Chapter Text
It starts with Laena.
Of course it does, Daemon has figured pretty quickly that most things in his life start with Laena, his hurricane of a wife, he should have known it, that a woman with the sky and the sea in her soul would not be someone easily contained or restricted in any way, that she would be a force of nature dragging him along with her. It probably says a little about him, that he didn’t get the first clue about who would be calling the shots in their relationship when Laena looked him right in the eyes and asked why he was taking so long to kill her fool of a fiance, but that is something Daemon will keep to himself, least he give her even more ammunition.
It was Laena’s idea that they ran to Pentos in order to get married and while it was because Daemon got banished, again, that they stayed in the Free Cities ever since he has no doubts that if Laena ever felt the urge to return home, they would.
As proven by now.
“No.” Daemon says for what feels like the hundredth time just today
“Yes.” Laena replies, just as easily, without even turning to look at him as she continues picking her favorite books and carefully organizing them in boxes
“I am your husband and I say no.”
Laena gives him the most unimpressed look in the whole world, and outside Vhagar yawns so loudly that a gush of her breath is able to reach them in the library, the old dragon lying lazily on the shore beside the manor they are currently living in, his wife chuckles, casting a quick look at the window before turning to look at Daemon with amusement shining in dark plum eyes.
“Are you implying, husband, that I should bend to your will just because you have a cock between your legs?” Her voice is saccharine sweet, her fingers running over the spine of a book “That your wants are more important than my own? That I should obey you, even when you are being ridiculous and pig headed?”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” He grumbles, glaring at him with little heat behind it “You are being unreasonable Laena, I’m just trying to make you see reason.”
“And what exactly is so unreasonable about wanting to support our family in their time of need Daemon?” Laena places the book on a box, turning to finally give him her full attention, her arms crossed over her chest, defiance clear on her striking features
“Time of need!” Daemon almost laughs, something bitter and ugly on the way his lips form a parody of a smile “Oh Laena, do not take me for a fool, Rhaenyra is just as cloaked on my brother’s protection as she was since birth, it is not another brown haired bastard that will have him turning his back to her, and if the King blinds himself to her behavior, then what can anyone else do? Maybe if she didn’t want to be faced with those struggles she should have found another man to fuck.”
“A man like yourself?” Laena replies immediately, eyebrows arched “Is this what this is about Daemon? You throwing a hissy fit because Rhaenyra did not wait for you? That she dared to find pleasure and sons with another man? Is your ego so fragile that you will forsake her and my brother for those petty reasons?”
“It was not Rhaenyra I married, Laena, I simply do not see why her problems have to become ours when in no moment where we consulted when she chose to be so foolish. Three times! As if one was not bad enough.”
“Because her father did not allow it.” She huffs, unimpressed “Do not take me for a fool, Daemon, for I know perfectly well that you had no love for me when we married and that a part of you will always belong to her. I do not doubt your love for me or our girls, and as such I cannot blind myself to the fact that it’s not only us you love. You have loved Rhaenyra for longer than I know you, and I do not ask you to cast her out of your heart, for the contrary, I want you to love her more than you resent her for choices you could not understand.”
And Daemon can only pull at his hair in frustration because Laena is not wrong .
Gods, Daemon barely knew Laena when he killed her fiance and ran to Pentos with her, there was no love between them during the first years of their marriage, they spend more time knowing each other than anything else, learning who each other was but mostly learning to find themselves again away from the pressure and the expectations of Westeros, without the bloodshed of war and the weight of responsibilities crushing them. Love was a slow thing, that crept into his heart without him even noticing it at first, but who solidified itself with each kiss, with each whispered conversation deep into the night, with every inch of themselves they reclaimed, a flame they nurtured day after day, after day until it grew into the eternal flame of a dragon’s soul, steady, gentle even, not a raging inferno of desire and passion, but something made to withstand time and struggles and every single obstacle they found in their path.
Not a love found, but a love built , with care and respect and effort.
Laena is right, he would never have married her if Viserys had allowed him to wed Rhaenyra. And she is right that a piece of him will always be branded with her name, her touch, a piece of Daemon’s very soul has long been taken by Rhaenyra, one that he has never tried to reclaim and honestly never wishes to.
That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love Laena, of course it doesn’t, his love for her is probably the reason why he can love Rhaenyra now, that he can swallow the poison and the bitterness of knowing she has taken another as her own, that he can see beyond his hurt pride at the fact that she has birthed a dark haired son and is probably only a few moons away from birthing another one. Laena forced him to be better, to be a man worthy of her love and respect because he had to earn it , her heart was not freely given, her eyes were not clouded by the sweet memories of being taught how to fly and little gifts acquired in far away travels.
Laena taught him that he could take love for granted, that he could not rely on the adoration of a girl who didn’t know about the world when that girl has long since been gone, gone by his actions even.
“I do not resent her.” He settles for saying “I simply do not understand why she would be so foolish as to continue bedding that man after it became clear that her children would look like bastards for all the kingdom to see, once I could understand, but thrice Laena? I can’t grasp how Rhaenyra could be so reckless.”
“As I said you do not understand.” Her features soften but Daemon is not a idiot to think that it’s because of him, she is probably just thinking about Rhaenyra “When the Old King made you get married to a woman you could not stand, you just flew Daemon, you ran to war and you ran to brothels, and to the Red Keep and to the Free Cities and no one could force you to stay because you are a man. Had you not killed that fool, what do you think would be made of me? Do you think I could have run anywhere? Oh I could of course, I could take Vhagar and leave and no one would ever be able to stop us from taking flight, but then, then what ? I could not run to my parents, to my brother, to anyone I have ever loved or know, it would be me and her against a cold and unforgiving world because I would be a woman who dared to say no to the prison they wanted to lock me into. So think Daemon for a second about Rhaenyra, married to my brother, knowing he could never love her as a wife, that he could not give her the sons she needed to solidify her claim, stuck in King’s Landing with so few friendly faces, judged and questioned at every single turn, looked at like a insect under a magnifying glass. She was not foolish, Daemon, she was alone and scared and she found in him the happiness she craved.”
“She had…”
“What? Her father, who sometimes could not look her in the eyes, her former best friend who married her father, a court just waiting for her to fail? Us? Across from the ocean?” Laena interrupts him, eyes heavy “My brother who could not love her as she craved? Her choices are not yours to understand Daemon, because she doesn’t owe you an explanation for what she has done when away from you, it was me you married, as you said so, so why would Rhaenyra need to consider your feelings when choosing a man for herself?”
“And yet when her choices blow up in her face, it is to us that she writes in search of support.”
“Rhaenyra flew to Driftmark to be with when I was ready to give birth to our girls, she held my hand and offered me comfort and companionship in a moment you could not bear to witness even if she had a young babe of her own to care for, and now, now that she is the one writing us in need of support you would have me forsaking her?” Laena asks, her voice as sweet as honey but her eyes shining with the flames of a dragon
Daemon clears his throat turning away from Laena and childishly putting the books she had removed from the shelves back, just to have an excuse to turn his back to her and the accusation in her words. It’s true, that Daemon could not stay with Laena when she was in labor, he tried to, but there was a moment where her screams grew too pained, that sweat and tears coated a ashen face and the smell of blood coated the room and he had to leave.
He had to leave or he would vomit all over the floor and make a fool of himself in a moment where all attention should be focused on Laena and the babes. He couldn’t bear to be there, not when every maester they had consulted reiterated that it would be a difficult birth, that perhaps one of the babies could not survive, that there may be complications, that a choice could have to be made.
And no one had said the words out loud, but they had hung in the air, they had wrapped themselves around his mind until there are many nights that Daemon would not dream of the battlefield, of the blood of enemies and allies mixing together and drowning him, but he would wake with a scream stuck in his throat and the image of himself holding a knife over Laena’s lifeless body while the meek cry of a babe rang in the background. No one said the words, but it didn’t make them less harsh, less true, less haunting.
Viserys had made a choice and Daemon had been there to see the aftermath when a white cloak had retrieved him because no one had been successful in pulling the king away from the now cold body. Aemma had looked so small in the blood stained bed, they had covered her body with black sheets, but from close Daemon could see just how much blood they had absorbed, her face was ashen, with tear tracks still clearly embedded in an expression of pain and fear. It had not been an easy death, and neither it was painless, he could only pray back then that it was quick.
Those images would haunt his thoughts even when he was awake, but instead of Aemma, he would see Laena, her eyes so full of life now void, her skin cold and ashen and her blood coating everywhere. So yes, Daemon could not bear to stay with her past a certain point, hoping against all logic that if they couldn’t find him, then they could not make him choose.
Laena had never openly cursed him out for that, or even implied she was upset about his choices, but he knows that a part of her must be resentful about it. She had her mother with her and Rhaenyra as well, who flew to Driftmark the moment Laena wrote to her about her fears, who held her hand and stayed with her when Daemon failed to do so. It was Rhaenyra who first held his daughters, who helped bring them to the world and later would sing lullabies to them while Laena recovered and Daemon hovered over the edge of the door terrified of touching something so fragile.
It was Rhaenyra who forced him to hold the girls, who glared at him with lips pressed together until he reached for Baela in her crib, who adjusted his arms so that he could properly hold such a tiny little baby before picking up Rhaena and teaching him how to soothe them to sleep and hum the lullabies of their ancestors. He had loved his girls, from the very moment Daemon learned Laena was pregnant he swore to himself he would torch the world for the unborn babe, but love has never come easily to him.
How could he touch something so pure and precious with hands so drenched in blood? How could he be gentle, when he was all sharp edges and dragon fire?
But Rhaenyra had little time for his reservations, and neither did Laena when she was recovered enough and would, none too gently inform him that she did not make the girls by herself so she would also not take care of them by herself.
“You are aware that I am still banished from King’s Landing, are you not?” He says with a sight but Laena can smell victory in the air when he starts pulling the books he just organized
“As you were when you crashed her wedding and yet the King didn’t seem to care about that.” Laena moves so she can kiss his cheek, a smile on her lips
“I do hate when you are right.”
“Then you would hate me all the time, my love.” She laughs warmly, and he chuckles “It’s good that you have found your good sense, because I will be leaving for King’s Landing with the girls tomorrow and it would be a shame to leave you here alone.”
“What?” He turns sharply to her “Tomorrow? Laena we cannot possibly…”
“I have already arranged for everything to be delivered by ship after our departure, we will fly there with the essentials.” She shrugs, not even bothering to look at him as she closes a box with her books “You didn’t really think I would wait for your permission when my brother and sister and law need me, do you?”
Honestly, he should have seen it coming.
But then her words truly register in his brain and Daemon does a double take, looking at her retreating back with wide eyes.
“Wait a second, what do you mean everything will be delivered? Laena!” He calls for her, but she doesn’t even slow down her steps “Laena, how long are you planning on staying there? Laena!”
His only reply is the sound of her laughter.