Archive of Our Own

It was around November 1st when Kenny noticed his voice sounded different. The high-pitch everyone knew him for was now a little lower, more crackly. 

It was around November 3rd when Kenny noticed pricks of hair starting to grow on his chin and upper lip. They weren’t anything at all, just there.

It was around November 5th when Kenny noticed he could smell a lot more things, and November 6th when his sight became clearer.

He was definitely hitting puberty, but something was wrong.

Really really wrong.

He was currently in the cafeteria, surrounded by his friends. His gang, as Eric had blandly called their group. They all had trays of food; it was burrito day, which was fine, but it meant that the rest of the day would suck ass. Kenny could already smell the putrid farts of the future.

The four of them had been friends since they were eight, but Kenny knew Eric the longest. Stan lived fifteen miles away on a farm and only started going to public school when he was seven. Kyle moved to South Park from Canada when he was eight, adding more religious diversity to the town.

The four of them were also not normal.

Stan was… well, none of them knew if he was human at all. He looked and tasted like one, but in the darkness his eyes shone red and he could command hammers and wrenches to his will. His hands were always a little red from this, and he spent a lot of time in shop class.

Kyle was an alien. Straight up. He used a lot of practical effects to blend in, because his true form was some kind of fire-colored creature with six limbs and wings that could arrange themselves into a kite. He was always nervous that one day he’d accidentally reveal himself, but that hadn’t happened yet.

Eric was half man, half raccoon. He was born in a test tube and was biologically related to Liane Cartman, but he always wondered who his father was. Like Kyle, Eric was in a constant need to hide himself, but the result of hiding his bushy tail gave him a fat ass. He had spelt his own doom, but then again, what other choice did he have?

And then there was Kenny. To the other three, he was a normal, boring human who grew up too fast.

But Kenny was more than that.

He died.

He died so many times.

And he always came back, and no one remembered.

According to The Goths, he was immortal, but what immortal came back from death so frequently instead of staying intact? A phoenix? He was not a bird, and he certainly did not burst into flames! The most he did was be a ghost for a little while, before being revived by forces beyond his understanding.

Every day was an inconvenience for Kenny. Misfortune was drawn to him like a magnet, death coming to claim his body over and over like clockwork. He had to be careful, because at this point, he could choke on his spit and die or spontaneously combust.

And. No. One. Remembered. Even if he died right in front of them.

And now he was hitting puberty, and strange things were happening to him at a faster rate than he could comprehend.

“So what did Leslie say again?” Eric asked between mouthfuls.

Kyle chortled. “She told me that she’d have her answer via email!” He sighed. “She’s such a dork…”

“Sounds like you have a little crush.” Stan teased, poking his super-best friend.

Kyle’s body bristled, for his human skin was actually lots of really small feathers. “I do NOT!” He squawked. 

“Do too! Look at you!” Eric chided. “You look like a chicken about to explode!”

At this, Kyle became a slightly-hued pink. “Oh fuck you!” 

“You know it in your heart to be true babe~” Eric mused.

Kyle growled, got up from his table, and stormed off. Eric facepalmed. “Oh come on I’m just trying to humor you! Come back!”

Kyle gave him the middle finger, not even turning around. Eric flinched and gawked. Stan laughed and shook his head. Kenny could only compliment this act in his mindscape.

But this gave him an excuse to confront Kyle on his own, so Kenny hopped out of his seat and followed behind.

Since it was lunchtime, the hallways were quiet and mostly free of students, save for those few that wanted to wait by their classes. Kenny trailed Kyle as he wandered to the unisex bathroom and went in. Kenny, having no other choice, also went in.

Kyle jumped and turned around, his feathers puffing out to the point that he started becoming prismatic. “Dude what the hell?!” He hissed. “Do you mind??”

“Actually yes.” Kenny said. “I have a problem.”

“Well can it wait when I’m done?” Kyle grunted, opening a stall door and closing it. “Fuck off.”

Kenny did not fuck off. He went to the mirror and looked at himself. His golden hair was unkempt and semi-dirty. He touched his face, and his skin moved with the stiffness and liquidness of a healthy teenager for his age. He was almost too healthy, which was strange, since he was the poorest kid in the town and almost never got enough food to eat.

He leaned closer to the mirror. His eyes were green, yes, but today they seemed brighter than normal. His pupils were strange, too. Instead of a circle, they resembled a wonky plus sign. Like someone tried to draw the eye of a frog and a snake at the same time, but used wide brushes.

“What the fuck…” he breathed out, leaning even closer.

He blinked, and suddenly, the green had completely taken over his eyes.

He screamed and jumped back. His shoes skidded across the tiled floor, and before he knew it, he was falling backwards. 

As if expecting this, his body moved on its own. An ugly snapping sound came out of him as his upper half twisted a full 180. He caught himself with his hands, leaving him to stare at the tiles, and his wide green eyes staring back.

“Kenny?” Kyle called. “Kenny is that you? Are you ok?”

Shit. Kenny didn’t know what to do next. “Uh-“

“Yes or no Ken?”

“I- I don’t know!” Kenny cried. “Help??”

“..for God’s sake.”

He heard a toilet flush, and then the stall over on the right opened. He heard Kyle gasp in shock. He turned his head, only to see Kyle covering his mouth.

“Well?!” Kenny snapped. “Are you gonna help me or not?”

Kyle took a moment to respond. He quickly approached and bent down, and Kenny felt arms wrap around his body. The two of them worked together to help him up, which ended with him sitting on his knees. The two stared at each other, face to face.

“How did this happen?!” Kyle demanded.

“I don’t know, trust me!” Kenny cried, feeling a tight warmth in his face. “I don’t know what’s going on but this isn’t the only thing!”

Kyle opened his mouth to speak, then shut it. “Ok, before we talk about that, let’s… undo- undo? Let’s undo your spine. That looks like a bitch. Does it hurt?”

“…no?”

“No?”

“Nope. Not at all.” Kenny said.

“Damn.”

Kyle’s hands moved to Kenny’s own, and slowly, the two moved together. Kenny kept his lower body in place, while Kyle moved his upper body. Like a screw, bones snapped and popped, and Kenny twisted back into his normal self.

Kyle plopped on the floor, his feathers still puffed and prismatic. “Your eyes are all…”

“Weird?”

“I was gonna say squid-like, but yeah. Weird.” Kyle shrugged. “You said this wasn’t the only weird thing going on with you?”

Kenny nodded. “Yes! I can smell and see things better than before… that’s not normal!” He squeaked. “And I’m being hit with voice cracks and stubble… you’re not normal, I was hoping you’d know something, maybe?”

Kyle blinked. He smiled awkwardly. “Ken… the most that’s happened to me so far is growing my uh…” he scratched his head. His hair was actually more feathers, long and thin enough to be mistaken. “Plumage.”

“Oh… so… no pheromones?” Kenny gestured with his hands. “No weird shit?”

“If you mean breaking your spine and living, and green eyes and extrasensory, then no.” Kyle shook his head. “Dude… I don’t think I can help you.”

“Well no one else can!” He cried. “And I don’t know how to get rid of this!”

Kyle’s eyes narrowed. It was an expression that gave way to the calculative side of himself. “Okay, since both of us are stressed right now… let’s calm down first.”

“I don’t know how you think that’ll help.”

“Hey, do you want to at least try returning to a human state? I do. I don’t want to walk out looking like a chicken and I know you don’t want to walk out with squid eyes, so let’s sit here, and relax.”

…they were still holding hands. They were on the floor of the unisex bathroom and they were holding hands. Thank God no one else needed to come in here, Kenny thought as he avoided the pensive stare of Kyle.

“Look at me.” Kyle insisted.

So Kenny did.

“Breathe deep and slow.” He instructed.

Kyle went first, and Kenny followed. He could feel air fill his lungs and belly, and he could feel it get squeezed out. It was a feeling he had honed in on many times. Throughout some of his slow demises, the only thing he had control over was his ability to breathe. He never thought of using it to calm down. That was what beating the scum of South Park was for, and staying up all night under the cover of darkness.

But no one knew of that part of himself. For all they knew, Kenny and Mysterion were two different people.

“Now… close your eyes. Imagine you’re in a place where nothing can hurt you.” Kyle continued. “Whether it’s a field of flowers or a fluffy cloud… imagine that you’re there.”

So Kenny did. He closed his eyes, and everything went dark. He continued breathing, slowly. Amongst his thoughts he focused on the ones about Mysterion. In particular, a tall building. 

He sat perched on its roof, overlooking South Park in all of its glory. It was a small town, or, that’s what it used to be. Its neighborhoods spanned a decent amount, with main street having everything everyone needed. The U-Store-It was full of lights, and the City Part of Town was bustling with business. The only place not was SoDoSoPa… his home.

The people that lived there were homeless, drug addicts, and poor. There were children there too, with nowhere else to go. He and his siblings grew up alongside them. In a way, the three of them were an uneasy family with the homeless of SoDoSoPa.

Kenny took in the crisp night air, catching a whiff of gasoline. He flexed his hands, and looked around himself. The roof he was residing on was abandoned, lonely.

Suddenly, a small device in his pocket came to life. “Mysterion, Mysterion!”

Kenny took it out: a small radio. He brought it to his face. “Come in, Ringtail.”

Ringtail was the name of yet another vigilante. He was actually Cartman, no surprise there. Fat as fuck and talked the same. He was the second-in-command of the Freedom Pals, which included more kids dressing up in superhero costumes and using their oddities to save the day.

“Some really shady stuff going on at the U-Store-It.” Said the voice from the radio. “Shadier than normal. I think the League of Disasters are either up to something or are in serious trouble.”

“I’ll see what I can make out. Over.”

He put the radio away and stood up. He backed away from his perch, then took a running start and jumped. He hopped from rooftop to rooftop, his footsteps as quiet as feathers on glass. He didn’t remember being this quiet… but whatever the case, it was a good thing.

He skidded down the roof of someone’s house and did a sick backflip into the alleyway that went to Raisins, and therefore, the U-Store-It. He slinked through the shadows, keeping himself out of the light and out of sight. 

Not even the crows rummaging through the trash noticed him. It was like he didn’t exist.

Eventually, Kenny came up to the U-Store-It. The gasoline was strong here, but so were the scents of people he knew and didn’t know. He hid behind a car, and watched as a few men transported something from a forklift to a large 18-wheeler.

The Freedom Pals weren’t the only group. The League of Disasters was another, except they used their powers for evil. At first the two groups butted heads on every end, but after they managed to save the local summer camp together, they got along. They set up locations to meet and train together. 

But with Mysterion’s help, they all became more watchful of their state of Colorado.

And then he heard the faint hum of static. His ears perked up, and he turned around, only to see a boy in ironclad aluminum foil armor land on his feet. He carried another in his arms, this one wearing a hard hat and a safety vest, his belt littered with various tapes and large stickers.

“Professor.” Kenny greeted, his voice lowered so as to not give away who he truly was. 

No one knew he was Mysterion, but he knew who the other vigilantes in the area were. Professor Chaos, the one covered in foil, was Butters: a sweetheart by day and mastermind villain by night. The one he just set down was Pip, who disappeared after the annual Civil War Reenactment and returned as the nefarious left hand of Chaos: Roadworks.

“Wagwan, bruvs?” Roadworks asked in some foreign language.

Kenny warily glanced at Butters. Butters shrugged. “You gotta learn slang.”

Ugh. “You know anything about this?” Kenny asked, gesturing to the situation.

“‘Fraid I don’t know the entire picture. All the boxes here are people’s belongings.” Butters answered. “We don’t look through them, that’s disrespectful… also we don’t have the codes and lock numbers.”

Kenny turned back to looking at the men at work. “What about that one?”

“Definitely someone’s stuff.” Butters nodded.

“This could be ordinary people moving things around…” Kenny scowled. “Or stealing.”

“Probably that.”

Pip smiled at the two. “What’s your plan, Chaos? Mysterion?”

Kenny took a look at the sky. In the moonlight, he caught a glimpse of a kite’s silhouette. He got out his pocket radio. He and Butters nodded at each other.

A few minutes later, the men moving the boxes were met by Mysterion and Professor Chaos. Butters had a small sketchpad and a pen with him, while Kenny had his hands behind his back. His back… felt itchy, all of a sudden.

“Greetings, gentlemen!” Butters greeted.

Right away, something was off. The movers all had terror in their eyes, as opposed to confusion or a repulse to teenagers in costumes. The two in the truck’s storage whispered amongst themselves, while the three in the open cautiously approached the duo.

“Uh, hi.” One of them said. “Didn’t your mothers tell you to go home and sleep?”

Butters smiled, his eyes widened, blue irises crackling with a very faint spark. “We do what we want.” He stated. “Now, can you tell me why you’re moving this fellow’s things?”

“Like Hell we-“

He was shut up by the mover on the right, who then spoke. “Listen, kid…s. Beat it.”

“I don’t think so.” Kenny growled, baring his teeth. He scratched his spine. This is a really bad time to catch chickenpox.

A moment passed, but that was all anyone needed. The movers whipped out guns. Kenny and Butters got into defensive stances.

“GO!” Someone shouted.

Gunshots rang out as Kenny and Butters both ducked to their opposing sides. Kenny quickly ran around and incapacitated the mover on the right with a kick to the nuts. He darted and kicked away the central’s gun, delivering the same fate and a few punches to the chest.

Butters was doing fine. He deflected oncoming bullets with his magnetism, and then electrocuted his assailant into unconsciousness. The bolt bounced off and struck the other two, shortening their work by a landslide. It was one of the positives about Butters’s powers.

The engine to the truck revved. Both turned, only to see the remaining thieves in the bay, them too carrying guns. Before either could react, the truck took off.

“Fear not!” Boomed a voice, one strikingly familiar. “From the skies comes a kite!”

Butters sprinted after the truck, utilizing the same tactics as before to protect himself. At the same time, the Human Kite swooped in, bringing a gust of wind with him. The two chased after the truck, and Kenny followed.

Pip was nowhere to be seen. Good.

The night air sliced against him. He shoved his way past metal gates and skidded against the asphalt road. He ran behind his friends, his muscles aching from how much he had exerted himself. His back was on fire. The itching in his spine was almost unbearable.

He collapsed onto his hands, wincing from the pain. He heard a noise that sounded like shredded clothes, but he didn’t feel his outfit be tarnished.

When he looked behind himself, he saw four long, black tentacles floating off of him. He could see speckles of a soft purple in them, glimmering with every twitch and flow. They were exactly like ribbons in a blissful wind.

What the actual fuck, Kenny thought.

The light of the truck was too far for him to catch up, but it felt so close at the same time.

His new tentacles flicked, and particles of purple came off of them. A mist pooled around his hands and feet. In the puddle, he could see his eyes, squid-like and green, glowing harshly like the sun.

What had Kyle said to him? Close his eyes, and imagine himself somewhere else?

He pulled at the mist, and in a blink, he was enveloped by it. He dived in, and suddenly, he was in the backseat of the actual truck. 

The two at the front looked back in total shock.

Kenny smiled. “Surprise motherfucker!”

He punched the driver in the face, then elbowed the passenger in the neck. Both doubled over in agony and shock, cursing for their lives and his. Using a tentacle, he shot it through the window, breaking the glass. He climbed over and opened the door, then shoved the driver out. 

Suddenly, hands grasped around his neck. Kenny screeched and turned his neck, glaring his perpetrator in the eye.

Butters flung himself into the driver’s seat. He slammed his foot on the breaks, and the truck made an ugly screeching sound as it jolted to an awkward slow.

Kenny shoved himself and their last enemy out, pinning him to the road. They had stopped in front of a well-placed traffic cone zone, complete with orange signs all from Pip.

The two had the perp cornered.

“Talk!” Kenny demanded, tentacles writhing, something wet pricking at his eyes.

The adult he was pinning down was frightened, struggling under the weight of a malnourished teenager with magical powers. Butters kicked them in the head and picked up a gun they had dropped.

“CHAOS!” Kenny hissed. “That’s not how we do this!”

“Hypocrite.” Butters murmured. “Y’know, I think you should really start respecting me and my work. He was going to shoot you! I saved your life.”

Kenny blinked. His eyes felt weird. Despite staring down at the thief he was interrogating, he was also staring at Butters. He could see Kyle approach them. He could also see Pip a ways back rounding up all the criminals with Fastpass and Call Girl.

But he could see Butters and Kyle. He looked up at them, and they weren’t happy to see him.

Butters was confused and shocked, maybe a little disgusted.

Kyle looked horrified.

..wait, Kenny remembered, blinking. My eyes.

‘Your eyes…’ Kyle mouthed, bringing his hands to his chest.

You know.

Kenny’s heart sank. Not like this. No one was ever supposed to know it was me.

He could see their mouths moving, but he heard absolutely nothing. He could see their expressions deepen and worsen. He could see Pip, Fastpass and Call Girl approaching. He could see the darkness closing in with the mist.

He closed his eyes, not wanting to see them.

When they opened, he was no longer on the road. They weren’t there.

Kenny was in a realm of deep blues and purples, and reflections. He was still Mysterion, but his new attributes were still there too. He could see himself in the endless reflections that surrounded him, and they all pointed to one thing.

Death.

In one reflection, his face was melted off. In another, stabbed with rusty nails. 

They were all him, dying.

He remembered those deaths.

He really, really wished he didn’t.

“No!” Kenny shouted. “No no no!”

He ran. The reflections moved from him like leaves, but they wouldn’t leave. They followed him, a swarm of himself and blood.

No matter how far he ran, he couldn’t escape them. No matter if he cut ahead with his new trick, the horizon was a lie.

But the more he ran, the more his reflections got… weirder. He started to have features he didn't have in real life. In some, he was a cyborg. In others, he was an alien species. Sometimes he had the wings of an angel. Sometimes he was an animal.

One that really stuck out was the version of him with long locks of blond hair, a veil covering her face. Fairy wings sprouted from her back and her dress was embroidered with violet flowers. Her pointed ears stuck out like the ones of a deer.

He stumbled on something, and he fell through the blue, the purple, the indigo. He didn’t feel the wind brush across him, but he could feel the pull of gravity.

It was like a dream.

Eventually, he landed. It was like landing after, well, tripping. It was soft but didn’t hurt. It didn’t account for inertia and acceleration.

Kenny crawled onto his hands and knees. It was dark here, wherever it was. There weren’t any reflections. All around him, he could feel blades of soft grass. 

He looked around, and spotted a pair of eyes staring back. He heard a stomp, then another. He shuffled onto his back, propping his hands behind himself. Something weighed down on him, like a thick fog.

The eyes got closer. Their pupils were a lavender hue, with the rest of the eye becoming darker. The head they belonged to was a bird’s skull, and sprouted from that skull were three long horns. One in the center, two on the sides, all pointing upwards with an awkward angle. It drooled some kind of shiny, green slime.

The skull was attached to a mane of darkness, and then a body of feathers. Its wings were tattered and leathery, its tail ended in a stinger. Its legs ended in hooves. Its arms ended in talons.

“Child of R’lyeh.” Spoke the beast. “Need not be afraid. We carry the same pith, we will always find each other.”

But Kenny shook his head. He wanted to say something, but his mouth wouldn’t move. His vocal cords were on strike.

It took a step closer. Its violet eyes were locked on him, unrelenting, hungry. Its saliva dripped on the dirt, tainting grass and making it shrivel up in a dead but still alive state.

The beast drew in air through its hollow head. “I can see all of your fates.” It continued. “Impaled on a flagpole… sawed in half by a chainsaw… sealed in concrete…”

Something about its voice was… familiar. It had that same whiney quality to it that Clyde’s voice did, but the beast’s was more formal and foreboding. Like it accepted all that’s happened to it.

The beast stopped, right in front of him. It towered over him, staring deep into his soul. He squirmed, trying not to let its slime get on him and do strange things to himself. Everything about it screamed evil, evil, run away, hide, cower.

“I want to help you.” It whispered softly. “You suffer so much, and for no reason. You have nothing to atone for in your world.” It brought its hands to itself. “Don’t you tire of this? Don’t you yearn to live the life you deserve?”

A droplet of slime got on the grass next to him, inches from his body. He put a hand on his throat. Say something, he demanded. Say anything at all!

“You and I have the same problem – we’re stuck. We cannot move on.” The beast’s eyes twinkled wistfully. “The world I knew disappeared a long time ago. The people I confided in, and who confided in me are gone. What is now is a pointless war, and innocent lives with nowhere to go.

“You have friends, don’t you? Two princes whose mothers have continued to wage war against each other. A thief, a barbarian, a rogue. A fraud. They too will fade, and so will the world you grew up in.

“We will never die.”

Its words were on the cusp of understanding, and yet Kenny was too afraid and confused to understand anything beyond noise and syllables.

“Who… who are you?” Kenny choked out.

Somehow, the beast smiled. “You don’t know anything, do you? Here, let me…”

It reached for him with hooked talons, soaked in cancerous blood and rotted viscera festering with maggots. Kenny couldn’t do anything to stop it. He shut his eyes tight, preparing himself for the worst.

Kenny opened his eyes.

The wind was howling, dragging dust through the mist and barren wasteland he now found himself in. The complete opposite of the dark space he was previously entrapped to.

He was completely alone.

“Hello?”

Kenny recoiled. His voice wasn’t one, it was countless. It echoed and reverberated on itself, rippling into a cacophony of noise. 

He didn’t need to turn his head to look around. He could see the expanse around him, in all directions, all at once.

Below, he could see a colossal trunk of deep purple, ending in black tentacles that stretched beyond the horizon. Each branched off into several subsets of tentacles, then even smaller subsets, all down to the microscopic level. Each had flecks of purple briefly flicker in these appendages.

There were four large, and significantly shorter tentacles by the trunk’s chest. Two transitioned to a brighter purple, while the other two remained black. They didn’t branch off, they just were.

Kenny reached to someplace, and one of the tentacles responded in tandem, extending outward. He drew it back. He raised all four, and brought them down, then to his center like the arms of a velociraptor.

He blinked, but he didn’t blink with two eyes. All over his head, which was elongated and curved, green, squid-like eyes gazed out in different directions. That was how he could see without moving or turning his head.

A dread he had never felt before swept over him like the tide.

Kenny was a god damn eldritch monstrosity.

He couldn’t feel his heart race, or beat. He couldn’t feel air in his lungs. He couldn’t feel hunger and he couldn’t feel pain.

He could however feel the land he was rooted into. He could feel the wind and he could feel the dust. He could feel every single particle that touched him, and somehow it wasn’t enough to make him ticklish or overstimulated.

He was afraid, yes, but also at peace. He was powerful, all-seeing. He didn’t feel any amount of energy in him, but he knew in his core that anything that tried to hurt him would become more dust in the wind.

The thing that scared him the most was that he was alone, and how he got here.

He didn’t remember how he got here.

He was too busy comprehending everything around him.

Kenny, somewhere, was shaking his head in disbelief. “What is this?”

He didn’t expect anyone to respond, but someone did. Someone with a feminine voice. Someone he knew, and someone that knew him. It was someone he’d never expect, but given that he wound up in a fucking desolate expanse of mist and dust, he thought he was destined to be alone forever.

“The future.”

He looked down, and he saw her at the base of his body. Compared to him, she was an ant.

It was Call Girl. Better known as Wendy Testaburger.

She was dressed in a blouse and skirt and littered with cellular technology, complete with headphones. She was a cyberspace wizard who could destroy someone with the touch of a button. She was the chosen one and the dark lord of the internet. She was not, in any way, supposed to be here. She didn’t even have powers, she was chronically online…

“How’d you find me?” Kenny asked at last.

Wendy smiled. “I followed you.”

Kenny stammered, wanting to flop over and cry. But he was rooted in place. He was too big. He was stuck here, and someone else was here, with him. He couldn’t cry in front of her.

“What does that mean?” He beckoned. “Wendy, how…”

She raised a finger, as if shushing the air. “That doesn’t matter right now.”

“WENDY-“

His voices boomed and the ground beneath them trembled. The sky lit up with fire and the fog rippled outward with the elegance of a nuclear explosion. He quickly shut up.

The strangest part was how Wendy remained in place, like she wasn’t affected by anything at all. Was she a ghost? A hallucination?

“Then…” he looked away from her. “Then why are you here?”

Her smile faded. “You’re not the only one with… unique properties.”

How is that related? “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means…” she came to his side. “I can break reality too, like you can.”

…that was a really vague answer. It didn’t answer anything.

“Is that what’s been happening?” He whispered. “I’ve been breaking reality?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you have, or maybe it’s something else.” Wendy sat down on one of his tentacles. “I saw your lives flashing before your eyes. I think this is something unique to you.”

Kenny didn’t understand, and yet, he did. His mind couldn’t piece it together, but his soul had the puzzle solved. It was a paradox that left him whole and empty at the same time.

It was incomprehensible.

“Is this real?” He asked out loud.

She looked up at him. Her eyes were sunken into their sockets, as white and as polished as miniature moons. “Do you think it is?”

Kenny, with too many eyes and branching tentacles like basket stars, didn’t have a concrete answer. He felt like he did, but also not. It was a gray area he couldn’t escape, like agnostics.

“It feels real.” He said. “But dreams feel real too sometimes.”

Wendy nodded thoughtfully. “Do you know how to wake up?”

“..yes. I find a place to fall.”

He gazed out yonder through the infinite dust.

“I don’t think I can fall. I’m stuck.”

“Then… how did you get here?” She asked, tilting her head.

He thought about it. He thought about it real hard. There was no logical explanation, and his imagination was no help.

“Where were you before this?” She clarified.

Kenny’s primary tentacles shifted uncomfortably. “I… was in darkness. There was this… thing… it said it knew me.” That’s all I know.

“And before that?”

“Running away from myself.”

“And before that?”

He wanted to slap at her with a tentacle, but chose not to. “…staring at my friend, and his friends. How does this help?”

Wendy sighed. “Because each time you trace back where you were before, the closer you get to the origin of all this. It’s basic psychology.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I think you know what I’m going to ask again.”

He did. So predictable.

“What were you and your friends doing?”

…never mind.

“There was a truck… people stealing things… I got left behind but something happened to me, and I could catch up…” his primary tentacles went limp, somehow not crushing Wendy in the process. “I think this all started when that happened.”

“It does seem plausible.” She agreed. “How’d you get there?”

“How I always get to places: rooftop to rooftop.”

“What prompted you to go there?”

“Ringtail notified me.” Do you think that I’m Kenny or Mysterion? “I always watch South Park at night.”

“And…” she paused. “What brought you there that night?”

“To calm myself.” He stated. “Before you ask, it was because of my eyes.”

She tilted her head.

At first, it was nothing more than a fact. Then he looked back. He saw his body twisting much farther than it should have. He saw shock from Kyle. 

It was the first time anything like this had happened, yet right now, it felt like a distant memory.

“Wait.” He whispered. “This is… this is just my imagination, to help me calm down.”

“Yes.” Wendy stood up. “You know what to do. I’ll see you there, ok?”

Despite not understanding, he knew that she meant well. 

Kenny shut each eye. All of them. From the ones on the back of his skull, to the ones on the tip of his face. He remembered the tiles he sat on. The warmth, softness, and artificial prosthetics of Kyle’s hands. The stalls. The mirrors. The door, the school, the noise. The in-between lukewarm.

Kenny opened his eyes.

Not a thousand, but two. 

Artificial and natural light filled them.

Kenny looked around, and exhaled, relieved to be where he should’ve been. No night town. No chaos. No strange blue realm with his dead alternate selves. No mysterious beast. No desolate expanse. No Wendy.

Just him and Kyle, sitting on the floor of the unisex bathroom.

Fucking hell.

“Hey, your eyes are back to normal.”

Kyle was smiling softly at him. Kenny flashed a wary smile too, letting go and bringing his hands to himself.

“I feel better.” Kyle chirped. “Do you feel better? I know this isn’t the ideal place to do this sort of thing, but then again, panic attacks aren’t really ideal…”

Kenny blinked.

I closed my eyes and somehow got transported into the night, where we fought crime and I started growing tentacles and got new powers. You recognized me and I wound up in a realm of my deaths. I saw a motherfucker I don’t want to ever see again. I was AN ELDRITCH ABOMINATION in the distant future with WENDY of all people, and I just got back, and YOU’RE WONDERING IF I’M OK???

“Yeah.” He lied.

“Great!” Kyle shot up. “Let’s get out of here before anyone thinks we’re gaywads.”

So Kenny got up too. He left and headed back to the cafeteria, where his friends were waiting. For some reason, Kyle didn’t come.

“You and Kyel spent an awful long time in there…” Cartman pointed out.

Kenny shrugged, smirking. “We gave each other backshots.”

Cartman’s jaw might as well have hit the floor. “AND YOU DIDN’T THINK TO ASK ME?!”

“Dude I’m joking!” Kenny sighed, sitting down. “Calm your ass.”

“LIKE YOURS ISN’T!” Cartman hissed.

In the corner of Kenny’s eye, he could see Stan shake his head in disapproval, but understanding.

A few minutes later when Kyle returned, Clyde, Craig, Tweek, Jimmy, and Tolkien walked up to them.

“Oh hey.” Stan greeted. “What’s up?”

Clyde passed out a flier. “We’re making an RPG club!” He mused. “I’m dungeon mastering.”

Kenny and his friends all took turns reading the flier. It was titled: Join the Dungeons and Dragons Club! Underneath was a group of every basic fantasy race, even including authentic orcs and iconic monsters. Towering above them was a mysterious figure with a wand and a crown, in its center an animal skull.

The four shared amused expressions. Stan nodded. “I’ll join. I’ve been meaning to play an artificer.”

“I will too!” Cartman declared. “I can’t wait to kick some goblin ass!”

“Yeah!” Kyle beamed.

Even though Kenny had never played or read up on Dungeons and Dragons, he too was mystified. “Yeah, sure.” He frowned. “But I don’t know anything…”

Cartman groaned. Clyde kept smiling. “Don’t worry! We’ll help you learn the ropes, and we’ll start a campaign that’ll be easy for you to follow along.”

Kenny took a picture of the flier’s times. He nodded to himself. “That’s… really nice of you. Thanks!”

“No problem! I knew you’d join!”

The two groups smiled at each other. Everything was in its right place, at the right time.

So then why did Kenny feel like something was wrong?

He scanned the cafeteria, and caught sight of a girl in a pink dress staring back at him with eyes of iron.