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1. Stiles Stilinski was a virgin
When it came down to Stiles, the pack had a lot of presumptions. No one had ever bothered to ask him if certain things about himself were true, but they all just assumed. If they had asked him, they would have never found themselves in a situation like this.
It turns out, unicorns were real, but not in the cute I love every virgin kind of way. No. More like ‘How-dare-you-not-be-a-virgin’ kinda way. Which meant, the pack was under attack.
Jackson glared at Derek from where they were hiding in the woods, watching as the animal attacked everything in view and trashed the outside of the Hale House. It was also distinctly smart, already knowing that this was their lair and just waiting for them to make a move.
“Derek, we need something to distract him!” hissed Scott, who was hiding in a nearby tree with Allison. The Alpha wolf was firmly convinced that it was the two of them that made the animal even more mad. They reeked of sex, all the time.
Jackson pointed at Derek. “You said it’s mad because there were so many supernatural non married non virgins here, right?” the werewolf nodded. “Easy then. Let’s send a virgin!” he proposed, looking at Stiles pointedly.
The brunette wasn’t even looking or listening to them, staying put where Isaac and Erica had decided to hide him from view. He was frowning at the beast, as if disappointed that his research skills had betrayed him like this.
Derek nearly pushed Jackson to the unicorn himself. “We can’t do that! Stiles is a part of this pack, he’s not going to play bait.”
The blue eyed beta rolled his eyes. “We are not making him play bait. It’s just the only smart thing we can do right now, Stiles is like the only virgin right here, and if he manages to distract him for long enough, we can catch the monster and kill it.”
Derek looked conflicted at this, and turned to look at Scott and his Uncle Peter. Scott looked constipated as he mulled this over, but Peter refused to look at him, a strange smirk on his face, as he shook his head and mouthed something at him. But his Uncle was too far to ask him what he was smiling about without alerting the Unicorn, and Scott nodded.
“Stiles!” called Scott, and the boy looked up in a confusion as the rest of the werewolves started moving away. “I’m sorry, bro, but we need you to do this. We won’t get you hurt!” he promised.
Stiles’ eyes widened when he realised what was going on. “Dude!” he groaned, the unicorn turning its huge head to look straight at Stiles.
Except the unicorn wasn’t even a little distracted. More like very pissed. The teenager glared at the trees as he stood up, ready to retreat. “For fuck’s sake, I told you I’m not a virgin!”
The unicorn striked.
2. Stiles Stilinski can’t defend himself
Derek had a few seconds to metabolize what Stiles had just said. Stiles was not a virgin. Unicorns only were nice to virgins. Stiles was supposed to be bait. Stiles was completely uncovered. The unicorn knew Stiles wasn’t a virgin. The unicorn was going to kill him.
The teenager rolled in the mud, barely missing the monster’s hooves. Scott turned to look at Derek in horror. “We have to do something!”
Derek glared back at him. “I’m aware he can’t defend himself, Scott. I need to think!”
“Think faster, then! I don’t want to see my best friend mauled to death.” Shouted the beta, half shifted and ready to throw himself at the unicorn. But the monster wasn’t charging.
He was standing in the point where he had spotted Stiles first, and wasn’t really moving. He showed off his teeth, and then his legs started spasming. Stiles didn’t move, or ran away, despite Scott, Derek and Erica calling him, just stared at the unicorn, and reached for something in his backpack, eyes never leaving the other.
The unicorn made one step towards Stiles, and then toppled over, landing on the ground with a loud thud, still neighing loudly and threating. The werewolf didn’t dare move or approach him, but Stiles finally pulled out a gun from his backpack and trained it on the monster’s head. “Good riddance,” He said, and then shot.
The Pack stared at the huge gap on the unicorn’s head and the blood pooling on the ground, but Stiles wasn’t done yet. He pulled out a knife from his pocket (!!!) and approached the monster from behind, before cutting down it’s horn in one single blow.
He grinned and took the horn in his hands. “Perfect! This is going to be such a great booster.” He commented, before turning towards the rest of the silent pack. “Unicorn horns can be used as boosters for other concoctions and stuff.”
Scott let out a strangled noise in his throat, and rushed to hug Stiles in his arms. “Holy shit dude!”
Stiles automatically hugged him back. “Yeah. Don’t you ever give me to an unicorn again; they’ll hate me from now on. Unicorn blood lasts forever on your skin.”
Derek just kept staring at Stiles, but Jackson spoke. “What the hell? When did you even start using guns? How come you even know how to use and have a gun? You have knives on you all the time? And where the fuck did you learn that?” Stiles arched an eyebrow at the onslaught of questions. “And why did it attack you? You are a virgin!”
The brunette rolled his eyes at him, Scott still scent marking the fuck out of him. “Jackson. My father is the Sheriff. Of course I know how to use and have a gun. And I haven’t been a virgin since like freshman year or something. Scott, dude, I’m pretty sure you were the one who made me and Spencer meet. And of course, I copied everything from Peter’s laptop a while back.”
Peter just frowned at him. “I knew someone had used it.” He nodded approvingly. “You’d make a pretty great werewolf.”
Derek growled at his uncle, while Stiles shrugged. “I know, I’m awesome.” Then he grinned at rest of the pack. “Anyway. Now, we party! Jungle, who’s in?”
3. Stiles Stilinski doesn’t have friends outside the pack
“How exactly did Stiles even think he’d make it in without us?” wondered Lydia aloud, as her and the rest of the Pack minus Erica stood outside the big gay club. Everyone had quickly agreed to a night out and forced Derek to admit that it would be a great bonding experience so he had to come with them. That, and he was the only one actually legal.
The blonde werewolf had gone straight to pick up Boyd, who hadn’t been able to join on the earlier fight, while Stiles had told them to just meet him at the club, like he would have gotten in easily. The Pack wasn’t so sure.
Scott and Isaac had risked having to stay out, until Peter and Derek had claimed responsibility for both of them and then had been reluctantly let in. Stiles looked almost as cute and innocent as Isaac. He didn’t have a chance to get in.
Derek wrinkled his nose at the amount of perfumes and odours that permeated the club, but then frowned. “He’s already here.” He announced.
Scott unsubtly sniffed the air. “I can’t smell him.”
Lydia gave the older man, who’s ears were rapidly turning pink, an eye roll. “Don’t worry, Scott. I’m pretty sure Derek could even pick out Stiles’ heartbeat with his ear phones in and while Stiles is a county over.” She sniffed, and the wolf growled at her while the rest of the pack exchanged knowing looks.
Scott frowned. “I don’t understand.” He admitted, and Allison petted him on the head.
“It’s okay, Scotty,” she said, and then kissed his cheek. He immediately brightened up.
Jackson finally found the other boy. “He’s over there!” he announced, then looked confused. “I think he’s with friends.”
Isaac scoffed, offended. “Stiles doesn’t have any friends other than the Pack.” He informed him, and Jackson shrugged.
“I know, but they seem pretty close to me.”
Derek glared at where the boy was surrounded by other men, all laughing at something he said. “Let’s go, then.”
Stiles spotted them as they approached, and grinned. “Hey, guys!” he called, and the other men moved a little behind Stiles, eyeing the group curiously. Now that they were closer, he could see that two of them were obviously drag queens, three were girls and the other three young men around the pack’s age.
Stiles started talking them. “Guys, this are my friends from school. Scott, Allison, Isaac, Jackson, Lydia, and uhm, Peter and Derek.” One of the girls arched her eyebrow at the two Hales. “And guys, this are the queens, Aphrodite and Queen Dea, my friends Vi, Mitch, Jo, Momo and Mitt. And my ex-boyfriend Teddy who you’re all allowed to beat up.” He announced, grinning at the dark boy with green eyes.
The boy- Teddy- who Derek had considered beating up the moment Stiles said ex-boyfriend, pouted. “We parted on mutual happy terms!” he complained, bumping shoulders with him.
One of the girls, with long dark hair and patented smirk on her face, pinched Stiles on the shoulder. “I’m Mitchell, not Mitch. She’s Violette, Josephine, Morgan, Kermitt” a guy with blonde spiky hair kicked her, and she laughed “Joking, Mitt and Frederick. Please don’t ask Stiles how he went from Frederick to Teddy, nobody understands how he reasons.” She said fondly, and ruffled his hair. Then she turned to Derek and Peter. “So, you two friends from school too? Must be a pretty interesting school you go to.” She was talking to them both, but her attention was on Peter.
Derek was glad, but it was also so wrong on so many levels. Especially when Peter grinned right back.
Lydia looked at Stiles’ friends with a pout. “So, how did you guys meet?” she wondered aloud, and Teddy and Mitt snorted, while Morgan turned brittle red.
The guy was on the same adorable level as Isaac, with curly dark locks and hipster glasses. “Well, me and Stiles kinda worked together” another snort from the queens and Mitt “and then I introduced him to Mitt, and Vi, Fred, Jo and Mitch, ahi!, Mitchell were regulars.”
Stiles chuckled at this, and threw his arms around him. “Awh, Momo, you’re so cute.” Isaac looked ready to tore the boy apart and aggressively cuddle Stiles, so Jackson stepped in.
“You’ve known each other for long?” he asked.
Stiles nodded with a smirk. “Remember that one time me and Scott came here looking for you, and then the whole thing got attacked?” they could hear the implied Kanima Attack subtext. “Yeah, I came back with my dad to see if everyone was okay, and I made friends.” He elbowed Teddy. “We started dating during summer break, and broke up few weeks ago.”
The pack stared at him in complete shock. Stiles had been dating for almost four months and no one had noticed anything? The teenager looked severely at Scott. “I told you.”
Scott looked sheepish. “I thought you were faking it.” He admitted, and Stiles just rolled his eyes.
“You are a shitty creature of the night.” He decided, which made the rest of his human friends laugh and the pack glare and frown. He sticked out his tongue and them, and grabbed Isaac and Frederick’s hand. “Come on, we came here to dance!”
4. Stiles Stilinski can’t dance
Scott looked at him worriedly. “Stiles, you can’t dance!” he called, even as his friend pushed Isaac and Frederick on the dancefloor with him. He sighed, and then looked up to see Morgan, Violette, Josephine and the Drag Queens looking at him like he had just said he came from Mars.
“What?”
Violette- who had long blonde hair and the most judgemental green eyes since Lydia Martin- sneered. “Are you kidding, right?”
Morgan fixed his glasses. “I don’t think he’s kidding.”
Josephine, who had curly purple hair, rolled her eyes. “How long have you known Stiles, like hello? Stilinski got moves.” She proclaimed.
Scott glared. “We have been best friends since birth.” He spat back.
Josephine shrugged, unrepentant. “Well then, you should know that Stiles is like the best dancer, ever. Like have you even seen him on stage yet?” she asked, and it made less and less sense to the pack.
The Drag Queens finally spoke, the one with the green weave staring at Derek. “Wait. You are Derek?” she asked, and he flushed nodding.
Violette and Josephine exchanged a look, and Morgan stared at him, at where Stiles was dancing and back at him. Mitt started laughing. “Holy shit, it suddenly makes so much more sense, you know.”
The blonde girl chuckled. “Is your self esteem suddenly restored?” she asked at him, and he winked.
“I knew there was a reason Stilinski did that. I feel fulfilled knowing it wasn’t my fault.”
Lydia seemed to have unsolved a particular intriguing puzzle and smirked. “Stiles has a type.” She told them. “And it’s green eyes.” She added, blinking her eyes at them.
Josephine fixed the cap on her head. “Green eyes and pretty, I might add. You’re Lydia Martin, aren’t you?” she asked, while Derek turned wide eyed to Scott and Allison.
“Stiles’ type is green eyes?” he asked. They both nodded, while Derek squinted. “Sometimes, at a particular time of the day, my eyes are green.” Allison suppressed a smirk. “And Stiles said that my eyes are pretty the other day.”
Scott frowned, but Allison nodded, and patted him on the arm. “Yes, Derek. You are totally Stiles’ type. Now go and dance with him.” She ordered.
Before he could move, Frederick and Isaac were back, the green eyed one laughing and Isaac looking bemused. “Stiles said he was going to make himself pretty.”
Frederick smirked at Morgan. “Little Red requested Lady Belle.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows. Morgan blushed and punched him in the arm, throwing Isaac a small wave, before grabbing the drag queens sprinting away.
Violette and Mitt awed after him. “Awh, Momo got a crush!”, and Isaac’s eyes widened as he violently blushed too. Frederick, Violette and Mitt laughed harder.
5. Stiles Stilinski has terrible fashion sense
“Where is Stiles?” asked Derek aloud, as Mitt hearded them towards the stage.
Josephine smirked. “Oh, man, this is going to be so great.” She decided, choosing a sit between Lydia and Mitt. “So many degrees of awesome.”
Violette looked around with a frown. “Where is Mitch?” she wondered aloud.
Derek looked around too. “Where is Uncle Peter.” He added, and the pack exchanged looks of vague horror before avoiding each other’s eyes. “Yikes.”
Aphrodite appeared on the stage, suddenly and smile down at them. “Ladies, and gentlemen! Today we have our very favourite queens here for us! Queen Dea will open the show, and we’ll then have our beautiful, talented and amazing Little Red and Lady Belle!”
The crowd, along with Mitt, Frederick, Violette and Josephine cheered, the four friends looking delighted. Josephine didn’t stop smirking. “So, so great.”
Queen Dea appeared then, her green weave replaced by a bright red one and freshly drawn eyebrows. She looked striking as she walked up the stage with a flourish and grabbed the mic. And then she started singing.
She started singing Bring me back to Life with a ferocious passion, and Derek had to move back a little at the way the words sounded louder in his ears. Aphrodite joined her hallway through the song with a blue make up as they bounced and danced and sang their hearts out during the entire song. The crowd was captivated, and everyone stood up to clap once they finished.
Then Aphrodite announced Little Red and Lady Belle up. Frederick, who had ended up sitting next to Derek, turned to face them. “If you pop a boner, don’t worry about it. It’s natural, everyone does, we’ll understand.” He squinted at Mitt. “Except you. Don’t pop up a boner, Kermitt.” He pleaded.
Mitt shrugged, grinning. “They’re both hot as fuck when they dress up in drag.” He answered easily, while Violette snorted.
“Yep, and they’re both not interested. Remember?”
Mitt pouted at her. “I am a great catch.” He mumbled, and Josephine petted him on the head distractedly.
“You sure are, buddy.”
Then the curtains opened again, and Derek chocked on his tongue.
Because Little Red and Lady Belle had appeared. Except, that it was Stiles and Morgan dressed in drag.
He heard the shutter of a phone snapping a picture of the Pack’s face, and Lydia snapping pictures of Stiles with wide eyes, but couldn’t even care as he stared at Stiles.
The boy was wearing a little red riding hood outfit with the hood on his head, and a skirt so short Erica would have been impressed. He was wearing knee high boots. Boots, and a fishnet stockings, and Derek was pretty sure his eye flashed alpha red for a second, while Stiles waved and bathed in everyone’s attention.
Lydia turned to face Josephine. “Who found him the perfect outfit? Who put him the make up? It’s so good.”
Josephine smirked, proud. “He did it all himself. He’s good, isn’t he?”
Allison looked flabbergasted. “He has better fashion sense than me? How the fuck?!”
Isaac’s eyes were glued on Morgan’s figure, who had ditched the glasses and the nervousness and was wearing a similar dressing as Stiles, except he was wearing a Belle outfit.
Jackson’s was aghast. “I feel like we assumed so many things about Stiles, and we got all of them wrong.” He muttered, and Derek silently agreed.
+1. Stiles Stilinski totally had a crush on Derek Hale
Stiles winked at the Alpha werewolf, before grabbing the mic, and starting to sing.
I, I feel like I'm losing my mind, mind
She crept into your life, life
And cut me up like a knife, knife, yeah
He twirled on stage and went almost down on his knees, all the while keeping eye contact with Derek. Suddenly, Frederick saying that they would pop a boner made so much more sense. He noticed Jackson clearing his throat and trying to look at anywhere else but Stiles’ face.
Morgan took the mic.
Hey hey, few things that I wanna say, ay
Still got my dignity, ay
No one'll love you like me, ay
They started singing together, then, Morgan licking his lips at Isaac and winking at Frederick and Mitt, who was looking more and more flustered by the minute. Stiles looked straight at Derek.
She's prettier than I'll ever be
Got yourself a beauty queen, yeah
But there's one thing I gotta say
She can fuck you good, but I can fuck you betta
Scott chocked on his drink, while Josephine and Violette started dancing along with them, disturbingly synchronised.
They sang the chorus, and then Morgan started grinding right up to Stiles. The boy kept moving along, but didn’t break eye contact with Derek, putting his mic on his lips and licking it.
My way, remember screaming my name, name
'Cause I can sex your brain, brain
But she don't do it that way, ay, no
Morgan laughed at the end of his verse and let Stiles go, who then started the sexiest dance sequence Derek had ever seen. This wasn’t even a show, this was porn.
'Cause she's prettier than I'll ever be
Got yourself a beauty queen, yeah
But there's one thing I gotta say
She can fuck you good, but I can fuck you betta
Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta ay
Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta ay
I can fuck you betta
Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta ay
She can fuck you good, but I can fuck you better
When Stiles started singing his next verse, Jackson turned to look at Derek. His face was flushed, but he seemed to be getting a hold of himself. Good. Mitt could use a little help, and Frederick seemed unbothered. But he had a hand hiding his crotch, so maybe he wasn’t. “I feel like he’s singing about Jennifer. Also, for the love of god, just fuck him the moment he leaves the stage, I feel like the entire club reeks of your fucking UST.”
I know she's perfect and worth it,
I bet she's beautiful
But can she love you and touch you until you go oh
You keep on tryin' to hide it
But we both know, oh
Morgan slapped his butt as they continued singing and Derek just let his eyes flash briefly at Stiles. A challenge? Or just a move.
Stiles grinned at him, and mouthed ‘hell Yeah’, as Morgan sang his next verse.
Mitt didn’t miss it. “Thank god. He won’t moan about you anymore to us, please have sex with him, and then marry and have children.”
Uh. So maybe not all of their assumptions had been wrong.