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Steve wakes to his mouth tasting like ash, and his tongue burning.
The entire perimeter is rancid with the smell of destruction and ruin, and orange embers that hang in the air constrict Steve's airway. He tries hard not to breathe in the burnt particles but the air is humid, and he can't help but heave in a mouthful of breaths one right after another.
Steve blinks hard, and tries to rid the sweat from his eyes but it only serves to sting even more. It stings and his eyes begin to tear up uncontrollably. He wonders why his heart suddenly hurts, too. It's beating way too fast and it makes him nervous.
He turns around.
That's when he sees it. Sees him. The hairs on Steve's arms prickle and rise because right there, slumped against the broken concrete beam, is Tony.
Rhodey is kneeling on the ground beside him, and a boy in a Spiderman suit watches helplessly from the side. Pepper is right there, too. He absently thinks that he should also be there with them. Steve starts stumbling forward, but his feet feel far too heavy, almost lead-heavy, and are stuck to the ground with exhaustion. It's a wonder how he hasn't buckled over yet.
He looks up again. Tony was unmoving and even from this far away, his skin looks too pallid, and the side of his face was charred black. It's impossible for Steve to mistake what he was seeing for anything else.
Tony was dying right in front of his eyes.
A scream gets ripped from his throat, but his voice only breaks into a sob midway. Was this a dream? Surely it was. But it's too vivid to be one because the burning sensations on his hands felt all too real to Steve.
He tries to stand up again, but his vision starts to spin, and then he blacks out.
He's back.
Steve wakes with a start, his heart racing and his back soaked with sweat.
He feels the bed dip to accommodate his weight as he sits up, just as soft as he remembers it. The blanket covering his legs is weighty and warm, but right now, it just feels uncomfortable and suffocating.
The clock on the side of his bed reads half-past four in the morning. Not too unusual for him, so Steve resolves to get up and pushes the blanket off. His feet land softly against the carpeted floor, and he breathes in deep to ground himself.
Tony might still be awake at this time for sure, given his tendencies to keep the oddest hours. Sometimes, Steve doesn't know whether to be annoyed that Tony never seems to get enough or proper sleep, or be thankful that he could rely on Tony's sure companionship when his own nightmares kept him up.
Tonight, he decides that he's going to be grateful.
Perhaps the encounter with Kang today had really left an impression on him. After all, it wasn't just Kang that he met; Howard Stark, self-assured and intense in his younger years, and Peggy Carter -- beautiful, alive, and as feisty as he remembered her. Suffice to say, it was probably messing with his brain quite a bit.
The lights in Tony's workshop are still on, dimmed just low enough for some visibility. The entrance is empty, but a little further in and he spots Tony standing over his work station where weapons of different variety are spread out in his usual organized mess.
Tony has his back to him, so Steve pads right over, clearing his throat lightly to not startle him.
"Hey, Cap," Tony says. His hands are occupied by a prototype iteration of his gauntlet that Steve thinks he's seen before. "I promise, I'm gonna go to bed in a few. No need to nag me. Just gimme a sec here, okay?"
Steve leans back against the edge of the worktable and crosses his arms. He watches silently as Tony puts the gauntlet on one of his arms, rotates it, then opens and closes his hand into a fist.
The events of the New Year's eve still lingered in Steve's mind. He and Tony had stayed a bit longer downtown to admire the fireworks and had flown home in companionable silence after.
"Tony?" he says solemnly.
Tony yanks out the gauntlet gracelessly off of his hand before answering. "Yep."
Steve hesitates. When he hasn't responded after a few seconds, Tony puts the gauntlet down on the table more gently, and turns to him. "Cap, you okay? Is this about meeting Peggy and Dad earlier?"
He searches Tony's eyes, and realizes that it isn't. But perhaps, it partly had something to do with it. Steve's not so sure anymore. He'd been left shaken after a terrible nightmare that had seemed awfully real it was hard to divorce from his currently reality. Steve's had his fair share of nightmares in the past, that this one shouldn't be as remarkable as it had been.
"No, actually," he replies. "Not really. It's just... I had a nightmare."
Tony watches him carefully, and frowns when he finds something he doesn't like in Steve's somber expression. Neither of them were new to this, of course. He's been there for Steve for far too many nights interrupted by unpleasant dreams.
"That bad, huh?"
Steve nods.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Tony asks gently.
Again, Steve dithers. He's not sure that he wants to tell Tony he just saw him die in his dreams, and that he couldn't do anything to stop it from happening. Apart from the fact that it was much too morbid to hear the events leading to one's own death, Steve wonders if telling Tony exactly what had transpired in his dream might somehow make it more real, and expose a fear that he'd long buried far back in his mind.
Steve knows how he feels about Tony; he's already known for a while now. Steve's afraid that once he starts talking, effectively distressing the thread of emotions, he'll accidentally unravel it completely and leave his heart in the open for breaking.
He settles on asking Tony an innocent question instead. "You said that what happened with Peggy and Howard earlier had something to do with a time paradox, right?"
"Yeah, that's right," Tony picks up immediately. "It was triggered by the neutrino particles that the Hydra bots brought with them. That, and Kang mostly."
"I know you're pretty well-versed with time traveling now but," Steve says. "Have you ever wondered about the idea of parallel worlds? Like... the existence of the multiverse."
The question makes Tony pause and reconsider. "I'm definitely not discounting the existence of other universes. They're out there. I've given it some thought in the past. Except for now, theories are all we have, Cap." He hums. "Why do you ask?"
Steve swallows, and decides to just go for it. "In my dream... I saw you die, Tony. And it wasn't just a normal dream. I know it wasn't. It felt too real to have just been one," he says. "But it didn't feel like it was me -- it was like I was in someone else's body. Another me."
Tony crosses the step between them to stand beside Steve. He pauses for a while, and then bumps shoulders with him.
"I'm here, Steve."
Steve smiles ruefully. "I know we said extra time with the people we love is the best gift there is." The smile turns more hopeful when he looks up at Tony. "It was just a nightmare. But if there were another universe where things don't work for us, I don't want it to be ours, Tony. And I really want to start the year right."
There is a carefully crafted blank look on Tony's face as he listens to what Steve's saying. Steve knows Tony is meticulously parsing every single word he'd just said to make sure there was no space for misinterpreting it. Steve thinks he'd like to help Tony out with that.
"All I'm saying is, I don't want to lose you without telling you how I feel, Tony." Steve still can't help but lick his lips nervously. "Everything happening right on the New Year -- meeting Peggy again, and this terrible dream I had -- must be the universe telling me there's no better time than now to do this. This, you, is what I have right now. I'm gonna try my best to keep it."
There is quiet. Almost deafening and ominous.
Then Tony sighs, hanging his head low. Steve feels high on the anticipation, bracing himself for a soft landing or a harsh, fatal fall. He begins his own litany of assurances to himself that it's okay if Tony doesn't feel the same way and that he doesn't need an answer straight away.
Whatever it is they have now between them, he'll be happy to hold and nurture. And yet, he can't stop the hope from blooming inside his chest, especially when the beginnings of a smile break on Tony's face.
"You know what would make my year before it's even started, Steve?" he says. Hope's tendrils poke through Steve's chest and up his throat. He swallows it down.
When Tony looks up at him, there is a sweet smile on his face. It's the brightest Steve's ever seen on him.
"What?" Steve replies, just to be cheeky. He knows.
Tony's fingers brush his lightly, shyly, between them. Steve lights up from inside out.
"A new year's kiss would make my new year happy."
Steve is only too glad to oblige, and finds that Tony's mouth is eager to meet his halfway.