Chapter Text
“Hey kids! Ki-ids ! C’mere, I have something to show you!”
Stan rolled out from under the Bob Ross-inator (“It will cover THE ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA in paintings of happy little clouds and happy little trees, and people will be so in awe at how beautiful the artwork is they will allow themselves to be hypnotized by the subliminal messages in the paint telling them to OBEY MY EVERY COMMAND!!!!”) that he’d been working on, and glanced at Vanessa, who looked up from her copy of Festering Bites-A Gothic Vampire Love Story .
After a moment they both shrugged and got up to see what the doc wanted.
Dr. D was practically vibrating with excitement…which wasn’t exactly abnormal behavior for him, since he got excited about things like new “evil looking” vacuum cleaners being on sale, or Carlos finally making a move on Inez in one of his telenovelas.
But today he was also sitting in front of his computer, pointing eagerly at the screen so hard Stan worried that he was going to jab his finger through it.
…Again.
(Which was impressive, considering how durable the darn things were.)
“What’s all the ruckus, doc?” Heh, that was kind of a fun word to say: ruckus.
“LOOK!!!!” Dr. D jabbed the laptop again, and Stan resisted the urge to push it back for its own safety. “McGucket Labs is coming to Danville!!!!”
Stan squinted at the screen, and saw a video of a big, fancy laboratory, with a spindly scarecrow in a lab coat with a nose like Cyrano de Bergerac standing in front of a table with what looked like a giant pile of metal resting on top.
If it wasn’t for the little round glasses, and the fact that his light brown hair (and beard) were streaked with gray, he could’ve been Dr. D. As it was, Stan half expected him to start ranting about wanting to take over THE ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA!!!!
Instead, he pulled out a banjo and grinned.
“Howdy, y’all! I’m Fiddleford Hadron McGucket, founder and CEO of McGucket Labs!” His fingers flew across the strings, playing a catchy bluegrass tune that got Stan tapping his foot before he even knew what was happening. “Do you have a knack for robotics, computers or engineering? Or, heck, do ya even like makin’ stuff blow up?”
“Yes, I do!” Dr. D cheered.
“Dad, I’m pretty sure he can’t hear you,” Vanessa pointed out.
“Ssh ssh ssh, we’re about to get to the good part!”
“Welp, iffen you’re so inclined, this weekend you can come show off your mad scientist skills at the McGucket Labs Invent-A-Palooza, hosted at the Tri-State Area’s own Danville Mall!”
The screen was suddenly filled with brief images of various kids between the ages of seven and fifteen typing at computers, mixing substances in glass beakers, and putting pieces of metal together, while quirky working music played in the background.
“It’s a chance ta work with some of our top engineers and inventors in a weekend-long program-weekend program? Three day program? Tater Tot, which one-” the picture crackled briefly- “ three-day program that’ll test your creativity an’ innovation, teach ya some new skills, an’ hopefully end with an army o’ giant homemade robots dukin’ it out in the streets-!”
The picture crackled out of focus for longer this time, and when it resettled Mr. McGucket was smiling sheepishly and saying, as his eyes darted back and forth in sync with his words, “I mean, uh, hopefully end with ya learnin’ some valuable life skills that are perfectly safe for your home and the general community!”
…He really is kinda like Dr. D.
“There will be prizes at the end, with a potential grand prize of a hundred thousand smackers for whoever comes up with the most original, most fascinatin’ experiment or design! Sign up now if you’re a youngun-or, heck, even just a youngun at heart-at www.mcglabs.com!” He froze for a moment, face set in a fixed grin, before turning his head and asking someone offscreen, “Are ya sure we can’t leave in the part about the homemade robots-”
The screen went black as the commercial ended.
As soon as it was over, Dr. D opened up a new tab and started typing feverishly.
“Um, Dad?” Vanessa tugged the sleeve of his lab coat. “Please tell me you’re not doing what I think you’re doing.”
“What? He said you can sign up if you’re young at heart, and my heart is at least in its late twenties! Besides, it’s a chance to get that prize money so I can better balance financing my evil schemes and looking after my kids without having to completely mooch off your mom’s alimony checks!”
Vanessa gave Stan a pleading look.
“...What’re you looking at me for? Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.”
“Yeah, but have both of you forgotten that Dad’s inventions have a habit of, you know, blowing up ?!”
“...That doesn’t happen as much if nobody presses the self-destruct button.”
“AUGH!” Vanessa groaned against the cover of her book.
“Relax, pumpkin, I-” Dr. D’s eyes narrowed. “ Waaaait a minute, is that one of those trashy romance novels all the teenagers have started reading?!”
The book hastily disappeared behind Vanessa’s back. “...No.”
“It’d better not be! I’d hate to have to sit you down for a serious discussion about growth and development!” To Stan’s horror, Dr. D pulled a familiar copy of Why Am I Sweaty? Your body explained in horrifyingly uncomfortable detail out of his lab coat.
“UGH, DAD!” There was a dark blur, and then Vanessa was gone.
“…How long have you been carrying that around for?” Stan asked after a second, eyeing the book like it was a poisonous snake.
Dr. D cackled shamelessly as he tucked it back into his pocket…then groaned. “ Ugh , guess this means Charlene’s gonna get a chance to say ‘I told you so’ about using this as a deterrent against age inappropriate literature.”
Shaking his head, he turned back to the website and clicked “SUBMIT” on the application form, then did that weird little clenched hand wave thing that always seemed to happen when he was excited.
“Eeeeee, I’m finally getting a chance to meet one of my only probably-not-evil heroes!!!!”
And, Stan privately thought to himself, even if they didn’t end up earning that prize money, that sentence alone was a sign that this was gonna be entertaining.