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Screams and blood, the scent of death and blight hangs in the air. Eon runs along the walls of Weisshaupt, tears streaking his face as he passes the bodies of his comrades in arms. His friends.
He sees Ghilan'nain ahead, her dragon beside her. Suddenly the distance between them zips to nothing and he's right before them, he can feel the dragon's breath on his face. It's hot and uncomfortable, Eon trembles and is frozen in place.
The dragon's mouth opens with a snarl, saliva dripping onto the ground in big globules. Eon tries to move, every muscle in his body is pulled taut and his brain is screaming at him to move. But he can't, he can barely move a finger.
“Little mortal, you've failed. All of your friends are dead, and it's all your fault.”
Before he can even reply, the dragon snaps its jaws around him and he wakes up screaming.
Eon takes deep breaths, looking around madly. He is bathed in the soft glow of the aquarium, it usually doesn't bother him but now it's unsettling. He stands up, stepping off into the bathroom to splash his face with water. He stares at his face in the mirror and his reflection shows how he feels on the inside.
Dark circles make his eyes look puffy, his face is flushed with adrenaline, and his blue eyes are swimming with tears. Eon can see a large bruise blooming on his cheek, yet another reminder of what happened at Weisshaupt.
It's only been a few days since Ghilan'nain attacked there and Eon has been unable to sleep. Every night is filled with nightmares of all the Wardens being slain by Ghilan'nain and her dragon. Eon looks down at his hands and they are raw, scrubbed clean over and over again.
Surely everyone on the team has noticed his behavior, the tiredness behind his eyes, the fear still clenching around his heart. It shows in his walk, in his fake smiles, and the way he hardly eats with them. Eon washes his hands again, as if that could cleanse him of his sins. Of the dreadful feeling of his comrades' blood covering his hands when he tried to save them.
He again wandered the Lighthouse, it was the middle of the night. Or, what they called night. Everyone was asleep and it was unlikely that even Lucanis was walking about. Eon still was cautious, making sure to be silent. Not wanting to disturb his team's restful sleep. He headed to the infirmary first to check on Varric.
When he opened the door, Varric was where he always was. Resting peacefully for the moment. Eon felt a slight relief knowing that Varric was ok. He hadn't vented to Varric about what had happened at Weisshaupt, he hadn't vented to anyone.
Eon stepped quietly into the infirmary, his leather boots not making a whisper of sound on the stone floor. He sat down in a chair next to Varric's sleeping form and he just… watched. Watched him breathing, slow and easy. For some reason he didn't feel odd about it, he just felt like it was him doing his duty.
While watching Varric for a few minutes, Eon shivered a little bit, feeling cold. If he felt cold, he figured they had to mean Varric was freezing. He grabbed a blanket and gently draped it over his small body. He watched Varric as he shifted in his sleep, seeming to relax more under the warmth of the blanket. It made Eon feel a little better on the inside.
Eon silently left the infirmary, feeling like staying any longer would be creepy on his end. He sighed once he entered the hall again, allowing himself to breathe for a moment.
This was how he has been spending the past few nights. Wandering the entire Lighthouse like a ghost, like a shell of who he was. Even if he could sleep, he doesn't feel like he is worthy of the rest. Not when Weisshaupt…
Not when it's in shambles.
Before he even really knew what he was doing, his feet carried him to the Eluvian, soon enough he was standing in the broken bones of Weisshaupt. He looked up, not even having to find a window to see the sky, and it was night. The stars were shining on his face, the breeze was cool and relieving.
The tears came again- seeing the broken walls, scattered weapons, and the residual blood and blight made his heart ache. He walked through the fortress, just thinking as he passed each familiar nook and cranny. All the Wardens were asleep, no doubt about that. It was so quiet that Eon could hear the flapping of what he assumed might be some bats making roost in the broken ceiling.
He found himself in the War Room, the main table still keeled over on its side. Eon lifted the table and replaced it to where it once was, though it was crooked as one of the legs had blown off. He looked around and located it, reattaching it with his magic.
His hands delicately dusted off the table and he leaned against it, his head hung low. The tears came again, a reoccurring theme of the night. He sobbed and shook, his tears splattered on the fixed war table.
Maybe things could've been different?
What if I didn't punch the First Warden?
If I tried harder this wouldn't have happened…
Eon suddenly laughed, a barking shout in the silence of the War Room. He used to think Weisshaupt was impenetrable, it was this grand place that could protect them from anything.
How naive can I be?
Wiping away his tears, he started moving things back to where they were, cleaning the dust and debris with a broom and using his magic where he saw fit. He worked all night, it took him all his energy and time just to fix up the War Room.
When the first hint of sun was lighting up the sky, he quickly left Weisshaupt and returned to the Lighthouse. He managed to sneak into his room without running into any of his companions, a miracle considering Emmrich or Lucanis was bound to be awake at this point.
By the time he closed his door he was exhausted, too tired to even take off his boots. He flopped onto his chaise that he called a bed and fell asleep in seconds. No dreams or nightmares came for him.
//
Lucanis slept poorly, per usual. Spite was buzzing around his head, poking at him and bothering him.
Rook. Isn't HERE.
With a groan, Lucanis sat up and blearily looked at Spite's violet form.
“What? What makes you say that?”
Spite. Can't smell him!
A huff came out of Lucanis and he laid back down.
“He's a big boy, he can leave the Lighthouse if he wants to.”
Spite hissed out his next words, getting angry that Lucanis was ignoring him.
Rook. Is SAD! Rook needs. Us!
Lucanis was quite worried at even the mention of Eon not being here at night, it was unlike him to leave. Especially without telling anyone. He doubted he woke anyone up before leaving. With another sigh, Lucanis swung his legs down to the cold pantry stones.
Before his feet could get too cold, he threw his boots on and got up, fixing the rumpled clothes he slept in. His fingers tousled his hair gently to correct any errant strands, he didn't bother looking at Spite as he replied.
“I'll look to see if he left a note or something. Maybe he just wanted some air or someone sent an urgent letter.”
Spite was still seething, unsatisfied by Lucanis's attempt to remain cool.
Rook would. Tell us. About. Letter!
Lucanis knew that was true, Eon was always telling him about everything they got sent. Even just yesterday, Eon got a letter from Mila and he excitedly showed him the picture that Mila drew of her hugging her dad.
It was the first time Eon had smiled since Ghilan'nain attacked Weisshaupt.
Lucanis cringed thinking about Ghilan'nain, reminded of his failure to kill her. He barely even scratched her face.
What a failure of a Crow.
Opening the pantry door, Lucanis glanced around the kitchen in his vain attempt to find a note that perhaps Eon left. It was no shock to him that no such note existed, but he continued on. Silently he walked into the courtyard, the same grey sky greeted him as it had these long months.
Despite knowing every inch of this place, he still looked around and took in everything yet again. As much as he feels like a failure, his training as a Crow really was ingrained into his very being. There is always room for surprises and as such, he always was alert for any problems or for things that seemed out of place.
Spite was following along none too happily, his face screwed up in an angry scowl. He kicked at a loose stone, his foot phasing through as usual. He grumbled despite knowing that would be the case, though every once in a while he was successful in kicking something or knocking over Lucanis’s coffee cups.
The only movement besides the two of them was the Caretaker, the ever vigilant watcher who showed up conveniently whenever they walked by his little table. The Caretaker didn’t usually greet Lucanis but he did tip his head towards Spite, a silent acknowledgement of the other spirit.
”Determination”
Spite seemed to perk up a bit, happy to be noticed by someone other than Lucanis.
”Seen. Rook?”
The Caretaker folded his hands in a pyramid shape, his head tilted to the side slightly.
”The Dweller is not here, nor in the Crossroads. He wanders at night when the other Dweller’s are asleep.”
His reply made Spite turn to Lucanis, his hands waving madly as he gestured to the Caretaker.
”See?! Rook. Is sad!”
Lucanis pinched his brow, thinking about his next move. Realistically, he has no idea where Eon went. There are countless Eluvians that can take him anywhere in Thedas. It wouldn’t do to leave and pass him by, or worse-
Be gone when he comes back if he needs help.
So Lucanis kept walking, entering the main room of the Lighthouse and checking Eon’s room just to be sure he was still away. He grabbed a book from the little library when he returned to the main room and started reading, sitting comfortably on the little sofa. It was a lovely romance novel, one he has never seen before. Blood Stained Skin was the title, an enemies to lovers story about a Venatori mage and an Antivan Crow.
Spite was pacing back and forth, he was confused why Lucanis sat down with a book.
”Why—“
Lucanis held up his hand and held a finger to his lips, turning the page a moment later. He remained silent, leaving Spite even more annoyed than before.
”Hey!! Rook—“
”— Is fine.”
Spite growled and got in his face, Lucanis beat him to it and spoke once more.
”I have no idea where Eon has gone. What would you have me do? Walk around the entirety of Thedas? I shall remain here, I will wait to make sure he comes home. I am positive he is fine at least physically. You have seen him fight, he is capable.”
This did little to assuage Spite’s worry, Lucanis could feel his upset through their connection. Lucanis lowered his book with a small sigh, looking into Spite’s eyes. Spite was still noticeably angry but Lucanis could see more than that, he could see past the facade of strength and confidence.
Spite was afraid.
He lowered his voice, his eyes softened and he gave his best attempt at a comforting smile.
”Spite… Eon will be ok. When he comes home we can talk to him. Ok?”
Spite’s eyes flickered, the fear making way to calm. Lucanis was surprised by how attached Spite has been to Eon and it has only been growing with every passing day. Not that he couldn’t understand that himself, he too was finding himself becoming mopey when Eon was on a mission that he couldn't tag along for.
Lucanis was a bit surprised though when Spite sat down and flopped onto his back on the other half of the sofa. He waited a few beats before returning to his book, his eyes only looking up when Spite curled up on his side and seemed to close his eyes.
The two sat in silence, the only noise was the rustle of paper or Spite's quiet sighs of frustration every once in a while. Lucanis was quite impressed with how much Spite was holding it in, he never is this quiet. Especially since the two were there for a few hours at least.
As he continued reading, the words on the page started to become blurry. He rubbed his aching eyes, the lack of sleep was really starting to catch up to him. He shuffled in his seat, trying to wake himself back up a little which made Spite crack his eyes open and glance over at him.
Spite didn't say anything as Lucanis continued to nod off a few times, at least not until-
“Rook!”
Lucanis shot up and heard the familiar gait of Eon walking below in the hallway of the Eluvian. He scurried off and slipped behind some of the large Antivan decor Eon had set up about a month ago.
Sitting in silence, Lucanis waited and watched as Eon peered out from the stairs, eyes searching over the banister. Clearly, he wasn't in the mood to get caught. Lucanis could see the exhaustion written all over his face, his eyes looked puffy and red as if he had been crying all night.
Eon quickly walked up the rest of the steps– two at a time, and practically bolted past Lucanis. Lucanis watched him run all the way to his room, when he heard the door shut he let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding.
He definitely does not want to be seen…
Spite was dissatisfied that Lucanis hid but he seemed happy that Eon was back home at least.
“Not following?”
Lucanis shook his head and pushed his hair out of his face, whispering softly to avoid Eon potentially hearing him speak.
“No, he needs to rest.”
Turning on his heel, he walked all the way back to the kitchen and decided now was as good a time as any to start prepping for breakfast, though he imagined Eon wouldn't join them yet again.
He was intensely worried about Eon, he was distraught when Minrathous was attacked, this is so much worse . Eon is always so upbeat, so positive. To see him this miserable- No- depressed, is so difficult to watch.
The fake smiles, constantly staying busy, ignoring eating or taking care of himself, it's just something Lucanis can't ignore. So, he will do what he does best.
Make a delicious meal and keep inviting him to join them.
//
Eon awoke to a knock at his door, he groaned in displeasure the second his eyes opened. His head ached, he was entirely worn out from how much magic he spent overnight. Before he could even think of moving, his door opened.
“Morning sleepyhead!”
He couldn't help the smile that came to his face, a small one, but it was there. Eon hummed quietly and remained laying down.
“Mmmm- I was a sleepyhead until you woke me up.”
Harding's familiar freckled face poked over the chaise, she had the biggest smile as she giggled at him and waved.
“My apologies, I was sent to retrieve you for breakfast. Even Taash is awake.”
Eon cocked his eyebrow and gave her a little look,
“Oh, are they now? You would know, lover girl.”
A blush erupted across her cheeks, she immediately slapped him on the shoulder and gasped.
“Oh shut up ! Now you are definitely getting up!”
He groaned and turned away from her, closing his eyes again.
“No, I don't want to get up-”
“-I don't care! No ifs, ands, or buts mister!!”
Eon was starting to see why they sent Harding to get him, she somehow always got her way. She heckled him, pulling his arm and forcing him up off of the chaise. She started mothering him, she grabbed his hairbrush and forced it into his hand.
“Brush your hair, I'm going to grab you a clean set of clothes.”
The protests he was about to make died in his throat with one sharp glance from her, he pouted and did as he was told. She didn't grab him the new sable doublets he has been wearing, she grabbed a clean set of his Warden fatigues.
When she attempted to hand them to him, he froze up. His hands gripped the hairbrush tightly and he chewed on his lip, not wanting to put on something that would remind him of his failures.
If Harding noticed, she didn't say anything. She plucked the brush from his hands, set down the clothes, and started working on his shirt buttons.
This snapped him out of his thoughts, he turned red and stopped her hands, stuttering and working on his own buttons.
“Ok! Ok, I've got it. Go! I promise I'm coming.”
Harding could see that he meant what he said, she turned and left the room, waving her hand back and forth without looking at him.
“If you aren't there in five minutes I'm coming back!”
And with that, she carefully clicked the door shut behind her, leaving him alone again.
Even though his hands shook, he successfully clothed himself and swallowed roughly, attempting to keep the bile from rising in his throat. It's a miracle Eon is even functioning, he hasn't eaten anything in roughly three days despite everyone's insistence. He at least has been drinking water, he can't afford to mistreat his body that bad.
By the time the five minutes were up, Eon was just entering the kitchen. He nearly bumped into Harding who was ready to exit and come harass him again. She gestured to the table with a smile,
“After you, Lucanis made breakfast today.”
She gave him a look, the look. The one Eon gave her earlier about Taash. He scowled slightly and she smirked back at him, happy to have gotten him back for his earlier teasing. Eon reluctantly sat down in his usual seat, slinking low and resting his chin on the scratchy wood.
The entire team was indeed at the table, everyone glanced at him as soon as he sat down and then immediately looked away. He would like to think it meant nothing but he highly doubted that. He hasn't sat at this table in the three days he hasn't eaten any food, everyone was attempting to be nonchalant about him joining them.
It seemed that everyone started eating already, though Lucanis was standing near the stove and seemed to be making one final thing. While Eon was waiting, his eyes drifted shut and he may or may not have dozed off.
Even in the brief time he was asleep, images of Weisshaupt came to him. Blood poured from every crevice, screams filled his ears. It was pure torture. He nearly shouted when Lucanis set the plate of food in front of him, though his knee did jerk and hit the underside of the table.
“ Mythal’enaste!!”
Everyone jumped at the noise of him hitting his knee, Lucanis placed a hand on Eon's shoulder and squeezed him gently.
“Eon…”
Eon looked up at him, his knee aching and he was filled with embarrassment. He watched Lucanis scanning his face, he looked over Lucanis in turn. He wondered what Lucanis was thinking, his face gave away very little.
Lucanis gave him a smile and gestured to the plate,
“I made your favorite today, I hope it's satisfactory. Would you like coffee?”
Eon felt Lucanis's hand give another comforting squeeze and it made his heart melt. It was hard to feel upset when Lucanis was giving him attention. He placed his own hand over Lucanis's and gave a small squeeze back.
“Yes please. I'm sure it's great, as usual. Thank you.”
A blush rose to Lucanis’s cheeks but he didn’t avert his gaze. He gently pulled his hand away and walked with his usual grace to the percolator. Eon finally glanced at his plate, a stack of pancakes and bacon piled high. Fresh strawberries cut in little stars sat on top. He grabbed his fork and he nearly choked on the first bite when Taash whined loudly.
”What?? How come Eon gets pretty strawberries?”
Harding elbowed them and shushed them, Lucanis cleared his throat and shrugged, he was leaning back against the table with the percolator.
”Perhaps you simply missed that I cut them all like that.”
Taash pouted and crossed their arms, grumbling under their breath. Eon wasn’t sure if Lucanis was being truthful, especially with how Davrin and Neve were noticeably looking directly at the table and clearly trying to hold back their laughter. He looked down at the stars on his plate and he felt his face heating up, his ears twitching up and down like a little kittens’ might.
Which did nothing to ease his furiously beating heart.
Since he was so tired he couldn’t make them stop, he didn’t dare glance up again in case anyone was looking at him. He could guarantee they all were, thankfully everyone remained blissfully silent. Eon continued eating, with every bite he realized how starved he was. About halfway through, Lucanis set down a cup of coffee in front of him.
“Thanks, Lucanis. I appreciate both the food and the coffee.”
Eon’s voice came out so quietly that he wasn’t even sure if Lucanis would be able to hear him. His ears were still moving of their own volition, if anything they started moving faster when Lucanis got close.
Lucanis bent down to his ear, any closer and Eon would be able to feel his beard scratching his skin. His voice came out a gentle murmur, “You are welcome, I am pleased to see you eating.”
He felt his throat close up and his eyes started to water, he looked even further down and took in a strangled, shaky breath. This kindness was too much, more than he deserved. Other Wardens were dead because he couldn’t figure out how to get the First Warden on his side. Minrathous falling was bad, it bothered him that it happened but he couldn’t be in two places at once.
But he could’ve figured something out for Weisshaupt.
Couldn’t he?
It's too late now.
Eon hadn’t even noticed that his fork clattered to the floor, tears spilling from his eyes. He couldn’t do this, he wasn’t Varric, he-
His chair scraped on the floor and he stood up, quickly turning on his heels to run out and leave. To where, he wasn’t sure. He didn’t make it far, a strong hand grabbed his wrist a little too tightly and tugged him closer.
”Rook! Stays!”
The spiraling thoughts stopped, Eon looked up and could see Spite’s glowing eyes staring at him. His face was worried looking, yet another kindness Eon felt he didn’t deserve. Eon couldn’t stop the hot tears coming down his face if he tried, he tugged his hand and found himself unable to break Spite’s grasp.
”Spite-“
”No! Spite-“
Eon’s voice cut him off in a shout,
”I am not asking! Let me go! ”
Spite looked hurt, his grip loosened but he was still holding Eon’s wrist. His fingers were loose, barely touching his skin anymore. Spite’s voice came out broken and distraught,
”Rook. Is sad. Spite. Is sad.”
Eon didn't have any fight left in him, seeing Spite look so heartbroken made him start crying even more. He was so embarrassed to be crying in front of everyone like this. When he spoke it came out panicked and loud.
“I- fuck I can't! I can't do this! All those Wardens are f-fucking dead because of me! Weisshaupt is in shambles! Everyone here deserves someone better than me to lead them, I’m not Varric!”
Spite didn't waste a beat, he tugged Eon close and hugged him.
Eon sobbed harder, weakly shuffling and hitting Spite on the back, a poor attempt to leave his grasp.
”No- No! I don’t deserve this! Spite-“
”-Eon, just breathe for me. We have you.”
Lucanis was holding him close, his voice a comforting rumble. Eon glanced at everyone and many were looking away, Bellara and Harding were the only two giving him a sympathetic look. Eon squeezed Lucanis tighter, burying his face into his neck. His sobs wracked his entire body, snot started dripping out of his nose, and spittle accumulated at the corners of his lips.
“Gods, so many Wardens- so many I knew! All because I c-couldn’t convince the First Warden of the danger that was coming!”
A gentle hand rubbed his back, Lucanis shushed him softly and shook his head slowly.
”Eon, I know you feel like a failure. Trust me, I get it.” He brought his head back and he cupped Eon’s face in one of his hands, “You did everything you could. Do you blame me for Ghilan’nain still being alive?”
Eon immediately shook his head ferociously side to side, “No way, you did extremely well considering all the curveballs of that whole thing.”
Lucanis smiled and sighed, “I figured you would say that. Why do you not extend the same courtesy to yourself? Everyone here believes in you, we don’t want anyone else leading us.”
He watched Lucanis pull out a handkerchief, he gently wiped Eon’s face. Each swipe of the cloth was both sweet and embarrassing all at once. Eon could feel his face heating up again and he looked away, turning to everyone.
The team was looking at him now, suddenly one by one they all stood up and walked over to him. Davrin was the first by his side, a big grin on his face. He slapped Eon on the back a few times in a brotherly way.
“Couldn't ask for a cooler boss!”
Harding poked his side and her sunny disposition didn't change an ounce. “Varric made a good choice with you, Eon."
Neve and Bellara nodded in agreement.
Bellara clapped her hands a bit, speaking quickly. "Oh, yes — you were so quick on your feet during the fight! I even added something similar to my story, since you were so cool and heroic!”
Emmrich took his hand gently and held it between his own, the usual gentle smile on his face.
“My dear, we really couldn't have a better leader than you.”
Eon looked at everyone, his gaze eventually landed on Taash. They shrugged, patting his head and grinning mischievously.
“Eh, you are alright.”
Everyone laughed, especially Eon. He doubled over and laughed harder than he has in weeks. The tears that came to his eyes were no longer from sadness, he felt a huge weight falling from his shoulders just from everyone standing here beside him.
He knew that no matter what they went through, he would have all of them by his side. His eyes landed on Lucanis again, he was smiling at him and Eon couldn't help the broad grin he gave back.
“So, those strawberries?”
Eon watched the blush grow on Lucanis's face, he rubbed his neck and shyly looked at the floor. His voice came out quietly and nervously.
“I just wanted to cheer you up…”
Davrin elbowed Lucanis and gave a big grin, his voice boisterously loud.
“Mhm, totally. No other reason you made cute little stars for him and nobody else.”
Lucanis gave him a scowl, one that could smite someone of lesser confidence than Davrin.
“Says the man who takes Eon out on picnics in Arlathan. Alone. ”
“Now that's-”
Davrin was cut off by Eon laughing yet again, he started clenching his stomach and waving his hand back and forth.
“You two need to stop before I pass out! There's more than enough of me to go around.”
He said the last bit with a wink and a smirk, both Lucanis and Davrin blushed. Davrin looked off and rubbed the back of his head, clearly embarrassed.
“Shut up. Cocky bastard.”
Neve rubbed Eon's arm softly and smiled nice and big, she looked eagerly at him.
“If that's true, then how about some fried fish in Dock Town?”
Eon patted her hand and gave her a happy smile back, he nodded.
“Anything for my favorite detective. Maybe I should take a small break today. Just a little one.”
Neve nodded, “Just a little one.”