Archive of Our Own

Edward stands in front of the door that leads into Mustang's office with a racing heart.

It's a different door in a different building in a completely different part of the country, but standing hesitantly in front of the door like this makes it feel exactly like three years ago, when Ed had come to see Mustang so that he could confess his feelings to him, but was promptly rejected. Though he still managed to get Mustang to kiss him somehow, which, admittedly, was pretty nice.

Still... what a total fucking idiot he was back then.

He was so naive. Naive and stupid and much too starry-eyed. He doesn't know how he ever thought it was a good idea to show up that night and just tell Mustang that he fucking loved him. It was just an insane thing to do, even with the excuse that he was only fifteen. He just had too many unrealistic hopes about what could possibly come of it if he confessed, but deep down he knew, even then, that no matter what was said, it was never going to end well for him. There was no way he was going to walk out of there getting what he wanted – not that he really knew what he was even asking for to begin with. So all he really did in the end was hurt himself and put Mustang in a terrible position, and frankly, he still kind of feels guilty about it, even to this day.

But he learned from it, that's for sure. And if he hadn't done it, he wouldn't be standing here right now, trying to work up the courage to knock and finally talk to the man about what happened back then for the first time in three long years. Telling Mustang wasn't all bad, but unfortunately there were still more cons than pros after all was said and done.

For months after the... incident – as Ed often likes to refer to it – he couldn't even be in the same room with Mustang without feeling flustered. Ed could barely look at him without remembering what it felt like to get to kiss him, recalling the way Mustang had gently touched his cheek and pulled him in so close that Ed could barely even breathe as their lips pressed together.

Thinking of it always did things to him to the point where he would often get lost in a daydream, which unfortunately was a bit of an issue. Ed tried to forbid himself from ever thinking about it, but of course, that never actually worked. So Ed decided that he definitely couldn't let himself be alone with the man, lest he do or say something stupid and fuck everything up again. He tried desperately to avoid that at all costs – he avoided Mustang as much as possible without it being suspicious, which, in the end, meant he saw Mustang about as much as he normally ever did. So nothing really changed, but at least Ed tried to do something about the problem. It wasn't his fault that it never worked.

When they were around each other, Ed often found himself stealing glances when no one was looking, his longing stares lingering a little too long sometimes to the point that Mustang would occasionally catch him and give him an almost sad, yet knowing smile, but never more than that. Sometimes he wouldn't even acknowledge Ed at all. Ed still isn't sure which of the two was the more preferable option. He would just never know how to feel about any of it, never know how to react – sometimes he was embarrassed, especially if he got caught, other times he was disappointed or sad, or even annoyed, but he would always get over it. And since he could never help himself, it kept happening – his eyes always found Mustang if they were ever in the same room. It was almost like a fucking curse. Ed was hopelessly and pathetically in love with the man (still is), and he knew that Mustang knew it too, but they didn't ever address it. It was too dangerous to talk about it again.

And that's just how things were. That's how they would be for the next couple of years. And Ed could do nothing but reluctantly accept it and wait until the time when perhaps he would be allowed to do something. However, even though Mustang had promised him they could one day talk about Ed's feelings again, nothing was set in stone. There was always a chance Ed would never be able to bring it up again due to various little things that could get in the way without him being able to help it, such as Mustang entering into a relationship. It was a little frustrating having it be so out of his control, but Ed made it work and tried to stay hopeful, against his better judgment. It would've been easier to just move on, but he couldn't. He really tried, but he just couldn't.

So even now, they still haven't ever talked about what happened that night, as per their odd little agreement. But they've never had to talk about it – Ed knew that the way he looked at Mustang when he thought that the man wasn't paying attention had already said plenty for him, especially whenever he was caught. And sometimes Ed would catch him staring too, but very rarely. It always made Ed wonder if perhaps he wasn't the only one still thinking about that night so long ago.

And Ed sure did think about it. Probably to an unhealthy extent, even – the memory of that kiss spawned dozens of concupiscent dreams that the contents of which always had him waking up flushed and uncomfortably hard and embarrassed, so much so that it became a slight problem for a little while.

At least Al always mistook his dreams for nightmares, which became its own problem for a bit. Having dreams about something that he wanted but was likely to never actually happen was hard enough. Unfortunately, it was even more difficult to have Al constantly worrying about Ed's mental state on top of that, due to him thinking that Ed was having an alarming amount of nightmares all of a sudden. But at least that was something that Ed could deal with without wanting to die from shame. He couldn't bear to tell Al the mortifying truth, preferring to just be asked if he was feeling depressed for the billionth time instead.

And well, he kind of was depressed too, but that's besides the point. However, things did get easier, after a while – Ed kept himself busy most of the time, which helped. He and Al had a lot to do and places to be and it was easy to stay distracted and not think about Mustang.

And there were long periods of time when Ed and Mustang wouldn't see each other, so Ed would start to think that he was finally over him... but then the very second that they were in each other's presence once more, Ed could feel his desire for the man come back with full force, making things just a little harder to deal with all over again. To combat this, he would once again try to avoid Mustang as much as possible, but sometimes he wouldn't be able to help himself and would stop by to see him on a whim – though of course he still made sure that they were never, ever alone together, if he could help it. He was a bit afraid of what could happen, though nothing ever did – thankfully.

Not that Ed didn't want anything to happen – he did, so fucking badly – but he just didn't want to screw things up before the time was right. And he knew that if he really couldn't move on, then there would someday be a right time, if he were lucky. So he waited and waited, and some days it was difficult and he thought it might not be worth it, that maybe he should once again try to get over what he felt, but... in the end, he held in there.

Weeks passed, turning to months and then years. In all this time that has passed since the night of the incident, Ed's feelings have never once actually waned, not even a little. In fact, he's pretty sure they only ever grew stronger – every rare time they touched, it felt like there was electricity in his veins, sparks shooting up his spine, his stomach twisting itself into knots. Every look had left him breathless and squirming and aching for something more. Even when they fought and Ed had wanted nothing more than to kick Mustang's ass, he never stopped loving that man. It probably makes him a fool, but he doesn't really care all that much. He already knows that he's a fool.

He's such a fool, in fact, that he's standing here now, three years later, outside Mustang's office, ready to finally talk about everything. He's waited long enough – the time is definitely right, he thinks, and yet... he hesitates at the door.

Part of him is afraid of another rejection – it hurt enough the first time, and he isn't sure if he can handle Mustang shooting him down again. Besides, it's pretty late (already after midnight now) and he also hasn't seen the man in a while, so he's just a little nervous, but... he knows he just has to just do it – the longer he waits, the more nervous he'll get, and the more nervous he gets, the longer he'll wait. The cycle will continue until he gives up and does nothing. And he didn't come here just to give up and run away like a coward. He's done this before, and he can do it again, can't he?

So he prepares himself mentally, takes a deep breath, and then he sets his traveling trunk down and finally knocks on the door.

He hears footsteps approaching the door from the inside, and it feels like it takes forever until it opens to reveal the man that's been on Ed's mind almost nonstop since he was fifteen years old.

"Oh, Fullmetal," Mustang says upon seeing him. He sounds surprised, but pleasantly so, looking him over. Edward shifts under his gaze, his heart racing. "I... wasn't expecting to see you."

"Sorry, I know it's late," Ed utters, rubbing the back of his neck. "I know I should've called first, but..."

It was easier to come when Mustang wouldn't be aware of it. He doesn't say it, keeping it to himself.

Mustang just looks at Ed for a moment and then seems to realize he should probably do or say something. "No, it's all right," he replies. "Please, Fullmetal, come in." He steps aside and gestures for Ed to enter.

It's been at least a few months since they've seen each other, maybe a little longer. There's no reason for it in particular, it's just that Ed's been busy with a lot of things and hasn't had the time to stop by. Plus, he's been trying to prepare himself for this moment for a while, having planned this trip weeks ago. But he's glad to be here now, to see the general again.

He decides that Mustang looks as good as ever – he's dressed in his uniform as always, but the coat is missing, leaving him in just the pants and a plain white button-up, the sleeves rolled up to show off his forearms. Also, he's surprisingly clean shaven. He looks tired, but still... good. Handsome. The sight of him kind of takes Ed aback just a little, but he does his best to keep his cool and just tries not to stare too much.

"You know you don't have to call me that anymore, General," he tells Mustang with a smile, pushing past the man to enter the office, their shoulders brushing when he does so. Mustang closes the door behind him as he carries on, "I stopped being a military dog forever ago. I'm just a regular old civilian now."

"Right, right, of course," the general replies with a small smile, following Ed as he moves over to the twin sofas and ungracefully throws himself down onto the left one, limbs splayed out over the cushions. He looks at Mustang, who's just watching him with an odd look on his face, but it fades almost instantly. "I always seem to forget. Old habits, I guess. You know. Well, it's good to see you, Edward. How have you been? How is Alphonse? Is he here in Central with you?"

"He's doing good," Ed answers, watching Mustang now move to take a seat on the opposite sofa. Ed then averts his gaze to somewhere safer, like the coffee table in between them. "And no, he stayed behind in Resembool. We just got back from another trip to Xing about two weeks ago – been working on our alkahestry again, spent some time with Ling and May... you know. Al is pretty hellbent on seeing if there is still any possible way I can get my missing limbs back using alkahestry, but I keep telling him that I've made peace with the way I am now and it's not worth the trouble anymore."

Ed turns his gaze to the ceiling and keeps talking. "I'm just happy he's back in his own body, you know? I always say that I think he's just in denial when he keeps insisting that there has to be a way to get back what I've sacrificed, and then he tells me that he won't give up on me. I tell him the only way to do what he wants is to use a Philosopher's Stone, or to sacrifice something else in exchange for what I've lost, and that it's not worth it, and then our arguments about it usually end there. So yeah... I mean, I guess I've been all right in spite of everything. How about yourself, General?"

Ed glances back towards Mustang and sees him wave his hand dismissively. "Please – just Roy is fine," he says, and Ed suddenly realizes that he isn't sure if he's ever called or referred to Roy directly by his first name before – at least, not without his ranking and surname also present. Somehow it makes things feel a little more intimate between them.

Roy reaches for a mug on the coffee table and takes a sip from it before speaking again. "I've been well, I suppose. Been busy, as usual, but... I'm doing fine enough."

Ed gives him another smile, nodding. "Glad to hear it. Also... I'm glad to see that you've shaved off that terrible mustache."

Roy makes a face and reaches up to touch his upper lip with his free hand. "It wasn't that bad..."

Ed just laughs. "It was that bad," he insists. "I don't think anyone liked it but you. I don't even believe that you liked it."

Roy rolls his eyes. "All right, all right. Enough about the mustache. You've made your point."

"You look better without it," Ed accidentally tells him, the words slipping out without his permission. He swallows when he realizes he has said it aloud, going quiet. Roy doesn't comment on it, setting his cup back down with a small smile.

"Anyway, I think they'll have me transfer back out to Eastern HQ again," he says, getting back on topic. "I don't know why they decided to bring me all the way back out here to Central last year when I got promoted again, but I hope I get to go back to the east. If I do, maybe we'll get to see each other more often, since it'll be a lot closer. Maybe I'll come see you in Resembool for once – it's been a while since I was last there."

Ed's heart almost skips a beat, but he tries to appear calm. "I'd like that, yeah. Al and I have been slowly working on getting our old house reconstructed, so you should definitely come by and see it sometime once it's finished."

Roy gives him a nod. "All right, then it's settled. We'll have to work something out."

"Yeah, we will," Ed says in agreement, feeling a little flustered all of a sudden.

After that, things begin to drift towards a slightly awkward silence until Roy eventually asks, "So what brings you all the way back out here to Central anyway? If you just got back from Xing so recently, I would imagine you'd want a break from traveling for a little while. Then again, I guess you never could sit still for too long."

Ed doesn't know how to answer the question. Truthfully, it's because he's ready to talk about what happened between them, but he isn't really sure how to go about bringing it up, and it feels too direct to just spit it out right now – he needs to ease into it a little. He shrugs then, aiming for a mildly suggestive tone when he says, "I guess... I just wanted to see you. I mean... it's been a while, you know?"

Roy doesn't seem to pick up on the tone, or at least, if he does, he apparently just chooses to ignore it. "Oh, is that so?" he asks, keeping his own tone light, and Edward scowls inwardly, feeling like he's doing it on purpose. Bastard. "It has been a while. This was a nice surprise. It is pretty late, though – you're lucky I didn't go home yet."

"Yeah, I arrived later than expected but decided to just come anyway and hope you were still around," Ed says, slightly dismissive. It is the truth, but if it were any other day, any other person, any other situation, he still would've waited until the morning before stopping by. He takes a breath and sits up before changing the subject, finally getting to part of the point of this visit. "So, how are things with Lieutenant Hawkeye? Did you ever ask her out?"

It comes out as playfully teasing and slightly supportive, but all Ed is really doing is fishing for information on Mustang's current relationship status. After all, Ed isn't going to bother trying to pursue him if he's happy and in a committed relationship with Hawkeye or some other woman or something. It just wouldn't be right.

Roy settles back into his seat and crosses his legs. Ed stares at them for a moment, but before he can be caught, he instead shifts his focus onto the mug sitting on the table.

"No," Roy answers after a moment, seeming embarrassed when he rubs the back of his neck. "And I don't plan to, either. Riza and I have talked about it a lot and I think we'd both prefer to keep things exactly the way that they have been between us. We want to stay good friends and nothing more – changing the nature of our relationship could end up complicating things way too much for us, and neither of us are willing to risk it."

Feeling much too relieved at that answer, Ed just nods. But he has to be sure of something before he proceeds with what he came here for.

"You love her though, don't you?" he asks carefully, his voice coming out much too soft for his liking – he's worried that Roy will be able to tell that he's afraid of the answer.

Roy glances down at his hands that sit in his lap. Ed follows the gaze, watching the way he picks at a loose thread on his pants, avoiding eye contact. Ed guesses that it must be complicated.

"Of course I do," Roy responds eventually, almost too quiet for Ed to hear. But he does hear it, his heart sinking momentarily, and then Roy keeps speaking. "I always have and probably always will. But the way I love her has drastically changed over the years – at one point in time when we were much younger, it could definitely have been considered romantic. But at some point within the last couple of years, that all faded, and now I'm content with having her just be my closest friend and right-hand woman."

Ed takes a moment to reply, trying to calm himself. "Fair enough – I respect that," he manages with a cough. Another moment then passes, and he adds, "And I think I understand completely. Winry... she had actually confessed to me and asked me out a long while back, but... I kinda turned her down. She was a little sad about it but also pretty understanding, thankfully. Still... I feel bad about breaking her heart. I'm just glad that she didn't start crying, at least."

He lets out an awkward chuckle, but he recalls how hard it had been to see her hopeful look turn to one of disappointment before his very eyes. He wonders if Roy felt similarly when he turned Ed down that night – if Ed had looked like Winry did upon having his heart broken, and if Roy had felt just as awful hurting him. Winry didn't get angry like Ed did, though, and also unlike Ed, she didn't argue with him, or beg him to kiss her. She just apologized and told Ed to forget she ever said anything at all. Ed had felt like that worst person in the world that day.

Also, he did actually make Winry cry. She didn't do it in front of him, of course, but he swore that after they all went to bed that night, he could hear her sobbing softly in her bedroom when he passed by on his way to the bathroom. He had politely ignored it, knowing that attempting to comfort her when he was the one to break her heart in the first place wouldn't have been a good idea. It would've probably only upset her further, or she would've denied being upset and pushed him away, or something like that. But it only made him feel worse that she was crying over him, and even more so because he just ignored her and went back to bed. He didn't get much sleep that night.

It was hard to look at her after that – whenever he did, he could see how much she tried to hide that she was hurting inside. He related all too much to her in those moments, and he briefly considered telling her about the incident with Roy – omitting the kiss, though, of course. He thought that if he maybe shared his own experience with heartbreak then it could possibly bring her some small amount of comfort, knowing that she wasn't alone in how she felt. But after talking about it with Al and asking for his advice, Ed realized that it would probably just end up being cruel to tell her, so he kept it to himself and tried to figure out a different way to navigate being around her without constantly feeling guilty.

It was impossible, and unfortunately, things didn't get better, so Ed and Winry grew even further apart for a while.

And then Winry had apparently found out that Ed had feelings for someone else anyway. They had been up one night, talking – it was the first time in a while that Ed had felt somewhat comfortable being alone around her again. She had turned to him after a while and quietly told him that she knew that he had feelings for someone else, someone that he couldn't be with. Ed was surprised but he didn't deny it and Winry had given him a sad smile and confessed that Al had told her, and that things suddenly made a lot more sense, knowing the truth.

Ed was a little pissed, but Winry asked him not to be mad at Al for telling, since he was only trying to help mend Ed and Winry's suddenly rocky relationship and thought that it would help, and she confessed that it actually did help. Winry had said that she understood Ed better now, that she wasn't mad at Ed, that she didn't blame him for anything, and that he couldn't help how he felt. It was a bit of a relief to hear her say that.

Ed had then asked her if Al told her who Ed had feelings for, and she had confirmed that he told her it was Mustang, but then said that Al didn't give her much more information than that. Ed had lied and said that there wasn't much more to it than that anyway and then he apologized for hurting her, telling her that he knew exactly how she felt. She apologized back to him, telling him that she was sorry that he was going through the same thing. They had hugged each other then, and haven't really talked about any of it since.

Ed is glad that they've been back on good terms since that night. He had made sure to thank Al for his help, too. After all, without him going behind Ed's back to tell Winry the truth, they may have never talked it out, and they probably would've drifted apart completely, still friends but just barely, never to be the same as they were before.

Ed can't even imagine it. Winry is someone who has just always been there in his life, just like Al, and if their relationship had completely fallen apart for good, Ed wouldn't have been able to forgive himself for it.

Roy just watches Ed now, expressionless. "Why did you turn her down?" he questions gently, seemingly curious, but Ed can't help but to wonder if he's also fishing for information or something. Though maybe that's just wishful thinking.

Ed smiles, slightly embarrassed. "I just don't feel that way about her," he answers, turning his face away from Roy and sitting up a little more now, his smile fading. "I guess that I used to, once upon a time, when we were little – or at least I thought that I did. But things are different now, you know? It's been different for a long time."

He sighs a little, wondering if Roy can tell what he's been hinting at since he got here or not.

Roy just chuckles at him then, and Ed looks over, slightly confused.

"You're still little," is all the man says, arms crossed, a stupid smirk on his face. Ed thinks that Roy only says it to get a reaction out of him (probably payback for the mustache comments), since he has grown taller in the past three years. He's still shorter than Roy, of course, mostly since he kept his automail, which unfortunately stunted his growth a bit, but the top of his head reaches at least around Roy's eyes or so now, when before he only came up to just below his chin. It isn't much, but it's still something.

Ed just rolls his eyes. "Oh, shut up, you liar," he replies, but he's back to smiling again. "I've grown a lot and you know it."

Roy chuckles. "So it would seem."

A few moments pass in silence and then Ed decides that maybe it's time to get to the point. The comment about him growing works as a nice segue into what he wants to say next, so he casually announces, "You know... it was actually my birthday yesterday. I was going to say today, but forgot that it's after midnight already."

Roy keeps watching him, eyes slightly narrowing now. "Is that so? Well, happy birthday, then. I hope it was a good one."

Ed toys with the bottom hem of his sleeveless t-shirt, humming. "Thanks, it was fine. Spent some time with Al and Winry and Granny Pinako, mostly. Teacher came by too. It was nice. And yeah – I'm eighteen now." He says the last part deliberately, hoping it gets Roy's attention, and then he puts extra emphasis on his next sentence: "Officially an adult."

Roy is quiet, but a quick glance up at him tells Ed that he must be pretty aware of where this conversation is going. He's got an unreadable expression on his face, but Ed just knows that the both of them are now thinking about what happened three years ago.

Roy had told him that he wanted Ed to be at least eighteen before they talked about Ed's feelings for him again. Ed wasn't really sure why, since he was pretty sure he would technically be allowed to enter a relationship with someone much older than himself when he turned sixteen, if that's what he wanted – and at the time, it would've been only a few months before that happened – but for some reason, Roy specifically said eighteen, when Ed would finally be recognized as an adult, and Ed had respected that and waited. After all, he wasn't in a position to argue when Roy could've just told him to fuck off and leave.

So now here he is now, at eighteen – not a moment sooner. And he's ready to have that conversation.

Eventually, Roy clears his throat and tells him, his voice sounding a little strained, "Right. Well, the guys and I will have to take you out for drinks while you're still in Central, to celebrate you joining us in adulthood."

It seems like a last-ditch effort to try to keep things light and casual, but Ed won't let him get out of his promise. He nods at Roy's words, keeping quiet. Roy doesn't speak either. The room is full of tension.

"Did you really mean... what you said before?" Ed inquires after several long moments pass, keeping it slightly vague. He looks down at his own mismatched hands for a second and then once again lets his eyes flicker up to Roy's face, seeing him raise a questioning eyebrow.

"When?" he asks, but Edward thinks Roy secretly knows and just wants to hear Ed say it, probably playing dumb on purpose just to fuck with him or something stupid like that. "What exactly are you referring to?"

Ed feels his cheeks grow warmer from a mixture of embarrassment and frustration. He guesses he'll have to be very direct about it, then.

"When you said that we could revisit our... conversation," he explains patiently, voice quieter now, and there's no way they aren't on the same page now, if they weren't before. "I know that you know the one I'm talking about. You said we could discuss it again, provided that the circumstances were right and all, or... whatever you said – it's been a long time. Anyway, if you did mean it, then I was hoping that we could maybe talk, since, well... I'm eighteen now, like I said."

Roy is quiet for some time. Ed nervously waits for him to say something, his heart thumping away.

"I suppose that I did make you a promise that we could talk about it when you were older," Roy says eventually, but he's not looking at Ed, seemingly a little tense. "And here you are – older. I'm a man of my word, so I guess I don't intend to break that promise. Go ahead and... say what you want to say."

"Okay," Ed responds awkwardly, but he suddenly doesn't know what to say, fidgeting. "First, I guess I should apologize for... putting you in a terrible position the way that I did. I understand now how uncomfortable you must've been, but I know that at the time I wasn't being very considerate of you and kept trying to argue with you in hopes it would somehow make you change your mind. It was stupid."

Roy just shrugs. "You were fifteen," he says, like it's a good enough excuse. Ed thinks that it isn't.

"Still, I'm sorry. I should've been more... respectful."

Roy waves a dismissive hand. "You've never really been the respectful type. Really, Ed, don't worry about it."

Ed nods again and sits there for a moment. He swallows, trying to figure out how to word what exactly he wants to say next.

In the end, he just bluntly states, "Nothing has changed, by the way."

Roy just stares at him for what feels like a very long time before asking, in a low voice, "Does that mean...?"

He trails off and doesn't finish the sentence. But he doesn't have to – Edward once again nods in response, flushed.

"I still feel the same, yeah," he admits, his eyes on his boots, unable to look at Roy anymore right now. He wanted to talk about this, but it feels a lot harder than he'd imagined in his head. He wets his lips and tries speaking again. "I mean, it's not even like I didn't at least try to stop feeling this way. I did try. Nothing worked. I didn't mean to stay... interested in you, but I just couldn't do much about it, and eventually I just accepted that things weren't gonna change. I tried to hide it from you and pretend that those feelings were gone, but I'm pretty sure you always knew the truth. I don't think I was ever convincing enough – I always stupidly gave myself away."

Roy sighs deeply at that, letting his head tilt back, face turned up towards the ceiling. Ed watches him. "Yeah, I guess I did always know, but I hoped that I was wrong, or just imagining things," he murmurs, and Ed bites the inside of his cheek, feeling even more embarrassed. Roy drags a hand over his face. "God, Ed, the way that you used to look at me. It killed me every single time I noticed you staring like that. It always made me feel so guilty and screwed up, but I just didn't know what to do about it, so I did nothing. It was pathetic."

"There was really nothing you could have done," Ed tells him with a slight shrug, trying to make him feel a little better about it. "You kinda had to reject me. Yeah, it hurt, and I was still a little pissed at you after, but I later really understood why you did it. I mean, after all, I put you on the spot, and you couldn't just ignore me or tell me to go away."

He stops talking, but Roy doesn't say anything in response, so he carries on, "And it took me a while, but I did see that you were right – we never could've been together then, even if you did feel the same way. I was just stupidly hopeful and naive, yet I knew that coming to you in hopes that you would want me was a long shot, so it was really my fault that I got hurt. I don't blame you. I've never blamed you. I knew I should've waited until I was at least sixteen to tell you, but I was just afraid of waiting too long and... losing you. But you weren't even mine to lose. I know better now, and I'm sorry."

He pauses again momentarily to take a breath, and then speaks again, "I just wanted you to know that things... haven't changed for me. And on the off chance that you would maybe be willing to try something with me, to maybe try to... learn to love me too, then... I'd be fine with that. But if you can't do it, then I understand. I know it's asking a lot of you. But I have to ask at least once."

It's quiet for a long while. Ed almost regrets coming, feeling like he's made a fool of himself all over again. He considers maybe leaving.

But then Roy leans forward, runs a hand through his hair, and gives another deep sigh, looking miserable.

"The thing is," he begins softly after some time, eyes on the floor as he confesses, "I do love you. I guess... I did even then, too."

Ed finally looks at him again, lips parted in surprise. "What?" he murmurs, unsure if he heard that correctly, but deep down he knows that he did. He must have.

He's always wondered if this was the case – if Roy felt the same – but he could never be sure. Not until now.

He can't believe he was right.

Roy just gives a humorless laugh, shaking his head. "I loved you. I didn't realize it at first, but when I did, I tried really hard not to think about it. I tried... so hard to pretend that I didn't, but... I did. And I fucking hated myself for it – I felt like a horrible person. But it's the truth, Ed. I loved you and I wanted you."

He pauses, and Ed still just sits there in total disbelief. He can't believe what he's hearing.

"I hated that I was interested in you and thought of you as anything other than just a subordinate," Roy continues on, speaking quickly but quietly. "It happened so fast, like I just woke up one day and something had changed, and suddenly I was seeing you in a different light. I tried so hard to ignore it, always told myself that you were completely off limits, that I must be sick in the head to want you in any way or to love you that way, that I was a terrible fucking human being. For a while, I just worked on convincing myself that I must've completely misunderstood what kind of love I was feeling the whole time. I slept around a lot and drank and tried to just... forget about you. And honestly, all of that actually worked... or so I thought.

"When you came to my office out of the blue that night to tell me how you felt about me, it just made everything come rushing back and I went right back to hating myself all over again. So then I tried to get you to hate me, too – when I rejected you. I wanted to be cruel towards you. I wanted to hurt you so that maybe it would make you not want me anymore, and I could finally move on and feel better about myself. But I cared too much about you, and it hurt me to see you so upset to the point of tears. In the end, I couldn't be as heartless as I had initially wanted. Instead, I did the opposite and gave in to your request. When you begged me to kiss you, I knew it was dangerous but I couldn't help myself but to indulge you – and also, I guess, myself. And then I practically fucking promised myself to you in the future with no real plans to follow through. Well, until now, that is. It was a stupid, irresponsible thing to do, and yet... I somehow don't regret it. Maybe that just makes me a stupid, irresponsible man."

"But... but you..." Ed sputters, completely dumbfounded. He knits his eyebrows together, leaning forward in his seat a little as he tries to find the right words. "If you loved me and wanted to be with me so badly, then why didn't you just tell me, Roy? I was right there in front of you, telling you how I felt about you, and you just gave me a hard time about it and then kissed me and then... you let me go. You didn't say anything about how you really felt. If you had, things could've been different. Maybe we couldn't have been together right then, but... if you just told me, we could've–"

"It wouldn't have been right," Roy says, gently interrupting him. Ed just flinches back slightly, lips parting and then snapping shut, frowning. He can't argue against that, knowing that Roy is right. There are plenty of reasons as to why it was better that Roy handled things the way that he did, and he understands that, it's just... hard to accept. "Telling you wasn't a good idea. You know that as well as I do. And I would've never forgiven myself for it if I did tell you and something more happened. Even when you were technically old enough at sixteen, I just... couldn't do that to you. I couldn't even stomach the thought. It was easy to forget that you weren't much older sometimes, but when you came to my office, it was all I could think about. I wasn't going to take advantage of you – I would never do that. I cared about you too much to let yourself get involved with someone like me, especially when you were so young – even if I did love you and want you. I didn't tell you precisely because I loved you."

There's another pause, and then Roy hastens to add, "Also, please don't misunderstand – when I say that I wanted you, I don't exactly mean that in the way that you probably think. I didn't want to, like... sleep with you, or anything heinous like that. Nothing like that really even crossed my mind until a long time after The Promised Day, when you were old enough. But... I guess that even then I still felt guilty about it."

He takes a breath and swallows, and Ed waits for him to go on, his heart aching. All this time, Roy felt the same way Ed did – he loved someone that he couldn't have. And it couldn't really even be avoided without crossing some sort of line. It's unfair.

"I did fall for you, though," Roy continues, and Ed meets Roy's eyes before the man looks away. "That much is true. I wanted to be with you, to spend time with you, to take care of you. It's kind of embarrassing how much I wanted all of that. It was still not enough for me to ever actually act on those feelings, though. I've never had any plans to pursue you in any way – not even after I kissed you, or made that promise to you. I knew that at sixteen it would've been acceptable, but I specifically asked you to wait longer before talking about this because not only would I have been too uncomfortable to be able to go through with it then, but I also wanted to give you the time and the freedom to move on and be with other people, if that's what you ended up wanting.

"I wanted you to grow up a little. I figured that when you did, you would maybe come to realize that you were mistaken about how you felt all along, that you didn't – couldn't – actually love a wretched man like me. You said you knew how you felt, but I still had my doubts. And yet... here you are instead, proving me wrong. I hoped you would move on. I hoped you would fall for a better person. But you're here, telling me otherwise, and... I have no idea why."

Ed just sits there for a moment, unsure of what any of this even means for them. He doesn't quite understand where this is going anymore – does Roy want to be with him or not? He just feels confused, but he stays quiet in hopes that Roy will enlighten him.

"You're an adult now, Ed," Roy utters then, and Ed just looks at him, listening patiently. "You're now free to mostly do what you want, and you're free to make your own choices. But are you really sure that I'm the choice you want to make? You know me, what kind of man I am, who I used to be – you're still absolutely certain that you want there to be more between us? I know you've already kind of said as much – I mean, hell, it's why you came here, right? – but I just have to be a hundred percent sure. You're positive that you still...?"

He stops and can't seem to say the words. Ed understands him anyway.

"Yeah, and I'm not mistaken," Ed tells him, slowly getting to his feet now. His heart is pounding, staring over at Roy, who just sits there and watches him with slightly parted lips. "I never was. I've known exactly what I've wanted for so long, and it hasn't once changed. I already chose you then. And you... you still love me and want me, too, don't you, Roy? That's what you said, isn't it?"

Roy keeps his eyes on Ed as he carefully moves over to the opposite sofa where Roy is still sitting, but he doesn't answer – he looks a little stunned, like he isn't sure what to do or say now. Ed thinks he kind of likes him like this, speechless and slightly unsure of himself. It's a nice change from the smugness Ed is used to from the man.

He stands in front of Roy momentarily, trying to decide if he should proceed or back off.

"I'm an adult now, like you said," he then says, voice soft. He gestures to himself with a hand, watching as Roy visibly swallows and eyes him. "You can see for yourself. So if being too young for you to be comfortable was the problem before, then what's stopping you now that I'm definitely not? I'm right here. I still love you. I still want you. So if you want me too, then you can have me."

Roy still doesn't speak, so Ed moves forward to press a knee into the sofa cushion, keeping eye contact with Roy as he does so. He swings his other knee up, sitting astride Roy's lap now, his hands gripping the back of the sofa as he searches the man's eyes for any signs of protest. He finds none.

Satisfied with that, he slowly leans in a little at a time until their noses brush, foreheads pressed together. He takes a shaky breath, and then whispers, "I've made my choice. What's yours gonna be?"

He wants to kiss Roy so badly, but he needs to know his answer first. Well, he's pretty sure that he already knows what it will be, but he needs to hear the man say it.

"I want you," is all Roy says when he finally speaks.

"Well, I'm here," Ed replies, his voice so quiet that he doesn't know if Roy can even hear him. "What are you waiting for?"

He waits, but Roy makes no move to touch him or kiss him or do anything. Ed wonders if he should move first, but before he can, Roy asks, "I'm not just dreaming, right?"

Edward kind of wants to laugh, pulling back to look at him curiously, and Roy speaks again. "This is actually happening? If I touch you, you won't... disappear?"

"I'm pretty sure I won't," Ed assures him, letting his weight settle heavily on Roy's thighs. "Though maybe I'm the one that's dreaming. I've had plenty of dreams that went a lot like this."

Roy's hands find Ed's waist then, and the warmth of them seeps through Ed's shirt and he shivers. The hands linger there for a moment or two before they slide down to his hips, then his leather clad thighs, and Roy grips them tightly.

"I really didn't expect this," he says, and Ed can feel his thumb rubbing at the inner seam of his pants on his left leg, just above the automail port. It gives him goosebumps and he swallows. "I didn't expect you to actually still want to be with me after the way I shot you down like that – even despite my promise to you, despite that kiss and all those heartbreakingly yearnful looks you'd shot my way. I thought for sure that you would feel too humiliated to ever attempt to bring it up again, and if not, I expected you to at least say that you'd moved on, grown out of those feelings, and that you'd fallen for someone else, maybe. I hoped for that. I was prepared for that. This, however? I was not prepared for this."

He gestures between them with his hand before returning it to Ed's thigh.

"It's just hard to believe you could just sit there and listen to me say everything that I said to you just now – that I wanted to hurt you on purpose because I hated myself for secretly loving you, that I still doubted that you knew what you felt because I thought I knew better, that I made you wait so long because I hoped you would move on and find someone better for you, plus all of the rest... and yet you're not angry. How could you not be angry? How could you still want me after I was so dishonest with you? I repeatedly lied to your face that night you came here. I belittled your feelings. I made you so upset–"

"Well, it was the right thing to do, wasn't it?" is Ed's response to that, cutting Roy off, and Roy just stares at him. "You were right about what you said – we both know how things would've gone if you'd told me the truth and we started fooling around or something like that, so... I think you did the right thing, even if that meant lying to me and hurting me. Things probably wouldn't have ended well otherwise, and... I guess I understand why you had to do it. You were protecting me from putting myself into some sort of precarious situation, one that I knew nothing about, all because of how I felt for you. You were just being responsible. How could I be mad at you for that?"

Ed stops and thinks about that, and then amends, "...Well, sort of responsible. Kissing me wasn't very responsible of you, but I know that I probably made it really hard for you to refuse me. Sorry about that."

Roy just looks surprised all over again, staring at Ed with parted lips. "When the hell did you get so grown-up?"

"I guess yesterday, technically," Ed answers with a slight grin, letting his head tip forward a little, his hair falling into his eyes. His smile turns a little wistful then. "But I feel like I've been grown up for a very long time."

Roy reaches up to brush the golden locks back, away from Edward's face, and the action is so familiar. It was the very thing that ended up making Ed realize how he felt. It feels so long ago now, but he can still remember it so vividly – the heat and sound of the explosion, the way it felt to have Roy hold him protectively, shielding Ed's body with his own. The way that Roy looked at him after he brushed the hair out of the way of the cut on Ed's face. Ed didn't understand it then, but that look makes so much sense now that he knows that Roy had felt something for him too, even then.

Even little things that Roy had said – especially the night that he rejected Ed – all start making sense. When Ed thinks back to that conversation with the new knowledge that Roy had been interested in Ed but didn't want to be, and had even tried to convince himself that he didn't feel the way he did, things become a lot clearer.

"You're so beautiful," Roy tells him, dragging Ed away from his thoughts, and the man says it like he really means it. "And so strong. I really admire you."

Ed just snorts and rolls his eyes, flicking Roy's forehead even though the words turn him to mush inside – he doesn't think he's ever heard someone describe him in that way before.

Beautiful. Ed just can't see it. How could anything about him be described with that word?

"Shut up, bastard," he says as Roy makes a face and reaches up to rub the mark on his forehead. Roy opens his mouth to say something, but Ed doesn't let him. "You talk too much. We should do something about that."

Before Roy can even try to say anything to that, Ed finds the courage to actually close the gap between them and kiss him for the first time in three years, effectively shutting him up for good.

It's clumsy and a little frantic but it's good, and Roy kisses Ed back like he's a drowning man and Ed has the air he needs to breathe, hands squeezing Ed's thighs hard enough to potentially leave bruises behind before those same hands come up to hold Ed's face, keeping him close.

They stop for only a moment, both panting and staring at each other like neither can still believe that this is even happening. Roy drops his hands and lets them slither up Ed's back, underneath his shirt. His hands are warm on Ed's skin, sliding up to his shoulder blades and then back down to come around to the front, moving up over his abs and pecs. Roy's hands stop when they reach metal, then move back around to Ed's back, fingers dancing over his spine. Ed takes a shaky breath at the feeling and closes the distance between their lips again.

As they kiss, he runs his left hand down over Roy's chest, his thumb knocking into the buttons on his shirt. Ed undoes one, and then another, but before he can undo a third, Roy gently pushes him away, grabbing him by the waist and easing him back until he's completely off of Roy's lap and back on his feet again, the kiss once again broken.

Ed is confused and slightly hurt by this, unsure if he did something wrong or not, but Roy abruptly stands before he can ask, leaving Ed standing by the sofa and coffee table, breathless and suddenly feeling awkward as he watches Roy heading for the door.

"Does anyone know you're here?" Roy asks Ed then, and Ed just shakes his head in response, uncertain as to why it really even matters. "Nobody saw you on your way to my office?"

"No," Ed insists, remembering that the building almost seemed deserted as he made his way here – it was amazing that Roy was even still around and hadn't gone home yet, with how late into the night it is now. Ed doesn't know what time it is now, but he knows he arrived after midnight, so he was lucky that Roy hadn't left – things would be very different right now if he had and Ed had just given up and gone somewhere else for the night. "Why?"

Roy doesn't answer him with words. He simply twists the lock on his office door with a soft click, and then he turns to face Ed again. His expression is almost darker in a way now, like the mood has fully shifted. In a different context with a different person, this moment would probably be unsettling, but Ed can only swallow as the blood in his body all rushes south, his pants suddenly growing ever so slightly tighter. He swallows and blinks, lips parted, and he suddenly understands why it's so important that he wasn't seen coming in here.

A couple of seconds pass and then Roy is right there in front of him, and Ed instinctively starts backing up until he's leaning against the desk and there's nowhere else to go. Roy follows his movements until they're pressed up against each other, and Edward gazes up at him, his chest heaving with every breath he takes. He notices the way that Roy is looking at him, almost like a switch has been flipped or something. It gives Ed chills all over from the anticipation of what might happen.

Roy swiftly bends down and kisses him again, so Ed reaches up to touch his face and neck, feeling Roy's hands settle back on his waist, pressing him into the side of the desk until it's digging into his lower back in a way that's almost uncomfortable. Ed doesn't mind it though, pulling Roy against him as much as possible for them to keep kissing with their difference in height. He feels almost dizzy, his head spinning and legs feeling weak – he's sure that if it weren't for Roy's hands on his waist keeping him upright, he would probably collapse right about now.

He breaks the kiss after a moment to catch his breath. He wants to try something, so with his eyes downcast, he uses his left hand to grab Roy's right, sliding it off of his waist and downward until it's between his legs. Roy gives Ed's half-hard cock a light squeeze through his pants in response and Ed grabs on to Roy's bicep with his automail hand, swearing under his breath, eyes screwing shut. He slightly bends forward until his forehead is pressed against Roy's chest and he takes a shuddering breath, releasing his grip on Roy's bicep almost immediately, afraid that he'll leave bruises behind if he's not careful.

When Ed reopens his eyes a moment later, he's looking down at where Roy's hand is still touching him. The sight alone makes him grow harder, so he weakly rolls his hips just once against Roy's palm, seeking friction. He shivers at the feeling, one of his shaking hands grabbing at Roy's shirt while the other grips the edge of the desk, needing something to hold on to. Ed swallows again and briefly looks up at Roy.

"Is this okay?" he asks, voice nearly inaudible.

"Yes, if you're comfortable," Roy answers, and all Ed can do is nod and pull him down into another kiss, parting his lips as an invitation for Roy to deepen it. He does so, and the feeling of his tongue in Ed's mouth sends shivers down Ed's spine all over again. He's pretty much completely inexperienced, so he just lets Roy take the lead and do most of the work, just trying his best to follow along with what's happening.

Roy rubs his palm against the bulge in Ed's pants again and Ed nearly chokes, biting down on Roy's bottom lip. The kiss suddenly breaks then and Ed finds himself being lifted up onto the desk, his thighs parting so that Roy can move even closer to him, and then their lips are once again reconnected. This kiss is faster and messier and a lot easier now that Ed is up higher, and yet he can still barely even keep up with it, feeling breathless when Roy pulls back just enough to kiss Ed's jaw and neck.

Ed accidentally lets a soft moan slip past his lips as the sensitive area is explored and Roy grips his thighs in response, pressing impossibly closer to grind against him. Ed lets his head tip back and he sighs at the feeling, his eyes screwed shut, toes curling in his boots. He doesn't know how long he'll last if things keep going like this, overwhelmed but in a good way.

He gets his arms between them now, reaching for the buttons on Roy's shirt to try and undo the rest of them. He manages to get one undone before Roy moves him a little closer and he can no longer reach. They briefly kiss again, but it only lasts for about a few seconds before they separate once more, both out of breath and needing a break.

"Fuck, Roy..." Ed breathes against the crook of Roy's neck, trying to take a moment to recover. His face feels like it's on fire and he has goosebumps everywhere. He's so hard that it's verging on painful. None of his dreams could've prepared him for how intense just this would actually be.

He doesn't know how to proceed from here, but he knows that he wants to.

"You all right?" Roy inquires, one of his hands rubbing Ed's back. Ed tries very hard not to scoff at the question, keeping his mouth shut and nodding instead, pulling back and eyeing Roy's chest through his half-unbuttoned shirt with interest. "Do you want to stop? Maybe we should slow down–"

"No, I want more," Ed tells him, interrupting. His eyes flicker up to meet Roy's and he slides his hand up to the man's face, caressing his cheek before drawing him back in. This kiss is slower and sweeter than all of the others so far. Ed lets his left hand drop between them to touch Roy through his pants, and at that, Roy abruptly breaks off the kiss. Ed blinks at him.

"Have you ever... had sex before, Ed?" Roy asks a moment later. "Or anything like it?" Ed can feel his face turning bright red at the question, his eyebrows knitting together. He stops touching Roy, suddenly a little embarrassed.

"Obviously not," he replies, but it comes out a bit harsher and a little more snappish than he had intended for it to. "Nobody has ever... touched me like that, before now. I've never done that to anyone else either. I mean... you were my first kiss, and you know how busy I've been since that happened. It shouldn't be surprising that I haven't..."

He trails off and doesn't finish the sentence. Roy raises his hands and just shrugs.

"Well yeah, but it's been three years since that kiss, for starters," he says and Ed huffs at him. "And it's been a while since I've seen you. Besides, we've never discussed things like that for a reason, so... I just thought I'd ask, since I wasn't sure. I thought that maybe you would've experimented at some point, is all, but if you haven't done anything like this before, then that's fine. You don't have to be ashamed of it. It just... changes things a little."

"I'm not ashamed," Ed insists, and it's his turn to shrug now, his eyes dropping to look at his hands instead. "And fair enough. I guess maybe I could've tried to... experiment... but it wouldn't have felt right if I had while I was interested in someone else. I've always been busy with other stuff too and there wasn't ever any time, or anyone else that I would've been comfortable with."

He pauses, then remembers that there was actually a time at one point where something could've maybe happened, but nothing ever did, for multiple reasons.

"Well, I mean... there was that one time that Ling kissed me when we were trapped inside of Gluttony and thought we were gonna die," he mentions thoughtfully. "But it didn't actually go anywhere beyond that, and we both regretted it after, so nothing would happen, even if either of us wanted it. Which we didn't – he prefers girls, and I prefer... well, you, I guess. And to be honest, the sea of blood and bones and fire was kind of a real mood killer, too – I don't think we could've gotten up to anything sexy in there, even if we tried really hard."

He chuckles awkwardly at the memory of when it had all happened – Ling had never kissed someone before and Ed had only ever kissed Roy that one night so long ago. They thought they were going to die, so they both said 'fuck it' and agreed to try kissing each other. In the end, Ling discovered that men – "Even ones with soft, feminine features such as yours," he'd added apologetically, to which Ed had argued that he wasn't soft or feminine – were not really his thing, plus he'd tasted like a mixture of blood and Edward's leather boot that they'd eaten, and, as to be expected, both of them were pretty bad at kissing. Also, in the moment, Ed had stupidly felt a bit like he'd betrayed Roy somehow, which then made him feel weirdly guilty after the kiss, so overall it was just... not exactly a great experience. But even now they still joke and laugh about it together, and Ling swears it only ever strengthened their friendship and made them grow closer.

When Ed glances back up at Roy's face, there's an unreadable expression there, but if he looks close enough he can tell that Roy wants to say something about it. Ed can't help but to laugh a little at him, giving him a gentle nudge.

"Wait, you're not jealous, are you, General?" he teases, and Roy just groans and drags a hand over his face.

"Maybe just a little," he admits, averting his eyes. "I've pretty much just decided that I don't quite like thinking about you being with other people."

Ed grins at him, lightly shoving at his chest. "Oh, come on – I've had to watch you flirt with nearly every woman in the general vicinity over the years! Plus there were all of the rumors about how you slept around, which I knew even then were true. Do you know how jealous I was of every single one of them?"

Roy clears his throat awkwardly, and Ed can see a pink tint of shame settling on his cheekbones. "All right, fair enough. I will say that I was never serious about any of them, though. They were just distractions."

Edward shakes his head, still grinning. "Yeah, well you're just an idiot. Trust me, you don't need to be jealous of Ling. The kiss wasn't even that–"

He means to finish that sentence, but Roy suddenly interrupts him with a hard kiss on the mouth – it's a little rough, almost possessive, and when he pulls back, Ed feels temporarily stunned, his eyes widened and his heart beating so fast and hard that it almost hurts. His body feels hot all over.

"From now on, you're only mine," Roy tells him, though his words are much softer than the kiss was, and he looks at Ed as if he'd asked a question that he's waiting for him to answer. Ed wonders if this is maybe just his weird way of proposing for them to officially be together exclusively, as a couple. If so, he's absolutely on board. But he's not sure, and he's too afraid to ask for clarification right now. That will just have to come later.

So instead, he blinks once or twice, nods, and then says, "I've always been yours, I think."

And the look that Roy gives him at that makes his stomach do a little flip. Roy touches his cheek, his thumb tracing Ed's cheekbone. Ed just gazes back at him and wonders what Roy is thinking about now.

"Um," Ed utters ineloquently after some time, feeling a little awkward and unsure of what's going to happen now. "So are we gonna... you know..." He pauses to gesture between them, "...take this further?"

"Do you want to?" Roy asks simply.

"Yeah," is all Ed answers with, pressing a softer kiss to Roy's lips. Ed scoots forward until his ass is almost off the desk, pulling Roy down with him as he lies back on the wooden surface. Roy kisses Ed deeply, using one arm to hold himself up as he does, and Ed just tries to keep up, running his hands over Roy's shoulders and then getting his arms wrapped around Roy's neck as he kisses back with enthusiasm.

When he's ready to move things along, he tentatively reaches for Roy's belt, but Roy breaks off the kiss and stops him, looking down at him and caressing his face.

"Since this will be your first time doing anything like this," Roy begins a moment or two later, dragging his fingertips down from Ed's face to his neck and then over his chest, "then I think that we should probably take this back to my place. I'd love to take things slow and make it good and romantic for you."

Ed shivers at the thought, but he's still painfully hard, and thinking about how long it's going to take to leave here and get settled back at Roy's makes him groan with frustration. He also doesn't want to let himself have the time to be able to overthink this and screw it up for himself.

"Fuck that," he says, grabbing at Roy's shirt to pull him closer. "I want you now. We can do the romantic stuff later, just... come here and kiss me."

He initiates another desperate kiss that Roy gently breaks off about a second later, leaning in to kiss Ed's jawbone before then moving up to his ear to speak again.

"Edward, there are things I want to do to you that I can't do in this office." His voice is low and sultry and it gives Ed chills, his nipples hardening and hands tightening in Roy's shirt. Roy reaches up and strokes his hair, pressing another kiss to his neck. "Let me take you home. I promise it'll be worth it."

Ed takes a shaky breath, pressing his face into Roy's shoulder. "Bastard," he grumbles and it comes out slightly muffled against the fabric of his shirt. He feels Roy's chest move when he chuckles.

"Look at you, all worked up like this..." he comments, his hand ghosting over Ed's chest and then moving down to slip between Ed's spread thighs, rubbing slowly at the front of his pants. At the feeling, Ed lets a noise slip out that's almost a whimper and he bites down on Roy's shoulder to quiet himself, thinking he might just explode if Roy doesn't quit teasing him soon. "If we go somewhere more private where we can't possibly be interrupted, then I can take care of this for you. Wouldn't want to have someone trying to barge in on us while I'm taking my time making you come."

The hand between his legs gives his cock a gentle squeeze and then suddenly moves away, and Ed nearly swears at the loss of touch, squirming and trembling, his face ablaze from a mixture of embarrassment and excitement at the idea of Roy touching him, drawing it out and making him beg for it.

(Fuck, the thought of Roy getting down on his knees for him...)

"I really fucking hate you," he mumbles and then shoves Roy up and off of him, and the man looks much too smug and much too composed for Ed's liking. Ed's chest is once again heaving with every breath he takes and he's starting to sweat a little, every part of his body feeling too sensitive. He sits up, glares at Roy, and then says, "If we're getting out of here, then let's go. You've made me wait three years already, so hurry your ass up."

He slides off the desk and back onto his feet, his legs buckling just a little when he does. He manages to catch himself by grabbing on to the desk, though, watching as Roy moves away from him to quickly redo the buttons on his shirt and then put away whatever he'd been working on when Ed had arrived. He doesn't take too long doing it, thankfully, but Ed still finds himself getting impatient, and Roy just seems to think that that's funny, much to Ed's annoyance. He thinks he should punch the bastard in the mouth and then kiss his split lip better, but Ed refrains from acts of violence... for now.

Eventually, Roy gestures for Edward to head to the door, so Ed goes over and unlocks it. Roy grabs his things and then follows him over, shutting off all the lights on their way out of the office. Ed makes sure to remember to grab his trunk from where he left it outside in the hall, and Roy just looks at it but doesn't make any comments.

As they walk down the hall, Ed, as he predicted he might, begins to feel slightly nervous about what's going to happen. It was easier to just eagerly let things go however they were going to go when he didn't have time to really think about it due to Roy distracting him, but now that he's had a little time to start cooling off and let the fog of arousal clear from his head a bit, it all hits him at once, and he can't help but to be a little intimidated, not exactly sure what to expect when it comes to actually having sex.

Once outside, Ed shivers from the chill in the air as they walk to Roy's car. When they reach it, Roy opens the passenger side door of the car for him and gestures for him to get in. Ed shoots him a halfhearted glare before sliding in and setting his trunk at his feet.

"I can open my own door, you know," he grumbles, but he's secretly a little pleased.

"Just trying to be a gentleman," Roy says and closes the door, heading around to the opposite side and getting in. He glances at Ed, and there's a fond smile there on his face. "You haven't really changed all that much after all."

Ed just huffs and leans heavily against the door to look out of the window, waving dismissively. "Just drive, old man."

He doesn't miss the appalled look on Roy's face as he starts the car, snickering to himself as, in a soft voice, Roy incredulously repeats, "Old...?"

The ride to Roy's place feels much too long and yet not quite long enough – Ed can feel his anxiety growing with every minute of silence that passes between them. He stares out of the window and watches the darkened streets of Central whiz by, trying to calm himself down before they get to Roy's. The feeling of a hand on his right thigh makes him jump, and he glances over at Roy, who still has his eyes on the road but has reached over to give his thigh a comforting squeeze.

"You feeling okay, Edward?" Roy asks him gently, and it's the first time either has said a word since starting the car. Ed wonders what exactly it was that made him think to ask – is his anxiety that palpable? He frowns, annoyed with himself.

"I'm fine," he fibs, reaching up with his left hand to twirl a strand of his hair around his finger, redirecting his gaze back outside. Roy doesn't question him, but he doesn't move his hand away either, keeping it there for the duration of the ride. Ed doesn't mind – it does actually help.

When they arrive at their destination, Roy moves his hand to park the car and shut it off. Ed's anxiety has unfortunately only gotten worse – he quickly moves to get out, not even looking anywhere near Roy, his hand shaking when he reaches for the door handle. He doesn't know why he's so nervous – he definitely wants this, has wanted this for so long now. He's had countless dreams about it, and yet now that he can actually have the chance to do what he's been fantasizing about, he has suddenly turned into a huge bundle of nerves.

He isn't sure what has gotten into him now, when barely even a half an hour ago, he was so turned on that he was grinding against Roy's hand in his office and repeatedly trying to take the man's clothes off while asking for more. He thinks that maybe because it just all happened kind of naturally and wasn't really planned that it was easier to go along with. But now he's been thinking too much about it, like he was afraid he would, and he can't help but to worry.

He's partially a little afraid of how Roy might perceive him when he's at his most vulnerable, and partially afraid about the sex itself. It's uncharted territory, after all. He knows how it works in a physical sense, of course, but the most he's ever experienced when it comes to anything sexual is whatever happened in his fantasies, and, of course, masturbation – well, plus whatever was happening in Roy's office earlier, but he isn't sure if that counts. He's a little worried about not exactly knowing what to do and embarrassing himself or something stupid like that, worried that maybe he won't be good enough and that Roy will find him to be a disappointing lover because of his inexperience.

Before he can get the car door open, Roy stops him. "Ed, look at me," he requests, and Ed stops moving, swallowing and forcing himself to turn his head towards Roy after a couple of seconds pass.

Roy is watching him, looking much too understanding, almost as if he can read Ed's thoughts. Ed feels slightly humiliated because of it, and he kind of feels like he needs to vomit or something, suddenly sick to his stomach. Roy reaches over and takes his automail hand, and Ed just lets him, finally meeting his eyes.

"We don't have to do anything that you don't want to do," Roy says seriously, and Ed just keeps looking at him, his heart pounding as he listens to Roy's words. "If you still want to go through with this, we absolutely can, but if you don't think you're ready for something like this after all, then that's perfectly fine too. Don't force yourself."

He pauses and then adds, "If we do this, and there's something that makes you uncomfortable, or something happens that you don't like, then I promise that we will stop immediately and do something else, all right? But ultimately, what happens is all up to you. I just want you to know that there's no pressure."

Ed considers putting up a brave front, pretending to be annoyed that Roy is worrying about him, but he can't make himself do it. He just takes a breath and then nods, and Roy nods back, releasing him a second later to step out of the car. Ed gets out too, already feeling himself calming down just a little, though his fears still linger in the back of his mind. He makes sure to collect his trunk and then slowly follows Roy up to the front door and waits for the man to unlock it.

Roy gets it open and then gestures for Ed to enter, so he does, taking a look around. He's obviously never been here before, so the first thing he notices is that there isn't really all that much to see to begin with. Roy seemingly owns very little furniture, probably because he's hardly home. In the living space, there's a small sofa; a coffee table that's cluttered with various paperwork and books, sitting on top of a plain looking rug; an end table with a gas lamp on it; a bookshelf in the corner that holds a framed photo of a younger looking Roy and Hughes, as well as one with some people that Ed doesn't recognize (a couple, a woman, and a baby – Ed guesses it might be Roy and his parents and some other family member, maybe); a fireplace; and a coat rack by the door. And that's about it.

Ed takes a peek into the combined dining and kitchen area, which is pretty small. The small table in the corner has only two chairs, but it seems like only one is ever used. The kitchen itself isn't interesting in any real way. The place is fairly tidy, but it doesn't exactly feel like a place where someone lives. Again, probably because Roy is almost never home.

Ed still can't help but to compare it to what he remembers of his own home that he and Al had burned to the ground – framed family photos nearly everywhere; Hohenheim's messy study where Ed and Al began to learn alchemy; their tiny bedroom, with toys littering the floor that their mom would often have to remind them to pick up; laundry hanging out on the line to dry, causing the smell of lavender or honeysuckles to fill the air whenever the wind would blow; wildflowers on the kitchen table that they would bring home for their mom as an apology for fighting – she would put them in a vase with water so they could see them every day at breakfast until they withered away. There were so many little things like that, and he can't help but to miss it.

Thinking about it makes him feel a little wistful, so he pushes those memories away and continues looking around, wandering off alone down the hallway where the bedroom and bathroom are. The bathroom is off to the right, small and uninteresting, but the bedroom, directly ahead, seems nice. Also a little small, but it appears to be more cozy – he enters and sets his trunk down to light the lamp by the bed to be able to see better. The room is at least big enough to fit a bigger bed; a dresser; a table that holds the lamp; and an armchair. And there's still room to move around.

Ed finds a book on the table next to the lamp with a bookmark in place, but he doesn't touch it, nor does he look inside the drawer of the table. There's a clock on one of the walls, but they're otherwise fairly bare. He takes a peek into the dresser drawers and finds each one full of Roy's clothes, all organized, though the bottom drawer only contains a couple of pairs of shoes. He figures he's seen all that there is to see and moves on after that, going back out into the hallway.

There's another room directly across from the bathroom that's closed off, just to Ed's right as he exits the bedroom, but he just assumes it to be a study or an office of some kind and doesn't bother peeking in. He has kind of snooped enough for now, he thinks.

He finally feels much calmer than he had been when he was in the car, still a little nervous but not on the verge of a breakdown or anything like that. He thinks looking around and taking in his surroundings helped just a little.

He makes his way back into the kitchen, where Roy is standing and drinking a very small glass of whiskey, waiting for him. Roy wordlessly offers the glass to Ed, and he carefully accepts it and takes a small sip of the amber liquid. It burns his throat when he swallows, but he doesn't think he hates it. He doesn't know if it would be his first choice of drink, though – he feels like he would probably prefer something sweeter and not as harsh going down.

He takes another sip and then sets the glass on the counter behind Roy, stepping into the man's space and gazing up at him, keeping him trapped between the counter and Ed's body. Roy looks back at him in a way that Ed can only really describe as lustful, but he seems to be waiting for Ed to make the first move, or waiting to see if Ed has decided to back out or not.

Ed pushes himself up to stand on his tiptoes and then he presses his mouth against Roy's, kissing him slowly. Roy kisses back and runs his hands over Ed's mismatched arms, moving upwards until he's touching Ed's face, leaning into him a little more. Ed gets his arms around Roy's middle, palms flat on his upper back, trying to pull him closer. They stay like that for a little while, just kissing and holding each other close.

When Ed needs to stop and take a breath, he pulls back and reaches for Roy's hand, wordlessly pulling him along as he goes down the hall and back towards the bedroom. He definitely wants this, and he knows that he can trust Roy, that Roy will take good care of him and won't hurt him, that he'll be understanding. Ed knows that all he has to do is relax and let whatever happens just happen without thinking too hard about it, and everything will be fine. There's no reason to be so nervous. He can do this.

Inside of the bedroom, he glances back at Roy and lets go of his hand. Ed turns then and just looks at Roy for a moment before he reaches behind himself to pull the band out of his hair to let it fall freely, golden locks cascading down his back and over his shoulders. He goes over and sets the hair band down on top of the book that sits on the table beside the bed, and then he carefully steps out of his boots and puts them next to his trunk, out of the way, watching as Roy takes his own uniform boots off and sets them in the small space beside the dresser and the open door.

Ed moves back over to Roy now, his metal foot softly clinking against the hardwood floor with each step he takes. He feels like maybe he should say something, realizing he's been pretty much silent since they were in the car earlier, but he isn't sure what he should say – no words come to him. Well, nothing except–

"Roy," he whispers, realizing that he actually really likes saying the man's first name, despite how different it feels compared to Mustang or Colonel or General, or even bastard. Roy reaches for him, running fingers through his loosened hair, brushing a few strands away from his face and tucking them behind his ear.

"Tell me what you want, Edward," Roy says then, gently tilting Ed's chin upwards so that they're looking at each other again, and Ed leans into his touch, his eyes fluttering closed.

He wants this. He can do this. All he needs to do is trust Roy.

"Kiss me," he pleads, so Roy does exactly that. Wasting no time, he bends down to connect their lips again, hands burying themselves in Ed's hair as he cradles his head.

Ed lets his own hands settle on Roy's waist, careful not to grab too hard with his right hand. After a moment, he gently tugs Roy's shirt from his pants, successfully untucking it. He fumbles around, searching for the buttons on the front with his eyes closed, partially distracted by the way Roy now deepens their kiss, his tongue brushing against Ed's own when he does. Ed locates the top button with his left hand, deftly getting it undone with careful fingers before blindly moving down to the next to repeat the action, and then doing the same for the rest until he reaches the bottom and the shirt is finally open.

He breaks off the kiss to push the fabric of Roy's shirt off of his shoulders, letting the garment fall to the floor at their feet. His gaze falls upon the newly exposed skin, delicately observing every scar he finds on Roy's torso. Ed's eyes are drawn to the one on Roy's side, a large patch of marred flesh that Ed can tell was the result of a burn.

He lets his automail fingers trail over it, remembering what he was told had happened while he was away in Resembool dealing with his own set of issues – Roy had fought Lust and she had wounded him pretty badly, to the point that it would've been fatal had he not acted quickly to cauterize it and stop the bleeding. Al had told Ed before he had gone to visit Roy in the hospital that it was bad enough that Lieutenant Hawkeye had thought that he was dead, and was so distraught that she pretty much gave up on life.

It's little things like that that makes Ed surprised that they never actually ended up together after all. He always figured it would happen one day, figured that if he were to lose Roy to someone else during those three years, it would've been to the lieutenant. But that hadn't happened after all, for some strange reason. Ed is secretly grateful, though. He definitely won't complain.

He wonders if Hawkeye ever found out about the incident, if she was ever told about Ed's feelings or the kiss, or Roy's own hidden longing for Ed that made him hate himself for years. She's probably still unaware of it all, if Ed had to guess. He supposes that if Roy were to have confided in anyone about it, though, it would've been her. After all, they were always close, and ever since Hughes was murdered, she was Roy's best friend, and they seemingly grew even closer than they already were before. They seem to have a lot of history that Ed doesn't know about. Ed wouldn't be surprised to find out that Roy told her.

Ed, however, had never broken his promise not to tell anyone about the kiss, and only Al and Winry knew who exactly it was that he'd been pining over. Al knew that Ed still had feelings and that he confessed but was turned down, though he has never been aware of more than that – Ed made sure of it. And from what Ed gathered, Winry didn't know much except that he wanted to be with Roy but couldn't be, and Al either told her or she probably just came up with her own conclusions as to why they couldn't be together, since she didn't ask. She never asked Ed if he'd already confessed or planned to, either, and he didn't tell.

So the closest Ed had ever come to talking about the kiss itself since it happened was when he had told Ling that he had kissed someone once before, which happened while they were trapped inside of Gluttony. But upon being asked who exactly it was that he had kissed, Ed had simply dodged the question and claimed that it was nobody important. Ling had gently told him that he could tell that Ed was lying, but Ling thankfully didn't press him for further information, letting it drop without an issue after that, much to Ed's relief. If Ling had any theories on who it was, he didn't share them. He just let Ed be, and Ed was grateful.

He had almost wanted to talk about it, though – after all, what point is there in keeping a secret if both you and the person you tell will likely die shortly after anyway? With just a little pressing, he's sure that Ling could've elicited the truth out of him, but Ling didn't even try, and in the end, Ed refused to talk about it – however, he's glad for that now, since they both kept moving forward and eventually lived.

Besides, if he couldn't even tell Al, the person he's closest to, there's no way he could actually tell Ling – even if they were two friends who were both convinced that they were going to die while trapped in there. Obviously, they didn't actually end up dying there, so Ed would have broken his promise for nothing and Ling would be walking around with the information that Ed had kissed Roy. Not that Ed thinks that Ling would really care or ever tell anyone if he knew, but still. Ed had sworn not to let it leave that room that night, and he wouldn't break the promise.

Ed takes a breath now, moving on from Roy's scar as he pushes all of those memories back to focus on the present, realizing he'd let his mind wander a little too much. He's just glad that Roy had survived his encounter with Lust – Ed thinks he would've felt almost similarly to how he suspects that Hawkeye must've felt, had he returned from Resembool to find out that Roy was killed by one of the Homunculi. He probably would've ended up being as vengeful as Roy was over Hughes when he'd fought Envy. Ed hated seeing Roy like that, but he was just glad that between himself, Hawkeye, and Scar, they were able to help him through it, calm him down, and get him to see reason.

And with how pissed Ed was at Scar over what he did to Winry's parents and Nina, there's no telling how enraged he would've been if Roy was killed. He can't even imagine it.

Edward lets his hand slide up from the scar and over Roy's chest, unable to feel his skin with the automail, but still able to imagine what it might feel like underneath his metal fingers. He then brings his left hand up to join the right, just exploring the expanse of Roy's skin with his fingertips, moving to his shoulders and then biceps, down his forearms to his wrists and hands. Roy just lets him do what he wants, standing there patiently as Ed examines the faint scar in the shape of the flame alchemy transmutation circle on the back of Roy's hand. He traces it with a finger, then brings the hand up to his lips and presses a kiss to the scar.

When Ed meets Roy's eyes, he finds that Roy is looking at him in a way that Ed couldn't possibly even try to explain, his lips slightly parted, eyebrows slightly knitted. It's akin to the way he looked at Ed earlier, almost dumbstruck, or amazed. It's almost as if he can't believe that Edward Elric is a real person who really loves him. Ed wants him to believe it, though.

Roy doesn't say anything and Ed lets his hand go to take a couple of steps back, putting some space between them. He reaches for the bottom hem of his sleeveless shirt, slowly pulling it up and over his head before he tosses it onto the chair in the corner by the dresser, just vaguely off to Roy's right. Ed watches the way that Roy looks at him, eyes wandering over his stomach and chest, lingering on a large scar that's in the same exact place as Roy's own. There's a smaller scar just below it, one caused by the wound Ed had given himself during his first encounter with Scar. That feels like a lifetime ago now.

Roy reaches out to touch the larger scar with gentle fingers, frowning slightly. "What happened to you here?" he inquires softly, and Ed realizes he never did really tell anyone about it, letting his gaze drop to Roy's hand on his skin.

"Do you remember when Al and I first went up north to Briggs?" Ed asks, and Roy just nods in response. Ed swallows. "You probably remember then that I went missing for a while."

Roy looks at Ed's face then, his gaze questioning. Ed glances at him and meets his eyes, and then looks back at his hand, still gently placed on top of the scar.

"I got into a fight with Kimblee in Baschool," he begins quietly. "It was after Al had gone off into this blizzard to find Scar, Winry, and the others, to warn them that Briggs wasn't a safe place for them to go anymore. Long story, there, but... Anyway, Kimblee ended up creating a huge explosion, which made the lookout tower we were in just... completely collapse. When I woke up, Kimblee was gone, and I had been impaled by a large steel beam."

Ed pauses for a moment, watching Roy absorb that information, his eyes widening slightly as he does.

"It was hard to stay conscious," Ed continues, remembering just how badly it had hurt, how much he had started to panic when he realized what had happened, that the injury was so severe that he could die at any moment. "I kept blacking out. Even just breathing took a lot of energy and effort to do. There was just so much blood, and I was in so much pain that I thought for sure that I was gonna die. It was hard to think straight, but I quickly came up with a temporary solution – I used alchemy and my own life force to stop the bleeding, but... it wasn't really enough, and I still had to be taken to a doctor afterwards. It took a while for me to recover enough to move around again. And after that, I tried to lay low for a while since the military was after me by that point."

"Well, that explains a lot," Roy says after some time, letting his hand drop to his side, and Ed already misses his touch. "I had heard of your disappearance and was worried for your safety, but I unfortunately had too many other pressing matters to deal with here. With Bradley practically breathing down my neck after disbanding my unit and holding the lieutenant hostage to keep me in check, there wasn't much that I could do but wait it out and hope that you were all right. Even though they hadn't found you, I knew that you had to be out there somewhere, still breathing. And I just hoped that if they did find you, it would be alive."

"And I was. Of course I was. I mean... barely, but I was. You think I was just gonna let a stupid hunk of metal take me down so easily?" He smiles a little, shaking his head. "No fucking way. I couldn't die – I had too many things to do. And... too many people to come back to."

He deliberately glances up at Roy's face again, and he knows that Roy understands.

"I love you," Roy tells him then, and Ed feels a bit like he has just been punched in the solar plexus, the breath completely knocked out of his lungs. He doesn't respond to the words, but he knows he doesn't necessarily have to – he's already told Roy how he feels. Roy smiles a little at him. "Don't ever go missing again."

Ed swallows, just staring up at Roy as he tries to find his voice. "Is that an order?" he manages to ask. Roy's smile just widens a little.

"No, you've never been good with those. Besides, as you pointed out, you're just a civilian now – I can't exactly order you around. Well, not officially."

That last sentence carries a hint of suggestion in it, and Ed doesn't miss it. "True," he says, and honestly, he thinks he might not mind a little ordering around every once in a while. Well, only if it's the fun kind. And as long as he still gets exactly what he wants, of course – Roy can think that he's in charge, but Ed will always do what he wants to do, and never anything he doesn't. Still, he would be fine with playing along and pretending.

"It is a request, though," Roy then says, growing a little more serious. "Please don't ever go missing again."

"I'll try not to," Ed promises, smiling a little himself now. Roy just nods, seeming to deem that answer as acceptable.

He takes a step closer to Ed as they drift off into silence. Roy's eyes roam over Ed some more and then brings his left hand up as if he's going to touch the automail on Ed's shoulder, but he stops short of actually making contact. His hand hovers there for a moment before Ed takes a small step forward, closing the gap for him until metal meets skin.

"You're so beautiful," Roy tells him again after a moment, and for some reason, it just hurts to hear this time. And the way he looks at Ed isn't helping.

"Stop saying that," Ed mutters, averting his eyes. He feels that he's just too inadequate to be called anything like that.

Roy uses his free hand to gently turn Ed's face back towards him. "Why would I? It's the truth."

At that, Ed just shakes his head in disagreement. Roy shifts his left hand then, touching the scars on Ed's skin, feeling the place where automail meets flesh.

It feels strange as Roy touches him there, the skin there more sensitive than Ed had realized. Roy uses his fingers to trace along the seam between metal and skin, and that action makes goosebumps spread out across Ed's body like wildfire, his toes curling and cock suddenly stiffening. He finds himself holding his breath, eyes shutting.

He hadn't expected that to actually feel good, slightly taken aback at his own body's very unexpected but also very interesting reaction to the feeling of being touched there.

The fingers skim away from the automail then, drifting down towards Ed's right nipple. Roy circles it with his thumb and brings the other hand down from Ed's face to mirror the action on the left nipple. Ed arches into the touch, his breaths now coming out quick and shallow. He feels Roy press a kiss against his jaw, and then another to the place just below his ear, making him shiver. He reaches for Roy's belt, grabbing on to it to pull him closer, and Roy's hands move down to settle on Edward's hips as they briefly kiss again.

Ed works on getting Roy's belt and pants undone, trying to push them down and off of him as quickly as possible. Roy helps Ed achieve this goal and steps out of them, leaving him only in his boxers. Ed notices that Roy is visibly aroused, shamelessly staring at the tent in his dark colored underwear with interest, aching to touch. Ed reaches for the waistband, wanting to get the garment off and out of the way so that he can see exactly what he's dealing with here, but Roy intercepts him with a soft chuckle, taking Ed's hand and interlocking their fingers instead.

"Slow down, Ed," he says, and Ed just gives him a slightly annoyed look in response. Roy then brings Ed's hand to his lips and kisses his fingertips. "There's no rush. Let's take our time."

Ed huffs impatiently at that, feeling Roy maneuver him backwards. When the back of his thighs hit the edge of the bed and Roy is directly in front of him, Ed quickly ducks out of the way and reverses their positions, gently pushing at Roy's chest until he tips backwards and lands on the bed with a slight bounce, blinking up at Ed with a surprised expression on his face. Ed just stands there and admires him for a moment before he climbs up and settles himself atop Roy's hips, his hands bracketing the man's head as he leans over him. Ed's hair falls around them like a curtain and Roy reaches up to gather it, holding it back and out of the way as Ed kisses him clumsily.

He trails his way down Roy's neck, over his throat and down to his chest, which he peppers with little kisses. Roy runs his fingers through Ed's hair as Ed makes his way back up to his mouth, giving him one last quick kiss before he sits upright. He can feel Roy's barely clothed cock poking him in the ass, even through his leather pants, and the thoughts that come from that make him flush. He shifts experimentally, feeling Roy go impossibly still beneath him, breath hitching.

Ed repeats the movement, and Roy's hands fly up to grab his upper thighs. Ed gently moves his hips again, curiously watching the way Roy's expression changes at the action – he blinks a couple of times and wets his lips, and Ed takes a shuddering breath.

He isn't really sure how far they were meant to be taking things, exactly, but what's happening now is giving him an idea as to what he wants to try. And Roy did say that it was up to Ed to decide whatever happens. All he has to do is ask.

"Do you want," he begins slowly then, pressing down against Roy's cock a little harder when he moves once more, "to be inside of me?"

At the question, Roy makes a sound that almost sounds like a sob. "Fuck, Edward..." he murmurs, letting go of one of Ed's thighs to press the back of his hand against his mouth, his eyes half-lidded.

"Yeah, that's what I'm asking," Ed says, deadpan. Roy lets out a short laugh, though it's mostly just a rush of breath, basically inaudible, and he just stares at Ed, who repeats his question: "Do you want to?"

"Is that what you want?" Roy asks him back, partially muffled behind the back of his hand.

Ed looks down at Roy's chest, thoughtful. "I think so," he answers honestly, and then he meets Roy's eyes. "I mean... I know that I want you, so... I'm willing to try it, if you are. I'm... intrigued."

"Are you sure?" Roy questions, caressing Ed's thigh in a way that Ed finds to be comforting. "There are lots of other things we can do – we don't have to jump straight into something that intense if you're not fully positive that you're ready for it."

Ed just nods. "I know," he says, and admittedly, it does make him a little nervous. Still, he's willing to give it a shot. "But I want to try. If I don't like it, then we can just stop and do something else, like you said."

"Of course," Roy murmurs. "Anything you want."

Ed bends down to kiss him again at that, feeling Roy grab his hips and then those hands slide around to his ass, but only for a moment, moving up to his back. Roy seems a little hesitant to go any further, like he's worried that Ed truly isn't ready. And he might not be, but he'll never know unless he tries.

After a couple of moments, Ed moves backwards until he's off of the bed and back on his feet, staring at Roy as he reaches for his belt.

"You know, Roy... I've thought about it before, actually," he confesses as he slowly undoes the belt, and then makes a little show of getting his pants open, watching the way Roy eyes him with interest. "Sometimes at night, whenever I was lying awake in bed. Sometimes I'd have dreams about it. Sometimes I would even think about it when we were in the same room or area. We would be in your office, for example, and you'd be going on and on about one of my reports, or giving me a lecture, or something like that, but the whole time I wouldn't even be listening to whatever you said."

Ed pauses in both his speech and his movements as he works up the courage to spit out what he wants to tell Roy, and after a second or two, he keeps talking, hands holding on to his pants to keep them up.

"I was too busy daydreaming," he says, not once breaking eye contact, "about you bending me over your desk, telling me how good I was being for you as you fucked me. I've thought about you... holding me down as I cried and begged for it, telling me to be quiet or else someone might hear me. I've thought about getting on my knees for you, hiding under the desk to suck you off while you're chatting away on the phone, your hand in my hair to keep me in place, out of sight, just in case someone were to come in. I've thought a lot about all of it, even right in front of you, and you were always just completely, blissfully unaware."

Edward shoves his pants down to his ankles and steps out of them, leaving him only clad in his pale blue boxer shorts. He places his hands on his hips and stands there for a moment as he watches the way Roy reacts to his words.

"What the fuck, Ed," is all Roy can seem to manage to say in response, staring at him in total disbelief. Ed just gives Roy a toothy grin and then climbs back into bed, settling back into place on top of him.

"Don't tell me you're actually surprised that I fantasized about you like that," Ed says, hands placed on Roy's chest, and Roy pushes himself up onto his elbows, still apparently unable to stop staring, lips parted in what Ed can only assume is shock.

"No, not really," Roy replies slowly after a few moments. "No, I just... I wouldn't expect you to freely admit to anything like that to me. Not... so bluntly, anyway."

Ed can only shrug, content with letting Roy believe that it was easy to say all of that right to his face. He thought that if he said it, it might make Roy feel more at ease doing this with him. "Just letting you know that I've definitely thought about us together. Many times, in fact. You don't have to worry about if I'm gonna be okay doing this or not."

"Yeah, well thinking about doing something and actually doing it are two very different things, you know. Thinking is much easier – though I'm sure you're very well aware of that."

"Mhm," Ed hums dismissively, unsure if Roy is referring to something specific or not, but not caring either way. "Well, you asked me if I'm sure about this or not – I'm telling you now that I am. I've made up my mind, all right? Stop being so hesitant with me now."

"You just seemed really standoffish and anxious earlier, in the car," Roy comments, and Ed had hoped that maybe he would be nice enough to not bring it up. "And now you're asking me if I want to fuck you. I just... I don't want you to push yourself too far, or feel like you have to do so in order to please me or something. I'm content with just this, really."

He vaguely gestures between them at that.

"I was anxious," Ed admits reluctantly after a moment, averting his eyes, "but it's just because I was thinking too much about it and making myself worry about stupid things. I took some time to calm down while I was looking around – I told myself that I know for a fact that I can trust you and that everything will be fine, so... I promise that I'm all right now. I want to do this with you – I'm not forcing myself. If you don't want to, then say so, but I do, so if you're on board, then let's just not talk about it anymore and... let it happen."

Roy doesn't respond for a moment. "All right, as long as you're sure–"

And that is all Ed needs to hear. He cuts Roy off with a kiss, not letting him have the chance to say anything more. Ed pushes Roy back down until he's once again lying flat on his back and Ed then slowly grinds against him, and it feels so much better now that they're both down to just their underwear. Roy groans against Ed's mouth and Ed finds the sound very pleasing, so he keeps grinding against him, wanting to hear it again. He is rewarded with another groan from Roy shortly after and hands eagerly grabbing his ass.

They just kiss for a while until Ed starts getting impatient, ready for something more to happen. He pulls back and kisses his way down Roy's chest and stomach, stopping only when he reaches the waistband of Roy's boxers. Ed meets Roy's eyes then, briefly glancing up at him through his eyelashes with a questioning gaze before he sits up and reaches for the band with his fingertips, waiting briefly to see if he can proceed.

Roy doesn't protest, so Ed begins to gently tug Roy's boxers down with his help until his cock springs free. Ed looks at it curiously, wanting to touch but unsure how to ask, unsure if he should even ask. He moves then to help Roy get his boxers all the way off, and then Ed carelessly tosses them onto the floor somewhere behind himself, leaving Roy completely naked underneath him.

Ed runs his left hand up Roy's thigh, dragging his fingertips over Roy's hip bone and then letting them drift over his skin until he reaches Roy's cock. He tries not to be shy about it, taking it in hand experimentally, finding it to be already slick but not very much so. Ed's so focused on it that he doesn't register that Roy has moved at all until something touches his wrist, and he looks up to find Roy offering a bottle to him. Ed uses his right hand to take it without question, looking it over.

"It's a type of oil," Roy explains as Ed just stares at the bottle blankly. "It's for–"

"I can guess what it's for," Ed interrupts and rolls his eyes, using his metal fingers to get the cap off. He releases Roy's cock to pour some of the oil into his left palm, feeling how slippery it is. He then returns his hand to Roy's flesh, giving him a couple of long strokes, slightly amazed at how easy it becomes for his hand to glide over the skin. He closes the bottle back up and sets it down on the bed, feeling Roy's legs tense up beneath him, and Ed drags his eyes up to look at the man's face.

He touches Roy the way he would normally touch himself – although it's at a different angle, so it's a little more awkward to do. He manages, though, delighting in the way Roy responds to it – his eyebrows knitting, chest heaving, softly swearing under his breath as one of his hands grasps at the blanket beneath them so hard that his knuckles turn white.

"Ed," Roy mumbles breathlessly, bringing his other hand up to run it through his own hair. "Edward, that feels good. You're taking such good care of me."

Ed feels a rush of pride in his chest at the praise – he's making Roy feel good and that makes him feel good. He keeps up his movements, growing more and more bold and enthusiastic until Roy has to grab his hand and stop him, mumbling something about not wanting to come just yet or else they won't be able to continue as planned. Ed utters out a quiet apology for getting carried away, and Roy gives him an odd look that he can't decipher, like he's just realized something. Ed wonders what it could be but he decides not to ask.

After Roy takes a couple of breaths and tries to regain his composure, Ed crawls back up to give him another quick kiss, feeling Roy gently grab his waist. Before Ed even realizes that anything is happening, Roy has already flipped them over and Ed finds himself pinned. He's strong enough that he could free himself if he really wanted to, but he quickly discovers that being held down like this turns him on a lot. He gazes up at Roy and squirms beneath him, waiting for whatever is going to happen next.

Roy transfers both of Ed's wrists to his right hand to keep him down while the other hand explores, ghosting over Ed's chest and stomach and continuing downwards, trailing off to the side to move over Ed's thigh. Roy reaches his bent knee before changing direction, going back up but along Ed's inner thigh instead. Ed shudders at the touch as Roy's hand goes higher and higher, but it stops at the bottom hem of Ed's boxer shorts, and they lock eyes for a moment. Ed holds his breath.

Roy releases Ed's wrists and sits back on his heels between Ed's legs. He reaches for Ed's boxers to slowly pull them down, and Ed lifts up to assist him, watching the way Roy carefully removes them so that they don't get caught on any part of Ed's automail leg.

With his boxers now gone, Ed suddenly feels too exposed and vulnerable, but Roy just looks at him like he's the most beautiful and perfect thing Roy has ever seen in his entire life, even in spite of the mismatched limbs, scars, and all other imperfections that Ed might have. It surprises him, but it also makes him feel a little more at ease.

Now that they're both completely naked, all of this feels more real, somehow. Ed tries to keep himself calm as Roy leans back over him, lowering himself down and letting his weight settle onto Ed without crushing him. The brush of bare skin against bare skin feels good in a way that Ed can't explain, and he runs his hands over Roy's shoulders and the back of his neck, thumbs brushing against Roy's jawbone as he pulls him down into a kiss.

They stay that way for a while, kissing lazily until Roy turns his attention back to Edward's neck. Ed tips his head back to give him easier access and Roy takes full advantage of it, kissing and nipping and sucking everywhere that he can reach. He works his way over Ed's chest, pausing at one of Ed's nipples to give it some attention, and the feeling has Ed making soft noises that he tries to muffle with his left hand. His cock gives a painful throb and he wants so badly to touch himself, but he's afraid that if he does, he'll come on the spot, pathetically fast.

Roy kisses Ed's sternum. "You're so damn beautiful," he whispers, and Ed can only lift his head to stare down at Roy, lips parted at the sincerity in his voice. He then kisses Ed's clavicle, and then shifts and presses a kiss directly to the automail port. "Every inch of you is perfect to me. I'm so in love with you that I don't know what to do with myself."

Ed swallows when Roy meets his eyes, his throat suddenly feeling tight. He finds himself at a loss for words, but he hopes that through his eyes, he can convey just how much he loves Roy back without having to try and get the words out when he feels strangely emotional like this. He reaches for Roy's hand, and Roy intertwines their fingers.

Roy then continues kissing his way down Ed's body, leaving a couple of marks behind in his wake in places that nobody will see. He takes Ed's cock into his left hand when he reaches it and touches his lips to it, and Ed's brain completely stops working at the sight, any thoughts he had before suddenly coming to a screeching halt. He stares at Roy between his thighs, feeling frozen, and squeezes the hand still in his own.

Roy then takes the tip of Ed's cock into his warm mouth and Ed thinks he might die right there and then, his whole body tensing up, his back arching and breath catching in his throat. The sound he makes is completely and utterly embarrassing, but Roy doesn't seem to care, gazing up at him with something like adoration as he mouths at Ed's cock, moving his left hand to press it against Ed's thigh to keep his legs spread wide.

Roy then does something with his tongue that makes Ed jolt and roughly grab Roy's hair with his right hand, suddenly very close to the edge with no warning.

"Fuck," he swears, unsure if he's pushing Roy away or trying to pull him closer. "Wait, Roy– too much, hold on–"

Roy pulls his mouth off of Ed immediately, looking a little worried as Ed just tries to calm himself down. As good as it felt to have Roy's mouth on him and as much as he would like to come right now, he doesn't want it to be over just yet. They still have things to do, after all. He releases Roy's hand and slings his left arm over his eyes as he takes a moment to just breathe.

"Do you want to stop?" Roy asks, and Ed lifts his arm a little to peek down at the man.

"No," Ed answers in between pants, shaking his head. "It was good, just... too much all at once. It was so fast, I– fuck, I already almost..."

He trails off, feeling mildly embarrassed. He isn't sure if what he said even makes any sense. Roy seems to understand his nonsense though, nodding.

"It happens," he says reassuringly, pressing a kiss to Ed's inner thigh, which makes Ed shiver. "Are you all right?"

"Sorry, yeah, just give me a minute," he murmurs in response, and Roy does as told, sitting up and backing off to give Ed time to collect himself, just like Roy had to do not too long ago. He lovingly rubs circles into Ed's knee as Ed lets his legs close together and tries to stop shaking.

A few moments pass and eventually Ed finally feels a little more prepared to continue, letting his arm fall away from his face. Roy has already moved again, sitting on the edge of the bed now. He looks at Edward with a curious expression.

"I think I'm all right now," Ed tells him, and then he swallows as he wordlessly lets his legs fall open again in invitation.

Roy takes a moment but he eventually moves back into his earlier position with his face between Ed's thighs, kissing along Ed's right one and trailing upwards. Roy sucks a mark into the skin there, and Ed just watches him do it, mesmerized.

Roy then makes his way back up to Ed's mouth, and Ed blindly reaches around to his left for the bottle of oil that's still lying somewhere in the bed. When he finds it, he breaks off the kiss and presses the bottle against Roy's chest, looking away as he does so, face growing warm. Roy takes it from him and then carefully moves Ed's legs, pushing them up a little, and Ed just lets himself be maneuvered, trying to hold still once Roy finishes getting him into the position he seems to want. He can hear Roy open the bottle, but he doesn't look until he feels the container drop beside him on the bed. He briefly sees Roy coating his fingers in the liquid before he leans over and presses their mouths together once again, temporarily distracting Ed with yet another kiss.

When Ed feels Roy's fingers brush against his hole, his eyes fly open and he jerks a little, tensing up – it still slightly startles him even though he figured that it would be coming. Roy breaks off the kiss to look at him questioningly, and Ed just blinks back before he gives a quick nod, reaching up to grab on to Roy's shoulders, crossing his ankles behind Roy's back to try to keep his legs in place.

Roy gently rubs at his hole, applying just a little bit of pressure but not yet pressing inside. He watches Ed's face as though looking for any signs of discomfort, and Ed just does his best to relax, holding his breath in anticipation.

He winces when a single finger slowly enters him. It's kind of uncomfortable and strange but it's bearable, and he quickly tries to adjust to the feeling of it sliding inside of him, stretching him open. Roy presses kisses to his face and Ed bites the inside of his own cheek, squeezing around the finger involuntarily.

He'd curiously experimented with this by himself once or twice in the past couple of years, on the rare occasion when he would sleep in a room by himself. He never got very far with it at all before he would give up due to having a hard time getting into a comfortable enough position to really get into it and enjoy it, however, and the usual lack of privacy prevented him from getting to try it more often. When he did get a moment alone, it was easier to just go right for the basic and quick method of getting off. So this is pretty much a new experience for him. He decides that he doesn't hate the feeling – it's a little uncomfortable, sure, but also exciting.

"How are you doing?" Roy asks him and from his tone, he seems mildly concerned. Ed can only shake his head, feeling a bit embarrassed. He doesn't particularly want to chat while Roy is sitting there fingering him, but he understands that Roy is just trying to make sure that he's comfortable with the situation. "Do you want me to keep going?"

"Yeah," he murmurs, hiding his face in Roy's shoulder and holding on to him tightly. He tries again, a little louder, "Don't worry about me. I'm okay, it's just... different."

Roy nods in response, and then he carefully slides his finger out and then back in, taking his time with it. Ed focuses on the feeling when Roy repeats the action again and again, letting himself get used to having something move within him. It's strange but it starts to feel good and he thinks that's what matters most.

When Ed thinks he could maybe take another finger, he gives Roy another nod and squeezes his shoulder, hoping he'll understand without Ed having to try to figure out how to awkwardly ask for it.

Roy does understand, and a second finger joins the first a moment later. Ed tries not to tense up when he feels it pushing in, but it begins to hurt a little at first so it's inevitable, and Roy presses a soft kiss to the place where Ed's neck and shoulder meet on his left side. He stops moving his hand once both fingers are fully inside of Ed's hole, letting him adjust to the wider stretch. Ed takes a couple of seconds to relax, taking a deep breath or two, and he lets Roy know when he's ready to proceed with another quick squeeze to his shoulder.

Roy gently works his fingers in and out of Ed, moving a little faster than before but keeping it fairly slow still at first. He gradually picks up the pace and the discomfort Ed had felt before begins to fade, especially when Roy changes the way his fingers are angled and brushes a spot deep within Ed that he finds to be extremely pleasurable to the point that it gives him chills all over and makes his toes curl.

"What the fuck," he whispers into Roy's shoulder, unable to keep himself from gasping softly every time that spot is touched. Roy's hand begins to slow as if he plans to stop and check in, so Ed quickly tells him, "Don't you dare stop doing that."

Roy chuckles at that and obliges him, returning to a slightly quicker pace. Ed clings tighter to Roy, trying to keep himself silent but having a harder and harder time doing so the longer it goes on and the more Roy prods at that spot inside of him.

Eventually, Roy easily slips a third finger in and Ed accepts it with practically no trouble, a quiet moan escaping him that Roy echoes as he begins to thrust his fingers in and out of Ed's body again. Ed feels a pressure building in his lower abdomen, and for a moment he's afraid he might once again get close to coming too early, but then, as if reading Ed's mind, Roy's fingers shift within him and he doesn't press too directly on that spot inside of Ed anymore, just barely grazing it instead. It still feels good, just no longer as overwhelming. Ed finds himself growing curious about how it might feel when they move on from fingers, though he supposes he'll find out shortly.

Not much later, Roy withdraws all three fingers which leaves Ed with an odd feeling of emptiness. Ed finally releases Roy then, no longer clinging so tightly to him. He lies flat against the pillow and Roy moves a little to kiss him thoroughly until he's breathless and almost dazed.

When they break apart, Roy sits up a little and reaches for the oil again. Ed eyes him as he pours some into his hand once more and then generously coats his own cock in the fluid. Ed swallows at the sight, his heart pounding so hard that it feels like it's going to explode – for a moment he isn't completely sure that Roy will be able to fit inside of him, which makes him a little worried that it might hurt.

Roy finishes up what he's doing and then lifts Ed's ass up a little and scoots closer to him, settling into place between his thighs. He hesitates before continuing, glancing up at Ed's face, and Ed hopes that Roy can't tell that he's nervous again.

"It might be easier for you if you turn over," Roy suggests then, but Ed just shakes his head.

"I'm fine just like this," he tells Roy, somehow managing to keep his voice steady. He then urges Roy forward by digging his heels into the man's back, balling his hands into fists at his sides as he waits for Roy to do something. "Now... come on. Please..."

"Just try to stay relaxed, okay?" Roy instructs in a soft voice, reaching down to line himself up. Ed watches him do so, and shuts his eyes tightly when Roy starts to press forward, easing his cock into Ed's body a little at a time.

Ed makes a quiet, strangled sort of noise in discomfort, feeling Roy reach up to caress his face soothingly for a moment, brushing his hair back. The feeling of Roy's cock pressing into him is decidedly very different compared to what his fingers felt like. Ed remembers to stay relaxed, but it's a bit difficult to do so.

Roy takes it slow, pushing in just a little and then pulling back in short, shallow thrusts, and Ed just tries to get adjusted to the feeling of being so stretched open. Roy repeats the actions but goes a bit deeper each time until he's finally all the way inside and Ed is completely filled up. He stops moving then and Ed just squeezes around him helplessly.

"Oh, fuck– Roy," he says, and then he repeats the swear about five times in quick succession, lifting his trembling hands to cover his eyes.

He takes a couple of breaths and just stays like that for a moment or two, hoping the slight pain he feels will subside quickly. It doesn't hurt that badly – he has experienced things that are much more painful than this in his life – but it's new and strange and Ed feels just a little bit self-conscious, which he thinks probably isn't helping him stay as relaxed as he should be.

"Tell me if you want me to stop," Roy says after a minute passes, but Edward only shakes his head again – that's the last thing he wants right now.

"No, it's okay," he replies, uncovering his eyes to look at Roy's face. "I'll be fine in a minute. It's just... it's really intense, but... I can take it."

Roy gives him a thoughtful look at that and then he nods in agreement. "Yes, you can," he murmurs, and Ed's face flushes, lips parting as he blinks up at Roy, who glances between their bodies to look at the place where they're connected. "You're taking it right now, and you're doing so well, too. Look at yourself, Ed – look at how perfect you're being for me."

Ed feels himself somehow growing more aroused at the words and he pulls Roy down into a messy kiss, letting his tongue brush against Roy's bottom lip until his mouth opens enough for Ed to slip it in. He tries to mimic the things that Roy has done to him while kissing, knowing that he's still probably not very good at it yet but guessing that he'll improve with time. At least Roy doesn't seem to be complaining.

After a minute or so, Roy shifts his hips and eases his cock out just a little before then gently thrusting back into place. Ed gasps into his mouth, breaking off the kiss and touching Roy's face with both hands, gazing up at him as he gives another short and shallow thrust into Ed's hole.

It stays slow like that for a little while until Ed attempts to move in time with Roy's thrusts, pressing back against him when he pushes in. Roy begins to ease out a little more and then he carefully glides back in a little deeper, repeating this process over and over. He gradually picks up speed after some time, going at a pace that Ed finds to be pleasant without being too much. Roy reaches up and grabs a fistful of Ed's hair as he leans forward to let their foreheads touch, both breathing heavier now, the mattress creaking beneath them.

A particularly rough thrust brushes against that spot inside of Ed again, and he lets his head tip back and his eyes fall shut, mumbling out a string of curses. His right leg slips off of Roy's back but Roy grabs the back of Ed's thigh and pushes the leg up until Ed's knee is almost touching his chest and his ankle is resting on Roy's shoulder. Roy holds it in place there as he continues moving in and out of Ed's body, this time slightly faster, pounding into him almost relentlessly. Ed can do nothing but squirm and try to hold back the sounds that want to escape his throat, unable to think about anything else except Roy.

Ed manages to get his left arm between them to touch himself, unsure how much more of this he can take. He feels exhausted, like he might pass out at any moment, and he's already beginning to ache from holding this position. He clumsily strokes his cock as Roy fucks him, and when Roy starts whispering words of encouragement and praise, urging him to let go, the familiar feeling of an impending orgasm sneaks up on Ed all too fast, building up and up and up–

And then it washes over him in powerful waves. His body goes taut and his back arches as he comes into his own fist, spilling over his fingers and onto his lower stomach, letting out a soft cry as it happens. Roy continues to fuck him through it, only slowing down and then pausing once Ed has gone completely limp beneath him.

Ed lies there for a moment, panting as he tries to recover from the intensity of that orgasm. His whole body feels sensitive in a different way now and he shivers when Roy touches his chest and face and presses tiny kisses into his skin.

"You didn't have to stop," Ed murmurs tiredly once he is coherent again and realizes that Roy hasn't been moving. Roy lifts his head to look at Ed's face, but Ed turns away just a little, suddenly embarrassed. "You can keep going until you finish."

"You'll probably get uncomfortable if I do," Roy tells him, and as if to prove his point, he weakly thrusts a couple of times and it doesn't feel as good as before – it's almost too much, even, with how sensitive Ed has become – but it's still tolerable enough that he could keep going until Roy comes. He just wants Roy to feel as good as Roy made him feel.

"I don't care," Ed says, pulling Roy into a quick kiss. "Just fuck me until you get there."

"I do care, even if you don't," is Roy's reply to that, and then he slips his cock out and Ed groans in annoyance at him as he moves away to lie down beside Ed instead, touching himself lazily. "I'm getting tired anyway."

Ed doesn't believe him. "You sound like an old man," he comments, and Roy just gives him a look of dismay.

"Will you please stop calling me old?"

Ed doesn't answer him, instead watching him continue to touch himself for a moment. Ed then sighs and pushes himself up to quickly climb into Roy's lap. As Roy opens his mouth to protest, Ed just grumbles, "Shut up and let me make you feel good, bastard."

And with that, he carefully lines himself up and sinks back down onto Roy's cock, and both groan in unison. Ed swears that if he hadn't just come so hard the way that he did, he would probably already be aroused again.

"You're so stubborn," Roy remarks between gritted teeth, hands moving to grab Ed's hips tightly. He doesn't try to get Ed off of him – in fact, he only pulls Ed down against himself more and rolls his hips up into him. "It doesn't matter what I say, you never listen to me."

"I don't know why you're bitching," Ed says then, "since you're currently benefiting from it."

He uses both of his legs and a hand that's pressing against Roy's chest to push himself up just a little before he sinks right back down to the base. He grinds against Roy momentarily and then lifts up again and lowers himself back down, only to repeat it again and again. He goes at a pace that he hopes is good enough and sticks to it.

Or, well... he tries to, at least – he finds it a little exhausting to keep pushing himself up and then carefully dropping down, though Roy starts assisting him with his own hands and hips and it becomes much easier. It gets to the point where Ed doesn't really move anymore – he pretty much just has Roy do most of the work, letting Roy use his body to get off and urging him on with soft words.

Eventually, Roy gives one hard jolt upwards until he's buried deep inside of Ed's body and he goes still, swearing under his breath. Ed can't help but to stare as Roy comes inside of him, a little fascinated at the expression on Roy's face when it happens. Roy gives a couple of weaker thrusts as he rides it out and then he stops again and relaxes, seemingly satisfied and spent. He's breathing hard now, his eyebrows knitted and eyes screwed shut, his face a little red. Ed leans over him and gently caresses Roy's cheek with his automail hand, knowing that his other hand is still a little messy, and Roy opens his eyes then. Ed looks into them and gives him a tired grin, and Roy just reaches up to tuck some of Ed's hair behind his ear.

After a moment, Ed gently pushes himself upwards and off of Roy, moving to lie down beside him, his head on Roy's chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat – Ed knows his own heart is still beating just as fast and hard. He sighs, feeling extremely tired and a little bit gross but overall pretty happy with this experience.

Roy strokes Ed's hair. "That was..." he begins but then stops as though he doesn't have the words to express what he wants to say. Ed feels similarly, humming in agreement. There are plenty of words that he can think of – intense, overwhelming, good, satisfying – but none of them come even a little close to describing how it actually was. Ed decides that maybe there just isn't a word for it.

"Yeah," he says then, smiling a little to himself. "We should definitely do that again sometime, and soon. Or, you know, something similar to that."

Ed can feel it when Roy nods in response. Ed glances upwards, trying to see Roy's face but unable to without sitting up. He doesn't think Roy will say anything at all until he softly asks, "When exactly do you plan on returning to Resembool?"

For some reason, the sudden thought of ever having to leave this room makes Edward's heart ache.

"I don't know," he answers honestly with a shrug, frowning a little. "In a couple of days, maybe? As soon as I got off of the train, I came straight to see you – I figured that I would just try to get information out of you first, and then determine whether or not to even bring up anything that happened before. And then, depending on how that went, I was either gonna just get right back on the next train and go home, or, if things went well... I'd hopefully stay for a couple of days here. With you. I brought extra clothes and stuff, just in case, but... I didn't know for sure what would happen, so I didn't exactly have much of a plan besides that."

Roy nods again, and Ed wishes he could somehow find out what Roy's thinking about right now – he seems off, in a way, like maybe something is bothering him. Ed for a second wonders if perhaps Roy's feeling regretful or something, but the way Roy keeps caressing him makes him reconsider the thought.

He then wonders where they're supposed to go from here. He thinks that maybe they should discuss it, but he definitely wants to clean himself off before getting into that conversation.

"Do you think I could take a shower?" he asks then, sitting up and looking at Roy, who is contemplatively staring at the ceiling.

"Of course," Roy replies as he meets Ed's gaze, gesturing vaguely to the open door of the bedroom. "I'm sure you saw where the bathroom was while you were looking around. There's spare towels in the closet in there."

"Thanks," Ed says and presses a soft kiss to Roy's lips before he gets out of bed, his legs wobbling a little as he stands.

He looks around for his clothes, finding them strewn all over the place, and then he debates opening his trunk to find something else to wear. Ultimately, he decides that Roy probably won't mind if he just doesn't wear anything – he feels wet between his thighs and sticky and he just wants to go wash off for now and worry about clothes later.

He reaches the doorway before turning and looking over his shoulder, finding Roy's eyes on him. Ed clears his throat and then tells him, "You can join me, if you want."

He doesn't wait for Roy's reply, heading into the bathroom to start the shower. He makes sure it's nice and hot before stepping in, but before he can get the curtain closed, he finds Roy right there and he slips in as well. Ed smiles up at him.

They take their time in the shower – Ed lets Roy wash his hair and they get caught up in a kiss afterwards, but it doesn't lead to anything else. Ed is a little thankful – he doesn't think he could take any more of that tonight, already beginning to ache in many places. He wonders if Roy is in the same boat or not.

A little while later, they finish up and get out, making sure to thoroughly dry off before heading back to the bedroom. As Roy settles under the blanket and dims the light a little, Ed goes to his trunk and retrieves a hairbrush – Winry had given it to him for his birthday last year, telling him that he really needed to be taking better care of his hair. Ever since then, he's been trying to make a habit of brushing it out more often.

He begins to run the brush through his hair and Roy looks at him fondly. "I could do that for you," Roy offers, and Ed feels heat rising in his cheeks, though he's unsure why. He wordlessly hands the brush over and takes a seat on the bed just in front of Roy, letting Roy brush his hair instead. It feels nice, and Ed just lets his eyes fall closed, enjoying it.

They don't speak. Ed means to talk to Roy about what happens next for them, but he thinks that it could maybe wait until the morning – for now, he'd rather just bask in the afterglow of all that has happened tonight and deal with the serious stuff when they wake up.

When Roy has finished with Ed's hair, he puts the hairbrush on the table and leans forward to press a kiss to Ed's bare left shoulder. Ed sighs contentedly and moves to get under the blanket, curling up against Roy's chest when he turns on his side to face Ed. He feels Roy press a kiss to his forehead, and he's so exhausted and comfortable that he passes out not much later.

—

In the morning, Edward wakes up to an empty bed. He feels a little disappointed that Roy hadn't waited for him to wake up before leaving, but he shoves the feeling aside and gets up. He immediately notices that he's feeling a little more sore than he was in the shower, mostly in his ass and thighs, and so he winces as he moves around, looking for his boxers.

He finds them on the floor by the foot of the bed and picks them up to pull them on with some difficulty. He ignores his pants but goes over to the chair in the corner, grabbing his sleeveless shirt that was tossed onto it last night. He pulls that on as well before moving to the door and peeking out into the hall.

Not seeing Roy yet, Ed quietly leaves the room and wanders down the hallway in search of him. He finds the man in the kitchen, reading a newspaper at the table and sipping on a cup of coffee. Ed stands in the doorway and blinks at him, almost feeling like he's in a dream.

"Good morning," Ed says groggily, rubbing at one of his eyes, and only when he speaks does he get Roy's attention – Roy glances up and meets Ed's gaze.

"Good morning," he repeats as Ed approaches him and gingerly takes the other seat with another wince that he hopes Roy doesn't notice. Much to Ed's dismay, Roy unfortunately does notice, lowering the newspaper to look Ed over. "Are you sore from last night?"

Ed just shrugs at that and Roy frowns. He puts the newspaper down on the table, giving Ed his full attention.

"I'm sorry," he says then, "I guess I should've been a little more gentle with you."

Ed rolls his eyes. "Shut up – I was into it. And I'm fine, really. It's nothing."

They both go quiet and Ed wonders why things feel so awkward between them now. He takes a breath, but Roy speaks again before Ed can even open his mouth to say anything.

"I made you breakfast." Roy gets up then to retrieve a bowl of oatmeal with fruit mixed in and a plate of scrambled eggs, setting both in front of Ed on the table, along with a glass of orange juice, seemingly remembering that Ed doesn't like milk. "I'm sorry I didn't wake you – you seemed like you needed the rest."

Ed looks at the small display of food and feels a surge of fondness in his chest. "Thanks," he murmurs, and he reaches for the fork on the plate to take a bite of the eggs, noticing that they're still fairly warm. He swallows as Roy sits back down, and tries to think of something to say, noticing that Roy is wearing his uniform. "Do you have work today?" is what he ends up asking.

"Soon," Roy answers and sips his coffee again. Ed just nods and continues eating, wondering what time it is. It's pretty early for sure, so they must not have slept for all that long. No wonder Ed still feels so tired. "Do you have any plans for today?"

Ed just shrugs again. "Nothing in particular. I thought about maybe visiting Lieutenant Hawkeye or something, but then I realized she'll probably be at work with you, so..."

"She's been taking some time off," Roy says, and Ed quickly gives him a worried glance, so he quickly adds, "Nothing is wrong, don't worry – she just needed some rest, but she'll be back to work in a couple of days. I'm sure she would appreciate your company if you went to see her."

Ed just nods. After some time, Roy speaks again to tell Ed, "You're welcome to just stay here, too, if you want. Or I suppose you could come keep me company in my office while I get some work done, though I'm afraid we'll have to be careful about what we say or do, since... you know."

Since they have to keep this thing between them a secret. He doesn't say it, but Ed knows what he means. Due to their gap in age and the fact that they're both men, keeping them a secret is the best and safest option for multiple reasons.

"But maybe tonight," Roy begins again, "if you're feeling up to it, we can go out with the others and have a few drinks to celebrate your birthday."

"That sounds nice," Ed replies. He can't tell why, but things still feel off. Maybe it's just the lack of certainty surrounding their relationship – it isn't very clear if they're going to be together now or what. He needs to know for sure what's going on, needs to make sure they're on the same page. Ed doesn't want this to just be a one time thing, and he doesn't think Roy does either, but he needs to be sure, and he needs to know what is going to happen after this.

It goes quiet again, and so Ed pushes his plate away, unfinished, and prepares to ask the question.

"Can we talk? About..." Ed pauses and gestures pathetically between them, "...us?"

"Okay," Roy says, seeming a little confused. "What's this about?"

Ed wets his lips, wondering what he should say first. Of all the things he can think of to ask, he decides on, "Do you... want to be with me? Exclusively?"

Roy doesn't even hesitate. "Of course I do, Ed. I thought I made it clear to you last night how I feel about you. If not with my words, then my actions."

Ed feels his face get warmer thinking of everything they both said and did. "Well... I thought so, but I just had to be sure. So... if you wanna be with me, and I wanna be with you, then... what's the problem?"

Roy raises an eyebrow. "Problem?" he repeats as if he doesn't know what Ed is talking about.

"Yeah," Ed replies, crossing his arms. Surely he hasn't just been imagining it. "Your problem. What is it? You just seemed... off, last night. Weird, I guess. I don't know. I just... I noticed it after we..."

He doesn't finish that sentence. Roy just sighs.

"I don't have a problem," he assures Ed, but Ed still isn't convinced. Roy pinches the bridge of his nose. "Not exactly. It's just... I got to thinking. Once you leave and go back to Resembool... then what?"

Ed's gaze softens. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," Roy says, "you'll be all the way out there, or off someplace else, like Xing or maybe out west or god only knows where else, and I'll just be here because I won't be able to have the free time to go anywhere. I'm just worried about how often I'll get to see you, and how that could impact us. Before you showed up last night, we hadn't seen each other in months, and you don't know how much I missed you in that time – and we weren't even together. I can't even imagine how it's going to feel to be away from you now that things have drastically changed between us."

Ed looks down at the table. To be honest, he missed Roy too, but not only was Ed busy, it was also just hard to be around Roy and have to hide how he felt. He doesn't have to do that anymore, though, so he thinks things will be different.

"I can come visit more often," he suggests, but Roy still doesn't seem completely happy with that answer. "I mean... I don't mind the long train rides. Besides, I'm not going back to Xing for a while, or anywhere else like that. I hopefully won't be as busy, so maybe I can come to Central to see you more."

"But who's to say that I won't be busy?" Roy asks, and Edward thinks about that, unsure of what to say. "You know how much I have to work, especially since my promotion. Will you really just show up and wait around until I'm free when you've also got things you need to take care of? And besides, do you think you'll want to spend a lot of your time and money traveling back and forth from there to here just to get to see me for a little while?"

If Ed is honest, then not really – going from Resembool to Central takes a couple of hours, and it's the same to go home, meaning that he wouldn't be able to just go on a whim – everything would have to be kind of planned out. Especially with everything that he and Al have been doing lately, like rebuilding their house or practicing alkahestry or studying together, plus there's all of those odd jobs that Ed has been doing for money that often keep him busy for days at a time sometimes. Due to the distance, Ed can't easily just go to Central when he has a free moment in hopes that Roy might also be free to see him – it just isn't practical, and it's not like Ed has anything to really do in Central besides visiting Roy, so in the end, he'll be wasting a lot of time just sitting around. It's unfortunate, but they probably just won't get to spend much time together no matter what they do.

Would it be worth it to try, though? Ed thinks so, but he knows that there has to be a better solution.

Ed guesses that he could always move out here to see Roy more often that way, which is probably what Roy is hoping for. But while Ed's sure that everyone would be supportive if moving is what he wanted to do, he would prefer to be back in the place that he grew up, surrounded by what family he has left. Al and Winry and Granny Pinako are all out in Resembool, which is also close enough to Dublith, meaning that out there, he can still see Izumi pretty often too. Plus Gracia and Elicia are in East City, which is close enough that he can visit them whenever as well.

At that thought, Ed suddenly remembers something Roy mentioned last night (though it already feels like a lifetime ago now).

"Wait, didn't you say they might transfer you back out to East City again?" he asks, and Roy looks surprised at the question.

"Sure, but there's no guarantee of that happening. It hasn't been discussed all that much, so nothing is set in stone."

"But if you did transfer back, you would have to move out that way anyway," Ed tells him, leaning forward a little. "And East City isn't that far from Resembool at all. In fact, it's close enough that you could probably commute, if you wanted."

Roy blinks at Ed. "Are you... asking me to move to Resembool?" he questions, and Ed nods enthusiastically, placing his hands on the table.

"Why not? If you go back to Eastern HQ, you could just stay with me and Al after we get our house back in order, and then we could see each other all the time since we'll live together! Just think about it, Roy."

Roy goes quiet, seemingly thoughtful. Ed knows that it isn't a perfect solution – they're still obviously going to have to keep their relationship secret for the most part to avoid judgment and ridicule until the day Roy becomes Fuhrer and can change things, but keeping it secret might be hard to do if they suddenly start being seen together more often since they'll be living together. Ed isn't sure if the people out there will speculate on what kind of relationship they have or not, but either way, they'd probably have to be extra careful since any kind of scandal could potentially cost Roy his future as Fuhrer.

Plus, if Roy moves in with Ed, Al will be living with them (and if things keep going the way they're going, possibly even May, too), meaning they won't get much privacy – at least not until they can find somewhere else to live together maybe, somewhere that's close by. It could make things pretty awkward in the meantime, however.

But in spite of all of that, Ed is convinced that they can still make it work somehow. They could potentially even move somewhere halfway between East City and Resembool as well after a while. It wouldn't be so bad. They'd get to see each other every day but still do what they have to do. It could work, couldn't it?

Ed's thoughts suddenly come to a halt, and he wonders if he's getting ahead of himself – they've only just established that they want to be together, they have slept together exactly once, and it hasn't even been a whole day since either of those things have happened. And here Ed is, already asking Roy to move out east to be with him and planning a future where they live somewhere together. He blushes and begins to backtrack a little, realizing that he probably came on a little too strong and needs to tone it down a bit.

"Um, maybe take some time to think about it, actually," he says quietly then, and holds his hands up, embarrassed. "I didn't mean to start getting ahead of myself and moving things too fast or anything. It is something to consider for the future, though. For now, I can just travel back and forth, maybe once or twice a week or something like that. I'll just... make sure to call before I do, to give you a heads up and to make sure you're available. If that's all right with you. And maybe later we can find some way to make things more equivalent so I'm not the only one traveling and stuff. It isn't much, but..."

"It'll work for now," Roy finishes for him, but when Ed looks at him, he's smiling a little. "And that's all right, Ed – I will still consider your offer, even if it's not for a while. Also, we can think of something, I'm sure – even if I just get transferred and move back to East City itself, I'll still be close and can probably work out a way to get some extra free time to see you more. Maybe I won't see you every day, but still more often than if I were to stay here, I hope. So I'll ask again about the transfer – it's a good idea."

"Yeah, okay," Ed murmurs, nodding in agreement. He goes quiet for a few moments, reaching up to twirl a strand of hair around his finger, and then, still needing the clarification, he asks, "So are we... officially together now? Like... lovers?"

"I'd like that very much," is what Roy answers that question with, smiling. Ed nods and stands up to move over in front of Roy, who turns in his chair to face Ed now.

"I'd like that too," Ed says after a moment, and Roy reaches up to gently touch his face, guiding him downwards into a kiss. Ed grabs on to Roy's shoulders as he kisses back, and it feels just like three years ago, in Roy's old office in East City – their first kiss. It's been a long time since then, but Ed has never forgotten how it went, or what it felt like.

He still can't quite believe everything that has happened since arriving in Central. It almost doesn't feel real, almost like another one of his dreams. His aching body and Roy's tongue currently in his mouth prove that it was in fact real, however.

Ed feels incredibly happy that he almost thinks he could burst, unable to contain it. He and Roy are together, something he's been wanting for so long now, and everything is just... perfect. Well, not perfect, but as close to it as possible – there's still a few little things to work out here and there, of course, but overall, Ed is very pleased.

The kiss breaks a moment later, and Ed straightens up and looks down at Roy's face.

"How much longer until you have to leave?" Ed then asks, and he carefully moves to sit in Roy's lap, straddling him. Roy shamelessly grabs Ed's ass to hold him up as Ed presses kisses along Roy's jawline and runs a hand over the front of Roy's uniform, starting at the chest and slipping downwards.

"A few minutes," Roy responds, and Ed just groans, knowing that means that there definitely isn't enough time for them to fool around. Roy chuckles and presses a kiss to Ed's temple. "I know, I know. I'll make it up to you later, though, if you want. I still have to make it up to you for last night, too."

Ed leans back a little to look at Roy quizzically. "What do you mean? Make up for what?"

Roy looks a bit embarrassed. "I think I specifically told you that I would make you come, didn't I? But I didn't get to. You went ahead and took care of it yourself before I got the chance."

Ed just shrugs, his face feeling hot. "That was a joint effort," he insists, and Roy doesn't argue, humming.

"I still want to do it myself, if you're amenable," he then says, giving Ed's ass a gentle pat as he urges him up. "But that will have to wait for now. Why don't you go and get dressed and I'll drop you off at the lieutenant's so that you can pay her a visit?"

"All right," Ed replies and he reluctantly climbs off of Roy's lap. He's definitely looking forward to whatever Roy has in mind for later, after they get back from whatever else he has planned.

Ed then heads back to the bedroom to put his pants and shoes on, also making sure to tie his hair back into a ponytail, out of the way. At the last minute he makes sure to grab his white hooded sweatshirt and puts it on, just in case it's cold. When he's ready to go, he finds Roy waiting for him in the living room, and the man gestures for Ed to go ahead of him to the door. They head outside and quickly get into the car, and then they're off.

Only once they're on the way to Hawkeye's does Roy speak again.

"I'll be leaving early tonight so that we can go out," is what he tells Ed, and then he one-handedly reaches into his pocket and pulls out some change, passing it to Ed, who wordlessly takes it and looks at it in confusion. Roy briefly glances at him and then clarifies, "That's so that you can call me later and let me know where to pick you up if you're not already in my office or back at my place when I get there. Just let me know where you'll be going after this – if you don't plan to spend the whole day with Riza, that is – and if I need to get you. Make sure to give your full name to the operator so that you'll be patched through to me."

Ed nods and pockets the change, and then, realizing that Roy can't exactly see him since he's focusing on the road ahead, he simply says, "Gotcha."

"Also," Roy begins again, "I know I probably don't have to tell you this, but just... don't mention anything to Riza about us or what happened last night. If you don't mind, I'd like to tell her myself at a later time. I need to prepare myself for a possible lecture from her."

"Lecture?" Ed asks with an amused smile.

"I fully expect her to point a gun at my head and tell me that I better not hurt you or else."

Ed just laughs at the thought. "I would absolutely pay just to see that."

Roy shrugs. "Who knows? You might even get to see it for free."

He pulls the car to a stop outside of Hawkeye's apartment not too much later, and then he turns slightly to his left to look at Ed, an arm resting on top of the steering wheel.

"Here we are," he announces, and Ed glances behind him and out of the window at the lieutenant's building.

It's a different place than the last one she'd lived in, Ed notices, but then he quickly remembers that she had moved back to East City with Roy for a while after The Promised Day and they only got transferred back last year. And if things go the way Ed and Roy had talked about, she'll probably be moving once again, following Roy wherever he goes.

Ed then shifts his gaze and meets Roy's eyes before he leans over. Roy meets him halfway, pressing their lips together briefly. Ed pulls back first and then reaches for the handle of the door with his left hand.

"See you later," he says and then steps out onto the street, but before he closes the door, he peeks back in, his face getting warm and his hair falling into his eyes as he softly adds, "Love you."

Roy just smiles warmly at him, and Ed thinks that he looks far too handsome. "I love you too, Ed," he replies.

Ed then awkwardly gives Roy a casual salute before he shuts the door, his heart beating faster. He doesn't know if he'll ever get used to hearing those words come out of Roy's mouth. It's still unfamiliar, but he definitely likes it. He hopes to keep hearing it for a long time.

The rest of his life, maybe.

That sounds nice.

"See you tonight," Roy tells him then, and Ed nods before he takes a few steps back, watching with a smile of his own as Roy drives off down the road and makes a turn at the end of the street, his car moving out of sight when he does. Ed shakes his head and then heads over to the building directly in front of him, unable to stop smiling.

It feels like everything has completely changed already, and Ed knows that things are only going to continue to change from now on. He wonders if any of this would've still happened had he not gone to see Roy that night three years ago. If he'd waited to confess and just pined in silence for months or even years, who knows how different things would be now? Maybe Roy would've finally moved on like he'd tried so hard to do, and maybe Ed would've been too discouraged to ever tell him after waiting for so long. Maybe they would both be with other people.

Or maybe they still would've managed to get together somehow. Maybe things could've gone the way that Al had described – Ed could've bottled his feelings up and held it in for so long that one day he'd just burst and let it all out, and maybe it still could've led to something. Or maybe it would've ruined their relationship forever. Things could be so different now, so Ed is just happy that things turned out the way that they did, that he didn't wait, and that Roy still agreed to talk about everything with him when he showed up unannounced last night.

To be honest, Ed was pretty sure that when Roy had kissed him way back then, that was going to be all that he would ever get – sure, he was hoping for more after the way the conversation went at the end and all, but there was always a huge part of him that seriously doubted that anything more would ever happen between them. He still felt that way last night too, but he knew that in spite of everything, he still wanted to try.

And he's so glad that he did, because now they're together, and it all happened so fast that Ed still has trouble believing that he isn't just stuck inside of yet another one of his dreams. He'd waited so long for a chance to be with Roy the way that he wanted, and just as Ed knew it would be, the wait was absolutely worth it. In the end, everything did work out, just like he'd hoped it would.

Well, mostly everything. But all of the rest can be taken care of later, and they'll do it together. It might not be easy, but that won't matter as long as they have each other – and they do have each other now.

And because of that, Edward truly couldn't be happier.