Chapter Text
Remus was fucking terrified.
To be fair, a lot of things scared Remus, even if he pretended they didn’t. Like spiders, horses, heights, stairs, the dark, being alone in a forest, death, the list goes on. The one thing he hadn’t realised he was shit scared of until now was moving across the entire fucking world for a year. But now that he was standing in Christchurch International Airport at 2pm on a Tuesday (the most normal time of the week for literally anyone else) waiting for his luggage, it hit him like a bus.
Actually scratch that, a freight train felt more accurate.
It made Remus' chest ache almost as much as his poor legs after sitting on a cramped airplane for over 24 hours, even if he had gotten up to wander around a fair few times. The feeling grew and twisted into an anxious chant of what have I done what have I done what have I done until he saw one of his chunky bags making its way down the conveyor belt. He slowly dragged his feet forwards to grab it and throw it onto the trolley he had collected when he saw his second bag. He repeated the action, feeling sluggish and groggy. Why did sleeping on a plane have to be impossible for him?
The taxi drive to his hall, the place he was to live for the next year, passed in a blur. Remus was too busy nitpicking every action and decision he had made to end up here. Why did he choose to do an exchange year? He didn’t like change. Why did he choose New Zealand, possibly the furthest away he could get from home? He was comfortable at home. Why had he gone for a year? There were shorter options.
Before Remus could drive himself into a blank episode as he so often did when he was stressed, he was at the hall. Hogwarts Hall it was called. Remus thought this was an odd name for a hall but didn’t dare complain when one of the other, more expensive halls was called Beauxbatons. Hogwarts Hall was a huge, old brick building. It was several stories tall and sprawled out to either side of where he was standing, taking up almost the whole block. It was kind of intimidating, Remus vaguely thought.
He stepped inside and collected his keys from the Hall "Parent", as he’d called himself, Albus. Albus explained that his corridor "mum" (what was with this guy and parental figures) Minerva would help him find his room and get settled before directing him down a nicely lit hallway.
Remus wandered down it to find a stern looking lady with glasses perched upon her nose sitting behind a meticulously clean desk. He assumed it to be Minerva and his suspicions were confirmed when he spotted a little plaque with Minerva McGonagall engraved on it. She looked up without smiling and Remus distinctly felt like a small child being scolded.
"Uhm, hi, I’m, uh, Remus Lupin. Albus said that I should, uh, come down this corridor?" He stuttered through his pathetic introduction and cringed internally at how unsure he sounded. Minerva just nodded curtly and got up from behind her desk after glancing down at a piece of paper.
"Nice to meet you Remus. Welcome to Gryffindor corridor." She said curtly, not extending a hand but instead offering a small, tight smile. "Your room is just down here." She turned on her heel and briskly walked away, leaving Remus to awkwardly lug his bags behind her.
Reaching a door, Minerva pulled out a key and unlocked it, letting him enter ahead of her as she explained,
"This is your room. As you just saw, I have the master keys, but I will only ever use them in an emergency or if you have lost your key, which I sincerely hope you do not. There is a small bathroom attached to your room and showers and a communal kitchen are down the hallway and to the left and right respectively." She pointed down the hall as she stepped back into it. "Unless you have any questions I will leave you to get settled and see you downstairs at dinner."
Remus nodded, trying to process the information that had been dumped on him.
"Yeah, thank you. I’ll, uhm, see you then I guess." He managed to push out. Minerva just nodded again before disappearing back down the corridor. Remus shut the door and turned back around to survey his room.
It wasn’t a big room, but it wasn’t small either. A low bed was pushed into the far corner next to a window with a windowsill deep enough to sit in. At the foot of the bed there was a door that Remus assumed was the bathroom and on the wall across from it was a decently sized desk next to a small wardrobe. The walls were an average off white colour and the floor was a scuffed vinyl the colour of puke. Remus decided then and there that he had to buy a cheap rug to cover the floor. But that could wait for another day. He set his bags down beside the bed and sat down.
He should call his mum. He had flicked her a quick message when he was waiting to step off the plane but Hope would be wanting to know how the long hours spent traveling were and what he thought of his new home.
Home.
It didn’t feel like home.
Home was back in Sweden. Whether that was at his parent’s house or the dingy flat he had shared with some friends.
He should text his friends too. Especially Marlene. She was always worrying for him in that quiet way of hers. Remus wondered what his best friend was doing right now. Probably sleeping considering the 12 hour time difference. Shit. Twelve hours. Remus had never been so far from home. The thought sent him back into a swirling storm of anxious thoughts.
How was he supposed to cope so far from home. He had no friends here. He knew no one. Had no one to trust. He was completely alone.
Alone.
Again.
Scoffing at himself, Remus lay back and put a hand over his eyes. He was pathetic.
Pathetic.