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The first time Patrick does it, it’s an accident.
Jonny’s already written and sealed his Christmas cards because he is ridiculous and totally efficient with things like that while Patrick hasn't even considered that it's a thing he should probably do. Usually he'd just buy a round of drinks the last day the 'Hawks get together and that's that. It’s not that he doesn’t care because he does, he’s just not into writing out a kazillion cards just because it’s Christmas.
He’s round at Jonny’s about three weeks before Christmas, staring at the pile of cards on the coffee table. Jonny’s in the shower because he's the sort of person who won't budge his routine even when Patrick is sitting in his living room with a beer and the TV on low and contemplating opening the cards. He could just sign his name on the bottom and nobody would be the wiser, not even Jonny. It’s not like any of the guys would care; they constantly rag on Jonny and Patrick for being giant co-dependent assholes and Patrick isn’t dumb enough to think that they’re not. At least, not all the time. He grabs a pen from the tray on the coffee table (and who keeps pens easily accessible, god Jonny is such a weirdo) and flips open the envelopes; Jonny's sealing is inadequate and Patrick gets in easily. He only touches the Blackhawks’ pile because he’s not going to scribble all over cards for family and non-hockey friends. He flips open each one and adds, & Kaner! :) to the bottom, re-sealing them when he’s done. He's just shoving them back into a pile when Jonny walks into the room, rubbing at his hair with a towel. He's barefoot and bare-chested but at least he’s wearing sweatpants. Patrick stares pointedly at his face.
"What did you do to my cards?" Jonny's scowling but it lacks the heat Patrick is used to having directed at him.
Patrick just grins, aiming for douchey and probably faltering, what with the way Jonny's dropping the towel on the back of the couch and leaning over to inspect the cards. Geez, it's not like he went along licking them or anything and he makes himself strike that line of thought because he doesn’t need to be thinking about licking while Jonny is bare-chested in his face. Not that he considers this scenario a lot and he’s usually better at tamping down on that shit when he’s in Jonny’s apartment.
"I didn't touch them, relax."
Of course that's when Jonny opens the top card - Sharpy's - and sighs. "Dammit, Patrick."
"What?" Patrick looks as contrite as he's able. "I meant to get them, okay? You're just... more efficient than me?"
Jonny's still scowling but rather than looking angry, he’s sort of got that twitchy eyebrow thing going on that he does when Patrick's done something mildly amusing and doesn't want to admit it to himself. "I don't have any cards left, so I guess I’m just going to have to deal.”
Jonny can sound put-upon all he likes, he totally can't fool Patrick.
Patrick refrains from messing with Jonny’s shit until Seabs’ birthday rolls around and Patrick tags along when Jonny goes shopping. He spends the whole trip mocking Jonny for being a big fat liar because he’s been claiming that he's had the present for ages. When they get back to Jonny’s apartment, Patrick signs his name on the tag anyway and even scrawls a hasty & Patrick!!! at the bottom of the card. Jonny totally doesn’t notice which is great, but also kind of sad. Patrick’s some kind of masochist because he wants Jonny to notice, wants him to call Patrick on it even if he isn’t exactly sure why.
Seabs looks way to amused when he opens the card, looking pointedly at Patrick who shrugs and claims he had to make sure Jonny didn’t suck at gift giving. Jonny’s too busy spluttering and being indignant about his shopping skills to get annoyed that Patrick’s written on his card, again, but as soon as they’re alone, Jonny hooks a hand around the back of Patrick’s neck and shakes him a little. “Get your own gifts, Patrick,” but he doesn’t look angry, so much as he’s searching Patrick’s face. For what, Patrick doesn’t know.
"Next time, do it yourself, Patrick," becomes Jonny's go-to phrase but he never actually makes Patrick do it. In fact, he seems to be doing the opposite, leaving the cards and presents out on the coffee table deliberately and in Patrick's line-of-sight when he inevitably comes round. Patrick tugs them towards him and pretends he doesn't notice the fact that Jonny's squeezed his name into a small space so that Patrick has room, or that he hasn't bothered to seal the card yet.
It doesn't mean anything.
Sharpy isn't quite so subtle with his questioning of Patrick's motives.
He's peering over Shawsy’s shoulder at the card in his hands and looks way more amused than anybody has a right to. "So Seabs and the Christmas cards weren't just flukes, huh Peeks?"
Patrick shrugs easily, feeling his cheeks warm. Whatever, Sharpy doesn't know anything. They were just there and it's not his fault he's terrible at remembering anyone’s birthday. Except for family. And Jonny.
"Whatever, I was with him when he bought it.” Which isn't a lie. He totally was.
Jonny is just staring at them from his stall, lip twitching and fuck him anyway. He was totally going to flip his shit the last time, and now he’s all happy and whatever. Patrick doesn’t even know what his deal is.
"Uh-huh." Sharpy looks skeptical but still amused. "And Duncs is going to get a separate present from you guys, right?"
Patrick throws a dirty sock in his laughing face.
It doesn't stop, is the thing.
Patrick doesn't expect Jonny to buy stuff and let him sign it, he's not a complete douchenozzle. If he chooses to pointedly send emails to Jonny about what certain people might like for birthdays and special occasions, then that’s his business. Jonny does the actual buying and wrapping because Patrick once ended up wrapping his hand instead of the gift and Jonny doesn’t trust him anywhere near scissors. The cards and gifts are never given without getting Patrick to sign them first and it grows until the fact that they’re giving joint presents becomes a thing in the locker room.
They already get shit about being Kane and Toews, the 'Hawks power couple!, but apparently buying gifts and giving them together is a whole new realm of Holy Shit for these fucks.
Jonny starts to get a little wild around the eyes every time someone mentions it but Patrick grins and takes the ribbing, exclaiming how much bigger and better shit is going to be next time.
The next Christmas, after their gifts and cards have been handed out, they get joint cards in return.
Patrick stares down at the gaudy winter card from Sharpy and to the place where he’s signed, "To Patrick & Jonny" in his calligraphic writing and doesn't really know what to say.
Sharpy's grinning like he's a fucking god and whatever, he's terrible.
"We don't even live in the same house," Patrick says weakly.
Sharpy tosses his head back and laughs like the asshole he is. "I'm sure you'll figure it out, Peeks."
Jonny is less amused and stomps around Patrick’s apartment for like an hour when they get back. Patrick doesn't know what his issue is.
"It's a card, Jonny, chill."
Jonny turns wild eyes on him. "Don't you get it?"
And no, Patrick doesn't get it actually. He ignores Jonny's bitch fit because it's the only sane thing to do and opens his laptop.
He knows it’s going to piss Jonny off even more but sometimes Jonny blows hot and cold so often, it drives him insane. "Patrick."
"What?" Patrick looks up, frowning. "Relax, it's not like he thinks we're sleeping together or anything."
There's a long pause that's kind of heavy and Patrick shuts his mouth with an audible click. Well shit.
Things get uncomfortable after that.
They don't go out of their way to change anything else they do but Patrick makes half-hearted attempts to buy his own gifts and write his own cards. He doesn’t know what to do with the look on Jonny’s face when he presents them solo. It's not Patrick’s fault, he wasn’t the one that lost his shit over the joint card thing anyway. He pretends he can’t see the concerned looks Sharpy, Seabs and Duncs throw him, then Jonny, and instead plans on Christmas with his family this year being absolutely baller to make up for it.
He’s forgotten that last year he and Jonny gave their families joint presents. It’s not something he’s really thought about since, or even before they did it, but as soon as his mom hands out the gifts he bought them, she stares at the tags and raises an eyebrow. "Jonny didn’t want to put his name on these this year?”
Patrick doesn't answer. It’s not like they’re joint at the hip or anything, even if the co-dependent thing still happens sometimes.
"Yeah, Patty. I'm not sure I want to know what you got me," Jackie says, grinning and nudging him with her elbow.
Patrick opens his mouth to retort, probably snaps something rude but fuck Jonny anyway. He just opens his gifts, ignores the looks his family give him and pretends to enjoy himself. It only lasts until just after dinner, when he has to escape to the bathroom to call Jonny. It goes to voicemail which isn’t a total surprise and Patrick doesn't have to hear his voice or anything.
"You're an asshole," he says into the handset, scowling hard at the curtains in the bathroom. "My parents think we've like, broken up or something. This is all your fault, losing your shit over that damn card." He's not entirely sure what his point is but he definitely has one. "Have a good Christmas, you asshole."
He doesn't look at his phone again until the evening, when everyone's chilling in front of the TV. Jackie's leaning against his arm, tearing up at the movie that Patrick isn't actually watching. He’s definitely not desperate to figure out just what had Jonny all in a twist about the team thinking they were fucking or anything. It’s not the first time they’ve joked about it, about Patrick and Jonny being a two-team thing for the rest of time or anything. His mom has been giving him concerned looks all day and he can't actually deal with it anymore. He can tell she's half a second from asking him to spill everything and he can't lie to his mom, so he sneaks a look at his phone and sees four texts from Jonny, all asking him what's wrong.
He excuses himself from the living room and dials Jonny's number, not having to wait long for an answer.
"What?"
"Bad fucking timing, Pat," Jonny says. He's using Patrick's name which means whatever he's going to say next is serious even by Jonny standards and Patrick needs to pay attention. "We can't break up if we're not together in the first place."
Patrick frowns. It's not exactly what he wants to hear but they've never really done anything the right way. "Maybe we should just not break up."
Jonny sucks in a breath. "Patrick, what-"
"You know what I'm saying, Jonny, don't make me-" Patrick gives a frustrated sigh because whatever, this is fucking terrible. Jonny is in Winterpeg and Patrick's in Buffalo and he can’t see the look on Jonny's face right now and that is a major tragedy in his life right now.
"Yeah okay." The silence stretches but it's not uncomfortable. "Like I said, terrible fucking timing."
"I know, asshole," Patrick says, grinning. Because yeah, maybe they are kind of co-dependent and maybe this has been coming for a while and fuck Sharpy anyway. Even if he should kind of get credit for making them actually say things out loud about it, it’s still his fault. "When are you going back to Chicago?"
"27th," Jonny says, quick, like he has to get it out before he really thinks about it. "You'll be there?"
"Yeah," Patrick says, equally as fast. "I will."
Jonny snorts but when he says, “Yeah, Pat,” he sounds happy.
"Kay, asshole, I better go before mom comes looking. We could have been having sex for months, Jonny, you better make this up to me."
"Fuck you," Jonny says, but his voice is low and perfect and yeah, yeah this is going to be okay.