Chapter Text
Life is so tiring. Yet so short. Always nipping at your heels, not letting you catch your breath when you need to most. Then it slows down and everything spirals and you can’t pick yourself up again. Meanwhile everyone expects you to do more than you’re already trying to do, and you can’t possibly do any more. But there’s life again, nipping at your heels, never slowing down.
The joys of having two children and a useless husband, then.
Julia sighs, slamming her journal shut with a little more force than necessary.
Her gaze drifts to the window, her attention drawn to Meg and her lot milling around on the pavement outside beneath the glow of a lamppost, clearly dressed up to go out somewhere nice.
Imagine having a life.
As for Julia, she’s planned to spend the night with the same two people as usual - since they were the only people that tolerated her irritable attitude enough to be around her for so long - and wallow in that feeling of nipping, slowing, spiralling.
She lets her gaze linger on the group across the street for a moment longer before forcing herself to stand up from her chair at her desk and go downstairs.
It’s late, the children are asleep, Paul is out somewhere with friends. The house is quiet. She takes a moment to savour the silence, pausing at the bottom of the stairs to sink down onto the bottom step and let herself have that moment of well-deserved peace that she knows will be broken any minute by-
Ah yes, the front door opening.
She takes a breath to steady herself before standing up and instead finds herself smiling widely as she sees Kevin and Liz standing in the hallway, Liz bearing a bottle of white wine.
“Alright?” Liz says, grinning. Julia doesn’t return her smile and instead just shakes her head with a sigh. Kevin pouts sympathetically. Liz doesn't ask, retreating to the living room instead.
“Long day,” Julia answers Kevin’s frown, giving him a light reassuring smile before following after Liz who sets the bottle of wine down on the table before sitting down on the sofa and removing her red beanie hat, where it joins the bottle on the table.
“Kevin, get glasses, would you?” Julia calls, joining Liz on the sofa. “Top left cupboard.”
Kevin joins them both a moment later with three wine glasses as requested, opening the wine and pouring a glass for them all. He sits down beside Julia, who takes a large gulp of wine before leaning back into the cushions and staring up at the ceiling, squinting at a mark that Paul made the other week with a mop when he was… What even was he doing? She can’t remember for the life of her.
She sighs heavily, squeezing her eyes shut for a brief moment before Liz’s voice breaks through her thoughts.
“What’s with you?” Liz asks, frowning. Julia shakes her head, sitting back up again and opening her eyes.
“No, nothing,” she says, waving a hand dismissively. “I uh, tend to journal later on at night so… Lots of thoughts.”
Liz raises an eyebrow. “Journal?”
“Yeah, just something my counsellor recommended. It’s great, actually. In some aspects. Makes me think about stuff that I’d rather ignore, but it helps my stress a little, since I’m getting it out on the page.”
They fall silent again to take another sip of wine before Julia speaks again. “You ever tried journaling, Liz?”
Liz scoffs, shaking her head. “Nah. Load of shit.”
“I think it’s great,” Kevin pipes in. “I tried doing it and enjoyed it very much. But I don’t have the time anymore. But I’m glad you like it!” He leans a little closer to pat Julia on the arm gently, which she doesn’t appreciate, shrugging his hand off.
“I don’t see the point,” Liz mutters, staring into the contents of her glass with a disdainful expression. “Why write about stuff like that if you’ve been ignoring it in your head? I’d rather keep it ignored.”
Julia smiles a little, tilting her head to the side curiously. “Oh? And what stuff do you ignore, Elizabeth?”
Liz rolls her eyes at the question and the name. “Nothing. Drop it.”
Julia raises her eyebrows a little at the tone in her voice, but knows better than to contradict it, so she obeys and drops the subject. Kevin obviously doesn’t take the hint.
“You should try it sometime, Liz. It’s great, especially when you’re lonely and have all your feelings-”
“I said drop it, Kev!”
Kevin nods, focusing his attention on the drink in his hand again.
There’s no further mention of journaling.
Julia clears her throat, attempting to change the subject. “Kevin, how’s things with Jill and the divorce?”
Liz brightens up, leaning in a little. “Yeah. Heard Meg saying you were ghosting her lawyer,” she adds, nudging Kevin with her boot. “She did seem a bit intense to me to be fair.”
Kevin sighs, nodding glumly. “Well, I think I should get custody of the girls either way. Since I am their main carer and everything.” He adds proudly. Julia nods, patting his knee reassuringly. “How about you and Sam Shepherd?”
Liz laughs, shaking her head. “No way. He’s not interested in marriage. Focuses on the divorce part too much, I suppose.”
“I thought you said you didn’t want to get married again?” Kevin asks, puzzled. Liz shrugs, taking a thoughtful sip of wine before answering.
“If it was the definite right person I might, I dunno. I wouldn’t rule it out completely. Who would be interested in marriage with me, though?” she chuckles, taking a sip of wine.
“I’d be interested in marriage,” Julia says abruptly.
The others go suddenly silent. Liz lowers her wine glass halfway to her mouth, both of them turning to look at her with bewildered expressions.
Julia clears her throat awkwardly.
“I mean, I did. With- With Paul. Of course.”
She thinks it’s too late to save it, feeling her face burning already, but the other two just shrug it off with a small frown and act as if she never said anything. She breathes a silent sigh of relief, taking another measurable gulp of wine.
“I’m starving,” Liz announces, breaking the silence that has fallen again, standing up from the sofa. “You got any cheese balls?”
Julia follows after her through to the kitchen, watching her rummage through the cupboards with an amused expression before crossing over to the fridge and opening it, peering inside.
“I have yoghurt?” she offers, finding a multipack of little tubs of apricot yoghurt at the back of the fridge. Liz eyes the yoghurt indecisively for a moment before shaking her head with a grimace.
“I’m alright.” she says, returning to the cupboards behind her. She eventually extracts a bag of Quavers. “Not cheese balls, but it’ll do.” she flashes Julia a light grin before disappearing back through to the living room.
Julia grabs a spoon from the nearby drawer before following, yoghurt in hand, rejoining them in the living room. She settles back down beside Liz, who now has her knees tucked beneath her despite keeping her boots on. Julia scowls a little at this, preferring people to take their shoes off when they generally come in the house, but makes an exception for Liz since they’re such good friends, and she knows that even if she asked her to take her shoes off she wouldn’t do it anyway.
“Can I have a crisp?” Kevin asks, noticing the Quavers Liz has just opened.
“Get your own packet Kevin.” Liz mutters, shifting away from him slightly. Julia rolls her eyes but smiles, draining the last of her glass of wine.
“There should be more in a cupboard somewhere… I actually don’t know where Liz found them.”
Kevin mumbles something about not being that fussed about crisps, but stands up from the sofa and disappears through to the kitchen to find himself a packet anyway, making Liz scoff and flip him off. Julia doesn’t notice, too concentrated on her yoghurt that she’s just opened.
Liz watches her intently, suddenly wishing that she had accepted the offer of yoghurt as she watches Julia take another spoonful of her tub of apricot yoghurt. Apparently Julia felt Liz’s eyes on her, turning around slowly to find her gaze fixed on the tub of yoghurt in her hand.
She raises an eyebrow, giving her a questioning look. Liz catches herself, hastily moving her gaze back to the packet of Quavers in her hand.
“I thought you didn’t want any.” Julia accuses, scooping the remnants of the yoghurt from the bottom of the tub.
“I didn’t,” Liz says. It’s only a half lie; she didn’t want the yoghurt. She does now, for some reason, despite not finding yoghurt appetising in the slightest. Maybe the wine is getting to her head a little fast. “I’m not a fan of yoghurt that much.”
Julia swallows her mouthful before speaking. “Then stop staring at me. It’s…” she trails off, clearing her throat a little before returning to her yoghurt. She silently hopes it’s dark enough to cover the faint blush rising in her cheeks.
“It’s what?”
“I don’t know.”
They stare at each other, the simple subject of the yoghurt suddenly becoming very uneasy. Liz clears her throat, busying herself with refilling her and Julia’s glasses. Julia resumes scraping the last of the yoghurt from the tub. It feels strange having such an awkward silence between them. They’re never silent when they’re together - they always have something to talk or laugh about.
Thankfully, Kevin returns a few moments later with his packet of Quavers, sitting back down beside Julia who has now finished her tub of yoghurt.
The rest of the night passes, turning into the usual shit-talking session about Amanda, Julia complaining about her life struggles, Liz refusing to journal and Kevin trying to persuade the other two to stop being so miserable and have a positive outlook on life.