Archive of Our Own

ACD @agcd

Henry is at work!!!! You know what that means!!!! DAVID ON THE TABLE!!!!

Noraaa @irlchaosdemon Replying to @agcd 

Ugly ass dining room LMFAO 

ACD @agcd Replying to @irlchaosdemon 

No table time for you 

Noraaa @irlchaosdemon Replying to @agcd

I TAKE IT BACK I NEED MY TABLE TIME 

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Henry Fox @HFox 

I just had to physically put my hand over Alex’s mouth because we’re at a charity event and someone had a star wars opinion I knew they wouldn’t like and would 100% make a scene over 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox 

Silencing marginalised people? How very white and upper class of you. 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd

I hate you. 

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ACD @agcd

I fully understand why pezza used to drag hen to parties because this shit is hilarious 

[1 image attached. It’s Henry stood awkwardly against a wall with a drink in hand staring into space as two people violently make out next to him] 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd

I truly had the night from hell and you’re being cruel to me on the internet. 

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ACD @agcd

I could literally just say things about Henry and you would never know if they’re true or not. 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd

He has a piss kink 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd

He has three nipples 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd

He once set our kitchen on fire trying to cook pasta 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd

He doesn’t use a baby voice when he talks to David, just fully looks this tiny little creature in the eyes and says, in the most deadpan voice “No, David. There are no treats to be had before supper.” 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd

He used to smoke cigarettes but one time chainsmoked for so long he threw up in a potted plant and quit 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd

He LOVES bluey. 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd

He is also weirdly obsessed with UK soaps. Like I came home the other day and he was so upset because Ben got arrested for credit card fraud on Callum’s birthday??? Horrifying that I could literally tell you guys about every episode of eastenders that has aired since we met. 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd

What is your problem? 

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ACD @agcd

We’re visiting my old family home in Texas. I showed hen my old porn mags and tell me why this man is so gay that when he saw a picture of tits he put his thumb up and said “very nice” what is wrong with you 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd

What is the appropriate response?? 

Noraaa @irlchaosdemon Replying to @HFox and @agcd

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @irlchaosdemon and @agcd

I’ll note that down for next time 

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ACD @agcd 

When me and hen get married we’re not gonna tell any of y’all and I’ll just change my user to agcdf 

Noraaa @irlchaosdemon Replying to @agcd

I’ll leak it 

ACD @agcd Replying to @irlchaosdemon 

You always ruin my fun BOOOOO TOMATO TOMATO

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Henry Fox @HFox 

Daily reminder that Alex uses He/They pronouns!!! 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox

You need to come downstairs now 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd

Why? 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox

So I can suck your brain out through your dick you fucking beautiful idiot 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd

Oh okay! 

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Noraaa @irlchaosdemon 

Weatherboy (derogatory) 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @irlchaosdemon

What does this mean? 

Noraaa @irlchaosdemon Replying to @HFox 

Wouldn't you like to know, weatherboy 

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ACD @agcd

Someone should invent like REVERSE cornflakes 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

What? 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox

Erection that could cut glass. Demonic levels of horny. A lust that is completely untamable. 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

Thanks this cleared up literally nothing and actually made me more confused. 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox

Any time baby. 

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ACD @agcd

An apple a day keeps the doctor bent over, gaping and moaning 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

Jesus Christ? 

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ACD @agcd

Henry forgot to pack his noise cancelling headphones for our trip back to Texas and now he’s laying face down in our room with a pillow over his head and I haven't seen him in 4 hours 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

Dying of the plague (autism) please bring me tea and that one hoodie that doesn't have the bobbly bits on the inside 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox

Sigh. Yes dear. Coming. 

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ACD @agcd 

Straight man humour is just “I hate my wife and I love beer” and I just watched Nora laugh at a photo of a Lamborghini with tambourine wheels with the caption “Tamborghini” for thirty five minutes 

Noraaa @irlchaosdemon Replying to @agcd

That shit was funny as fuck LMFAO 

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ACD @agcd 

Ever since I figured out I was bi I cannot watch a movie or show if there are no gay people. Like what is the POINT. I don't even need a gay COUPLE, just give me ONE (1) lesbian and I will be happy. PLEASE. 

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ACD @agcd 

Me and hen are gonna take edibles and watch inside out 2 I'll let you know how it goes 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd

That little orange fucker is so Henry coded LMFAO 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd

We’ve agreed we’d totally have a threesome with the hot dad 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd

The green bitch serves ridiculous amounts of cunt and she gives me gender envy I fear 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd

The purple freak is me 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd

I think I ship the orange one and the purple one they’d be so cute together 

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ACD @agcd 

I've done enough mansplaining, manipulating and masturbating for today. It's time to gaslight, gatekeep and girlboss. 

Noraaa @irlchaosdemon Replying to @agcd

Using your non-binary powers for evil. I support you. 

*** 

ACD @agcd 

Not a man, not a woman, but a secret third thing (a problem) 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd

For every transphobic reply to this tweet I will give my boyfriend an orgasm 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

If you don't hear from me in the next week I have passed away 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox 

Died from cum lol 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

Idiot 

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ACD @agcd 

My friends from highschool are having babies and my boyfriend has to trick me into drinking water by posing it as a race for first to finish the glass 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd

I win every time tho so whatever

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ACD @agcd 

Babe (platonic) dude (romantic) 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd

This sounds like a joke but I have called Nora babe since we were 14 and last night I called Henry dude after swallowing his cum I am actually so broken 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

Delete this. I'm taking away your internet access 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox 

You will not silence me 

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ACD @agcd 

Emailing my mom a photo of my passport and checking it 14 times to make sure I didn't attach a video of my sex tape which doesn't even exist 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd

Like I'm not even joking. I have never made a sex tape, but I'm still terrified that any time I attach a link it's gonna be me getting my nut off or something equally horrific. 

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ACD @agcd 

“Women in stem” this and “women in their field” that. What about women in me? 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd

This is a pegging joke 

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Henry Fox @HFox 

Born to exist peacefully in silence, forced to live with a chronic yapper. 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox 

Ok so you want me to kill myself cool

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox 

“Forced” you can just say my dick game is too good and I've got you hypnotised with my massive cock and sheer sex appeal 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

That was an inside thought. You should keep them there. Not everything needs to be tweeted. 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox 

Then literally what is the point

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Henry Fox @HFox 

Alex pausing midway through sex to tell me a fact he learnt about octopi. What is my life? 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox 

The fact was about SQUIDS you never listen to me 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

My apologies I was otherwise preoccupied by the fact that we were, as previously mentioned, having sex. 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox 

Don't let it happen again. 

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Auntie Pezza @PercyOkonjo 

Alex and Henry have a framed article in their hallway that refers to Alex in the headline as a “star spangled slut” and I think the people should know. 

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Henry Fox @HFox 

Alex has recently started referring to the room as “chat” when he talks to himself, which is a fun new update. 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox 

Chat is this real? 

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ACD @agcd 

Sometimes I look at Henry and try to figure out what type of dog he’d be but he's so kitty coded I truly can't picture it 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

I beg your finest pardon? 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox 

Then beg. 

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ACD @agcd 

Me on my second panic attack of the day with an empty stomach and a full schedule: I think coffee will definitely help in this scenario 

My tummy: ): 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

I put a bag of trail mix in your jacket pocket this morning 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox 

Did you pick out the raisins? 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

Obviously, what do you take me for? This is not my first rodeo. 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox 

Man of my dreams 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

Because I take the raisins out of your trail mix? Low bar. 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox 

And your giant dick, but mostly the raisins thing. 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

You're insufferable. 

*** 

ACD @agcd 

If you are what you eat then I'm fast, cheap and easy 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

Can confirm 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox 

Yeah, and what I'm eating is your ass, so what does that make you

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

Fast, cheap and easy, apparently. 

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ACD @agcd

Every time Henry uses britishisms, no matter how stupid and kinda gross, I sigh like an enraptured and besotted housewife 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd 

This man said “wank” “snogging” and “bellend” all within the space of five minutes today and I almost came in my pants I am down fucking ATROCIOUS 

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ACD @agcd

You could never match my sheer comedy genius 

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ACD @agcd

I ordered 40 slices of prawn toast from the place down the street with the three giant, bearded chefs who call Henry “doll” and they literally tasted incredible. Left me trembling and moaning and screaming. 

Auntie Pezza @PercyOkonjo Replying to @agcd

How was the prawn toast? 

ACD @agcd Replying to @PercyOkonjo 

Eh fine 

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ACD @agcd 

Henry just walked in, literally so stressed that he was on the brink of tears, and his first instinct was to just grab my chest and squeeze 

Noraaa @irlchaosdemon Replying to @agcd

Boob make no sad 

Retweeted by @HFox

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ACD @agcd 

In Kensington this weekend for henry’s family stuff and I'm gonna make his horse watch My Little Pony to give it body dysmorphia lol 

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ACD @agcd 

I will trans genders you've never even HEARD OF. Use pronouns that are withheld by governments you don't even know EXIST. 

Noraaa @irlchaosdemon Replying to @agcd

You tweet too much 

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ACD @agcd 

“Fem presenting” “masc presenting” I am presenting you with a dilemma (I am trying to choose an outfit and my body looks wrong in all of it. I need to be a formless shadow creature) 

ACD @agcd Replying to @agcd 

I'm wearing a regular masc outfit but underneath I'm wearing thigh high socks and women's underwear. Crisis averted 

*** 

Henry Fox @HFox

I just accidentally send a ;) instead of a :) and I feel like a slut 

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Henry Fox @HFox

Every time me and Alex are intimate, afterwards he rolls over and goes on his phone. I finally brought it up and he has confessed that he rolls over and reads articles about sharks as extra, private aftercare. 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @HFox

Update: I now read the articles out loud to him so I can partake in his habit. 

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ACD @agcd 

I accidentally said “yippee” and now he’s putting his clothes back on guys what do I do?

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ACD @agcd 

“I can see your bra strap” do you know how HARD it is to find a bra that will fit around my GIANT chest when I've got like b cups at best? I am SHOWING OFF. IT WAS EXPENSIVE. 

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ACD @agcd 

Every time people accuse me of only tweeting about being non-binary now I must remind them that I ALSO never shut up about my hot sexy ex-prince boyfriend. A man that was in line for the throne regularly sits on my face and NOT YOURS. Get fucked losers. 

***

Henry Fox @HFox 

Asking why we can't just print more money in a room with Philip and Alex just to feel something 

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ACD @agcd 

Henry stayed late at the shelter so I'm literally just sitting here entirely naked with two home cooked meals for NO REASON this is not the housewife fantasy I deserve 

Cherry @firstprincebaby Replying to @agcd 

WHY ARE YOU NAKED??? 

ACD @agcd Replying to @firstprincebaby

Trying to get laid, thought that was obvious? 

*** 

ACD @agcd 

Okay, like, not to be egotistical but it's pretty well documented that I'm buff as fuck, but no matter WHAT my arm will always shake when I fill up at pot with water in the sink. I feel like a scrawny little rat every time too. 

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ACD @agcd 

“Fuck the monarchy” with the intention of getting ridden into the mattress tonight 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

Not anymore 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox 

SCREAMING CRYING CLAWING AT THE WALLS PLEASE

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ACD @agcd 

If I were a vampire there's no WAY I'd spend all that time going to school again. I’d spend my immortal life jerking off and watching highschool musical like a grown-up. 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

The things you classify as “grown up” are fascinating 

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ACD @agcd 

Me and Henry don't argue. I say things and he just nods, kisses my cheek and says “yes dear” because I am insane but I am also his wife (we are not married) 

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ACD @agcd 

Linguini is NOT special. If you grab my hair and pull you could control me too. Henry is my remmy. 

Elouise @hgejfmw Replying to @agcd 

Inside thoughts 

ACD @agcd Replying to @hgejfmw

Don’t tell me what to do 

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Henry Fox @HFox 

Alex is going to be so annoying in about 0.3 seconds when his hands stop shaking enough to unlock his phone 

ACD @agcd 

IM ENGAGED SUCK MY DICK LOSERS 

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

Your mind is so fascinating. So many words and yet none of them mean anything 

ACD @agcd Replying to @HFox 

Come shut me up then 

*** 

ACD @agcd 

Will be offline for the next four days. I plan to spend them well-fucked, well-fed and well-endowed in bed with my hot fiance (FIANCE) please leave me alone

Henry Fox @HFox Replying to @agcd 

What they said