Chapter Text
Jaekyung was freezing.
Despite his raging fever wrecking a hellish heated havoc on his body, he was impossibly cold. Shivering through his sweat slicked clothes, he curled up into his sheets in an effort to conserve his body heat to no avail.
"Why is it so fucking cold..."
Jaekyung shifted restlessly in bed as he felt the weight of sleep descend up on him like a curtain of darkness. After endless nights of constant nightmares of Dan drowning out at sea, he fought his exhaustion as much as his feverish body would allow. In the end, his sickness enervated him and he'd always fall victim to the inevitable chilling dreamscapes.
As his consciousness drifted, a familiar smell of fresh linen tickled his senses. A feather-light weight was rhythmically rising and receding against his abdomen, almost as if he wasn't the only occupant of his bed.
Blinking open sleep leaden eyes, he woke to a head of honey brown hair, disheveled and partially sticking to the inside of his bicep.
Confused, Jaekyung furrowed his eyebrows as his gaze gained clarity. This smell, this hair, it was inexplicably Kim Dan.
"What the..." Jaekyung's mind was in disarray. Why was Kim Dan in his bed, using his arm as a pillow? Why was Kim Dan snuggled into his chest?
Why did it feel like the most comforting warmth he'd ever felt?
The realization hit him all at once, like a crashing wave those sobering thoughts from the night before, admitting his defeat and recognizing his attachment to Kim Dan outside of his role as his physical therapist.
It left like the first plunge into the deep end. These unfamiliar feelings surrounded him with a resounding force, encasing him in its' unknown vastness. He was scrambling to tread those waters, his lungs screaming for oxygen as he broke toward the surface. His heart thumped erratically, painfully, against his chest. A growing heat washed over his face seeping down his neck, a cold sweat beading his back. His arms shook involuntarily, almost fearful that he'd wake Dan or squeeze him too tight or break his fragile body. His breaths stuttered as he tried to calm himself, trying to maintain his composure, to make sense of the situation.
He furtively shifted, almost as if he wanted to run away, but sure enough, Dan's angelic face was in a state of suspended animation, his plump pink lips slightly parted, one cheek pressed up against his arm. His eyelashes fanned over his fair skin, his arm lazily draped over Jaekyung's waist.
Without warning, all the anxiety evaporated when he focused on Dan's sleeping figure.
He's so warm...
Jaekyung subconsciously nibbled on his bottom lip, swallowing thickly. His mouth had gone dry taking in Dan's peaceful slumber. For the first time, he'd really studied Dan's visage. Initially, he'd admit there was a surface level attraction, Dan was naturally well figured. When he'd pass out after sex, Jaekyung would stare out of jealousy, he'd been so envious of how easily Dan could fall asleep.
But now, Jaekyung couldn't help but feel a fluttering in his stomach when he looked down at Dan adorably curled up against him, nestled comfortably under their shared sheets, his head cradled in the crook of Jaekyung's arm. His skin was soft and youthful, his jawline framed his face with a delicate masculinity. Those sun kissed brown locks cascaded down to his cheeks that were irresistibly pinch-able, coupled with the cutest curved nose.
The hell are you doing to me Kim Dan...
Jaekyung sighed. He couldn't deny that he'd felt an unmistakable sense of safety and peace in Dan's embrace. Despite his overactive heart and the increased blood flow throbbing in his ears, this all felt so inherently natural. Almost as if, this was how it was meant to be.
If it was anyone else, he'd shove them off without a second thought. He hated any kind of contact with others, it made his skin crawl.
In contrast, the weight of Dan's body resting on his own was like a radiating blanket of summer sun rays, he couldn't quite describe the feeling other than it was a gentle warmth and impossibly tender. Dan had this uncanny tranquility to him, like a calm lake in the spring. Just his presence was enough to still Jaekyung's reverberating mind, to silence the debilitating pandemonium of his insatiable insecurities, calm his irascible attitude.
Fucking hell. It's so hot...but...
Gazing down at Dan, who was sleepily nuzzling closer into his chest with what seemed to be a content hum, Jaekyung felt like he was melting into a puddle of abashed reverence and...something deeper. Something he'd never felt before blooming in his chest. His heart felt like it was swelling, it was almost suffocating.
Why can't I let you go?
Why don't I want to let you go?
Why do you make me feel this way?
Jaekyung was at a loss. Something told him he knew what this was, but in truth, he was afraid. Afraid to get close knowing he could lose Kim Dan and...could he recover from that?
The impending reality of it all was even more frightening, like a cold spear digging into his heart, he couldn't fathom a future without Dan.
Just like that desperation he felt coming home to Dan's empty bedroom, unable to find him in Seoul, watching him sleepwalk into the ocean, finding him ashore the night of that storm, the very thought of Dan disappearing from his life paralyzed him. His fear of losing was overshadowed by Dan's absence.
He was determined to rectify his irrevocable wrongs, anything to repair the damage he'd inflicted on one of the few people in the world that wanted nothing more from him than to see him succeed. To care for him with unconditional kindness without a shred of reciprocity.
Somehow, in the midst of all the chaos and strife in his life, perhaps purely by happenstance or a work of fate, Dan had become his source of light.
His lips quivered as he felt his eyes starting to water.
Like hell you're going anywhere.
Jaekyung curled his arms around Dan, embracing him with a confident but soft strength. He resisted the urge to squeeze him, something in his mind seemed to buzz when he pulled him in closer.
Dan shifted in his arms, a small smile gracing his lips as he mumbled incoherently.
If it was even humanly possible, Jaekyung's face grew hotter still. His whole body was aflame but not with the lust he was used to. This heat was one of embarrassment, anticipation and...an unbridled adoration.
He sighed in defeat, helplessly swooned by Dan's small gesture of reciprocation.
You really just...I can't win with you can I?
Exhausted in feigning ignorance, Jaekyung breathed in Dan's scent. As that comforting smell filled his lungs, he exhaled all the disquiet, the uncertainty, the animosity.
All that was left was something he'd been missing all his life.
Love.
He nuzzled closer, reveling in their shared warmth, his heart full with brimming felicity.
So this is what it feels like...
As the warmth faded out, he could feel his consciousness waver once more.