Work Text:
“You are an idiot.”
“But I am yours.”
Jude’s glare came nearly sharp enough to cut. It wouldn’t surprise him, after all. Cardan knew by now never to underestimate his mortal wife. He had seen her win against odds that seemed nearly impossible time and time again and he had no doubt that she would continue to do so.
He just also never could forget the fact that she was indeed, mortal.
“You are a complete fool.”
Jude’s hand gripped his shoulder tight but despite the anger he could see and read from her, she was still being gentle with him. Tender, even, as she used her other hand to feel along the bruised expanse of his ribs.
“But I am your fool.”
His commentary only seemed to make things worse. Her grip on his shoulder tightening and for a moment he thought he felt her nails against her skin. Normally it would be a pleasant feeling to him. Right now, against marks and shades painting over what felt like his entire body, it felt like real pain.
“Shut up.”
“But then,” Cardan forced himself not to flinch when she pressed too hard against an overly tender point. “Who would distract you?”
Despite not sharing any blood between them, Jude’s eyes reminded him so much of Madoc’s when she reached this much anger.
“Distraction is something to be avoided.”
“Ah, my Queen, ever thoughtful of strategy.”
He saw real fury in her eyes when her glare met his eyes again. The tenderness slipping out of her touch bit by little bit. Gripping him with force enough to make him question if he had truly gone too far.
“You should not have done that.”
“Would you rather I had stood to the side and let you be hurt?”
“Yes.”
They had been traveling. Just the two of them without the entourage of their knights. It was by Jude’s request since she wasn’t used to having them around at all times and wanted privacy for the two of them. Their intent had been to picnic in the woods. Alone and without the pretense of all their history demanded. Without the story that was narrated for them by the masses of the rest of Faerie.
It had been good to begin with. It had been gentle and kind. Odd for the both of them but something they were willing to learn for one another. To give a kindness that was theirs and could not be stolen. They had tried.
They’d been attacked.
Jude had weapons with her, of course, but it took her time to get to them. Cardan would admit he might have had too much to drink because his focus had been dimmed enough to make his grip on the land weaker than it should have been.
They’d fought. The two of them against the group of many that came for their heads. The lack of the cursed blood crown gave them the opening to usurp without fear. That was what they believed. They were forgetting how much of a threat he and his wife both were.
Cardan was not skilled with a sword and he loathed killing. That did not mean he couldn’t fight.
He’d seen the attack that was coming for her. He’d seen Jude with her back turned. How she was fighting off two others on her front. She wouldn’t be able to block or dodge the blow that was coming from behind. She would be hurt no matter what happened unless he did something.
He’d placed himself between her and the attack. Taking the force of it and making himself into a shield to protect her.
It wasn’t the first time she had made him reckless and he highly doubted that it would be the last. He would give himself for her at any point. Anything she wanted of him she could take. Anything of his was hers. He was hers.
“You are the dumbest person I have ever met.”
“You did meet Valerian, did you not?”
He couldn’t help his humor. Not when it was keeping him sane against the thoughts of what could have happened earlier in the night.
They had won the fight. Both of them breathing hard and doing their first checks to one another. They were fine enough to walk. Fine enough to pack the remains of their picnic and make off in the direction of their palace. Cardan had been able to hide the pain at first. He hadn’t felt it. She’d asked him if he was hurt and he said no.
He thought that was the correct answer at the time.
He’d believed it to be true. He knew now that it was a lie.
The closer they got to the palace the more it hurt. The closer they were to the relative safety of their home the worse he became. Until they were inside and to their bedroom. Closing and locking the door for more of their own privacy and he failed to suppress the wince that took him.
Jude had noticed immediately. She had him on the edge of the bed in moments. Removing him of his clothes and scolding already pouring out of her mouth. She called him a liar even though the both of them knew that was impossible. She called him an idiot. She called him reckless and stupid. She gave him his anger and he tried to show her his love.
“This isn’t funny, Cardan. You could have been killed.”
He frowned at her. How could she not see?
“So could you. One of us is harder to kill.”
It was the wrong thing to say.
“Both of us are mortal to blades.”
“Yes but I heal with the land easier. Unfortunately, we both know that as well. It is better for me to take it.”
He thought she would appreciate the logic of what he was saying. That she would take comfort in the fact that he had thought even a little bit. Even though that thought didn’t come until now when he had to defend his actions. She didn’t need to know that. Her grip turned tighter. Angrier.
“Jude,”
“Fine. I’m done.”
She let go of him in moments. Stepping away from him and Cardan looked down to his body. The bruises left open without any tending to nurse them. The scrapes and cuts that opened upon his skin. The ache he felt in his ribs and shoulders and spine.
“Jude?”
“Let the land heal you. It’s what you’re good at, right?”
His frown only deepened.
“You’re upset.”
She gave him the same look she gave to the people she wanted to strike. The ones she wanted to kill.
“Upset? My husband just nearly killed himself and managed to hide his injuries despite not being able to lie. And then is now joking and toying with me while I try to heal him. Yes. I am upset. Is that what you wanted?”
His eyes widened the more she spoke.
“I didn’t—”
“Don’t try to manipulate your way out of this. Sometimes I think that you are different from what I first thought of you. Sometimes I believe that there is a man in you that I love and the one I married. Then you do things like you did today and I remember why I hated you.”
The words stung. Like the burning lash of a whip against his heart. Rotten and worm eaten as it was, he knew the reason it beat. He knew the reason it was no longer stone.
She was trembling. Her hands balled into fists at her side.
“Jude,” he tried again. She didn’t let him.
“You’ve done enough, Cardan.”
“I was trying to protect you. I did protect you. Why do you act like that is so bad? Why do you not see that I cannot see you hurt?”
“I hate you.”
Cardan nearly choked. Normally the words would be a compliment to him. An ode to their past and all the things the two of them had done for and with and to one another. It was a way for them to tell their feelings hidden while they sorted them out. When he could no longer say the words, Jude held them still. Telling him she hated him and letting him call her a liar. Whispering it into her skin as they tested the durability of Elfhame’s royal bed. The force of them now felt different.
Right now, in this moment, Cardan tried to call her lie and found the word stuck on his tongue. Caught like a trapped creature in the depths of his thoughts. Stilled by the magic that made him never tell a lie.
“Is that a lie?”
He needed her assurance. He needed to know. If anything the question only seemed to make her anger grow. She turned from him. Walking away and ready to leave him there vulnerable, wounded, and weak. So much like he’d been when he was a boy. So much like he’d tried to purge from his blood.
Only for it to come back and be true again now. In his home. With his wife.
“I am not in the mood for a game, Cardan. You aren’t going to trick me into—”
“No,” he fought to keep his own nerves out of his voice. A smile pulling on his lips even when his heart felt like it was beating around a knot. It wasn’t a trick. It was a question. “Is that a lie?”
He watched her stride continue. She didn’t even falter. She was about to reach the door.
“I’m not doing this with you right now.”
A pressure wrapped around his heart. As if the serpent had not been slain and was living in his chest instead. As if it had only now found his heart and decided to use its fangs. Without thinking, Cardan was pushing himself up. Leaning forward and pushing himself to his feet. The room tipped around him but it was nothing he wasn’t used to. He’d taken worse beatings when he was younger.
He’d dealt with worse than this.
He’d been rejected before. He didn’t understand why this hurt so bad.
“I asked you once to break my heart if you must but I’ll admit I did not think you’d do it now.”
She stopped. She didn’t turn.
“Jude,” he was going to laugh. If he didn’t then he would cry. He was already pathetic enough as it was. He did not want to make matters worse. “Let me say it outright. That is not a trick. That is not a game. You said that you hate me. I cannot tell if today you mean that as a lie or if you are telling me the truth.”
Her back was all that faced him.
“You don’t know?”
He didn’t know how she wanted him to answer. He knew the reality. He could guess but he wasn’t certain. The words would be caught in his throat. He didn’t want to tell her he hoped that it was a lie. He didn’t want to lay himself so bare that she would leave him empty.
Without her, he would be carved regardless.
Finally, Jude turned to look at him. Her expression so shifted from what it had been only moments before. He saw the softness that she wore to him normally. Complicated emotions and intelligence that had always made him more curious than he should have been. Eyes that he had fallen in love with.
“Can you truly not tell?”
They stood facing each other in the center of their bedroom. Watching one another and seeing the marks of their fight. The marks of their day. She crossed the floor to him in a few short strides. Her hand lifting to his face and Cardan failed to still himself before he flinched. Her hand laid gentle against his cheek. Cradling him as her thumb brushed beneath his eye.
“It was the same as every other time I’ve said it. It was a lie. How could you not know that?”
Her question seemed genuine. Falling to a whisper between them in the light.
“You seemed so angry. I just—”
Jude cut him off with a kiss. Holding them together and letting him feel her honesty. Tasting it on what they shared.
“I’m sorry, for making you doubt. For making you think it could ever be a lie.”
He kissed her again.
“I am sorry for making you angry, I just cannot let you be hurt. I cannot stand to see you suffer.”
Her eyes were soft. He could see now that it was fear and not anger. That he’d misunderstood.
“You are an idiot.”
Cardan smiled. Pulling them both back toward their bed. Toward their peace and wedding vows.
“But I am yours.”