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“It’s not what it looks like.”
And oh does Eddie hate himself at this particular moment in time, because the look on Buck’s face tells him that not a word he’s just said is believable.
He closes his eyes briefly—just for a moment—and steels himself.
Why?
Why did he do it?
Why did he think it would be a good idea to—
“So, you’re not reading Hotshots fanfiction about Jones railing Sanchez in explicit detail in the middle of your kitchen in broad daylight?” Buck asks, looking highly amused. “Because that’s exactly what this looks like.”
Yes.
Well.
“That’s—that’s just—” Eddie stumbles over his words, before collecting himself. “You can’t possibly know that just from a two second look at the screen.”
He’s well aware it’s not the strongest defence he could have come up with—if it even counts as a defence at all—but it’s out there now.
The only response he receives from Buck is a raised eyebrow, and Eddie flushes. He hates knowing his cheeks are definitely red enough for Buck to notice, and he hates even more that it’s not going away in the slightest.
He’s about to continue defending himself, when a rather mischievous look crosses Buck’s face. He watches as Buck takes a step to the side, positioning himself directly opposite Eddie, and looks down at the tablet.
“‘Please tell me you know how much I love you,’ Jones says as he looks into Sanchez’s eyes,” Buck quotes, reading from the screen.
“Stop it,” Eddie tries, taking a step to the right towards Buck. “You’re being a dick.”
Buck takes a step to his right immediately, a cheeky grin spreading across his face as he continues, “‘Of course I do. I love you too,’ Sanchez responds.”
“I hate you,” Eddie says, meaning every word. “You’re a terrible friend.”
Buck spares him an incredibly amused look, before looking back down at the tablet.
And Eddie closes his eyes again, because he knows what’s coming.
How is this his life?
Why is this his life?
“‘Good, baby,’ Jones whispers in response. ‘Because I’m about to’”—Buck chokes as he says—“‘fuck you like I don’t.’”
There it is.
Jesus fucking christ.
“Holy shit, Eds, I had no idea you were so—”
“This is an invasion of my privacy,” Eddie throws back at him, not really meaning it. If the look on Buck’s face is anything to go by, he knows it too. “What I choose to read in the privacy of my own—uh—kitchen—is my business.”
“Why were you reading it in your kitchen?” Buck asks incredulously. “Are you sure this isn’t more of a bedroom kind of—”
“Oh fuck off,” Eddie says through a laugh as he watches Buck trying to hold back his own amusement. “I wasn’t exactly expecting you to show up and help yourself to my tablet.”
“You were acting dodgy as hell, man,” Buck says, grinning again. “I thought it was gonna be porn. And I mean, I guess I was right, because this is—”
“It’s not porn,” Eddie pathetically attempts to defend himself. “It’s literature.”
“Literature,” Buck chokes out through a laugh. He takes a second to scroll down the page on the tablet a little further. “Sanchez leans down, his mouth falling swiftly onto Jones’s cock, swallowing it all the way down to the base.”
“Spoilers!” Eddie yells at Buck, attempting to dive around the table only for Buck to dodge him at the last second. “I haven’t got that far yet!”
“You haven’t”—Buck gasps for air—“got that far yet? Oh my god, Eddie, you’re killing me.”
That’s ironic, because Eddie’s starting to wish someone would show up and put him out of his misery.
“Wait,” Buck continues, before Eddie has a chance to say anything. “Which ones are Jones and Sanchez?”
Eddie freezes.
“Uh, they’re just two of the firefighters on the show,” Eddie says, doing his best to remain calm.
Something in his voice must give him away, because Buck gives him an unreadable look.
“Here,” Buck says, extending his arm across the table to hand Eddie the tablet.
And if Eddie snatches it from him, that’s his business, and his alone. He locks the screen immediately even though he knows Buck knows his passcodes, and shoves the tablet behind him on the counter.
By the time he looks back at Buck, Buck’s got his phone out and he’s typing something into what looks like Google and—
“No!” Eddie shouts, diving for Buck’s phone. He almost has it, truly, before Buck throws his hands as far into the air as possible. “Stop it!”
Buck laughs, dodging Eddie as he attempts to jump up and grab his phone.
“I just wanna know what they look like,” Buck explains, attempting to type again. “I need the visual, you know?”
Yeah, Eddie does know.
That’s the exact reason Buck can’t know what Jones and Sanchez look like.
“Just—give me the damn—phone!” Eddie gasps between jumps. “You don’t want to do this!”
“Uh, I really do,” Buck insists, and fuck this.
Eddie realises if he wants to maintain what remains of his dignity, he’s gonna have to play dirty.
“I’m sorry,” Eddie says to a confused looking Buck. “You made me do this.”
Eddie digs his fingers into Buck’s sides, tickling him mercilessly in an effort to make him stop typing. And it’s successful, for all of about three seconds, before Buck makes a run for it to escape the kitchen.
Eddie gives chase.
There’s only so many places Buck can run in the house, and Eddie’s pretty sure he won’t go for—oh, great, yeah, Buck’s gone for his bedroom. The only room in the house with a currently working lock.
“Buck!” Eddie calls out as he attempts to turn the very much locked door handle. “You can’t lock me out of my own bedroom!”
Except that Buck can, and Buck has.
“This Jones guy kinda looks like me,” Buck yells out, sounding slightly amused before going silent again for a few seconds.
And great, Eddie knows what’s coming.
He gives it five seconds max, before the door opens and Buck—
Yep, there he is.
And fuck, Eddie doesn’t know why he does it when he knows Buck’s most likely already seen a picture of Sanchez, but he makes one last ditch attempt at stopping Buck from seeing the truth by tackling Buck onto the bed, grabbing his phone out of his hand, and tossing it off to the side.
He almost loses his balance in the process, and is forced to throw his hands out on either side of Buck’s head to stabilise himself.
Buck looks genuinely surprised to find Eddie suddenly straddling him, but he still manages to wheeze out the words, “Sanchez looks like you.”
Eddie doesn’t say anything.
He’s definitely too late.
Wonderful.
“Why were you reading gay porn about guys who look like us?” Buck asks, and Eddie refrains from pointing out the obvious.
Instead, he attempts to deflect with an, “It’s literature—” but Buck cuts him off.
“Shut up,” Buck says, seemingly without thinking. “I don’t care what you want to call it. Porn, literature, an instruction manual. It doesn’t matter. Were you imagining they were us?”
“I was exploring my sexuality,” Eddie blurts out, cutting Buck off before he can come up with something worse. “Alright? Part of this whole finding joy journey Father Brian sent me on.”
He’s starting to regret ever listening to a damn priest in the first place, but that’s neither here nor there at the moment.
It takes him a moment, but he realises Buck’s kind of frozen underneath him.
“Seriously? You’re not going to say anything?” Eddie pushes, sounding a little unhinged even to his own ears. “Because I don’t mean to brag but I was a lot better at this when you were the one coming out to me.”
“You’re on top of me,” Buck says breathlessly. “I’m finding it a little difficult to think straight.”
And Eddie’s not sure what possesses him, but the only response he can think of is, “I guess it’s a good thing you’re bisexual then.”
There’s a pause.
“What?” Buck manages to get out through a sudden burst of laughter. “What does that even mean?”
“I don’t know,” Eddie groans, his thighs tightening around Buck’s waist as he sits up and covers his face with his hands. “This is so embarrassing.”
He wonders briefly about the cost of flights to get to Antarctica, because he has an overwhelming desire to get as far away from here as possible.
“You don’t need to be embarrassed,” Buck says, tugging at Eddie’s hands. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve watched porn that had two guys that looked like us in it.”
Eddie tilts his head to the side.
“Huh,” he says, a little surprised at his own response. “That does kinda help.”
The embarrassment is fading every so slightly, replaced instead by an odd sense of anticipation.
“I guess we’re both into guys who look like us,” Buck says hesitantly. “I mean, that’s what I’m getting from this, right?”
“Right,” Eddie repeats. “Seems like we’re both into that.”
Neither of them say anything as Buck shifts himself up onto his elbows, tilting his head up at Eddie.
“I guess that only leaves one question.” Buck pauses, taking a deep breath before asking, “What are we gonna do about it?”
What are they gonna—
“I dunno about you,” Eddie says, with a confidence that belies his nerves. “But I’d really like to kiss you if that’s alright?”
And Eddie’s pretty sure he’s never going to forget the way Buck’s face lights up at that.
“So much more than alright,” Buck responds, eyes sparkling somehow. “You’re gonna have to meet me halfway though if you don’t wanna dismount.”
He really doesn’t.
Eddie cups Buck’s jaw with the palm of one hand, and he can hear Buck’s breath hitch as his thumb brushes over Buck’s bottom lip.
His breathing is ragged as he watches Buck’s eyes slowly close in silent permission, and he allows himself a moment to appreciate how utterly gorgeous his best friend really is. He grows impatient though, and moves his hand from Buck’s jaw.
Eddie leans forward, fingers sliding gently into Buck’s hair instead so he can hold him in place as they come together in a soft, breathless kiss. It’s so lovely, so gentle and incredibly tender that his whole chest aches with it.
A warmth he’s never experienced before spreads throughout his body like wildfire, and Eddie can’t help the desperate little sound that escapes against Buck’s lips because of it. He thinks this might be the best kiss he’s ever experienced in his entire life.
He’s breathing harder than a kiss without any heat behind it warrants—hell, they both are—and so when their lips eventually part, he prays to the universe that his face doesn’t give him away.
Buck looks up at him—his eyes bright, his smile beautiful, his—oh.
Oh.
He loves Buck.
Of course he does.
Suddenly it all makes sense.
He thinks he can see the depths of his own emotions mirrored on Buck’s face—or he hopes he does, at least—because he wants nothing more than for Buck to feel the same way about him as he feels about Buck.
“God, I’m so in love with you,” Eddie breathes out, pressing another kiss to Buck’s lips. “How did I not realise before now?”
Buck moans into the kiss, almost inaudibly.
“I don’t know,” Buck responds, completely breathless, “but I’m kinda having the same epiphany.”
“Yeah?” Eddie asks hopefully.
“Yeah,” Buck says, nodding as a brilliant smile spreads across his face. “I love you too.”
Eddie smiles right back at him, ducking down to press kisses to Buck’s cheeks, to his jaw, and finally to his mouth once more.
“You’re so beautiful,” Eddie says, pointing out what he feels is obvious as he runs his fingers through Buck’s curls again. “I can’t believe I get to have you.”
“I’m all yours,” Buck replies, closing his eyes and shivering as Eddie’s nails trail down the back of his neck. “Tell me what you want.”
“What I want?” Eddie asks. “Like what?”
Buck shrugs. “Anything you want.”
“Anything?” Eddie teases, vaguely amused. “That’s a broad statement.”
Buck shrugs. “I stand by it.”
Eddie laughs, kissing Buck again and wondering briefly if it’s already an addiction.
He wouldn’t hate it if it was.
“I love you,” Eddie says again, and oh yes, that’s definitely an addiction. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” Buck responds, and Eddie watches in real time as a thought seems to cross Buck’s mind. He knows it’s not gonna be good, but nothing could have prepared him for Buck saying, “Want me to fuck you like I don’t?”
An exaggerated waggling of Buck’s eyebrows accompanies the joke, and Eddie immediately rolls off of him and throws his hands over his face again.
“Nope,” he mumbles, just loud enough for Buck to hear. “No way. I changed my mind, I hate you again.”
Buck laughs as he rolls over and tugs at Eddie’s hands until he can look him in the eyes.
“No you don’t,” Buck says confidently, and Eddie can’t fight the smile that’s attempting to spread across his face.
Instead, he yanks Buck down into another kiss, but not before admitting, “No, I really don’t.”