without a glance, Gin-san walked past the ninja on his way, as if he was alone. Sa-chan became even more confused now. She turned around, her eyes wide with horror as she watched her love walk on without a care in the world. She got up and turned towards Gin-san.
“Gin-san.” She called out. No response.
“GIN-SAN.”
Sa-chan raised her voice, but still the silver-permed man did not turn to glance at her. His strong muscles in that beautiful kimono, his sword next to his sword - they were all turned away from her. Usually, Gin-san would turn his face and tell her to screw off. Oh, how that makes Sa-chan the happiest M in the world!
But, he ignored her, walking down the streets of Edo.
Sa-chan couldn’t take it. She tried to get his attention - to make him play with her as always. Yet, Gin-san, Gin-san REFUSED to mistreat her. Why, why wouldn’t he punch her away like before? Why be so indifferent to her? The suspense was killing her.
“GIN-SAN!!!”
Time seemed to freeze for Sa-chan. Gintoki finally stopped in his tracks. He stopped for a second and finally turned his head 90 degrees to his right. He glanced at Sa-chan, her eyes starting to tear up. She anticipated a reaction - anything!
Instead, Gin-san’s eyes showed none of his usual disdain or anger. Instead, they were empty. As if Sa-chan didn’t matter to him. His face was bland, unmoving.
“G-gin-san?” Sa-chan stepped towards Gintoki, hoping that he would respond. Get angry. Play along like he always did. Teasing her. “Gin-san? What’s wrong?”
Finally, Gin-san spoke slowly and coldly. His eyes remained emotionless.
“Go away. I don’t feel like playing with you anymore.”
Sa-chan’s heart froze with her body. Sa-chan felt darkness envelope her. She couldn’t believe what she heard. He couldn’t have meant that right?
“Gin-san? This is a game right? I love being teased by you but I don’t like this teasing. Gin-san, please, tell me this is a game.”
“It’s not.”
“WHY? WHY GIN-SAN? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU BEING A S TO MY M?!?” Sa-chan felt hot tears warm and sticky like natto flow down her eyes. She fell to her knees, not caring if people on the street glanced at her before going on their way. She wept openly while Gintoki looked down on her, his face still stonelike.
“Saru, I found a woman.”
Sa-chan glared up at Gin-san’s face, asking a silent ‘what’ and hoping that Gin-san would have that S-grin on his face with a camera in his hand. She hoped that it was a prank to bully her, a new high to tease her and make her feel good.
But his face was serious. It was no prank. Some hoe took Gin-san from her.
Anger replacing sadness and activating her Killer mode on, Sa-chan leapt up and grabbed Gin-san’s shirt, pulling on it roughly. “WHO IS THE SLUT WHO STOLE YOU?!? WHO!?” She screamed at Gin-san, whose face still remained miraculously still.
Suddenly, Sa-chan felt a hand grab at the back of her shirt and pull her off Gin-san firmly yet so cruelly gently. Despite Sa-chan’s anger, she found herself weak at the hands and let go. She fell to the ground on her back stunned. Her teary eyes glanced up at the sky to see who pulled her away from Gin-san in anger. To her surprise -
“Tsukki! What are you doing?! Don’t barge in during my time with Gin-san!” Then, Sa-chan froze as she took a moment to take in what she saw over her.
The blond courtesan who wore high heels boots with a high slit kimono for combat was now wearing a modest dark blue kimono covering herself completely. Her hair was still kept in a bun but she was wearing a gold leaf-shaped brooch on her left side of her head.
Why is she wearing such an outfit? Sa-chan instantly thought before a chilling revelation came to her. Her breath froze. No, Tsukki can’t possibly be -
“Oi, Sarutobi, get your hands off my man please. He’s done playing his S and M with you.” The blond courtesan looked down and spoke to Sa-chan, her eyes and face as deadpan as ever. Her voice contained no ill will or goodwill, merely neutrality. Then, without missing a beat, she went off ahead of Sa-chan still lying on the street and walked towards Gin-san. Sa-chan noticed that immediately his eyes warmed up and a faint smile formed on his face.
“Hey, hey, did Hinowa set you up on this?” Gin-san’s face contained a smirk.
“No, I just wanted to wear something different once in a while.” Tsukuyo responded casually but it was clear that she was happy to meet Gin-san.
Gintoki nodded and placed his left arm around Tsukuyo as she approached. The couple walked on, ignoring the prone purple-haired shinobi on the earth. Struggling from shock, Sa-chan lifted her head up a little, looking on in devastation as her silver-permed lover and the courtesan walked ahead without looking back at her. She looked at their now beaming faces as they chattered, their eyes glowing and mouths smiling.
No, no, this can’t be real! THIS CAN’T BE REAL! But, Sa-chan couldn’t lie to herself. It was plain as day why Gin-san stopped teasing her and didn’t play their games.
Gin-san is in love with Tsukki-san now.
More tears came down Sa-chan’s grimacing face as she whimpered looking on in front of her. She finally broke when she saw the couple place their faces near each other - and kissed. Their lips embraced in love, reminding Sa-chan of the sad truth. Gin-san gave his first kiss to the moon, and not to poor Sa-chan.
An earth-shattering scream pierced the sky, breaking Sa-chan’s glasses. “GIN-SANNNNN!!!!!!!!”
***
“HEY, WAKE UP AND STOP SCREAMING ALREADY!”
Sa-chan’s vision abruptly changed. She was lying on a wooden floor, not on the street. She looked around and saw that she was in a tea shop - the tea shop in Yoshiwara in fact, where the head honcho Hinowa lives. She just noticed that she was drooling a little.
She also noticed that surrounding her looking at her in confusion were: Otae, Kyubei-kun, the red-haired Yato (lucky punk that she gets to live with Gin-san, Sarutobi still thinks), the pasty Glasses virgin whose body broke and causing its human host to scream in pain, the big white mutt living with Gin-san chewing on a big slice of wagyu beef looking intently at her, the old geezer wearing sunglasses dazedly staring from the couch, Hinowa, her boy Seita, and -
“Gyah, gyah, gyah, woman! First, you drink 3 bottles of don peri straight down your throat. Then, you try humping my leg like a rabbit in heat before sleeping on the floor, and now you scream and break my parfait glass with your monkey mating call!!” The silver-permed samurai was standing in front of Sa-chan, his handsome face having the usual grimace he has in front of her. His left hand had shards of glass and custard on it dripping down to the floor. Behind Gin-san, a lump of parfait laid on the floor split among more glass pieces.
“You know Gin-san only gets 1 parfait a week! ONLY 1! Gin-san needs sugar, you know!” Gin-san continued on his tirade, waving his hands about.
“Now, now, Gin-san,” Hinowa stepped forward with a cane in hand and a smile on her face. “We still have plenty of parfaits left from the party. Losing one is not the end of the world.”
“Sarutobi-san, are you all right?” Kyubei came forward and knelt beside Sa-chan who now sat up. “You were sleeping until you suddenly screamed and broke all of the glass in the room. Shinpachi-kun’s glasses, Gintoki-san’s parfait, the Don-peri bottles, etc. Is anything wrong?”
“Sa-chan didn’t hear Kyubei speak. She didn’t process all of the don peri bottles broken in the room and spilled their contents onto the floor, the red-haired Yato trying to fish out parts of the glasses-san’s body from its host’s screaming face, and Gin-san moping from lack of sugar. All she could process was that it was just a dream. A smile formed on Sa-chan’s face and tears fell from her face, creeping out Kyubei and Seita who now approached to see if he could help.
Sa-chan didn’t care anymore, even if her glasses were broken too. Gin-san is here. He’s still angry with Sa-chan! HE STILL LOVES HER LIKE A S TO A M! SHE IS STILL A STALKER!!
“GIN-SAN!!” Sa-chan screamed and leapt towards Gin-san walking to the kitchen with Hinowa. Instinctively, he turned and kicked her in the face - right on her lips. Her body was pummeled to the opposite wall, but Sa-chan was in heaven - and turned on. Gin-san still treated her like a common bitch! This is real! Moreover, she had her first kiss with Gin-san, even if it isn’t mouth to mouth. Sa-chan just babbled on.
“OH, YOU DON’T KNOW THE NIGHTMARE I JUST HAD! I WAS STALKING YOU BUT YOU DIDN’T PAY ATTENTION, SO I CALLED TO YOU. BUT YOU DIDN’T LISTEN, AND THEN YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE DONE PLAYING WITH ME AND TO GO AWAY AND - ”
“SHUT UP! Man, you’re a pain!” Gintoki by that time just got back from the kitchen with a new parfait in his hand, ignoring his bleeding on his left hand. He started slurping down the parfait like a drink while getting out the brooms and dusters to start cleaning up.
“Hey, Gin-san, you’re bleeding. Shouldn’t you get your hand fixed first?” Seita asked as he was helping Otae and Hinowa clean up the glass around the room.
“Seita-kun, some things in the world are worth more than a hand. Sugar intake is one of them.” Gin-san retorted as he finished his parfait and set the glass down on a counter. “Now, I gotta start cleaning. Man, should have gone to pachinko after dinner.”
“Not happening, Gin-san,” Gorilla Otae said with a smile on her face. “It’s your welcome back party now that we finished cleaning up Edo. You should spend time with us and not gambling.” Suddenly, she turned her head to Sa-chan. “Now, … Sa-chan. I hope that there’s a good reason for wasting my Don-peri…” Her smile remained, but death loomed in her voice. (“And mine,” MADAO said before lying down in self-defeat on the couch)
“That’s right, Anego,” The red haired Yato said as she took out all the glass pieces she could from the glasses’ host’s face. “Poor Shinpachi’s face got messed up because Saru-chan screamed. Maybe she should go back to her home at the zoo, yes?”
SWOMP. The door opened.
“Ah, Tsukuyo! You’re back early today!” Hinowa’s face lightened as she saw who came in.
“Yeah, the Hyakka made me take an early shift so that I could go back and help ya with the party,” Tsukuyo spoke as she closed the shop’s door behind her. “Did I miss-” She noticed the mess around her of broken glass and spilt Don peri. “Oi, what happened, Hinowa?”
At that moment, Sa-chan snapped out of her dazed state seeing Tsukuyo-san. The heartbreak she felt, the sadness - because of her. Screw if it was a dream! (KILLER SWITCH, ON!)
“TSU-KU-YO SAN!” Sa-chan leapt across the room and landed in front of the blonde, her eyes gleaming with war. “DID YOU DO ANYTHING WITH GIN-SAN!? I HOPE NOT!”
“What? - What are you talking about?!” Tsukuyo’s eyebrows raised up in confusion and her face slightly flustered. “What does this have to do with-”
“EVERYTHING! I DREAMT YOU STOLE GIN-SAN AWAY FROM ME! YOU BETTER NOT DO THAT FOR REAL OR I’LL-”
“Ok, ok,nothing like that happened between me and Gin-san! Ya been drinking too much again!”
“Rich coming from the gal that gets off from a chocolate bonbon!” Sa-chan turned and glanced at the room as she saw everyone started laughing at Sa-chan’s making a big fuss over a dream.
Sa-chan started pouting. “That’s not funny! You know that me and gin-san -”
“Of course, Sa-chan,” Otae smirked. “Monkeys see what monkeys do.”
Gintoki: “WAIT, THAT MAKES NO SENSE! AND WHY AM I A MONKEY TOO?!? AND WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ON, SA-CHAN?!”
Hinowa: “Be careful, Tsukuyo-san! It seems like Sarutobi is getting a leg up!”
Tsukuyo: “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?”
The room burst with laughter at Sa-chan protesting and pouting about her love for Gin-san while Kagura and Sadaharu took Shinpachi outside to get him to the hospital (Hey, I got no lines! Arf!) Otae and Hinowa started bursting to the point of tears while Sa-chan started hooting at them. Kyubei and Seita, confused as they are, couldn’t help but chuckle at what unfolded before them.
Gin-san’s face contorted into a grimace at being the butt of some dumb childish joke while Tsukuyo started to blush a little at the unexpected situation. They looked at each other.
Gin-san’s face loosened up into a gentle smile and his eyes softened.
Tsukuyo returned that smile too.