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This is what happens when you're drunk. Scared to face what's real. The last time mania hit you was over the most petty shit. You couldn't get to band practice on time, and now you're sat alone, gripping the lighter, your fingers tremble on the wheel, thumb blackening from the numerous times you spun the lighter. Tryina feel somethin? Burnin yourself? Hell you're fucking weak for that! Cut yourself!
POUR A GLASS
POUR MORE
YOU CANT SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING CAN YOU?
You're laying beneath the water, hair spread out across the tub, your clothes feel like chains, that large shirt you just washed? It's covered in puke and now it's fucking soaked. That liquor you just bought, it's all on the floor, doused in your puke and snot. And here you lay, relaxing in the bath tub as you so thought.
In reality, you're a miserable fuck with no sense of reality, pressing people to their limits that they distance from you and now it's just you and yourself.
BETRAYAL? YOU BETRAYED YOURSELF
You told yourself last week you'd be a better man, here you are on the verge of death. Yet again.
Whatever, it's nothing new. Typical shit to be doing huh? You look to your hands, doused in rings that create the only sense of identity to you, your sense of infinite life was soon about to fade into nothingness, you once told yourself you preferred to live forever. Your eyes shut, ambiguous air fills your mind, your thoughts circle, are these thoughts or impulses?
Why am I here?
So many questions you try asking, yet you're muted by shock of how fucking stupid you can be. You tend to tell yourself that you're too good for peoples support because you're deluded to the mindset of being so fuckin pretentious that only you can help yourself.
YOU FUCKING LIED TO ME YOU LIED TO YOURSELF WHAT THE FUCK
You're at the sound check, you feel tape constantly being wrapped over your mouth, maybe 30 or 40 layers over your mouth, you feel like if anyone ever talks to you, you'll either blow into a million pieces or end your life right Infront of them. Everything feels like a drag, equilibrium wasn't even a thing to you at this point. What day is it? Fuck what time is it?
You're too blind to see what your true reality is, that's why you act like this.
Stop running away from your problems
LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE
It's 1am, you "promised" again? The 3 bottles of Jack that you promised to quit, they just had to appear again huh? Was it a ghost that gave them to you?
You're suicidal? That's funny you told yourself that you were a better man, your necks fixed downwards as you swirl that poison in the glass, counting down each second, assuming when your death will come. When the Angel of Death switches the light off, your body shuts and you're finally out of this abused life.
The torment you faced holds no accountability for this shit that you're doing.
What are you even saying? Just words. Words with no meanings. Sorry has no meaning, you say it millions of times to the point you dont understand the meaning of the word, the structure of the word, how many letters it has or why it's what it even is.
BREAK THE GLASS BREAK THE GLASS BREAK THE GLASS
You stare lifelessly into the mirror, what do you see? You? Or that shit you've been wearing for months, minutes, seconds. Hands drawn to your pale skin, is this your sign of shock or denial? White noise fills your mind as you blank out at the mirror. What is this? What the fuck?
Get that out your sight! Your disdains have no place to be presented Infront of you!
Was it always about facing your problems or facing the pretty lies, the lies everyone would prefer to have.
Why did you break the mirror? Thought you didn't mind seeing that thing there?
Crying? Seriously? Get a fuckin grip, you're 27 years of age and you're acting like you're 17, crying over nothing, your minds a bowl full of blended bits and pieces, you dont know what to say how to act.
Corey?
You snap out of it, in a daze, you look back at Jim, who's just walked in on you. Again.
What?
There's puke down your shirt, fingers dark, nerves tortured from the constant burns.
There's more lighters on the floor than reasons to be living, yet you still live.
Corey what the fuck?
You sit in silence, hands shaken, your hips feel weird, like somebody's putting a spear through? Or a circle of thorns were placed there.
Your mind feels foggy, panic feels inevitable, you can barely touch anything without the consequence of a burning sensation.
Stay there Corey- Fuck!
You just made Jim worry now, he's getting panicky over you. How dare you do this you monster. You should've locked the fuckin door!
Terror fills your mind, curling your legs into yourself, quiet sobs come out.
What the fuck did you do Cor? Tell me fuck- Just please, tell me.
Your mouth feels sewn together, a doll made to be violated on repeat.
HELP ME
Before you go into another frenzy of thoughts, his warm embrace snuffs out all the thoughts, all the fears.
The burning sensation felt great when he was around.
Take your clothes off, it's all fuckin stained.. Jesus
Pulling all those dirty clothes off, your naked body feels like a sin to be looked at, you don't feel right. You feel off. Trying to cover your body with your own 2 hands, Jim felt disturbed
Why though.? Corey just fuckin tell me what's going on?
Talking.
It wasn't right. What's going on?
Running to the toilet, you puke all that shame and guilt.
The taller man comes to pull your hair back,
It's covered in puke from earlier.
I need to fuckin shower you, you're like a living corpse.
Rubbing your back, Jim makes an effort behind that anxious filled body to help you. You happy you greedy bitch?
Getting into the shower, you weakly sit down, feeling the shock of cold water hit your back. It felt harsh. Horrid. Terrifying
So you cuss in a yelling manner, begging it to stop.
Fuck! Wait- Sorry I should've heated it-
You feel the guitarists hand pat your back, soothing it gently in compensation for that harsh water. His hand strokes you by the cheek as your hairs pushed aside.
You gently nuzzle the hand that strokes your cheek, it felt safe.
The warm water relaxed you, you finally felt at peace.
Jim was washing your hair down, scrubbing your back, cleaning you off all those horrid acts you've done.
You dig your head into your legs, crying, your tears flowing with the water.
What's the matter-?
Jim kneels down to you, cupping your chin gently with his larger hand...
Soon he turns the water off and helps you get out...
Drying you off, you get into warmer clothes, a baggy jumper with joggers that reached the floor. Jim brought you to bed where he embraced you.
Nothing was said, but it felt nice. The feeling of someone there to embrace you when you're somewhere in hell.
What more could you even ask for?