Chapter Text
1:
Los Angeles, CA. July.
A single strain of black hair hangs loosely across my wife's pillow. The weird thing is no one is this house has ginger hair. I'm a Burnett , my wife, Pepper is a natural blonde. The kids are both blonde. No one else should have been in our bedroom. Clint hasn't been in town in a month since we finished recording our album. Pep fired the cleaning lady last month after she caught them stealing my underwear. It's driving me nuts who's hair could it be?
Of course Pepper isn't around like usual, off working in the office or out with her so called friends. Maybe she's actually cheating on me? She's barely around lately, leaving me alone with our four year old and one year old constantly. Not that I mind I love those kids so much, they're my everything. But I don't know what I'll do if Pepper actually is cheating.
I tossed and turned all night long which turned into a week of tossing and turning. Pepper was busy with work building some high tech company or whatever. I barely listened to her talk about work, and the company. It's all she talks about. Don't get me wrong she's absolutely gorgeous and brilliant, I often question why she loves me. She could have anyone but no she chose the klutz that tripped over her train at that Grammy after party.
At the end of the week Clint and his wife Laura were in town for a charity event. I came home late after leaving the kids with them for the night.
"Hey babe? You home? Hot stuff is here! I see your car outside. The kids are with Clint and Laura!" I yell into the oversized house as I kicked off my shoes at the front door.
There's a loud thud.
Followed by a loud crash from the living room causing me to rush into the adjacent room. Pepper was laying butt ass naked for the world to see soaking wet. With Hammer her ‘Friend’ standing over her his long ginger hair going down his tan back with horse sized cock dangling over her crotch.
“Fuck you.” I spat, clenching my fists.
I felt my mind go blank, my body went stiff. I only felt anger and vile fill my throat. I quickly ran out of the house with a hand over my mouth.
I reach the car before vomiting the contents of my stomach all over the ground.
“Tony! Tony! It’s not what it looks like!” Pepper yells as she runs out behind me only wearing Hammer’s button up shirt.
“Get away from me! I do not want to see you right now.” I warn putting my hand up in front of my face not bothering to look at her. “I’m going to talk and you are going to listen. Got it?”
I take a deep breath, leaning on the side of car not wanting to turn around to face the whore. “First don’t you dare tell me it’s not what it looks like! I saw his fucking horse sized dick! I know I’m not that lucky but I’m not tiny! Second you’ll be hearing from my lawyer tomorrow. I’m not stupid I know something has been going on. I’ve just ignored it and been a good trophy husband for when we’re in the same country. Third I’m done, I’m so done. I’m not a prized stud for you to prance around while someone else watches our children. I’m my own person with his own choice.”
I turn my head slowly watching Pepper stand there shaking. “That’s it? You’re ending it. Five years of marriage down the drain?”
She did it now I lost that last strand holding me together. I started laughing darkly clutching the door to my car. “Oh honey, you ended it.”
“Fuck you, I’m going home to England.”
“Go right ahead! Take horse dick with you!” I scream as I opens the car door.
Pepper flips me off, “At least his dick got me to orgasm.”
I felt my face turn red as I drove away. My dick isn't small.
There's a soft tap on the glass as I slowly opened my eyes to day light. Clint stands in front of the car door in his running clothes looking at me confused.
opening the car door, I immediately felt all the emotions hit me a once. I start to sob as my best friend catches me before my body could hit the ground.
“Tony!? Dude! What the fuck happened?” Clint asks confused as he lifts me off the ground. “Laura!”
Laura rolls out in her wheelchair towards us, after hearing the commotion, “what’s going on? Tony? I thought you were coming back later? You’re crying, you never cry. Let’s go inside the kids are still sleeping.”
“I was right.” I choke out as I clutched my knees, Clint still behind me with his hands on my back for support. Laura in front of me rolling inside.
“Right about what?” Clint asks, not understanding.
“Perra infiel!” Laura yells in Spanish in disbelief.
Clint gasps, “You caught her cheating?”
I nod feeling my knees give out again. My best friend grabs me under the shoulders hoisting me up. “Hey I got you, let’s go in the kitchen."
Laura rolls around the kitchen forcing a bottle of orange juice in my hand and placing her special huevos rotos dish on the table in front of me. “You need to eat, you're white as a ghost.”
“I’m not hungry, I just saw someone else's dick near my wife.” I groan coldly as I take a sip of the orange juice.
Clint sits next to me and pats me on the shoulder, “Dude I’m sorry about this, but we knew this was happening. She’s barely home, and when she is around she doesn’t care about the kids. Pepper usually has you at some award show or gala like oh look at my rockstar husband. Then she doesn’t care again. Last time I saw you two in New York, Cassie was six months old and she tossed her at Laura like she was a sack of potatoes and ran off with her coworker to some important meeting. Then when I was here a few months ago to record with you she wasn’t here! You were in the studio with the kids, and she was in Europe. It’s time Tons, lawyer up.”
I shake my head as my friend talks not wanting to hear the truth. It’s not how I pictured my life when I met Pepper. I pictured this picture perfect marriage and it’s shattered and gone. When I moved to la with Clint and left New York and everyone behind. I never imagined it would have ended up like this. It was simple become famous, fall in love, get married and work together as a fantastic couple. This isn't what I wanted.
A few days later I filed for divorce.
The next day the press finds out.
“You know a heads up would have been nice. You know to get a good start on all this.” Carol my pr, complained as her wife Natasha sits next to her.
“We were just on a beach in Mexico sun bathing naked yesterday. Now we’re here cleaning up your mess. You’re lucky we love you, and charge you allot.” Nat my manager says as she watches her wife click away on her laptop.
I sigh as I swipe through the countless articles on my phone. Every one of them guessing why we spilt up, not one of them correct. I throw my phone on the other side of the room. “I need air, can you two watch the girls? I just need to go think.”
Nat nods, “Of course we can save your ass and watch our God children. We’re powerful lesbians. Go.”
Carol laughs and high fives her wife. “We got them boo. Go breathe, sleep.”
I stand up nodding before going upstairs to the old bedroom I use to share with Pepper. I haven’t been up here since I caught her. looking around the neat room and I totally lost it. Everything went flying, blankets, pillows, lamps, Knick knacks, anything. By the time I caught my breath the room was full of feathers and shattered glass. I fell to my knees and let out a loud sob.
Part of me wishes I was back in New York, not where my piece of shit father could get me. No. Back where I was happiest, in the back of that old van, with Beauty my first love. My biggest regret, saying goodbye.
-Seattle, Washington late August -
“Anthony Edward Stark!” Natasha hollers as she bolts into my dressing room unannounced, her trusty tablet and clipboard in hand.
I look up from my Daughter Cassie, to see my manger standing behind the couch with her famous resting bitch look on her face. “What did I do now? Did someone piss in your cereal again?”
"Hold on. I'm trying to get on to this shitty wi-fi." Nat shakes her head tapping at her tablet. “I’m sick of babysitting your children while you’re on stage. And so is your PA the new one, um Kate., the original one quit after Ellie locked them in the closet. I hired you a nanny, they’re completely vetted, background check, I interviewed them personally, fantastic with children, and don’t give a shit about you or your music.”
“Nat we’ve talked about this, I do not want a nanny I can handle my kids on my own. I just need someone to make sure they’re ok while I’m on stage while they sleep.” I sighed, while looking at her.
She shakes her head again looking me over, “Tony you haven’t slept since tour started two weeks ago. You need to wake up and realize what’s best for you and your kids. Your shirt is dirty and on backwards, your hair is stuck to your scalp it’s disgusting. Last night's show you looked like a bum some one dragged from the streets. Also you haven’t eaten correctly, don’t think I don’t know, I always do.”
“What does any of that have to do with me needing a nanny? You make it sound like I need to make better choices or find another woman to play mommy.”
I feel a pain in the back of my head as a hear aloud thunk. "Did you just hit me with your clipboard again?"
"You needed it." She laughs dryly while patting my head “You’re a great father who puts his children first before himself! Now look at these fucking papers and let the nanny start working you can fucking shower and do some laundry!”
I cover my toddlers ears before grabbing the clipboard she drops. “Stop cursing Cassie can hear you. She has a new favorite word because of you.”
“Relax she’s one, she was going to learn say fuck at some point. And if it is me I’ll be a proud fucking aunt.”
I shake my head looking at the papers on the clipboard, seeing everything looks perfect like she said. “Wait, what’s the nanny’s name? The top is ripped off.”
“One of the children ripped off the top as I walking over here to spit their gum into it. And I can’t get my tablet to connect to this shitty WiFi. And I can’t remember his name, it was something weird.” Nat says while rolling her eyes.
I look at her confused, squinting my eyes, “my kids are too young for gum.”
“Our oldest and only child, Clinton.” She chuckles, referring to my bandmate and best friend.
“Like you never helped with child support on that child.” I take my turn to roll my eyes, “Since I have no choice, where is this nanny you hired? And why is there no other option to choose from?”
“Well I’m glad you know that I’m not giving you an option here. I had five finalists yesterday, the last interview, only one passed. Two lied about being smokers, not a big deal but they lied. One was your biggest fan I think she was just going to try to get you in bed. And the last one was highly sexist and a huge bigot. He had the balls to ask where the man is and that only men have wives and my job. I might have hit him with the door as I forced him out.”
Natasha sits down on the couch picking up a toy for her god daughter. “Your new nanny will be here in a few minutes, I wanted to come talk to you first.”
“About What? about you forcing a nanny on me?”
She nods while looking down at Cassie playing with her toy. “Yes and to actually make sure it’s ok. I’m doing what’s best for you but I also know a nanny was a sore spot in your divorce.”
“As long as this nanny is like a babysitter and not what Pepper wanted as a nanny. It’ll be ok, I want to be the parent in their lives not the nanny.”
My manger nods looking down at her cellphone, “I have to go let him in through security, listen I don’t care as long as I don’t have to babysit anymore and you can finally shower.”
“Come on, you love watching your God child!” I yell out at my good friend as she walks towards the door.
“Once in a while, not every single day when I can’t spend time with my wife anymore. Goodbye love you both.” She blows an air kiss out to us.
I shake my head laughing softly to myself while looking down at my youngest daughter. “Your God mother is crazy, but she is right I do need a shower. Do you think a babysitter is a good idea? Are you sick of daddy and his stink?”
“I can smell you out here, you could kill anyone a quarter mile away if you stuck your armpit out.” Clint teases as he wanders into the room.
"this is coming from the guy who didn't wash his hair for four weeks because you thought it would ruin your mullet."
"Nana almost shaved my head but I learned that lesson. and I still rock my mullet."
I roll my eyes at my best friend. “Don’t you have something else better to do? Like call your wife?”
“No I was sent on strict orders from everyone because I’ve known you the longest. To force an intervention to get you to go in the shower. Or as Nat said make you go shower before she set the sprinkler system off and douses you in soap.”
"Any one of you could have watched them sooner so I could shower." I laugh at my stupid friends, while picking up the toddler. “Fine keep an eye on this one she’s chewing on anything in sight today. Ellie is off with Carol doing whatever I hired Carol for.”
“Danver is your PR person you idiot. Go bathe, I can handle the chewing machine.” Clint says while grabbing Cassie from my arms. "How are you not crying at Daddy's stink?"
"She runs around with a full diaper. She doesn't care." I laugh softly as I mess with the bracelet on my hand.
Clint looks at me confused while playing with cassie's hand. "Is that what I think it is? I haven't seen that thing in what? Twenty years?"
"Fifthteen. I think. I found it while getting all my stuff out of the house. I came across a box of old shit." I say while my fingers dance across the leather braid with one silver bead in the middle keeping the two separate braids together. "I wonder what he's up to."
"Who? Steve? Last I heard he left the army and is living with his mom in Georgia. I miss him he was a good friend. I wish you would tell me what happened between you two."
My body goes stiff at his comment, not a day goes by I haven't thought of Steve and our time in the old van in the back of the woods. And how I broke his heart. But no one knows about that beside him and I.
"I wish I knew." I lied.
Clint rolls his eyes and points towards the bathroom. "We can relive the past later. Go shower."
I nod going towards the bathroom in my dressing room. “Fine, stay here though Nat is bringing that babysitter she hired. I don’t know how it’ll work out but I promised her I’ll give it a shot.”
“Of course you listen to the crazy Russian over your best friend!” Clint yells sarcastically as I shut the bathroom door.
I step into the shower letting the hot water cascade over my bare body. I press my back against the cool tile wall closing my eyes. I was finally alone, just me and my thoughts no one else nearby. I smile softly to myself as I grabs the soap and started to sing to myself. Letting my brain escape to my thoughts.
— 2006-
“Fuck off you dipshit.” Clint grumbles while pushing me away from him, making sure to step on the flyer I dropped for the talent show. “No one wants to hear you sing. I have better things to do with my time.”
I let out a huge obnoxious fake laugh making sure to get everyone in the hallways attention. “Like what? Jerking off to that crusty playboy you found in your basement last year?”
Clint's face turned bright red with anger and embarrassment as everyone around us laughed hysterically including his so called friends next to him.
He stood over me by a foot, his tan sweaty skin was glistening in the crappy school lighting. Clint was the only kid in school to even dare to rock a mullet. No one in our grade dared to questioned him, he was captain of the football team and the school bully. “Are you trying to start trouble Stark?”
“Troubles my middle name. While yours is jerky mc jerk jerk.” I teased with an inappropriate hand gesture.
Clint's whole body turned quick before swinging his arm towards my face. I quickly dodged, tripping on my own shoelace falling backwards into another body.
“Ouch!” I heard a soft voice mumble under my body, as I tried to get up.
Clint grabbed me by my shirt yanking me up from the strange boy. “Youre dead meat you dipshit!”
A whistle blew causing Clint to drop me, his victim. “You three with me. Principles office now!” The hall monitored yelled pointing at the three of us Including the random scrawny kid I fell on.
“I didn’t do anything! I was just trying to get to my locker.” The blonde boy whined as he picked up his books from the floor.
“Follow now or you’re suspended.” The hall monitored ordered causing us to follow behind. I hated this monitor he smelled of tuna and cigarettes everyday. His black hair look painted on like not one hair on the man’s scalp could move. The mole on his chin looked like it could talk on its own.
We followed behind being forced into the waiting area in front of the principles office. The whole school could see us from the lunch room. Great.
“Sit. I’ll get the principle.”
I looked over at the mysterious blonde boy as he adjusted the books he was holding. “I’m sorry I got you involved. I didn’t know you were behind me.”
“I’m new to the school. No one sees me.” He whispered while adjusting his glasses and looking down at his shoes.
Clint softy punched my shoulder getting my attention. “Stark I swear if I get detention you’re going to be doing my homework for a month.”
I scoffed opening my mouth to speak when the principal stepped out wearing navy knee length plaid pencil skirt with a bright orange and red stripped turtle neck sweater. why would she think that matched?
She put her hands on her hips looking at the three of us with a judgmental glare in her eyes “Stark, Barton. How many times are we going to meet in here? You know what this means. Steven you just started here yesterday and you’re already in a fight.”
“It wasn’t his fault, I tripped and fell on him.”I defend the stranger the best I could.
Clint laughed before opening his stupid ass mouth. “Oh please you were dragging him in to join the fight.”
“Enough. Detention all of you. Three days, including Saturday. If you skip you will be suspended, I will call all your parents to inform them of what you’ve done. Now go to class, I’ll see you after school.” She said with her nose sticking up in the air before entering her office.
Clint jumped up his face red in anger. “Great now because of you I have to miss football practice! How am I suppose to join in high school if you keep making me skip?!”
“Me?! You’re the one that started it you jackass! My dad is going to kill me. He’s going to ground me for a month because of you!” I yelled getting in his face.
I stopped in his tracks when he heard crying, turning on my heals I noticed Steven crying into his book. Crying? How old is this kid? He needs to grow up we're in eighth grade for crying out loud. His pale skin was red around his eyes, the glasses on his nose were fogging up from the tears.
“What’s your name? Steven ? Why are you crying?” I asked standing in front of him.
He looked up at him with his crystal blue eyes, sniffling before wiping his nose on his sleeve. “Steve. I promised my mom I’d do better in this school. Now this is going on my permanent record.”
“Oh get over yourself you dork.” Clint scoffed while picking up his backpack. “I’m going to class. Later assholes.”
That day was horrible just the waiting for detention wasn’t the only thing on my mind. Getting through that was fine Steve sat in the corner silent. Clinty and I just gave each judgmental stares every so often. Now it’s time to face the hardest part of my dad. Howard.
I didn’t want to face my father, he was going to hate that I got in trouble again. The man was impossible to deal with he doesn’t like anything I did. He only thinks his opinions are correct and no one else’s, he doesn’t see two different sides of the a story. Only the one side he’s been told, sometimes it works in my favor but not that often.
It was after his strict dinner time of six pm by the time I finally walked the four mile walk home. The sun was starting to set my coat wasn’t as warm as it should be for the weather. Quietly I opened the front door and my nose was met with the wonderful warm smell of lasagna. Before I takes another step inside I felt a stiff hand grab his shoulder.
“Where have you been boy? You want to tell me? I talked to your principal today.” my father questioned as he pinned me against the wall.
My heart started to thump in my chest as he looked me dead in the eyes. His eyes were black, like no soul was present. I could smell the whisky on his breath. Some preacher he is.
I gulped trying to move my hands to attempt to push him off of me. “I’m sorry sir, Clint was trying to punch me and I ducked-“
“I don’t want to hear it! I’m sick of your lies!” He hissed as he undid his belt with one hand. “Now bend over and recite your prays. Ten spanks per day of detention. If you screw up your prayers I start over!” He barked as he forced me to bend over.
My father the deacon everyone, the lord came first in his mind. Every error someone makes in their life can just be fixed like that with a prayer and all your troubles are gone. God just forgives you just like that and you’re squeaky clean like you did nothing wrong. My father just believes this nonsense, once he’s done spanking he’ll say his Hail Mary and think he’s clean and be approved for heaven. Everything in me hopes he’s wrong, but from what he knows from going to church every Sunday he’s right. Gotta love being Irish Catholic.
This happens almost every week, sometimes more than once if I dont act as God sees. Being the oldest of ten kids I have to set the example, if my little brother Tommy sees me do something wrong, our father believes he won’t make the same mistake. Like the good deacon was never young, he’s always been such a saint.
“Go straight to bed, I want no part of you, no food just bed and homework. Don’t forget your nightly prayers, you need them.” Father grumbled when he finally finished his thirty spanks.
That night while I tried to sleep my mother stood in the doorway holding my baby brother Elijah. mom looked like she was crying, while Elijah was snuggled in sucking on his pacifier like nothing was wrong. I heard foot steps in my room and he quickly closed his eyes. I felt my mother’s lips on my forehead and Elijah’s tiny hand lightly tug my hair.
“I love you so much Anthony, I’m sorry for your father’s ways. He believes in the lords word so much, he forgets his own way. Sleep well, if you’re hungry I left food where your father won’t look. You know where.”
My mom always knew when I was faking sleep just to get away from my father’s rage. We had a silent agreement, when he’d try to starve me she would leave a sandwich or leftovers in the cabinet above the fridge where my father never looked.
I will always love her for that.
----
Suddenly the shower curtain rips open, I feel this involuntary shriek come out of my mouth without warning. Clint is standing there breaking me from my thoughts of the past.
“What the hell is wrong with you?!” I scream while attempting to cover myself with my hands.
“He’s your babysitter!” He yells, not caring seeming to care that I'm naked.
I looked at him confused and feeling embarrassed. “Who’s he?! This couldn’t wait til I was out of the shower! I was enjoying my time alone then-“
“You can masturbate later this is more important! Stevey is outside! He’s your babysitter!” Clint yells emphasizing each sentence with a clap.
I drop the soap looking at my best friend in shock. “Stevey, you mean Steve?. The Steve we went to school with. The Steve I haven’t spoken to since we left New York. Stevey took this job? Why would he do that?”
“Yes that Steve, the same one who we were best friends with in high school! I’m just here to give you a warning!” Clint warns before turning around and running out of the bathroom before I could punch him.
“Fuck!” I scream clutching my hair, and stomping my feet. Clint has always been suspicious of us with how close we once were. When we moved to LA Steve was never allowed to be spoken about. Clint never asked me, he's always been a good friend. I could never get the balls to tell him about my relationship with Steve.
I stand there huffing, stewing, plotting. How am I to face the boy I left all those years ago? The boy I once loved with every fiber in my being. I swore I would never see Steve ever again, and here he is right outside that door. Why would Steve take this job knowing what we once were?
I finish my shower while debating how to face my first lover. My deepest secret was right outside that door, how am I to look at him and act like he’s a complete stranger or that everything is normal between us?
After throwing on clean clothes I walk out with my head down on my phone looking at nothing.
“Oh my God Tony, this is such a small world. Clint was just telling me that I hired your high school friend Stevey. That’s so funny, I had no clue. Stevey you didn’t say anything, it didn’t pop up in your background check.” Nat fake laughs with concern in her voice, this huge fake barbie smile plastered on her face as she punches Clint in the shoulder. “Tony why do you look like you want to murder someone? Is this not ok? Clint did you do something?”
I look up to see Steve standing there more flamboyant than ever. He really did have a growth spurt after I left. And holy crap did he bulk up he's no longer the small twig I once knew. He was now all muscles, at least a half foot taller then me but still with a hundred watt smile. He sporting bright blue hair that faded to his natural blonde hair. Steve looks far different from the skinny scared boy I once knew and loved. He's now a strong gorgeous hunk, not that shy boy in the back of the rusty van on those hot summer nights. I spent all these years trying to forget him, with not much success he would always pop up in my thoughts when I am least expecting it. Something stupid would remind me of him every so often. Now here he is in the flesh vibrant and happy.
I shake my head at Nats questions, “I’m good Clint just scared me in the shower. It’s just been so long since we’ve seen each other. How did you find out about the job Steve?”
He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly looking over at Natasha, “The service you hired me from didn’t mention who I was working for. Only that it was what I was looking for which is a traveling nanny and that it was for a musician. That’s it, when you interviewed me and asked about my music taste then how I felt about their music. I thought you were just wondering about my music taste. I didn’t catch on til after you hired me and I got the papers.” Steve confesses nervously, while looking between me and Nat's glare. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything after, I really need this job. I swear we only lost contact nothing bad.”
I fake cough, causing Clint to elbow me hard in the ribs.
Natasha chews her lip looking over at Clint and I before back at Steve. “Listen I have a one strike rule, you're pushing it right now being that it’s day one. But he needs a babysitter and you were the best option. If there’s any sense of problems or concern you get a one way ticket back to New Hampshire.”
“New York.” Clint corrects, earning dagger stare from Mellisa. “Sorry, want to make sure you send him to the right state if you fire him. I mean it is one of the most known states, they're kind of close to each other. It's a long bus ride though. I’ll just shut up now.”
“Good luck, father dearest over here will write you a list and tell you what he needs from you to take care of his lovely children. I will correct him if I find him dirty and not sleeping again.” Natasha says to Steve while looking down at her phone before walking out.
Steve takes a deep breath before looking up the two of us who use to be his favorite people in the world. “She’s really scary.”
“Steve-O!” Clint hollers before hugging him with wide open arms. “Look at you! You look so different and fantastic! How have you been? You're so much taller!"
“I’m good, you look exactly the same. Even your hair are you ever going to get rid of that mullet?” Steve laughs gesturing to Clint's unique outdated hair style.
Clint wolf whistles and moves his hair around. “No im keeping this baby forever. It’s with me to the end. My wife Laura knows to never let anyone shave this off.”
“Daddy!” Ellie screams, immediately gaining my attention; as she burst into the dressing room. stopping in front of Steve. “Who you?”
I get down on my knees to Ellie’s height, “We don’t point Noodle, this is Mr. Stevey. He’s going to be your teacher and watch you while daddy is busy.”
“Bee? Like a bumble bee?” Ellie asks with a big smile looking up at the new stranger.
"No noodle. Steve with an S not B." I say correcting her.
Beau smiles at her softly, before kneely next to me to look at my oldest. “You can call me Bee.”
Ellie giggles, “Hi Bee! Your hair is pretty!”
“Thank you sweetheart, so is yours. I’m guessing daddy didn’t do it.” Steve chuckles while gently playing with her pigtails.
I roll my eyes, “I can take care of my girls, pig tails aren’t that hard.”
Clint laughs hysterically, “Yeah ok, that’s why Carol had to fix her giant rat nest this morning.”
Steve joins in laughing, “I knew it.”
“Shut up both of you. I’m going to go eat.” I huffs as I walk away from them.
Cassie toddles behind me, “Daddy! num nums!”
I turn to pick up my young toddler. “Scratch that Cassie and I are going for food. Ellie stay with uncle Clint.”
Ellie didn’t either bother to look at me she was to busy with her new friend.