Chapter Text
Aaron Livesy has never had sex. Not really. Not with a guy. Not proper sex. Penetrative sex. Well, not really. Not consensual penetrative sex.
He’d lost it to Victoria Sugden, technically. Months he’d spent trying to persuade her, woo her, making her think he was a normal teenage boy who thinks and fantasises about sex with hot girls every six seconds or whatever the statistic is. He didn’t want to be gay, he had caused it, and Aaron didn’t want it.
He’d got close. They’d snuck into Debbie’s house, but it went spectacularly wrong.
She’d made the joke about him being gay, attempting to hide his sexuality when he’d tried to rush them, saying how he’d wanted to get it over with. And he did, he wanted it done with. If he could manage it with her, then he wasn’t completely broken and there might’ve been a chance for him. Then she’d made another joke about him being a virgin, which was morbidly laughable to him, but she’d took his reaction as a ‘give away’ to him being a virgin.
He'd got angry then. Lashed out at her. Definitely too harsh on her, but she wasn’t helping the matter, she wasn’t helping his attempt at being normal.
Afterwards they went back to being friends. It was good, he actually liked her as a mate. Then she’d kissed him out of nowhere. They were just walking down the street when she grabbed and pulled him in, catching him by surprise. He had written off his chances by then. He’d asked her what that was for and she simply replied that she’d felt like it. Girls were weird.
Things moved fairly quickly after that, and he found himself in bed with her in the upstairs bedroom of Dale View. He was nervous, letting her take the lead. It was a lot different than before. It took him a moment to get his body to listen to him, to be excited, but soon he was propped up over her, entering her.
He didn’t hurt her, kept asking her if she was okay throughout, worrying that he might. But he didn’t. It was normal boy-girl sex so of course it didn’t hurt.
He'd done it and it was fine. Not ecstatic, but fine. He wasn’t expecting much and was quite happy with it not being a total disaster.
They were wrapped up in the purplish-brown sheets when his world came crashing down. Daz and Scarlett had walked in on them, leading to the reveal of Daz and Victoria. Jumping to the conclusion that he’d forced her, he was like her older brother, so he must’ve, he called him sick and was about to pummel him until Victoria pushed at him shouting that he didn’t make her. He got out of there pretty quickly, his mind racing, twisting his past and present.
Anger took hold once again. This was supposed to fix him, now it just made him think about everything again. It was probably why he decided to implode their lives by telling Andy.
Vic made him feel bad, told him she was on her own now, Andy having driven Daz away, no mum, no dad. In the end they made up, him telling her she was worth more than just being someone’s bit on the side, deciding that they were better off as friends.
A few months down the line and he was pursuing Holly Barton. Her family had moved into Butler’s farm, and they’d met after he’d tried to stop Rodney’s van that had barrowed down main street, which he was blamed for instead. She seemed alright – nice, funny and she was pretty, so he should’ve liked her like that. He thought she’d be a good second attempt.
One day he was helping Paddy up at the farm, hoping to see her, not knowing she’d be collecting her exam results, and instead getting endless teasing from everyone. Fed up he took himself off to one of the barns, it was all just so hard, so he tried to distract himself with his lighter and some hay.
Back at his dad’s house, he used to play with his lighter a lot. Dark thoughts would creep in, wondering if he could finally be rid of him. He’d only ever talked to Victoria about it, and she instantly protested, saying he didn’t mean that. He’d told her she didn’t know him, because she didn’t, she didn’t know what he was like, what he had done to Aaron. It’s why Aaron was so desperate to be normal, be with her the way that regular guys want to be with girls. She opened up about her mum and soon they were kissing, only to be aggressively interrupted by Daz and Andy.
He still played with his lighter sometimes. Occasionally hovering it over his skin, see the fine hairs shrivel up, feeling the heat, an almost comforting pain as his skin turned redder, stopping before any actual damage was done.
He lit the straws, watching it burn for a few seconds, then extinguishing it with his foot. Experimentally he increasingly stretched out the time, liking the flames that were going higher before putting it out.
Probably he had let it go too far, what with John walking in yelling. Aaron characteristically returning the yelling, toying with John when he was trying to confiscate his lighter. Suddenly he hit Aaron, grabbing him, pulling him through the barn and into some sort of shed. Fear was creeping up Aaron’s spine as he shouted for John to get off of him. What if he was like his dad? He put on a front saying that his family would come down on him, he doubted they would, but he needed John to back down. He didn’t though, he locked him in.
Aaron hated being trapped and not in control. Unable to get out.
Finally, he was free, demanding an apology. Why is it everyone can treat him like this, yet he’s the one always in the wrong? He wasn’t having it this time, even if Paddy and his mum didn’t believe him. Reporting John to the police was too far, but he’d had enough of people getting away with hurting him. Everyone thought he was wrong for doing it. Did he deserve it? It’s another reason why he can’t tell anyone about what his dad did, they’d think he’d deserved it.
Then Holly pleaded for him to drop the charges, offering a ‘date’. He doesn’t even know why he did it, wouldn’t really call it blackmail. He merely wanted that second chance to prove he was normal, and she might’ve changed her mind after John was released. The reasoning was somewhat flawed in his head, thinking it was what some people did, that it was normal. Even his mum gave Paddy what he wants, and gets a nice house, lots of booze, and a job. It was stupid and dirty, sleazy.
His family steamrolled him into retracting his statement, with his mum then confronting him; said he was forcing himself on her. He’d never do that. If he did, he’d be just like him. Holly had offered, but he had said he’d only drop the charges afterwards. Maybe he was more broken than he thought, all twisted inside.
That Moira bird suggested he should get counselling, which he probably should’ve done in hindsight, seeing how the next few years went.
His mum cheated on Paddy getting back with that scumbag Carl, making him homeless in the process. As a result, he thought running away would be best, Clyde in tow. Paddy found them by the side of the road, dragging them back to Smithy’s, rather reluctantly allowing him to move back in.
Life with Paddy was pretty good, as well as becoming sound mates with Adam and getting back in with Holly.
He thought he was doing well, pretending, not giving into it. Until stupidly he’d tried to kiss Adam. Burying his rising feelings for the other boy had been a bit of a challenge. Adam was a laugh, he always had that infectious grin on his face, though he thought he was managing it, that was until he hit his head. Adam was there, checking if he was alright, holding his head as he pulled his sleeve over his hand to dab at the blood. It stung and he hissed, but all he could see were his lips. They looked soft and were so close and if he just leant forward, he could- he hadn’t realised he was actually doing it. Shocked, Adam pushed him back, asking what the hell he was playing at.
An argument outside of Ryan’s car later and he was driving back without him. Paddy was there, going on at him. Then he mentioned his Dad, so Aaron screamed in his face. Of course, his mother had to find him after, seeing him bleeding, pretending to care. So, he’d ran off and cried; his secret was out. It wasn’t long before it all came out. After that day he knew it would. Nothing ever worked out for him.
Hoping Adam would stop going on about it, he kept things up with Holly, which became more serious. He tried to slow things down with her, although she was determined to speed everything up. Not putting pressure on her had backfired in his face and with an empty house, she’d dragged him upstairs to her room. He was nervous, worried he’d be unable to achieve it this time, but he had, once again, checking if she was alright throughout. It had felt the same as being with Victoria, only with less of a relief at actually being able to do the deed.
Adam found him afterwards and the list of people who knew got longer. He’d tried telling Holly; the disbelieved rumour circled around the village.
Luckily no one did believe it, especially Holly. Though their relationship hadn’t lasted long as he was perhaps too clingy and without the libido to make up for it.
Next Paddy found out. He’d been stupid again, going to that place, that bar, dropping his phone there. It’s how he met Jackson.
He had returned his phone to Paddy and caused him to be suspicious, resulting in a drug using/dealing accusation. Then he’d figured out, wouldn’t shut up when Aaron told him to, so he’d lost it, battered him pretty badly.
Confiding in Paddy that night had been weird. Bruises starting to form, blood leaking out in several places. He admitted it, told him what he was, told him that he hated it. Paddy actually thought he’d be relieved, could ‘live his life now’. He didn’t want that life.
He ended up telling him about his first crush, Kyle. Recounting how he’d watch him play footie, his stomach fluttering whenever he saw him, too young to understand it, but knowing it was wrong. Leaving out how disgusting it was thinking that stuff whilst being in that house.
Paddy told him he loved him, but how could that be true; he was unlovable. Running away hadn’t lasted long, there was simply nowhere else for him to go.
His mum had torn into him as soon as he got off the bus, like it was any of her business.
He'd told Paddy he was sorted; he’d reaffirmed to himself about not giving into it. Paddy then suggested that he would do that with men, in secret. He never wanted to do that.
Counteractively he ended up kissing Jackson, unfortunately witnessed by Adam, which ultimately led to punching, an ABH charge, a suicide attempt and coming out in a court room.
When his mum had found out, it was the final straw, he’d tried to end it all by starting a car in the garage. It hadn’t worked and he ended up coming out so he wouldn’t go to prison. Overall, a total shit show.
Jackson turned up more in the village after, thanks to Adam’s interference, and the two of them eventually got together.
He hadn’t had sex with Jackson. Not like that. He never saw why guys wanted that, why they’d want that done to them or to do it to someone else. Receive or inflict pain. It just seemed wrong to him, so he didn’t want to do it.
They’d done other stuff, other sex stuff, just not the full it. Jackson got frustrated with it when he kept refusing, said he was still not accepting his sexuality (on some level he was probably right), and he said he couldn’t wait around for him to do so. They hadn’t lasted long together. A few months and he’d had enough with him.
He was sad about the breakup, for a bit anyway, but he understood, who’d ever want to put up with him and his hang ups and brokenness.
Over the next year, he’d gone out more, getting more comfortable with being out, being gay. He’d met a few guys but still hadn’t done anything more than he’d done with Jackson. Then he’d met Ed.
Ed was alright, a rugby player who was definitely interested in Aaron. They hung out a few times until Ed broke the news, he was off to France in a few weeks to play professionally over there. It gave them a time limit.
So, they spent the time having fun. Aaron was enjoying spending time together and Ed seemed not to mind his no on penetrative sex. That was until his final days when he suggested it as a goodbye. Aaron thought about it, considered how Ed had been patient and understanding with him, but he just didn’t want to, so he said no. He remembers the look of disappointment on Ed’s face, and it had all just got awkward between them. No longer were they enjoying their last moments together, Ed leaving early, saying he’ll probably have to cancel their already made plans for the next two days before he departs.
Aaron was mad at himself for that. Of course he’d have to ruin it, he always did.
For the next few years, he plodded along, hook ups here and there, some couple-of-weeks-flings, but not anything more serious. He’d figured it’d be hard to find someone to be with who was actually okay with his sex hang up.
He dealt with his mum pestering him to find someone, Paddy suggesting it might be nice to be in a relationship again, and Adam pushing him at blokes in pubs.
He told them to leave it; however, he knew that was an unrealistic ask for them, leaving him to have to put up with their constant remarks.
Vic had even pushed him towards Finn Barton when he’d showed up. Certainly not his type.
Then Robert Sugden moved back to the village. He was Vic and Andy’s brother, and since his appearance, Aaron had heard a lot of old tales about him get dredged up again.
Robert had moved into Home Farm with his fiancée, Chrissie, and her family, which included Lawrence, her dad and Edna’s dead husband’s old forbidden boyfriend, and Lachlan, her weird creepy teenage son.
To be honest, Aaron wasn’t fussed by their arrival at all. Made no difference to him. That was until him and Robert crossed paths a few times, Ross unknowingly setting things in motion by nicking Robert’s white Audi for Charity’s chop-shop.
He’d lured Aaron out to a fake break down one day. An excuse to pull him into one of the most exhilarating kisses of his life, which was unfortunately ripped away too soon, Robert retreating from him like a scared rabbit.
He came back though. A couple hours later and he was waiting for the customer Aaron was dealing with to leave the garage.
Pretty soon he was crammed into the back seat of a car, making out with a shirtless Robert on top of him, between his legs. He’d let the older man unbuckle his belt, pop the button on his jeans, undo the zip and slip his hand under his waist band and rub his hard cock.
He'd hooked his fingers into the loops of Robert’s jeans pulling him closer between his legs. Then after undoing them, returned the other man’s actions, taking his hard length into his right hand.
Their motion synced together, speeding up, and soon they were both cumming, shooting their loads into each other’s palms.
It was supposed to be a one off, but it happened again, after making Robert jealous by having a drink with Finn, smashing up his car in anger, which resulted in a hot furious kiss, Robert pinning him up against the wall.